Did She Just Say That?
Did She Just Say That is a podcast for real people navigating life, faith, friendship, parenting, loss, and healing. We talk about the good, the hard, and everything in between—because it’s okay to say the quiet parts out loud.
Did She Just Say That?
The Struggle Bus Has Wi-Fi
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode, we’re getting real about the battles we face behind the scenes—from comparison, self-worth, and physical appearance to relationships, purpose, and the pressure of who we think we’re supposed to be. We share the struggles we’re actively working through, the challenges we’re facing right now, and even some of the things people would never guess we’ve wrestled with. 🚎
This conversation isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about the experience of struggling, the expectations we place on ourselves, and why giving ourselves grace can feel so difficult. We explore what it means to let go of roles, release perfection, and embrace the messy reality of being human.
Raw, honest, and deeply relatable, this episode is a reminder that you’re not the only one carrying what you carry—and there’s a good chance you’ll find a piece of your own story somewhere in ours.
Remember: you always have a seat at our table. 💛
Love,
Ash & Chess
Hello, welcome back to Did She Just Say That? I'm Jessin. And I'm Ashley. And this week we are talking about some stuff. The struggle bus has a Wi-Fi.
SPEAKER_02And we are the drivers. You have the pedals and I have the the wheel. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.
SPEAKER_03I'll just put my hands down and you can hit your feet on what channels are. That's perfect. Yeah. I love it. All right. Um, you can catch us and follow along on all social media platforms. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. And if you want to watch, then go over to YouTube. We would love for you to interact on there. Leave us um a comment or a review. It really does help us out. So if you oh and Spotify forgot about that. Yeah, all your streaming platforms. Yeah. So if you wouldn't care, we would appreciate a little review. Um, and you can comment obviously on YouTube. We can communicate with you. So Ash, what are we talking about, girl?
SPEAKER_02The struggle bus has Wi-Fi. So is that what your word sounds like? Um maybe.
SPEAKER_03There we go. There we go.
SPEAKER_02What's the clown? What's the one that you like? Oh, the um what? Oh no, it's like a squirrel. Um hold on. What's the movie um Daisy Duke and the general, the the general? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's yeah, yeah, I got you. Thank you. It took me a second. Oh, you said clown. Okay. Sorry. That's where my head was had to stay there.
SPEAKER_02Welcome.
SPEAKER_03Welcome to the struggle bus.
SPEAKER_02Yes, the struggle bus because I can't even be on topic right now. We're here. So struggle bus in the sense of you hear the word struggle. So today, I think talking about struggles that we have. I mean, in general, but specifically us women in our 30s and 40s. Like we're there. Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, yeah. And so, and I've just, you know, recently hit a I'm not on the next decade yet, but um, I'm still in my 30s, so we're gonna keep it there. That's it. Okay. So we're gonna we're gonna connect with our 30-year-olds as well. Because, you know, we're still there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we're holding on to the we're holding on real tight. I'm holding on through you.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Uh-huh. So some of the struggles that we face and just full transparency, like this is this is hard stuff to talk about and to admit, but also we want to to know you you're scene. I mean, these are things that hopefully um you all I don't want to say hopefully, but some things that you probably identify with. Yeah. Um, struggle with, has maybe been something you used to struggle with, currently struggle with, or you have yet your you know, are younger girls um watching that they might ha face. And so I know we did an episode before on things that we wish we knew when we were younger, which was great, right? Remember that one? Something like the very, very first thing we ever did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but I don't think it was actual an actual episode. I think we just did some reels on it, right? Okay.
SPEAKER_02It was like uh five or six reels in a row. Yeah, but things that we would tell our our younger selves. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But now we're kind of those things that as women, when you're younger, it doesn't get discussed. And so then when you you get into it, am I the only one? No one else thinks like this, no one else feels this, no one else has gone through this, and we have, but I feel like in this generation people are getting more comfortable with talking about the harder things and expressing it, letting it be known. So if you are a younger listener, I hope that you hold on to this stuff. So when it does hit it, you don't feel like you have to be quiet. I feel like their voices are so loud and I love it. I love it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um so jumping into these struggles. One thing that kind of just and I'm using I wrote some things down that I struggle with, and of course, like I'm sure I'll think of more as we talk, but the comparison piece of you know, being in your thirties and forties and not having that traditional life that we're supposed to have. I put if you're watching uh airb Air Bunnies, yeah. Because you know, m we were there, we were living, you know, married life and this and that, and then uh now it's a little different for us. So just that comparison piece. And when I think of comparisons, my first thing I think about is socials. Like that's just registers with me really big because that's something like when I open my phone, like it's already, you know. So in your face.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And always the good stuff. Right. No one's really posting. Well, I mean, I see some I don't know. I'm seeing some things where people it's the same ones though. I hate to say that. I don't know. But I also think it's probably, you know, your take on life, your perspective on life if you're the victim and things are happening. But yeah, for the most part, I see all these like trips and all the things and life is good and social media real highlight. Real highlights this is when I struggle with everything. My purpose. So I'll talk a little bit later about this is in similar ways, one of the biggest um I guess I don't know, struggles that that women have dealing with purpose because they identify themselves as I am. I am and so when the child grows up and moves off away, when you no longer are a wife, whenever these things are no longer how do you define yourself and what is your purpose and legit kind of where I am. Yeah. Oh my god, you know, and then I'm by myself thinking I need to do do more because I'm not supporting a family or I'm not right. And so it's just a whole different so trying to grab on to, I mean, I go to church and I truly I I pray. I'm like I don't know if it's supposed to be like a smack in the face. You know, like the V8 like smack in the face of here's your purpose in life. I am discovering my strengths. So I'm thinking that like I don't know.
SPEAKER_03What are your thoughts on purpose and Oh, I think there are a lot of women and I'm sure men too. I just don't know that I hear m as many men talk about it, but as women you get to this place if you're if the like your kids are getting older even and it's like, okay, I'm not changing diapers anymore. I've got this done and you have your job and it's your nine to five, but a lot of people don't love their job. Right. And so you're still like, What is my like what is my calling? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to be doing? And it can set you back. Um Absolutely. 'Cause like wait I'm forty years old and what what like I f I find myself saying, God, what is it that you want me to do? What is it that you have for me? And sometimes I was listening, um, I don't know if it was a podcast or what, but they were talking about this and it was like sometimes you sit and you're wanting God to answer all these questions, but He'd put you in the right places to find it. He'll he's gonna give you the strength. You have to put yourself out there. You have to and so sometimes we're like I'm not saying don't pray about it. That's not or try different things to see what makes you happy. Um, but sometimes you have to put in some of the work and you don't even know where to start. Right. Like, what do I do? And it's like, well, maybe there's a certain book that is going to open your eyes to something, or you're gonna go to dinner with that person that's been asking you to go. Those girls are like, Please come to dinner, please come to dinner, and you get there and the conversation it's like, Oh my gosh, I'd never even thought about that. That's something that so you have to want to find like not just want to find your purpose, you have to be proactive, not real. And willing to put yourself out there in ways because obviously it's something that's not fulfill you're not fulfilled in some way. Right. So there's places that you're gonna need to go, things that you're gonna need to experience that is different than what you you've been doing.
SPEAKER_02Um get you out of your comfort.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but I think it is more common than even and we do talk about it a little bit as women in society, but I still think that it is like don't share too much because it's gonna look like you don't have it all together or they all know their purpose because they're living out. It's like, well, they may, and to those who do, kudos. Like, yeah, what were the techniques that you used? What tools did you try? Um, pass it along, like share that wisdom so there's more women that are living out their life on mission with their purpose, um, instead of all of us like fumbling around. But you have to fumble to find it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02What is it that whole like I used to do this all the time. I would pray and be like, you know, please let me be comfortable, but don't seem on that mission trip because I don't want to travel that far and I don't wanna, you know, like it's that I wanna you just have to be open and willing to learn and listen. But and put forth the effort and like Yeah. And then I'm kinda like, I'm wanting to put the effort you know, I don't know. But you don't even know where to start. I don't know where to start. Yeah. Yep. This one's this one's uh you hear me talk about it all the time. Um obviously chest and I are different different sizes and heights and all the things, you know, just like open us at each other. And that I it's a I've struggled my whole life though. More so probably post college, but my weight, that was something oh it had I always yeah, it and it yeah, we all our own ones, our own strength. Yeah, not funny.
SPEAKER_03I was about to say it's funny that you say it that way. Not funny. Um but with your height and you the athlete and all that, for me, I look at a cheeseburger and I gain five pounds because I'm five foot. Like so and people joke, they're like, Oh my gosh, and I'm like, Yeah, five pounds is a pant size for me. Where for me it's not, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Five pounds is not a pant size. Exactly. It's just me feeling bloated or not. Right. I mean, I would always say like on my cycle, ten pounds, easy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and ten pounds is at least two pants size. And you size eight and me size eight, totally different.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Like at my size right now I'm almost considered obese.
SPEAKER_02Which is wild to me. Wild to me. I think too chess, like, you know, we and I should and would never, like I can't look at you and go, and you have that in me b in me go, well, I'm big like no, we're all we're gonna have our own struggles with no matter what. I will say I've I am I am taller, so that five or ten, it just it m varies a little bit with where it goes, whereas you probably know exactly where it goes and you can be like there it is, like but being taller and being able to carry, I mean they always said, you know, being pregnant and taller, like you look like you swallowed a basketball and I look like I'm growing for humans. The struggle is real, and I'm sure are you in 30s and 40s? Now we're talking about this. Carry menopause and manopause menopause. It's called cougar puberty. It is called cougar puberty. Do you love that I said menopause though? Manopause. Hormones, ladies, like changing rapidly at our ages. I know for me, like I I laughed because I was like, oh, I didn't think about having a hysterectomy in my early like early to mid-30s and been like, oh, you know, that'll happen later. Well it it kind of pushed the perimenopause a little quicker. And and so yeah, it's just that goes into the Hawaii thing.
SPEAKER_03Well, and the body stuff. The way that I'll I'll going back to that, the way that you talked about it, Ella, because you're like Chesson and I are totally different. We are, but think about how like when you're talking about like, well, this, and maybe I'm quiet about it, because it's like, well, I have the same struggles, they just look different. Yeah, and we do that all the time. Like, gosh, look at her, she's this or she's that. Like it takes me. Can I gain and lose weight extremely fast? Yes, I can, even at my age, which is crazy, it's a little harder to get off. But um, I can. And but because I'm short and considered petite, it's almost I feel guilty talking about it with my friends because it's like, well, you're this near. And it's like, if you realize that chocolate bar that you just ate, like, I'm over here drooling. Not that I I mean I love me some ice cream and I will yeah, but it's still, it's like there are struggles for all of us, they're just different.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03You're like, oh, I'm so tall. When I put on heels, I'm telling I'm like, I get it. Like, yes, I don't get that, right? But I have to have step stools all over my house, and I still have to feel so different.
SPEAKER_02Yes. No, and and I I think in our friendship, I'm appreciating that more. I've not I don't anymore go, oh my gosh, just like I'm like, right, I don't have to struggle for you too, babe. Like and it's okay, like we don't come together.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we we tell each other all the time that looks so good on you, or you're beautiful because we know we're not telling ourselves that right sometimes, you know, we're like so yes, but absolutely I was so excited when they started selling extra, extra short jeans. You can only order them online, but still I don't long have to see, yeah. Give me the long ones, and you used to always be like, Oh, it must be nice to go in the store and get jeans.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, uh, but I was that kid walking around the high waters, but everybody was like, that's the normal size. And I'm like, we didn't know that earlier, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, that's the whole perspective is so but I will say this I don't look at the scale as much as I look at how things fit or how I feel.
SPEAKER_03I don't own a scale.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I have not owned a scale in five years, and I don't know that I will ever own one again. The only reason is I go to the doctor and they're like It's about how my body feels and if I know what I'm eating. Like I know I've had a week of eating bad. Yep. There I know why my body feels bad. 'Cause what I'm putting in it.
SPEAKER_02Speaking of struggles, that's another thing that I struggle with. I mean the nutrition part. I work out all the time, but the nutrition part is so hard for me. And yeah, that is a struggle. If I don't meal prep on Sunday, I've already blown my week. I can't I can't go we can start Wednesday. Like I'll start Monday. The week I have my kids. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03Cooking every night.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We'll go out. Yeah. You know, one or two nights maybe. But when I don't have my kids, I don't want to cook. I don't want to cook for one person. Great. And that's whenever.
SPEAKER_02Like what's in the fridge? Like, or what can I just give myself? Because you you know, eat you eat different whenever you have the kids and you got the kids.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02For sure.
SPEAKER_03I eat a little healthier when I don't have the kids. Probably.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um but you prep more when you prepare. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02That's so weird. Yeah. Not weird. Ooh. Aging. Ladies, it's happening. Our skin is not as elastic as it used to be.
SPEAKER_03I knew you were gonna say that. Well. Because of my bracelet couple the other day. Just be honest.
SPEAKER_02What is it?
SPEAKER_03Don't you remember? I was like, oh my gosh, look at my bracelet on my leg. I don't even think about that. So sweet. Because you don't have enough you don't have as much elasticity in your skin anymore. I mean, our nurse friend.
SPEAKER_02She's like, yeah. Thank you for calling out my old leg. Dehydrated, you know. No, it's also my skin is just not as elastic as it used to be.
SPEAKER_03But don't zoom in, okay? Leave us alone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I don't know if I got time for that. But yeah, the aging thing, like, you know, and also being single and aging. It's like so I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I think I'm probably more vain about aging with being single.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. A hundred percent. When I was married, I still wanted to look nice. Of course. And that kind of thing. But I was also a married to someone eleven years older. So I was around older people. And I got made fun not made fun of, but they were like, oh, you're the baby. Yeah. Which which miss also meant my skin probably looked better and I looked younger. I mean, I was younger. Right. Not that I looked younger, but I was younger. But yeah, just the whole um what's really weird? This is really weird guys. I care probably more now about what I look like than I did two years ago. I don't know what I'm I'm starting to care more about that now. I don't know why. I mean I got Botox for the first time. Would you like me to explain it? That I care now more now. But I'm also wanting to become more f like I'm such such a tomboy. I have to make it I get my nails done and I try to feel as feminine as possible because I want to be feminine. But I'm such a tomboy. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03What do you got? What do you think I'm because you're just starting to notice changes in your body.
SPEAKER_02Well yes. What kind of changes in my body?
SPEAKER_03We can't put all of this out on there, okay. But I mean, like, you said you just got Botox for the first time. First time. Because you're noticing wrinkles that weren't there before. And it's like, well, I can deal with these wrinkles, but I don't want all of those wrinkles.
SPEAKER_02I I want small wrinkles but not forehead wrinkles. Right. And then, you know, I get told I'm a great candidate for Botox. I'm like, awesome, this makes my this validates my even more. Right. You know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Your see your body is changing. Your stuff. Yeah. And so it's like, well, hold on. And some people are like, well, you're trying to hold on to your youth. If you want to get Botox and that's what makes you feel good. Get Botox and make yourself feel good. If it becomes an obsession, just like an ad any kind of addiction. Right. Okay, then it's unhealthy. You look like a Sami's cat now. Let's slow down. Right. You know? But if that's what you need or want to do, don't let it be your identity. Like but when you start to see your body change, it's hard. Yeah. It is not easy. And then you're like, oh, don't wave too hard.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Don't want my arm. Yeah. And where my hair is so dark. I mean, I need to get my hair done every two weeks to cover up the gray. Yeah. Who's got time for that? More or less the money. Right. But you have to get a little more comfortable. You either have to get comfortable with it and just own it. Yeah. Or there are certain things that it bother me. Yeah. They're like, I've started, if you've noticed, I've started letting my hair go a little bit longer. And it's like, you know what? I'm 47 years old with cold black hair. I'm gonna have some gray. Yep. Not everybody does my grandmother didn't get gray hair until she was in her eighties. That's not something that I was blessed with. Right. But it is what it is. Yeah. Now my teacher's arms, that I'm not that's why work out. Teacher's arms? Remember the teachers when you were little and they'd write on the blackboard and their arm. No, you didn't call it that.
SPEAKER_02I called them angel wings.
SPEAKER_03And I would sit on my grandma's lap and just sit there and just Yeah, could you have my I Listen, when I'm a Mima, my grandkids will not be playing with my teacher's arms.
SPEAKER_02No, I will be doing bicep curls at that age. Listen Not that I'm gonna have grandkids, but my nieces and nephews, my my babes. Yeah. They're gonna be I'm like, get off my biceps.
SPEAKER_03I'd be flexing all the I'm not really Yeah, your body changes and that's whenever it's you start like hold on. I mean think about it how many women you're seeing you're like man she looks so good like she looks better now than she did 'cause you start caring. Yep. And things don't look the way that they did naturally before.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Just my thoughts.
SPEAKER_02Well, speaking of all of that, my joints, like thanks, Dad, for all of the arthritis that you've passed down. My brother has arthritis too. And it's just like I'm getting up and I feel like I need to oil my you know, my joints to get moving. I'm just being serious.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I did have to have my mom was in town last week. I did have to have her rub me down with some cream roll. See?
SPEAKER_02When you wake up also, my I get I get so mad. My eyes, like my glass I'm like, where are my glasses? My forehead. They're not adjusting. I'm there now. I don't have readers yet, but I do have glasses that help me see further away. Which makes me near s nearsighted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just stuff like that.
SPEAKER_03It takes my eyes a minute to adjust in the morning. Yep.
unknownYep.
SPEAKER_02Oh, struggle bus. You ready for this one?
SPEAKER_03I don't think so.
SPEAKER_02Romantic relationships after divorce. I mean struggle bus. Ladies, men. All everyone that's not um happily married and all the things. That's a struggle. Like that's very fearful. I think I don't even have to s I don't know how to explain that one. We can just move forward from that. Yeah. We've talked about that a lot. So mm-hmm. So chess, we like talked about some struggles. What is a struggle that you're actively working on?
SPEAKER_03Probably the identity like the identity part. Yep. Um I mean becoming becoming comfortable with the gray hair, I'm not gonna lie, that was a hard one. I mean, I've had to get my hair color since I was in my early 30s. Yeah. Um so what is that?
SPEAKER_02Old, sorry. Oh. My old water, it doesn't taste great.
SPEAKER_03It fits. It's on the struggle bus. That's funny. Um, but yeah, probably identity and just something. I mean, what was the the little workbook that did you start that yet? Oh, it's so good.
SPEAKER_02Amy started it. She did. So good. What's it called? It's Love Your It's about loving yourself. Yeah. Work on yourself, loving yourself out. Something yourself, something like that. It's so good. Yeah, I'll post it and share. It's just an Amazon book. But yeah. I'll have to look at it. Let's just talk about this.
SPEAKER_03Be ready. Okay.
SPEAKER_02For me, actually working on trusting myself and my decisions. So big. I feel like second guessing. Mm-hmm. And now I'm I have to go, you know what? If your gut is telling you or it's the way you feel, you just need to go with it.
SPEAKER_03You know, I think we've talked about this a little bit, that like the older you get, the less you care. I feel like around about 41 going into I would say is when I'd quit second guessing myself as much. Do it does it still happen some? Yeah. Yeah. But you and I'm so I'm like, okay, maybe these 40s are gonna be good, you know? Like you get more comfortable with your answer and not explaining and the second guessing yourself. So give yourself a few years.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Keep working on it. Coming upon big decade.
SPEAKER_02Actively working on my weight. So full disclosure, I've lost twenty-four pounds actively using GLP. Looking at medicine. Thank you. And it was to the point I went to my doctor and I said, look, I'm truly for the last eight months, I have been eating like during the week really good. I have been working out and I it's nothing is changing with my body. And I don't know, is that menopause or perimenopause or what what what's causing nothing to come off? And she was like, I don't really prescribe this much, but if you want to take this route, we can try it out and see if your body so I was on um started trizepatide last October. It's been more of a gradual thing for me. I didn't see results in the beginning. I didn't see it until probably February, March. And I'm my knees feel better. Yeah. I've my confidence is better. There's just things that I know this is I know GLP is very controversial and some people are either let's talk about that for a second.
SPEAKER_03First of all, yeah. Um I don't know a whole lot about it, but it came up in conversation the other night, and if you do it the right like I've watched you doing this, um, and there's such a stigma around it. For me, I don't care. Like if you need help, get the help. Because we're always saying if you need help with your mental status, like go get help. Right. Okay, so why I don't know all the good and the bads about it. But if you're choosing to do it and you're I know you're doing it the right way, the right way. Yeah, because I'm watching you and you know, you're not getting the certain things that they say are side effects, but why there is this signal where everybody feels like they have to keep cheat.
SPEAKER_02I hear that all the time.
SPEAKER_03It's a cheat, you're cheating, and I bet nobody else has ever cheated in any kind of way to get what they wanted.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_03Like because weight isn't a problem for them to get in on or take off. I don't know. And I feel like we're always easier to judge when it's something that we don't struggle with. But I don't know. Um one really proud of you for sharing that. Um and you're doing it the right way. And I I love it.
SPEAKER_02I know it's not a forever, it's not a forever solution. It it was it's a temporary thing for me. And I I don't know how much longer I'll be on it because I'm not getting more results. So it's like I know in this process of I have to make lifestyle changes. And and so for me, I you know, I wanted I wanted to do it the right way. And I want it because if you don't, you can feel like garbage. I've heard people that just don't eat with it or this and that and they and they're not getting the results. But I do think that, you know, especially people that, you know, I look at the other side of it of I'm pre-diabetic, my dad was a diabetic, and all of the health struggles that come along with it, high cholesterol, and you know, my numbers I've cut my medication, like my goal is to get off of medication.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so that's I'm on the way to do that into September. And so my goal is to be medication free. Right. In September. So that's really why I did it. Yeah. More for long term benefit. So I just can't put it back on it. Right. I'm putting that out there. So I don't do it. Thank you for sharing that for yeah. Struggle we overcome. Or maybe we feel good about something.
SPEAKER_01What do you do you have anything that comes to mind? Um struggles that I've overcome.
SPEAKER_03There's so many different ways I could go with that, honestly.
SPEAKER_02I'm trying to think of like one that yeah was something that just held such a I've seen this side of you that's we talk about it, we've talked about it before in a podcast episode, just this openness, embracing new things that come your way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So I I protected myself with big walls, um, even with my friends for a long well, a long time, and everyone would always think that I was very transparent and an open book, um, because there are certain things that I didn't care to share. But the real me um stayed so hidden and no one really knew her. Um, and honestly, there were times where I didn't feel like I knew her. And I had to yeah, it was it was a protection thing, and the struggle was that if I let people too close, they're gonna die. Um, they're gonna walk away. I uh we talked about like a there was a lot of very important people in my life that carried huge um parts of my heart that I lost very young and a lot of death. And so I just kept people, I let them close enough um to have a bond or a relationship, friendship, you know, but still very guarded. And yeah, it w there was a big lot of inward work um to be comfortable, I guess. I don't know that it's comfortable because it's definitely not comfortable. Right. Or it wasn't, it hasn't always been. Um just to feel soft, not to feel so guarded. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02I've slowly yeah, yeah. It's beautiful, it's been a beautiful journey. I like watching it from the sidelines.
SPEAKER_03And if you're like, I hope that you have someone close enough to you, because when I was really in the thick of working through this, I wasn't seeing the progress, you know, obviously. But Ashley was. Um, and the encouragement that she was giving me was like, okay, hold on, I am doing this. So it just helped me prolong to do it, just like with the you know, for you with weight loss. People like, girl, come on, let's talk about that. Let's talk about the machines or and other people are saying things to you. It makes you want to keep going. So you've got to let people in, even on the hard stuff. And it was scary to let her in um on all of it, but it was so worth it. And yeah, I would definitely encourage that. That was probably it changes so much in your life. So that's probably my bigger one that has been re more recent.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I will say I I think that you're probably the only person, maybe besides my sister-in-law Melissa.
SPEAKER_03My sister-in-law Melissa.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That knows everything. Yeah. About like there's no there's nothing that I wouldn't share with you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And that's very rare. Like I have acquaintances and I have friends, but like that's like no no secrets. Right. Nothing. So yeah, it's been beautiful to watch this. What about yourself? Thank you. Fitness journey coming from like athlete college working out all the things and then having that break of I don't have someone I don't have a coach breathing to my neck work out. And so but now for me, my mindset is I get to do it. And so while I have the legs and like I get I get to do it. And so I think for me just knowing the benefit of how I feel after helps encourage me to do that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I still struggle with the eating portion. But if I could do one, you know, like but I s I mean I s I'm giving myself grace, but also like I I need, you know, to also do things a hundred percent right.
SPEAKER_03And so it for me it's small changes of taking something away or adding something new or Yeah, well, and you can't when you try to do all of it at one time, it normally doesn't stick. Your body doesn't overdrive.
SPEAKER_02You if your body's feeling like you're holding it back from something it's gonna want it. And so just to do those small changes.
SPEAKER_03Well, not just that, just mindset even. If you're trying to make all of you know, it's like I'm gonna change everything. New year, new me, all of that. It doesn't stick.
SPEAKER_02Um, I hear all the time. Like, do one thing different this week. Like if you want if milk doesn't feel good to eat almond milk, try uh alternative stuff. That kind of thing. Sorry, I'm gonna cut you off. You didn't. Okay. You didn't. You didn't.
SPEAKER_01A struggle no one would guess you have. Oh gosh. Isn't that a tough one? Yeah. Um probably be my weight. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because the things that are said, I'm like, you only know right in your head, yeah. But that's probably one that I don't really talk about unless you're in my little bubble. Um but oh my gosh, all you gotta do is go back through my social media, don't do it. But you can see the f like just how much my weight fluctuates. Um probably been the most consistent in the last six years, but had one maybe six months where I blew up a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Blew up my post-divorce body.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean like best the best part of a divorce.
SPEAKER_02No, the only probably the only good positive of that is is the it's a it's a real thing. It is a real thing. 100%. Yeah, it's like hot girl summer.
SPEAKER_03It was and wasn't even intentional.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03I didn't believe in that, but yeah, it's a thing.
unknownIt's a thing.
SPEAKER_02Same. What about you? So everyone sees this extrovert happy, bubbly, you know, aka sunshine. And yes, and I love that people see that, but there's also an all alternative side to me. Um, because you know everyone has their bad moments and their bad days and stuff too. But there is a side of me that, you know, you know, after losing dad and and depression and like I don't know if I don't know if anyone believes in horoscopes. I don't like I've been told this my whole life that, you know, the Gemini is like the two fish and it's one and it's this and this, and the you're either really, really happy or you're really, really like you're one or the other.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02And but mine kind of fluctuates. I'm more positive probably and more but I when it's bad, it's bad because it there's such there's not a lot of gray area for me. That's exhausting. And exhausting to also, you know, on the other side of it too, it's like gosh, you were just five minutes ago like upbeat and then and it just kinda it kinda hits.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I try to be you know, mindful of that and but yeah, I don't know, there's people just don't know that about me. That there's this like um unless you've been in my circle and that kind of thing. The depression, the the anxiety, driven stuff.
SPEAKER_01But yeah. Yeah. Trying to think what else. What else you got?
SPEAKER_02Lots of no, I'm just gonna I think though I I did read this and I was like, this is good and eye-opening, but focus on the experience around the struggle and not the struggle itself.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, when you think about your overcome, you know, what the things that we can kind of move into that bucket of that's okay, first of all, to even admit the struggle itself is half the battle.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But what can it doesn't have to be a solution, but like what are some steps, right, to get to a point of not solution, I guess, but like to make it where it's not so heavy as a struggle, but you're I don't know, it's more of a you're working on it, you're being proactive with it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You're getting chilly. Sorry. No, please I wasn't trying to be distracting. Not at all. It's not. I was trying to think to um here are some little things that I read that uh I was like, oh, kind of a have you ever felt these feelings before? Because these are feelings that kinda like are icky a little bit. Okay. Have you ever, and this is for everybody, you ever felt jealous of someone that you love? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like rooting a mom, but then in the back of your mind you're like, oh what that's yeah. Being happy for a friend, but also grieving where you're at in life. That's hard because you don't want to you don't want your grief to overpower their moment. Exactly. Yeah. Have you ever knew what you should do but struggled doing it or starting it?
SPEAKER_03Oof.
SPEAKER_02Anybody feel stuck on that right now? I mean me right in the face. Yeah. Sometimes you and you sit into pretty long. Yeah. Longer than you should. Yep. Oof. Getting started with that's hard. What about feeling lonely in a room full of people? Oof. What were we about to say?
SPEAKER_03Sometimes you can even see it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that person has that glare. What about being in a relationship and feeling alone? We've talked about that. Moving on. Miss someone who isn't good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, Ash. I know. Being exhausted, being seen as a strong one. Wanting change but terrified of it. Probably not want to struggle with it as much as much as I'm going to be able to do that. If I want to change something, I'm pretty hard-headed to be like. But also like I can say that, but until like I make the decision, yeah. Do we give ourselves grace?
SPEAKER_03We just literally just said I can give you grace just to try to give it to me. We're normally much quicker to give it than we are to receive it. And I feel like it's something you should say, would you give when you're mad at yourself or upset with yourself and think like change the way you think about it? Would I give someone else grace in this situation? The answer is yes. Give yourself the same grace. Right.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. I know this is unhealthy, but I still do it. I mean, my trip to the Dairy Queen. Drinking too many margaritas.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm better.
SPEAKER_02I will say with this medication for the GLP, it does make you not want to drink as much. Really? I cut back quite a bit. Um it may not seem like it sometimes, but you know, when you're at the pool and you drink so many drinks. Then you count it when you get home, you go, There's no way I've had that many drinks. You flat out called me a liar. That was funny. I go three. Three. I know. Just two. Nope. Eating before bed. Like right before bed. And I don't die like digestion when you're sleeping. Alright, confession. I totally had a bowl of cereal in the setting in bed last week. You ever fell asleep with snacks in your bed?
SPEAKER_03Maybe. I mean I mean my hidden candy drawer is in my room. So I didn't know that I need to find it. And I no. No.
SPEAKER_02Comfort eating. No. Not so much. Spending money when I'm emotionally what's that called? Retail therapy. Retail therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love retail therapy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's probably my new emotional eating. Like, let's go shop about it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Let's shop about it. Yeah. I give this advice all day long, but struggle to follow it myself. Telling others to leave toxic relationships when I'm stuck in one myself. Oh snap.
SPEAKER_01I know. I know.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I'm not in one. Yeah. No. But I mean, like does it happen? Not like that. Right, right, right. Of course. Yeah. But like, don't be put up with that. And it's like, girl, you're putting up with it right now. Girls say bath. Yeah. Hmm. Setting boundaries and following them all the time. Oh gosh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and it's like as soon as you think you're doing so good with boundaries, something happens and it's like, Oh yeah. That's when you get the grace. Like, okay, it slipped, it slipped uh slipped up, but yep. Shut that fence back.
SPEAKER_02Got my grass. Shut it. So I'm gonna end up I'm gonna end with here's the top kind of the struggles that I did some little research on in the 30s and forties. We mentioned several ourselves. Okay. So pardon if there's any duplicates. Who we are outside of being a mom, partner, wife, caretaker.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02Dad, partner, husband.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Navigating dating after divorce and learn-come relationships. These were the top. These are top. Okay. Career change or burnout. That's a big one. Balancing ambition with personal life. Yep. Yeah, the work-life balance thing that we talk about all the time. Mom guilt. In fertility issues. Wow. Raising children and infertility issues, but like dealing str like the struggle that the struggles that come along with it. Right. Raising children but also dealing with aging parents. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Co-parenting. I've seen it done beautifully. I've seen it wor worldware world war three. Gosh. It's okay to say that one again, you know? Hormonal changes in perimenopause.
SPEAKER_01Wow. Okay. Wow.
SPEAKER_02But and all that being said, if we can try to let go of expectations and roles and that and not let that stuff define us. Yeah. These are things that we've talked about that most, if not all, women, deal with at some point. Yeah. Some maybe earlier and later than others. But yeah. The struggle bus. The struggling.
SPEAKER_03But it's got a WFA.
SPEAKER_02But it's got Wi-Fi though. You can still get on the Wi-Fi. On the struggle bus, you can join our podcast still because there's Wi Fi on it.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. That was a little bit I feel like I'm just closing the closing the book. Struggle bus. But ladies, you're scene. We all struggle. Q now have a an opening into our lives of the things that we struggle with. Yeah. So and maybe some of that was new for you, some of that, you know, that you may know us in life and go, oh my gosh, I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah. But it's okay to it's okay to name those things. It's okay to talk about those things. Yeah. So with safe people. With safe people, absolutely. You probably don't want to make it a post on Facebook, but if you do, be ready for some backlash. I'm just gonna I know. Are you warming up a little bit? Mm-hmm. I know. Don't you wish there was like a ton of heat coming from that candle?
SPEAKER_03I mean it doesn't feel bad.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but I need to refresh my water. But anyway.
SPEAKER_03As always, remember You always have a seat at our table.
SPEAKER_02Did I even tell it right now? I don't know. Thanks for watching.