Mental Health: Are You Okay? The Question That Saves Lives

One in four adults will face a mental health problem each year, but numbers don’t capture the quiet part: the loneliness, the slow slide, and the moment someone realises they’re not coping. From the Red Lion & Cellar Room in Betchworth, Surrey, we talk plainly about mental health in Sussex & Surrey and why it’s showing up more in everyday life, workplaces, and friendships.

Maureen Jones, a psychotherapeutic counsellor, shares what she’s seeing more of: anxiety, depression, isolation after Covid, and that undercurrent of not belonging. We dig into early warning signs many people miss, like broken sleep, irritability, comfort eating, zoning out, and feeling emotionally numb. We also come back to one simple habit that can cut through all the awkwardness: asking “Are you okay?” and meaning it.

Our special guest Graham Dearing from Menshare Listening Group tells his story, from pushing through school and building a high-pressure finance career to hitting a point where “buckle down and work harder” stopped working. He talks candidly about imposter syndrome, unrealistic roles, trying different medications and therapies, and why empathy and confidentiality in peer groups can be the support that finally lands. We also discuss barriers to workplace help, concerns about privacy, and the bigger picture around crisis care, including NHS plans for mental health A&E and the need for proper follow-up and long-term talking therapy.

If you’re looking for support, we point to Menshare Listening Group and Sistershare across the area, and Maureen wraps up by sharing practical guidance on finding properly qualified private counselling through the Counselling Directory. 

**ADDITIONALLY since recording this Roundtable discussion we managed to catch up with Sean Orr, Menshare Listening Group Founder AND also hear the inspirational story of Aaron Delahunty, Fight Hub Felbridge and the coaching work he offers locally... added to the end of the Roundtable conversation** 

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Roundtable Featuring: Graham Dearing (Menshare Listening Group), Maureen Jones, Georgie Lucas, Iqbal Khan, Aga Es & James Tidy. Host: Clive Hilton. 

Please click on 'Send a text' above & join our Facebook group to share your perspective and suggestions for future topics - Thank you for your interest! Clive.

Transcript

Welcome

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to the Sussex and Surrey Soapbox. Real viewpoints, real opinions, and a balanced conversation on the community issues that matter.

Why Mental Health Matters Locally

SPEAKER_05 0:10

Sussex and Surrey Soapbox, and we are at the Red Lion Ancella in Betchworth, a lovely location, very cozy, and we are talking about mental health today.

The Numbers Behind The Issue

SPEAKER_05 0:21

So let's start with some stats. So one in four adults are expected to have a mental health problem each year. And if you throw children into that mix as well, it's one in five. So a quarter of the adult population within the year will have a mental health problem. So it's a big topic across Sussex and Surrey. Maureen, let's start with you and the people that you meet and your role in your job. First of all, explain what it is that you do for a day job.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Uh I'm a psychotherapeutic counselor and I've been doing this for some years now. I would say that those statistics, uh, very interesting that they are, probably there's a lot of people that wouldn't admit to mental health issues that are not included in those numbers. I have seen big changes actually over the last few years. I think people are the conversation about mental health is really out there now. And I think that's been a really transformative thing because people are not so afraid to own up to having struggles. And the modern world is throwing more and more challenges at people mentally every day. I see I I treat adults that uh are suffering from anxiety, depression, general disorders like that. Um I don't uh do deal with under 18-year-olds, so I wouldn't like to comment too much about children's mental health, you know, and I I would really back the um banning of uh smartphones for children until they're old in their in well into their teens.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

And there is a strong motion going through on that at the moment. And last week when we talked about education and we had the secondary school teacher talking about sen needs, that was quite interesting. But for the adults, do you feel that there's been a slight upward shift in anxiety and depression?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yes, I think there has. I think we're all under a lot of pressure these days. I mean, you know, people will say, oh, you know, people need to get a grip. We've lived, you know, we had the war, we had this, that to go go

Isolation After Covid And Loneliness

SPEAKER_00 2:17

through. But I think the main thing that really, in my opinion, contributes to um decline in mental health is the loss of community, isolation, social isol isolation. I think that's got a lot worse since um COVID. I think the working from home thing, as convenient as it might be, has hugely contributed to people's feeling of isolation and that lack of socialising that people are doing now has become a real problem. And I see that all the time. There's a there's a undercurrent, a theme of loneliness in my clients, I'd say, these days. Uh a real strong sense of loneliness and a no sense of belonging. And we've become a much more transient society, haven't we? We move people move around a lot more than they used to.

SPEAKER_05 3:03

Um and this came up in the previous episode where we were talking about isolation and connectedness of society. And just just looking at the stats here, anxiety and depression in adults, 2007 it was 17.6%, and now it's up to 22.6 in 2023-24. Yeah. So that supports what you said. And and also the demographic, West Sussex, you know, 120,000 people, that's one in six residents, are suffering with mental health issues, largely because the population's a slightly older demographic, and there are isolated rural areas, which backs up what you're saying as well.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah, as I say, I think, yeah, isolation is a huge contributory factor. And I would also say that that those figures, again, we should, you know, that that rise in the people that are having anxiety and depression. Um probably you could account for some of that in you could say that some of that is because people are coming forward and seeking help more and are uh not so afraid to admit

Grahams Career And Rising Pressure

SPEAKER_00 4:05

it.

SPEAKER_05 4:05

So there could be a it's not so taboo anymore, and particularly with men, and it's a good time to bring in our special guests. We've got Graham from the Men's Share Listening Group. Do you want to introduce yourself, sir?

SPEAKER_06 4:15

Yeah, hi. Uh my name is Graeme Deering. I've been part of Men's Share Listening Group for something like four years now. I I found it really helped me actually to uh to speak to others with with uh issues of various degrees and to help support other people. I think that gave me a lot of support.

SPEAKER_05 4:31

And do you mind sharing your story? I mean, when Moorein's talking about the issues from what you do more in in your work, there's no tick box and it's all sorted, right?

SPEAKER_06 4:42

No, absolutely. Do you mind sharing um so yeah, I mean, my background is um I went to a very sort of standard comprehensive school. I went to a regular sort of uh college. Um, even when I did my GCSEs as they were at the time, um, there was no great expectation of me to take it any further to go um advance my studies. No one in my family had ever been to university before, but uh I uh basically pushed myself and decided that's what I wanted to do. So um I did A levels, and again, half the people in my class at school, at my high school, um were really surprised that I was doing like physics and chemistry and maths at A-level. They're like, Wow, why would you even consider doing something like that? That's like really hard work, and but I you know I I had an aptitude for it and I thought I I wanted to do that, and um went on to do a degree in electronic engineering, and then indeed after I finished that I felt I could still go further and train as a chartered accountant. I um did my professional training and exams with Price Waterhouse as they were then, so you know I did very well. I went to a very prestigious firm, got a very good background and training. Even from the days when I first started on that path, um, they very much pushed it that they considered us to be the best and brightest of our generation. So maybe there was a seed of kind of expectation in building that, and I always took it as such. Um The Institute of Chartered Accounts of England and Wales have always kind of really pushed that. Uh, they expect very high standards and ongoing training, and um, you know, I I respect that as well, but it, you know, it's it's not an easy path to follow. There's a lot of pressure. Growth was always kind of like professional and personal growth was always expected. It wasn't so there's already a pattern of really pushing yourself high expectations, achieving more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed my career. I've I've I've progressed to the level of um CFO and finance director and head of finance. You know, I've I've taken on a lot of responsibilities, but I guess in the later years when those ex those uh responsibilities and expectations were grew and grew, there became a point when I just became uncomfortable with it. Took on a contract role in the city, and I always had a bit of a bugbear and uh I guess maybe you could call it imposter syndrome, or um, I always had a a feeling in my head that you know the the creme de la creme work in this city, that's where the big boys go. And you know, could I hack it in that environment? And it just turned out that the the role that I had was almost mission impossible. It was it was a a really, really demanding role. Um I won't go into details, but uh when I was at university and I struggled with something, I my instinct and my coping mechanism is always to just push myself harder and buckle down. But in that sort of scenario, it really kind of backfired on me. I was doing stupid hours, I was working weekends, and it really wasn't I wasn't gaining traction. And I did try to speak to my boss at the time and explain that you know I needed extra support and help. It just it just didn't come through. So it was kind of just well, it's your job basically get on with it.

SPEAKER_05 7:58

And in that situation, at what point did you notice that it um was unhealthy?

Burnout Warning Signs And Treatment Trials

SPEAKER_05 8:05

Because I think lots of people listening to this will recognise, you know, hard work, pushing, mission impossible. At what point do you realize, or does your body and does life start to tell you that actually this isn't serving you?

SPEAKER_06 8:19

I guess it was probably about two, two and a half months into the role, and I think it was like uh maybe a five-month uh contract, that I I started to see warning signs of myself that you know that my sleep was suffering and um my my concentration was um not as good as it should be. I started to doubt myself. Um, and again, once you kind of have those doubts and once the seeds of doubt are sown, it's it's very, very difficult to kind of backtrack and kind of compensate for that. Some people manage it and some people don't. But from that point onwards. In fact, the next role I had after that, I did a role for about a year and it was absolutely fine. Had a significant amount of responsibility, had people reporting into me, um, had extra workload added unexpectedly, and it was absolutely fine. I coped with it. Um, but from that point after that, I'm not even sure why, but um, I just had a sense that um it got to a certain point with all the jobs that I had after that, and I just got overwhelmed. Um, you know, my work history up until that point had been pretty solid, I'd been progressing steadily, and I said I'd reached a significant level, and you know, I was happy with the work that I'd done. I was confident in myself. I I'd spent a lot of time working overseas. I worked overseas in like four different countries for extended times and did a lot of travel um in my work as well, aside of that. So um it was only past this particular point, if you will, that I started to really doubt myself. And um and and from that point onwards, it was almost like irredeemable. I mean, I tried numerous different medications. Um, it's it seemed to be like when you go to the GP and say, Oh, I'm suffering with anxiety or depression, they say, Oh, what pills would you like to try? And it's not like you've got an infection, so we'll give you antibiotics and you know that's gonna work. A lot of these things are like tested and see. And again, a lot of these medications can make you feel a lot worse before you actually feel better. I mean, some of them even say the possible side effects that they'll give you a tendency that you want to take your own life, and that's really not um something you want to read on a medication that's trying to help you with your mental health. I didn't just try medicine, I tried therapy in various forms. I tried time to talk through the NHS and various private um psychotherapists as well. Um, and although that would that was helpful as well, you know, it did have benefits, it just didn't give me the answers that I I craved and uh didn't give me enough. Um, but the thing I found about men share that really kind of made a difference to me is firstly that a lot of people there have lived experiences of mental health problems, not always mental health. I mean, people have different issues there that they need support with, but mental health is definitely a key part of it. And um the power of empathy to me was was phenomenal. You know, it it's not like two people will have exactly the same problem, but you could often find, I mean, part of the process with Men Share is that we would have at the start of each meeting like what we call a check-in, and you'd basically talk about problems that you've been facing in a very safe and secure environment. And again, confidentiality is absolutely key. Um, but you know, you'd you'd see like um that different people around the room would have uh common threads that they could chime in and say, Well, you know, I'm not saying that I've got all the answers for you, but this worked for me and this helped me, and um, you might want to try this or something else. And I that was very, very comforting as well.

SPEAKER_05 11:51

And we'll come back to talk about Mentor Listening Group uh in just a moment. For anyone

How To Notice And Ask For Help

SPEAKER_05 11:56

listening at the moment who might be struggling, man or woman, what things would they notice and what would be the first step? Because I think noticing it and then asking for help or doing something different is is the most difficult start to that, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 12:12

It certainly can be. As you said, I mean the stigma is is not as bad as it ever used to be. Um and it's much more open these days to talk about mental health problems. Um, but but yeah, I mean, I think acknowledging to yourself that there's a problem is quite a struggle in itself, or it certainly can be. And you know, again, I'm not generalizing, but in my experience with men, um it's often the case that men are expected to kind of just you know just man up and grow a pair or you know, just deal with it. Um whereas you know, we accept within men's share that we're not perfect, and um it's okay not to be okay that if you've got a problem, it's much more healthy to actually acknowledge it and try and do something about it and get support rather than just trying to cope with it on your own.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Yeah, I think um, you know, half the battle i is often mental health or a decline in mental health creeps up very slowly on people. Um so it's not like they wake up one day like when you have the flu and think, oh, I feel really ill today. Um it creeps up, so they'll just find that their sleep patterns will be disrupted and that'll become a more and more of a problem. Um they may be comfort eating, they it it can manifest in lots of ways that they'll you know they find themselves being feeling very irritable, zoning out, not this really emotionally numbed things, not really connecting with people, um, feeling like they're just going through motions all the time and they're not really engaging with other people properly. And it can take a while before they realise. I mean, there usually comes a sort of often a little crisis point, or they they may have a sort of little melt.

SPEAKER_05 13:52

Like the last straw.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

A last straw, you know, something, and it can be the most silly thing that will will push and push someone over an edge. Um, and it may be other people saying to them, look, you know, um you don't seem right, are you okay? Um, and we should all do that more often, people. Are you okay? Is a good question to ask.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

And that question, both in the workplace and out of the workplace, even with friends, are you okay? And to check in, we probably don't do enough. We did more during COVID of that, didn't we? We did seem to be more gentle during that time. Anyone else from the round table?

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Uh I was

Workplace Support And Fear Of Records

SPEAKER_02 14:26

just wondering, Graeme, uh, can I ask, did your um work help you at all? Did you reach out to them in any way?

SPEAKER_06 14:32

Um, when I first started suffering, I mean, I it took me a while to actually identify it as ex as anxiety that I was dealing with because I'd never really experienced anything like that to that degree before. And initially, in that particular role, maybe it was because I was a contractor, maybe it was because I I don't really know, but um, there wasn't really much on offer there. My institute did actually offer some form of like counselling, which was quite limited. I think it was like four or five sessions, which was supposed to kind of make everything better. Um, and that was that was welcome, but again, that was very much finite. And you know, just when I seemed to be getting somewhere with the counsellor that was appointed, it was kind of the rug was pulled, and I wasn't even ethically allowed to carry on sessions with that person because they could be seen as coercing me as to take on business after after the um the sessions had been funded. So in different roles since then, I think there has been more at least more potential for support.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yeah, I would and I would say that um the problem with workplace counselling or that that kind of support they offer is, and it you know, and don't get me wrong, I think it's a it's very good that companies do that, but a lot of m men and women will think, Oh, I don't want to be seen to be seeking that because that'll be on my record now, and that's going to get in the way of my progression in a company, or they're gonna change the way they look at me. So there's a reluctance to take up workplace um help and support. Um, and I think that's a bit of an ongoing problem.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Um,

Drugs, Social Media And Young People

SPEAKER_03 16:02

yeah, I'd just like to say uh it's actually quite scary because I genuinely believe the mental health situation is gonna get a lot worse. Um obviously the youngsters nowadays, the cannabis they're smoking. I grew up I grew up smoking weed. I know uh this is not what I grew up smoking. I've seen the effects that the weed we did grow up smoking has had on my on my friends in the long term. And now I think these 14, 15-year-old kids smoking these Cali packs and everything else. Like, what's gonna yeah, give them another 10 years. Um uh it's it's a scary thought.

SPEAKER_05 16:37

Unless the parents don't care.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

Their parents probably smoke with them, you know. Like I know parents who who who have their kids sent. It's it's a it's a bad world we'd live in, man. But uh also cocaine. The price of cocaine has dropped drastically. Uh I think 2006, 2007, a kilo is about 36,000 pounds, then it went up to 50,000 pounds, and now a kilo of cocaine is 14,000 pounds.

SPEAKER_05 17:04

Wow, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

And the uses in every toilet, in every pub, in every and I've seen the effects that has had on people long-term, mental health.

SPEAKER_05 17:16

Uh, and especially children, I think Maureen, you mentioned earlier social media and the comparisons and the pressures around that, and of course, there's calls to ban uh mobile phones from from schools. We talked about send last week as well, and and and those needs. But one in four, the statistics, one in four adults over a year will experience a mental health issue. What can we do to help? What would be the call to action? Anyone struggling that might be listening to us think, you know what, Maureen, that list you went through, I tick all those boxes. What should they do about it? Do we think?

Loss And The Power Of Listening

SPEAKER_03 17:50

I'll be honest with you, I'm just trying to do the math now uh of how many of my friends have killed themselves over the years. Uh maybe ten. My friend, I'm not gonna say his name, but uh he was killed himself probably about maybe four or five months ago. And I was with him a week before, and he said, stay with us tonight. So we sat outside all night with him, thought he was okay. And no matter what advice you give, is never the right advice. Uh because when you look back at it, you know, but what can you do other than be there? A week later he took his own life. Uh another one of my friends, he came see me. I didn't realise what was going on, but it was just odd how I haven't seen him in ages, and he's just like, Oh, where are you? Where are you? I'll come. I was at work. He was like, Look, I'm coming to your job. I was like, okay. I only had about 10 minutes to chat to him, and then yeah, a week later, uh, he's hung himself. It's it's uh it's uh what what can you say to someone in that position?

SPEAKER_05 18:53

It's never the right advice, never like and sometimes it's not the advice, it's just listening and being there and supporting and coming back to your thing, Maureen, of just asking, Are you okay? Anything I can do, and just being as you did, it but you did a brilliant thing, you stayed there. Yeah, can you stay with me? Yeah, you did your best.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

And I think sometimes, you know, um when people people do perhaps sometimes say will say to you, Oh, I'm not feeling too great, I feel really miserable at the moment, or I feel really down. And it you need to when someone says that you need to not butt in with, oh I know, yeah, if you watch the news, it's we're all really depressed, aren't we? And and not belittle what they're saying. Because sometimes when someone says that, they're telling you it in in all seriousness, and they they mean much more than yeah, they're fed up listening to what's happening in the world, you know, it's it's not to reply with, oh, I feel bad too.

SPEAKER_05 19:52

And dispelling it, dispelling it.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

And I think we can be a bit dismissive sometimes, and so watch out for that.

GP Support, Medication And Talking Therapy

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Um, but I would say to anyone, just start talking, just talk to someone, um, and go to your GP. And and I would say that there is a time and a place for medication. Um, sometimes you you need to take a bit of medication to calm you down before you're in a position to start engaging with counselling, even you know, because people do get in such states. Um and it does have its place. And and you you know, you might have to experiment a little bit, but of there's a lot of people that really couldn't function without some of the medications they're on. So don't dismiss that entirely, don't don't have a closed mind to it. But alongside that, you need to be talking, I think. And um, you know, and unfortunately, the NHS tends to offer CBT six weeks courses of things. Um, and sometimes, you know, I've had clients that c have been coming to me for years, and perhaps that's because I'm not good and they need to keep coming.

SPEAKER_06 20:54

But they you know maybe it's because you're very good.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Uh well that they they have learned that it helps them just to keep talking all the time.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

And quite often with these situations, there isn't a quick fix, it lasts years. Yeah, absolutely. Three steps forward, two steps back.

SPEAKER_06 21:10

That I'm completely cured or that I'm over it, or I don't have those ideas now. I mean,

Divorce, Housing And Rural Isolation

SPEAKER_06 21:14

literally, like this week, I spent the last three days in bed, and today's the first day I ventured out for almost out of my flat for about a week. And what you were saying about the isolation really um hit home as well. I mean, I got divorced uh about a year ago, last December, um and that was really hard, and you know, we sold the family home, and um I moved in with a friend in a flat, which turned out to be a complete disaster. Um, but I through that I I ended up moving in with one of the other residents, and it was been really difficult for a time, but we we found a place together um as part of this kind of big rented property. Um but now I'm in a situation not by my own design, but I'm in a Little sort of flat that's kind of annexed from the rest of the property. And my landlord said to me that he doesn't want me in the rest of the property. And it's you know isolated me. And if I'd known that before I moved in there, I would never have done it. At the time, I had a friend who was also living in the property, and we ate all our meals together and did a lot of stuff together, and that really helped. But as of last weekend, he's moved off. Uh he's gone to live in the US, uh, kind of at short notice, and um, yeah, I really miss him. Um, and I I do need to take responsibility and find more social outlets, but yeah, I mean I'm in a very rural area in a in an isolated room. And uh, you know, I I feel that. You know, I definitely feel that I'm very much a social animal. Um it's not like I don't like my own company, but I'd rather choose to be in the company of others rather than on my own.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

And thank you for coming along today, especially you've had a difficult few days and coming out and meeting the round table and sharing your story.

SPEAKER_06 22:58

This is almost like a form of therapy in itself. I mean, again, with with Men's Share, like um, I mean, obviously, this isn't a um a restricted or private or confidential forum. It's it's open, and I'm more than happy to share my story in the hope that it might help other people. And again, that's part of what Men's Share provides, but in a much more confidential and safe space, yeah. I mean, um, just kind of talking about your problems is is can be therapeutic in itself.

Menshare Listening Group Explained

SPEAKER_05 23:25

Um, Men Share Listening Group, uh, Horsham, Hayward's Heath has just started up, also East Grinstead, Crawley, right across the area here. Yeah. Tell us more about Menchair Listening Group.

SPEAKER_06 23:38

So um, I can't honestly for the life of me remember the name of the guy that kind of prompted Sean to start up this group, but there was um, I think actually I think his name is Mike Dobey in Crawley. He was a prominent musician. Um, and around the time of COVID, his outlet, which was kind of working with young bands and promoting music and playing a lot of live sets, kind of really got restricted. There a lot of places had lockdowns and he just couldn't perform or couldn't get to meet up with these people, and that really affected him very badly, and he had no outlet to kind of voice his concerns or his his feelings, and he ended up taking his own life. And um I think it was in direct response to that that Sean decided that we kind of really need somewhere or a service that will actually listen to people's problems and hopefully prevent some people from taking that step. Um, I mean, by no means are we uh emergency service, although you know sometimes Sean gets the brunt of it and um people call him up in a crisis situation and he has to try and deal with that the best that he can. Again, there's almost every night of the week now we're running a group somewhere. In Crawley we run twice a week, so I think it's like five nights a week. We're we're actually running groups now. It's it's amazing. And you know, we have expanded significantly in the time since starting off in Crawley. Um, and it is a very, very valuable and respected service. They've won a number of community awards, and they're very well respected by the local council, I think.

SPEAKER_05 25:09

Um and the format really works. I mean, we've interviewed Sean before met many of the men that have been helped. There's a non-judgmental space uh lived experience. Yeah. Uh, if you're listening at home, check them out. Google Men's Share Listening Group. There's also a sister share.

SPEAKER_06 25:26

I was gonna mention that as well. Yeah, there is a sister group, literally no pun intended, that uh runs alongside Men's Share for the support of women. Again, my experience and I believe Sean's experience is that men and women tend to have different problems, and we feel more comfortable talking about problems with uh groups of their own gender. So it's not like we're trying to eliminate uh women, or but they just find it more comfortable talking about their problems in groups of women. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:53

Brilliant. Um

Mental Health A&E And Crisis Havens

SPEAKER_05 25:54

now, how do we feel about this? The NHS apparently uh have come up with this new idea of creating some mental health AE units across England. Do we feel that that's a good thing or or an initiative that actually won't bear any fruit?

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Oh, it's got to be a good thing. Definitely got to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_05 26:12

And to take the pressure out of normal AE and and to give the services and the Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

I mean it's a health emergency, whichever way you look at it, isn't it? Um your well-being is a great risk. Um, you know, if you cut yourself badly, you go to an A and E department. So to have a somewhere you can go and and when you're feeling desperate or low, um I think that's a great step to the case.

SPEAKER_05 26:34

Because quite often A and E wards aren't aren't able to help necessarily and they wait for the following morning to put people into a Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_06 26:43

Yeah, I've been on the receiving end of that. Um I've actually um been to what I believe is something very close to this uh AE for mental health in in what they call the havens, these um these organizations that run from certain um psychiatric hospitals uh around I'm not even sure if it's national, but certainly around the southeast. I know there are quite a few. And you know, I've I've actually been to three or four on different occasions when I was at times of crisis. And um from my own experience, I believe that uh the process to actually gain entry to one of these facilities is now much more strict. Uh used to be that you could actually request from the um the paramedic or the ambulance service that you'd actually go there rather than be sat in the likes of East Surrey Hospital in a in an environment which really wasn't conducive to um support or relaxation or support, even. Um so yeah, I mean um probably in the last six months I was in a situation where I was in crisis again, and I was in East Surrey hospital overnight. I really wasn't a pleasant experience. I barely slept, it was very uncomfortable. Um, and again, you're in a room with probably or not even in a room, just in a uh segregated area within the A and E ward with about 10 other people that are all feeling very, very, very low that they want to take their own lives. So it's probably not the most um supportive or helpful environment to be in when you're feeling that way yourself. But um, you know, I I appreciate that the uh the NHS is overstretched, and um but yeah, I'm interested to hear about this this AE for mental health. I mean, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it does kind of follow along the lines of these havens that I've that I've been uh kind of witnessed and experienced myself.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Graham, I noticed you've got a uh logo on your sweatshirt which says Men's Share Listening Group. Yeah. Do you find you get approached by chaps? Do they come up to you and and and they're in you know inquiring because they maybe have their own m mental health problems and they just want to uh to to you know to talk to you about what you've got on your front of your top.

SPEAKER_06 28:57

Yeah, sometimes. I mean, to be completely honest with you, I don't wear this sweatshirt a lot when I go out in public. Uh I I certainly wear it at events that I've helped Men Share out where I've supported Men Share. Um and there have been selected occasions where I've worn it on like personal um like nights out, but as a general rule, I would be quite wary of kind of wearing this in um just like randomly in public. Although again, um I have a kind of a similar shirt, which is uh from a group called Live to Live, um, which says basically I think it's from my t-shirt underneath, but it says basically like um the world is a better place for having you in it, that kind of message. Um and and I I I probably wear that more. Um, and I have been kind of approached about that in the past as well. But um, yeah, I mean I I would I would expect that people would kind of approach me and um again, there's information on the back about our groups and uh says like stop me and ask me about it if you're interested. So it is definitely designed to kind of call attention and promote us.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

I know that that um mental health is a is an issue within the building trade because uh it's a a a macho environment, and I think that there's you you can't be seen to be having any weakness around that. I know that that's um that's a big issue, isn't it, to to get chaps actually talking from from that sort of industry. It wouldn't surprise me.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

What a mental health ANE will really be. Is it like a a regular A when you need urgent treatment? You you you're seen promptly, you're treated probably, then you're you're seen. The help is provided there and then and you go out. But really, uh people suffering with mental health issues, depressions, anxieties, and so on do need continuous care, like uh people around the table have said, sometimes for years. So I it instead instead of those AEs, I'd rather see more money uh to fund uh talking therapies, which aren't that that long in the first place. They don't they don't give you that many sessions to begin with. People go private, and then you know, the the cost of private therapy sessions are prohibitive for most, especially right now, especially in the cost of living crisis. So I I it is an idea. Brilliant that somebody had an idea, but I'd rather see more money towards uh talking therapies, towards continuous support for people.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Well, I would hope that the um these emergency centres, I would imagine a part of what they do will be a signposting role, you know, that they will speak to people and they will signpost them on to s the sort of specialist care they need. Because let's face it, mental health covers, you know, a huge gamut. It could be PTSD, it could be it can be all sorts of different things that will bring someone into into crisis like that. Um so I'd really hope that there would be uh uh it wouldn't just be patch them up like like in the normally and in off you go. I mean that they will get in touch with the doctors, that they will there will be some serious follow-up for these people that go that attend these um clinics. I would imagine, I would really imagine that that will be part of it.

SPEAKER_05 32:15

Let us

Finding Safe Help And Qualified Counsellors

SPEAKER_05 32:16

know your thoughts on this episode. It's a very sensitive topic, uh, and it does matter. Everybody around this table knows someone that's suffered with mental health either in the past or currently. If you at home are in that position, check out some of these services we've mentioned, particularly Men's Share Listening Group and Sister Share, because it is that first step, getting over that threshold, it's non-judgment, and come and talk to people that have been through a similar situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Could I just say that if you are listening to this and you are thinking about seeking some private counselling for yourself, please do that through the count look up the counselling directory online and because then you ensure that everyone on that site is properly qualified. Because in theory, anyone can advertise themselves online as a counsellor, and uh yeah, there needs to be some legislation about that, but that can happen, and they may not be qualified. So make sure you go through a proper channel, and the counselling directory is probably the best route, and you'll find someone in your area and it'll tell you a bit about them, and read a read quite a few, look at the counsellors because every counselor has a different approach. Um, so it you know doesn't fit all. Counselor doesn't fit all. So do your research, see who you think you might be able to engage with, and um and if you go, don't be afraid to change to a different counsellor if if you feel they're not quite right for you.

SPEAKER_05 33:42

Brilliant, and we will get Sean Or on the programme um because they also do amazing work with schools, so the preventative work with youngsters.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

Could I just ask one last question?

Funding, Free Sessions And Nature Weekends

SPEAKER_02 33:52

How is it funded? MENSHER.

SPEAKER_06 33:54

Um, it's a CIC, so um we don't actually get money as a charity, but we do various fundraising activities. So yeah, I mean we're effectively self-funded. We don't actually run a business or do any services for um pay per se. It's it's generally we we do specific activities to raise funds. And do you have to pay when you go to a session? No, absolutely not. That there's no charge at all. Um, and also again, Men's yeah, um, I'm not sure if Sister Share do. I think it's literally just Men's Share as far as I'm aware. But they run these like nature weekends as well, where you actually get out of the urban jungle and um, you know, go and spend some time in uh very relaxed surroundings and they run specific activities to help empower men and overcome some specific obstacles. Um and those are very, very powerful and transformative as well. I've been lucky enough to be on both the um receiving end as a participant and uh like a leader of those weekends as well. But they're they're very, very powerful as well. So definitely worth a look.

ADDITIONAL - Hear From Sean Orr (Menshare Listening Group Founder) and Aaron Delahunty

SPEAKER_05 34:57

So from the red line and cellar room here in Betchworth, thank you very much. Cheers, Graham. Thank you, Maureen. Thanks, Aggar, Georgie, James, and Ikbel. Very interesting topic, mental health, no doubt. We'll revisit this. And uh, hopefully, if you've listened, it's made a bit of a difference. Do get in touch with us, let us know your thoughts on this topic, and we'll get back to it in the coming weeks as well.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

Thank you very much. Enjoyed this podcast soundbite. Catch the full conversation now. Surge Statistics and Surry Soapbox available on all major podcast platforms.