She Shed Unfiltered
Empowering women to thrive
From divorce and career pivots to perimenopause and everything no one warned us about, at She Shed Unfiltered we bring you the honest conversations we've lived and survived. Explore our podcasts, resources, and discussions designed to empower and inspire women through life’s changes. Together, we rise stronger, sharing our experiences and wisdom.
She Shed Unfiltered
Episode 14: Perimenopause. No one prepared us for it — and yet here we are.
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In this episode of She Shed Unfiltered, Donna and Meg skip the experts and get real about what it actually feels like when your body, brain, and hormones decide to do their own thing. From hot flashes and brain fog to weight gain, mood shifts, and sleep struggles, nothing is off limits.
But this conversation doesn’t stop there.
Because somehow… at the exact same time their hormones are going haywire, both Donna and Meg find themselves back in the dating world, navigating new relationships, vulnerability, and yes even a unicorn.
This episode is equal parts laughter, honesty, and “did that really just happen?” moments, including:
- The symptoms no one warns you about (and why it feels like you’re losing your mind)
- How perimenopause impacts confidence, body image, and sex drive
- The frustration of trying everything… and still not feeling like yourself
- Why women are left to figure this out on their own
- And the unexpected freedom of becoming completely unapologetic in midlife
If you’ve ever thought “what is happening to me?” , this conversation will make you feel seen.
Because midlife isn’t the end of something…
It’s the start of a version of you that gives far fewer f*cks.
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Welcome to Sheep Shed Unfiltered. This is not a podcast for perfect women or polite conversation. This is for the women who've been divorced, dismissed, burnt out, betrayed, and still somehow managed to show up, get shit done, and keep everyone else still alive. There'll be laughter, there may be tears, and you might even say, did they really say that shit? Just real women, real stories, and the kind of honesty that usually happens after the second glass of wine. The first season of She Shed Unfiltered is about the things we learned the hard way. The lessons no one warned us about. The moments that changed us. Whether we were ready or not. I'm Donna. And I'm Meg. Oh, welcome back to She Shed Unfiltered. Over the last few months, we've had a lot of recurring themes about change. But not the kind of change you plan for. The kind that shows up uninvited and quietly flips your world upside down. Midlife brings a lot of that. Loss, career shifts, and sometimes losing your sense of self-identity. Today we're talking about one of the least talked about but most experienced changes women go through. Perimenopause. Or as we like to call it, what the hell is happening to my body, and why didn't anyone warn me?
SPEAKER_02We really want to share our stories with you. Originally we thought maybe we'll have an expert in, a talking head, to discuss the early onset of perimenopause, what that looks like, the various stages. But honestly, Donna and I have both experienced this. We've been through it, even though there are 10 years between us, uh, we have a lot of stories to share and a lot of insights to provide. So we're just honestly gonna have a real raw conversation and hopefully it will resonate with you. Uh, and you'll have a laugh or two remembering what that feels like.
SPEAKER_00I feel like we're kind of experts in this topic anyway.
SPEAKER_02We totally are. We don't need an extra person. We got this.
SPEAKER_00We got this, we got this. So today we're just gonna kind of focus on the real conversation uh between Meg and I, the confusion, the frustration. Yes. Oh my god, and those unexpected symptoms that you like, what the hell was that? Um and you know, the things that no one prepares you for. Like, mom, why didn't you tell me this? Uh so we, you know, who we leaned on, who we learned or what we learned, and yes, we are going to tell a few stories completely oh frack. See? My memory. A few stories where we were completely lost our train of thought. Like most days in the she shed for me.
SPEAKER_02Definitely happens to me once a day at least. With our perimenopausal chat, uh, we are going to uh leave all the filter My My Filter fell off, like I'm gonna say years ago, probably when I was 40.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, no. I uh I have well, I think you might have seen the candle in my bathroom, like my last fuck is on fire. That's a perfect way to put it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So yeah. Oh yeah. Um, let's start um this week's episode though, before we dive into what it feels like to be very parry, which is what I like to call it. Um, Donna and I wanted to kind of share with you a little life update because in previous episodes we've talked about what it feels like to go through divorce, to reinvent yourself, to take tentative steps towards dating and maybe seeking a relationship again, but giving yourself enough time to heal first. So uh we both uh you'd almost think we planned it. We didn't. There were no prior meetings, but uh Donna and I are kind of experiencing a similar thing on a similar timeline. So, Donna, do you want to give our listeners a little update on what's been going on with you lately?
SPEAKER_00Oh well. Um well, a few things. I think uh in our episode with Dr. Jim Guthrow, I think I did indicate that I would never date again. You did. Yeah, I did, yeah. Um, and then uh I do remember, even though you know my brain is in menopause, uh I do remember in episode four when I said that I was looking for a unicorn. Uh like I literally had a list of things that uh we kind of laughed about. Um It was an impressive list, I will say. Yeah, yeah. Um and now I'm like, did I accidentally manifest a unicorn? Uh because I have met someone and uh he is surprisingly checking all of those boxes. Oh my god, tell us more. I think I'm gonna keep the rest uh keep the rest quiet for a little bit. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I just wanted to kind of give a little shout out to my unicorn.
SPEAKER_02That's exciting. And how long have you been uh seeing this unicorn?
SPEAKER_00Uh well, we met a month ago just accidentally um at a community center in Wentworth of all places. Yeah, on the dance floor. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02I love that. And as for my little update, um, it's what what's happening with me is a little bit fresher um as in more recent than uh than Donna, but for the past two weeks I have been seeing someone, and uh I did actually on a whim went back on Bumble, despite my last experience being a little bit lackluster. I was on for six or seven days, and I had four first dates, which honestly is really intense, and I do not recommend. I just kind of wanted to get on the app and off as quickly as possible, I guess. So I was very aggressive with scheduling the first dates. But the uh the second of the four uh first dates that I went on ended up being someone really cool and unexpected. And uh the funny thing is that we only live one kilometer away from each other.
SPEAKER_00That's convenient. Very convenient.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we're basically within walking distance, and um, much to my surprise, no red flags or pink flags, as we've mentioned on previous episodes so far. It's been fields of green. Uh, so obviously it is early days, but I am uh also very excitedly kind of putting myself back out there and um excited to be with someone who's really cool and maybe my version of a unicorn.
SPEAKER_00So, you know, we have this podcast now, and we talk a lot about our personal life and relationships. We do. Um, this guy that you're seeing, does he know that you uh host a podcast?
SPEAKER_02He does actually. I told him, and I said I was very hesitant to tell him the name of the podcast because early on I wasn't sure if I wanted him to know so much about me so fast. And he took a couple of days, but a few days after I mentioned it, and then finally relented and gave him the She Shed Unfiltered name, he said I listened to episode one highly approve. So that took the pressure off a little bit. I don't know if he has listened to any subsequent episodes, but he said that he likes it.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So uh so my unicorn, um he has listened to every episode, every single one. Keener. Yeah, and uh, and so it feels you know, he says it's it feels, you know, he knows so much about me and can you know, kind of what I've been through and what I'm looking for that he he's like, I feel like it's you know unfair to you. Um, but I'm I just feel like should guys be nervous dating us when we have a podcast?
SPEAKER_02I wouldn't say nervous, I would say they need to step their game up. I think they need to bring their best selves, and uh, you know, they should count themselves lucky if we mention them on the podcast. And to be fair, we are classy, and it's not as if we divulge first and last names and social insurance numbers or anything like that, right? You know, we uh we are we are right, not yeah, yeah. We're not huxing anybody, people. Uh, but we I think I like to think that we are classy about it, and uh, while we're honest on the mics, we don't necessarily kiss and tell. So, but but at the same time, boys, behave yourselves.
SPEAKER_00So let's gonna start asking you questions, but I forgot we don't kiss and tell.
SPEAKER_02So depends depends on the question. I mean, you can ask, but you know. That'll be later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's another episode. We'll talk about Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it's early days, so like there's uh honestly at this point there's not much to tell.
SPEAKER_00All right. Well, we're talking about dating. So dating in midlife is one thing. Yes. But dating with your while your hormones are doing whatever they're doing, like that's a whole other level. Like, I I mean the the the time that I've spent um with I'm sorry, I'm calling you the unicorn because I'm not gonna say your name right now. I think it's a good name, the unicorn. Yeah, I'm gonna get a t-shirt made for 'em. Um I'm constantly having hot flashes. Yeah. Right? So, you know, we were out for wings Thursday night, and my jacket's on and it's off and it's on and it's off and it's on and it's off. And uh, you know, it's just constant. And luckily, you know, I can laugh about it, and he laughs about it. But um I mean hot flashes are just one symptom of perimenopause. So, you know, what's it like, you know, at 45 and you have these symptoms and your and your hormones are out of whack, and most of the time we don't even know what's happening to us.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's a great question. So definitely with you on the hot flashes. That is so relatable. The constantly, I need to dress in layers, have I real talk, have I put on enough deodorant? Uh, have I have I dressed appropriately for the evening? Because you're right, your your body temperature is never the same one minute to the next. And uh, so that's a challenge. I also find, I don't know if you have this experience, Donna, but I find sometimes, depending on the day, the level of moodiness, the level of body temperature change, it kind of steals your mojo a little bit. So, you know, I don't necessarily, if I'm, you know, going through a hot flash, I don't exactly feel sexy or like I even am in that mode of wanting to be seen uh the way I might have been in my late 20s or early 30s, even. So I do I do struggle with that, and I have had challenges with that in the past, where how do you kind of reclaim your confidence when your hormones are just totally going haywire and there's that level of unpredictability day to day, and let's be real, it fucks with your sleep as well.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02So sometimes you just don't even feel like yourself and you're white knuckling through the day. Um, how about you? How's it been for you lately?
SPEAKER_00Well, I think I'm coming to the end, but I hope so. Yeah, right? But I don't I still have the symptoms, and mostly the hot flashes and joint pain. Like my knee, I'm always in pain. Oh, really? Yeah, and so you're sitting down and you go to get up. I mean, that's so embarrassing. You're on a date and you go to stand up and you limp, and I'm just like, I have to walk it out for a minute. I'm like, I'm not old, I was just athletic when I was younger. Yeah. Screwed up my knees.
SPEAKER_02Which is true, but that's so frustrating, and also I'm sure it's unpredictable as well, right? You don't know when that pain's gonna come on.
SPEAKER_00No, and sometimes I'm great, and other times I'm not, but um, I'm hoping I'm at the end of it. Like, I had an IUD taken out last April. Yep. And I said to my doctor, like, when when will I know that I'm like over the perimenopause and into like postmenopause? And she's like, if you go one year without your period, so it's been a year. I haven't had a period. So am I am I over it?
SPEAKER_02I mean, that's supposed to be the main marker of menopause, but it is again, it's so tricky to tell because you're still experiencing the other symptoms, right? Right. So I kind of it was my impression that okay, 12 months, no period, then the other symptoms fade away, but that's not necessarily the case. It's not linear.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not. I mean, the one thing I can definitely say is like my emotional my emotions are really level, like they're good. Good. So I don't have I don't have that emotional up and down like I used to have. Yeah. Still have the hot flashes, I don't have the night sweats. I think brain fog will just always be there. Yeah, I struggle with that as well. Yeah. I mean you saw me the well, actually you didn't when we went out for dinner the other night. I left my wallet at home. Oh yeah. Then I couldn't find my keys when we were leaving the restaurant. Yes. Just yeah, complete chaos. Like I am, I feel like I'm chaos to be around.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I feel the same way too. Well, I told you, I think, at that dinner the other night, um, that I was driving out of the garage and then uh rain started hitting the windshield of my car, and I shook my fist and went, stupid water, and I couldn't remember the name for rain. And I mean it's just that you know, the most basic things, it does make you feel like you're losing your mind sometimes because the most basic recall is just not there. You know, like I swear I'm an intelligent, high-functioning person, but it just makes you feel like you're not. I know.
SPEAKER_00Like damn water coming out of the sky. Oh, sky water.
SPEAKER_02Sky water, skywater. Uh so yeah, it's definitely challenging. Do you find that now, since you're technically in the menopause phase, so-called, um, do you feel better than you did, say, four or five years ago? Like it sounds like the mood is stabilized, which is great, but what about the other symptoms? Are they kind of fading a bit over time?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think so. I mean, the biggest thing, like, for me, when I was starting perimenopause, I actually thought, like, I went to my doctor several times talking to her about my memory. I'm like, I I think I might have like early stages of dementia. Oh, that's scary. And, you know, she wasn't taking me serious, and it really bothered me. Like, I would have someone come into my office and say, Hey Donna, like, remember when we were talking a few days ago about X, Y, or Z? And I literally couldn't remember. Like, you know, I explain my brain like a filing cabinet. I have all these files and I know they're there, and I'll pull it out when I need to know it. And normally I can, and I couldn't. And she's like, Oh no, you're just it, you know, it's stress. And I'm like, but it's not stress. Like, I don't really feel stressed. I'm stressed right now because I can't remember. Seriously. But yeah. And she never ever once mentioned perimenopause. Strange. Yeah. And it wasn't until I started having some other symptoms and and then like the emotional imbalance, and you know, I went on antidepressants to kind of help with that, and then I wasn't sleeping well, and and started taking some meds to help me sleep, but it I mean, really, I found out through talking to other people and researching symptoms myself. And and TikTok. There's a lot of stuff on TikTok. There really is, and Instagram as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember like some of the first signs that you had?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So let me look back. Um, so when I was 39, it was a bit odd because emotionally I was going through a lot of strife because I'd lost my job and my marriage was ending. But physically, I was probably in the best shape of my life. So it was such a strange contrast, if like kind of a contradiction. Like on the outside, I looked fine, and people were like, oh yeah, she's living a great life. And then on the inside, it was just complete devastation and turmoil. Um, and then when I turned 40, it was almost like someone flicked a switch where it felt like my metabolism changed. I was more quick to anger. I was very impatient. Now, I've never been great with patience in general, but I feel like it just got so much worse so quickly. I was just like, you know, so quick to kind of get pissed off about any little thing, which I'm like, that's not me, you know. And um, certainly I noticed that, you know, if I so much as winked or flirted with a muffin, I was up five pounds. So it was really frustrating. I was like, what is happening right now? You know, like 39, I thought I had a lock on my diet and my exercise. Like I felt very confident with that part of my life. And then it felt like, in a way, my body was betraying me and I didn't really understand what it was. I also went to my GP as you did, who was um retired now. I won't say his name, a very nice guy, but very old school. I've been going to him since I was a kid, and he was I I mean, he looked ageless, but I've got to say he was probably in his late 70s. Oh wow. He took a long time for him to retire. Um, I probably due to the doctor shortage. Um, but anyway, I did blood test and he said, Yeah, you seem to be uh heading in that direction. And he wouldn't say the word menopause or perimenopause, and he also wouldn't make eye contact, so it was very unhelpful. And then as you said, talking to girlfriends, doing your own self-guided research, right? Not actually getting the information you need from healthcare professionals that you hope to rely on for this kind of thing, um, I found out about the Bedford Women's Health Clinic. So eventually I went there and uh, and uh probably two, two or three, no, three or four years in, I got a prescription for um hormone replacement therapy, HRT. And honestly, once I got the dosage right, it's been a game changer. So I really had adverse effects on my sleep, and that actually helped with the night sweats, and so like I felt temperate going to bed. I could sleep through the night, which felt like a miracle, and it did regulate my mood a bit as well and had some other peripheral effects that were really great. But the weird thing is, even though all the doctors at the women's clinic were women, which is great, so like you understand what I'm talking about, you've been through it, um, or are about to go through it or have studied it, but they were somehow only allowed to say that the HRT would only help with hot flashes. Right. Nothing else. So I thought, okay, well, I mean, I guess I'll try it. This goes against what I've read online and what friends have told me. And sure enough, when I actually went on it, three to four weeks in, okay, hot flashes gone. Now I still get them a little bit, but it kind of depends. They're they're completely gone at night.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And mood, a little bit better, a little more patient, a little less of the feminine rage. And although that comes and goes, um, depending on how many straight men are in the room, but and uh and just all these other little things that it helped. So I just found it really interesting that the uh healthcare professionals were only allowed to say this will help you with one thing, whereas it even helped with reducing brain fog. So I just so curious as to why that is. Like, why aren't they allowed to say that for some women there are actually more holistic improvements that happen over time?
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah. Yeah. I I I did not try hormone replacement therapy. Uh huh. I have um I'm prone to aura migraines, so I'm high risk for stroke. And there was some research that would that stated that HRT drugs could uh not have a positive effect on uh women who are high risk for stroke. Anyway, that was a myth, but I'm at the point now where I'm like, hopefully like through it. Fingers crossed, yeah, that it hopefully won't be something that you need. Yeah, exactly. But interesting enough, um, you know, I put on weight for the first time in my life with menopause and like gained almost well, 30 pounds, and it was really bothering me. And so I there's gonna be like people are gonna comment on this one, but I I went on Ozempic and lost 30 pounds, but I came off of it because I was last this time last year I was super thin, like too thin. But what it was doing was also it took away my hot flashes and it took away all my joint pain. It did?
SPEAKER_02It did that's so interesting. It took away your hot flashes.
SPEAKER_00It took away my hot flashes, please. Yeah. So I was talking to my doctor about it. Ha. And she said that they're ha oh, sorry, I have like a frog in my throat. Oh dear. I should have a drink of beer. Yes, you should. Let me see if this helps. So she so my doctor said interesting, they've heard a lot about uh the joint like inflammation because Ozempic helps with the inflammation in your body. Oh, I see. So it took away the joint pain. But she was on shore why it was taking away the hot flashes. So my hot flashes basically went away. And I stopped taking Ozempic like la like Christmas time.
SPEAKER_02Okay. And they came back.
SPEAKER_00And everything came back. Oh, that's so frustrating. Including the weight. That's so hard.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm actually, I mean, I'm in the same boat as you kind of pre-Ozempic. Um, I'm not on uh GLP one, but uh yeah, like thirty thirty pounds and uh hard to get off. Yeah. Uh I worked with a trainer for nine months, and uh although to be fair, I'm I'm really good on the exercise side of things, but I certainly am uh an emotional eater at times, not a binger, but um, you know, sometimes with the hormonal late night snacking is uh not not a path to healthy weight loss. Uh, but it's it's so challenging. I feel like when it's hormone-based, it's just a whole different ballgame. Yeah, it really is.
SPEAKER_00You can't control it, right?
SPEAKER_02You can't. No, it's it's so, it's just like again, like it feels like your body is betraying you. I'm like, I don't quite feel like myself. And like, this is not what I'm supposed to feel like. This is not what my body is supposed to be doing right now. So I think kind of trying to give yourself grace during that time is I think one of the hardest things, you know, like being being kind to yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, no, it's so challenging. Like, like you, I started like three years ago. I had a personal trainer, I was going there, I was seeing him like one on one, two to three times a week.
SPEAKER_02Yep, same.
SPEAKER_00You know, I I was watching my diet, I gave up all the good stuff, I gave up alcohol, and you know, and it was expensive. Like every time I saw him, it was a hundred dollars. So expensive. And I lost three pounds. I was getting up in the morning, going to the gym for six o'clock in the morning, watching what I ate, you know, getting my protein up, and you know, paying more money than I had, and I couldn't lose any weight. And I was so frustrated that I just went back to like emotional eating, and and so, you know, everyone said to me, like, why are you on Ozempic? You're like, You're thin. And I'm like, I yes, I'm tall and thin, but I never had middle weight before. Right. And it was really affecting my my psyche, right? I couldn't fit into my clothes, and I just I didn't feel like myself. I think the emotional side of it was probably, you know, had something to do with it. But I hate it, I hate it the way I felt.
SPEAKER_02And it's not even about like comparing ourselves to other women, it's more like comparing ourselves to past us, right? Like before we had to deal with perimenopause, it's like, well, that was my comfort zone. Like I liked being that version of myself. How do I get back to that? And it feels it can feel impossible. Right. It did feel impossible, right?
SPEAKER_00Like I was always somebody who worked out, never had to worry. The only time I ever put on weight was when I had kids, and then Which is natural, which is natural, right? And then all of a sudden, here I am, 30 pounds heavier than I've ever been. And it was just my jeans, like I get home from work and I had to get like sweatpants on or my pajama bottoms because I'm big on the soft pants.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, right. Hard pants are hard.
SPEAKER_00Very hard, very hard. But yeah, no, it's uh it's definitely, you know, a journey that none of us are prepared for. Like I remember my mom in the 80s when I was a teenager. Yeah, she would go outside in the winter, like she would be on the couch and she would just open the front door and go stand on the doorstep. And we just laughed at her. But she's like, I never knew of any other symptoms. I just associate it like menopause, perimenopause, with hot flashes. And and that's mostly what's talked about too.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's just the as if it's just one thing, like just the hot flashes. Because I'm the same way. Like I remember my mom growing up in like the especially in the late 80s, early 90s. Um, I have two distinct memories. One is that she started going on primrose oil, which is apparently supposed to help. Now I haven't tried it myself, but is supposed to help with hot with hot flashes and managing perimetopausal symptoms. And I also remember her quietly cursing, walking up and down the hallway between the bedrooms and like flapping her nightgown. Oh yeah. And just like, what is her deal? Like, why is she always so grumpy? Well, now I know because I am grumpy for the same reasons. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, I I really like to, well, obviously, you know, I like to talk about things. So um I've always been really open with the perimenopause and all the symptoms. And even at work, like, you know, our team just laughs at me. Like I'll be in my office and I can feel like the hot flash coming on. And I have to stand up, I can't sit in my chair, and then I I dress in layers, and so the first layer comes off, and and I don't hide it.
SPEAKER_02Like, I'm just like, this is I like that though, because that's real life, you know, and I feel like because it's not well researched and not really talked about, as you said, like beyond hot flashes, which I guess is maybe one of the more obvious symptoms because you can see a woman who's in distress and taking off a sweater or whatever randomly, like even if it's a cold day or even like the middle of winter, like your mom going outside. Um oh my god, brain fog people. I just lost my thought in the middle of that. Um oh, it'll come back. Yeah, see, I'm just um just illustrating perimenopause right now in our conversation. Struggle is real. Struggle is so real.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, that uh that thought flew away and she's not coming back. So, what other symptoms can you think of that that you have or had, have, had, had? Great question.
SPEAKER_02Uh, okay, so let's see. So yeah, hot flashes. That's the obvious one. Definitely um difficulty sleeping that I had not experienced to that extreme since being a new mum. Okay. So, so definitely, um, obviously it happened for different reasons. Um, but but extreme sleep deprivation, which again further alters your mood, right? Beyond just the the actually hormonally driven mood swings. Um, what else? Um, it changed my relationship with food, I'll say. I found it much harder to resist any emotional eating, or I would get this, I would eat nor very normally healthy during the day, and I'd get this crazy, ravenous hunger at night, and I just nothing would satisfy me. I would just want to eat, and I'd I'd have to go to bed early to kind of stop that in its tracks. I don't know if that happened to you, but definitely uh, definitely tricky uh kind of turning into a hormonal snack monster, I guess. Right.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if I had the snack monster thing. Okay, good. But I also I think I was always a snack monster. Yeah, I'm I I'm the type of person, not so much now, but I would come home and like crack a Pepsi, open a bag of chips while I cook dinner. Uh yes. I'm a snacker. Yeah I love snacking. Yeah, and unfortunately, right now I like all the bad snacks. Me too.
SPEAKER_02Sweet and salty, right now. Oh my god, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I never was like uh I never had a huge sweet tooth. Like I was I'm like the salt. Give me chips, give me popcorn, I'm happy. But lately, like this past year, and I think it's the emotional like binging, especially since I came off Ozempic last year, right? I just want something sweet, and there we have like a little treat, a junk drawer that I don't even like the stuff in there, but I find myself reaching for one of Rowan's granola bars that has like the chocolate covered granola bars. Oh, yes. And I don't even like them, I'm not even enjoying it. So I've I've recently like stopped doing that because one, I don't want my genes to get any tighter. Fair popping buttons soon. Um and you know, I just trying to get healthier and get rid of the inflammation and sugar causes all that inflammation. But I'm trying to think back of my symptoms and I think the brain fog. I can't remember all of them, but definitely like memory and brain fog. Yes, that's a big one, right? Yeah, um, the emotions that was huge for me. And I don't know if it's like my meds that keep me like calm or just eight like age and I I'm living a very peaceful life. Like I'm you know, I'm surrounded by people I enjoy being around.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I take like all the negativity that has happened, like it's gone for me now. Like, and I'm just I'm I'm living a very authentic life and and being genuine to myself and the people around me. So I think that's brought me a lot of peace. So like emotionally, like I'm just really calm and steady.
SPEAKER_02That's amazing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think like women talk about lack of sex drive, and you know, again, I don't know if I I blamed the lack of uh desire on men like perimetopause, but I think it might have been situational. Yeah, that makes sense, yeah. That makes sense, yeah. I mean, I don't know, but I'm thinking that um, you know, when Serena asked me on the couch that day, like, well, do you have desire right now? And I'm like, well, not right now, or sitting on a couch, but you know, I certainly think about it and I certainly desire it. So I think that it was maybe more situational, or maybe I am in like post-menopause now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I think you're right. I think, you know, for us, women have these kind of rich interior lives and emotional lives. And I feel like, you know, who is your object of affection? I mean, I'm you know, I'm not just horny for the world. You know, it's like you you you kind of want to have a specific love interest. And I also think that sex drive libido is highly variable, and and I don't think that there's one universal experience through perimenopause. Like, weirdly, I found that after I turned 40, my sex drive went up.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Like, and and I don't know again, is that situational for me? Because that's when my marriage ended, right? Right. And the last three years of my marriage were largely almost entirely sexless. So was that part of the menopausal surge of hormones, or was that because suddenly I was a free bird and able to date again? Hard to say. But it it continues, uh, you know, the sex drive continues to be high. So I mean, who the hell knows?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think I'm it's probably a mix of both. Because I remember uh like being in my like my marriage was ending, and I was like, I don't maybe I just don't like sex. Right? You know, we didn't we did not have like a great sex life. Um, and I'm like, maybe I just don't like sex. And then I became single in my 40s and discovered that oh no, I actually really like sex. Yes. Right? And so um again, I I don't know, like the last few years of my relationship, yeah, you know, uh I felt like sex became more of a duty and uh I felt less desired.
SPEAKER_02And that takes the fun right out of it too. Oh yeah that situation. Right.
SPEAKER_00Who wants to be like a checkbox?
SPEAKER_02And you don't want it to be homework, like oh I have to have my sex today.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, right. But I'm like I'm the t I know now in my 50s that like you just said, like I want a connection. Like you know, I think sex is wonderful and you know you know it can be wonderful and it can be beautiful, but for me, I have to have a connection with somebody and um and see where that goes, and then hopefully the the other pieces will be incredible because there's a good connection.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think the connection definitely comes first. You need that solid foundation. Yeah, you want someone who you know makes you feel safe and cared for. Otherwise, you know, sex is not gonna be a good time for us. It's not gonna be something that we crave. Yeah, exactly. So actually, um, I'm gonna pivot a little bit and talk about some key statistics that I found out. Um, you know, kind of the headline here is I'm a little bit depressed at how little menopausal and perimenopausal research has uh dominated medical research. It's it's really uh really scant. So uh I just have a little bit of um little bit of kind of info to share here. Uh so for example, there's a landmark national report, um, which was The Silence and the Stigma, Menopause in Canada. I kind of decided, you know, for the purposes of this podcast to focus on Canadian statistics. So this one was um quite extensive, only happened in 2022. So it's very recent. I know. And uh so that was um published by the Menopause Foundation of Canada, uh, really the first large-scale national report that happened. And um basically like the main, the main kind of revelations of that report were that 46% of women felt unprepared for menopause. I think Donna and I, we can attest to that. We were not prepared. Um, 54% said menopause is still taboo. I feel like hopefully that's um that's easing. I do, I certainly, I mean, obviously my algorithm is attuned to this, but I see a lot of like menopausal content on my socials and articles and podcasts and things like that. So I feel like that's heartening to see that trend. Um, more people are talking about it and like Donna people like you just talking about it at work. I do think that's important, you know, and just like to take the stigma out of the way.
SPEAKER_00Well, you have to normalize it, right? And I don't want like, you know, I have a mix of um male and female um members of my team, and you know, a few of them are, you know, I think Vanessa's 43 and Michelle's like 45 or 46. Yep. I want them to know it's okay. You can come to work and if you need to go outside, or if you're having an emotional day, or you know, whatever, or you're tired because you didn't sleep the night before. Yep. That's okay. We're we're gonna get through this together.
SPEAKER_02It's such such a supportive environment. I love that. Yeah, and it's it's you don't have to hide it. If you're going through it, you don't have to hide it.
SPEAKER_00You don't have to hide it. And it's great for the males that work with us because either they their wives are going through it, or they're younger and they're they see what uh how supportive they need to be when their wives get to that point in their lives. Lead by example. I love that.
SPEAKER_02So so yeah, that's uh that's that study. And then more recently there was the uh the midlife revolution report. Uh so this was 2024. Uh and um let me see. Okay, so um over just over a thousand Canadian women, 96% believing there is insufficient research. No duh, I say to that. Uh major gaps in healthcare support, workplace accommodations, and tailored products and services. Uh direct evidence that uh Canadian women perceive research itself as lacking, not just the care. So, so yeah, it's uh we're not painting a pretty picture here. And uh, and then finally, um uh the most recent survey, um, Shoppers Foundation for Women's Health study in 2025. 79% of women feel unprepared. That is a damn high number. One in five, totally unfamiliar with perimenopause. That was kind of surprising to me, right? Like, so it's not just about like we need care, we also need education.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, absolutely. And I mean, I didn't know there was a difference between perimenopause, met menopause. I mean, I just thought it was menopause. I didn't know there was like a perimenopause and a postmenopause.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And then and then like a doctor saying to me, like, menopause is actually one day. It's like, like you said, Donna, like it's it's the day that where you reach 12 months of not having your period. So the rest is either perimenopause or post-menopause. Who knew? That's not taught to anyone at any point, and like you said, a lot of the stuff that we learn is either anecdotally through friends and family or DIY research. Right, which is so unfortunate.
SPEAKER_00Right. And like it blows my mind that we are left to kind of figure this out on our own. And again, not to like we don't put down the male uh gender uh on this podcast, but you know, I'm sure when the the first man uh couldn't get an erection, they were like, we gotta do something about this retro boys, let's get the little blue pill going, right? But here we are left with like all of these different symptoms, and we just have to figure it out ourselves.
SPEAKER_02And literally something that can take a decade plus of our adult lives. I mean, that is a substantial amount of time, so it's kind of staggering how little research has been done to support us through that hormonal journey.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's nice to see people having conversations, and it's great, like the IWK has taken like huge steps, right? So it's wonderful that they're looking at women's health beyond um the hospital, but you know, with with menopause and menopause and postmenopause.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, is the IWK the one who's spearheading the um Atlantic uh medical center? Yes. Yeah. Okay, that's I cannot wait for that to open its doors. I know, I know. It's gonna be so good. So yeah, I like really hoping that um that will help with um peri and menopausal research, awareness, education, and uh, you know, just giving women the tools that they need to better navigate and to understand what's coming because I feel like, you know, getting your period as a rite of passage, we have for the most part adequate information and education around that. But perimenopause is for a lot of people just a damn mystery.
SPEAKER_00I know, and it lasts forever. Oh, yeah. Like, oh, what the hell?
SPEAKER_02And yeah, and I notice like I have a lot of women who are uh in my life, fortunately, who are either my age or older, which I love, um, and uh women wiser than me. And um a lot of the conversations do cycle around like what do I do next? This is what's happening, this is the phase of perimenopause I'm in. I'm taking these expensive supplements, I'm going to the doctor, I'm doing these things, I'm trying to stay active, trying to eat enough protein. You know, I feel like there's this kind of long health-based to-do list that we have, and then sometimes it still doesn't feel like it's working. Right.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. I have more supplements in my cupboard. Oh, and the pill cases, I'm like, oh my God, I have to take I actually stopped, but um, it was just, you know. It's a whole job. It's a whole job. I went to um, I went to a a natural path. Oh, natural path. So I went to a natural path trying to find like, you know, answers to help me with, you know, all the different symptoms I had. And I came out of there with like 10, 12 different supplements. Oh my gosh. You know, and all of them cost money. They they're not covered under our health plan.
SPEAKER_02No, they are not, which is another shortcoming. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you're paying for these and you think, like, okay, that's great, you know, I can I was fortunate enough to be able to purchase them, but what about the women who can't? Exactly. Right?
SPEAKER_02There's no for It gets expensive really fast. So expensive.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I you're you're right. I I don't know where I fall on the supplements uh because I'm taking a few. There are always friends tell me there are always more I could be taking, right? It's like, where does it end? Am I supposed to take like 20 a day? I don't know, right?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, you have these. I don't know if you've another symptom. Sorry, I'm just like random thought because that's the brain. Um hair loss was another one.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. Yes. So that's for me as well. Um I experienced it, maybe you did as well, Donna, um, right after I had my daughter. Yep. Um, so it's like you have lustrous, gorgeous hair when you're pregnant, and then it all flipping falls out um afterwards. Experienced that again. I swear there are like curly tumbleweeds in my apartment. I have to vacuum all the time. It's ridiculous. I mean, luckily I have thick hair, so I never really notice any bald spots or anything. But yeah, it's it's I'm constantly shedding like a cat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Every time I get out of the shower, I'm like, oh my god, I lost more hair. Like, how is this possible? And you know, I've always had fine hair, but I've always had a ton of hair. Right. And now I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be a bald old lady if this keeps up. So Well, it looks good.
SPEAKER_02I can't I can't tell that you're uh that you're losing hair. Uh so thankfully it looks good, but but it is freaky, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00It is. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I talked to a lot of my friends who are going through uh perimetopause and they've all experienced hair loss, which is not a symptom that anybody ever Talked about. Yeah. Right. So true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So listeners, we would love to hear from you and find out your um funny or horror stories of perimenopausal experiences. And I'd like to just leave you with um a few little resources, and we will, I promise, uh link these in the show notes. But um, you know, we do want you to feel supported, which is really not how we felt when we were, you know, initially going through all of this. Um, on a on a local level within Nova Scotia, there's the Bedford Women's Health Clinic, which was honestly a huge resource for me. And they were just, I liked how open and honest they were. And it was all women. I like the all-female staff because they just they get it. Uh, there's the menopause foundation of Canada, which was actually only founded in 2021. So that's basically brand spanking new. And uh, internationally speaking, there's the menopause society. They have actually been around since 1989, so they're better established. And uh if you want to do a little reading just for fun, I love the title of this book. What Fresh Hell Is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You by Heather Corinna uh comes highly recommended and uh is about hormone therapy, self-care, menopause, and perimenopause symptoms, all that good stuff. So definitely recommend uh giving that one a look. But uh yeah, it is it we feel you, it is a lot to navigate, and we're certainly continuing to navigate it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, I mean we're all trying to navigate it and figure out what the hell's going on with our bodies and our minds, and um, you know, shedding that version that used to be us and getting used to this new version of who we are. And honestly, like one of the beautiful things about getting older and um you know going through this journey is you do really stop like you you become, or at least I have, unapologetic. Yeah. I just don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_02That's such a good way to put it. I I it's very freeing, definitely kind of mentally and emotionally. It's freeing. I don't put so much weight on what other people think of me. I find it easier to be more true to myself and advocate for my needs in the moment, which is a beautiful thing. Right. And it's yeah, it's that I don't give a fuckness of it. It's it's so nice. I know, and uh in honestly, personally and professionally, and I find it's easier for me to have difficult conversations with people, as long as they're honest, right? You know, and and you know, respectful um when you can be, but um honest conversations with people um because life's too short, you know, it is mine as well, just be honest and and get right to the point, and that is so much easier now than it was, say, 10 or 15 years ago. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00And I think that just gets better with age. Yes. You know, I look at my mom and she's 88, and she doesn't give a flying fuck about like she she'll say whatever she wants, and I'm like, I can't wait. I can't wait to that point.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that actually almost there, but that sounds amazing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and yeah, looking forward to uh, I mean, even you're giving me hope, Donna, that kind of like um post-perimenopausal kind of light at the end of the tunnel where those symptoms begin to subside, and then you're you're genuinely starting a new chapter. You're not kind of in that hormonal transition. So I definitely look forward to that. Stick with me, kid.
SPEAKER_00I'll show you what it's like on the other side. That's right. You're like, take my hand. So if you've enjoyed our conversation today, please go to Instagram and follow and like us and uh and share our podcast with your friends.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for listening. This has been She Shed Unfiltered, where midlife isn't polished, it's real. From divorce and career pivots to perimenopause and everything no one warned us about. These are the honest conversations we've lived, survived, and shared with you today. Until next time, stay brave, be curious, and keep it unfiltered.