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Modern dating? A full-blown dumpster fire with cute profile pictures. In this episode, we’re diving into the chaos of today’s dating world—situationships, mixed signals, dating fatigue, lack of effort, and why so many people are showing up half-healed and half-honest.

We talk about how dating can trigger insecurities, make even confident people jaded, and leave everyone wondering… what happened to old-school love?

But this one isn’t just roasting the mess. We’re talking healing between relationships, dating with intention, knowing what you bring to the table, and learning from every experience instead of calling it another failure.

We get into soft girl energy, independence, effort, honesty, social media’s grip on relationships, and why both men and women are feeling exhausted out here.

Because maybe dating isn’t dead… maybe it just needs people willing to show up whole. So whether you’re healing, hopeful, over it, or somewhere in between—pull up a chair and join us, because you always have a seat at our table.

Love , Ash and Chess 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Hey everyone, welcome to Did She Did She Just Say That?

SPEAKER_01 0:07

You did just say that.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

I'm Justin.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

And we are coming to you live today. Well, we don't have to know we're not live. But we're live ish. We're live. You can catch us on all streaming platforms. We're on YouTube if you want to see us. We're on Spotify and YouTube and TikTok and Facebook and all the things. All the things. So if you just go look for us, you'll find us, basically. So what are we talking about today? What's what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

We are talking about the struggles of dating in 2026.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Bum bum bum.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

It's a dumpster fire.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

That's accurate. Very accurate. Um, yeah, so let's just you're ready to jump in. We always talk about jumping in.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

You always love jumping.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

We're gonna put our toe in or we're gonna jump. I mean, I don't feel like there's a way to put your toe in. No one puts their toe in on dating. So why we gonna why are we gonna just put our toe in on dating? I feel like they do. That's what we're gonna be talking about. Oh I feel like they're I'm not touching that water or they jump in. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I don't know. There's some that likes the shallow end.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

That means so many things. Sure does. On purpose. Well played. Um we're both single. Everyone knows that, obviously, right? And uh we've both been married. Um been in the dating world for a while. Off and on. Off and on, but I mean we haven't we ain't been married.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

No, we ain't been married. We ain't been married yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Um, we get a lot of questions about this, and uh I think we've talked about it quite a bit um in different ways. A lot of it we've maybe tippy toed around or talked about in general, but there's just this huge stigma, I guess, on dating and just how hard it is and how unintentional people are. Um, and the insecurities that it brings. I just saw a video today of this girl. She was, I guess maybe she shares a lot about her dating life. I was like, I just put in some different searches in TikTok because I wanted to see it. It was sad. It was so sad. She said that she had matched with someone on one of the dating apps and they had been talking back and forth. He had asked for her number, and when she gave it to him, he then sent her like one of his social media platforms to go and look at. So she went, she looked, she was like, Oh, this is great. So she went back to message him. He had unmatched or whatever, and she was like, Well, that's weird. She had sent him a request to be friends or follow or whatnot, and she went and she was blocked. She's like, So did he see my social media and think that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough? Like, and uh, I mean, it's so common, and I was like, Oh, yeah. She's like, I just I don't know how much more of this I have in me, and beautiful, yeah, beautiful girl. Yeah, um, and I so I watched like a couple of her videos and she had like this great personality, and I was like, from one person not being able to say it with me, communicate. I was like, what's the word are we going with? Communicate, yeah. That's the basis. Yeah, she now is wrestling with insecurity, so it's like you have to have thick skin, you have to have all of these things, and I just don't think that that's how this is supposed to be.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Yeah. Well, you know, on one of the our previous episodes, I talked about, you know, back in the day they would come knock on your door and you know, like the milkman, and then you're like, you're like, Hi, you're here to bring the milk today. And there's like some flirting and exchanging, and then like you met naturally, like stuff like that, or you met at the local bar. That's where mom and dad met. My mom and dad met. Really? Yeah, club sixty eight.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

But now it's like, who wants to meet at a bar? I don't want to meet someone at a bar.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Um, it's not preferable, but um Yeah. I'd rather meet somewhere that where there's snacks. Right. I want a good snack. But you know, I've been watching Don't Judge Me, or Judge Me, it's fine. Temptation Island. I don't even know what that is. It's basically these couples and they're like four couples. Is this a show? It is, it's a reality show. Oh it's on the it's trash TV, but I love it. Gotcha. Um, I'm obsessed with trash TV. So um four couples, they are dating some of them married are in the relationship only. Some are like one year, some are five years. Like they vary, but they come to the show to go, I'm gonna test my relationship. And because they're having issues previously, but um and and in this, you know, you're watching it and some of and then they go to different different locations, they split up, and then other temptations are brought in. Some of the women and men do really good and they have to stick to their guns and they're like self-reflect. And some of them are like got a cute one in front of me, and they do things and then are appropriate and they hurt the relationship. But what I see, what I've seen, are some awesome people that were in wrong relationships, did some self-discovery and go, you know what, that's not my person. It doesn't, I know like the whole foo-foo of you know, hot people on this show and to throw everybody off and to get some views. I looked at it and was like, wow, like good for that person to realize that their worth is not that other person talking down or treating them a certain way. And they've said it many a times and it's still not heard at the end of it. It's like, you know what? I'm walking away with no one except for my you. What I've learned about myself. So anyway, just a really cool, but when you look at it, you're everyone's like, oh, it's just hot people on TV. But I'm like, there's some good there's some good stories that come out of it.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah. So I like your take on it. Yeah, I like your take on it for sure. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, so kind of we're gonna talk about a lot of different things. Yeah, but dating fatigue is probably gonna what you're gonna hear about it. Um, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

What's your favorite color? And like all those questions out of the gate that you ask.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

And I don't care what your favorite color. I mean, I do, but but it's those questions. Yeah.

unknown 7:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Like the early on compatibility. I feel like like, are we compatible a little bit, like enough to move forward? Like and you know, you talk about some of your non-negotiables and the red flags and see if those come out, and it's like I don't know, you're testing to see if I want to continue. Maybe you're talking to multiple I don't know. I everyone's different and how they approach it, but I can see where people are like, oh, awesome, this is my seventeenth person I've talked to. Like you get jaded, yeah, right? And how could you not? Right. And so I can see where you know, and who was I talking to? Someone that was like, I can't remember, but they were like absolutely no more dating apps. Like if I'm gonna f if I'm gonna find someone, I'm gonna find them naturally. And then I'm like, that's tough, but I mean, good for you. Like that's you know, it's just everyone has their own view, but I think the commonality of it is that it can be frustrating and it can be you know, at the end at the end of the day, you're left with the effort, you know, you put whatever effort it in, yeah. Is it a little bit a lot, whatever, yeah, and then it comes out as it didn't work out, and it's like I can see why people would be hesitant.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Absolutely. Personally, I I think you need to take time in between things. But we were talking not too long ago and about a situation, and my girlfriend was like, I just wish that they would have been so honest from the get-go. I was like, I get that, but look at it differently. Look at the lessons that were learned and how you came like how this person came out of what that situation brought. They there were a totally different person and knew themselves, defended themselves, stood up for themselves, and yeah, you could look at it as that was wasted time, wasted effort. But when you take when you sit in it and you it can be beautiful because you're growing for the person that is for you. Right. Do you want all of those that stuff? No, of course you don't. But you can look at the good in it and what you're getting out of that, you know, that instead of just they did this, they were wrong, you know, but yeah, that's one of the things, these new phases. So when I was doing research on all of this, they kept talking about modern dating. Well, I had to look that up. I was like, what is modern dating? Like, what are we talking about? I don't get this, um, and I think it's all about you know, it's all about how you present yourself, I do think, and what you attract. And there was one person that was talking about um, and I had to do some research because like wow, people that are calm, uh, people that are have strength, that know what they want with clear, they do attract chaos because that chaotic person feels safe and they want that in their life. But that per other person that has the peas. Exactly. And they have to like and I'm like, that there's some truth to it.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

I'm like, oh, okay, let's yes dig also the guys that post the gym pics and their shirts off, like that's not for me. Like, I don't I I mean, great, you have a six pack and you have nice abs, but like if that's for me, I don't I don't want that advertising. Like exactly it's almost as if like they're saying something. They're saying something without saying it. Like, I have a nice body, but maybe I suck as a person or my personality is not great. I'm trying to highlight my best what I have right early on.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

And if you're on a health journey and that's something that you are holding yourself accountable for or helping someone along, like I think that's great. Yeah, but I think what you're talking about is completely different. It's the yeah, and that is not the type of man that I'm like, oh, I want a guy like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Right. Now, earlier in life, maybe I would like, oh yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Uh, you know, but now I'm like Well, dating in your 30s and 40s is much different than dating in your 20s. Yes. So but the new phases. And we can talk about all of them. I'm just gonna go through it fast and then we'll break them down. There's that talking phase where you have no clue if they're talking to other people, entertaining, still mixing with their exes, you know, whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Is that going steady or is that the next one? Well, remember back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I don't think going steady is part of this new dating class. It's old school. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Well, you can still do old school, it's just gonna be very slim pickings, but you don't have to lower old school too. You don't have to lower your standards to this. Um, then you go to exclusive. You're not dating, but you're not public, and you're not seeing anybody else. Or that's what you tell each other anyway.

unknown 12:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Yeah. And then when you're ready to date, you have to do a hard or a soft launch. I had to literally research this. And that is on your social media platforms, and you know, all it so much revolves around like you have to put that you're in a relationship. You have to have there are rules, and yeah, I guess these are the phases now, instead of you know meeting someone and communicating with them and like talking about things. Yeah, okay. So that's what you do, and you know, while you're talking and you may be entertained, that's when like you you don't actually talk, you you show your fun side, you do all the fun things, and you don't like see if you actually match up. Um, like if you're equally yoked, if you want the same things, if you're just showing that fun side of yourself. Yeah. And then when you get exclusive, then you can start introducing like you know, things that you would do not with just anyone. You know, they want that marriage um benefits, but in um the talking stage efforts. Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Yeah. Um, so that's how they have the phases of dating now. Did you wants to sign up for that?

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Like physical?

SPEAKER_01 13:55

All of it. Like you know, you're you're you're doing the wifey things.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Cooking for them, you putting your money to money together.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I don't know about all of that. Well, that's marriage. The benefits of marriage as okay. Okay, you're not acting like you're married. You're no no no no, just the benefits of it. Okay, but with talking stage efforts.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Cool. Not cool, actually.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

No, not at all. No. That's why that I will not do.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Yeah. And then sorry, not sorry.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Like so, but that's where the struggles come in in dating because and I do feel like there are men out there that feel the exact same way that we do. I'm not saying that this is all against men. Please do not hear that. Actually, some of this stuff is from guys that I reached out to, like, hey, let's talk about this. Tell me your thoughts. And I was blown away with some of what I was told. Um, but that is what and that's what uh it breaks my heart because I was like, these 20-year-olds, this is what they think that dating is supposed to look like. And it's just not right, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I mean, I'm like, what I'm just what just to sum it up, bring your whole self, your true self on day one. And if you want to have conversations and the other person welcomes it, have those conversations earlier, set the expectations, communicate your expectations. I mean so many I feel like so many times people, and I'm talking about people, I can that's me included. Um I feel like a preacher saying that me too, you know. But like preach. Yeah. We show up and we're like, how can that person fit into my life? Rather than saying, How can I become the person that they need as well? Like it's a mutual benefit. Yes. And so like every time I do something now, I'm going, yes, that benefits me, but it's also gonna benefit the person that I've I'm with one day. Like all these things. So even though I'm not with someone today, I'm you know, planning and preparing for the woman that I want to be and the and the person that that they're seeking.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Right. Well, and you were talking about expectations. If you're dating with intention and you're not doing this new phase and all of that stuff, that expectation conversation should happen so early. This is what I will be able to provide out of the gate with you. And they're gonna tell you what they're able to provide, and then this is what I need. Well, this is what I need. Do does this match up? Can we provide this? Can we give this?

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Can you can I receive this?

SPEAKER_02 16:39

What's your end goal? Like, you know, and then when you're younger, there's the whole, you know, if kids are gonna be in the, you know, and there's just so many things, but then as you get older, it's like I already have the kids if you have them, and you're and you're bringing that into so it's like, yeah, I I appreciate like the dads that are on there that are like, you know, they're not showing their kids, they have them all like you know, parted out or their faces aren't shown on if on dating apps. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

The whole five days that I was on that, whatever it was.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Did it work out well?

SPEAKER_02 17:11

Obviously not. But I and then but they're like, My kids are my world. I love like they're showing that out of the gate, you know, like the this is my world.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

If they actually are if they are.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

But that's the difference in if you're dating it with intention, yeah, or you're dating in this new date, this new 2026, 20, I'm sure it was, you know, it was 2025 and four and all the others too.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Yeah, like how far does it go back?

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Right, but yeah. It is going to obviously the dating pool is going to be much smaller for you. Sure. Um, but do you want to entertain that kind of stuff? To no. Like just say it's a competition.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

You're competing with other women.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

And I'm also kind of like, if that's for you, like Well, isn't that like the whole dating app thing? Like I mean Yeah. I think that it c if it's used correctly. I think yes, you can I mean, I've had so many friends that are married to people the who they met.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

I'm so sorry, but Hanka's going to This is This is home. This is home. Yeah. Um But when you're on a dating app, you're going to have like that's what they're doing. They're swiping left, right, or whatever. And judging out the gate. Yeah. And it's I I don't know, it's the whole is the grass greener. But if you're not using it like that, and you're actually using it because you're one, you know, that's your way of dating, then yeah, it can be used right. It's just what it's your intentions, it goes a long way. Um but the expectation thing is big. And again, it depends on how you're dating. Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

You could be casually dating and and then just know what you're what you're looking for. That's what you're gonna get. And then but don't get upset if you're out there talking to, you know, five, six people and you're like, I want to f like, well, you're you're you know, yes, communication. Yeah, and you're a date.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

If you're if that is the you just want to casually date, say that. Yeah, it's okay. Don't try to casually date someone that you know is dating with intention. Right. And if you don't even want to date at all, well, don't put yourself out there. Yeah. So there and I think that I don't know if people just the scrolling of social media. I think social media has so much to do with some of how we are, where we are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Um when I hear someone, like a guy's like, I'm not really on social media, I'm like, that's so hot. Like, I love that because I know that you're not, you're probably more intentional, you're not spending all your time, yet here I am on a podcast and on social media all the time. But also like, you know, it's just you don't have to worry about about the all the thing because you're com it's always competition. You're going through your phone, there are people, there are things to compare to. So you're constantly putting that in front of you, in front of your mind. Yeah. Um it's hard.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Yes. Um, a couple of the things that I definitely want us to talk about because they were good. Um we talk about like your nervous system a lot and safety and all of that, um, and how it can be regulated and what just there's so much to it, but when someone is not consistent, your body is never gonna be able to relax, right? So consistency brings an element of safety in dating. If you are with someone and you had maybe you had a great date, or you're just getting to know each other, you've been talking and it's been great, you introduced a FaceTime and it was fabulous, whatever, and then you don't hear from them for a couple of days. Well, you're okay, you're like, What did I do? What happened? Why am I not hearing from them? And then they pop back up, hey, wanna grab dinner or you want to do that? In consistency is never ever going to build like you're not gonna be able to be have a healthy relationship. So if you can't be consistent in those early stages, what is it gonna look like? Like whenever I mean 'cause you know, once it builds and you start getting comfortable. Getting comfortable, which you know, is not always what's it gonna look like then? Yeah. And the it's okay to say if you can't be consistent, I don't want to be a part of this because that is safety.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

And boundaries. But yes. And you have you have to know what your boundaries are, what your standards are. Stick to them.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Oh, I just felt a gut punch.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

It's it yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

We are not saying these things like we've got it all under control. No. We're talking about the things we've been learning. Yeah. Or have learned or trying to learn.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Or in the process of learning.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Yeah, and with that the consistency and the safety, when it's not equal, when it's not two-way effort, if one person is all there's never gonna be an a calm nervous system. There's never gonna be stability if you feel like you are the one that is always reaching out, the one that's always Yeah. You're not gonna be okay. And they're just flying through life like everything's good.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

And they're like, if they're gonna accept that, they're gonna continue doing it. Right. You're setting a you're setting a standard out of the gate by allowing it and being okay with it and not mentioning it, m mentioning it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Oh, and I've I mean, I've been that person. Yeah. Same. Not proud of it, don't like it. Um, and there was this like almost fear of what do you say? What do you tell? Like, how do you let them know without being mean? And so there's so I mean, there's just so many different ways of looking at all of this that it can be overwhelming. And then you add in your career and your kids and the life that you have built for you, and it's just, but you have to be so intentional or just say what it is that you want. So everyone, it's just it's clear. Um, and when people are like get so excited that someone has emotional um maturity, mature, yeah, maturity. It's like, oh my gosh, they're emotionally mature. That is a baseline.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Yeah, we can't be looking at that. And and for guys too, like you cannot that's not the that's an expectation. That's that's the expectation. That's not a oh, I mean we all got a little crazy in us, but the emotional maturity is a whole different.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Is it a check mark? Is it a green flag? Of course. Yes. But it's not like that's a bonus, they're so oh my gosh, they're so no, like get to that place before you start telling people that you want to intentionally date. Or like you have to be you have to know who you are.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Would you date you? Right?

SPEAKER_01 25:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Would you date yourself?

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Like Do you take time in between?

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Would you date someone like you?

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Right. Right. And we all I mean we've talked about, you know, sometimes you just gotta take a break. Like take a break and r you know, think about, you know, what are the downfalls almost to like a spot analysis. Like what yeah, you know, and analyze w what what were the good things? What are things that, you know, and that will help you and you may not know what you want, but you know what you don't want. Right. And it's almost as if you can work backwards sometimes with some of those things.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Um you're doing it healthy and you you've dated and something, you know, it didn't work out, you take time to figure that out before you I mean, I'll there are people that what's what are they called? Um that just date constantly serial daters. Serial daters, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yeah, yeah. Um, but another thing that in all this is like when you think about dating too, um, stop competing. Like the person that you're dating is your partner, not your your um enemy or not the you know, you you don't have to feel and I'm I'm gonna be completely vulnerable and transparent now. Um I have used this lately and I don't know why I do it, but it makes but I think this is where the whole, you know, I'm trying to bring out some masculinity in myself in the sense of I'll say I don't need a man, I can take care of myself. And I'm like I find I have a job and I can support myself. That's not fair. And I talk so much about, you know, back in the day I grew up with parents where my dad worked and my mom worked for a little bit earlier in life, but she raised us kids. And so I my dad I saw my dad take care of my mom, um, pay the bills and do all the things and and that was a man to me. That was a lead leader of our family, that was the leader of our faith in our ho our home. So here I am. I really want that. That's really what I want. Well, your mama let him.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

But I also like I'm over here presenting myself like I'm fine, like I can lead my relationship, I can take care of myself, but do I really want someone to lead and do I want to be taken care of financially and you pay for the things and you do the things too? Yeah, like absolutely, because that puts me in my feminine side and I'm soft and I can be the safe place where you lead.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

And so there can't be two leaders in a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Or two followers. Or two followers. Yeah. So that's just the truth bomb that's released and it feels good.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Well, there's I'm tired of using it. Yeah. Stop. I know, I know, I know. What did you tell me the other day about the soft girl era?

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Soft girl era, yeah. Like that's what you're in right now, and I love it. It's my favorite. I don't I'm not soft right now. I'm the one that's a little bit more than a little bit control. We did. We did. I love it here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Like I don't ever want to leave.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

Yeah. It's beautiful. It's so um it's so vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

It is. But you have to be okay with Yeah. There's lots of different ways that it it can look. And you have to be okay with it. You have to be very clear. But yeah. I don't think I've ever truly been 100% in a soft fem I don't want to say feminine, but maybe um place.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Yeah. What's a safe landing spot too? Not just for you, but for someone else it could be, you know.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

For my kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

Even for you, like yes. You're sitting and you're like, whoa. I'm always in in most relationships that I have friendships, I'm always the emotional one. And it's so nice to see vulnerability from people because I'm like, I feel you. Like it's not always me. It's nice. It's nice not to be able to. I I want to be the person. Sometimes I want to hold that person and be like, it's okay. Because I'm usually the one being held. Right. You know.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

But how long did I itch and like have halves trying to get to a butt? Yeah. I mean, it but you landed, you have to play. Yeah, you have to put the work in. And but it there's so much truth in what you said, Ashley, just about what the culture has tried to switch I feel personally. Um, and men will even some men are like, well, I like a strong and independent woman, and I like and it's like because you don't want accountability?

SPEAKER_02 30:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Like, what what's your reason for that?

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Because you know that I can do it on my own and I don't need like because that to me It's like take an easy way out or taking a and for some reason we were like, oh yay, men like this. What wow? Yeah. Do do they am I strong and independent? Can I be? Yeah, I can. When I need to be.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

When I need to be, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

But if I can support a man the way that he needs to be, and I can still be strong and independent. But that is not what I want my label as.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

I guess. I don't know if I'm saying, but yeah, I I don't know. It was just something that I feel like the culture made us think we had to do it because maybe you're single and you're having to do all of the things, and that's okay. Right. But can you be soft? Can you be tender? Can you be vulnerable? Yeah. Did you just choke a little bit? A little bit. Yeah. I feel like I have a half coming out on my back right now. No, I'm kidding. Um, it's it's something that I think we need to talk about more and that as women telling other women like it is okay. Yeah. To if you want to be single, be not everybody wants or needs to be married.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

Absolutely. I've known people that have dated forever, and that's what they needed in their relationship. Yeah. And that's how they and they make it work.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

But be honest about it too. Yeah. You know, be be transparent in that because the worst thing you can do is get to a stage three, four years later and go, that's actually not what I want. And the other person's like, what? I bought a ring, like I'm ready. And so um that's why I do talk about that very early. I do. Yeah. Because I don't want to that person, you know, to get the wrong idea. I mean, literally in the first date or second date or whatever, kids is a topic because I physically cannot have children. Right. So I'm like, if you want that beautiful family that's biologically yours, I'm not your girl, and that's okay. I want that for you. Yeah. But I'm not going to woo you and put all this effort in, and you put all this effort in for then later not getting what you really truly want.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

So there will be a resentment and it won't work anyway. Absolutely. Um I I do hope that we get to a place where and our married friends say it louder. Like it is okay to be a wife, it's okay to be this for your husband, because I feel like uh being single, either's this pull and tug of am I supposed to be strong and independent? Am I supposed to be soft? Am I like and it's just so I mean it it takes work. You have to do the inner work, obviously. But when you have people around you that are supporting you and cheering you on and doing it, and it doesn't look you're not weak. That does not mean that you're weak. No. That actually means that you're extremely strong. It means that you can have self-control. There's so many, and you can look at a situation and observe it and not have to give your opinion, but still know exactly what decision you need to make.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Absolutely. Well, you know, when I think about leading, that's decision making all day.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

So, and and I think like maybe guys, girls, you know, either either way are hearing this and they've been in this fatigue. Um and they've been in this world and and gone, I just need this is what I want, this is how I want to portray myself, this is who I am, and not pretending to be something else, because when you pretend to put yourself out there as someone else or something else, you're attracting the wrong person.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

And so, and that's we talk a lot about dating potential. You know, we of course everyone put their their best foot forward, and then you create this person of potential person, and then your expectations are just never met. And then guys don't feel then that they're ever gonna you you are asking for so much. I'm never gonna meet your expectations. So I don't know. I I want to look at dating as a beautiful thing again, and I don't know if I'm there yet. I mean, I'm probably a little jaded and frustrated and as most people are too in the whole process, but I do wanna I want to when I'm ready to be able to be intentional and hope that I'm attracting the the things that I'm really wanting to, you know, in someone. So you attract what you put out there. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

Yeah, and for sure.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

So I know it's been a great topic and it's a burning topic.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

I didn't realize how much is being talked about. Doing some digging around for the it was it was sad. I'm not gonna lie. Like it was sad. And every once in a while you'd get like this cute story of like I put in the work and I took the time for me and this is what and it's like, oh that's beautiful, like keep sharing that, you know, because it gives those who are wanting it hope, but a lot of it was just and a lot of it was from dating apps that just the insecurities that it brought and I don't know. Yeah, but that's our thoughts.

unknown 36:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

That's our thoughts. So if you are out there dating, uh hopefully there's some hope.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Hopefully there's some hope. Hopefully. Hopefully hope. Love, love, and hopefully hope. Love, love.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

That's great.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

And use your words.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yes.

unknown 36:24

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 36:25

All right, well.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

That's it. That's a wrap.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

That's a wrap.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Wrap her up. Wander up.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

Wander up, Leroy. What is it?

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Uh what is the one? No, wander up, she's pump oh, that's the pump and mum. But what is the one that the girl says? You're done. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, you're done.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

It just says wind it up. Yeah, wind it up. You're done. Like Josh. And then probably Larry would laugh at that one.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Oh, yeah. Oh, punk and well.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Experts on dating.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Oh not at all.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Just kidding. Just kidding. Good job, sis. Good topic. That's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

We did that together.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Oh, every time. Yeah. Every time.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Remember, you always have a seat at our table.