Your boss promotes who THEY experience.

This episode breaks down why your reputation at work matters more than your intentions. Perception is reality, and here we talk about how to show up like the person your boss wants to promote.

New Game Careers helps professionals get promoted, hired, and make smarter career moves by building the skills that decision-makers actually reward. 

This channel covers career growth, workplace strategy, promotable skills, proof of value, leadership development, and resume strategy. It’s built from real experience going from entry-level to leading 100+ people as a 3x director. 

Videos break down how careers actually work and give you practical ways to build proof, solve better problems, and remove the guesswork from your next move. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Do you want to throw your laptop directly at the wall when you hear vague advice like take more initiative? Or someone says, you just need to find your why. Me too. I hate wasted time, so I'm not gonna waste yours. This is New Game Careers. The no bullshit truth about how decision makers actually decide who to hire and promote. And everything we cover is based on my experience going from entry level to senior leadership. Today we're gonna talk about how people's perception can actually be more important than your reality. Then we'll talk about three things that'll make you show up as the person your boss wants to promote. And lastly, we'll talk about one thing that, if you're not careful, is gonna keep you stuck no matter where you go. If you want to level up, you have to stop playing the game you're handed and start playing the game you choose. One of the most powerful things you can learn in your career if you want to move up is the concept of perception is reality. Now, here's what that means. You are the sum of what people perceive you to be, regardless of your intent. It does not matter what you think about yourself, good, bad, or indifferent. Because at work, people are not judging the version of you that exists in your head. They are judging the version of you that they experience. And that might be wildly different. My name is Bobby. I'm the founder of New Game Careers, and this podcast exists to make you more promotable and more hireable. Everything you hear is based on my personal experience, going from the clueless guy who asked what Outlook was on his first day, to a three-time director who's now led over a hundred people. And if you want the exact yes or no actions to your next roller promotion, check out NewGameCareers.com. But for now, let's get into it. So let me give you an analogy. Your job is basically like a stage and you're an actor. So have you ever watched a movie where you walked out and thought somebody owes me$17 and two hours of my fucking life back because that was a huge waste of time? Now, we've all seen movies that suck that we didn't like, but imagine if the main actor was like, you know what? That's the greatest movie ever made. Does that matter? No. The audience experienced what they experienced. And that's real. Now, this is the exact same thing at work, except you are the main actor. And no, I'm not saying you have to put on some shady, fake front. I'm saying, look, the version of you who shows up at work is naturally different of the version of you at home or with your friends or what you see in the mirror. So you have to think of it this way. Work is like a stage, and your colleagues are the audience, and leadership is the critic panel. And the performance they repeatedly experience becomes your reputation. And I'm going to tell you right now, you get one reputation, one. And it takes about a million reps to make it work for you. And it takes one, maybe two to ruin it. So today we're going to talk about how to protect your reputation and also show up as the person that makes you an easy decision when it comes time to get promoted. So have you ever wondered why sometimes, like the rude, underqualified, dumbasses of the world, I'm sorry, but it's true, get promoted over the person who's great and better qualified. A lot of the time, it boils back to this principle set perception is reality. And people don't judge you on who you think you are, they judge you on who they perceive you to be. So in front of the right people, they're doing the right things. And so what that means is basically everything when it comes time to making hiring decisions, right? Now, the same things you should be doing are the same things that are going to give people a positive perception of you. But there's a lot to unpack there. But look, here's the reality: you walk into a room and you could think you're the shit, but if the whole room thinks you're a clown, put on your size 22 shoes because that's what you are. You are a clown if that's what the whole room thinks you are. But the reverse is also true. You can walk in full of self-doubt, super nervous, dealing with imposter syndrome. But if that room experiences you as a boss, that is how they are going to treat you 100%. In a way, I'm an example of this. I've left presentations where people walked up to me afterwards and they said, I don't know how you stay so calm and like how you just don't get nervous for presentations. And you know what I was thinking in my head? I'm glad that you confirmed that I was there because I basically blacked the fuck out for that entire presentation because it was in front of 60 different people. And I was super nervous and I felt like there was no way I could do that, but I practiced enough and I came up and I showed up that I did the things I needed to do to be perceived as somebody who knew what they were doing. It did not matter that I had imposter syndrome. It did not matter that I was nervous. So, at any rate, you get the point, but it is very real. So here's the part where it becomes useful. Perception is not just something that happens to you, it's something that you actively influence. And that's based on your decisions. So let me give you another dumb example. Two people standing in front of you. One of them has a business suit, the other one has a Budweiser shirt on with a stain on it. Who are you going to perceive as more professional? Like everybody knows, yes, of course, it's the dude with the business suit because that's associated with professionalism. And here's the crazy part maybe the guy in the suit could be the biggest dumbass on earth, and the Budweiser guy has 150 IQ and he graduated from MIT. But that doesn't matter because as a human, you are designed to make snap judgments based on social norms. That's the principle that we're talking about here. I'm not saying people are bad. I'm not saying you have to put on some crazy front. What I'm saying is this people make snap judgments and most of the time they're true. You can't go through and hyperanalyze everything in your life where you'd be stuck making a gazillion of decisions a day about things that don't matter, right? But if you understand the norms and behaviors that make people experience you as credible and promotable and hireable, and you practice those things every single day, two things are going to happen. First, people are going to start treating you differently right now. But over time, you become that person. And that's the definition of fake it till you make it. And at the end of the day, you truly are the sum of your actions. So whether you think you're changing or not, that's who you become because you're the sum of your actions. Now, can you fully control people's perception? No, some people are biased, some people are insecure, some people are idiots, and some people project their own bullshit onto you. So you can't fully control what people think, but you can absolutely influence what they see and what they hear and how you consistently land. And this does matter. So let's talk about the path to identifying the things you can control to influence perception, or in other words, how people perceive your performance at work. You know how in your favorite movie the main character makes you feel a certain type of way, or the one that you hate? That's because of how you perceive their actions. So let's talk about three critical parts of the positive side of how perception is reality. Now, this is not being fake, it's about being intentional and deliberate with your actions. So the first and most important thing you can do to get started down the path of changing people's perception in a positive way is being self-aware. If you aren't self-aware, you're basically screwed. Because the person who can't see themselves clearly cannot improve. So start with one brutal question: What does your boss say about you when you're not in the room? What do your coworkers say? Like stop and ask yourself that question. What does your team say? And if you cannot think of one negative thing, your self-awareness probably sucks. Or if you can think of only negative things, congratulations. It also sucks. Right? Like you have to be able to see both sides of the coin. So then what do you do? Well, you walk the plank and you go ask. You go ask your boss or someone you trust and say, Hey, I'm trying to get better. What's the biggest area of opportunity? My biggest strength, and the one thing that I don't currently do that would help. Is it scary? Yeah, for sure. Is it useful? Yes, absolutely. And people will respect that because it shows accountability and humility and having the courage to hear the truth without melting into a puddle. Now, the second thing is intent versus impact. And this is super important because your intent is not always how your message lands. Your intent does not magically control your impact. And you might think you're being direct, but if you come off as an asshole, that's what people are going to think about you. And you might think you're bringing great energy, but if it's a room full of accountants, you walk in like a salesperson who just blasted some pre-workout, like your impact is not going to be the strongest. And the point is simple like, read the room, know your audience, because the audience decides how your performance lands. So that means you have to pay attention to the people that you're talking to or the group or the culture or the setting at that very moment. Like you don't have to hide who you are, but if you want to be perceived favorably, stop making people work hard to receive you well. Don't alienate people. So before you speak or present or challenge or joke or push or pitch or whatever, ask the question how is this going to land with the audience that I'm talking to now? You have to meet people where they are. Now the third thing is act as if you are already becoming the person you want to be. And that includes everything. It's how you communicate, it's how you carry yourself, it's how you show up. And yes, how you look. And no, I'm not saying become a corporate mannequin or wear Gucci every day. What I'm saying is look at the people who already have the credibility that you want and study what they do. How do they speak? How do they enter a room? How do they prepare? Or like when they're under pressure, what's their demeanor? And then I want you to start borrowing the useful parts. And that is not fake. It's how humans learn. Whether you like it or not, nobody is original. Everything is an amalgamation of borrowed parts. We're all remixing behaviors from somebody else. So you might as well start stealing from the people that don't suck and the people that are in the position that you want to be in. But here are three different starting points that you can start to think about and actively change. The first one is your appearance. And this is super important because your appearance speaks before you do. So here's the simple rule. Okay. You don't have to go out of your way and go all crazy, but like you have to look like you tried. You do not need designer clothes, but your clothes should fit your body. When you see people who look like somebody deflated the air out of the end of their pants, that does not look intentional. It looks like somebody who just threw something on and said, okay, whatever. Or if you show up and your hair looks like you just rolled out of bed, like I'm sorry, that's not going to get it done. You have to look intentional. And another thing with appearance, your video setup and conference calls. You should not show up to a meeting with your room looking like a hostage bunker. If your bed is unmade behind you for the meeting, for the love of God, don't go to that meeting or make your bed because what that says about you is I can't be bothered to do the basic shit. And if you can't be bothered to do the basic things, there is no way your boss is going to promote you. And that's the whole point of this podcast is to get you promoted. I'm sorry I'm triggered right now. Just make your bed, please. And make sure your room isn't a hot mess. So, anyways, people can tell when you put in effort and they can also tell when you rolled out of bed and made everybody look at the consequences. And like, look, if you have your Hello Kitty pants on, it does not matter. What people see on camera is what they're going to perceive you as. It doesn't matter if your whole fucking room is plastered with whatever inappropriate things, a hot mess, it does not matter. As long as what they see is legit, that's what they're going to perceive of you. I can promise you, this does matter. Now, the second thing is body language. This is speaking again before you even say anything. And people notice how you physically show up. So if you're slouched or if you're checked out or looking down or folded into your chair, looking like the girl from the ring crawling out the TV, hey, you're sending a message. Like put your shoulders back. Come on, like make eye contact, stay engaged. Or for the love of God, just pay attention. Like your body language tells people whether you're engaged or you care about what they have to say. And if you look checked out, people are going to assume you're checked out. And look, I don't want to sound like, okay, boomer, like go into a room, shake their hand, look them in the eye. Like, I get it. But at the same time, if your body language indicates that you're not paying attention, people pick up on that pretty easily. They know if you're looking down at your phone, they know when you're typing on the other screen. So, all that to say, body language, super important too. Now, the third thing is communication. And this is the second mental image that people have of you. So I want you to think of it as they have the physical image of you in their head, but there's also a set of characteristics they have of you in their head that formulate their perception of you. And communication is super important because that directly influences what people think about you. You could be somebody who shows up and looks crazy as hell. I'm not saying you should do that, but hey, if your communication is on point and you seem super legit, that can forgive a lot of sins elsewhere. So, with that, every message you send, you have to understand like that's either a deposit or a withdrawal in your reputation. That's emails, it's presentations, it's updates, it's follow-ups, it's all that, right? How you speak in meetings. So here's the thing take care in what you say. And I'm just gonna stop and say this because it's so important. If you don't want somebody to read it, do not write it. I don't care who it's to, you never know. And I've seen this happen to people a lot of times, like totally screw themselves because they wrote something that ended up biting them in the ass. So, anyways, I'll take a step back. In terms of just tidiness, like emails, things like that, use your spell check like an adult. Asking a question with a period at the end does not show that you care. That does not scream higher me. And you don't have to be an English major, but there's too many tools out there for written communication to be anything other than 100% perfect. Like go to Chat GPT, put that shit in there and say, Hey, make this on point. That's all you have to do. So, really, what you're doing if you communicate poorly in a written sense is saying, I didn't care enough to try. Now, from a verbal perspective, yeah, that's something you have to work on and hone over time. But one thing I will say is this the bigger the group of people, always be cognizant of your audience and who you're with. You don't always have to be super prim and proper. If you're in a room with your pal, like right on, I get it. You don't have to be super polished, but the more people in the room, generally speaking, the more conservative you should be. I'm not saying be a robot, but just be careful because your words are going to formulate people's perception of you. And that's just more of an opportunity to potentially shape perception in a negative way. And I don't want to have scarcity mentality, but at the same time, look, I've seen people do and say some crazy shit in a group meeting. And as soon as you get out of that meeting, it's like high school. People are like, oh my God, did you hear what they said? So, anyways, point is don't be that person. So let's just recap that real quick. First, self-awareness. Super important. If you're not self-aware, you probably aren't going to fix the problem to begin with because you don't know you have a problem. Second thing, intent versus impact. Understand, even if you intend for something to land a certain way, it may not land that way depending on your audience. So always respect and know your audience. And the third thing, act as if you're becoming the person that you're trying to be. That includes your appearance, that includes your body language, and that includes your communication. Now, in terms of the negative things, I'm literally just gonna give you one. Now, there's a lot to unpack here, and they all kind of distill into the same thing, but they all boil down to one thing. People probably aren't gonna like it, but you know what? I don't care because it's real. If you want people to have a terrible perception of you, just be unlikable. And I know it sounds petty, but it's not. It's not, it's common sense. Nobody wants to work with somebody they don't like. And I'm not saying you need to be fake or kiss ass. You don't need to be the golden retriever. I'm saying people are human, they're gonna make snap judgments, and they build a version of you in their head. And some people, depending on their actions, are basically building a criminal case against themselves every day. So let's talk about some of the things that you can do that will make you unlikable. And I know these are obvious, but I guarantee everybody listening to this, including myself, is guilty of doing some of these things sometimes. But you have to be cognizant of it, self-aware, if you ever want to fix it. The first thing is super easy because it is full stop a choice that you make every day how you show up, and that's whether you're negative or positive. Nobody, nobody wants to work with Eeyore. Everyone has a hundred emails or deadlines or hard clients or traffic or some spreadsheet that's making their soul leave their body. Like I get it, but complaining doesn't make you insightful at all. It makes you exhausting to talk to. And if every conversation turns into a therapy session, look, people are gonna start avoiding you. And that shit spreads too. Like positivity and negativity are both equally, equally contagious. So, who are you gonna show up as? You don't have to walk in as a cheerleader every day, but also if you have something negative to say, wait until you are in a room with like your best friend at work to talk about that. Do not talk about it in public because the last thing you want to be pegged as is the person who's constantly negative for the same things that everybody else is dealing with. The second thing is lack of accountability. And this one, I am really passionate about this one. If you miss something, just own it. You make a mistake, own it. Or if you're late or you're behind or whatever, like that happens, I get it. Everybody drops the ball sometimes. But when every time you drop the ball, it comes with some excuse about why it's not your fault. People stop trusting you. And do you know how many people are gonna like you if they don't trust you? It's zero. Nobody likes working with somebody that they can't trust. So you have to show extreme accountability in everything you do, especially in public settings. Now, the next thing, defensiveness. Nobody wants to work with somebody who treats feedback like a personal attack. Ideas need to be challenged and mistakes need to be discussed, and plans need to be pressure tested. That's just a part of life. But if every constructive conversation turns into you acting like you just got subpoenaed on the street, people are gonna stop giving you feedback. And that's not a win. That means you're too difficult. And so you lose twice there. Not only are you not getting feedback that's gonna make you better, but that's a surefire way to make people not like working with you. Now, the next one, kind of in the same vein is negativity, which isn't gossiping. Everybody has private conversations with people they trust. Look, everybody at every level, and it's happened to every business I've ever been to, and that's just how it is. It's human nature, like to do it with the people that you actually trust. But if you're in a public forum and you're constantly spreading drama, or if you're acting like Regina George from Mean Girls, like you need to cut that shit out. Because the second people hear you talk that way about somebody else, they assume that's how you're gonna talk about them when they're not in the room. And the last one I'm gonna talk about is just emotional self-regulation. You know the people that are always in a state of emotional chaos. Everything is a crisis, everything's a big deal, every update is dramatic, every issue becomes a five-alarm fire. And yeah, people go through hard things in life and people have issues at work that fully warrant a crazy reaction. That's real. If your default setting is everything is urgent, you become harder and harder to trust. People want to work with people who can handle their shit and be helpful to them as opposed to being a constant liability who drains every situation they're in because everything's a big deal. So if you want to make yourself unlikable, be that person, make everything a big deal. But I don't think anybody really wants that. You just have to be self-aware enough to make sure that you're not that person. And here's the thing: most unlikable people are not villains, it's just a combination of a bunch of unmanaged shit. And maybe it's their attitude, or maybe it's their emotions, or maybe it's their ego, or whatever. But nobody sets out to become that person, but it always starts with self-awareness of saying, Who am I? Because nobody ever walked into a situation and said, I want to be the drama king or queen, or I want to be the person who's viewed as a liability instead of an investment, or I'm gonna be the defensive person today in this conversation. So you have to stop and ask yourself, in terms of the part you're playing at work, who are you showing up as? Because it always starts with you. And the good news with this is again, all these things just boil down to decisions you make in your day. And the positive thing is this if you have a handle on all these things, I promise you, you're already ahead of 80% of the world. It's just a matter of whether or not you can stop and eject and take the time and inventory and have the self-awareness to understand who is the person you want to be and who do you show up as on stage. And that stage is your job. So until next week, I'll leave you with this. Your career is gonna have problems. It's just a matter of whether or not you choose the problems that are gonna keep you stuck or the ones that are gonna move you forward, like becoming the person your boss perceives as the person they want to promote. And you always have a choice. Always. Thanks for listening. Talk to you next week.