Integration & Permission

What does it actually look like to grow… and then live in that growth?

In this episode, we’re talking about choosing alignment over approval, even when it costs you something. Because sometimes growth means losing people, old versions of yourself, and the comfort of being who everyone else expects you to be. And the truth? The right people stay.

We open up about what it feels like when others notice your change and how your peace can make others uncomfortable when they’ve only known your chaos. We talk about giving yourself permission to grow (yes, consider this your official permission slip), and also holding space for the reality that it’s okay to not be okay in the process.

We also get real about social media pressure, comparison, and why protecting your peace might look like hitting unfollow. Plus, we’re simplifying life in small ways, from baking bread to letting go of unrealistic expectations.

And because it’s us… there’s a moment about very white ankles that you won’t want to miss. 

This episode is vulnerable, honest, and a reflection on everything we’ve learned about ourselves as we wrap up month two of this podcast journey.

Remember, you always have a seat at our table! 

Love,

Ash and Chess

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey y'all. Welcome back to Did She Just Say That? This is episode seven. And we're wrapping up the month of March, which seems crazy. Is it seven? Yeah. I thought it was eight. Eight. I'm kidding. It's eight. Yeah. It's eight. Um, I mean, I know. Real talk.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

It's March. It's bedtime.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

I was gonna say faster bed. No, that too. Yeah. That too. Um, so welcome back. We are wrapping up the month of March and we're just touching on a few, what, three topics this evening to wrap up our month of becoming and what it looks like to just declutter and do some mind work, get out the old um we had just a few more things that we decided we would talk about, so that's what we're doing. Yeah. Yeah? Absolutely. I am Chesson. And I'm Ashley. And if you want to catch us on all the things. All right, here we go. Get a girl. See if I can do it. Yep. You can join us in our communities on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And you can stream the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube if you want to watch. And now a heart radio. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

It's a really bad heart, and I'm really awkwardly sitting close to the mic. So I was trying to do a heart.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yeah. Oh, I got you. If you're not watching, you're not gonna understand this right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

We just made it at heart. You know, heart for that heart.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

So yeah. Did I get them all? Did I get everything?

SPEAKER_03 1:43

You did awesome.

unknown 1:44

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Thank you. Switch a little bit. We've been growing on different socials, and I'm like, I'm about to make a list, like on the cheat sheet on the side. We're gonna have to get a little bored. That's the side.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

We're good right now. We're good.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

All right. So yeah, we talked um the first couple weeks, um, kind of the discovery and the you're in it. And I'm thinking today, you know, we've integration and permission. It's kind of the your it's kind of the phases, if you will.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

And so um and and hoping that it leaves you with more of a hope and empowerment because when you're in it and you're going through it, it's like you're digging in.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Well, yeah, and you don't see the light.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Exactly. And hopefully with kind of on the back end, seeing the light, seeing the um, you know, with the future kind of pushing through the mud a little bit and getting closer to the end. Um but yeah, choosing alignment over approval um is important. And I think that, you know, there's go ahead. I was just moving. Were you just breathing? I thought you're gonna say something. Um choosing alignment over approval, but also, you know, you're going to probably lose people along the way or you're gonna people are not gonna be cheering as loud or cheering for you anymore. Um, but don't let that stop you from pushing through because the people that care about you will love you in whatever phase of life you're in.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Absolutely. And if they're not, it doesn't always mean they're not your people. Sometimes it's like wow they're doing the hard work and I don't have the strength to do it. So I'm just gonna be quiet. Great. Um and we immediately wanna go to the negative of why aren't my people cheering for me? And I get that. Your people should cheer for you. Sure. But sometimes it's too hard on them. It's just too hard. Yeah. So give a little grace. You're doing this for you, not for anybody else.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Yep. You're gonna hear you've changed instead of that being an insult to you. Uh you're right, I have changed.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Do you want to share a little moment of that? Enlighten me. What are people seeing in you these days?

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Um hmm, yeah. A little more calmness. So I was telling Chessin, like I'm hearing, are you okay? What's wrong? And I'm out of this like performance and like hyperphase because I feel like I had to meet a certain energy and I'm kind of just I'm showing up present and calm and cool headed and uh I think it's throwing people off. I don't know, it's throwing myself off.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

I will tell you that uh I have to remind myself that you are getting comfortable in your skin and in your body. Yeah. Because sometimes I'm like, oh, she's off. And I'm like, actually she's not off, she's on. I'm on, yes. And it is so beautiful. I loved I mean you were you were hype girl. You were always and you still are. Sure. That didn't you haven't stopped that. But there's just a new calmness that is showing up and it's I don't want to say funny. Um it's undeniable one for sure, but it's also there's a brightness about like a new little glow. Or actually it's not little, it's there's just a different glow. Yeah. I think yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Yeah, I'm trying to embrace it myself. I I I I I feel good. Um but yeah, it's good. But uh trusting the path forward.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

And that can be so hard.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Absolutely. Like that's the you do all that work and then like the doubt will creep in.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

Exactly. But something that really came to mind that um we both were like, oh, we like that, is the permission slip.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

It's giving yourself permission to grow and embrace uh this new becoming. And so you will outgrow others. You will not always be accepted or at first, you know, but still push through. Uh embrace.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Give yourself the permission to do the hard work. It may you may have to miss a n outing or a night in or a fun activity because you're mentally exhausted because you've been putting work into you. And that is okay. But give yourself the permission. Some people call it selfish. I don't I think that it's um a very important boundary that you have to set with others, but I think it's very important to give yourself that permission to invest in yourself.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Yes. Yes. And rest when needed. You know, there's that you mentioned earlier, that mental when your mind is going, it's it's exhausting in its own way. Yes. May not be a physical exhaustion, but it is it is it will definitely make you tired.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Oh yeah. So you can't form words sometimes because it's like I've used every word that I have and my brain cannot think anymore.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Yeah. And it's okay to not be okay sometimes. And I think that I know that's kind of like a cliche like phrase that I've heard before. But I feel like I I can see that. I can feel it. Yeah, yeah. I can feel that now.

unknown 7:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

Listen to your body, whatever it needs, uh just and if it that's rest or that's one example, but if you need to move, if you need whatever your body needs, listen to your body because you're when you're doing inner work, you're outer. It's it's gonna you're gonna feel itchy and you're gonna feel like yeah, it's gonna be uncomfortable, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I had a girlfriend, um we went skating this weekend. I said no to that, remember?

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Yeah, I know, I know. You did that was a mental day for me. I was not upset with you at all.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Thank you. Yeah, of course. Um, it was so much fun. If you are in the Louisville area, they do adult skates once a month. Now we were not expecting the crowd. Yeah, uh, we had to park two parking lots away from the skating rink because it was so crowded and it was not amateur night, let's just put it that way. We they were like dancing and like it almost looked like a conga line and they were like moving and like their skates were moving the same way. Um, I was holding Sarah's hand the whole time. Okay. We we we mm-hmm. Um but it was a great time. So if you're in love, well, you need to check it out and get on their website and see when they have it. But it was so much fun, it was an experience, and we'll definitely do it again. I love that for you all. But she and I were talking and she's like, I feel comfortable if I need to cancel with you because I know you're not gonna get mad at me. You know that if I cancel it, I need to do I'm like, absolutely, you know, and if we're going to dinner or something like that, or whatever it may be, like sometimes it's like, oh, I already had like we were going out of town, I already had someone for the dog or with people, but you there's if there's a reason that someone needs to cancel, you've got to respect that. And sometimes you have to not think about yourself. But it was so good to hear because I feel the same way about her. I have some friends who's like almost gives me anxiety that I have to cancel on them. But I just started like I don't have it in me. Sorry, I like to show up, you know, if it's something if we're just hanging out, like yeah, I'll show up a hot mess. But if it like I need me time and I gotta cancel, but it was really cool because we were both like, yeah, we are totally comfortable canceling on each other if we need to. Yep, that's that's very important, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

You know, I keep thinking about what how white my legs look right now, and um you just pointed it out to everyone switching over so you all can't see how it's embarrassing. I'm so pale right now. That is that is literally on my mind.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Couldn't stop. I'm glad you got it out.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

I feel better. Good, and now it's on not apologizing. Not apologizing. Stop looking at our ankles. Don't look at my ankles, they are pale at this time of year. Yeah, but we're starting to get some sun. Yeah, we're going to for sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

Uh so with that all of that being said, stop apologizing. Um, what do you have kind of feeding into this? Kind of what are your thoughts on this topic and um where where are we on from there?

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Oh. Well, this is a big one. Um, I think, and I don't know, let's just see where it goes. Social media pressures. Yikes. You know, you have those people that it just looks like, wow. They have it all together. Their house is always clean, they're always put together, their kids are always put together, they're here, they're there, they're ever.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Their relationship is so good. Perfect. And yeah, everything is just a well-old machine.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And if so, social media puts a lot of unnecessary pressures on people because we're watching other people. I call it the book of faces or fake book. Yeah. And not I mean, I love it and it keeps me connected with my family back home and that kind of stuff. Um, but it can be a major problem for people that are trying to do work. Yes, it can be a resource too. It's just how you use it. Right. But it when you are trying to do work and when you're working on yourself, there's gonna be times of loneliness. But it's needed, right? And it's necessary. Um, but when you're watching live, everybody doing the things and you're set at home by yourself. Um the comparison factor. That you start comparing, or the people that get on there that are so vulnerable, and I love that. I love when they do that because it's like they felt comfortable enough. They probably are either working through it or have already come over it, and then people are screenshotting it. Yeah. Why? If it didn't help you or you didn't need it, just keep scrolling.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

And sometimes it's a lot a lot of times that's your own insecurity and your right. Say it louder. Yeah, it's your own insecurity. Yeah. I'm I'll be completely honest with you, like with just this whole what we're going through and what we've been I have I have to remind myself that people are in different seasons than I am.

unknown 13:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

And if they're thriving, good for them. Like I will cheer from you from afar. But it's hard because there's this part of me going, Why am I not in that phase? Or why am I not, you know, and and that's okay. Like I have to compare comparing lives. What is it that there's like this little like old old story about um there's a a married couple and they're not home and they're looking up and they're like, We want that house, it's bigger, but always remember there's always someone else that wants your home. Like it's there's that like um that mindset sometimes because we as humans want more and we want all the things.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

I feel like there's a whole group though that is starting like it's almost like I want a more simple life. I want, you know. Oh yeah. It's today I was doing some just I have a you're gonna be shocked, I have a notebook. No. And I had started it back in December, just some of the things that like I used to love to do that I want to maybe try again to see if I still like it, or if I find something new, like I'll write it down, like, oh, I want to do this or that. And um some like we had talked about like I'd put some of my anchors, all of that kind of stuff in there. And I think I wanna start baking bread. I will I will eat your baked bread. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

But it was okay, and it was just some of the more and I I wanna hang my laundry on a clothesline out of my backyard. I'm gonna I'm gonna build a clothesline out back. I was like, I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

I'm gonna build a little.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

When I started looking at my list, it was like, oh, this is all simplifying. I mean, like, I had crocheting on there. But I taught me when I was really young and I loved to do it. I was like, I'm gonna give it a try again. That one I probably won't try until the winter. Um, yeah. But I was like, as I was looking, I'm like, hmm, I'm simplifying that thing. It's not, yeah. But I feel like there's a whole group that like are getting back into canning and yeah, you watch these girls. I mean, they're in their 20s and they're like, look at this. And I'm like, I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Bringing it all back. Yeah. The things that our grandparents or great grandparents were doing. It's like bringing those things back. I love that. I want to create a couple of things. I've always had it on my list to like learn self-defense, and like there's just like some stuff that I'm like, why am I not doing it? I need to do that. I need to make a plan for it. Yeah, I'll probably add another nut of volleyball. Always do that. Not overdoing it though. But yeah, I would love that too. But you said something earlier about simplifying. I'm obsessed with tiny homes right now. Oh. Like, I keep thinking about, I mean, I'm in an apartment right now. I would love that.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

That would be so great.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

The driveway on the side where the Chrysler is right now. We can just give that Chrysler out. There's already a concrete slab.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

I love it. But I keep thinking, I'm like, I don't have to have, I would rather have a tiny home and experience and travel and do some stuff. You'd have to put a deck up top so we can watch the sun rise and sunset. For sure. We'll have to have a little find out where the sun rises and sunsets and make sure we have like little openings for that. Oh no, like a ladder to where we can walk up there, like a deck on the top. Okay. You're not talking about like a blast. You're talking about like we're going up there. We're oh yeah. Yeah. I love that we're just going off on tangent planning our future. But you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. But social media pressures absolutely are they're huge.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah. They're and the real deal. Again, it's all about you have to like unfollow things that you find yourself that are making feel making you feel negative. Unfollow the things that you see yourself comparing yourself to. And you know, with TikTok, I'm like, why is this stuff coming up on my TikTok? I always like the funny videos, people falling, running into sliding glass doors. I don't want to hear, You wasn't worth it. You're the woman. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Oh, that's so funny. But yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

There's algorithm algorithms at you. Yeah. So yeah, just make sure that you're clean out your social media.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Yeah. If it's giving you making you feel a certain way, other than goodness and happiness and joy. Find out what the root is and what it is and declutter that. Yes. Clear it out. Yeah. What is something that you've learned about yourself this month?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I don't know. Oh. Um honestly, real talk.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

I've learned a lot this month. Went into the second month of recording the podcast. The first month was all nerves and we're obviously still figuring it out, but in our little air that we're in right now we have a rhythm. And so the those the beginning nerves are gone. Um, but it's I've been able to reflect more because it's not so much. And all of this stuff that we're talking about, like we're not just talking like, oh, here's a random talk topic, let's talk about it. We're working through it, or it's something we just worked through, or it's bringing it to our attention to work through. Well, however, you know, we're right there in it as well, in some way, shape, or form. Absolutely. And I have learned so much this month. And one of the biggest things that I think that comes to mind is I'm so quick to pick up on when I'm off. And I'm able to say, okay, slow down, take time, do what you need to for yourself because there's you have to show up for you, and there's just so many people depending on you. Um and so that has been really, really good. And just setting in the moments. Um I'm not normally the one to do that. It's it happened, move on, keep going. Um, which you push that down and it explodes at some point, but really setting in them. Um I told my mom just last night that I didn't realize a a situation from years ago um it rocked me. Like it don't it it almost took me out. And of course, you know, appealed or thought I appealed and all the things. And I told my mom last night, I said for the first time in over 16 years that pain isn't there. It's just a memory now. And the reason why she told me she said, I see you getting yourself back in a way I haven't seen you get yourself back in a long time. And there was a big root there that I just had kept pushing and pushing. I don't even know that I was pushing it down. I just didn't know how to deal with it. It was out of my control. Yeah. Um You pulled that root up, babe.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Uh yeah. She gone. Shigong. Bye. Hello.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

So yeah, there was a lot this month, but it was it was good.

unknown 21:15

It was good.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

How about you? So after we'd have our sessions and we would have planning and we talk through a lot of this and we would rec record, I would go home and something from I would sit in kind of my world and think about things that I have not thought about in years. Same situation. Yeah. And would just be sitting there and just I could feel my body like I I'm my allergies got bad. And you know, I sat there and I had a just I've had a couple of good cries this month and it's it was like a release of things that I've bottled up or thought that I had processed. And dealt with and hadn't and not fully.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Because there's different levels. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

When you are working on yourself until you get to the root. There are different levels. We you mow and you mow and you mow and you mow.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

And I know there's a lot more and I'm sure there will be more things that come through, but I'm just glad that there's been some intention and we have talked through because it I feel lighter. I feel that I'm I love that you just winked. I love that. So that was cute. But I feel that there's just like a little piece that um I know that when you put the the work in and the intention in, it's it's worth it. Yeah. And it's there it's it's freeing. So there's freedom in that.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Yeah. So it's been I hope that you guys have gotten something out of these because we've definitely um it's we we had no clue.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

No clue idea that there were some kind of suppressed things that uh how we're brought up and we're working through.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Yeah, I mean I think I and I mean obviously I knew that there was stuff, but I just didn't know and that with the timing and that it would all play out like this. Um with what you just said, what how we we we got vulnerable there and didn't realize it.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Um Well I thought I was just talking to you.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

You are. We do we are. I am yeah we're just letting anybody in the world hear it if we want to.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

It's fun. Exactly. It's like somebody having a um microphone into your therapy session.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Nice, okay. Yeah. Well, now I'm sweating. Um with what we both just shared though, this is I think a good way to wrap up. Healing privately is not a bad thing. Some people like to heal out loud, and there's nothing wrong with that. Um, for me, I don't want to let the devil hear anything that I've got going on until I'm done with it. Yeah. And then I'm gonna be like, hmm. Yeah. Um I couldn't do my leg. I wanted to I knew what you were trying to do. Yeah. That's for me, but healing, I feel like that's something that we both have done this month. Um and it was beautiful. Yeah. Because our inner circle knew what we were doing. People that we could lean on and talk or ask for prayer, or we knew or just show up, hey, let's have dinner, write you something, you know. But we didn't we didn't heal out loud. There's nothing wrong with healing out loud. Yes. But there's obviously nothing wrong with healing privately either. Um, for sure. And then you get to share the good news. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 25:09

And these are hopefully, you know, you can play these back anytime, these episodes. For sure. I think. I think for a certain time anyway. Yeah, forever. It's on the it's on the world wide web. Stays up there forever. Forever. But but yeah, I don't I'll probably end up at some point if I ever kind of get to a point where I'm like, I need to process, maybe listen to some of these again. Well, do you listen back? Ha I haven't yet, but uh I'm sure I will at some point.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Mom, I can't talk, I'm recording a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Mama Christine can talk. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Yeah, I don't like having to listen to them back when I watch them.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

So you're just going off a knowledge. But you know, I mean you've experienced kind of processing and doing this, the work. So but yeah, we are hopefully April will be a little bit lighter. Yeah. We're thinking about in some sh some fun stuff. Just fun. That's all you get. You get Lord fun. But yeah, we have we're enjoying this, and again, it it comes with enjoying m enjoying this comes with a little bit of you know hard stuff too. But I wouldn't have changed this. It's good hard. Yeah. If someone said, Would you want to do a podcast all over again?

SPEAKER_02 26:22

I would say yes for sure. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

And I'm glad I'm doing that with you. So this is the end of two. I know. That's wild.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

They say if we get to episode 10, we're Gucci.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

I know. We're close. We try to put us on seven, we're on eight.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I will not try to set us back anymore. All right. Are we good? Yeah. Is that all we have to talk about? I think so. I think that's plenty. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Just remember you always have a seat at our table.