The First Man We Ever Loved

Father’s Day can bring gratitude, celebration, grief, memories, and sometimes all of those emotions at once.
In this week’s episode, The First Man We Loved, we’re having an honest conversation about the men who shaped our lives long before we knew how much they would impact us. Ashley shares what it’s been like navigating life after losing her dad just a few years ago, while Chess reflects on losing her father as a young child and the lasting effects of growing up without him.
We also asked dads a simple question: “What’s the perfect Father’s Day gift?” Their answers surprised us. Not one dad mentioned expensive gifts or gadgets. Instead, they talked about quality time, feeling appreciated, being recognized for what they do, and receiving something as simple as a handwritten letter from their children.
This conversation reminded us that fathers need encouragement too. They want to feel seen, valued, loved, and affirmed.
Whether you’re celebrating your dad, missing him, honoring a father figure, or raising children alongside a great dad, pull up a seat and join us for a heartfelt conversation about the first man we loved.

Love,

Ash & Chess

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey everybody, welcome to Did She Just See That? I am here with Jessin, and I'm Ashley. I should let you introduce yourself. I love you. I'm Ashley. I'm still Jessin. Still Jessin hasn't changed. And we are coming to you today uh on um lots of platforms, socials. We're on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, all of it. You can catch us on YouTube and see our faces if you'd like. So yeah, we are It's June. Happy Father's Day week. Happy Father's Day week. Yes. And we are going to talk about Father's Day. So uh we we did a um episode with our with our moms, and so it only makes sense to do that for the our for our dads out there. So what do we have today? What are we gonna jump in jump in and talk about?

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Yeah, so uh let's start out light and a little funny. Okay. What are some dad behaviors that come to mind off the top of behaviors or like also like like things they wear and stuff? Behaviors.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Okay. Behaviors. I'm gonna say like dad jokes, like telling the dad jokes.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

The dad I mean that's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yeah. Dad jokes, yeah. Behaviors. Um, over the top sports fan. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Yeah. Um Protective of their little girls.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yeah. Protector, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Um I mean, there's so many what about the dad that secretly behind mom's back says swing on him. Shows you how to make a fist.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

Oh, or I know you're not supposed to have any candy after midnight, but come on in here, honey. I'll get like you have a little extra candy. Yeah. Yeah. So that like little That soft side that comes out in them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah, those behaviors are cute. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

And how about how about for the clothes?

SPEAKER_01 2:07

The dad shoes. Oh, I mean, how do you think that's what I'm doing? What are these Skechers?

SPEAKER_03 2:10

No, New Balance.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

New Balance. I feel like there's a Skecher brand too that's like also very simple.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

So now those are the Velcro. That's what grandpa had on.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Oh, Crocs. My dad. I feel like everybody wears those. I know, but my dad wore those all the time. Fur wintertime, fur lined. Fur like fleece, fur lined. Yeah. Summertime, they had the holes.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

Can I tell you something? Yeah. I've never owned a pair of Crocs.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I don't think I have either.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Really?

SPEAKER_01 2:41

I don't think I have. No, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

I've never owned the traditional Crocs. Remember me telling you when I was pregnant that I wore those crazy yellow shoes that had the fur in them. Those were Crocs, but they looked like nursing shoes or something. I don't know. They were Crocs brand.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

So that's a lot. But the OG Crocs, no, I've never. Maybe we should maybe we should get some this summer.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Maybe and we'll put charms on them.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

I don't know if I can go that far. Yeah, my kids have those. They haven't like wit they're not widgets. There's some kind of of course acronym for them.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

I don't know. Jordan's or Jordan's dad close? I don't know. Like jean shorts. Did you want about anything specific? I don't know. That you see that.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Remember they like the hammer pants? I feel like the dads would wear those with no shirt.

unknown 3:32

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

You know?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

So great. That's so funny. Yeah. I don't know if I can make anything else. Those are the things that come to mind.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Yeah. So we'll we'll we'll go there. I I can't think of it. I I don't know. That's all I've got for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Um we did some research and we reached out to men of all ages as fathers. Young fathers, um, like kid dads that have teenage kids and dads that their children are fully grown and their grandparents or grandpa's peepaws, whatever you call them.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

People and it was across the board and unanimous not one of them mentioned a gift, a trip, even an outing.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

I think a gift would be, but I mean, it w every single one of them, in their own words, but still every single one of them within their response, besides one, and they said dinner, and they were like, I'm a simple man, I just want I always tell my wife that just let's just all eat together. Meat and taters. Yeah, yeah. Um, they wanted their kids to see them. And it was I want them to acknowledge me as the dad to feel seen and to for them to plan to spend time with me. And one dad, and a lot of the guys I tried to reach out to men that like aren't big on sharing their feelings. Um it was very intentional. You know me. I'm like, I love words. Let me see.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

What can I pull?

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Yeah. I mean, but it was it was intentional. But one dad said that he wishes that his daughter, you know, would see him and maybe plan something for them to do. But more than anything, he said, I would just love it, but she wrote me a letter. And this is a dad that his life revolves around his daughter and takes in her to I mean, she is involved in sports and activities, her social life is like she's got a whole calendar, yeah, and he shows up for everything with everything for bat, you know, the best bats, the the newest equipment, that you know, all the dresses, all the things. Once it doesn't matter, and I was like, wow. That that was all just for her to see me, tell me how she feels, and a handwritten letter would be so nice. And I think that what I really gathered from that was our dads of the world. Now, this is not gonna resonate with everyone because just like with mothers, there are absent fathers, there are dads that have chosen not to father. Um, but for those dads that are, they check all of the boxes, they make sure your car's fixed, they make sure that you are where you need to be. They, you know, pay your cell phone bill, your car insurance, whatever. And that's how you feel like oh, dad daddy showed up, daddy took care of it, you have a flat tire on the side of the road, your first call, your dad. And they want you to feel that safety and that security because they're what was shared is they always want, especially dads of daughters, they want their daughters to never settle. But all they want when they show up is daddy, thank you so much. I love you. Thank you for showing up for me. Not just daddy, I love you. Thanks. Like, thank you for showing up for me. Thank you for always being here. You know, think about it. Did you make those um cards like in elementary school with the macaroni noodles? Okay, so maybe you're too young, but we would make cards that had like the macaroni noodles glued to the cart, the paper or whatever. And I bet if you did that, your dad still got his. Because they hold on to that kind of stuff, and it's probably 18, 19 years old. Like, make him a new macaroni. Macaroni is probably molded by now. It's crusty and dusty, updated. But if you if you look at it, like your dad, you know, they hold on to that kind of stuff. I bet their their screen saver is a picture of their children. I bet that their contact for you is a picture of you and them, you know, just the little things we celebrate women very loudly, yes, a lot of times. And men go with, I'm okay, I'm okay, because they don't want to draw the attention or to feel like they have to ask for and this is in a very positive way, they are simple, like, and that's not a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Not at all.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

And sometimes I feel as women, we're like, well, we need this emotionally and this emotionally and this emotionally, and they don't say anything, but it's like, man, I need that too.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Um yeah, it's just it was very eye-opening. Um, so if you are watching this and your husband or your dad is still here, don't go out to the store and buy them a card. Write them a letter, go spend the day with them. And you don't I mean, go to the golf course, do the thing that they like enjoy doing. But it's not about the new tool, the new fishing pole, the hunting trip or whatever. Um, they want to do a something with you. And with all of that being said, Ashley and I have a very different dynamic with dads, with our dads. Um why don't you share a little bit about your daddy?

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah. Mr. Adolf. So Adolf, I love that. And my favorite part was when I was, you know, dating and I was younger, and they would be like, So, what are your parents' names?

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

And, you know, I'm like, Adolf and Connie. And they're like, Ho hold on. Adolf? Like Adolf Hitler, or like and I was like, Yeah. And um to make them think, like, you're gonna you're going through the ringer. He's a big teddy bear.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Big teddy bear. He got that nickname from working for a a guy back at home with that name, and it was just he just kind of picked came up on him. And so so yeah, so Adolf was a nickname my dad had. He had a lot of names actually. But yeah, growing up, uh, was I just remember like there are these little inside jokes of and and mind you, for those that know not one knows, but if you know me, you know my my family history and all that stuff. But my dad passed um back in 2022, so September. So it's been gosh, almost four years. So, but growing up, I mean, from the day that I was born, my parents were also 38 when they had me, a little later in life. So 14 years past my brother, big gap there, and wrapped around my dad's finger. I feel I mean, I've always been told that.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Yes, girl.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah, very much so, yes, very much so. And so there was always a joke running joke of, you know, if I'd say, Hey, can I will you buy this for me? He's like, I'll buy you two of them. Like it was always just that running joke. So just very, very close, very supportive dad. He went to everything, he never missed a game. He worked, he would get up at like 3:30 in the morning to go into work, drive an hour and a half one way, an hour and a half home, would not miss any of my games. He was just always very present. And so as you said too, the first my first phone call when my flat tire, you know, a flat tire and saw the road, or you know, I never had to do oil changes. Like dad took my vehicle, but dad did everything from that perspective. So very much protected dad. And um, so yeah, it was a great and even into my adult years, I mean, until the day the day he passed, I mean, daddy's girl.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Oh, we would very much um weekly.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yes, yes, and dad loved my girlfriends like like as his own kids. He treated us all. Yes. You know, has my girl chess, you know, he just and dad's memory, like as you get older, it's like, but he just he was on it with my friends, like knew everyone's was very just wanting to be involved. Very funny guy. Yeah, very funny.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Go back and look at her social media every time that she would post something, it was always, oh, I'm so glad to see you all having fun. Oh, you girls look amazing. Yes. It would just he was so encouraging and he always showed up.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yes, always. I mean, he'd be exhausted, but he'd be there, you know. He'd always and he would do so. Yeah, it was just it was so uh just this fun, loving dad, like very funny. Like at his uh when we were at like funeral and all that stuff, I mean there was laughter in the room because he's such a funny man. Like there are quotes and sayings that we will live on and say forever because these are just things that my dad would just I mean, there are words that he would make up, and it's just it's just funny to like bring those words out every now and then. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Um, but yeah, my whole family we still all the silly names for all the different social media platforms that was a fun one.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Face back, yeah, tic tac, snatch chat, that's still my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

Yeah, that one's my favorite for sure.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Because he was onto something.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

So but yeah, just in a big I mean, gosh, a big hole in my heart was just ripped. And he was diagnosed with cancer, and he by the time he was diagnosed in June of that year, he passed in September, so it was very quick. Yeah. When he was diagnosed, he was already at stage four. So we knew going to the the end of that that it would happen quickly, but yeah, we um he was just at peace.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Yeah, he was.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

And I remember being in the waiting room and he's like, Why are you upset? He goes, There are babies and kids in here that haven't lived life. And you're you're upset about me, like I've lived my life.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

It almost felt like he had this piece of how I did my job.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

I took care of everybody I needed to take care of. I lived life, uh, and he lived a full life. And it was like, I have done my job, do not grieve for me.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

It that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

And he knew, I mean, he was there with the divorce and all that stuff that happened, and but he knew he's like, You're gonna be okay. He wasn't concerned about that at all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

And he hid his pain. Like and he would hide his pain to make sure that we were laughing and joking whenever we would FaceTime him and he would still try to make plans, but then he would say, Now it just depends on how I'm feeling. Like right. But he wanted to put it out there that like if I have it in me, I'm gonna be there. But it just seemed like, yeah, he was very much so at peace.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

And gosh, his concern, his concern while he's dying is take care of mama, like make sure she's okay. And what was really cool to see him is a grandpa, like with my nephews. It was like he shut up to all my games, supported me my whole life in sports, and then that ended, and then he got to do that again with my nephews.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Without having to have through the rules and all of that.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yeah, exactly. And he got to experience that all over again with them, and so never missed a game. Never, you know, even when he didn't feel good, dad would smile through all of it and just he was all about other people, and it makes me so happy when I hear things like, You're carrying your dad's spirit, or you're, you know, I can I see your dad. I was at back at home, um, I was like, two months ago, and this lady across the room at a r I'm at a restaurant back at home, and she keeps keeps looking at me and we keep looking, we keep making eye contact, like I know you, you know me, and that kind of thing. And when she got up when she was leaving, she came over and she said, You look just like your dad. And I like, I'm getting cold chills right now. But I was like, Oh my gosh, like that is just to know me, I'm a stranger to her, and she probably hasn't seen me in years. But to know my dad's face when she's looking, I'm like, that's cool. Oh, yeah. And and I see both my mom and dad. But definitely my dad's like personality and like that kind of thing. I got definitely got that silliness from him, but yeah, yeah. So only good memories and so but but yeah, it's miss him all the time. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

So I'm gonna ask you a hard question. Okay. With him being gone for almost four years. Yeah what would you tell him?

SPEAKER_02 17:58

It's a big question. I know, baby. I know, I know. Um the impact. I know.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Just the impact. Um I knew my dad was great. When he was gone, people that showed up in support to say, you know, your dad did this for me and helped me in a really hard time and just always were so many of those stories.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Um it blew my yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

So I would just say like you are loved, you you will carry on forever in our hearts. But um mom's okay. You know, we got her, we'll take care of her. And just that, you know, your grandkids are living through you and I don't know, just I don't have kids of my own, so it's very different. And yeah to say like I don't have that to carry on, but um but yeah, just that I love them.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

But whoo!

SPEAKER_03 19:09

I don't know. I know when I put that down, I was like, oh man. Well, I would tell him, Thank you for crazy raising a wonderful woman because you a lot of him does come out in you and Scotty. Yeah. And when you have that good solid foundation, sure, it goes on for a long time. Um look at me ugly, Carl. I'm so sorry. Don't be. If you're listening or watching this and your daddy is still here, and you just heard Ash get very raw and open and honest, don't take them for granted. And it's okay to get soft with them and share how you feel because whether you know it or not, a lot of them want that. And one day you don't want I and I don't think that you said anything just now that you hadn't said to your dad. There were no regrets that you held back anything. We know Ashley's a love a lover of love, and so she is very good about expressing her feelings. Um, so that's not something that she has to live with of not being able to share with him her feelings. But if that's something you've got you're maybe a hard or your dad seems so hard, and um don't have regrets of not telling them how you feel while you have them. Um and I think when you lose a good dad, you grieve what you had, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Like they're you're happy, but you still grieve what you had. Yes. When you never really had that relationship, your grief is more you miss, you're grieving what you missed. Um, and so for me, I was gonna ask you, yeah. Um I I've shared before, but I lost my dad when I was five. And I don't have any memories of him. I have no clue what his voice sounded like. You know, sometimes when you close your eyes and you have a memory of your dad, you can hear his voice.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Any video, any anything that just no, it's silent.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

Um, so I I don't have that. And I I think I've shared this before. I was an adult before I truly grieved his death. Um, I carried lots of anger. One thing that my great grandmother did for me was my my grandmother and I would go down to the cemetery every week and clean his headstone and stuff after church. And I always had all these big feelings and lots of emotion and a lot of it came out in anger. But she gave me a bought a little packet of post-it notes one day and sent me to the back room. It was like this little add-on to her house. And she said, I want you to write him a letter. And I'm like, How do you write a dead person a letter? You know, I was maybe eight, if that, I don't know. Um, but I did and it was long and she said, Next week when Nanny takes you down there, you take that letter down there and you leave it. And I that's where my love for writing came in because that's what I did. I have notebooks on top of notebooks that is just full of letters that I wrote to my dad. And sometimes I would have to go back and revisit them or whatever. And there were certain parts of me that I mean there were just so many things. Like I wanted my dad he played the guitar and the harmonic and stuff and like I wanted to hear him play and pick and um I wanted him to see me graduate. I wanted him to see me in my prom dresses or just little things like that. And now it's like man I wish I could have he could be a grandpa. Like um and I don't really talk about him a whole lot. And it's not that there's a lack of love. It's hard to talk about someone you don't know, you know? Sure. Um at a young age but yeah yeah but I get to hear stories and still to this day when I go back home my dad was a social butterfly um and knew a lot of people from his hometown and the like neighboring areas and I get all the time you have to be little Eddie's daughter. And I'm like he's been gone for over 30 years. Like um and growing up I looked like my mom. Yeah. And never ever was told that I looked like my dad and I don't think that I did but as an adult my brother looks like mom like we switched.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

And he had he had dark hair.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

Yeah oh yeah yeah he had cool black hair and brown eye and yeah dark eyes. Yeah um but yeah it and it is so like okay there's something when I got married I I grieved changing my last name because it was the last thing that I had yeah of his.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

And it was really hard for me to give that up. Sure. Um but with all of that being said we I've talked about co-parenting and my ex-husband and I get along great watching him be a dad to our children and he is involved and he is present and he shows up for everything I will never I mean I didn't want to have kids because of the fear of them being fatherless. I know it's crazy but whenever you have childhood trauma it comes out in crazy ways. Yeah. Um but the way that he shows up for our kids and the way that he fathers them like I don't think that I grieve my dad anymore because I get to see firsthand because I had no clue. I had no clue what it would look like. And so it's absolutely like I never ever will take that for granted or try to take that away from him um and that is why we work so hard to co-parent um but all of these different stages if and just like with we talked about on Mother's Day if there are men that have been in your life coaches your friend stats let them know because they show up for they have shown up for you and in your life and celebrate that just like we celebrate each other as women on Mother's Day and a lot of other months of the whatever yeah um but let them know like if we had one one of my friends said he drove us to school every morning him and my stepdad they they took turns and he was so silly and goofy and both of them did the funniest stuff but he made sure we got to school every day. You know was it small? Yeah but did he have to get up that early to no and deal with right three of us crazy hormone raging middle schoolers that you know couldn't find the right outfit and our lip gloss didn't match. But they yeah but they did and they did it every day and no matter what our moves were they were still silly and you know certain dads that in my life that knew my dad wasn't there they showed up to games and events for me and I never thought to like the same way that I celebrate the women that show up sh have shown up for me. We need to do that for the men too and absolutely it is as simple as it it's probably a little more simple to celebrate and let them know that you appreciate them than it is to celebrate.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Just because it's simple doesn't mean we should bypass it and overlook it. Exactly it almost becomes easier to bypass and overlook because it is so simple.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

And they're never gonna say anything.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Exactly exactly yeah if they're if you were to have a conversation with your dad today. Is there anything that you would want to tell him or share with him?

SPEAKER_02 28:03

I did not expect you to turn that question around on me.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

I I mean it with love. I know you do I know just for you to be able to express that and if you don't that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Oh no I'm fine um I don't feel like I would have to fill him in on my life because I do feel like in heaven that they do get glimpses of us and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

Um I think I would just tell him that I'm I I miss it. I miss getting to know who he could have been but you're living through him.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

Yeah um he's living through you I should say yeah I think that would probably be my biggest thing and then I'd probably apologize for all because I was you know I was a kid and I was so mad in those letters be like sorry yes that's me but yeah as a child you were just trying to get through yeah but I'd have to make some kind of joke to lighten it up because sure I mean there are times where I I hope and pray that you know there's this whole will we know people in heaven will we not and I really hope that like there are times where I'm like when I get there I can't wait to see him and then it's like even if I don't know that he was my earthly father I feel like there would be some kind of connection that I would feel something that would let me know because I don't know like I would think him for my name too.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

He he came up with my name.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Yeah and so if I got to talk I would thank him for my name because it that's something that can never be taken away from me that he absolutely yeah yeah and I think too you know with all I keep thinking through all this and having a you know having I had dad and then I had Scotty my brother who's 14 years older I mean there are times where I think you know we'd be out and about and he's off in college and all the things and I'm kind of tagging along as little sis and people are like you got a kid you know like they I could have been right like I don't know mistaken for young dad yeah little yeah but uh I will say so for happy Father's Day Scotty um but I'm just very blessed to have him and gosh I did not think this would go I told you this one could get emotional. Yeah but um I get to watch him be a dad and it's beautiful um he's he and my sister two amazing kids and I see my dad in him too and it's great and um the funny silly yeah I mean we we I laugh because I have cousins who are like Scotty you are so funny and I'm like he's okay like he's kind of funny but I'm like he he is funny. Yeah uh oh don't let that come there don't don't exactly but just seeing him be a dad and I get to and it's really great because he stepped into a role like a big brother role to where he's like okay dad dad did everything for me you know and so um he but he's always been there and very present and we're closer now than ever.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

Um you shared the other night it was so I don't know like I could tell that it opened up like whoa wait a minute that here recently that you've been doing a couple of things and he has called you out like why didn't you call me and yeah and it was things that you would have gone to your dad before and you felt like you had to take it on now that your dad is gone and he's like no no no no I'm right here. Yeah and I think that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Yeah that says so much more than just that I'm here it's like we're in this and you know you're not alone and yeah yeah so it's been really great to have that relationship because we are 14 years apart the age right I'm four years old and he's off to college and so and so now it's like you know adults and I call him and and my sister Mall Melissa that's how I'm actually talking about Mala Melissa I can't just say Melissa it's my sister Mel Melissa but yeah so it's really nice to be able to um just watch him be a dad and it's beautiful. It's really and he's a great dad and so and just a good leader of his family of his home um a good Christian man. Mom and dad did a great job with leading us that way and so I'm really glad that we're you know we had that together and so yeah and my nephews have been baptized. It's just it's beautiful. It's just a really good it has evolved and I'm just excited to watch him and dad this whole time it's great.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

So yeah have you ever expressed that to him before probably not like how do we show up for dads better? How do we show up for dads better?

SPEAKER_01 33:32

I think it's I think we just have to stop making assumptions.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

And because there's so you said it perfectly earlier they are simple and it's easy to bypass because they are so simple and even if they get upset normally they don't even tell you.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Right, right. And I think too when I look at my my brother I'm like well he has a family but also like as his sister you know I need to express that to him like you know just to see him he is my brother but he's also a dad himself and very much there for me. So so yeah and we joke because he's like when you get a boyfriend, you know you I won't have to lean on him for all those things. And we'll change and looking at my Jeep and making sure it's running right. But but yeah it's it's I I think we we just have to just use our words. Use our words when you have that moment I I love love. When you have that moment or the opportunity like take that opportunity and just share it doesn't have to be a full blown drawn emotional thing.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

But create the moment. Yeah and and the thinking those dads that put in the hard work every day after day and we see you know the traditional roles we see a man leading the family. We see the man providing and I think it is something that it's a big deal you're providing for your family. You're allowing you know if it's financial stability you're allowing if it's if it's helping create the day to day to get through it's the things that you know a lot of dads are planning 20 30 years on the road. Right. So my dad did that and I I didn't know that. Right. And so absolutely I think it's just we we need to create those moments and tell our and tell these dad that yes we we talk about moms and but it it takes two to tango. Like it's it's you know some families have the mom and dad and if you have both I think it's important to to acknowledge both. And if you're a dad and you're doing it on your own and you're mom and daddy and dealing with little girl stuff and all the things by yourself you know kudos to you. But this also reminds me of you know build build community and if you're a single dad and and if you are co-parenting it's about the kids. And so I think you know if if you've got two people I think you and you are a great example of that. Uh that it can be done.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

Yeah. So and it's changed you know though when we first divorced and our kids were younger um we celebrated more holidays more together I guess are we yeah I guess and we still do it a little bit and it's really if the kids are like hey yeah can we do that like we should have done yeah hey mom will you cook dinner for dad for his birthday yeah sure give him a call tell him to come over ask him what he wants me to fix or I'll just figure out one of his favorite meals like what do you guys want to fix him um but if they're with him now I'll call and be like hey do you want me no we're good okay cool yep um but Mother's Day Father's Day that kind of stuff we and he always and I always we get a gift from the kids to give to one another and I I don't ever want to not do that while our kids are young. You know once they're older sure they can buy their own presents. Right. Well I mean my oldest son he does like he's kind of stepped away from that and but it's it's very important and I can't help but think like we we touched on you had your dad and happen to grieve him now and I talked about losing my dad young then you've got those absent dads you know I can't my grief is there's no way to have a relationship. He is physically gone. So you have these men and women and young boys and girls that their father is still very much so alive and has chosen not to be a part of their life and that is a whole other grief that I cannot speak on with any kind of experience. Um but if you are one of those people um we see you and I hope that there has been someone that has stepped in your life that has given you that fatherly love and experience. But if you are a man that knows of children that do not have that step into their life. Um the things that you all bring to the table and the safety the security um every kid deserves and needs to have and if you have the ability to do that do not miss that in life um because you will be rewarded and you will you know there's so many ways to go about that but the experiences but my mom her dad was alive but not a part of her life growing up and it was once I was an adult and I'm like whoa like you had to deal with me grieving this all along and your dad was alive and so we we've we've talked about it more now that I'm an adult and we kind of have more of a friendship than anything I guess and it's like you just don't think about it if it hasn't affected your life.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Um and so I didn't want to not mention um because that that Father's day is hard for those like could you imagine have a friend that not only was their dad not in their life he started a whole new family and they had to go to school with their step half siblings and see their dad showing up for his new family. But not and I'm like I mean sorry not sorry but I want to throat punch them. Yeah right yes like let me smack some sense into you but anyway um I just want to make sure that we touch and I'm sure there are other things that we haven't thought of but well also a thought thing too that for Mother's Day we talked about infertility a little bit there.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

And so for the fathers that want to be fathers that want to be dads and you are going through that right now with your significant other and you all are not able to have that um moment we see you as well and that's never talked about.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

You know women have gotten bolder in discussing infertility when it's on their end.

unknown 40:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

But it is not discussed when it and I'm sure just like for a woman we're like that's what we were born to do it depends on the generation you grew up in.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:08

But for a man like does that feel make them feel like their man card has been taken?

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Right.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

Uh um I mean because you don't hear about it being discussed.

unknown 41:19

No.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

And I even I have friends that they never went and found out who couldn't because they never wanted that in their marriage. They just knew one of them couldn't and they needed to look at different avenues and I respect that.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

I mean same not that it's for everybody you do whatever's right for you but as much as we talk about our side of it yeah yeah we don't we can't make 'em you know like absolutely I don't feel like they it is right they but if you're yeah if you're not talking about it make sure that you're you know find find someone to talk to you about that.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

Don't do it alone.

SPEAKER_03 42:02

Nobody should do life alone.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

No should not well I would encourage you not to watch YouTube um so that you can see please don't my makeup running everywhere. I know I'm like I need I need like for bags near my eyes and for crying the allergies are real today.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

They're real yeah in full effect yeah middle of June lots of allergies yeah yeah that's what it calls it got us today valley I know I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've cried on this podcast yeah not for me you know me and with all of that said if you are a dad we hope that you're celebrated and that you're seen and if there's something that we left out we would love for you to share it with us. If you have a dad we hope that you're celebrating them and this is just open your eyes a little bit or you already do this pat yourself on the back um for those that are hurting on Father's day we see you and you don't have to do it alone just like with any other situation our goal is to build a community to support one another have fun doing it laugh through the hard times but never overlook them um but we see you and we love you guys and happy Father's Day to all of the men out there that are doing the dang thing. Yep yep and as always remember you always have a seat at our table that was really bad.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

I was trying to move this aside so I would hit it.