Slightly unhinged truths about bosses (including yours)

This episode breaks down the difference between leaders and bosses, and why that difference matters way more than people admit. We’ll cover what good leaders actually do, the red flags bad leaders show, and the myths that make leadership seem more mysterious than it really is. Whether you’re trying to figure out if your boss is helping or hurting your career, or you’re a leader trying find your way, this is for you.

New Game Careers helps professionals get promoted, hired, and make smarter career moves by building the skills that decision-makers actually reward. 

This channel covers career growth, workplace strategy, promotable skills, proof of value, leadership development, and resume strategy. It’s built from real experience going from entry-level to leading 100+ people as a 3x director. 

Videos break down how careers actually work and give you practical ways to build proof, solve better problems, and remove the guesswork from your next move. 

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Transcript

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Do you want to throw your laptop directly at the wall when you hear vague advice like, take more initiative? Or someone says, you just need to find your money. Me too. I hate wasted time, so I'm not gonna waste yours. This is New Game Careers, the no bullshit truth about how decision makers actually decide who can hire and promote. And everything we cover is based on my experience going from entry level to senior leadership. Today we're talking about good things leaders should always do. We'll also cover three things leaders should never do, and also three leadership minutes. But really, this whole episode comes down to one test. Is your boss helping build your career, or is it time to bail? If you want to level up, you have to stop playing the game you're handed and start playing the game you choose. Quick disclaimer before we start today. I am very, very passionate about this topic, so there's gonna be very little filter. So if you're offended by adult language, maybe not the best episode for you. Because today we're talking about leadership. And that means good bosses, that means bad bosses, the ones that'll change your life. We'll also talk about the ones where you're like, I don't know what crimes against humanity I must have committed in a past life to deserve this because this person is making my life a living hell. And everything in between. So let's get started. The first thing people need to understand about bosses and leaders is this. They are one of the biggest deciding factors in somebody's entire life and their well-being, because they control one of the most valuable resources on planet Earth, and that's people's time. And having an amazing leader can change somebody's life forever, but having a terrible leader can make your life a living fucking hell. And leadership is not a buzzword that you see on LinkedIn, and it's not a title or the next rung on your ladder, it's the opportunity to potentially change somebody's life. And it's happened to me. That's what I aspire to be. But look, I can also ruin your life too. This is 40 hours your week. But here's the thing: I don't care if you're on Wall Street or you sell fucking dog food, being a leader is a privilege. It's not a right, and it's always a big deal because that's 35% of your employees' waking hours every single week. And if you can teach people things like discipline or change their perspective from pessimistic to positive, that sticks with them forever. But conversely, if you're an asshole and you don't lead by example and you're on a power trip, you can take a positive person and break them down and make them pessimistic and you wrote their discipline. And I know the difference between a boss who helps people grow and a boss who's in it for them. So today we're going to talk about the difference between both and how to tell when it's time to bail. I'm Bobby, I'm the founder of New Game Careers, and this podcast is about making you more promotable and more hireable. Everything's based on my experience, going from the clueless guy asking what Outlook was on his first day, to a three-time director who's now at over 100 people. And if you want the exact yes or no actions for your next roller promotion, you can check out NewGameCareers.com. But for now, let's get into it. So let's start with the three things leaders should absolutely do. And for the record, this episode is kind of going to be twofold. So, first, it's going to help you identify whether you're in a situation where you should stay or go based on your boss, but it's also advice to the people that are leaders themselves. The first thing good leaders should do is act as though every single action they take could be a universal law for their entire team in that exact same situation, and not just sometimes. Every fucking action you take. Because how you do one thing as a leader is how you do everything. And every standard you ignore becomes permission for other people to ignore it too. And if you expect people to show up at eight, look, you better be there at eight. And if you expect people to be in the office, your ass needs to be in the office too. And if you expect quality, which you should as a leader, because it starts and ends with you, you better show quality 100% of the time, even on the little things. Because honestly, as a leader, the little things are the big things. That's how you separate yourself. And having a leadership title does not give you permission to work less hard. You should be the personification of what right looks like. And you cannot build a culture of accountability if you're not accountable your damn self. Because accountability is trust. And look, trust is the currency of every relationship inside working out. So if you want to be trusted and you want to be a leader, I want you to ask yourself about 37 times a day, even when nobody's looking, especially when nobody's looking, right? Could I make this action a universal law that my entire team should follow in this exact same situation? And honestly, if the answer is no, you shouldn't be doing it. Try again. Now the second thing good leaders do is prioritize their team's success above everything. Everything. Which actually means leading them to success. Good leaders don't just tell people what to do, they actually teach them what to do. And hiring is on you. So your team and whether you have the right person on your team, that's dependent on you. But training is on you too. Coaching is on you too. And if you keep somebody with a shitty attitude, just because they do that one report really well, look, you're letting your entire team down. That's putting lipstick on a pig. And now everybody else has to smell the pig. So the whole point is this everything is your fault. Everything. But conversely, when your team succeeds, you need to be singing their praises and be their biggest cheerleader. Because if you want to have an environment where people are excited about having wins and being successful and doing the things they need to do, you have to always sing their praises. Because happy people and competent and well-trained people create results. It's not the other way around. And if your team fails, that is your failure. If your team is confused, that's on you. If your team is scared to make decisions, that's on you. So your job is not to be the superhero. Look, you're human too. But your job is to build a team that gets stronger because you are there. And my personal dream for every team I've ever had is for them to stop and say, Bob, you are officially completely fucking worthless to us. And I would be like, Okay, sweet. That means it worked. Because, like, look, I am responsible for my team. Yeah, sure, everybody's responsible for their own decisions. But at the end of the day, you put those people there and you train them and you lead them on what's right and wrong and what right looks like at the end of the day. And if your team is happy and firing on all cylinders and they're doing their things and they love their job and they like who they work for, look, everything else is going to fall into place. But make no mistake, your team's happiness hinges on you. They don't work for a company, they work for a person, and that person is their boss, which is exactly why you have to prioritize your team's success above everything else. And if you can do that, it shows because you're only one person. But if you have a team that's creating results, look, people are going to be able to see that very easily. Now, the third thing good leaders do, that's maintain and hone emotional intelligence. I cannot overstate the importance of emotional intelligence for a leader. This is probably honestly the most important trait in leadership because you are not just managing tasks, you're managing humans and personalities and emotions and motivations and fears and strengths and insecurities and ambitions and all that shit. And that requires humility. That requires self-awareness. That requires you to ask yourself, what does my team say about me when I'm not in the room? Because if you've never asked that question, now is the right time. And so is every single day. And a lot of leaders get this fucked up. They think because they're in the leadership role, you can make exceptions for your behavior. Or it doesn't matter when you fuck off on something, or it doesn't matter when you don't show up to that meeting, or it doesn't matter when your email looks like something that you wrote in the sixth grade. I'm going to tell you right now, it matters more than anything else because you're setting the standard. And how you show up on that one day when you're pissed off and you're acting like a psycho, like the whole team can feel that. So sure, you might have the boss title, but you have to be able to stop and eject and say, what do people really honestly think about me when I'm not there? What do those conversations look like? And you know, the hard conversations, those require extra care. Like you have to stop before those even start and say, how is this going to land? And this doesn't mean you avoid the conversation. It just means you have to handle it with respect because you don't know how that's going to affect someone. And if you want to reinforce behavior, stop telling people what not to do and start telling them what works. Now, I'm not saying never tell somebody if they're doing something wrong, but if you really want to get somebody to do the same things over and over again, tell them when they did a good job. Tell them what they should repeat. Tell them what you want to see more of. Because those are the things that are going to stick with people. But there are a lot of bosses out there that just want to complain about the bad shit. And it's like, look, you know what somebody is when they constantly complain and they never reinforce what they do like? A whining, complaining fucking child. Honestly. So, like, if you can have the situational awareness and gratitude and wherewithal to tell people when they're killing it, you're going to have an environment that's not just going to be better for your team, but you will get better results. I guarantee it. And more importantly, this is going to be somewhere where people actually like to work. But that always starts with your emotional intelligence as a leader. So to wrap this section, if your boss embodies these three things, stay, learn. Like, don't take that for granted. Good leaders are hard to come by and they can change your life. And so what I would say is this is the number one factor in whether or not you're going to be happy with your job, or at least whatever your job is right now. So if this does sound like your boss, if they do embody these three things, I would say seriously consider before you jump ship. Now let's talk about the other side of the coin. And these are things leaders should never do. And the first thing leaders should never do is create an environment of unpredictability. Or in simpler terms, don't surprise your team. Don't blindside them. Don't come in every day and have it be a coin toss as to whether or not you're going to be normal or you're going to be a psycho that day. Because your job as a leader is to create an environment where people feel respected and safe and confident and like they can make their own decisions. And you know what kills that? Constant surprises, especially if people are getting blindsided. So if you come in with a different emotional disposition every day, that's a failure in leadership. It does not matter what's going on in your outside life. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to be human. But don't bring your bullshit into work. Or if somebody hears negative feedback for the first time during a review, that is an absolute failure in leadership. They should always know. You should be letting people know and constructively coaching them as these things pop up. Or if you put somebody on the spot in a meeting and you embarrass them, that is a failure in leadership. Or if you regularly expect things that you never set expectations for, that is a failure in leadership. 100%. And the last thing is written communications. If you're somebody who's rude or critical over chat, or you're somebody who sends people critical feedback over an email before talking to them about it, here's my number one piece of advice for you. You should quit your fucking job because you are not cut out to be a leader, because that's a coward hiding behind a keyboard. And blindsiding people behind a keyboard is like, look, leadership just is not for you. Because hitting people with surprises does the opposite of what leadership should be, which is helping people grow and helping them become better and making them feel confident and happy about their jobs. And every single time you have an opportunity to course correct somebody, that's an opportunity to align. That's an opportunity to sit somebody down and look them in the eye and be like, yo, this isn't going to be an easy conversation, but I want you to understand. We are having this conversation because I want you to fucking kill it. I want you to tee off. I want you to get promoted. I want you to be fucking rich. But your behavior right now, look, it will never get you there. But here's what I would do rather than the behavior that you did Tuesday or whatever. So you're robbing people of the opportunity to be better when you do that. Now, the second thing leaders should never do is treat people with a different level of respect depending on their title. If you're one person in front of your boss, but an unhinged psycho in front of your team, that says a lot of shit about you. Here's some questions for the leaders out there. Do you interrupt your boss regularly? Do you yell at your boss? Do you blame your boss every time something goes wrong? Probably not. So it's pretty simple. Don't do it to your team. Because every single person deserves respect. I don't give a fuck what your background is. I don't care what your job level is. I don't care what you do on the weekends. I don't care what your preferences are in this life. That's your prerogative. But as long as you're human and as long as you're kind to others, you deserve respect. So that means for the leaders, you have to maintain that as a standard. Because if you're treating other people like shit, here's what you're saying. Y'all should just go treat everybody like shit. But at any rate, if your boss acts polished in meetings in front of their boss, but still treats you differently behind the scenes, that's a major red flag. Because honestly, that's a character trait. And you know what? Everybody has bad days. If it happens once, okay. Look, people make mistakes. But if they regularly do that, that's not something that they do. The biggest red flag is they're the type of person that does things like that. Because that's a character trait. And I would say, probably time to bail. Now the third thing leaders should never do is make their problems everyone else's problems. Leaders are people too. Sure. They get to have emotions, just like anybody else. But here's reality they accepted the job, they took that responsibility. That means their emotional state does not get to be everybody else's emergency when it's convenient for them. And yeah, leadership is fucking hard. I'm not saying it puts you on a special pedestal, but it is hard. It is. That's just the nature of the beast. But look, if you're willing to get paid like a leader, you have to act like one. And if you come in crazy, acting like a circus, everyone's gonna panic. And if you're always complaining, you're telling everybody else, go complain. Or if you're hyper-emotional, you're teaching the team to be hyper-emotional. So when you come in whining about your boss, guess what your team is gonna do? I'm gonna give you a hint. It involves whining and it involves you. You can do the math. But let me just give you a dumb example of what I mean by this. How would you like it if the pilot got on the intercom and they said, oh fuck, we have turbulence and I'm really freaking out. Like, hell no, I'd have a heart attack. You do not want that as a captain. I want the pilot to inspire confidence and speak to me in a calm voice. And even if the plane is doing fucking parkour through the clouds, I don't want to hear about your fear. I want you to tell me as the captain how we're gonna fix that shit. And it's the same way as a boss. And look, I'm not saying you have to withhold information from your teams. I'm not saying lie to them, but you have to be confidence inspiring as a leader because if you can't figure it out, who's gonna figure it out? That creates hopelessness and nobody likes to feel hopeless, whether you're a leader or not. But the important thing is your tone sets the tone for everybody. If you walk in the room steady, the room has a chance to stay steady. If you walk in spiraling, they have two problems the actual problem, and then your emotional inability to handle the problem. And as a leader, you are there to be the master fucking problem solver. It starts with you. You are the person who helps fix what's broken. You are not the person who brings what's broken to your team and flips out about it. So the bottom line is this you're there to be the voice of reason and to help your team above everything else. And if you use your team as an outlet for your emotions, you don't need better luck. Like you need therapy or a friend or a nap or a different fucking job because that's not leadership. I'm sorry, it's just not. But now let's talk about three myths about leadership that I think a lot of people probably get wrong. And so the first thing is that leaders are bottomless wells of answers. No, they absolutely are not. Most of the time, good leaders don't just magically have the answer. I mean, they might if they have a lot of industry experience with whatever job they're doing. But I can promise you above anything else, is they're really good at knowing how to get the answer or how to get there. Leadership isn't even about having every answer. It's about being able to ask the right questions and find the right people and gather the right information to move through the uncertainty of whatever it is you're dealing with to figure out what the answer is. So, all that just to say, don't prop them up on a pedestal and think that they're just an infinite wealth of information. They're not. They're a person just like you. Good leaders just know how to stay calm and figure out what the right answer is. Now, the second myth is that leaders are somehow different from everybody else. They are not. They are no better than you. They get sauce on their face when they ate wings, and sometimes they open the cupboard and see that their dumbass left the milk in there with the bulls. And they have partners that bust in the room, like the Kool-Aid man, talking about secret wives of Mormon lives or whatever, right? Like, all I'm saying is outside of work, they're a normal person, just like you. They're no better. I guarantee you, they lead a normal ass life. So I'm also saying you should treat leaders like people too. And if you can actually do that, that's kind of a cheat code. Because if you can flip the script and ask them what you can do to make their lives easier, that's gonna create a positive relationship with your boss. Because I'm not saying, whoa, is me, but I can tell you from first hand experience, a lot of what leadership is is how many fires are you gonna put out today, or how many problems are you gonna solve, or people saying, Hey, can you help me fix this? And rightfully so, that should be your job. But at the same time, when you have one person come to you and say, What is one thing I can solve for you today? What is the biggest shit show in your world that I can take off your plate? When you can do that, you change the dynamic with your boss because then you're no longer their, I hate the word subordinate, but or direct report, whatever. You're a partner to them. And I personally do this with my boss because I know what it's like. I've been on both sides. And I can tell you right now, if you can develop that relationship, that's gonna go a hell of a long way. Because when your boss is talking to their boss and their boss asks them, who's gonna be sitting in your chair if we promote you? Guess what? Your name is gonna be the first name that pops in their head if you're constantly taking the big ass problems they have off their plate. So just something to consider. And the third and final myth is that all bosses are like your boss. That the establishment sucks. Damn the man. Bosses suck, right? Or maybe bosses are great. There's some people that get rose-colored glasses because their first boss was awesome, and then they go to the next boss and they're like, damn, I really didn't know what I had. But it's just not true that all bosses are created equally. Some are going to change your life for sure. And learn everything you can with those. Treat it with respect because it is rare. And some bosses are completely underqualified and unhinged, and they got there through some series of impressing the right people or nepotism or failing forward. But with them, what you have to do is weather the storm and get out. Because the number one roadblock in your career is if you and your boss don't get along, I'm telling you right now, you're not moving up. They are the person advocating for you in the room talking about promotions. And I've been the person asking for promotions about a hundred times. And I've also been in the room giving promotions and discussing who's moving up. I know how those conversations go. So if you and your boss don't get along, that job is probably a dead end road for you. But what I will say is this every boss you have teaches you a new set of skills. Just like you teach your boss a new set of skills. If they're smart and they pay attention, right? Because everybody's on a spectrum and you learn new things from different people because everybody's different, that's a good thing. But the good ones teach you what to copy. However, never ever, ever take for granted a crazy boss. Because equally as important is learning what are the things you never want to be and the things that you want to never copy, and the things that you want to say, you know what? For as long as I live on planet fucking Earth, I will never be like that person, no matter what. But the through line is this never waste that lesson because it's valuable either way. Now, here's the real test. Is your boss making you better? Are they making you more confident? Are you climbing? Are you learning? And if you are, stick around. But if they're making you smaller, and if they're making you lack confidence going into work, and if you're sitting in your car being like, How the fuck did I get here? This is gonna suck every day. Look, it's time to bail. So you have to ask yourself, which one of those versions is you? And most of the time, honestly, it's not black and white, it's a gray area, but you have to ask yourself, is your boss making you better or are they making your life worse? Because honestly, they control 40 hours of your week. There's not really anybody else in your whole life, very few people in your whole life that have that much control over your time. And I've been fortunate to have some incredible bosses, and for them, I'm thankful. And I've been fortunate to have some bosses that have significant opportunities for improvement. What I will say is this I'm thankful for them all. Because one way or another, it did help me learn. So I hope you do the same thing. So this actually wraps the first season of the podcast, and the plan is to do them in eight episode batches, and that gives me the opportunity to focus on shorter, more instructional videos for YouTube, which I think actually will lend really well to the content. But until next season, I'm gonna leave you with this. Your career is gonna have problems. Now, whether they're the ones that keep you stuck or move you up is entirely up to you. And if you make your problem finding the right boss, I can promise you, it's gonna make your life a hell of a lot easier. And it's gonna be a lot easier for you to get promoted, and it's gonna make your life better for 40 hours a week. And there is no job on earth that's worth being miserable for 40 hours a week. Thanks for listening. Talk to you next time.