She Shed Unfiltered
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From divorce and career pivots to perimenopause and everything no one warned us about, at She Shed Unfiltered we bring you the honest conversations we've lived and survived. Explore our podcasts, resources, and discussions designed to empower and inspire women through life’s changes. Together, we rise stronger, sharing our experiences and wisdom.
She Shed Unfiltered
Finding Yourself… Whatever the Hell That Means
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Apparently, at this stage of life, we're supposed to be “finding ourselves.”
But what if we're not actually lost?
Maybe we've just changed.
The kids grow up. Relationships end or evolve. The roles we've spent years playing start to shift. We're not needed in quite the same way anymore — and suddenly there’s space where there never used to be any.
So… who the hell are we now?
In this episode, Donna and Nicole get into the messy reality of figuring out who you are when life doesn't look the way it used to. Donna admits she's struggling with the whole idea of “finding herself,” while Nicole — as expected — takes things a little deeper.
They talk about identity, being needed, friendship, the little girls they used to be, and whether the parts of us that mattered back then might still be the parts that matter most now.
And because no She Shed conversation stays deep for too long, there’s also Gen X childhood trauma, Pepsi vs. Coke, going out after 9, Nicole's inner bitch… and Donna putting something in the wrong hole.
Maybe finding yourself isn't about becoming someone new.
Maybe it's about getting reacquainted with the woman who's been there all along.
Or maybe we still have no fucking idea.
Either way, we're talking about it.
🎙️ She Shed Unfiltered — Season 2, Episode 2
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Welcome to Sheep Shed Unfiltered. This is not a podcast for perfect women or polite conversations. This is for the women who've been divorced, dismissed, burnt out, betrayed, and still somehow manage to show up, get shit done, and keep everyone else still alive. There'll be laughter, there may be tears, and you might even say, did they really say that shit? Just real women, real stories, and the kind of honesty that usually happens after the second glass of wine. Welcome back to Shee Shed Unfiltered. Last season was about the things we learned the hard way. This season, it's more about, okay, now what? Because I don't think we're lost, but we've changed. Our kids are growing up, relationships change, life looks different, and maybe we start wondering, who are we now? And what do we actually want? Nicole's a little more philosophical than I am. I'm more, just tell me what the hell that means. We definitely don't have it all figured out. We're just two friends having honest conversations and trying to figure some of the shit out as we go. Welcome to season two. I'm Donna. I'm Nicole. We celebrated our first episode together. We sure did, Dunny. We had a lot of private DMs, each of us. Yeah. And quite a few comments.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we did. I I've had quite a few messages from friends and and family. Yeah. And we even had some fan mail. Well, apparently you told me it was the first fan mail the she shed ever got. It was. I didn't even know we could get fan mail. It's amazing. Yeah. I love that.
SPEAKER_03When we were talking about what do we want the season to look like and to be about, you know, a lot of different things came to mind.
SPEAKER_00They really did. And I think I think what stood out for me was how you said that this season's intention is about finding ourselves. And then I thought about, well, why don't we just start there? Maybe it's as simple as that. We we talk about that all of the time, finding ourselves, maybe breaking it down a little bit. What does actually f finding yourself mean? I know. You know, and sometimes these questions that exist in the river of spirituality, it's something that is best known when it's lived and felt. And sometimes it's hard to have a language to it. You know? And I think I think you can begin to answer that question uh in one way and maybe arrive in a different way. When I think about I was thinking about this coming episode and you know, what does finding yourself mean? And I think off mic we were talking about it and and I named, you know, there is I think that it's important to recognize that, you know, my practice, my lens, but I'm deeply aware that, you know, there's this thing called spirituality. And spirituality, you know, in this neck of the woods in our our culture is a billion-dollar industry. So I think it's important to be aware of who's asking that question of you know, that concept of finding yourself, because people can make a lot of money off of how we find ourselves and what that means. And then we're forever in that rat race of trying to arrive and get there. You know?
SPEAKER_03When you're trying to find yourself, so when you when I think of you know my own situation and last year was just about grieving, and this year, you know, is more healing, but also quote unquote finding myself. I'm not lost, I've changed. And just trying to be authentic to our audience, again, going back to you know, what you were just speaking about, I'm still struggling with season two, finding ourselves.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's fair. Uh when you were talking, I was just thinking, what if we replaced the word finding with discovering ourselves or learning ourselves? Or I think I think curiosity is in the room when when we're considering what it might mean to find ourselves, curiosity and compassion instead of control and judgment.
SPEAKER_03I read a lot, scroll a lot, and you know, it's like a lot of women our age in their 50s are feeling that way because we've been, you know, the daughter, the wife, the mom, and now we're separated, divorced. Our kids are young adults, they don't need us in the same way. You know, our parents, you know, we're both lucky we we both have both our parents still alive, so we haven't we haven't gone through that. And and I'll always be those people. I mean, not the wife. No more wife. I'm not a wife anymore. Um, but I'll always be a daughter, I'll always be a sister, I'll always be a mom. I never want to take those pieces of me away. But you know, I said to you earlier today, I was always like fundana, and I don't feel fun anymore.
SPEAKER_00I know. And I I said to you, I said to you, I think you are fundana. I think you're just redefining your relationship with what fun means to you. But I want to back up for a second because I I when I was listening to you talk about the roles that you play while I was still contemplating what it means to find yourself. And what if finding yourself is the process or the art to get aware and conscious of the roles you play and how they are meant to define who you are based on something outside of yourself, right? So when you're looking at yourself as a mother and you're looking at yourself as a daughter, and you're looking at yourself as a CEO, as a friend, all of the different roles that you play, that's how we think we know ourselves. And what if finding ourselves is not so much through the roles that we play, but who are we within each role? Because if you take away all of those roles, and the house and the dog and the cars and the husband and all of these other things, who am I if I'm standing completely just with myself? And so what if finding ourselves is is like knowing our essence? Like our values are non-negotiables, what's important to us, what matters to us, what lights us up, what agitates us, boundaries, a sense of a purpose, and those roles that we play are really meant to help us express our essence and live through that. You know, if we're a social service provider, if we're a mother, if we're a friend, if we're an artist, if we're a yoga teacher, if we're an energy medicine practitioner, my core values and my sense of purpose and my boundaries and what matters to me stays consistent in all of those roles. And then I find a sense of freedom and happiness, which are states of being, by the way. They're you know, they're they're not around 24 hours, seven days a week. And I find that through expressing those roles and not the role defining me who I am.
SPEAKER_03Right. And I I understand that, and I think a lot of us struggle with how we identify, like I mean, I know what my values are, and I though those are solid and consistent throughout everything in my life, right? Right trust, integrity, honesty, authenticity, kindness. I am that way as a a mom, I'm that way as a daughter, I'm that way as a a CEO, a friend. But when you strip all of that away and and you're just standing there, that's when I feel lost because I'm so used to being needed. Right? And whether that is something that society instilled in us or my mother instilled in uh in in me, but I'm standing there and you know, my my kids don't really need me anymore. It's just different. Like, who am I? Like when my partner left, like I was so used to taking care of him and providing he was good, like emotionally, like physically, all of that. And and he's away, my dog is gone, you know, my sister who I was really close to is gone. And it's like all these masks or all these roles are leaving me now, and I am really struggling with who am I? And and you know, I don't have hobbies, you know. My hobby is to like interior design. I love pot the podcast, I'm writing a book, like just things like that. But you know, I don't you want you ask me to go hiking? I don't know. I don't know if I'd want to go h I might, but it's not like let's go hiking or let's go to yoga or let's go to pickleball. Like th those aren't really things they're things to keep me busy, but they're not things that really fill my cup.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's fair. I think in what you've just described, I would say that a lot of our listeners can relate to those moments where you're a role that you're playing shifts, right? Once upon a time, you know, you're a mom who's got your kiddos literally under your wing. You're their social coordinator, you're their doctor, you're their nurse, you know, you're you're their timekeeper, you know, you're their chef, you're their chauffeur, all of those things. And then they grow and evolve and become more autonomous, and then all of a sudden you're an empty nester. Or they they just the relationship has changed with you. So your role has changed, and then therefore you're standing in this liminal space, right? Something that once was is no longer, and now something is not quite yet. And I think that I think it's just so normal and natural to be like, well, what do I do now if I'm not needed? Like, who am I if I'm not if I'm not being needed? And I think where the suffering might come in in that is perhaps maybe a little bit of societal conditioning that we're supposed to know, right? We're supposed to have something to fill the space, right? We're supposed to have something to lock in, something to master, something to climb, something to achieve. Like we're supposed to do that, right? The art of of being busy uh and engaged in something so that we can feel valuable and alive and well and purposeful. And that's okay. If that's what makes you tick, no judgment here. But what if that liminal space was such an opportunity to say, to come back, right? And say what still matters to me in this moment? Right. And I think for I I don't want to speak for you, but I think it's safe to say for the both of us at this phase in our life, the primary thing that is supporting that for us is uh female friendships. Right, right? Our sisterhood. Yeah, 100%. 100%. And so then, you know, in that in that space, like thank you to the women in my life that sit with me, stand before me, message me, speak to me, so that they're holding this container of space for me to remember not only who I am, but now in that liminal space, I'm going to evolve. Right. In my village with the right resources at the right time, I will evolve. Right. And then I can check in. Do my core values, are they still integrity? Are they still compassion? Are they still authenticity, collaboration, connection, all of those things? And then I get to consciously choose how I want to cultivate that and engage with it, right? Like my life, even five or six months ago, does not look the same. Like I was teaching yoga for 13 years in in the same community. And when I started having challenges in my marriage, I took a break and I didn't go back. Yeah. Right. I was a Reiki master teacher with an active home practice and lots of trainings. I would do four to six trainings a year. I don't do that anymore.
SPEAKER_03And how do you feel about not doing that? I mean, that's your choice. You're you're you're making a uh conscious decision not to be doing that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, at first it was an act of self-care, but at the same time I knew my relationship with it was changing. And and there there is, it's okay, like more than one thing can exist at the same time. Right. You can feel really scared and confused. Who am I if I'm not doing this? Am I doing my life's purpose? I'm supposed to be serving humanity. What do I do now? And then there is like a depression that I felt because I wasn't in that river anymore. I wasn't active in that. I wasn't um getting fulfilled and and I was lonely in it. I was insecure. I was comparing myself to other people that had they were slinging workshops left, right, and center, teaching classes regularly. I had fear of missing out. I felt the disconnect. And at the same time, I knew it was the right thing for me in that moment. And there was a higher part of me in my higher self that understood that I was being called to serve in some other way. Right. And I always wanted to use my voice and be more forward-facing. It used to terrify me to do that. And here I am sitting in the she shed with one of the most daring women in my life, having a chat. Just having a chat with our bubbles. Right? So maybe this is me, air quote, finding myself, just having an experience with different aspects of myself.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I can so relate to that because this like the podcast was all new to me. And even though in my professional life, you know, being on stage, being using my voice to advocate for the cause that I work for, I was fine. But personally, I'm like, I'm an introvert extrovert. I'm an extrovert for work. I feel like I'm an introvert personally. So to start this podcast was way outside my comfort zone. Learning to use my voice to help me is you know what this podcast. Yeah. Even if even if there's only one listener.
SPEAKER_00Thanks, Mom! Yeah, thanks, Mom.
SPEAKER_03But uh, yeah, I can totally relate to that.
SPEAKER_00So, Donna, I remember reading something somewhere. I can't cite the source because my perimenopausal brain will not allow me to recall it. But it was along the lines of finding ourselves or knowing ourselves or who are we. It's this concept of essence, energetic, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical imprint that gets expressed through the roles we play, the company we keep, the choices we make. But it's like, where does that come from? And I think about little Nicole and little Donna, right? Like, who were we before we were told who to be or how to be or what to be? I I kind of picture it as like we arrive on on Earth and this little Polaroid picture gets taken of this energetic imprint of our essence. Um, that's that's deep, I know. Donna, Donna's looking at me terrified. What the hell is she gonna ask me? But can you share a little bit about little Donna? Like who was she? What was she like? What did she love? What did she do? What did she dream of?
SPEAKER_02Hmm.
SPEAKER_03Wow. Um, little Donna. I think when I think back of like little Donna, probably I mean, I was so close to my mom, and I don't I mean like connected, like hanging off of her leg. I just didn't want to not be around my mom. And I think back maybe it was because my parents divorced when I was three, and you know, my dad left, so maybe I just didn't want my mom to leave. But the one thing that I can really kind of think back to is like the the theme of my childhood was wanting connection. So I have two older sisters, one's five years older and the other is 13 years older, and I always and they were like they hung out, especially in their teen years, and I always wanted to be hanging out with them, but I was always the little brat. And I don't remember like when I was younger, like elementary school. I think I just existed, wasn't the smartest, I wasn't the prettiest, I I wasn't, I wasn't anything, I was just there, and I always ha wanted that connection and protecting, like protecting my mom and and stuff. So I think that is the essence. Like I connection's really important to me. And I I want not only to be connected to people, but I love connecting people, and I love taking care of people, and you know, my love language is taking care of people, making sure they feel safe, making sure they feel heard. I think that stems from like childhood.
SPEAKER_00Girl, that's your essence. See, it never leaves, it just evolves with the deeper sense of experiences and the roles we play. And I think that peace and alignment and freedom is when you're able to truly express it through those roles. And we know, we know when something doesn't feel right and it feels off and or it feels tired, or it's had its time, or it's just not filling our cup anymore. Yeah. We know, right? And then the role becomes a mask that we wear and that we're performing just to make it work, right? We can shape shift, yeah, build the bridge a little further just to see, just to see, just to see. That's okay too. I think that's being human, right? But I think the art of finding ourselves is really maybe that. Getting curious about what a powerful question to ask. I mean, it's not always going to be a comfortable one for people to be asked who was little so-and-so, right? Not everybody um may feel healthy or safe going back and looking at that. What about you? Yeah, little Nick. Oh, little Nicole. Let me tell you, I truly remember this. And I was, I think people would probably describe me as naive. I remember I was just this big mushball of love. I cared a lot about people. I was a leader that even in elementary school, like getting people together and signing cards for people's birthdays and uh the teacher and all of those things, I was very curious. I had uh always uh an active imagination. I spent a lot of time by myself, but I I did a lot of like little role-playing as a teacher and a mama and all this other stuff. I was also, I think, what I would probably be called as a daredevil. Um, my youngest son is like that, always was, um, barefoot and wild. Um, I remember You're still like that. I still am. But uh, you know, I think I think it was that I trusted my body before I understood that one day I may not. So if I wanted to do something, if I wanted to lay belly down on a skateboard without a helmet and go down um the deepest hill in Fairview headfirst, I did it. I remember being at the IWK for like the 12th time, no word of a lie, in about a three-month period. And then nurse pulled me in the washroom and was like, is everything okay at home? And I'm looking at her like, yeah, it's it's fine. Um, but just because I was so I was injured, right? Like broken arms, stitches, concussions, broken ankles. Because I mean, I remember uh, you know, kids would go in and get my mom, Sharon, Nicole's up in the tree again with like literally two casts on my arms. I was just Oh my god, I can picture your mother just like totally if I, you know, and and mom didn't drive, right? And we're Gen X. So if we got injured, our parents were were pissed. They were upset. With us. Oh yeah. They were like, for fuck's sakes, Nicole. Sorry. Sorry to interrupt your bingo night because my arm's broken. Sorry about that.
SPEAKER_03Sorry. Sorry about interrupting days of our lives. Yeah. Oh my God. Gen X. Gen X. Shit we've lived through.
SPEAKER_00The shit we've lived through. But we were talking off mic earlier, and I was saying to Donna, you know, all of a sudden the surge of Gen X influencers and memes has really brought a level of comfort and ease to the way I grew up because it wasn't just me. Everybody else had a key at age six cooking. Right. And alone, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. When you think about that, like I was seven coming home by myself.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03Making like cooking on the stove. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we really weren't alone because I mean I remember living in an apartment building and everybody looked out for everybody's kids.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's true. I did a neighborhood of like 10 houses all around each other, and we just ran in at each other.
SPEAKER_00For a long time I had a story about my childhood, and then I drove through my childhood neighborhood. Shout out to Fairview. And I was like, I loved my childhood. I loved it. There were so many people all of the time. You were never bored. I was always outside. It was great.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I feel the same way. We we actually had this conversation off Mike about how great it was. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. Only a little trauma.
SPEAKER_03We're all in it together. All us jet. We're all in it together. Yeah. All right, Nick. Let's uh let's bring this back to a bit of a lighter side.
SPEAKER_02Um I'm literal topical.
SPEAKER_03I'm a palataire. Okay. All right. And I just want everyone to know right now, uh, on our uh social media post, Pepsi's winning.
SPEAKER_00Whatever. Because you voted like in different identities.
SPEAKER_03I did not. You didn't identity. It's my own I I am Donna. I am not the she-shut. I am just in the she-shat. You can vote too.
SPEAKER_00I did. I did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, look on Facebook. Who's winning? Just want to say it. All right. I don't want to punch her in the face right now. So we're we're gonna lighten it up and uh do you want to do a little rapid fire?
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_03Alright. Camping?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_03High heels?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_03Yoga.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Cooking?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03Hosting people at your house?
SPEAKER_00Depends on who it is and what time of day it is.
SPEAKER_03Girls trip?
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_03Dating apps?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_03Small talk?
SPEAKER_00Oh my fuck no.
SPEAKER_03Going to weddings?
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_03Being busy?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_03Going out after 9 p.m.
SPEAKER_00That's another fuck no.
SPEAKER_03People dropping by unannounced?
SPEAKER_00No. But yeah, sure. Okay, can I ask you? Yeah, sure. Same questions? Okay. Okay. Camping? Hell no. That's my girl. High heels?
SPEAKER_03Uh, when my knees feel okay. Yoga? Uh. Come on. Uh maybe. Cooking? As long as it's not like a duty. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Hosting people at your house?
SPEAKER_03Yes, that's what I love.
SPEAKER_00That's one of your love languages. Girls' trips?
SPEAKER_03Love girls' trips.
SPEAKER_00Dating apps?
SPEAKER_03Fuck, fuck, fuck, no.
SPEAKER_00Need some time to think about it. Uh small talk?
SPEAKER_03Uh no.
SPEAKER_00Going to weddings?
SPEAKER_03Uh. Sure.
SPEAKER_00Being busy?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I never know how to sit down.
SPEAKER_00Going out after nine?
SPEAKER_03Never.
SPEAKER_00People dropping by unannounced?
SPEAKER_03Just the people I love.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Aw. Dunny.
SPEAKER_03Other than that, all the lights are out and I'm crawling out. Yeah. Except for all my friends know the code to get in, so. As a 50 plus woman, what are you too old for?
SPEAKER_0050 plus.
SPEAKER_03I'm just 50. You're all in less than a month.
SPEAKER_00October 18th, people.
SPEAKER_03She likes chocolate. Back rubs. Okay, back to this. Or what are you too old to pretend to like?
SPEAKER_00I am too old to pretend to like living according to other people's expectations. I'm also too old to be playing emotional detective.
SPEAKER_03Oh hell yes.
SPEAKER_00You know, the people that like air quote shoot from the hip, my kind of people. Give me the what you see, what you getters all day long.
SPEAKER_03I'm like that too, like small talk, especially like texting, right?
SPEAKER_00Give the guy a chance.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but it if it's the same thing all the time, right? Like, come on! Every day, the same fucking text.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Especially in the age of, you know, assisted prompts. Right, right.
SPEAKER_03I'm a Gemini. Do you know how my personalities sit inside this?
SPEAKER_00No, Donna, I have no clue.
SPEAKER_03You gotta keep it entertaining for me. 3,563,000.
SPEAKER_00And counting. Send help. Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh my. Huge subject, finding yourself. What does it mean? But you know, after our chit chat here, in summary, maybe finding ourselves isn't so much about becoming something as it is coming home to something, right? Like that little girl, that that solid core essence that never changes, only gets a chance to evolve through lived experiences that you know really teach you what matters.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then you can consciously step into roles, relationships, experiences that really touch on that and allow that to come forward with curiosity and compassion. Because we are complex human beings. And I actually love my little inner bitch, right? She played a role. She had to fight pretty hard at one point in time. So she gets a place. Oh yeah. She gets a place, right? She doesn't get to be real reckless and hurtful, but she's a part of me. So if I deny her, I deny my whole. Do not deny her. My whole self. Clarity. Yeah. Just you know, just before off mic, we it took Donna three days to get us set up because she had the mic um set up wrong. I was like, what was the problem? She said, I had it in the wrong hole. I said, write a passage, buddy. Yeah. Welcome home. Before we close the door on the she shed today, we want to leave you with one question. What are you taking out of the shed with you this week? Maybe it's an aha moment. Something that made you stop and think, I've lived that. I've been there. Maybe it's a new perspective you hadn't considered before. Or maybe it's a thought or a simple truth that stayed with you long after the conversation ends. Whatever it is, let it inspire you. And then come tell us about it. Find us on Facebook and Instagram at She Shed Unfiltered. And share what you're taking out of the shed this week. Because when we share what resonates with us, we never know who else might need to hear it. And next week, we'll open the door again and share some of your thoughts, reflections, and takeaways with our community. So until then, take what speaks to you, leave what no longer serves you, and carry the conversation with you wherever you go. This is She Shed Unfiltered. The door is always open.