Christie's Truth

SDK Sister Christie tells her story of escaping an abusive relationship and finding her husband unexpectedly 6 months later. Join in to hear this honest conversation. 

Christies contact information:

@bikiniiboss

@yourcosmicconcierge

Dating After DV (Spotify and YouTube)

If you want to be a guest on the show, have me tell your story, questions or comments please email me: Shedidntknowpodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Welcome back to SDK Wednesdays with your girl Ash. And we also have a special guest today. Her name is Christy. She will be telling her story. Welcome to She Didn't Know, Christy.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Hi, thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

And I will let you go ahead and have the floor.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Okay. So well, I'm originally from Canada, from uh just south of Toronto in a town called Hamilton, Ontario, Steeltown. And so born and raised, um, I I guess my story starts. I found myself in uh a relationship that started in 2018. And um it felt like I found my person, you know, it was like, oh my gosh, this, you know. In fact, I was actually um I was a virgin. I was waiting for marriage, and I was like, this is the guy. And so, yeah. So um, you know, and then as these things do, um, the the relationships, the relationship got more confusing as time went on. Um, at the six month mark, there was like a disagreement and a shove. And I was like, oh my gosh, like I moved all my stuff out because we could, because I, you know, brought a bunch of stuff over. I was staying there every night, and uh I was so confused. And my dad said, Chrissy, things don't get better after this. Like these these kinds of things only get worse. But I needed to learn the hard way. So after a couple of days, I moved all my stuff back and you know, we we rebuilt from there. And I basically felt like, oh, well, I should have, you know, I knew he was upset, I should have not tried to talk to him about it. So, you know, saw where my part of the responsibility was, um, even though it didn't feel right. And then so just as time went on, I learned to survive the relationship. There's a lot of walking on eggshells. Um, there's a lot of new rules that I I they weren't set up like rules. Um, I don't know if you've seen, have you seen the housemaid movie that just came out? Okay, so it wasn't the movie. Oh man, it was, I loved it. I actually bought it after that. Um, so it wasn't like there was rules. It wasn't like now you must learn that you need to dye your hair. It wasn't like that. It was like it was very um covert, right? It's like, oh, he gets mad when I do this or when I don't do this. So I'm just not gonna do that, you know, that kind of a thing. Um, so that the relationship went on. And uh it's it's interesting the changes. Like I stopped going to the gym. I've been going to the gym since I was 14 with my dad. Um, I I stopped going. I um what are some other things? I stopped journaling. I didn't even realize that. And so I mean, I knew that I obviously, you know, I used I've journaled my whole childhood. Um, I won awards in school for essays and short stories and whatnot. I loved writing, but for some reason I just there was there were no words in my head. Like I would look at my journals and I'm like, I have nothing to say. I have no energy for this. It was at the at the time, it was like, okay, well, then I won't write, you know. Um it wasn't until actually this week that I look back and I'm like, that should have been a massive sign. So anyway, you know, things um things carried on. And I just remember, I mean, every anniversary that would go by, I'm like, where's the ring? You know, it's been for almost five years. Like, what am I doing? I was 30 at the time. I'm like, are we doing this forever? And uh so I there was just one point I felt, oh, I was drinking, drinking like a fish. Um, I don't know when it started in the relationship. I mean, we, you know, the first date was like champagne in the hot tub. But um as time went on, it was like regularly four bottles a night of champagne. And again, that should have been a sign. But I was in my 20s. It's like, oh, I can handle it. This is fun, and like this is such a great lifestyle. And what it felt glam, um, you know, I mean, he he uh when I met him, had like a an older SUV. And by the end of the relationship, he was on his second Lamborghini. And so I also felt like, look how you know my energy has like, you know, helped this man achieve his dreams too. So it just it felt like things were good, like things looked good. Um, and inside I was a sh like a shadow of my former self. I was like so centered on him. Um, and I just remember being unhappy, like things just they didn't feel good. I was cranky. And I just remember praying to God and saying, if this is not where you want me, I need you to make it so painful that I have no choice but to leave. And uh two weeks or a couple weeks after that, he ended up assaulting me like I've never been assaulted before, like picked up, thrown into the wall, kicked while I was on the floor. That happened multiple times. And I was just like, Oh, I needed this. Like, I'm free. I yeah, it was like, and you know what? I actually did uh an interview with the ex-wife of the wolf of Wall Street, um, Dr. Nadine Macaluso. And she she wrote a book called Run Like Hell. It's an amazing book. And in that book, it describes how messed up it is that when an assault like that happens in a relationship that is, you know, emotionally or mentally abusive, it's actually a relief because it's like, okay, I'm not imagining this. Now I see like that was not okay. I did not deserve that, um, even though they're telling you that you did. So that was my ticket. I moved all my stuff out for the last time the next day. And uh that was the beginning of the end. And then, so that's like the you know, the first part of the story. From then I went to Costa Rica for a retreat just to kind of get out of town. I mean, I he was driving around, you know, places where I would be, and I just didn't feel safe. So uh I went to Costa Rica and I ended up Oh yeah, and I had people telling me they saw him, and I'm like, he doesn't even know I play softball here. And they're like, Well, it was him. So that was creepy. Um, yeah, so yeah, I went to Costa Rica, felt so different. Like my body came alive again. Um, I felt free, I felt safe. So I canceled my flight home and I stayed there. I found a bartending job and an apartment on the beach. Um, and then six months later, I met a handsome vacationer from Southern California, and I'm now married to him. So it's yeah, just finished my immigration stuff, finally have a green card. That and that wasn't the point. Like that wasn't, you know, I never saw myself living in the US um south of Toronto, you know, in Canada, it's pretty similar to the New York area. So um definitely wasn't the point, but I just never saw my life twisting this way. And I just see, you know, the fingerprints of God all over my story, like the protection and you know, so yeah, that's what happened.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

So did you see any red flags like um like before all of this happened?

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Of course, I thought it was a carnival. It was like perfect. Yeah, of course, right? Like every little shove, the name calling. Um, but I I'm someone that likes a challenge and I I need to learn the hard way. And so there was actually a moment with the name calling specifically, which I moving forward from that, I told every, you know, if if um there was a guy that I would be dating in Costa Rica or with my husband, I was like, name calling is an absolute like deal breaker. We're not doing that. Because if if that's how you're gonna treat someone, that's disrespect, and it's essentially uh assault, like you know, verbal. And so I just said I have absolutely no tolerance for that. Um same with littering. The way you treat Mother Earth is the way that you treat women. It's it's wild, but my ex would litter all the time, and I'm like, that's disgusting. So yeah, there were definitely red flags.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

I don't even know anyone that litters. I was just like, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Isn't it crazy? And I was like, okay, well, you know, he just doesn't want the car dirty. I'm like, ew. Um, so yeah, the the name calling, like, it's crazy. We were doing renovations, and uh, so obviously I'm used to him calling me names, and I'm just like, oh, okay, well, he's just angry. And obviously it didn't feel good, but I it's something that it's like, am I gonna leave over this? Okay, well, then deal with it. So yeah, I heard him doing renovations and um he he must have messed something up and he started calling himself an idiot. He's like, You idiot, how could you? And I knew he was talking to himself, and I was like, Oh my gosh, that's how he speaks to himself, which is why that's how he speaks to me. So I'm like, the poor guy, like he needs to heal, right? And as we do, and I'm just like, right, and so yeah, there were red flags all over the place. And like I said, I like a challenge, and I was trauma bonded to him, and um it's almost impossible to leave in those situations, you know.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Well, luckily you didn't have any kids.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

So oh my lord, no, that I am so grateful. And and I mean, he, you know, exactly, yeah. Praise God.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Thank you for sharing your story. Um, if anyone wants to contact you, how can they get in contact with you?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Uh yeah, well, I have um my Instagram, my story's kind of documented on there. It's called uh Bikini Boss. Um, there's there's two eyes in there, so you'll find me. My name's Christy. I do also have uh an astrology page. I do um card readings and stuff, not tarot, and that's actually another weird part of the journey that I didn't mention. Um, I had a reading from uh an astrologer numerologist, and she told me this is kind of creepy, she said, because I called her right after I left the relationship, and she said, Well, all this needed to happen because you have um an up-leveling in self-love happening this year. And she said, on December 28th, you have stable love coming into your life. And that's exactly the day I met my now husband. Um, and so with all that, it was, you know, my faith is my faith in God is very um deeply rooted, I would say. And I've just started to see what we have with astrology and and numerology as these patterns not to be worshipped, but that can, like the magi, you know, in the Bible, we can it can lead us to Christ. Um, for me, that's that's kind of how I wrap those two things together. Because I know, you know, most people in the church aren't really talking about stars and star signs. So since all that, I um I took on doing readings. So that's something that I do that really helped me just find direction in that really dark time. Um, and so yes, that's my other Instagram page. And then I do have a podcast series. I didn't want to do like a long-term thing, but I have a limited series of 12 episodes on YouTube and Spotify called Dating After DV. So if you do go to my Instagram, you will see um all about that as well.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Okay, well, thank you so much. And I will put all of her information in the description and SDK family. I will see you next Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

She didn't know, but she's right.