The Legacy & Wealth Podcast

The Tech Expert: Why Successful Men Are The Most Isolated

• Mitchel Clark — The Standard • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Join The Standard here: Thestandardmen.com

Jay Davis is a technology consultant, real estate investor, and men's leader based in Atlanta. He specializes in technology infrastructure, cloud migrations, and mergers and acquisitions, helping organizations navigate complex business transitions. Beyond his professional career, Jay serves as a liaison within The Standard and leads men's ministry efforts at his church, where he mentors and develops men in leadership, faith, family, and personal growth.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How mentorship changed the trajectory of Jay's life and career
• Building a successful career in technology without a traditional path
• The importance of accountability, ownership, and reputation in business
• Why high-performing men often struggle with isolation
• The role of faith, vulnerability, and emotional intelligence in leadership
• Balancing career ambition with family responsibilities
• Lessons on raising children and building strong relationships
• What true wealth and legacy actually mean

About the Podcast

The Legacy & Wealth Podcast, hosted by Mitchell Clark and presented by The Standard, features conversations with entrepreneurs, executives, investors, and high-performing men who are building wealth, leadership, and legacy. Each episode explores the principles, decisions, and experiences that help successful men create impact in business, family, and life.

Timestamps

00:00 What true wealth really means
00:53 Introduction to Jay Davis
01:39 Building a career in technology and real estate
02:12 Growing up in Atlanta and early life challenges
02:44 Leaving college after his mother's stroke
03:10 The mentor who changed everything
04:34 Three years of learning technology and discipline
08:14 Landing his first opportunity in tech
09:44 Building business through referrals and networking
12:15 Accountability, ownership, and handling mistakes
15:00 Why no one succeeds alone
15:36 Inside technology mergers and acquisitions
20:05 Why small businesses are often underserved
27:58 How Jay mentors the next generation
30:30 Finding brotherhood through The Standard
34:11 Building stronger men across the five pillars
36:18 Leading men's ministry and discipleship
42:17 Why men struggle with vulnerability
45:59 Faith, leadership, and leading by example
47:14 Family, fatherhood, and raising three daughters
48:09 The myth of work-life balance
50:49 Emotional intelligence and unresolved childhood patterns
54:39 Repairing relationships through accountability
58:30 Building trust and communication with your children
01:00:43 Helping children navigate pressure and expectations
01:02:20 Defining legacy and living with purpose
01:04:04 Why wealth is about more than money
01:05:00 How to connect with Jay Davis

About The Standard

The Standard is a private, in-person membership community for six-figure men who want to grow in their wealth, health, and relationships by surrounding themselves with other high-performing men operating at their level or above. It is designed for men who have outgrown their current environment and need a structured system of proximity, personalized strategy, and accountability to continue growing across every area of life.

Learn more: https://thestandardmen.com

SPEAKER_01

Money is great, but that's not the only thing that defines wealth. You're wealthy when you have your health. You're wealthy when you're physically at your best. Yeah. And not just be, I'm great in one or two areas, but I'm horrible in all the others. Get to a point where you do kind of start to feel along. I work with a lot of guys that are really great in what they do in a profession, but are they striving in other areas? How do you define legacy and what what kind of life are you trying to lead on? Jay was a man who followed purpose. I want to make sure that the legacy that I lead is one that my family and the men that I was around can be proud of. That they learned from. That pointed them back to their purpose. That's legacy. Importance is not focusing on the failure, but what did we do after we got up? There's no not getting up. It's what did we do?

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the Legacy and Wealth Podcast, a show for proven high-earning men who value character, wealth, and a lasting legacy. Brought to you by The Standard, a private membership community for high performers. My name is Mitchell Clark, and today I'm joined by fellow Standard member Jay Davis. Hey, what's going on, Mitchell? Glad to have to be here. Indeed. How was the flight in from Atlanta? Did you come in yesterday or was it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I was in yesterday. Okay. The flight was good. Quick two hours. You know, Dallas is like a second home, so it's good to be back.

SPEAKER_00

Well, good to see you here. And I also know that you've been with the standard for a good amount of time, too. So I'm interested in getting into that and your background and everything else. But let's start off with the main question. How do you currently make money?

SPEAKER_01

I work in tech and real estate. Specifically in the tech space, I help customers take their uh technology from one center and move it to the next, mostly to the cloud. Mostly to the cloud. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So let's go into a little bit of a background. Well, you said also real estate. What do you do in that?

SPEAKER_01

So I'm a buy and hold investor and I also do uh Airbnb arbitrage on the side.

SPEAKER_00

So we've had a few uh real estate people on here before talking about this. Is one topic we haven't really gone much into, so I see some questions on that. But before we get into that, let's go through a little bit of a background. Let's let's quickly go through kind of your upbringing and what got you into the world of tech.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so um born in Ohio, but I can officially say that I was raised in Atlanta. I've been in Atlanta for 39 years. Um uh was in school in Atlanta for a little while, and then we moved out to a place called Douglasville, so west of Atlanta, so kind of a country, country town. Um, how did I get into tech? I've always been tinkering around with computers my whole life, really. Um it's kind of a funny story. So I was in school to do technology, uh, but I dropped out. My mom had a stroke uh while I was in school, so I had to stop going to school to go take care of her. So I ended up selling cars at this place called CarMax.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um and and long story short, I met a guy. Uh CarMax was big on we'll buy a car from you, whether you buy one from us or not. Right. He was buying these trucks, pickup trucks, and coming back every couple months and flipping them. So, you know, I was his guy, you know, I was the guy that I was helping, and uh he I had to ask him, I was like, bro, what do you do? Like how why why are you coming and and and just flipping these trucks? He's like, Oh, you know, I do real estate, but I I I work in tech. Okay. And I was like, man, well, how would I how do I get how do I start doing what you're doing? And he's like, Yeah, man, you're not ready. So then he leaves. Just straight up dropping. He's like, you're not ready. Then comes back a couple months later and he's like, I ask him again, I'm like, bro, how do I, how do I get into this? And he's like, All right, look, come to my house around this time, don't ask any questions, just show up, and we'll see if we'll see what you're made of.

SPEAKER_00

Come to the house, don't ask any questions.

SPEAKER_01

Bro, so I pull up to this mansion, okay? Remember it clear as day. I pull up to this mansion, I come up to the front door, the gate's open, and uh he opens the door, he's like, not here, go around back. So he makes me walk around back down the down this long driveway down to the basement. And so I go in and he has these, and my tech guys will know what I'm talking about, but he has these big computers, they're called servers, DL380 servers. He drops three of them on the table, and he's and he has these two big books, they're about this thick. He's like, okay, so every Sunday we're gonna go through this. He was like, I want you to start reading these books and start tinkering with these. Don't ask me any stupid questions. We'll see what you're made of. And that started a three-year path into technology.

SPEAKER_00

So how long did you do that with him? Three years. For three years. Yeah. Well, well, I guess I guess what I mean is was it just that same pattern every for every day? Or did it eventually evolve beyond just Sunday to like a bit more? Like, did his tone ever change with you during those three years? He's like my second dad. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Now, right? But um what ended up happening actually was I actually started working with him after that. So he had he helped me get my first job in DC. Okay. So I left Atlanta and and moved to DC, um, Alexandria, Virginia. Okay. And I was out there for a year working uh for the government for a while.

SPEAKER_00

So Okay. Um let's go back a little bit, because you said your mom had a stroke, which interesting enough, that led to this, which led to this and all that. Were you in school for computer science? Okay. I was how long were you in there for? About a year and a half. Okay. Yeah. So let's talk about that for a little bit. Because I know for a lot of the people um within the stand and everything else, there's usually like funny enough, like a moment like that where you're going through something really, really tough and then like an opportunity comes before you. So when your mom had the show, what was going on through your mind at the time? You had to drop out of school, which I'm sure is not a fun ordeal.

SPEAKER_01

Man, I was just really concerned. Yeah. You know what I mean? I um I had never really dealt with anything like that before, right? Um, my brother, my kid brother was still in school, and um it was it was a tough time, right? It was a tough time because um really close with my mom and uh just kind of to be that young because I was 19 at the time, yeah. Um it just kind of have a reminder of morality, even at that age, right? Um it was pretty tough, man. So was your dad in the picture? He was, yeah. My dad was there. Um great man. You know, he stopped, he actually stopped driving trucks, he was a truck driver. Okay, and he would go across the road, so he quit to come and help be home with her too. Um so it was rough, man. Had to had to find find some ways to make money.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So were you and did you all live in the same area then in Atlanta? Okay. You went there and did that. Um how's she doing now? Oh, she's she's great now.

SPEAKER_01

A lot better. She she's um man, she's like what, 68 now? Okay. But uh yeah, got all of her faculties. She wasn't um terribly impacted by the stroke, but she's good enough.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So you stopped, you went to go take care of her. From your perspective, did you feel so there's concern? Was there any sort of, I guess, like I don't say ill will, but like any resentment like for having to drop out of school and do all that, or did you take that just pretty good on chest, like this is what needs to be done? Yeah, it was what it was.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't I didn't feel any ill will or anything like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. All right, well, we're gonna go back on track with this guy with the mansion and servers and background. Well, let's let's talk about that those three years because I'm super curious on what he went over with you in those years. So it's not like really formative years, but what what did he make you do besides just read books and tinker with all that stuff? Like how did that how'd that process evolve into bringing you more under his wing? So it was more of a way of thinking.

SPEAKER_01

Um thinking, you know, really teaching me to kind of think outside of the box, right? Um he was a really militant guy, you know. So he's like, Man, you know, you gotta, you know, um I'll take you under my wing, but I if I put my name out there for you, I need to make sure that you're solid. So I'm gonna teach you the way that I learned, right? And he was ironically enough, he was a single dad. Single dad had three girls he was raising. So he had kind of gone through the ropes um and kind of taught himself, and that's what he wanted me to do. Right.

SPEAKER_00

So that's why he was so hard, and he's like, hey, I learned the hard way, and you will too.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Either you're gonna learn or you're not. And he made it really clear.

SPEAKER_00

He was like, look, either you're gonna do it or you aren't. So we'll see which one, which path you choose. Well, so he set you up in Washington, D.C. working for the government. Despite describe how that went. Was that a full W-2 job or was that? That was contract. That was contract.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, because that was the other thing he taught me about contract, styles, and things of that nature. But he was actually already working there through his own consulting company. Okay. And uh he was good buddies with um the manager that would be my manager at the team uh when I got there. So he didn't get me the job. He was just like, hey, I got a guy, he's smart, I can vouch for him, give him a shot. Okay. So I had to do the interview, uh, I went through three rounds of interviews, got the job. All right.

SPEAKER_00

So then I was off to off to DC. Well, it sounds like so from your point of view, so you have like your own thing that you're doing, you have multiple different contracts with different companies that you're working with. So this sounds like this started kind of, you know, you developing your own business. I view 1099 work, even though you're working for someone else's somewhat kind of working under your own business in that sense. So since you know he got that foot in the door, how what kind of clientele do you normally work with on a day-to-day basis? Like what is your business basically consisting of right now?

SPEAKER_01

Aaron Powell Sure. So it's like uh law firms, like um I've got a nursing agency that I I work with right now. Okay. Um so typically in that in that space. Okay. How do you typically get clients? Well, word of mouth, one, and then also uh just hitting the ground, man, driving for business. And I say driving for business, but going online. I've got lead magics that I use, that type of thing.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. What do you think has worked best for you going out and doing them in person? So I'm in medical device sales. Oh, nice. I have I have I have experience on uh picking up the phone calling, emails, and just going there in person. So I'm always curious how other people get their business and what works best for them. But what has words well, word of mouth?

SPEAKER_01

Word of mouth. And and one of the things in Atlanta that I've started to do more of is really make sure that I'm going to certain networking events, right? Especially in the tech space. Yeah. There's a tech event going on in Atlanta every other weekend, right? And we've got some buddies of mine that are actually in the standard that are in tech. So kind of getting with them and being introduced to new people. Because sometimes I'm a big believer, it's not what you know is who you know.

SPEAKER_00

And uh yeah, that's that's how we do things. The networking, do you find more success in the networking events, going on-site or emails or phone calls? Is it a mixture of all? Does do certain things work better under different contexts or what do you mean by that? Like like is there is there a certain way that works better for a certain type of clientele than others? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so so for specifically if you're talking about like law firms, right? They're they're very much a a business around, hey, you worked with this guy, how is he? You know what I mean? Sure, sure. Because even though they're competing law firms, they're still all within the same conglomerate, all within the same identity.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, smaller area. No, I it the same deal with me. I've I've found in my current company, because I work in sleep diagnostics, which is a very small space. Okay. And so like referral and word of mouth and like warm leads by someone else recommend you is always like like the hottest leads I want to get. So I've gotten some success by cold calling and whatnot, but yeah. Uh because it sounds like when you started, like you had you had a good opportunity where someone's able to vouch for you to get your foot in the door. How important to you was like your reputation in this industry?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, it's it's critical. Okay. You know, it's critical. You you you do what you say. You know, I think that um as a as a man, I think that's really important. Um doing what you're saying you're gonna do. And um that's everything, man.

SPEAKER_00

How did you build that? Like, what were some lessons you learned in that first job, and what did you start, how did you start applying that moving forward?

SPEAKER_01

I think the biggest lesson that I learned was accountability and ownership. I think that in that role, even though I knew what I knew, there was still so much that I I didn't know, right? And there were mistakes that I made. And being able to not only learn from that, um but build off of them, own up to them, like, hey, listen, you know, this this change, we made this change, and you know, because in tech, um when people make mistakes, it's not like very rarely is it something where it's like, oh, I shouldn't have done that, right? Most of the time it's hey, we tested this, it worked in in uh what we call SI or div or dev, we moved it to production, didn't work. Didn't work. You know, so um making sure that I'm very thorough in the testing process, making sure that I cross my T's and dot my I's right. Um and if there is something that I missed or was missing the testing, we bring it to light. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So it doesn't happen again. When those things do happen um and you're bringing it to the customers, well, how do you normally manage whenever you've made a quote unquote mistake and you need to kind of go back to the to the drawing table?

SPEAKER_01

We call that lessons learned uh root cause analysis, right? So the first thing is, hey, whatever the issue was, we fix it, we correct it, make sure we get back online, take care of all of that. Then, not usually the same night, but probably a couple days later, we'll do what's called a root cause analysis. Hey, what happened? Where was the breakdown? Why did we get here? How do we make sure we don't do it again?

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So basically, whenever you do make sort of that sort of error with a customer, in order to maintain your integrity, you just you're basically honest. Like we can just go into the weed zone, exactly what happened. That way you feel like I messed up, but I know exactly why, and that's not gonna happen again. Exactly. Yeah. So I think for a lot of people that are building their own business, right? They're like, you're not gonna do everything perfectly the first time. So I think one thing a lot of people um are trying to learn is like how you know, if I onboard my first customer, there's gonna be some mistakes. Like I'm I'm starting something with someone new. So when I'm onboarding people for the first time, there's gonna be mistakes and people figuring out how do I maintain my integrity and reputation even though I'm still just figuring it out. I don't know. You got any words of advice for people like that?

SPEAKER_01

I just say that um be kind to yourself. I think that a lot of times, and it's not just tech, I think in a lot of industries, we're a lot harder on ourselves than than we should be. Um nobody's perfect, and if you lead with honesty, um you'll go far. And also another thing that I would recommend is lean on your network, lean on people. A lot of times we can get into a scenario where we feel like we have to do everything on our own, like we want to make the name for ourselves. When when the reality is, man, nobody gets where they are by themselves. It's always someone that's been there to help or assist in some way.

SPEAKER_00

I agree with you there. You know. Um let's get a little bit into like what your actual day-to-day looks like. If you can, I know you can't name drop any names, but describe a project that you've been involved in recently and kind of what your process is of moving through that project to completion.

SPEAKER_01

Sure. So uh it was two companies that it was a merger and acquisition. Um and essentially what it is is my day-to-day is a bunch of meetings. So um if we're beginning this project, we're style signed, everything's good, um, we're having meetings to talk about discovery. Okay, so we're starting with the source company, the company that's being absorbed. Okay. What does that look like? Right? What's your what's your and I'll get into some terms, but not too technical, but what does your identity look like? So how are your users accessing whatever technology or workloads we're going to be moving, right? That's important. I have to know that. How what's that structure look like? What's that architecture look like? So it's a lot of conversation with the engineers and developers that are on that side, so I understand what we're moving, how much data we're moving, uh, before I get to where we're moving it to. So that's usually the first couple weeks, is just that discovery process. Right. You usually start with the company being absorbed first. Okay. Correct. Why, why, why then first? Well, so so one, well, one, they're the source. So I need to understand what I'm moving. Okay. And then what happens in those meetings is a lot of times in those mergers and acquisitions, you've got representation from both companies that are on the call, right? Um so the the target company or where we're moving the data, they can kind of speak into okay, well, we're gonna have to account for that, that type of thing, right? Because a lot of times in those discovery calls, they're learning things too. So that's why we start with them first. And then once we have all of that data, now we can start to focus on the target. Like, okay, because they've already got an existing solution, they've already got users that are authenticating and using data there. So we have to make sure that we bring in this new business without interrupting the current business workflow that they have going on.

SPEAKER_00

That's why we start with the source first. Well, you're describing kind of this managing of relationship between the absorbed the one getting absorbed and the one doing the acquiring. Um do you ever find yourself playing uh business therapists with these companies?

SPEAKER_01

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_01

But I try not to I try not to pry into that too much. I try to keep it focused. I call it uh, you know, you know, don't let the rabbit yeah yeah control the rabbit. Control the rabbit. Control the rabbit. Yeah, look. Y'all, if y'all have personal things that y'all need to work out, let's do that outside of what we're doing.

SPEAKER_00

So well, and so I think with a lot of people, like for me personally, I'm I'm very one-on-one. Like I'm dealing with one client, you know, one person at a time. It's a very one-on-one relationship. Whereas yours seems more of a triangular relationship just by its nature. Yeah. How what are some tips you would have for handling that?

SPEAKER_01

Time management. Okay. I mean, because like I said, you're in a lot of meetings. Um and uh and sometimes you're in in meetings being asked about the status of work that you could be doing, but you can't do it because you're in the meeting. So making sure that you stay on top of your time is is critical. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What are some of the I guess choke points or areas that can trip you up if you're not managing that carefully?

SPEAKER_01

Um having a plan, having a documented strategy on how you're gonna get from point A to point B and making sure you stick to it. You know, this is one of those things where um monotony is key, right? We want to make, even though the businesses are different, the process is the same. I should be asking the same questions, I should be going through the same process. If you skip something, that's how you end up getting jacked up in the in the in the long run.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that makes sense. Well, and I know we were talking a little bit earlier about like some of these clients you do have, you know, there's you have like the Deloitte's and the EYs going after, like I was just reading about I think United Airlines is trying to acquire American or something like that. Yeah. Um, but your your niche market seems to be small, medium business, yeah. Why um is there a reason you went into that? Because I think for a lot of people, when they're starting on like who's my ideal customer profile, there's a lot of areas you could go to and there can be a lot of competition out there. And so there's this concept of the blue ocean. I want to identify the blue ocean and give my most value there. Right. What like what in that kind of I guess why do you choose the certain clientele that you're choosing? Was that kind of by accident or was that fairly deliberate?

SPEAKER_01

Um a little bit of both. And I think that a lot of the small to medium-sized businesses are underserved. Right? Like if you're a bigger company, you've got money, you can go get some of these bigger names to kind of help you. But um, you know, small businesses and medium businesses need help too. Right. And a lot of times you can find your way uh and and do really well there.

SPEAKER_00

Sounds like you're doing pretty well in that regard. So the way that your business is set up today, so you have some contracts and then you have your own business. Is the business you're doing on the side still in this space, or is that the the real okay, what is that that you're doing?

SPEAKER_01

Still mergers and acquisitions. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What's the difference between the I guess your your side business and then just the contracts you're having with certain companies? That part I can't talk about. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Okay, okay. That's all right. All right, we'll go to rooks. Okay. Yeah. Well, uh the reason I wanted to ask on that too is because, you know, with the contracts with everybody else. Well, it sounds like with the contracts, the company is employing you. Now, who's is it the the company doing the acquiring?

SPEAKER_01

It's like a subcontractor. Subcontractors, right? So so I would subcontract through those companies and then they would allow me to go and do the work for the two companies that you understand what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think that's what it is. Okay. No, that makes sense. Makes perfect sense. Okay. Um, what's your favorite favorite type of clients to work with in this space? Small. Small to mean in business. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think any particular industry in particular or um Healthcare. Healthcare and and and um I say law. Okay. Yeah, because and the reason why I say that is because they typically have the most leeway uh when it comes to um uh and and I'm speaking kind of outside of the mergers and acquisition business. I'm speaking more into like workload and what they have going on. Um but they have a little more room for creativity. Because they're smaller. Right. Right? There aren't as many uh it's not as much red tape uh as if you're working with like a bigger business.

SPEAKER_00

You could probably move a little bit faster in that regard. Well, and it's interesting you say that specifically when you say of healthcare, because that's kind of where my side business is very well, not my just my side business, my my entire uh uh career is rooted in healthcare. And this happens quite a bit. In particular, um I've noticed the trend a lot. There's a lot of ENT offices that I used to work for that are getting Acquired by private equity. And not just CET, there's a lot of places across the board that are either getting bought by hospitals where the hospitals are buying them or private equities coming in buying like a bunch of people in the same industry.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, I think that's mainly to like bring costs down and like more like um navigating power, no, say leveraging power, essentially, where like it's easier to leverage a contract against insurance if you have like a hundred you know clinics underneath you than if you have just like one-on-one for these reasons. Is that like a big reason why people kind of get into these mergers?

SPEAKER_01

I would say so. Yeah. I think that um honestly, it you know, it it kind of comes down to what you said was just power plays. You know, um big bank takes little bank, you know, type deal. So that's what I typically see.

SPEAKER_00

Aaron Powell We'll go through an example real quick. Let's say um, because I actually was approached by a private equity firm that wanted to acquire ENTE offices, funnily enough. So let's say I am the private equity firm and I'm like, hey, I want to get um your nose and throat you know physicians, I want those offices and I want to acquire a bunch of them, and I need someone to talk to about like how do I actually integrate that all because in addition to you know just acquiring the business, there's you know HIPAA software, there's you know, you've got to figure out how you're actually uh submitting everything into insurance. So I'm talking to you and we're having a discovery conversation. What are some of the first topics we're talking about?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so by the time you've got to me, all that paperwork is in place. Now we're at the the the technical aspect of it, right? So the legal jargon, all of that stuff is done. But the first things that we're talking about is okay, what's the end game? Okay. What are we what are you trying to accomplish ultimately by by absorbing this business, right? Because they've got their own software, they've got their own things. And also, what are we going to use? Because what I've seen in in a lot of the mergers and acquisitions that I do is most of the time you're using what the target company has, right? You know, you know, whatever software workloads that they've got going on. But I've been in some scenarios where they're like, we actually like what the source company has better. So that makes it even more intricate because now it's kind of two projects in one. Not only is it a merger and acquisition, but now it's a merger and acquisition plus an infrastructure overhaul. Okay. Because now we're pulling things out and putting something back in. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So well, let's let's just say this. Let's say I'm acquiring a bunch because I want to I want to use that as a way to negotiate for higher reimbursements with like commercial contracts.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So what what were some things that you saw in there of like if I'm looking in there, uh, some things that be like, ooh, I like that. Let's actually incorporate that into our business as well. What are some examples of that?

SPEAKER_01

So if you've got like uh uh two applications that are doing a duplicative effort, right? One of the things that we would look at is, okay, what's the cost? How much is this application costing you, right? On the from the target side, right? Versus this application that's doing the same thing on the source side. What's the cost? One. Second, how effective is it? Does it make sense technically for us to bring this over and replace the current technology that you have? Those are some of the questions that we're that we're having at a high level to kind of help me paint the bigger picture. Okay. And that's happening, happening in the discovery.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So we're going through the discovery, and now we decide, okay, this makes sense. We have somewhat of a game plan. Who's the one that's, I'm assuming the acquiring company is the one that's making the ultimate game plan of what exactly they want to do. Even though from a technical side, who they're acquiring is kind of a more of a focus point.

SPEAKER_01

Is that an accurate representation? It is, but it's more of like a partnership, honestly. Yeah. But yeah, most of the time there's like a CIO or someone on the target side that's making like the ultimate decision because they can come back to the source company and say, hey, listen, we're gonna allow you to do this and nothing else, right? And here's why, right? But they've made that decision behind the behind the behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so you're not necessarily like you'll give the suggestions, but you're not usually in those conversations. Which sometimes I am. Sometimes I I'm not. It just depends on the company. Have you ever been in a heated conversation? Okay, how do you how do you normally play that?

SPEAKER_01

Well, like I said, I I like to limit the rabbit hole. Like, like let's bring let's bring it, let's bring it back, guys. Okay. Um and what I'll do is I like to use the so what I'm hearing. I I love starting stuff like that. Okay, well, target company, this is what I'm hearing you say, right? When they're in the in the argument, right? This is what I'm hearing you say. Is that right? And then, you know, a lot of times when you when you word it that way, it makes people kind of take a step back and say, okay, did I mean it that way? Or was that what I was trying to communicate? And I mean, okay, so source company, based on what we heard from the target company, where what is your stance? Where where are you at with that? Right. And then the source company can can respond. So, yeah, I'm having to kind of play referee, but we do it in a way that I try to do it in a way that's respectful, right?

SPEAKER_00

Um, and keep us on track. If you want to connect with high performers like today's and previous guests, I want to invite you to apply to join the standard. We are a private membership community that improves the health, wealth, and relationships for six-figure earners who perform at the highest level physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and financially. What we offer is simple. We will give you a vetted local brotherhood of men on your level or above. We will give you a customized plan to build true generational wealth. We will give you a personal liaison to achieve all of your goals. If you are tired of being the most successful person in your circle, frustrated with always pouring into others and not having anyone to pour into you, or you want to have conversations like the ones you're hearing today in person, on a weekly basis with fellow higher performers, go to thestandardmen.com to apply. That's thestandardmen.com. Hit the link in the description below. Now back to the episode. Let's let's pretend that now you're the guy going into um some car dealership and some guy's asking you, like, hey, I want to do exactly what you do, uh-huh. And you take them to your mansion behind and start going, you know, all that sort of stuff. Yeah. You probably do a little bit differently. But what are some of your biggest pieces of advice that you give to him to kind of get him started on the right track?

SPEAKER_01

Um make sure this is what you want to do. And what I do is I do something very similar to what my mentor did for me. Yeah. Hey, here's some low-level I know, these are some low-level things that I want you to go and research. If you want me to mentor you, you want me to to kind of pour time into you. Let's see how you do with this. And and it never fails, man. You'll have people that kind of give up. They're like, uh, and and they don't even ask questions, right? Um and then you have the people that that that push forward. And a lot of times I'll see like two lanes of people. I'll see, well, three, but three are the people that quit, right? First lane are the people that come and they ask all the questions, right? Second layer of people are the folks that ask questions but they're smarter questions. Okay. I can tell that they've gone a little bit down the rabbit hole on their own. Sure. So the questions that they're asking are higher quality questions than they're just trying to fill in the gaps a little bit. Exactly. And and I work with anybody who has the the drive to move, right? Um I'm a little bit more free than what my mentor was.

SPEAKER_00

So that's fair. That's fair. Do you do that a lot for do you have people coming up to you asking how to get into your space? A thousand percent.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and and that's honestly, I think that's what that's one of the beautiful things about the standard is is you know, we're able to really not only interact as high-level men with guys that are kind of been in the field like I have, but also new guys that are coming up. Sure. Guys that are um, you know, looking to take the next step. So it's a it's a it's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because I think you said there are some tech people even within the Atlanta chapter of the standard that have been asking for guidance. Do you kind of have your own like little workshop that you work with them through? We do workshops from time to time.

SPEAKER_01

I'm actually one of the liaisons for Atlanta, so yeah, I get to I get to talk with a lot of the guys from Atlanta last night.

SPEAKER_00

I wanted to talk about that actually. Actually, you know what? This is the perfect opportunity for it. You are a liaison, you you came in from Atlanta last night and you're running a chapter of the standard. First, let's go back to the beginning. What brought you into the standard in the first place?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I knew about um Hafez from the roommates podcast that he was doing way back when. It was a great podcast. Yeah. Love that guy. Hafez, we love you. Yeah, so he's in the room with us. Yeah. But um I saw an Instagram uh reel, you know, that they did, and you know, just the the talking points behind it, it was kind of started to resonate with me because you get to the get to a point where you do kind of start to feel alone, you know, and you get to a certain place, and um the thing that I really loved that kind of captured me was hey, yeah, we really get work done, but that's only one facet of what it means to be high performing, sure, right? And that's just something that I really wanted to be around. Um I work with a lot of guys that are really great in what they do in a profession, but are they striving in other areas? Okay. So I thought that was really, really dope. So that that made me uh want to join.

SPEAKER_00

Well, when you joined in, was there a certain um, I guess, pillar or area that you felt like was kind of neglected that you wanted to bring up? For me, I was I'm a big extrovert, man.

SPEAKER_01

So I I really love people. So I really was looking for a network of men to kind of really connect with. Yeah. Right. Um, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, and I sympathize with that. I I find myself um, I was getting into the space, but now I feel even more now where it's like there's not there's not a lot of people on my roster and my phone number that I can call if I'm just having not even just technical like things of like how exactly to do this, but just that just kind of get it. It's like like questions like, hey, look, I've got like my main job and I got this side thing, and I'm also do this and this, but my wife wants more time with me, but like my kids need more time. I feel like I'm feeling in this area. It's it's it's a hard because I think most people be like, well, you're just doing so much, just cut some stuff off. You don't need to do all that, and we're like, well, maybe it could be, but like, you know, you know, depending on who it's coming from, I guess. And I think that's the bigger thing is like you need to get advice from the right people. You do. Because I've been in spaces where I'm getting just a ton of advice from like a thousand different voices, all of which I don't find all that particularly helpful. So anyway, but from what when you were coming in, were you able to find that? A thousand percent. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I was able to find that pretty quickly. And how long ago was that? Uh man, this has been end of 2022 that I came in? Okay. Uh 2022. So a few years.

SPEAKER_00

All right. Well, you're the liaison over there, which my scene is one of two. One of two. Okay, one of two liaisons over there. What do you do, since you kind of have a group of men under you that you get to mentor and develop, what's your kind of mindset in doing that over there?

SPEAKER_01

So we've got like a a really diverse group of men over there, right? So what we do is we have each of the liaisons, we have a group of men that we cater to, right? We talk with everybody, but we we kind of split up the men kind of based on where we are, right? So I talk to men that are more in my space, or not necessarily in my space, but more in like income bracket, kind of similar to similar styles of life, have kids, that type of thing, right? Right. Um, and then my my uh my my the other liaison, DJ, shout out to DJ. DJ, he kind of takes like some of the younger guys and that type of stuff. And then of course we have Joe. Joe Hines, he he kind of oversees and takes care of everybody.

SPEAKER_00

He's like one of the few people I haven't met yet in the standard. Really? Yeah. Well, I've seen him online, but I think I've seen him in person yet. So Joe's a good guy, man. Yeah, love him. So, what does that work with when you're talking to the people in the higher? What are some things that you do for them that you find are bringing in value?

SPEAKER_01

So, what we do is um across the five pillars in the standard, what we do is we have events that we cater, right, to bring the guys together, right? So obviously we're striving for the physical aspects. So we'll do workouts, right? We'll go outside, we'll go do nature walks, stuff like that, right? Muay Thai. I I'm a I used to take Muay Thai when I was younger. Really? It's my favorite martial arts. Yeah, Joe got us into doing mu thai. I do shaolin kung fu, I've been doing that for several years. Really? Yeah, yeah. So love that. But then you've got um like the the emotional side, which I think we should probably touch on at some point, but letting guys kind of come and decompress. Like what issues are you are you are you working with through? Um, how can we help you there, right? Um then obviously you've got the spiritual aspect, and you've got um the mental, how do we get better, right? So we're we're putting together events, and then the social side, of course, have fun, go out and do bowling and that type of thing, game nights, bring everybody together. But we manage that, we put all that together, Joe, myself, and DJ, and then we push that out to the guys.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So what are some where are some of the coolest stories that you've seen coming out of the standard of like they came in kind of at this area, and then after a bit of time, they just flourished.

SPEAKER_01

I think some of the friendships, man. I think I think some of the friendships like I've I've had a couple guys that were higher net worth guys that are kind of I don't want to say standoffish, but they kind of move in their own light. But when you get them around the right type of guys, they open up. And then also what that does is for that person, um, it allows them to mentor. It allows them to start to pour into other people, right? And and I think that's the beautiful part of it.

SPEAKER_00

That's a cool thing. It's cool when you find someone that like you think would be a good mentor, but they're not quite in the right headspace, and then you get them around to that, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_01

It is. And a lot of times it just takes you talking to them, right? Not even from a mentor, but peer-to-peer. You know, and a lot of times when they see you doing something, it's contagious.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Right?

SPEAKER_00

So well, you know, and I know that the standard isn't the only kind of discipleship, you know, thing you have. You're also very involved in a church, which I am too, so I wanted to talk about that for a good amount of time. Oh what is the church that you're at right now in Atlanta?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so it's uh Chapel Hill Church. Okay. Uh specifically, I am the men's ministry leader over the Chapel Hill Atlanta location. Um been doing that for a really long time. Started with a a small group, eight guys, now we've got, you know, uh a couple discipleship programs going on underneath, and it's guys been doing some great things.

SPEAKER_00

What are some what is some uh day-to-day stuff in that regard that you do?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so um funny enough, I was just in a meeting just talking about, hey, what does the rest of this year look like for men, right? Sure. Being under the men's ministry, now you're dealing with budgets and that type of thing, just making sure that we um kind of do something very similar to what we do with the standard. What do these events look like and how do we cater and what does next year look like? How are we preparing for the next discipleship course, like those type of things?

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So well, I so I wanted to talk about this too, because I'm I'm currently a life group leader in my church. We have 15 couples in there. So, you know, it's not just men, it's men and women. And um, so me and my wife were technically not the first. At as of right now, we're we're one of the first ones to have a kid in there. And then as soon as that happened, like five or six other couples got pregnant right off the bat. So now we're in this cool transition of we have a lot of like like 20s, early 30s, you know, men and women with like you know, infants on the way. And uh our child's the oldest, and he's about almost one year old. Okay. So it's been interesting, and I'm I'm curious to get your perspective on what you do for the men. Because I do think you need a lead with the men. Sure. Um, I think far often in a lot of churches, like it's the women dragging their husbands to church. And when that happens, it's just not a it's it's not ideal and it doesn't grow and thirst the way that should. So from your perspective, what does investing in men do for the body of Christ?

SPEAKER_01

It is integral. I I think that it is the the the focal point. Because I mean God started with man, right? And then and um when you invest in men, I I don't even know the stat. You can go look it up, but I but like if if you get the man to go to church, yes, like I forget the percentage, but it's really high, like the whole family is like gonna follow. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Um the percentage is a lot higher. It's like if the mom goes, there's like a 20% chance, but if the man goes like an 80% chance, like it's it's astronomical.

SPEAKER_01

It is. Right. Um But I I I think the thing with men is we've we've kind of been conditioned to kind of even in the culture you see it kind of today where c men have kind of been conditioned to kind of take a take a back seat almost, like being a man or being masculine kind of isn't cool. Sure. Or or it's what they call it, toxic or something like that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Right. So man, I really like this topic. So I just on Netflix there's this uh documentary called Into the Manosphere, which they're making fun of the more toxic elements of that, which is just such a straw man. But um on the other hand, I do see a lot where particularly in the church, men have really withdrawn. Um describe me, where do you feel like, and I don't want to say like every church does, because some do it better than others, but where are instances where the church kind of fails to draw the men in? Do you know why that is?

SPEAKER_01

Um I think that even with some churches, they they kind of just kind of cater to women. And I think a lot of times what happens is um, and not all churches, sure um, and I don't even want to like put it on a church, but it's like what is our focal point? Where's our heart? Is it about getting people in seats or is it about touching people, right? And I think that men get neglected because even though you may have men serving in the church, that's all we do is serve. And and we're serving others, but we never pour into each other, right? And it's really hard to serve other people when your your cup is empty. And and I think you have a lot of men out here serving and just doing day-to-day tasks in the church, even in life, and nobody's pouring into them.

SPEAKER_00

Well, in what ways do you think the church is not um like catering to men? I have some of my own viewpoints on some some very specific things, I think, but I wanted to hear your perspective.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I just don't think it's I I think again it goes back to men are so busy serving that they don't make time for anything else. Okay. And and a lot of times what when we do get together, what it is is okay, it's a barbecue, or we're gonna get together and watch football, and that's cool. Yeah. But um what are we doing to sharpen each other? Sure. Right? I think that gets missed.

SPEAKER_00

And um it's unfortunate. No, I I agree. I um and again, I think my church does a pretty decent job, but I've been in a lot of different churches over my lifetime. And like for one instance, I think sometimes the way that the services are catered, it's like it's become a thing now where it's a very in the American church, it's very touchy feely. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's true. The sermons are much more of an emotional draw than it is like a like an intellectual or like a like a purpose-driven call. It's just a it's it's a appeal to towards the emotions, right? Which is fine, but I think sometimes that gravitates more to a woman audience than to a male audience. Um, another thing I've also seen in in my personal opinion, um, yeah, whenever the men do get together, like the Bible isn't always on the forefront. Like some it's usually just some sort of a social gathering, which again, it's fine and it needs that, but I don't think the church always encourages men specifically to take the scripture on a very serious level, or being able to insert purpose into why they're showing up to church.

SPEAKER_01

I agree, agree. And I think that a lot of times as men, depending on who you're around, and your your your space or your mental space is going to be very topical. Yes. Right? And and I think that kind of speaks to another issue with a lot of men is like we're not taught to be vulnerable. We're not taught to tap into or deal with trauma a lot of times. We're kind of just told as men to grow up and just, you know, hey, stop crying, you know, get up, let's go. And listen, there is a place for that, right? Sure. But um I think there's a lack of emotionally healthy intelligence um that a lot of men don't get. And and really in in the in the um in the men's ministry, that's what I get to see a lot of is like a lot of guys that are older, 40, 50, 60 year old guys, really getting a chance to be vulnerable. And that transforms that that man from the inside out.

SPEAKER_00

No, I I I like what you said. I had um I have a Bible study that we've been doing. Um, I remember like one of our formative ones, it was like in the first couple months we did it, we had a guy that and he was struggling with with pornography, and he he brought it up. And it was one of the first times where it was like everyone in the group, not everyone, but a good chunk were also like, hey, I'm struggling with this too. Hey, I'm struggling with this too. Hey, what do you do? What do you do? And um, you know, I've struggled with it before in the past. And so we were able to kind of talk like a bit more practically, like, what are some ways to help each other? Um, I remember there was like three group texts that went out the next day of like, hey, we're gonna keep each other accountable. Like, hey, how are you doing? And they would this happen for like a week. Yeah, and then it kind of fizzled out. I'm really disappointed. And I I kind of tried to do it um last week where we were talking about you know, the sex in Marriage and I brought it up and people like I was hoping some more people would kind of like feed into it a little bit, but yeah, there's there's this they don't want to be vulnerable. I don't know how we change that. How do we change that?

SPEAKER_01

I think that you have to meet people where they are. I think that you know, I've I've had it, I've had several guys that have just kind of been tough. Yeah, I'm you know, I'm never gonna be vulnerable, things like that. Sure. But what it is is when you get them in that small group setting, that that's the key. First thing is like what we do is like for instance in ours, like we'll have a big group meeting, right? So we get all the guys together, we're talking about things, I'll be vulnerable about things, some of the other men's leaders will be vulnerable about things. That's important because I think that from a leadership perspective, you have to lead with vulnerability because if I'm if I'm looking at somebody who's supposed to be the leader and they're asking me to do something that they're not doing, it's kind of hard for me to get on board with that, right? Okay. But then what we do is we get to know, I get to know these men, right? And I get to see who these men kind of gravitate towards more. So then when we put the small groups together, it's a lot of prayer that goes into that. Sure, sure. Hey, I'm gonna group these guys together because I see they kind of gravitate. And then when you're giving the lessons and you're talking about vulnerability or getting them to kind of ease into that, you got a group of guys that one, you got a table leader, you got a coach who's gonna help lead them through that. Sure. But they they have this camaraderie already, just maybe a similar background, similar experiences. So once you get that first guy to crack, it's a domino effect. That's so great.

SPEAKER_00

No, I I like what you're saying. So basically, yeah, I lead by example. Yeah, I had some some some leaders that are willing to be vulnerable up there, and then you need to create a small enough space where you can create that camaraderie, and then as soon as that first thing happens, that's a great domino. I like it.

SPEAKER_01

Domino, domino effect.

SPEAKER_00

That's awesome. Well, and I I like what you're saying here because a lot of that, what you're doing in the church environment, you're also doing in the standard environment. It's like it's weird. It's like discipling men has the same principles across the board. Yeah. Um does faith lead into um what you do over at the standard as well? A thousand percent.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that um even the way that we approach like like a lot of the men that may not necessarily be in the same place with faith, I think it plays a huge role. Like meeting people where they are so, so, so critical.

SPEAKER_02

We don't hit them over the head with faith.

SPEAKER_01

But let me show you, let me show you how I live my life. Let me show you how I deal with people, how I treat people, right? It's addictive.

SPEAKER_00

No, and I and I agree with that because I think on the one hand, there's kind of like you know, Bible thumping over the head. But on the other hand, I think there's and I think the churches lean too much in one way where they they're trying to be so sensitive that they don't want to touch it all. And I think that also turns men off because it doesn't feel like you're taking it seriously. Exactly. It doesn't feel like a serious thing I actually need to address. A thousand percent. Yeah, and if you don't take it serious, why should I? Yeah. Right. So, all right, last one pillar, spiritual pillar, which also ties into the mental, emotional, and everything else too. But what um what what's your family life like right now? Do you have I don't I don't even know if I asked you, but do you have any family outside of mom and dad and siblings? Yeah, so I have three girls. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Uh uh 22, 15, and 13. There we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um I've got another brother that's in brother and sister that's in Tennessee. Okay. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So three girls, and I mean, so first off, good on you. Um and I I only have one boy. I can't even imagine having three girls. That'd be great. Yeah. I mean, but they're great, great kids, man. Well, it sounds like with everything you're doing, like you're doing a lot of this and you have the family and everything else. How do you we've had this as a topic on the show before of like this work-life balance, this this mythical thing that you do. And I've heard some some I've heard some people give their philosophy on how they tackle that, but what's your philosophy?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think I don't really get into work-life balance. I get into what's important, right? And then I I I rank things based on that, right? My family is critical to me, right? That's the first ministry, if you will, right? So that gets top priority. Work, second, right? So when we talk about balance, there's an understanding that listen, I may not necessarily always be able to um make every performance that my girls do, but I'm definitely gonna try, sure, right? If I'm out of town doing something. But I think one thing that has transformed my life that I would that I would say to men is from a work perspective, even in your personal life, learn how to say no.

SPEAKER_00

I do a bad job of doing that. You know, it's funny you say that because the last like three, four months, I've been in a very much say yes to every opportunity. And my wife called me out on it a couple days ago. She's like, I feel like I never see you anymore. I'm like, and that's a tough thing to hear. I'm like, yeah, I don't want to, you know, I've got like a cute little baby at the house. Like, I don't want to be away from that. So what um but the on the same point though, you want to you want to be invested in the business because you're you're growing a legacy, you're growing financial freedom, you're doing all this. How do you how do you tailor that?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think that um having a process, right? And and and what I mean by that is when you're growing a business or scaling, there's a certain process that you follow. And again, being kind to yourself, you know, I think a lot of people get so focused in on the process, right? Yeah, it absorbs them. So you don't make time for other things. But your work is just another part of your life. And also, is your work matching your purpose? Because that's another thing that I think men miss is what is the purpose of your life here? Like what are you supposed to be doing? Obviously, serving your family is is a part of that, right? So I think if you keep the the right focus, right, keeping keeping God first, obviously, and allowing him to kind of lead your life, I think that work-life balance will fall into place. Okay. It sounds really heady and topical, but if you really if you really dive into it, I think I think guys would have sustained.

SPEAKER_00

So if you bring God in first, he'll kind of layer everything on what the priorities are. 100%. Yeah. No, and I know that's been it it's always an issue for me. Um day-to-day devotionals have always been a bit of a struggle for me, and I've noticed that the longer I'm away from it, the more like things kind of get misaligned, where things that shouldn't be number one priority tend to always make number one priority.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I think also, man, is is again kind of going back to what the culture has told us. Like, men are just used to serving, working. That's all we do. Yeah, right. That's how we provide for our families. And that's another misnomer, I think, is well, I'm going to work every day. I'm I'm I'm serving, I'm doing all of these things, I'm providing for them. I am doing what I'm supposed to do. Sure. But that's where, again, I've mentioned it before, the emotionally healthy intelligence is so important for men. And a lot of them are lacking it.

SPEAKER_00

So when it comes to emotional intelligence, what you what do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01

I think that being able to tap in with yourself and be real with yourself on a lot of things is really important. And also making sure that you deal with issues that you're having, right? Like, I had a guy who he would work himself to the bone, loved his family, right? But he would be so tired, right? He would he he didn't have anything left, right? So the conversation that we had was like, man, how can you how can you turn that around? Right? Like one, why are you working so much? Because you're doing more than what is required. Sure. Always saying yes. Yes, right? And and what and and kind of diving into that is like, okay, man, that goes back to something that I dealt with in childhood, right? That I never went back and really solved, right? I was like, oh, well, you probably need to go to therapy for that, bro, because you'll probably see a a transformation in your life as a whole if you deal with that. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So a lot of times we're working on these, on these um childhood, childlike programmings that we've had since whatever that trauma or trigger hit. And it's still operating in our lives now when we're 30 and 40 and 50. Um sometimes it just takes somebody to call it out. Sure. Right.

SPEAKER_00

But I think a lot of men fall under this sort of illusion of like, hey, I'm working, like the more work I do for my family, like, you know, the better. Like that, that as if that was your only sole purpose in providing for your family. Thousand percent. So, you know, and they'll use that to justify, you know, well, yeah, how is that a business mean? But this is what I do. And I think that's the problem is like men feel like their only identity as a provider is just purely like monetary income. Thousand percent. Which, and I understand that because money's easy. Money's easy to calculate and quantify. I make this much. This means I'm in this bracket. This is how much worth I am. This is literally my net worth. Yeah. As opposed to, I feel like with a lot of parents, like if they ask their kid, like, would you rather me make another $100,000 a year, or you'd rather I'd like be there on the weekends to hang out with you?

SPEAKER_01

What are they gonna say? They're gonna say, I'd rather you be here. Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And that was really important to me for my girls. You know, a lot of the roles that I took or um business that I did was all remote. So I'd have to travel every now and then, but I was there with them for their like dad was home every night. Right. Like there was That's a blessing. Exactly. There was bedtime stories, there was all of those things, all of those moments that um you know I was blessed enough to be able to have. Um and it's paid dividends now that they're older, you know. Yeah. The relationships are stronger. Um you know, and and and for a lot of guys, I'll encourage them to, you know, if the relationship isn't as strong, let's go play catch up.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And that's an okay thing to do.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and I was gonna ask you, if you there is a man that's kind of fallen into that and they do want to try to make those repairs, what would be your biggest piece of advice? I'm assuming you've probably had conversations like that with guys in the standard.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. So again, you have to meet people where they are, understand where they are. So, like if you've got a relationship with a child or somebody that is is is is um there's tension there. Have the conversation and understand where they are and respect it. Because there's a reason why that relationship is the way that it is, sure. That it is. And the other part of that is what is your ownership in it? Taking accountability is the first thing. If if if more people took accountability for things, I think you'd see um a lot of relationships heal a lot faster, right? Um doing less of the finger pointing, well, well, you know, I did this because of less explaining and just, hey, that's my fault. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I'm saying? Well, that's so that was something I was talking with Marie yesterday, and we were kind of having that conversation where she was feeling frustrated. I'm like, I'm just I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just I'm gonna take it, we're gonna absorb it, and we'll figure out what to do after the fact. Which is tough because I feel like high-performing men also don't take criticism very well. So sometimes when you hear that, you're like, what else do you want me to do? Right.

SPEAKER_01

And the other thing with that, because you just said something really critical, Mitchell, which which I I used to struggle with it. Opening your mouth and communicating. I think one of the things, especially with people that I cared about, right? Um, and it was an own trauma, my own trauma that I kind of dealt with was one of those things where it's like, okay, if I'm in this situation, how do I how do I keep this situation peaceful? A lot of times you avoid the tough conversations, right? To maintain this element of peace when really it's more chaos. Sure. And and sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Right? So so in that moment where it's like, well, let me just take it, no, you know, like, hey, this is what you're saying to me, and this is how it's making me feel. Yeah. And and and being real like that, it may lead to a hard conversation, but it's really gonna bring the peace that you're looking for on the flip side.

SPEAKER_00

No, and that's that's always the case. Because I always feel like when I open my mouth and be like, well, we're already a bad foot. Yeah. We're we're we're we're fighting for the weekend at that point. But and I was just like, you know, you're right. You're absolutely right. I need to do better on this. I need to make action-oriented steps to making meaningful progress. Exactly. But um, I had a I obviously didn't like hearing it in the moment. I think most men do, and that's that's okay.

SPEAKER_01

It's okay. Yeah. And and you know what? Having a boundary and a stand and and a standard for yourself, yeah, pun intended, is really important. Like, if you need to take a minute, yeah, open open your mouth. Hey, I really want to discuss this. I just need a few. Sure. Give me a minute. Yeah. Right? But make sure you don't do what I used to do and compartmentalize and then go do something else. Yeah. No, let's come back and discuss it.

SPEAKER_00

Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Well, sounds like what are your dads doing right now? They're they're in their 20s. Are they in college now? So do a ball.

SPEAKER_01

So so my oldest, she's um on her way to med school. She's studying for med school right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then um my 15-year-old, she does drama. Okay. And my youngest, she does dance. All right. So that's a wide variety. Bro. Med school, what what field does she want to get into? Psychology. Okay. Yeah, she wants to be a psychologist, man. Yeah, therapy.

SPEAKER_00

You must be proud. I'm super proud, man. What are some things that you see now, like because of what you did in maintaining that relationship with them over the years that you can see now on the back end? Because I think for a lot of guys, it's like, especially when you have like a one-year-old, it's like, you know, you're putting a lot of time and effort, but you know, they haven't they haven't gone and gotten their masters and you know, they're not you know, you haven't seen the fruits of that labor. So from your perspective, I wanted to see what can be the fruits of that.

SPEAKER_01

I think the transparency. Okay. Because I think that's a lot of things that like as a parent, parents are afraid of. It's like, what is my kid going through? What aren't they telling me? Like, especially when they get older. But if children can confide in you and and feel safe, um you'll be amazed how much they'll talk if you let them talk, right? Yeah. You just gotta make make time for it. You know, my oldest, we always joke, I'm your dad, but I'm not but now I'm your consultant. Yeah. Right? Because all of the things that your mom and I poured into you, now you're off and doing them. But when I meet with you, yeah, I'm dad, but it's like now she's got real life questions for me. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And, you know, it allows me to to um pour into her because she's being transparent and honest. Right. Um, and I think that's the biggest thing, the biggest benefit that I've seen is their level of trust and communication with me.

SPEAKER_00

So no, that's good. Um I appreciate you, and I appreciate you being vulnerable on that front too. And I mean, no one no one's perfect in this. I'm sure that's there's times we talked in the standard where people are kind of saying, like, hey, I've I've been so invested in work for so long. I I've lost sight of where my family even is. My my I heard we heard one, their son was dealing like with a very, very serious issue. He didn't even know that was like on the radar, but it it was something he'd been dealing with for like many, many years. And I think that that was definitely a big wake-up call for him. That like, um, I remember, you know, uh, I had my baby, you know, there was like a point where he like, you know, fell down or whatever. And you know, he's fine and everything now. But I remember in that moment being like, oh man, I would trade all, like, if he was actually in danger, I would trade everything, everything away just to make sure everything's okay. But I think sometimes it takes like a moment to kind of shake you out of apathy. Thousand percent. Have you ever had a moment like that? Thousand percent.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, especially with girls, man. Yeah, gosh, man, it's geez, like a heartbreak, like, you know, all of that. And then, or even with my oldest, like I had a conversation with her, and this was a couple years ago. She's always been at the top of her class, right? But she would always be hard on herself if like she didn't get a grade, like if she thought that and I remember we were coming back from one of our consulting meetings. She was in college at the time, undergrad. And she just she was like, Dad, I just feel this immense amount of pressure from like like my whole life, all you all have told me is that I'm great, I'm this, I'm that, and I'm the third. And I just feel like if I don't own up to that or if I don't meet that standard, I failed. Sure. And it was really, and that's what I mean by the transparency, like why that time was so important, because it allowed me to say, no, we got a course correct here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, you're great in all of these things, but you're human. Yeah. You're going to make mistakes, you're you're gonna fail.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

The the the importance is not focusing on the failure, but what did we do after we got up? Sure. Because there's no there there's no not getting up.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's what did we do after.

SPEAKER_00

You're great because of what you are, what you accomplished.

SPEAKER_01

What you are and who you are.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And and this is why I harp on being kind to yourself. And that's really what I told her. I was like, baby, you gotta be kind to yourself. Failure is okay. It's what we do after.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And and we're saying, telling you these things because we believe in you, not because we harping on you. Like, you know, you're gonna be in trouble if you don't do it. Sure.

SPEAKER_00

So well, man, uh, you know, I know um it's been one of the the pillars of the standard is legacy. Yeah. And so, you know, we're talking about you've you've discipleship a lot of people in the church environment, in the standard, and with your kids and everything else. From your perspective, they they talked about a lot in the conference that they had last year. But from you, how do you define legacy and what what kind of legacy you're trying to leave behind? Jay was a man who followed purpose.

SPEAKER_01

I I I want to make sure that the legacy that I leave is one that my family and the men that I was around can be proud of. That they learned from that pointed them back to their purpose. Right?

SPEAKER_00

Um that's legacy to me. Okay. You know. What are you doing? Well, it's a silly question. What are you doing right now? I'll explain it to you this way. So tomorrow um I'm actually gonna be teaching a class to my life group about like building like financial wealth, essentially. Like we've been talking about tithing and giving and everything else. I wanted to do something a little bit more on the like, okay, cool, how do we actually build a portfolio and invest and all those sorts of things? But I also know that there's more to a legacy than just the you know the wealth that you leave behind. There's a culture, there's values. What kind of values, what kind of values do you feel like is associated with your legacy, or would you like to be associated with your legacy?

SPEAKER_01

I I would say um kindness, integrity, um wisdom. Um those are my top three. Um because I feel like you can frame everything else underneath those three. Sure. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Um Yeah, those those would be what I would say. Oh, those are pretty good ones. It's kind of hard hard to argue with that. I don't know. Why do you think within the standard the legacy element is such I mean, this is the legacy in wealth podcast. So it's definitely becoming like a thing we're sitting on, but why why do you think that's so important, especially within the community of the standard?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, because the standard is is is one of those those things that can help men find purpose, find their purpose. Because, you know, wealth, money is great, but that's not the only thing that divines wealth, right? Um You're wealthy when you have your health. You're wealthy when you're physically at your best. Yeah. Right? I'm sure you heard health is wealth. And and I think that from the standards perspective and just what's happening here, you're seeing that transformation in men to be complete or strive for completion. Sure. And not just be I'm great in one or two areas, but I'm horrible in all the others. Yeah. And I think when you're focusing on all of those things, right, and you're giving them their own time, that's what helps you create a strong legacy. And I think that's why it's important.

SPEAKER_00

Wise words to live by. Okay. Well, hey man, look, I've really been appreciating this. If people want to reach out to you for their next, you know, their next merger that they want to get into, how can they find you?

SPEAKER_01

Uh they can just reach me on Instagram, JR Davis236. Okay. Yeah, and then uh through email. Okay. What's your email? JR Davis26 at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00

Perfect. Awesome. We'll put it down in the in the link itself below. So all that. But look, I really appreciate you making the flight up here. I know that the men of the standard down in Atlanta are doing much better because of you, and I've really enjoyed this. I'm definitely taking the lead by example in smaller groups into the discussion with my church. Um, and I think it's gonna go good dividends. So I appreciate your time. It's a pleasure, man.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, sir.