Episode 17: Supporting an Emotionally Struggling Grandchild with Calm Presence

Supporting an Emotionally Struggling Grandchild with Calm Presence

Grandma Queen discusses how grandparents can support a grandchild who is struggling emotionally, noting that children often express pain through tears, silence, anger, withdrawal, or behavior changes rather than clear words. She shares stories of a granddaughter affected after her parents separated and a teenage grandson who admitted he felt “tired inside,” emphasizing that healing often begins when a child feels seen and emotionally safe. The episode highlights noticing small shifts, looking beneath behavior to underlying emotions, and offering steady, calm presence instead of rushing to fix or dismiss feelings. Grandma Queen warns against comparison and shaming language, encourages listening more than speaking, creating regular connection, helping children name feelings without shame, and supporting the child’s parents rather than competing. She closes with a prayer for wisdom, gentleness, and healing.

00:00 When Grandkids Hurt
01:32 A Quiet Crying Moment
02:53 Behavior Is Communication
05:55 Why Kids Hide Feelings
06:51 Noticing Small Changes
09:25 One Safe Adult
10:25 Calm Presence Over Fixing
13:12 Guide Through Emotions
15:11 Words That Create Safety
16:23 Avoid Comparison
17:19 Practical Support Steps
19:55 Closing Wisdom and Prayer
21:40 Thanks and Next Episode

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:38

Today, we are talking about something deeply important and deeply sensitive. Today's episode is about when your grandchild is struggling emotionally. Because sometimes children struggle quietly. Not every child expresses pain loudly, and not every child knows how to explain what they are feeling. Sometimes it shows up in tears, sometimes in silence, sometimes in anger, or sometimes it shows up in withdrawal. And as grandparents, it can be heartbreaking to watch a grandchild you love struggle emotionally, especially when you are not always sure how to help. You may notice something feels different. A child who once laughed freely becomes quiet. A child who once opened up suddenly pulls away, or a child who once seemed light now carries heaviness you cannot fully explain. And in those moments, many grandparents ask themselves, "What do I do? How do I help?" Or, "What if I say something wrong?" So today, we are going to talk gently and honestly about how to support your grandchild emotionally with wisdom, patience, and love. There was a grandmother who began noticing changes in her granddaughter after her parents separated. The little girl still smiled. She still went to school. She still answered questions when spoken to, but something had changed. She became quieter, more sensitive, more emotional over small things. And one day, while sitting together, the grandmother noticed something simple but telling. Her granddaughter was coloring a picture and suddenly burst into tears. Why was she crying? Because she got the coloring wrong. The grandmother then realized this wasn't really about the coloring. Something deeper was happening inside her. At first, the grandmother wanted to fix it quickly, to cheer her up, to distract her, or to tell her not to cry. But instead, she paused and softly said, "You have been carrying a lot in your little heart, haven't you?" And the granddaughter cried even more, not because the words hurt, but because for the first time, someone had understood what she was feeling underneath. Sometimes emotional healing begins with feeling seen. Children have emotions just as deeply as adults do, but they don't always have the language to explain them. Adults may say things like, "I feel overwhelmed, I feel anxious, I feel stressed, or I feel emotionally exhausted." But children often cannot say those things. Instead, emotions come out differently through their behavior, through tears, through frustration, through shutting down. And sometimes adults respond only to the behavior without recognizing the emotion underneath. But emotional struggles are real in children, even young children. And as grandparents, one of the greatest things you can offer is emotional safety. Not perfect answers, not instant solutions, but safe presence. Sometimes emotional struggle looks obvious and sometimes it doesn't. A struggling child may become unusually quiet, easily irritated, clingy, withdrawn, fearful, angry, overly emotional, unusually perfect, or emotionally numb. And because children are still developing emotionally, they don't even fully understand what is happening inside themselves. That is why observation matters. Noticing changes matters. Paying attention matters because emotional pain in children is often expressed indirectly. One important thing grandparents need to understand is this: children don't always say, "I am struggling emotionally." In fact, many children cannot explain their emotions clearly at all. So emotional struggle often appears in indirect ways. For instance, a child who suddenly becomes angry all the time may actually be anxious. A child who becomes clingy may be feeling emotionally unsafe. A child who stops talking much may not be moody, but may be overwhelmed internally. And sometimes adults misread emotional pain as bad behavior, especially when the child themselves don't understand what they are feeling. That is why wisdom requires you as a grandparent to look deeper, not just the behavior, but what may be happening underneath it. Because behavior is often communication Many children hide their emotions for reasons adults don't always realize. Some children fear becoming a burden. Some fear getting in trouble. Some fear not being understood. And some children simply learn to stay quiet because the adults around them move too quickly to truly notice. Children also pay attention to emotional atmosphere. If they sense tension around them, they may suppress their feelings to avoid adding more stress. And over time, children who repeatedly hide their emotions may begin to struggle internally in silence. That is why emotional openness matters so much. Children need spaces where feelings are not treated as inconvenience. Now, I want to mention quickly something that most people ignore, but it's very important here, which is the power of noticing small changes. Grandparents often notice things others miss, and that can become a powerful gift. You may notice that a child is laughing less or eating differently or avoiding eye contact when talking to others, withdrawing from activities once they enjoyed. These small changes matters because emotional struggles rarely appear all at once. They often build quietly, and sometimes the adults who notice early are the adults who help most. Not because they solve everything, but because they pay attention before things become heavier. Never underestimate the power of noticing gently. Sometimes being emotionally observant is one of the deepest forms of love. Let me share a quick story here There was a grandfather who noticed that his teenage grandson had become distant. Conversations had become short. He stayed in his room most of the time. He no longer seemed interested in family activities. At first, his grandfather assumed he's just being a teenager. But one evening, he decided to sit quietly beside him instead of questioning him. No lectures, no pressure, just his presence. After a while, he gently said, "You don't seem like yourself lately." And that was all he said. And after a long silence, his grandson quietly replied, "I've just been feeling tired inside." That sentence changed everything. Not because the grandfather suddenly had all the answers, but because he realized that his grandson had been carrying something emotionally for a long time. And sometimes emotional healing begins not with fixing things, but with creating enough space or creating enough safety for honesty to appear. Research and life experience both show something powerful. Sometimes one safe adult can change the emotional direction of a child's life. Just one, not two, not three, but just one. One adult who listens. One adult who stays calm. One adult who makes the child feel emotionally safe. And grandparents are often uniquely positioned for this because children sometimes find it easier to open up to grandparents due to the fact that they may be less pressure, less fear of punishment, less fear of disappointment. And that creates an opportunity not to replace their parents, but to become another safe emotional anchor in your grandchildren's life, a place where they feel understood. And sometimes children who cannot express themselves anywhere else begin opening slowly to the presence of someone who listens patiently One of the greatest gifts a grandparent can offer is calm presence. Not panic, not pressure, not immediate correction, but your steadiness. Children emotionally regulate through the adults around them. And if an adult become overwhelmed quickly, children often feel less safe expressing their emotions. But when a child experiences calm presence, their nervous system settles. They feel safer opening up, safer expressing their feelings. And that, and this is important. You don't need a perfect word to support an emotionally struggling child. Sometimes your calmness matters more than your advice. Many loving adults instinctively move quickly into fixing this. So we say things like, "Don't cry, you'll be fine. Just cheer up. Be strong." Not because we don't care, but because we want the pain to stop, especially when it is a child we love. But sometimes, rushing past emotion unintentionally teaches children that their feelings are too much. These emotions should be hidden. I need to get over this quickly. And emotional healing rarely works that way. Feelings often need space before they can settle. As adults, we often feel pressure to solve emotional problems quickly, especially when we love the child deeply. We want to make the sadness disappear. We want to remove the struggle. But emotional support is not always about immediate answers. Sometimes children simply need space to feel heard before solutions are discussed. And sometimes sitting quietly beside a struggling child communicates more love than a long explanation. This can feel uncomfortable, especially for adults, because silence often feels unproductive. But emotionally, calm presence can be deeply regulating for children. Not every moment needs a lesson. Some moments simply need companionship There is also a difference between supporting a child emotionally and trying to rescue them from every uncomfortable feeling. Not every emotion needs removing. Some emotions need guiding through. Emotions like sadness, disappointments, fear, frustrations. These are part of emotional growth, and sometimes the goal is not: how do I stop these feelings immediately? But how do I help this child move through this feeling safely? That shift changes everything, because resilience is not built by avoiding emotion completely. It is built by learning that emotions can be felt, emotions can be expressed, and also survived safely. Another important part of emotional support is teaching children that feelings are not failures. Feeling anxious does not make them weak. Feeling sad does not make them broken. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean something is wrong with them. Children need to learn that emotions are part of being human. And when adults respond to emotions with shame, impatience, or dismissal, children often begin hiding their inner struggles. But when emotions are handled with calmness and wisdom, children learn something powerful. My feelings can be expressed safely. I can struggle and still be loved. I don't have to hide when I'm hurting. And those lessons stay with children for many years. Sometimes small phrases create enormous emotional safety. Simple words like, "I'm here for you, sweetheart. You don't have to explain everything perfectly. It's okay to feel upset. You are safe talking to me. We will get through this together." Those kind of words calms fear, and children remember them. Because emotionally struggling children are often asking one silent question Am I safe with my feelings here? And your response as a grandparent answers that question. Pause for a moment and reflect gently. Were your emotions welcomed in your childhood, or were they dismissed quickly? Did you grow up feeling emotionally safe or emotionally careful? And now ask yourself, what kind of emotional atmosphere do I create for my grandchildren? Or what kind of emotional atmosphere do I want to create for my grandchildren? And now I want to say gently, that grandparents must also be careful with comparison. When children are struggling emotionally, comparison can quietly deepen the pain so statements like, "Your brother handles things better. Other children don't react like this. You are too emotional," may seem small in the moment, but they can increase shame internally in our grandchildren. Every child processes emotions differently. Some children expresses outwardly, others internalize quietly. And wisdom means as a grandparent, you should be responding to the child in front of you, not the child you expected them to be, because emotional support begins with acceptance. Here are a few practical ways to support an emotionally struggling grandchild. Number one, Listen more than you speak. Children often need understanding before advice. Number two, watch for emotional changes. Behavior shifts can signal emotional struggle. Number three, stay calm emotionally for them. Your calmness creates safety. Four, avoid dismissive language. Phrases like, "You are overreacting, you are too emotional," can shut children down emotionally. Number five, create regular moments of connection. Simple routines create emotional security. Number six, encourage emotional expression. Help your grandchildren name their feelings without shame. Last but not the least, support their parents. Don't compete with them. This is very important. Emotional support works best when adults work together. If your grandchild is struggling emotionally, please remember this: You don't need to be perfect to be helpful. You don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes healing begins simply because a child feels safe, because the child feels seen, or they feel heard, or they feel loved. And never underestimate the power of your steady presence as a grandparent, because children often remember the people who stayed calm while they were struggling. Children borrow emotional stability from the adults around them, especially during difficult seasons. And when a child is struggling emotionally, your calmness matters more than perfection. Your steady tone, your presence, your willingness to listen without panic, these things communicate safety. And over time, emotionally safe experiences help children develop emotional resilience, not because life becomes easy, but because they learn things like, "I don't have to face difficult feelings alone." And sometimes that lessons becomes part of what carries them through life later on in life. In closing, I want to share this final wisdom here, that emotionally struggling children don't always need louder voices. Often they need gentler ones. They need adults who can slow down enough to notice what is happening beneath the surface. And as a grandparent, you have the opportunity to become a place of emotional rest in a child's life, a place where emotions are not feared, but handled with wisdom, patience, and love. This is a beautiful place to be as a grandparent. Let's pray. Father, we are grateful for today. I pray you help us become a safe and steady presence in the lives of our grandchildren. Give us wisdom to notice any emotional struggles with sensitivity and care. Teach us not to dismiss their pain simply because we don't fully understand it. Father, help us to listen patiently, to respond gently, and to create an atmosphere where our grandchildren feelings can be expressed safely. Where there is fear, let us bring calm. Where there is sadness, let us bring comfort. Where there is confusion, let us bring reassurance and love. And Father, where emotional wounds already exist, I pray you bring healing, peace and restoration. May our grandchildren always feel safe, valued, heard and deeply loved in our presence. In Jesus mighty name. Amen. I want to thank you once again for listening to Grandparenting with Heart. In our next episode, we will talk about long-distance grandparenting, staying close from afar. Until next time, remember, sometimes the greatest gift you can give a struggling grandchild is simply being a safe place for their heart. Until then, see you next time