Episode 11: Red Flag or Green Flag?

We’ve all said it:
“I saw the red flags…”
So why did we stay?
In this episode, Donna and Meg sit down with women across different age groups for a rapid-fire, no-filter game of Red Flag or Green Flag.
Some answers are instant.
Some get debated.
And some… hit a little too close to home.
Because what we once called “chemistry”…
might have actually been chaos.
And what felt “boring”?
Might have been peace.
This isn’t about judging the past —
it’s about seeing it clearly.
🚩 What did we normalize?
🚩 What did we ignore?
🚩 And what would we choose now?
Because spotting the red flags is one thing…
choosing the green ones is something else entirely.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:05

Welcome to Sat. This is not a podcast of perfect women of boys on the women of the board. Don't be laughing, no years, and white. Just real women, real stories, and the kind of honesty that usually happens after the second glass of wine. The first season of She Shed Unfiltered is about the things we learned the hard way. The lessons no one warned us about. The moments that changed us. Whether we were ready or not. I'm Donna. And I'm Meg. Well, welcome to She Shed Unfiltered. Today we have some guests with us. I have my bestie, Tracy, and um my daughter, Lexi. Again, you might remember her from episode four. And then Maddie, who is Tracy's daughter. Alright, ladies, we're gonna play a little game here today. This one might get us into trouble, but that's never stopped. Spicy May and I. Um we're calling it red flag and green flag. And if you noticed, you guys both have uh a Canada flag for red and a St. Patti's Day scarf for green because we are that creative. Um so I'm gonna read a scenario, and then you guys have to decide if it's a red flag or a green flag. Don't overthink it, just use your instinct, and then Meg is going to help us unpack why. All right. Even Nelly's here. Nelly Nelly knows red flags.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Nelly's weighing in.

SPEAKER_05 1:59

All right. Are we ready?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Oh, I'm ready, but I feel like this is going to uh expose some things.

SPEAKER_05 2:07

Oh, it absolutely will. All right, let's start with some easy ones. Scenario number one. He holds the door open for people behind him. Red flag, green flag. I I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Green flag, that's a red flag. Yeah. Yeah. If he didn't, if he did, I don't he's not gonna do it. Yeah, but if he does it, right.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

Because he if he does it, he is like the bare minimum. Well, but still like a green flag. So a light green flag. That's what you're saying. He takes you to dinner, but he's constantly checking his phone. Oh, we got three Canada flags.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

I'm with you, ladies. I agree. That's such a red flag.

SPEAKER_05 2:52

He has a close group of longtime friends. Green Yes, all greens. I agree. This question came up uh uh and it is he claps when the plane lands.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 3:09

I didn't I I wasn't sure. I'm like, well, maybe he's like a really I don't know, Meg. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I mean that's a that's a like a pale, that's a pink flag for me. It's like I it's not a red flag per se, because it's not malicious, but it's just so lame. It just gives me the ick. Yeah. I I've also noticed um people clap at the end of movies in the theater. That's it. Which I also think is ridiculous. It's not a live performance.

unknown 3:37

All right.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

I mean, I get a clap into the plans like kind of dodgy landing.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Yeah, no, it's just like kissing the goddamn pilot.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Never mind clapping, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 3:46

Yeah, I mean, that's happened when we've had like a really bad flight and you think you're gonna die, and the plane lands, and everyone's like, Thank god, yeah, but not like just a regular flight, you're going to Toronto and it's been smooth, and he's clapping.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Yeah. Um that means he's unfunny and doesn't know any jokes.

SPEAKER_05 4:05

He owns one towel.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Why didn't you just buy one towel? Like, why do you not buy a set of towels? It's cheaper in a set, so he's not good with his money.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Well, it also could mean didn't wash a lot.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Is that true?

SPEAKER_04 4:19

Means he's dirty. Yeah. I bet you that towel has not been washed in probably about two years. I bet you when he bought that towel, it has not been washed out. He probably didn't even buy it. I bet you he says, I bet you what he says when he comes out of the shower is like, well, I'm clean anyway. So the towel's clean. Oh gross. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Yeah, and also only thinks about himself. Like, obviously, you're not gonna be like entertaining any guests overnight if you just have one towel.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Well, you could say that's a clean then, couldn't you? Because he's not cheating on people.

SPEAKER_05 4:48

That is true. Or he is, and there's a lot of shh on that towel. Oh gross. Um, how about this one? His fridge contains beer, ketchup, and maybe a questionable leftover. Sounds like my fridge, actually.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Yeah, I was about to say, uh, that sounds like my mother's fridge, and when I come home, there's nothing to eat. So am I a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 5:13

Yeah, I think that's just anybody in this.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

Yeah, I think anybody anyone in the economy, I honestly, I don't think it's a big deal. No. I just everything's expensive.

SPEAKER_05 5:22

I only earn when you guys are here here. And beer is a priority. Beer is a priority school of beer, so if I have popcorn and beer, we're good. Yeah, that's a dinner right there. Uh what about if his mattress is directly on the floor?

SPEAKER_04 5:42

I can't say anything because I had my mattress on the floor for aesthetic purposes. Some people like that look.

SPEAKER_05 5:48

Right. Yeah. I mean I think it's different between like if you girls are 22 and like it would be different if Tracy was like he's like 50 and 50 on a mattress, not the red flag.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Is it like mattress, no sheet on the floor, or just like mattress on the floor? Because mattress, no sheet is a red flag. Why don't you have a sheet?

SPEAKER_05 6:09

Yeah. That's with the one towel, that dirty dirty guy. Yeah, no. Yeah, get out of there as fast as you can.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

I mean, if you put the whole thing together, mattress on the floor, one towel in the fridge, it's only got beer and ketchup. Yeah, I'll leave it. Oh yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

I'll let you do a few sensors on the show.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Sure. Okay. So what about um okay? So we're heading into a round about midlife dating. So let's see. His dating profile on the app says no drama. He doesn't want drama? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:47

That means he's the problem. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

He is. He is the drama, ladies. So I'm guessing, I'm guessing that's red flags. Big red flags. Um, he says all of his exes were crazy.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Oh, he's the one that's crazy. Yes. Common denominator. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

I definitely dated someone I'm embarrassed to say that called all of his exes crazy bitches. Like, oh, that is so sexist. And also cleanses you of all accountability, which it always takes too. It's never one person. Um, okay, so next up, he says he's done therapy after his divorce. Oh, great. Depends on why he went to therapy. Oh, context is everything. Yeah, okay. And also like how long he was in therapy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

And was it court-ordered?

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Oh that is a very important follow-up question. Was this of your own volition, or did somebody make you do this? Uh okay. He's been single for several years and seems comfortable alone. Oh. Green.

SPEAKER_04 8:01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 8:02

Green.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

Whatever comes to your see the thing is though, is there's been guys that have haven't been dating in so long, but that's their choice, and they're like, yeah, like I'm not looking for anything, but then they're hooking up with like 20 girls, and it's like, well nothing wrong with hooking up at people.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Nothing wrong with hooking up at people.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

No, but when someone's like uncomfortable without someone and then they're out hooking up with like 20 other people, it's like, are you though? Like, are you? That's casual.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Nelly Nelly agrees with that. Nellie was just like, yeah, no, no. Nellie's like, no. We hear you, Nelly. Yes. Okay, let's see. Um, okay, so these are the spicy ones. Oh, Nelly, it's gonna be okay. All right, buckle up. He says he has a very high sex drive early in dating and talks about how important sex is to him. The wish looks like you can see the faces of disgust in this room right now. Say it louder now.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Nelly, Nelly's like a big red sheet.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

We can still. Um, he says his ex-wife didn't meet his needs or was actively withholding affection.

SPEAKER_05 9:18

Um swinging red. Um swinging red too.

SPEAKER_04 9:21

Uh I don't know. I'm on the fence. I don't know. I'm the fence. It's okay. I mean, yeah, I'll probably red flag.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

I think as well. You could I mean I guess it could be a little like this, because that could be true.

SPEAKER_05 9:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Um, you know, it could be very genuine and it could be a true.

SPEAKER_05 9:37

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I mean, let's face it, like we've had exes who haven't met our needs and withheld affection. So I I don't think necessarily think it's a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

He explains his behavior by saying it's because of childhood trauma or past rejection.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Red flag.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

Wait, can you say that repeat that question?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yeah, sure. He explains his behavior by saying it's because of childhood trauma or past rejection.

SPEAKER_05 10:06

So he's being a dick because of uh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Or he's trying to communicate that these are why he's doing these things because of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

You overthought that one, didn't you?

SPEAKER_03 10:19

We said no overthinking and just in the green flag. If it's the first one, it's a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah, that's fair. I mean, you know, uh for some of these situations we need a little bit of additional context, right? But I think what Tan is saying too is that you can't use that as um an excuse for bad behavior, right? Yeah, you can't just justify anything by saying, oh, it's unresolved trauma, then go to therapy and not the court order.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

You gotta own it.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Yes, yes, well said, you gotta own it, exactly. Okay, um, next up, he makes you feel guilty when you don't want to do something he wants emotionally or physically.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Red flag. Red flag.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Is it a red flag if someone makes you feel responsible for their emotional well-being? Yep, yeah, yeah. Unequivocal, all red flags. Put it to the floor and say, like, what are top green flags, ladies, in um a relationship or in early days of dating? Actually, let's say early days of dating. Like, what's something that makes you say, oh yeah, I want to see this person again?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I'm not sure I'm the person to answer that because as we have already established, my ex didn't just have red flags, he had a a red alarm bell on his head that I chose to ignore as well as wrapping caution tape and still kind of went, oh no, he's okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

So green flags, I don't know, I don't know. Or maybe you could just say, Tracy, like what the what the opposite of him is uh would attract you in future, hypothetically.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Maybe somebody that is actually truthful and able to be truthful and stay truthful, even if that truth isn't necessarily what you want to hear. Right, not comfortable per se. Yeah. Um, and just like, you know, like does think about you and not themselves all the time, you know. Like it's no anybody who knows, he is a full on his name is under narcissist in the in the dictionary, so I guess anything that wasn't what he does. Okay, it's gonna be a green flag for me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

That's good. That's good. The opposite of Shrek. Yeah. Yeah. The anti-Trek. Shrek is actually like Shrek Shrek? Oh yeah. He was a good husband. Oh yeah, the actual Shrek was a good guy.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah. Uh Lexi, what about you? What are some kind of early stage green flags that you might look for?

SPEAKER_04 12:56

Um I'm trying to think back of when me and my boyfriend started dating and what I was um probably the early stages, I think it's really like easy to realize like if they are looking for something or not, because a lot of the guys my age is like they're like, oh let's go on a date. But then after the date, they're like, Okay, now we have a date, so basically we can have sex now. And it's like, no, that's no, that's not how it works, actually. But I feel like a lot of guys, like you just have like they will put in effort and it shows. Like it really shows when a guy like you can tell if a guy likes you or not, and if you're double I feel like you're overthinking if he likes you or not, then he doesn't like you.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

That is so true. Yeah, if you're questioning probably a no.

SPEAKER_05 13:42

Yeah, yeah. Can I just like jump in here? Because I have to say, a few weeks ago when Lexi's boyfriend was here, it was uh we had bad weather in the driveway. We have like a really crazy driveway, and and Lexi's boyfriend was leaving, and he drives a truck, and Lexi was going somewhere in my car, and and Lexi's boyfriend backed out of the driveway and pulled over to the side of the road until Lexi backed out of the driveway site safely in in my car, and he went on his way and she went on her way. And I was like, that's a green flag. Oh, that's lovely.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_05 14:24

That's very very thoughtful. It is. Yeah. Maddie, if what what would you be looking for uh on a first date or if you met somebody and you're online and you're going back and forth? Like, what is a green flag for you?

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Intelligence. If he's not smart, I'm not interested. Right. You need that. And like he's like he knows like he's not an idiot, like his emotions are not emotional intelligence. Yes, like he can uh speak and convey uh things without you know making it a special what about we had this conversation uh before.

SPEAKER_05 15:02

What about like the online dating and the like messaging back and forth? Like I you know, we were I think it was when Lexi and her friends were on here, we're like, boys, text first. Like there just seems sometimes there's this game like of not like one person, the guy's waiting for the girl to text, the girl's waiting for the guy to text.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

I don't know if that's something well it's just fear of rejection, I guess. Nobody wants to be rejected, so nobody wants to be the first one to say anything, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

That's true, and I will say, having been on and off the apps, um, I like it when I actually don't personally care if a guy texts first, but text in full sentences, like use proper English instead of like what are you doing? So yeah, what's like what's going on now? Abbreviations, yeah, yeah. Like W Y D. I'm like, wow, 16 years old?

SPEAKER_04 15:58

Like what?

SPEAKER_01 15:59

HR U.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

That's I was gonna say exactly the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Oh, HRU.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I don't even know what that means.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

How are you?

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Oh when they're like they start with hey beautiful, or something like I don't even bother answering. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not gonna answer that. You don't know me, you have no, you know, you see a picture, yeah, and you're hey beautiful, or what whatever those kind no, I'm not even answering you back.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yeah, that's fair. It's like uh yeah, definitely respect people who are respectful and act like you've just met instead of just being like really casual and you know calling you baby or honey or beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

The hey sexy, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Hold on, I don't die. No, no, thank you. I don't like when they comment on my look first, like just be like, Hey, how are you? How's your week going? Or something like that. Like, don't start being like, oh my gosh, you're the most beautiful woman I've seen.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

Well, probably, but like if they ask about you, you feel like they're already interested in you as the person, rather than like, oh hey, you're so pretty, blah blah blah. Like, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

I appreciate the guys who actually read the bio and will pick up on something like a hobby, or like, yeah, you know, I've said on my bio in the past I'm really into horror movies, and I've had, you know, someone say, like, oh, like, what's your favorite horror movie of all time? Or like, what's the what's the most recent horror movie you watch? So it's like they're trying to engage you in your interests, not just like, hey, you're so gorgeous, you're so hot, you know, what's going on right now, but you know, actually trying to spark an intelligent conversation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:36

I don't like when guys go for like they look at a girl just for looks, but it's like, I might be fat shit crazy, you know. Like I might be really pretty, but I can fuck you up.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

But it's Delta.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Well, and also that's like the whole point of texting someone, man or woman or anyone really for a couple of days before you at least before you arrange a date, right? It's like, is this person a psycho? Yeah, can they hold an intelligent conversation? Um, do they have really weird niche interests like that freak me out? You know, it's just like you're assessing all of that in those first couple of exchanges. So again, like full sentences are key.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Yeah, and humor, I gotta say. The one we're spelling engaged with when I don't really use the apps, but the odd times I have kind of gone that route, it's those that A can hold an intelligent conversation, can spell, and that make me laugh. Like a little quirky. I do have the I like a little quirky, so a little edginess, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

It's like not you're not boring.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, that's so important. Um, okay, so we've talked about green flags. I'm curious, and and I know Tracy, like you said, you you haven't been like on the app so much, and I mean kudos to you because they're kind of a nightmare. Uh, but in situations like um, what are early stage red flags that you've personally experienced that have made you realize this is uh a situation where you do not pass go, you do not collect 200, you're like staying the hell away from this person after this point?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Uh well, as I said, I haven't really done the day to uh so and with the with the just sort of the online text show for me it's that the minute they're like, hey beautiful or whatever, something in that vein, when you haven't, you don't know me, you don't like nope that I'm not even answering you. Or if you know I might talk to somebody on an app and then like after maybe a day or two and then they're getting sexual again. No, I'm out, like that's that's not for me.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Sexual too soon is such a big red flag. It's like, oh, you are totally boundaryless.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah. I did speak to a guy once, and uh he was actually, I think he's from Newfoundland or somewhere like that. Was he the or P I I can't remember, but um we he was coming to Halifax for some for work, I think it was, and I was kind of like, okay, maybe you know, and he's like, we can be and then he started getting sexual and talking about a hotel and all this, and so I was like, Okay, I'm out. And I said to him, I'm out. That's right. And then he asked me if I had any friends who might be interested.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

It's like bang, you were blocked, you're out, you are way out.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Oh wow, so clearly just was like on a trip or whatever, wanted to hook up with somebody. Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's disgusting. Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

I I was quite I'm not a madam, I don't arrange.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah, that's what you're listening away. Okay, uh, moving along with the couch. Oh, I can't move this mic. There we go. Um, Lexi, what do you think? What are some like early stage or or yeah, like actual experiences that you've had before your current lovely boyfriend um that have been a huge turnoff, and you're like, hell no, I might.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

I went last year, I went on a date with a guy, and he was like not my type, but he was really nice over tax. I was like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna give it a chance. We went on a date. Oh my god, he only talked about himself. It was the only thing, and I would like, he was like, Okay, so like tell me something about you, and then he I would say something, he's like, Oh, and then this happened to me, blah blah blah. And it's like I'm like, ew, like ew.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

And yeah, just like I don't know, just so that was a first date and a last date, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:30

Oh yeah, yeah. I the thing is I try to block out all the guys that I went on dates at before. Like I kind of just totally don't even they didn't exist. They didn't exist.

SPEAKER_06 21:40

That's fair.

SPEAKER_04 21:40

I try to think back, but then it's like I literally just totally blocked that whole like those memories out of my mind. You can tell she's my daughter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Focus on the good. All right, so Maddie, what about you? I don't have any exactly

SPEAKER_05 22:00

Her her green her green flag is she just doesn't date.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Well I guess yeah. Well nobody nobody asks me and I don't really ask.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

You were talking to a guy though and you kept saying to me on don't know because I can't remember now what Well I have this guy on Snapchat, but he's the most boring guy I've ever met.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

He added me on well matched on Tinder. I don't even know why I matched it. He's not even attractive. It's not about what's on the outside. Right, right. It's the inside. I mean I mean faced him like once and I was like, I don't even remember what we're talking about, but he's like, yeah, I don't want to travel. Like, why? He's like, I just don't you know. I've he's like, I've been to Germany like six times, my grandparents lived there, I don't want to go again. I'm like, oh okay. And he's like, well, what are your he's like, my only goal is to build a house and live there for the rest of my life. I'm like, that's super boring. That is kind of boring. That's kind of boring. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

I'm pretty sure he said something, but he never left his house.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Like he had no friends. He lived in a house behind his parents. Um and he was one of those cat dads. Oh yes. Was he the same age as you? Ish? Yeah, kind of. I think he's a little bit older, but he was like Wow. And he works construction. I feel like that was a kind of a red flag. But maybe that's just me.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

Construction's a good career.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

I guess if you wanna like if you take the steps to make it worth it, if you're just gonna be like base level guy the whole time, like not gonna try and make any extra money or make your own little side business, what's the point? You're just like somebody's dog. Fair. You're just somebody's that is so true though.

SPEAKER_05 23:34

You're making like not a lot of money. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

And you only ever listen to like your people at work feel like, oh well, so-and-so at work said this, so it must be true. Well, yeah, my dad is a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

So real talk. Yeah, what you said, Maddie, just reminded me of something. Um, so I uh I went out on two dates with a guy. I was we uh we didn't FaceTime, but we did a phone call, his suggestion, and I I was very bored, similar to your situation. Um, but part of it was his voice. He sounded, he spoke very slowly, and he sounded like he was either really high or falling asleep. So I thought he was actually disinterested in me. I thought, oh no, like I'm literally putting him to sleep. I'm pulling out all the stuff, telling my best stories, and he's like, And so we met in person, and I realized that's just how he talked. He wasn't bored, like he just sounds like he's really high all the time. And um, we had like a conversation about like uh 90s nostalgia, but it was essentially based on remember cassettes, remember CDs, remember Walkman's? It was so boring. He looked like he was having such a great time, and I was basically falling asleep during the conversation. So he was like really he was very polite and a gentleman, but he was really bummed out that uh we did not have a third date, and I just I couldn't, you know. You some uh past a point you can't fake enthusiasm. And I like I like a passionate person, like I don't care where your passions lie, but if you're like really locked in and passionate about something, that's hot to me.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

Yeah, yeah. I like when guys have like special interests and then they get like super animated when they talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Like, yes, tell me everything about that one thing that you like. I I want to know. I will sit here and listen.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

Yeah, no, I agree, like there has to be something like that passion.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

Um my boyfriend loves Lego, he does, yeah. But the thing is, I used to kind of make fun of him, but he's got me into Lego now, so I can't really say anything. That's really cute.

SPEAKER_05 25:50

I like that. It is that's the like date thing, and he got her a golden retriever Lego just recently. It's so cute. Oh, that's so awesome. I love that. I know. I don't have any red flags, green flags because I just don't talk to people. So everything right now in my life is green flag because it's just like my friends. Well, same with me right now, right? Like we're just life is good, but I think like for me, if I was ever, ever to like go on a date, I would I again we talked about this before, but I want somebody just to like say, hey, do you want to go to dinner? Do you want to go like to this one place? Yes, absolutely. Don't ask me like what we talked about this with Serena. Don't ask me what day I want to go out, don't ask me where I want to eat, don't like just make a decision. Like to taking initiative. I'm attractive. So attractive.

SPEAKER_04 26:46

I like when men like plan the date and do the day and like okay, we're going here at this time, besides being like, what do you want to do? Which again, my boyfriend and I, when we go on very specific dates for like anniversaries, he always plans it. But if like we're just going on like a random like date on like the weekend, it's like where do you want to go? Like, what do you want to eat? Right.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

Yeah, because he's asking you what your like I can't even talk today. He's asking you your opinion, right? I just want to meet somebody not online because I don't want to do the texting back and forth. I just want to be out somewhere at an event or like at the grocery store. I'm like hanging out in Protos a lot, the Fall River Sobies, but I haven't found anybody yet. But just like, hey, hey, hey, do you want to grab a drink? Sure, let's do that. Do you want to go for a walk? Yeah, sure. So um I'll be hanging out by the strawberries, raspberries, blueberries.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

I'll be then with both. Yeah, Tracy's there too. I think that's the thing, is what you well know. I am not uh comfortable with the online day. We we've been through this a billion times. I think you've even said to me about going online. And I have been online. I go, I'll have you know maybe a few too many wines. Okay, I'll and then just what comes. I'm like, oh, I'm not doing this anymore. And I I I'm still old school.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

I I you know, I want to meet somebody, I want to be in a bar or whatever, and you get chatting with somebody, and then that's to me, there's no pressure with the online stuff, as you well know, that I feel this pressure that yeah, I can be getting on with somebody and whatever, but I'm like I'm not super confident about meeting them, and like even though this picture it's still I'm very like, oh god, they're gonna look at me and be like, oh whatever, and then you know, it's so yeah, I I'm very nothing meets in-person chemistry because you can have I've had crazy chemistry with people via text, and then nothing in person is so disappointing.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

It is all this effort and time, and you're getting yourself excited, and then you meet them in person, and it's like, oh god, there's not a connection, and then you just feel like I just wasted like two weeks of my life back and forth with this guy, and yeah, so I think that's why like I'm not against dating, it's not like I don't want to date, I just and it's not like I won't put effort in, I'm just not putting effort in online because we probably should go out more then because they're really not gonna knock on the shed door and be like Donna and Tracy were here last night, yeah. I'm like, nobody was in the box. There was like couples having meals and being done her at the bar. I had thought we might have spoken to like somebody else, but there was nobody.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

So you didn't proposition a couple the lady.

SPEAKER_05 29:42

And I wasn't hungry enough to order a whole pizza, and I I did give her a couple of looks like, hey, that pizza looks really good, beautiful. And then she took a red flag and started waving it around. I'm not sure why. Any last-minute thoughts on uh red flags versus green flags?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:06

Yawning.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Um over it, we're over it. We're over it.

SPEAKER_05 30:11

Yeah, and I think like I think there are, I'm sure men have a lot of red flag, green flag moments as well. Like, you know, it's not just it's we're probably not as good as ours, though. We're not there.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

That's fair. Fair and the thing as well is it's very different for everybody, isn't it? Because what might be a red flag to you may not be a red flag to me, though we have already discussed. I'm not obviously very clear at seeing the red flags, uh, where I'm saying, you know, something that I wouldn't find like offense, you know, somebody else may find extremely offensive because different, you know, just different ways of thinking about things.

SPEAKER_05 30:48

Right. But you find like, I mean, I've I've pushed you a few times, like, oh, just beat them or just do this. But Tracy's like, I don't know. And I think honestly, like her instinct, go with your instinct, stop listening listening to your best friend. She doesn't really know what the hell she's talking about. Um, but I'm just like, you have to put yourself out there, you have to put yourself out there. And uh, and the few times that she did, it's just like, oh, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

I would never force you to go on a date with anybody again. I did have one, I mean, he wasn't super bad, but like I so I did have a date with him. Okay, and that kind of went okay. We we we actually talked for quite a while, and of course, Donna B my bestie, I'd be like, blah blah blah, and she'd say, Oh, oh, he sounds great, oh yeah, he's funny, he's the whatever. And so eventually I agreed to a date, and uh it kind of went okay, like it was you know, we met in a bar, we like that that was all good, and then we ended up we were having like a uh a night at Donna's, and she said, You can invite him around. I sort of like, should I, should I not? And then I thought, well, I'm safe with you know my ex is here, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:05

And he did come, and yeah, so weird, so weird, and then he literally just disappeared at the end of the night. Like he came here in an Uber, he didn't call an Uber. I mean, we live outside the city, he was like in Dartmouth or something, and literally, like, I was freaked out. I'm like, Tracy, if this guy shows up on the side of the highway, like the last place the Uber said was my address.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Like, he literally I was like, Well, when we were kind of shitting down, I was like, Do you want me to wear with you when you get me? He wouldn't even speak to me. It's just so weird.

SPEAKER_05 32:41

He really was expecting that he would even stay at your house, and it was like, no, no, and he did that like the Cinderella thing, and he left a glove. Oh, yeah. What?

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Yeah, I have them now, they're quite warm gloves. Yeah, the nice gloves.

SPEAKER_05 32:56

Yeah, he lost both of them.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Yeah, um, but uh how romantic. He wasn't even here actually when I was here. I was going, he wouldn't talk to me, so I'm like, okay, good. And then he went down the drive and then I text him as you were come, nothing, never spoke to me again, ever, ever, ever. That's insane.

SPEAKER_05 33:14

Yeah, so we were like, I was checking the news, like did a guy's guy? I'm like, it's gonna come. Like, did he die on the side of the highway? Like, did he walk and get mugged? Like, I was so freaked out and concerned. Anyway, yeah, who knows where he is.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

So, yeah, I don't do the dating thing, but no, that's fair.

SPEAKER_05 33:35

I don't blame you. Well, thank you guys for sharing your red flags and green flags. Um, I think the one thing that we that we learn as we move through different relationships, whether it's um uh romantic relationships or even like friendship relationships, there's red flags and green flags in friendships as well. Um, sometimes they look like patterns, sometimes they look like things that make you feel uncomfortable, um, but you can't quite explain them. What is that song? Things that make you go oop. Um and sometimes we ignore them like Tracy did. Like there were red flags. All over. All over. Uh you too, mom. All right, well, I guess that was just told. Um but the beautiful thing about getting older is that we start recognizing them. Do we? Do we? And hopefully we will choose better.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Yes, hopefully we choose better, and uh we run away before those little pink flags turn into giant red flags. So uh thank you, ladies, for joining us. And uh, this has been our fun game edition of She Shed Unfiltered, red flag, green flag. Thanks for listening. This has been She Shed Unfiltered, where midlife isn't polished, it's real. From divorce and career pivots to perimenopause and everything no one warns us about. These are the honest conversations we've lived, survived, and shared with you today. Until next time, stay brave, be curious, and keep it unfiltered.