Episode 16: I Took My Space Back

EPISODE 16 — I Took My Space Back

After heartbreak, loss, and major life shifts, Donna and Meg talk about the surprising power of reclaiming your space, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

From packing away old memories to repainting walls, changing routines, reclaiming your side of the bed, and creating peace inside your home, this episode explores how healing often begins with the smallest changes.

But this conversation goes deeper than furniture and décor.

It’s about nervous systems, grief, boundaries, betrayal, loneliness, friendship, emotional survival, and the quiet realization that home should feel safe — especially to you.

Because sometimes reclaiming your space is really about reclaiming yourself.

Sometimes healing doesn’t begin with a breakthrough.
Sometimes it begins with moving the furniture.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Welcome to Sheep Shed Unfiltered. This is not a podcast for perfect women or polite conversation. This is for the women who've been divorced, dismissed, worked out, betrayed, and still somehow managed to show up, get shit done, and keep everyone else still alive. There'll be laughter, there may be tears, and you might even say, did they really say that shit? Just real women, real stories, and the kind of honesty that usually happens after the second glass of wine. The first season of She Shed Unfiltered is about the things we learned the hard way. The lessons no one warned us about. The moments that changed us. Whether we were ready or not. I'm Donna. And I'm Meg. Alright. Well, welcome back to the She Shed. Meg, how was your week?

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Yeah, um, I had a good week. Um my uh my new guy is away on a business trip this week, so I was a little bit sad, but um we've had some really good conversations. We had like an old school phone call. Kids, do you remember what that is? No video component, just just a phone call. Um, and he's coming back tonight, so I'm really excited about that. Um, because you know that's like a third of our dating life. He's been gone, which is ridiculous. And then um through work I've had a few um opportunities where I get to be a teacher to um young up-and-coming entrepreneurs or potential entrepreneurs with pitches. So I'm actually really excited about that because I love to teach and I love to mentor. So this summer is looking like um that's my fun challenge. How was your week?

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Well, that's really cool. First of all, that you have the opportunity to like teach and and do some of the like the you know, have that passionate stuff that you like to do. Uh so that's really cool. Um, and that's all summer.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Well, no, it's not, it's not all summer. I have two different engagements. Um, so one of them is in July. Um, but you know, I'm kind of hoping that it turns into something more. Like maybe the the single session will be to prove myself, and there may be other opportunities around the corner, and then I have another opportunity um next year, like next fall. So we shall see. Cool. Well, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Uh well, my week was just so freaking busy at work. I don't even, I can't even believe it's Friday. But um, I did have something I don't even know if it's exciting anymore. But I have been my ex-husband and I have been separated for 14 years, and our divorce papers came in the mail this week. Oh, finally, finally, finally. I was gonna break out into the song, but I forgot I can't sing. Um, so yeah, so uh, which was really kind of crazy that our date of separation was May 7th, 2012, and I opened the mailbox May 7th, 2026. Whoa. And uh yeah, so I I guess I'm like a free woman now.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Congratulations. Thanks. Thanks. Over a decade in the making.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

I know, right? Like the longest divorce. I think uh I think we were um we took our time, we thought about it to see if you know that's really what we wanted, and uh we decided after 14 years, yeah, it worked for us. So um, so yeah, so it was a little like it was great, but it was a little underwhelming because you know, when you first separate and you're like applying for your divorce and you're like, oh yeah, when this divorce is final, I'm gonna have a burn party and I'm gonna party and I'm gonna like burn this and burn that. Yeah. But we've become like friends over, you know, the last number of years, and you know, he's still family just in a different way. So it was a little underwhelming. I I watched um I made a little charcuterie board, poured myself a glass of wine, and watched Netflix. I'm like, I had the house to myself. That sounds lovely, honestly. Yeah, no, it was good. So uh, but yeah, that was a big week. 14 years in the making. Yeah, which kind of, you know, when we're when we talk about this episode today, too, we're kind of talking about, you know, reclaiming your space after after um a divorce or separation. And I mean, I know how I reclaimed, you know, some of my space like first. I mean, I hadn't talked to my ex in weeks. He wouldn't respond to me. And I found every time I opened the closet door and saw his clothes and could smell his cologne, like it just like sent me overboard emotionally. So I packed up his things and put those away. And then, you know, like most people do, they paint their walls and get new bedding and get new pictures. But I was wondering, like, for you, what because you guys were living in the same house when you separated.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Oh yes, yeah. And we we lived together for 11 months post-separation, which was not what either of us wanted. It was early pandemic days. Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

And I'm gonna I'm making the assumption that you didn't share the same room during the eleven months, did you? Uh well, no, not not the whole time, no. Right. Okay, yeah. So um when you were when you were going through that separation, like when you were still in the house, was there anything that you could do to have like your own space or reclaim a piece of the house that was just yours, or did you just have to suffer through it for the 11 months until you get your own place?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

That's a great question, actually. So um basically it's a bungalow. Neither of us live there now, thankfully. So pretty small. Um, what my ex did, which I thought was a kind move, is uh during the pandemic, of course, we both had to work from home. Um so he set up a office space in the basement, and then I was in kind of the corner of the living room. I had a small desk and computer there. So we kind of stayed apart during the day, but um it was awkward, it was not fun. It felt like we were kind of, you know, passing each other silently in the kitchen whenever we wanted snacks or meals, or we'd stagger our meals so that we weren't having them together. Um, and really, I think our only escape from each other during that time was going outside. So we'd wait until our daughter was asleep, and at that point she was only three. Yeah, just a hair over three years old. We would wait until she was asleep, and then it was kind of we were jockeying for position, who's the one who gets to go outside first? And I took up running during that time. So, and I would only run at night because I was busy with work and childcare, etc., like being a parent during the day. Um, but honestly, it was a lifesaver. So really m me claiming my space happened outside the home, not inside the home. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Yeah, well, I guess I mean that's what you could do. The only the only thing you could do during COVID. Yeah. Yeah. But I just like I just remember how like heavy like the whole house felt, right? Not just the bedroom. I mean, and I did reclaim the other side uh of my the bed. So when when uh I lived here alone, you know, I slept in on the right side of the bed, and then when he moved in, he's like, Oh, I can't sleep on that side of the bed because there that's or the other side of the bed because that's the side I slept when I was married, and there's like trauma there. And I was like, All right, I'll give you my side of the bed, which I did. And so for the first little while when he um after he left, I still stayed on my like the side of the bed I was sleeping on. So after I packed up his clothes, I was like, fuck this shit. I'm taking my like that's my side of the bed. I want it back, and uh and then starting to like slowly do those little things, like the energy starts to change in your house, and you know, packing. I mean, I also like I like to change things around anyway, and I'm a bit OCD and I don't know how to sit down. So on top of like the bedroom, I painted like the ensuite, and then I moved what was the TV room into the living room and swap that around. And yeah, just I like to make changes, and then we all know about the shed reclaiming that space. So I just like to change I like change. I'm a Gemini, and um, but it feels like the house is mine again, like it had again, it had been mine before he moved in, and you know, I opened it up to him and his kids, and um, and finally like uh like it feels like home again after all the changes and taking back what was once mine, even though there's still a chance I could lose it because we're still going through legal stuff, and he's trying to literally trying to take half of my house. Um, but uh but I will still continue to make it my space, and uh right now it feels safe.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Well, and for you listeners, um, I can attest that the space is very much Donna. It's beautifully decorated, you know, just uh little bit uh playful. Uh what what was it? Um the candle that we referenced in a previous episode. Here's my last fuck, look is on fire. You know, fun little touches like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

And little Oh, yes, right.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Don't fuck up the table coasters. Uh so so yeah, it it is very much you, and uh I think that's so important to get your space back. Also, I just have to comment that feels like an immediate weird power imbalance, him saying, like, oh, I need your side of the bed. Like, that's that's unfair. I know, and I went for it.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Again, those red flags, you just you you put away. Yeah. Um, I mean, he he is 6'4, and the bedroom, you know, I live in a Cape Cod, so it has like the dormer window. So he didn't bump his head, but there was like a chance he could have bumped his head. Uh-huh. But he really went on the trauma piece that that was the same side of the bed he slept on when he was married, and blah blah blah blah blah. And I'm just like, yeah, that's the same side I slept on when I was married, too. There's only two sides to the bed, so like not many options, yeah. And it's a different bed in a different house, and like what with a different woman, so uh excuse me, but yeah, uh definitely an imbalance there. So many things.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Yeah, and it must have felt so good to just spread out afterwards and be like, no, this is a hundred percent my bed.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Well, Nellie kind of took over the bed, so I didn't really get to like you know, um spread out, but uh, but even now that she's gone, I still I have a king-sized bed and I take up like an eighth of it. Just in this big bed by myself, my stuffed animal. Yes, I'm 55. I have a stuffed dog I sleep with and a blanket.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

No shame, no shame here. Yeah, my uh for her birthday, my daughter got um what literally says on the label a long cat. So it's just a stuffy that is a marmalade cat, but it's this long, skinny kind of tube. And I looked at him like that would make a really nice body pillow. Oh yeah. I kind of I kind of want to steal it. Of course, she won't let me, but she like sleeps with that thing and uh has it on the couch, uh, her arms wrapped around it. So uh so yeah, I'm I'm very, very tempted to like take that when she's not looking.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Was there anything? Yeah, that would be great, actually. Right, yeah, just to have that. Maybe you should say, maybe Kate, if you're listening, which you shouldn't be, but maybe a Mother's Day gift would be one of those long cats.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Ooh, that's a good idea. I like how to plant the seed, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Exactly. Um, what did you change, or did you change anything in your like sleeping pattern or like your sleeping habit? Like I now sleep with like it's actually my sister's stuffed dog. It's like a stuffed um golden lab. And uh it was in my sister's bed when we were cleaning out her room after she passed away. So I took that home and I've been sleeping with it ever since uh Debbie passed away. And now I have like one of Nelly's toys, and but I always like I now I sleep with a uh pillow behind my back, so it feels you have some support some support there instead of a body. Um but yeah, just like different things I do now that I didn't do when I was in a relationship. Did you change any patterns?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah, that's a good question. I I am definitely uh a right side of the bed sleeper and I ain't giving that up for no one. I am actually so you talked about being a little bit OCD. I am so weird that I will um I also with my new partner, I have to walk on the right side of someone. So I mention this to him and he he will always like course correct and go to my left hand side. I'm like, God, you're good. Because I think it's maybe the way I hold my purse. I don't want to be bashing someone in the leg with my purse, but I always in bed and just walking beside someone, I have to be on the right hand side. So that's that's my quirk. But um, yeah, I'm still on the right hand side, but I definitely like, especially when I first get into bed, I will starfish out and just take as much space up as humanly possible. And it feels so nice. And honestly, I kind of love not sharing a bed. It's uh because I, you know, hot flash central, I get overheated, and it is a beautiful thing to uh to just be able to uh throw the sheets off or do whatever you want to do. I hear the there are these like very expensive high-tech beds where you can have different like climates on different parts of the bed and and things like that, but I can't afford that business. So it's uh it's just nice to be there on my own. I don't think I have I don't think I have any extra pillows on the bed, but I mean I definitely now that my daughter's birthday has passed, I definitely need a long cat in my life.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yeah, that's so cool. I'm gonna have to check out those long cats. Um yeah, no, I think uh yeah, I love that um my house is very much me now. Yeah. Uh and I the funny thing is, I was never like a pink person. I like if you look in my closet, it's like black, white, gray, beige. But now there's like hints of pink, and I I don't know if it's like just reclaiming like the pink door, right? In the shed. But now, I mean, if you look around, there's like a pink Keurig, there's pink mugs. Uh Lexi and I just bought these like cute glasses from the house that are white with little pink bow ties, like little bows on them. We have pink dishes, like it's a good thing my son likes pink because I I think now we've gone like I mean the house isn't pink yet, but we have a lot of pink accessories. So but it's kind of fun.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and I think it's I think my in my case it's not pink, it's more like a cat motif because my daughter is obsessed with cats. So we have like um a cat pillow on the sofa, which is from IKEA, which she chose, and we just have like cat stickers in random places. But I mean, uh your your kids are old enough to not be interested in that kind of thing. I feel like my my place is adorned with all these little symbols of uh girl mom, you know, yeah. It's just there's just little things everywhere. But I kind of love that. Like, yes, it's a bit cluttered, but it's you know, I'd rather that than kind of a sterile kind of art gallery type home. It feels very cozy and lived in.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Yeah, no, that's sweet. I mean, if I let my kids do that, I don't know what we'd have. I think cats, Lexi would definitely have cats and Rowan, I don't know, Lego, gaming stuff. Yeah, it would definitely have a different vibe, but they own the basement. That's all theirs.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Oh, there you go. So that's their space. That's their space, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

The rest of it's mine. But all her friends love the shed. So when when Lexi has friends over, she's like, Can we use a shed tonight? And they come out here and they they love it. So it's kind of fun that um you know it's a uh another hangout space, not just for me, but for the kids too.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

And it's kind of nice too that I realize that you know your daughter's in her 20s, so she's very independent, but it's also kind of nice having them hang out close to home, right? Oh yeah, it's cool.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

I've like I'm really looking forward to this summer because Lexi's finally moved home, right? So um until she's you know, graduated from university and stuff. But I'm looking forward to having people around, like hanging out by the pool, having like life back in the house. Like you know, it's it's um last year was a really hard year for us, and uh with you know, so much so much loss, uh there wasn't a whole lot of life going on, but there is so much life and um so much like the energy and the vibe, and I I can't wait to see the girls and the guys. I mean, both of my yeah, well, Lexi has a boyfriend, Rowan has a girlfriend. Rivers coming home this summer with a friend for a few weeks. Yeah, so it'll be great to have everybody home and just have the house just a rocking. So um I'm super excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

And who knows, maybe uh your uh your unicorn might make an appearance. Who knows? Who knows? So, in terms of reclaiming space, we kind of uh we talked about physically reclaiming space, which I think is really important to the both of us. Um but how do you reclaim your space emotionally, would you say, since your most recent ex? Uh, you know, you've had um a little bit over a year, is that right? Like 14 months or so? Yeah. Yeah, 15 months, yeah. Yeah. And I and I feel like, you know, you seem so kind of strong and self-possessed now. What kind of steps did you take to reclaim your space emotionally?

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Oh, well, that was a a much longer journey than um than reclaiming the physical space for sure. But uh, you know, I think it was just we talked about last week with Nicole, like letting letting it go. Like, you know, I was fighting for closure and wanting closure and didn't get that. And I had to let that go. And really, it was just valuing myself, putting myself first and loving myself, and you know, having again, like I I know I talk about it almost every episode, but my support group, my friends, like I don't know where I would be without them, but they were just constantly like reassuring me and not reassuring me, reminding me who I was, who I am, and um and eventually like the the emotional connection that I had with my ex, it it just faded. Like, and I can honestly say 15 months after that relationship ended, uh, I have no emotional, like I don't miss him, I don't miss what we had because I I actually don't think it was real. I think that uh he was somebody he was portraying himself to be somebody he really wasn't, and so my emotional connection was with the person I thought he was rather than the person he actually is. So I think that really helped ground me and like reclaim and turn the noise off in my head, right? Because there was a lot of noise, a lot of self-doubt. Like, what did I do? What could I have done better? And then it was like one day it was just like, you know what? It wasn't it wasn't me, it was him, and I think we go back to probably the first podcast. Like the podcast has been um the platform really that has allowed me to reclaim that emotional, mental, um like safe space for me again.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Yeah, yeah, and that that's so great to hear. And honestly, it's I mean, I haven't been through this personally, but hearing your story, I think it's so much harder to emotionally process it when there is no closure, you know, where it's like this open loop in your brain, you don't have all the answers that you need to move on. That makes it a thousand times harder to actually, you know, safely get to the other side of it and cross that emotional chasm. But uh it makes me really happy to hear that, you know, you you've been able to kind of unpack that over time. And I mean, these kind of things, they take as long as they take. I think a year is is a very reasonable time to take for yourself to to process that. Um, and uh yeah, no, I just it like it makes me really happy to hear and um and hopeful, honestly. Um, yeah, because I mean it really when my marriage ended, it definitely took me the better part of two years to get over it um fully, you know, because it's you know, it it happens in phases and fits and starts, you know, it's I think it's um a certain kind of a grieving process, not not actual grief of a of a loss of a person, but a loss of a a life that you thought you would have with someone, right? Um, and kind of um a disappearance of the future plans that you thought that you had made with someone. So yeah, I mean it definitely took almost two years. And I think I kind of my emotional processing was I treated it as Like I became obsessed with relational dynamics. So by that I mean I got super nerdy and I listened to podcasts and I read articles and I read books. So it was almost like figuring out how to have a successful relationship was like a puzzle that I needed to solve. So I wanted to feel like I was in control during a time where I didn't feel emotionally in control. I'm like, I'm just gonna flood my brain with all of these data points and um read everything that I can to figure out, you know, where I went wrong, um, you know, what I should look out for, warning signs, red flags, all of that stuff. But I mean, honestly, every relationship is different and you have to just kind of take it as it comes. Uh, but uh yeah, that was my approach and therapy, obviously. Like therapy is amazing and definitely a saving grace.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Yeah, absolutely. And like, you know, it it has been a 15 months since that relationship ended. And, you know, do I still have like wounds? Yeah, absolutely. Like I I'm not I can't say I'm a hundred percent healed from the from the whole um relationship. I guess it's more about how it ended with, you know, not having uh that closure piece. But there was a moment when I realized what, you know, and again, I don't want to like make this a podcast uh and shit on people, but I I am going to um this one time. Uh really what a piece of shit he was, because my sister passed away and uh he was very close to my family, and even like my sister's daughter, he knew her prior to us even dating. And um I sent him her obituary and he said nothing back. Um not to me, not to my mom, who like thought of him as you know, this great son-in-law, not to my niece, and the other thing was that his family didn't send me or my family a condolence, a card, right? And I think that silence says so much about a person that I think that was kind of my turning point. Like there was a lot of anger, right? You go, it's all the different uh the stages of grief and it was anger, and now like all I feel towards him is I I actually like 100% hate him, and I and I know like that's not the type of person I am, but I think just the deceit and the coldness that uh he gave afterwards to the relationship, he actually doesn't deserve anything, any emotion. Um and so you know, hopefully one day when the healing is over or I've healed completely, the the hate for him that I have will um will be gone as well. And I I even I'm embarrassed to say that because again, I'm not somebody who like hates people, um, but I I just everything that he has put my family through. So I think that's why I'm over him. Absolutely 100% over him.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I remember you in previous episodes talking about how you know, after you got a little bit of distance and perspective uh on the relationship, that he was highly avoidant, right? And I mean, to honestly an insane degree, right? Because I mean, if you're gonna be so avoidant that you're not going to acknowledge the death of someone who was once important in your life, and you know, how that death affected other people that you once cared about deeply is pretty much beyond comprehension for me. Uh so psychopath?

SPEAKER_02 25:51

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Yeah, Jessica, like who even understands, right? Who can even crawl into that dark mind and understand? Uh, but uh, but yeah, so I mean there's speaking of therapy, there's someone who needs a lot of therapy, but um, but what did we say? Um, you know, I think we touched on in a previous episode that the people who have been affected by those who need therapy are the ones who seek therapy, not not the people who actually need it the most. Oh yeah, absolutely. So, right? So like you and I are uh are very much advocates of therapy um in our lives and on this podcast as well. And, you know, obviously we've talked to folks uh in that field on this podcast. But uh yeah, it's I think, you know, it's it's great that you're, you know, that it that chapter is largely behind you. I realize there are some loose ends that you're currently dealing with that are very stressful, and I really hope that ends for you soon so you can just fully move on. But um, yeah, I hope the hate fades for you too. But in a way it serves a purpose maybe where it's you can kind of mentally disconnect a little bit more and kind of be more objective about it, which is which is not a bad thing, right? Because you're looking at the facts in front of you, right? You're looking at what that pattern of behavior was and and how crazy it was.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it's it's um even some of my friends are like, oh, well, where does he live now? I'm like, I have no idea. And they're like, doesn't that bother you? I'm like, I actually don't care. Yeah, and I'm I'm surprised at myself. Like, I've never once, you know, done the crazy girl thing where or person thing. I'm not gonna crazy X where you like follow somebody or figure out where they where they're at. Like, I literally have no desire to know anything about his life. And that really surprised me because any other breakup I've ever had, I've been curious. Like, where are they, what are they doing now? What do they do? Like, are they dating somebody? Where are they living with him? I don't care one bit because I think that well, I don't know. I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist, anything. But for me, the the the lying and deceit and the betrayal, he's dead to me, other than he's trying to take half my house. And once that financial once that is closed, he will be non-existent to me. And um again, not the type of person I am, but i I think it's just uh a survival instinct that you know you go through something like this and you just have to pack it away and forget about it. Forget about it.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Forget about it. Yeah, and also I mean, as as we're in middle firmly in middle life right now, I think it's easier to let go of well, maybe easier is not the right word, but it makes sense more to let go of relationships that are toxic or that aren't serving you, and then to really appreciate, and I think we both appreciate the friends in our lives, the supporters, uh, the folks that we can really talk to and show up as our true selves and they'll be there for us. And I think we're both so lucky to have those folks in our life, but it stands in such stark contrast to um some of the relationships we've had, right? I mean, like my last relationship, I feel exactly the same way as you do about your last ex. Like it was three, it was only three years, but um, at one point he yelled at me until I cried. So he was, you know, um not physically abusive, but mentally and emotionally abusive towards the end. And I honestly, I just would be thrilled to just never run into him again. Like zero contact of any kind would be a dream. So, and so far that's been the case, knock on wood, it's been great. But yeah, would just be like perfectly lovely to just never see or interact with that human again.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

And I'm okay with that. Oh, yeah, no, I'm the same. Like, I like again, like the girls ask me, like, you know, have you run into him and what are you gonna do if you do? And I'm like, absolutely nothing. Like, I don't care. And they're like, Oh yeah, well, we do, and I'm like, you guys can do what you want. But I don't care, right? And I don't like seeing him again if I ran into him in public, I'm not gonna say like it wouldn't faze me. It might get my blood pressure up a little bit, or you know, like my anxiety level just because it's just normal, I think. But like I don't care, and I know that sounds so cold and callous, but I just don't care.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Yeah, right? No, that's good. I mean, I think it would be worse if if one of us wanted to stir up drama or create a scene, which neither of us want to do if we run into our ex. It's like, you know what? No, it's just disengage.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Yeah, yeah, it's over, yeah, right. But it is it is so strange for me to like have an ex that I don't have any kind of contact with, right? Especially eight years, and it was a very significant relationship. Yeah, you know, I had a boyfriend in my early 20s, and you know, we still have contact, and then my ex-husband and I, I mean, obviously we have kids together, so it does change the dynamic a little bit, but you know, he's great. Like there a tree fell down in my yard, and I asked him, I said, Hey, for Mother's Day, could you bring your chainsaw over and you and Rowan can clean up that tree for me? And he's like, Yeah, absolutely, we can do that, right? So, you know, we're still like family, just in a different dynamic. I love that. Yeah, and then like I dated a guy for three years, and and um, you know, we don't talk, he's remarried, and I was in a relationship, and uh my ex didn't really like me talking to him. His sister and I are friends on Facebook, and I saw that his mother recently passed away. So I did what any normal human being would do, and I sent him a text and said, I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's passing. We exchanged like just very short, like, thank you. He explained, like, you know, at least him and his wife were there with her, and that was it. Right? No, perfectly civil. Right. Yeah. But but that's what you do. Like when somebody was important to you at a time and somebody that they loved passed away, you acknowledge that, right? And uh and so I find this just like the weirdest thing in my life that they're like it I just can't even describe it because it it's just so like unreal.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Yeah, and when the legal chapter of it is officially closed, we're gonna have a big old party because then you really never have to think about that individual again, either um, you know, romantically, present tense, past tense, or legally. So I very much look forward to that day and we're gonna do it up.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Sounds good. We will party and we'll invite all of you to just follow us on Instagram and then all the details will be there.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

What have we missed uh in today's conversation? We've talked about moving furniture, we've talked about kind of shift in mindset, we've talked about, you know, emotionally reclaiming space as well. Um what about mentally? I feel like mentally reclaiming space is similar to emotionally. I think, I think my my move was actually to try to intellectualize and you know do research about relationships instead of really feeling my emotions in the beginning. And then of course therapy forced me to feel my emotions, which was really icky and I didn't want to.

unknown 33:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

But I think I I moved to I'm I'm a classic overthinker, anxious overthinker type. So I feel like my my move automatically was to intellectualize it, which honestly doesn't help really in the long run. You've got to sit with the feelings even if it's uncomfortable. Um is that was was that kind of similar or a divergent to your experience? It sounds like you like maybe leaned a little bit more on your friends and talked it out, which is much healthier, I think, than my move.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Well, I spend a lot of time alone as well because I'm a very logical person. I mean, I that's how I think like professionally and personally. So I just was trying to understand what happened. Like I was like, what the fuck happened? And I literally read every message that we had gone back and forth with. And then I printed it out, and then I gave it to my best friend and said, Who's a social worker who also was very much like, I mean, I bug her when I say, like, you always had his side. And she's like, I didn't have his side, but you know, she could see if I was being like unreasonable or maybe, you know, just whatever. And she read through everything, and she couldn't, she couldn't get it either. She couldn't grasp it. She's like, I don't, I don't understand.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

It's nice to have an outside perspective though, right? Because you can drive yourself crazy. Oh my god. Turning it over in your mind and not getting the answer that you need.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

Yeah, exactly. So, no, I did like a lot of journaling. I lot I read a lot of books on like holding space for people and you know, when there's issues in relationships and trying to figure out like just trying to figure it all out because that's how my brain works. And I had to like, I had to just kind of let it go and uh and stop trying to figure it out because I literally was driving myself crazy and my nervous system was like out of whack. And and so really like I think that was there is like reclaiming your physical space, but then kind of reclaiming your mental and emotional space. And that is really like the first step and taking yourself, like getting back to yourself, and um yeah, and I feel like other than like the last piece, the financial piece, I'll never be where I was. I'll never be the person I was before, but I'm at a a place of peace, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

It does, yeah, that's amazing, and and um aesthetically in a great place too because the shed looks amazing, so cozy. I always get so excited to come here for records, and also the the house looks beautiful too. So I mean it's it's really and truly yours, and uh it's important to feel at home.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Oh, yeah. Your home is your safe space, right? Yeah, um, and uh I feel very safe here. I mean, I do have like a shit ton of cameras around the property and on the house, so I I do look like a little crazy, but um Safety first.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Safety first. Well, thank you for joining us for today's episode. Um, let us know what your reflections are on past relationships that uh defined you and how you managed to find your way out of them and back to yourself. Uh, if you'd like to find out more about She Shed Unfiltered, definitely follow us on Instagram at She ShedUnfiltered, all one word. And uh you can listen to episodes drop every Tuesday on Spotify, Apple Music, and iHeartRadio. This has been She Shed Unfiltered, where midlife isn't polished, it's real. From divorce and career pivots to perimenopause and everything no one warns us about. These are the honest conversations we've lived, survived, and shared with you today. Until next time, stay brave, be curious, and keep it unfiltered.