Best Friends or a Liability: You Decide

In a world where friendships can feel surface-level, temporary, or transactional, we're pulling back the curtain on what genuine friendship has looked like in our lives.

In this episode, we dive deep into the kind of friendship that doesn't hide the messy parts, keeps showing up through every season, gives grace when life gets hard, celebrates wins without jealousy, and provides a safe place to be fully known. We talk about the highs, the heartbreaks, the healing, the laughter, and all the life we've walked through side by side.

We also explore why some people have never experienced true friendship, the barriers that can keep us from authentic connection, and why community is so important for growth, healing, and living out our faith. Through it all, we share how pursuing Jesus together has strengthened our friendship and shaped who we are.

And because no episode about our friendship would be complete without some fun, we wrap things up with a game full of questions, inside jokes, favorite memories, and all the little things that make our friendship what it is.

Whether you've found your person or you're still searching for meaningful community, this conversation is for you.

As always, remember—you always have a seat at our table! 
Love, 

Ash & Chess

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Hey everybody, welcome to Did She Just Say That. I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

And I'm Jess.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

And welcome back to our podcast. We have a really good topic to discuss with you guys today. Also catch us on all streaming devices. I say that every time. Do you? Platforms. Yep. Streaming platforms.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Yeah, on your device. On your device.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Yes. Not streaming devices. Anyway. We are also on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. And you can watch us live on what do you call it? Um YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

You can see all of it. We're batch we're wearing matching suits today. So if you want to see that, you need to go to YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

And it wasn't on purpose.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

No. This is what I pack. She got really excited. I did. I was like, ooh, match. We had the same vibe going today. Yeah. So what are we talking about today, sis? Friendships.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

But our friendship. I love that. Yeah. We talk about friendship a lot and it was something that I feel like that is was the topic that won that everyone wanted us to talk the most about. Um there's a longing for friendship.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Real deal friendship. Yeah. And it's something that is missing a lot, I think. Um part of it is because of the devices that we hold in our hands all the time. But streaming devices. Ashley and I have well, it was actually today. We have kind of gotten to a We had a moment. We did. We did. And we've gotten to a place where we had the whole month planned out and we're like, nope, we're not doing that. Um, that's not our sweet spot. Mm-hmm. We had fun in April and it was fun. We liked it. Um, but it wasn't our sweet spot. Yeah. And so we wanted to get back to that. So we had to reevaluate why we did this. And um our topics are just heavy. That's what it is. But it's real and it's raw and it's true. Um and we have completely there's not one part of my life that I don't share with Ashley. And yeah, and it's mutual. And w every time that we're integrating one another into the other's life, we're always told, Gosh, we love your friendship. Gosh, we love seeing it like you two and we don't take it for granted at all.

unknown 2:37

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Thanks, sis. That would have was it?

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Alpha Alpha. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

A little little turkey feather lift. Gobble. You did. No That's what the friendship's about. No. It's gotten so much better though. I know it sounds real, says somebody.

unknown 2:56

Woo!

SPEAKER_03 2:59

If the turkey's coming call crawling, that's because I just mated crawling.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yep. I mean, it is turkey season. It is turkey season. So if you're out and then you're saying all the boys are on right now. So make sure you play that part of the podcast if it helps you get a turkey.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Yeah. Um, but yeah, so it was just something that we don't take for granted. And um we have learned and we're still learning how to be good friends.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

I mean, there was a certain thing that's been going on in my life that I was just dealing with because I felt that I would be super, super judged by it. And so I tend I just kind of held it in. And then I mentioned it to Chessin, and you were kind of like, Well, how long has this been going on? And I and I told you, and you're like, You can come to me with anything, like no judgments. And that was such a relief because I know that she's not like judgmental of me, but it was more of me being able to that was on me, if that makes sense, that I was like, Hold on, we're like, that's my best friend. Uh why would I hide anything? Yeah. And it was a release when I talked to you about it. And so you may not like it or you but you support and support always supported. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yeah. Well, and that's something for you, that particular topic, you've always kept it to yourself. Yeah. You've never shared it, and it's a hard one. That was your belly?

unknown 4:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

I thought the turkeys were coming. I was like, whoa! Was that a little gobble from far away?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

It says, come on now. Um yeah, so sorry if y'all hear that. Um, but it was something and I knew, I mean, you know how I feel about it. I don't sugarcoat by any means, but I give grace, yes. And that's part of friendship. She's not gonna do everything that the way I like it, and I'm not gonna do everything the way that she likes it, but I love her. Yeah. And that I still have to support her decisions. Um I love you. Yeah. It's it it it's hard when you see a friend in a situation that you're like, oh m sh they could get hurt, or this could be unhealthy, or this could cause harm. And that's not what I'm saying. I'm just using examples. Um, but that's when they need you the most. And that's whenever we have conversations a lot, and it's hey, do you need to vent? Or do you want my opinion? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

Yeah. And powerful question.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

It is, but you've got to be able to do that. You've got to be able to, if they just need to vent, to listen. And that doesn't mean that you go talk about it somewhere else. Um, if you need to talk about somewhere else, you go and pray about it. Right. Um, you talk to Jesus about it. But that is something that we just I don't know. We have learned a lot. But we had a little moment earlier.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

And allergies were bad earlier today. Right. To me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Um, we were like, hold on, that's what we're talking about today. We're gonna talk about how we got to this place, the work that it takes to get there, and where we've fumbled. Um, because there are some people that may even listen to us, be like, Well, that's not the friend that I got in them. And they're they're right. Yeah. They're right. I have messed up friendships.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Same.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Um but I learned from them. And just like in any kind of relationship, you do better. And that's maybe why we're so good, because where we have messed up before, we're vulnerable with one another. And like, hey, can I get some grace here?

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Yeah. I made a decision. I was like, There will be nothing that will tear us from from my there's nothing that you could do to me or that I can't speak for myself, but there's something that that could happen. Can you speak for yourself? I mean, hold on, I can't speak for you. Oh yeah. You're like, wait, what? Yes, you can. But there's nothing, I'm like, this is a this is a long lifelong thing that I'm because while it's so fun and it's so like there's so many great things, you also hold me accountable. And I'm not really I don't know if I've fully had kind of both sides of that that have been like real raw. So I don't know. I have some great friends, but there's just a this is like this podcast has been that thing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

When we say that we're like we say it, we've said it a few times, like we're learning and this is stretching us. It really we're still in it. Yeah, it really has in so many aspects of our lives and a lot of it we don't talk about on here and um real vulnerable. Didn't even tell you I was gonna do this, just but um you don't hear me talk a lot about my kids on here, and you won't because some of them don't want their life being discussed on here and I respect that from them. Um I'm sure people are pro have probably wondered like why I don't talk about parenting or my journey, and that's why. Um maybe one day that will change, and if so, we'll go there, you know, because there's a lot that I could talk about. But right now that is where we are with it. But doing this podcast, it and when I say it's helped me in every aspect of my life, it has helped me as a parent, it has helped me as a friend, it has helped me as a partner. There's not a place in my life that I don't think that where we have grown or for me personally by doing this. Um and I will forever be grateful whether this continues or it stops in two months. I don't know. Hope not, but um I'll it has yeah, it has stretched us and it definitely even brought our friendship closer. Yes. Um, because we're we're still learning about each other, which is crazy. I know. Isn't that weird? It's so weird. Um, and we've talked about like how we met. Um, so if you had didn't hear that, just the skinny on it. We lived like in the same kind of neighborhood and there was a large group of friends that kind of hung out. Ashley and I were acquaintances through them. Um then we kind of talked. Yeah, we were both married. We talked a little bit. Um, they were starting the adoption process, so she and I had some conversation there, but we still didn't get close um until we started going through our divorces. Life was life and life was life in. And we leaned. We leaned in hard. And um every part of our life since then mirrors one another's so heavily that I mean it's absolutely insane, honestly. And sometimes we're like, did that really just happen? Yeah. Because there's always whatever is happening in one, it's about to happen in the other.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

Um almost like a preview. You get that little heads up, like, hey, this is about to happen. Right. It's about to happen. The breakup's coming. That's so funny. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

I mean it's true.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

Oh yeah, it's very in sync.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah, but we started getting close and I think we really bonded over going to concerts together.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Yes. Our love for country music. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

And yeah, so it just continued to grow and build, and I mean, she's in her thirties. I'm in my forties. I have four kids. I'm hanging in. I'm hanging in my 30s like a hair and a biscuit to hair in a biscuit. I like my forties. Yeah. I think uh age has never bothered me. No ever. I'm starting to think that 50 might.

unknown 11:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

You're far off from it, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

I mean, ish. But I'm closer to 50 than I am 20.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Well, aren't we all? Well, except one. Not everybody. No. No, I don't know. Anywho.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Um, but yeah, I think 50 might bother me. We'll see. Hopefully I'll be past it then. But I like my 40s. Yeah. I'm enjoying it. Yeah, I mean the body part of it I don't love. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

But the mind is. We talked about it in the podcast on that one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

Like it's real deal. We know ladies that you're probably thinking the same things.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Everything shifts and changes and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

But the mind, the knowledge.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

It's so worth it. Like let the body go. I d at this point with the mind and the knowledge. Not if you care about it. Well, you know what I mean. Like embrace it, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

Embrace it. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah. Um I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. But alright. So here's a couple little things we'll we'll roll through and see what sh what hits. Was it an instant click or over time?

SPEAKER_02 12:19

I feel like it was over time.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

Over time. But when it clicked.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

It just clicked. Like it was yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

And then we were I would say we were acquaintances for a while. Then we were friends for a while. And then there was that turnover into like best friends.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Yeah. So I don't know. I mean, she's gone back home with me, I've gone back home with her.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Yeah. Um I've met your hometown friends, you've met my hometown friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Well, and being an implant like here, we were talking about this, like back home. I have my friends. Here, it's different. I have all these different groups and they don't really intertwine. Mm-hmm. But I think I only have like maybe one or two groups that you have not integrated into. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

That one last night. Yeah. Yeah. You did. Yeah. You did. It's fun.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Great group. That was that's a great group. Um, but I've never had someone that and I think that's part of the closeness, like every part of life we do together. Yes. Um, she's a part of my kids' life. It's yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Um I mean, my sister-in-law is your sister-in-law.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Right, my sister-in-law Melissa.

unknown 13:30

So funny.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

I'll never be able to just say Melissa.

SPEAKER_03 13:33

No. Ever. And she'll never be able to say Justin. It's my friend Justin. Because there are so many out there, and I have to I have to forefront that one. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of us. Especially in our circles. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Yeah, the integration's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

So what do you think made it different for us? What different? Like the friendship for it to be what it is, the bond that that there is between the two of us. Um what do you think made it different for it to click for us?

SPEAKER_03 14:06

I think as we got the trust building over time allowed me to go, there is nothing that this girl can see that you would think anything differently of me. And I think that I've probably held that off on some people that I've may have seen they were sweet and we're friends, but I see how they've talked about maybe people and I I don't know. It's that like who's talking about you at a table when you're not there kind of thing. And maybe it's because I was probably ashamed or I didn't want to share that. Now I'm more accepting who I am. So I think all it's coming to fruition. But I think that I just had trust you. There's a level of trust I have with you that I've not had with any other friends, really.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Yeah. I do think it's every time I feel like sometimes we're like, oh, we met and we instantly knew we were friends. I have friends like that that I was like, Oh, I'll just adore this person but it hasn't evolved into because I think it takes time. And honestly, like you gotta you gotta have an argument.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

Yeah. You gotta know how even when you're date like that, I feel like I put those two together. It's a relationship dating, it's a relationship. You have to go through something hard to know how to work through it together because there's communication and friendship just as there is in relationships. Yes. Romantic, non-romantic, whatever. You are spot on. You have to go through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

You have to. Um, I think that was a big turning point for you and I whenever we had that argument. Yeah. Because one, we both realized that we didn't want it to break us.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

And two, that even through the hard things, we're gonna work through it.

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Like, you know, sometimes like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that. I'm just gonna ignore it and be done with it because I don't wanna have to go there or take responsibility or whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

Especially two women that have dealt with abandonment in life.

unknown 16:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Um like I won't abandon you, and I I can say that. Like, you know, that's powerful.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

That is one of the things when for me that said when what made the difference when I was thinking about that. You always show up. And I never have to worry about that. Because there are friends that I love but I know they're not gonna show up.

SPEAKER_05 16:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

You have never not shown up. I literally called this girl one day and I said, Can you be ready? And her response was, I'm putting my shoes on. She had no clue what was going on.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Well, I didn't know what state we were going to. I thought we were well shoes we're fine without choosing Kentucky, but where are we going? Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Mom just in case so true. Yep. She didn't ask a single question. She well, you did.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

You asked if I was picking you up or if you were picking me up.

SPEAKER_05 17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

No clue. But she showed up.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And she always does. And when there's times where things have gone south for either one of us, we uh and I'm gonna cuss, sorry, we own our shit with one another. Yeah. And I've never ever felt safe enough to own my part of something that it wouldn't be used against me, held against me, or abandoned because of. And I was telling her, like, our friendship has helped me know how to do other relationships better. And it's so true because I'm like, whoa, wait a minute. What I have in her as my best friend, these are things that I also have to give and receive. Ooh. In other relationships. Um and so maybe my list of partners, like with potential partners and things that I look for, whatever, probably grown. Um, but not in a negative way, in a positive way, because it I mean, you have to be able to look at relationship, not just friendship. Um, but how it you've got to be friends with someone you want to be with.

SPEAKER_03 18:29

Absolutely be the friend that you want to have in the other person. Like, would you be your own friend?

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah. And honestly, this because this topic has been asked for us to talk about so many times, there was part of me that was scared to talk about it. Because not because of Ashley and I, because I haven't always been this friend to other people. And so when they're hearing this, they're like, like I said a minute ago, like, well, I didn't get that from her. You're right, you probably didn't. I also wasn't where I am right now.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Um, but I have other friends that I'm close with, you know, and you know that I have childhood friends that but they're we can do everyday life together. And you know, when we when I moved here, I still held my friendships back home really close and almost to a default for myself because I wasn't willing to try to build friendships here because I didn't want to lose those friendships because they were my person, my people. And with years gone by, I mean, gosh, I've been here for 21 years now. So crazy.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

You've been here long enough to drink in years. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Okay. 21. You're right. That's my first.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Yeah, you're right. That that is correct. I'm old enough to drink here now.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Just the things that fall full out of my mouth. I'm like, that's okay. All I can think about is I think there's chicken poop on the bottom of my mouth. And we don't edit, and that's okay. That is okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

If we say it, you hear it. But I have had to put those friendships in their place. They still hold so much value to my life. But we can't be in our everyday life because they're miles and distance between us. Um, and I have one girlfriend that she was like, it's hard for me to see you have your other friends. And the person's like, What do you mean? Because I love seeing you have your friends, but I also get it because it's like there is a there's a part of us that we don't get of each other anymore. Um, and that's hard. And it's hard. It's so hard, but I think maybe part of that has also kept me from letting people in too much. Um, because it yeah, hurt hurts, you know. It does hurt, yeah. Whether it whatever kind of relationship it is. So but one of the things you you have to be intentional, right? We're choosing to do life together. It is extremely intentional. Ashley shows up for my kids, like she has something going on with her family. I should try to show up, you know, just just the same, but it's very, very intentional. And it doesn't matter what season of life we're in, we're going to go through it together. You don't just get to show up for the fun, for the party, um, and something that we know when one another are off. Like, yep, it was just, I don't know, well, I think it was like two weeks ago. I was like, dear on my heart, really heavy, what's going on? And that was when she shared something with me. Yep. And I was like, Okay, there was a reason.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

So And that op that allowed me that that when you said that to me, I heard, I'm a safe place, there's nothing That you can't tell me.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

And that's like what I heard and I was like, okay, I'm doing this. I'm gonna share this with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Yeah. I know it wasn't easy. Yeah. I I I can't imagine, you know. But yeah, it you you have to be consistent, right? Yeah. And even whenever we're not, it's like, hey, I had a lot going on. You know, but grace, you know, you you have to gotta have a lot of grace. Um so good.

unknown 22:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

I mean, God gives us grace, we give each other grace. And it's almost like, you know, when you talk about relationships and friendships, why would they're not why what relationship in your life should not give you grace? Exactly. That's supposed to be healthy.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

Yeah.

unknown 22:44

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

Well and this just kind of goes right into it, why this feels so different. Because it is a safe place and we we keep a safe space. Yep. There are things that we talk about that we do not talk about in front of other people, right? Um, and that happened, like I goofed. I said something in front of mixed company that I didn't know that the mixed company didn't know. And she's like giving me the look, and I'm like, what's the look for? And then I was like, hey, okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

That's like the thing that we know. Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

And then we But we talked about, I was like, hey, now now we know, like, let's go ahead and just give like a little disclaimer. Hey, when we talk about like don't talk about this in front of anybody else. Yeah. So we now know. Absolutely. She didn't get mad at me. She didn't, you know, go and talk to somebody else about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Well, you weren't doing that in in pretense of like trying to hurt that, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:37

We were just chatting it up. Chatting? Chatting it up. So yeah, we celebrate one another. And I think we do that really well.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

Yeah. Big things to do.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Yeah. And even sometimes, like Ashley is really good about shall combine like, hey, you seem like you're in a really good place right now. I see the work that you've been doing. And I want you to know, like, this is what and it's not just a blank statement. She's like, this is what I see. And she tells me. And it's that that confirmation, it's like, oh wow, I didn't even know. But it's the big, it's not just the big wins, it's the small wins. It's the hey, I was over the other day, looked like things were tough. How can I help? That's the one thing you ask a lot. How can I help?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

You ask me that all the time. Yeah. I think you encourage me to ask it because you do it all the time. What how can I help you? Or how can I help? What can I do? And I'm always like, oh my gosh. And even if it's the smallest thing, I'm always like, prayer, prayer. And then I know that I know that you're there praying. Like so, yeah, it that it's mutual. And I think that if one does it, it it should encourage both both it should be mutual. Yeah. It should be a good friendship will be mutual.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

We've even this is not something that I have on here either to talk about, but there have been people that we have had in our lives that the other saw was toxic. And we have built something that I trust her, that she always has my best interest at heart. That if she tells me, Hey, sis, I think this person is toxic. I believe her. I trust her.

SPEAKER_05 25:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

And it's never just I know it's not out of jealousy. I know it's not like, oh, she just doesn't want me to be friends with them or something like that. Like this is a grown-up adult friendship. We don't compete.

unknown 25:34

No.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Um, but we have given each other that space to trust one another to say, hey, this is unhealthy. Or they're bringing out something bad in you. They're putting you in situations that I don't feel like you would be in if you weren't with this around this person or whatever. And we trust each other. Yeah. That and that's huge.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

Come from a good place. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Especially when you're single and you don't have a partner. You know, it's you making all of these decisions on your own, right? And when you can have a friendship that you can lean on for that kind of stuff, it's so important. And I'm pretty sure there's no man that they're like, we tell Justin Ashley knows, or we tell Ashley Justin knows. Um, no, we also have boundaries.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

Like oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

We definitely have boundaries, but it is just a non-negotiable, like and you're so important in my life though, that that is known in the front end. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

Like, and if that's not jobbing, like that's a thing for me because like we've established something, you know, and so it's like you're dating chess, you're dating me, you're dating me too in a non-weird way, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Like, you know, don't make it don't make that weird.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Don't make it weird, but like there's this establishment that I'm like, I'm and not that that's forced, but I'm like, I need this to job too, because these are both very important things. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Well, and we've even gotten to a place where it's like, hey, I've met someone, think I like them. And before we get serious, you have to meet them. Yeah, mm-hmm. Cause I went Yeah. Um definitely got it.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

I need you, I need I need confirmation.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Yeah. And not to say I mean, that has been rocky too when I mean I went toe to toe. I'm not gonna sugarcoat her. I went toe to toe with a boyfriend of not mine. One of mine. But she's like, not it. Did I overstep a boundary? Maybe. I may have, but would I do it again? Sure would. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

You had your best interests. I did.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

My best interests in your um, but we we trust each other, we celebrate one another, and this is so awesome. This is one of my favorite things. We bring one another peace. We don't do have or warrant drama at all in our friendship. Like, yeah, we don't have it.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

Nervous system right here. Like it should not it don't elevate it. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

And if we're having a rough time, like a go a bad go or something, we can get around. It's like, oh, you regulated me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

We've talked about this before. Yeah. I even think of the because that I'm look like having deja vu right now.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Because I remember going and then I read a meme that said, Do you is this all ringing a bell?

SPEAKER_01 28:42

No.

unknown 28:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

Well, if you've if you've watched every one of our podcast episodes, as you should, you would know this. But it was a meme that said, like, guys, you're not competing against each other, you're competing with my piece.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Like preach that.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

And then if it's gonna my piece is here and you're and you're or my nervous system's here and you're making it go a little mm-mm. You're not competing with each other, you're competing with my piece. And that's real functional and real healthy. So yeah. But that's the same with our friendship. We try to we really balance that out. Yeah. It's in a sense like like let's talk about it. Yeah. Let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Yeah, definitely. Peace over drama. Mm-hmm. And it is so awesome to have a friendship that there's no drama in.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

Yeah. I don't know why now it makes me want to get sweatshirts for us or hats that say it's a peace sign greater than and then like a drama, like a mask. Like a drama.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Oh, I don't want to think I'd like the drama mask. We would just have to write out drama. We'll figure it out. Okay. Okay. We'll talk about that later.

unknown 29:47

Hopefully, she'll forget.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Um still love you. I still love you too.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

All right. So we're gonna talk about some of the things that we've walked through together.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

All right. We've walked through job changes.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Mm-hmm. Parenting stress, breakups. Death of your dad. Mm-hmm. Personal growth and our faith journeys.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

Absolutely. You introduced me to an amazing church. But I'm just we even get to go to church together. How amazing is that extra it's an extra day together.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

It isn't like getting to have my kids and my best friend like right there at church. It's so because like one week it's just her and I, and then the next week it's her and I and the kids. Yeah. And I don't know, it's people think I'm an aunt or your lover. I don't know which one. I didn't think about that. That's hilarious. That is funny. You know, it's really cool. And I didn't tell you this, so I'm kind of out on it here. Sorry. Um week before, no, last week, week before last. I don't know what week it was. Ashley had had a a rough morning. It was last week, wasn't it? I've had a couple of mornings lately. Um Sunday morning. It was last Sunday. Oh, it was last Sunday. Yeah. And it was just me and the boys going to church. And on our way to church, I said, Hey, Aunt Ashley has had a rough morning. I have one kiddo that doesn't really love hugs. And I was like, I need you. Even if it's just a side hug. I was like, two arms. Can you j well and that was what was so funny. But they they they gave hugs. And of course she did call him out and say two arms, which I was cracking up. Because you had no idea that I'd had this conversation.

SPEAKER_04 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

But later that day and the next morning, both of those boys asked me, Is Ain't Ashley better? Isn't Ashley? And it's those little things like that. So sweet. That I they didn't ask what happened because then they knew I wasn't gonna tell them. Yeah. Um, but we just get to show up in one another's lives in so many different ways that I trust that I can tell those my because they love her. They love her, they love when she's here, they love when she's around, they know the importance, they know that she's genuine. So I want them to know, hey, she needs you know, she needs a hug. Just like sh they were out in the lobby and I was using the restroom and the boys did something.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Yeah, and a little combo.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Yeah, and Kayla was like, Oh, I want to do this for mom.

SPEAKER_03 32:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

And and I and I was encouraging, I was like, she would love that. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

And so he just smiled and he was so excited to do it. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

You I mean, I get to trust her with my kids' lives, which is so important to me. Um I think our of all of this, honestly, the one that just sticks out is probably our faith journey. Um, iron sharpens iron, right? Absolutely, yeah. And the way that we get to challenge one another. There are some my allergies are gonna start. That's gonna I have gone three months with no allergy attacks.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

It's allergy season, you're out. In my world. In my world.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

I knew after Rue's baptism that you were gonna be going to church with us at some point. Like I knew that in my spirit, but I would I never asked or pushed it because I that had to be between you and and the Lord. Um and then after you decided that you wanted to start coming to church with us that first Sunday, we were sitting there, and you know, when I don't have my kids, I go to church alone. Which has been good for me. It was hard at first, but it has been so good for me. But when I was sitting there and she was beside of me, and we're it was during worship, and like I could her, she had just she was in awe of it, and it was so beautiful. And I was like, Thank you, Jesus, for not just giving me a friend, but you gave me a sister in Christ. Um excuse me, excuse me. This is crazy. Um but I think that has stuck out to me the most just because a lot of times, you know, it's you're praying for that friend to join and you're praying for their heart or something, and whenever it's already established and it's already there, and then you get to do it together. Um, it's just something that you don't take for granted. And to get to sit there and after church, we get to talk about the sermon, and it's not like, oh, you know, how was church this morning? Did you what was your church about? It was like, no, we get to go deeper in the conversation because we're both rooted in the word and we're getting to hear the same word that we can then dive deeper into. Um, so it is just something that like that part of it will for I'll never ever take for granted or not give thanks to the Lord for that.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Our friendship is equally yoked.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

And I know it talks about being yoked with partners, like you know, from a romantic perspective, but I think it's important in your friendships and your other relationships too. And so we get to share that together and it's almost it's full circle now. It's there's not a spot in my life that I'm wouldn't interject you in to at any point. Right. Yeah. It's so good to have that person new life with. It's just it feels it's it's an amazing feeling because I know like in the area that I've you know, I'm not it's not like great right now, right? That that area.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

That this I'm like, this is what I need. You need like we are to be in communion with people.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

And there is just no there's n nothing that's left that I feel like if I were to be gone tomorrow, like I've I've got a great, a really great person to do life with, yeah. So yeah. And I love that I've been greening your kids' lives and I gotta see them grow up. Right. Love that so much.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Yeah. Yeah. I have here great grace plus truth plus loyalty um in relationship and why you were just talking about community. I have on here um why we need good friendships because community matters. You need to be in community. And if you are listening or watching and you're at home and you're like, I want, I want this, I want this, I want this, it does take work. It does it, you have to be consistent, you have to be intentional. Vulnerable, you have to be vulnerable, and you have to be Ashley's, I mean you I I've said this before, like I call her my sunshine. And even now that she has turned off that um I have to high energy, it's not even high energy that performance because but 'cause I know I've learned I'm not I don't have to perform to be loved. Exactly. Go ahead, sorry. No, please keep interjecting. Um at first, whenever the the Dow was going down, I kept thinking, what's wrong, what's wrong? But I knew the work that she was doing. I knew that she was getting comfortable and confident with herself. But then I had to evaluate, like, okay, so how do I do this? Like, because she's not on a 10 all the time anymore, you know, so w the level is changing, but it was in a healthy way. And those that weren't watching from the front seat, you know, didn't see it happening like I did. Um, but it there were some shifts that had to be made.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

And obviously they were healthy shifts. Um, but you have to be intentional, you have to be consistent. And if you're sitting there, like, I want this, I want this, are you willing to put in the work? Because friendships can hurt too. I've been hurt in friendship and I have hurt in friendship. Yeah. Um, so if you're not ready to be consistent, if you're not ready to get down in the dirt and walk through all you don't get to pick and choose what parts of life if you really want someone to do life with on a deep level. You don't get to pick and choose what parts of it. You have to be ready for it all.

unknown 38:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Um, and I know that I'm can be difficult. Like, I have a lot. Same. I mean, before kids, I mean all the things. Like, that's what I'm like, you sure you want to sign up for this? Like, make sure you're signing up with the person that you're okay with signing up with. You know what I mean? Picking up what I'm throwing down. Can't believe I got so allergy ish. Gosh, ish stupid. No, it's not. It's beautiful. Moving on. Um, we're gonna ask some questions. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 39:10

I'm ready. I think.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

We're gonna what's one thing that you have learned from me? And I will answer one thing I've learned from you.

SPEAKER_03 39:18

Ooh, I love that. I mean one thing I don't have to perform to be loved. You see me who I am and there's nothing just I've learned there's nothing that I could not tell you. Could not tell you, could not tell you. Yeah. It's just like you're let's bring it to the table. And I love that so much. And so I'm not I've been like an 85% kind of person. And so you've you've taught me over time, like with trust that kids can be a hundred and and it's been fantastic. There's learned so much from people.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

I know.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

So much. I was trying to like you you've also shown me the boundaries and backbone because I am the people pleasing, I am create the peace. Let's not have but when there is there it's safe that I can dabble into boundaries and I can and I value that so much. Um and it's helped me a ton to say no to things.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

Well, it's funny that that's what you say because for me you've probably helped me a lot. You have, not probably. You have helped me to show more grace.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

Instead of being so the soft curve arrow arrow is looking good on you, sis. It's great.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

Is it? Because that did not feel good. Oh, okay, thanks. Um anyway, but where you are you're saying you are getting boundaries and a backbone.

unknown 40:51

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

I'm like, okay, hold on. Because you give grace, you show, and it's like, I'll be like, Well, what about bull? And you're like, Oh yeah, but that's just and I'm like, Oh, okay. I like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

It's a different perspective. We do bring bring that to the table.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yeah. So and that's part of the whole iron children's iron where I'm way over here, she's way over there, and we've balanced each other out, which we mirror. Um, let's see, what's the next one? Ooh. What do you trust most about one another? I trust that you always have my best interest at heart.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Gosh, that's a good one. And I gotta say the best. I say the thing, same thing. Um, I trust that you'll always be there. Because I've even noticed this too, like when you're life and in life is happening and then I and then something happens in my life, like you don't go, hold on, like stop. You're like, you're still there.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

And then it's like it's so refreshing to know that it's not a one way, it's it's definitely like we can put aside.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

You have to. And that's something that I'll uh stand firm on. It doesn't matter what is going on in my life, your problem is still just as important.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

That's and not everyone thinks that way. I know. So I know. Yeah, trust that for sure.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

Yeah. Um, what is something that we do differently than most friendships? I would say that it's there there's not any part of our life that we leave out of our friendship.

unknown 42:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

And a lot of friendships is like, oh, they're the friends that we do concerts with, there are the friends that we do the boat with, they're the friends and there's different, there's not one part.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Ask it again. Ask it again.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

What's something we do differently than most friendships?

SPEAKER_03 42:46

100% true. Sometimes we think when we're gonna some people think that if they're gonna hurt somebody's feelings, but like I'm a front loader and I'm like, I'm gonna speak truth and love, or like this is hard for me to say, or I think it's more of like it's like it's here and it's here, it's gonna come out.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Yeah. What do you think makes our friendship work?

SPEAKER_03 43:15

Communication and intention. Intentional for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

And we also one thing that I think and we've done better at this lately, because for a long time everything about our friendship was just fun. And then it got to the podcast and there was no fun whatsoever. It was just podcasts. Work, work, work, work. Yeah, and we have got that balance. We've gotten this balance where okay, we haven't done anything just as friends that's not around this podcast. We need to just hang out.

SPEAKER_03 43:46

Yesterday, pure fun. Yeah.

unknown 43:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

Even though we talked about the podcast, some it was pure fun.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Yeah. I don't think we brought it up though.

SPEAKER_03 43:54

No. Um people ask for our autographs. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. They didn't. Ashley was over there.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Practice it. I was like, what are you doing? She's like, I think somebody's gonna ask for an autograph. So I'm just practicing on this map.

SPEAKER_03 44:06

Lies were told right now. That did not happen.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

Lies were told.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

Oh, okay. This is what we'll we'll wrap this episode up with. Things that only best friends understand. Like, I could send her a screenshot and it say absolutely no nothing. Zero content. And she knows exactly why I sent it. Boy bye. Oh, okay. Um if you we send a text that says you free question mark.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

Let's talk speaker.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Emergency.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

Emergency. There's no E on that. It's emergency. Emergency. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

You carry the shoes out the door and get in the car and check the location. Don't even ask where they're at.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

Yes. Location shared on 100%.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Yep. Um we have a code text.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

It's really hard to do say talk about without saying it.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

It's code.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

It it's one meme.

SPEAKER_03 45:06

And we know what it means.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

And we know what it means.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

We actually shared that with in the code.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

I know I split.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

I split Oh, I thought we said on the podcast. No? Have I said it on the podcast?

SPEAKER_00 45:18

You better not have. Oh, if you know, if she said it, put it somewhere. Like tell us. Tell us what it is.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

If you know what it is. The line you can't respond. Yeah. Because she knows what it is.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Right. Um, we have nicknames that nobody knows about it.

SPEAKER_03 45:32

We have nicknames. We have good names.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

We have good nicknames. Period. The check. Um the the check-ins. Like just check it in, you've been quiet, or hey, you're on on my mind. Um and even in mixed company. You know how sometimes like somebody will say something and you're like, oh gosh, that really bothered me, or that that is affecting my life in some way right now. Because we know so much, if there's something said when we're around others, like it's like, hey, you okay? Yeah. Hey, did that bother you? Like, it's just something that body language. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

Yeah. We do body language really well.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Anything else that you can think of? I mean we even have a song.

SPEAKER_01 46:29

You giggled so hard in that just now. So funny. We do have songs.

SPEAKER_03 46:36

We do have songs. We have anthems. And and listen, and with if one of us is down, we just send that song and we know that means turn up the volume and just listen to that song.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

And it depends if it's the serious one or the fun one.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Yeah. Yes. We have multiple songs. God bless. This is something crazy. That's funny.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

That's all I got. I love it. Anything else? I'm just I'm glad that we're taking time to celebrate our friendship and talk about it. Because we do get asked. We do. Because we did a whole series in in February. On relationships. On relationships and friendships was one week, but we never really got to talk about our friendship. Right. And I'm so grateful. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Find you a friend that you and you know, like it's not just Ashley and I. Like, I feel like sometimes we should probably share more of our friends on the podcast. I don't know if we shouldn't. I don't know. Yeah. But find your people. And I know you're like, where do I find them? I don't really know. Like, start a church. Go to the gym. I don't know. Walk at the park. I'm not sure. I don't but don't give up hope. Don't quit trying to find your people because you have one, you have to have community. You should. And you deserve to have an Ashley.

SPEAKER_03 48:00

Oh, Jess.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Stop.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Seriously.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

I just want everybody to find their people.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

Well, people. You should also find a chess and then you're line.

SPEAKER_00 48:11

No.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

I can't even use that. No, stop. I know.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

Copycat.

SPEAKER_03 48:17

I'm usually romantic, and I can't even think of something romantically pleased.

SPEAKER_00 48:22

Give me the ick.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

I know.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

Well, am I giving you the ick and friendship? It's an ick and friendship. Oh. Well, always remember a seat at our table. We're not fabbing this time. Okay. We're hugging. Oh, we gotta get up. Okay.