Escaping my abuser

Host Ashley tells her story of escaping an abusive relationship.

Thank you for listening: If you want to be a guest or want me to tell your story, questions or comments please email me at Shedidntknowpodcast@gmail.com


My Tiktok page: Katching up with Ash @katchingupwithash

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

She didn't know, but she's rising strong because the life wasn't yours, you belong. She didn't know. She didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Welcome back to SDK Wednesdays with your girl Ash. I am so excited to say this is my 25th episode. I am honored to have all of my listeners tuning in every Wednesday, so thank you so much. And thank you to the brave women who have come on here to tell their stories and those that I plan to record with in the future. I am very humbled that you trust me and my podcast to tell your truth with no judgment and pure safety. I was recently visiting Indiana, which is where I'm from, but my daughter wanted to have a happy meal, so we stopped in McDonald's to eat. This man saw my she didn't know hat, which I was wearing. I have a few made. But anywho, he said his sister listens to my podcast. I said, Well, that's my podcast. And honestly, it was pretty cool meeting someone in person who had even heard of my podcast. So let's get to today's episode, Escaping My Abuser. I have briefly mentioned in previous episodes of my abusive relationship that I was involved in while I lived in Houston. It has been such a long time of me not thinking about it or talking about it. So even if this helps one person, I feel like it was worth sharing. I moved to Houston in the summer of 2010 and I met him maybe a month or two after living there. From the beginning, we hit it off and started seeing each other almost every day. Within six months, we were staying together and everything was going well. So I thought the very first time he abused me was the one I mentioned previously. We were out at a lounge with his family and actually happened to be to celebrate my birthday. And he saw a guy trying to talk to me, which I politely told the guy I was taken and walked away. But apparently that was not good enough for him. He proceeds to argue with me and I was embarrassed, so I decided to walk outside. He followed me and punched me in the face, and I fell to the ground. The parking lot was made of gravel, so he drags my face in the gravel, then pushes me in front of a moving semi-truck. I was so out of it and dazed, I could not move. But by the grace of God, his sister pulled me out the street just in time. After that happened, I left and went home to Indiana. The day after I got there, I went to the emergency room because my face looked so bad. And when they asked what happened, I told the doctor the truth, and he said, Please do not go back to that person. I wish I would have taken those words to heart. So I'm in the hospital because they admitted me and put me in a special room. The way the gravel peeled the skin off my face, my face was unrecognizable. The doctors were treating me like I was contagious or whatever I had on my face could spread to people. I felt like some sort of science experiment because they had so many people coming in to look at me. I stayed in the hospital for almost two weeks and my face healed for the most part. After months of calling him, of him calling and apologizing and saying he would never do it again, I decided to go back to Houston. It was a couple months after I went back and the abuse started again, but by this point it almost seemed routine. I wasn't working when I went back. So after a while, I'd enrolled in college online. Then I decided I needed to get a job. It was his idea of me not working, but looking back, it was just another form of control. I was working in a pharmacy because I'd been a pharmacy tech for years, so it was a quick job to get. Something falling the store. Why was he trying to hide behind the stand of greeting cards and knocked it over trying to spy on me? My coworker said, Um, Ash, is that your man? How embarrassing. It sounds crazy, but when I knew something was about to happen, I would think, well, at least I got one hit in, which is definitely a distorted mind. One of those times I got in my car and went to stay at a hotel. My car stood out because I still had Indiana plates and he knew a lot of people in Houston, so he was able to find the hotel I was at. When I had checked in, my face was bloody and swollen, and the hotel clerk could tell something was wrong, but he didn't ask. So I hear the phone in my room ringing, and he asked, Did I want my abuser to have my room number? And I said, No. I eventually went back home and I got a new job where it was inside an office building, and only people who worked there could go past a certain point. At this point, he would only hit me in places that would be covered up by clothes. And when he lost his job, I would catch him sitting outside my job sometimes to see if I was walking out with anyone. The final time he abused me before I started planning my exit was pretty bad. I had two black eyes and my face looked horrible. So I called off work for the whole week and I told them I got in a car accident. When I went back to work, my manager called me into his office and I thought he was gonna ask for proof of accident or maybe I was getting fired. But surprisingly, he praised me for how well I was doing my job and gave me a raise. So at this point, I know I had to leave. I secretly went to look at apartments and signed a lease. I told my mom that we were splitting up, so she hopped on the flight. And when I took her to the apartment, me and him shared together, he was in shock seeing her. I boldly told him I was leaving, banking on the thought he would not hit me in front of my mom. I only took a few clothes and left and went to the new apartment. I think my mom sensed it was more, but she ended up buying me new furniture for the apartment before she left, and I was so grateful. After I left him, things did not get better instantly. He found out where I lived and would come knock on my door. I got an alarm system installed and always looked over my shoulder. The incident that made me leave uh Houston for good, I had gotten close to his family because I had no family there. So I still talked to some of them. My daily routine was just going to work, going home, and doing homework. I decided to go out to a club with his niece. We were around the same age that time. I was 27. I stayed the night at her in her husband's house, and in the morning I could hear my abuser's voice, which automatically put me in defense mode. His niece's husband is telling him to leave. This is his house, not for trouble. And as they were arguing, I run as fast as I can to my car. He follows me to my car, tries to bust out my windows with his fists, then starts following me home. I am in panic mode, so I go home really quick, pack a bag, and run back to my car. As I'm leaving, he is just now pulling up to my apartment, then starts to follow me. So I'm weaving in and out of traffic and finally lose him, and I get a room. I stayed there for a few days, then started, he started sending me pictures of him holding guns. In my mind, I said, this man is gonna shoot me next time he sees me. I was able to sublease my apartment and I got the hell out of Houston. It is not always as easy just walking away as people who haven't been in this situation think. Well, remember who you were before you met them. If you're listening and are in a abusive relationship, please find a way to leave before it is too late. The same person who says they love you can also be the same person who would try to kill you. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when a person tries to leave. Being in an abusive relationship does not define who I am and who I became. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a auntie, a friend.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

I am a survivor. I love you, SDK Film. See you next week.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Yo It's Ash on the mic, we out, that's the end. If you felt this one, hit share, tell a friend. Thanks for riding with me. Every take, every gen. See you next Wednesday, SDK fam. See you next Wednesday. Locking again. Ash on your air, we're talking on my friends. Thank you for visiting day one down. See you next Wednesday, SDK fam.