Did She Just Say That?

It’s Giving Stuck

• Ashley and Chesson • Season 1 • Episode 24

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Have you ever looked up and realized you’re living the same day over and over again?
In this episode of Did She Just Say That?, we’re talking about what it really feels like to be stuck. Maybe you’re going through the motions, waiting for motivation to magically appear, repeating unhealthy habits, feeling disconnected from the people around you, or ending every day completely exhausted without knowing why. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️

The truth is, many of us aren’t truly living—we’re surviving. 

Join Ashley and Chesson as they unpack the signs that you may be stuck in a rut, the patterns that keep us there, and the lies we tell ourselves about why we can’t move forward. Through honest conversation and personal experiences, they explore how burnout, fear, comfort zones, and routine can quietly steal our joy and purpose.
Most importantly, they share practical steps to help you break the cycle. 🔄 

If you’ve been feeling stuck, this conversation might be exactly the nudge you need.
Because your life was meant for more than repeat mode.

You will definitely want to pull your chair up for this one and join our table! 🪑 

Love, Ash & Chess 💛


SPEAKER_01

Hello, welcome back to Did She Just Say That? I'm Jessin.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_01

And we're on episode 24.

SPEAKER_00

Holy moly.

SPEAKER_01

We never really talk about that. I know. Um I don't know. Feels crazy. I know.

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy. It feels like we started this yesterday.

SPEAKER_01

It was yesterday. Wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. It definitely feels like it. But we're still going and we love it. Um if you do not follow us, we would love for you to jump in. You can obviously listen on all the streaming platforms. And if you want to watch, catch us on YouTube and join our little community on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok. If you haven't left us a review, we would love that. It does help us. Um so we would love for you to do that. Please and thank you. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Um this week we're talking about being in a rut. Someone hit that refresh button.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like we there's mini ruts and there's rut ruts.

SPEAKER_01

Ones you gotta get pulled out of.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Or a big toe truck.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Of course, yeah. There's different kinds.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I mean, ruts, patterns, like all the things, right? Just something that's on repeat. It reminds me of what's the movie? Groundhog day. You know, when you keep waiting, you wake up and the same day repeats over and over and over and you're like watching the movie and you're like, come on.

SPEAKER_01

Like a little bit too, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Working on that sound a little bit. Trying to.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_01

Like adjust here, babe. See if that'll help. Technical difficulties, sorry.

SPEAKER_00

You shouldn't have to right here. Yeah. It's higher. Hi. Should have this before we started. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I can also slouch down a little bit. Um so yeah, being in a rut, there are think about that. There are multiple ways that you can be in a rut. For sure. Let's name a couple. Okay. And if you think of some too. Okay. Uninspired about things that used to bring you life. Like remember the things like the hobbies and all the things, but it no longer you no longer get excited about it. Saying nothing's wrong, but in fact you feel something's off. Like even walking away from the conversation going, something is off. Something's wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Waiting on motivation.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

Feeling to feel inspired, right? Waiting for that moment.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like with that, and I'm not saying I do this right all the time, but you have to just do it. You can't wait for that motivation. And sometimes it's it is it's somebody coming along saying, Hey, how can I jump in here with you? But motivation isn't just gonna show up one day. Like you have to be self-motivated.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Disciplined.

SPEAKER_01

And discipline comes into that. Um not that I mean, we all have those times where it's just we you don't have it in you. That's when you have to like fight. Mm-hmm. Dig deep. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. Existing versus actually living.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_00

I made a comment the other day and I said, I don't know why. I said, I'm ready to live my life. Yeah. Like I'm living my life, but also I feel like there's this s for some reason I feel this want and need to like maybe it's because like when you hear so many people are passing or things are happening and I just want to grab life by the horns and like shake it up and be like, Yeah, what am I missing? Or I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Real honest, I I'm probably in a season right now where I feel like I'm existing. Um and it's like, What wait w how did I get here? Wait, how long have I been here? How do I get out of here? And happen to that, you know, I was just telling you the other night that workbook, and I think we talked about it in a few episodes back, but digging into that where I'm like, oh my gosh, it's revealing things, but it's also giving me a clearer little like, hold on, girl, what are you doing right now? Um, and probably fighting to get out of that rut.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. The other day I almost suggest this to you like, sis, let's just get in get in the car and just like drive. Yeah. Like to the extent of I think I'm ready for a little getaway. Like just for my mind, my body, my soul just like disconnect and refresh and refuel.

SPEAKER_01

And I used to do that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But also seasons change.

SPEAKER_00

Same unhealthy habits that can be many things.

SPEAKER_01

Oh gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Like constantly, you know, just uh trying to get out of that. You're like, I know it's unhealthy, but it's a crutch or it's something that you just hold on to for the moment. Um speaks very true and loud for me for sure. And then there's the Sunday scary, like, or if you're in a a job that you don't love and you're like that Sunday pit in your stomach, you're like, oh, I gotta go to work tomorrow. You don't feel challenged, you're just going through motions. You want something different, but you're not sure what it is. There's transitional versus relational relationships. Yeah, okay. Like it's more of a you know, transactional, yeah, it's not intentional at all. You're just going through the emotions every depth, no doubt. Disconnected with people and taking people for granted. Just some examples. Some of those speak like real loud and true for me. Oh yeah, for sure. Feelings of constant exhaustion. You know, maybe that exhaustion isn't the lack of sleep or it's but maybe it's your body telling you like we gotta do something different. Yeah, right. We talked about that, lack of motivation. Motivation often follows action. Not the other way around. Absolutely. So you spoke to that earlier, like that speaks very loud. Sometimes it's like you gotta take a footstep. Don't know what step, what direction to make a step, right? But taking that step. What what once felt safe eventually becomes limiting. So just thinking about that's goes back to s some of our earlier episodes about growth and transition.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And so in all that being said, sometimes it's like, where do I start? Like, you know something's off, but you're also like, where do I start? And you and I are speak to me, you know, hope if I'm wrong, let me know. Yeah. We're journalers, like put stuff on paper and write things out. And so that could to me is a great first place to start. It can be words, phrases, anything that just put it on paper and some of the things to start thinking about while you're journaling. And this is just like some action items. Yeah. Because sometimes we look at this and it's so big and you look at it so big and it's like it's hard to chomp off it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. You don't so yeah. So thinking about journaling, some of the th some questions to ask yourself and if you have some to share.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What gives you life? What are those things that when you think of it, you feel that like sunshine on you, or you feel it just gives you like something. You don't have to be actually doing it, but thinking of it. Like if you were doing it, it would be motivating for you. Yeah. What's draining you? What are the things that you feel that are life-sucking? It can be things, it can be people. Yeah. But looking at your surroundings today, what are some things that are just pulling you back or sucking things, you know, sucking life out of you?

SPEAKER_01

Well, and if you have people in your life or someone in your life that is very goal-oriented, very type A, very structured, like go to them, use them as a resource. Yeah. Hey, here's where I'm at. I don't even know the first step to take, or these are what I think I should do. Would you here to just throw some ideas in my way? Because and they may not stick at all, but what they say may give you absolutely okay. Well, I can do this. But and especially if it's something that you know of someone that's doing what it is you're looking at doing, whether it be career or personal goals or life, their relationship with Jesus, whatever it is, ask them because most people that have success are happy to share. They want you like, yeah, come alongside me. I may have a resource. Hold on. I feel like I need to say this. I just spent a weekend on a boat and I am still very emotion sickness. So if I see really off and I'm like doing this, I feel like I'm doing this. I'm like taking extra breaths and like swallowing really hard. Sorry about it. But maybe a signal I have taken more dramatic or less drowsy today than I should. And um, we're just a little on the struggle bus. So if it seems like it, just work with me, not against me, okay?

SPEAKER_00

I feel like the way back and forth with her, and then she wants she's not moving. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like I am like the whole chair is just um I couldn't go any further without saying anything. I'm like, the mic's moving. I assure you it's not okay, but yeah, no, you're good. Good. Um, but yeah, I feel like anyone that has success in something that you are wanting to go into, they're gonna, even if it's just a quick email, like, hey, here are five things to do, or here's a website to go to that can walk you along. Here's some a podcast that just talks about this particular topic all the time. Go listen to their episodes. Um, but yeah, and if they don't respond, I mean, okay, they didn't respond. It didn't set you back, it just didn't help you move forward.

SPEAKER_00

Shot.

SPEAKER_01

Shot mark. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. That's a really good advice. I feel like this is all up in my face now.

SPEAKER_01

It's good. Hopefully they'll hear you better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Can you hear me better? You'll have to let me know later when you hear this, but okay. So questions I asked, those are fantastic. What do you fear for what scares you?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That is a powerful question because when you ask yourself that question, sometimes it's sometimes it's failure. Sometimes it's I don't know if I can handle the outcome or I don't know what it is what should put you in that place a little bit longer.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And so have you ever found yourself sitting in something longer than you than you should? Absolutely. Yeah. And so But I think like I'm hoping that someone hears this message and is like feeling like it's this is vibing with you and it's kind of like a you don't have to have it all figured out today.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But make that stuff.

SPEAKER_01

And social media makes it look oh yeah. But I mean, we're having a different kind of conversation, but it can just be draining. Um and don't just don't get in don't allow yourself to get in that place and compare, well they figured it out or whatever it may be that looks so perfect. Like just worry about worry about you and take in those steps. Let them and who knows what they have going on.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Who knows what it took for them to get where they are exactly.

SPEAKER_01

So just stay focused on you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And a lot of times too, I I feel like journaling is a place to let emotion because I I feel like I'm always preaching like remove emotion from it before you make a decision. I feel like journaling is a place for that emotion to lay that out there. But I still firmly believe in not making decisions when you're emotional.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like sit on it, if you're in it, sit on it for a little bit, so that when you're making you're making a more of a logical decision versus an emotional one.

SPEAKER_01

Go to your safe place, whether it be a person or journaling, praying, whatever it might. Go to your safe place and be able to get your nervous system regulated and and you always want to think about it. Like, yeah, sometimes you just have to go and you just have to do things, but still need to process it to make a wise decision. Um sometimes you make the wrong decision that helps you make the right decision.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. So your path and may not always be this, it might be this and this and this and this, but you know, just trust the process. And maybe even that safe place thing could be a one of the first couple questions you ask. Who, what, and where are my safe places? Yes. So that when you get to that point you're able to to share if you want to share these things with them. So start small putting action with those thoughts and journaling. You know, if if you find something in within your journaling that stands out to you, I feel like you know, when I wake up in the mornings I I feel rushed. Maybe your first step is set your alarm for an hour earlier and give your get that cup of coffee on your front porch and breathe in the morning. You know? Gosh, I feel like I'm talking to myself right now. Um because I always feel that way. And I snooze and I'm like, I've gotta stop snoozing. But maybe I set my alarm an extra 30 minutes earlier, who knows? But um taking one one small step it's almost like when you do that and or like maybe maybe it's you make your bed in the morning, that sense of accomplishment can encourage the process. Can encourage you for that next step or whatever it looks like. So start small. It doesn't have to be a life-changing, drastic, dramatic thing. So yeah. So if you're feeling sluggish, you don't have energy, think of some things. Maybe you um take a 30-minute break every day and go for a walk, or find something again, if if like listen to your body once you do it, and maybe record after you do the action, record how you feel after that. That way you remind yourself later, like, oh, that actually felt really good after that.

SPEAKER_01

And sometimes we were um had a friend, she was like, I could keep feeling this certain feeling. I was like, Well, are you on any medications? And she was like, Oh, I am having to take this right now. And I was like, Well, are you on other medications? She was like, Yeah, I'm like, could be uh affecting it, but and she was like, I never even thought about that. And I know it sounds crazy, but maybe it's a vitamin that you need to introduce or a new, you know, so it yeah, it can be the smallest things and you just don't think about it because you're just going through life.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Busy, busy, busy. Everybody's busy, busy, busy.

SPEAKER_00

Busy as a little bee. Little bees. That reminds me, and I kinda wanna we I think we've talked about this before. I feel like it's like deja vu, I think I've had that a couple of times now, but probably because we talked about it. Yeah. The stigma around like um medication to help your um your mind and your system.

SPEAKER_01

We didn't really go deep in it, but we did discuss a little bit.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. You know, growing up I was very anti because I saw it used so much and I was like that's not gonna be my crutch. And then life happened a lot later in life for me. And my doctor suggested it to me and said, We can do something very, very, very small. And I was hesitant and I told her like this is how I feel about that. And she's like, I understand But what you're going through right now, you're you need you need something to help. Yeah. And for me it was like, Oh, I can just drink, or I can just, you know, that wasn't healthy and and not saying that not saying that they are or not healthy, but there comes a point in your life sometimes where you just need to do something that's you know, and and I did that when my dad passed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And it's medicine isn't for everyone. And it's okay. Um, sometimes it's the season that you need it.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Sometimes you're like, I know that I can't handle that. Try a holistic way. My goodness, there's so many things out there.

SPEAKER_00

Ashwagandas great for your nervous system, like for stress. And so there's yeah, you can't take ashwagon every night.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Supplements. Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But we grew yeah, we grew. I mean, and I know even more of our parents grew up that like medicine was just so bad for you. And I feel like that's back again.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um I don't know. You have to do what's right for you. Side effects, those things can be everything has a side effect. I have a side effect, probably.

SPEAKER_00

Well, they say, you know, one thing can cause another thing, and then oh yeah. We we laughed because we literally had a dad had a medicine cabinet. Yeah. Like just for himself, and it was literally all of his medicines, and he would be like, Well now I'm on this because this affects this, and this, you know, and so we're like, it was just a never-ending you're taking a pill because of the other pills causing it, you know, and so that can be, but yeah, supplements, do your research.

SPEAKER_01

There are lots of nutritionists out there, and and it's fun to do that research because you do learn a lot. And I was like, wow, there's so many.

SPEAKER_00

Bodies are are so unique and amazing.

SPEAKER_01

And some things that will work for Ashley are not gonna work for me, and vice versa. Like, and we know that tangent, so there's that.

SPEAKER_00

It's okay. But let's see, yeah, so record how you feel after you do the action, and if it's positive, embed it, incorporate it, start, let that be your start. Listen to your body. We've said that many a times. Yeah. Intention. Being intentional. And I know, you know, you moms out there, chess, your mom, you get it. Life gets busy and your world revolves around your children and revolves around your your life. And so we always, you know, just and and I'm saying this, but not that I know this life at all, but also making sure that you stop and pause and take care of yourself. Because you're that you're the the engine behind that. And if your engine, if your your tank's getting low, you gotta figure a way to to pour back into that and refuel.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and then and that's not easy. I've we I don't know that we've talked about this in detail, but we have obviously talked about that. But for me, you know, it's it's just me. So I was not, I was completely drained. So I I get up an hour early. That gives me enough time to have my coffee, watch a sermon, and do a quick workout.

unknown

I love that.

SPEAKER_01

And because I want to go to bed when they go to bed. I'm tired, and I would always say, Oh, well, I will have that hour once they go to bed. Well, that wasn't happening because I was exhausted. And for me to be better for them, I had to be better for me. And so it yeah, it took time, it didn't happen every day. Then it became a routine and I didn't need to set an alarm anymore. Um, and even I mean, I think Ashley and I talked about this not on here, but I had my brother was here for a little bit and I was so off. And I was off my schedule, like, and I told her, I was like, I at first it was like Chessam, what are you doing? And there comes that self-doubt and beat yourself up. And I was like, why am I speaking so bad to myself? All you gotta do is get back on track, you know? And but it took time to get back on track again. Um, and then I had my mom out for a week and they didn't do anything wrong. It messed my schedule up. Like I allowed it to mess my schedule up. And I had to get back on track again. Um, and it's not it's okay. I'm good. It no one was harmed, no one lost anything. Like nothing went horribly wrong. Was I a little more exhausted, maybe a little more irritable with the kids? Probably. Sure. Um, but we survived.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And it's okay. But uh especially for moms, we're always like, well, we'll do, we'll take care of our stuff last. Like when I'm cleaning and doing my room is always the last one that I take care of.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

But that should be my first place because that is for me to go in when I go to bed, it should be clean so I'm not going to bed with all of the worry right in my space.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it is always the last thing that I do. I want to make sure that the kids' stuff is done and that the bathrooms are cleaned and the kitchen's been taken care of for everyone else. Um, and so my room normally is the last one to be taken care of. And it's like, oh my gosh, there's a pile of clothes, there's this, that was left out, and you know, you have kids, they want to come in your room and use all of your things, and so there's that part of it. Um, but that should be the first because everything else is gonna get clean too. I'm not gonna let it go.

SPEAKER_02

Great.

SPEAKER_01

But I'm not willing to change my pattern to make sure that I'm taken care of first.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. And I was just as you're talking, I literally got to thinking, I'm like, I'm knocking on an older age because I now can almost like can't get into my bed now until it's made and I have the fresh pullback of yeah. Like I love that now, and to where it like gets in my way of my routine. Yeah. So I really do like I make my bed in the mornings now because I'm like, I look at it, I'm like, oh, it's sloppy if I don't do it, and I beat myself up over it.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and when you come in, it's like oh I already like I did this, you're coming into a front, not chaos.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And if there are other things that are going on in your life, you want to be able to keep as much on track so it doesn't get into that rut that you're trying to fight in an in another area.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So if it is seeing a clean bedroom, fresh sheets with your bed pulled down, like where do I need to prioritize to where this is done? Yeah. Maybe it's I can't seem to have dishes in the sink. So your 30 minutes in the morning where mine is gonna be my routine. Yours is I'm gonna do those dishes before anything else, you know. But it's just figuring out what it is that helps you keep everything else on track while you are dealing with a rut. Absolutely so everything doesn't get into that rut. And then you're like, whoa, hold on, my whole my whole life blew up. Like, yep, that's your smaller ruts, your bigger ruts. Like, and it can still be a decent size problem that you're here, but try to keep that balance with everything else. And maybe it's every single night before you go to bed, you make a list. These are the things that I will get done tomorrow. Um, now if it makes you upset if you don't accomplish every single thing and it sets you back, that's probably not what you need to do. Don't make a list of 15 things knowing that you only have an hour. Right. Like make a list of four things or even two things. Start your list with one thing. Um, but so then you can check it off. You got it done, and when you go to bed, it is not eating at you because I don't know if you do this, but as soon as I lay down, I remember all of the things that I forgot to do for the day. Or sometimes I'll even wake up in the middle of the night in a full-blown panic. Oh my gosh, I didn't get this done, I didn't get that done. And then I can't get back to sleep. If you look, there's a little drawer right beside of my bed and there's pen and paper in there. Because when that happens, this came from my therapist, but when that happens, yeah, I just write it down, put it back in there, and so it's down on paper. I won't forget it because you know you're gonna forget it if you were waking up in the middle of the night. Um, but it's on paper. You can go back and look at it and you can get back to sleep.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. And it's not your little phone lighting up and flashing in your face, and you know. Oh, yeah. So that's something y'all thought about that. You thought about I'll just do my my cell phone.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'll just put it in my notes app and then you have a notification on something, so then you check your notification and then you're doom scrolling and three o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_00

That light keeps you awake because it's a light keeper upper.

SPEAKER_01

A light keeper upper. Yeah. That's what it is. We're not gonna say anything else about it.

unknown

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00

The f the future version is built by what you do today. Don't wait for the motivation. Same actions, equal same results. If you want something different, do something different. Yeah. And if the only thing that you hear in this whole thing is that you're a mom or you're a dad and you're running at a thousand miles a minute, it's the slow down and fill your cup back up so that you can be the best version of yourself, whatever that looks like. So you know, this is just like that little pause, that little pause that you might need. I love that little necklace by the way, it says pause. It's like a little pause thing that just reminds you like stop just for a moment. All right, we're gonna do a little like rehash of examples maybe that we went through previous ruts or just small examples. Okay. So whatever comes to mind.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Is there a rut that you want to share or you felt like you were in that kind of sticks out for you?

SPEAKER_01

I need to go first.

SPEAKER_00

I can go. Well, I've had time to think about this.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I think my f what the first one that comes to mind, because we did not talk about this, um probably completely starting over after my divorce. Um, I mean, it was find a house, find a job, find your people, furnish your house. I mean, you need a can opener, you know, just everything. And I was blind, I mean, e every single thing. And I remember overwhelmed. Yeah, I remember my first night staying in this house with me by myself. And I looked around and at first I was like so overwhelmed. And I was like, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna do this? I don't even know where to start. And I didn't even have a sofa, I don't think, that first night, because I laid in the floor on a yoga mat. I was like, but it's mine. I can make it what it needs to be for me and my kids, and it is mine, and God will provide. I danced, I sat outside in like a folding chair from the kids' sports that I had, and I just took it in. I paused instead of we I mean, we had been cleaning and moving and all of the stuff, and I sat and thought I went to every single bedroom, and I was like, I may not have it all. My kids have a bed, they have their TVs, everything that they need, the essentials they have, and I have the same. We're gonna be just fine. And that huge rut just back on and looking around was still a rut. I still didn't have it all together. I still didn't know where how life was gonna happen, but it got smaller, and then I made a list of these are the things that I can do without leaving the house that are gonna make me feel better about it, and these are the things that a little at a time I'm gonna chip off. Um, and just a few weeks ago we were setting upstairs, the kids and I, and I don't even remember the conversation, but one of my boys, which is so weird because you know, boys don't really pay attention to things, one of my boys looked at me and said, Mom, I would have never imagined that our house would look like this.

SPEAKER_00

It's homie.

SPEAKER_01

And I said, Well, what do you mean? And he said, When we moved in, I was scared. And I said, Scared, and he was like, I shouldn't say scared, he was like, it just wasn't what we were used to. And I said, I told you it just needed love. And I have there have been projects that has made me cry that has made me feel like, how am I ever gonna finish this because I don't know what I'm doing? I'm doing things that I have no clue how to do. But I did them. Some of them I had to ask for help. But we as a family made this house a home. And every single project, the rut just gets smaller and smaller, and now it doesn't so much feel like a rut. Sometimes it's a headache. Um, but that's when I have to stop and say, But you did it, girl. Like this is where you are now. So I would that was a really long answer, but that was probably the one that sticks out the closest.

SPEAKER_00

Or what physical or emotional feelings did you have in that moment that you were like?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, emotionally, I was like, I don't know how to do this. How do I do life?

SPEAKER_00

Like overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01

So overwhelmed, so overwhelmed, and just will I be able to do this? Like hooking my washer up. I mean, just crazy things, or yeah, I can change light bulbs and I can paint. God bless you.

SPEAKER_00

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and ooh. Maybe a little bit off. Sorry, my chin is scared me. Um definitely just and there was even a fear of for a second, at first it was like, I'm I'm here by myself, and it's fine. Then it was like, oh, I'm here by myself. And I've got to know how to protect myself, I've got to know what to do, like just things that I had not had to think about for a very long time. And yeah, and then when I, you know, lived alone before it was just me. No, it's like I have four kids to protect, I have four kids to provide for, I have four, you know, all of that over and over and over again in my head. And physically I was exhausted. Um, thankfully I had great friends that showed up and helped me clean and helped me figure out how to do certain things, like putting things away, just that kind of stuff. But I was physically, absolutely exhausted. I feel like for a month.

SPEAKER_00

Um that month probably felt a lot longer.

SPEAKER_01

It felt like years in ways. Because there there's just this double, there's a freedom, and then there's real life. You know? Right. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What's one small change that that you would give someone that you would offer yourself when you were in that moment? What is one piece of advice or one thing that you would have go back and tell yourself?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you're gonna get through it. You're gonna get through it, and when you do, you're gonna know who your people are that showed up for you. Um and some of those people won't always be your people. That's but in that season you're gonna know who your people are. And if you don't get it all done, it's okay. It is okay. I mean, I remember I mean, there's still so many things about the house that needs to be done and all of that kind of stuff. But I remember thinking, I don't even want my friends coming over because it just looked so empty and so you know, and so it's just open the door, let the people in, create memories. And some you may be by yourself, dance. Oh my gosh, turn on the music. Like if you were a kid and there were songs that you loved that maybe you shouldn't listen to in front of your kids, when they're not there, turn them on and like let go back to that place where there was just freedom and fun and no worry whatsoever. Because even if it's just for three minutes of a song, yeah. Go there because it's gonna motivate you to get the next project done, to take the next step of what you need to do. Um and yeah, you're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00

So sophomore year of college, going into my junior year, had two years of college under my belt and had a scholarship in volleyball. And I remember, you know, I love love, right? Right. And then making the decis the the decision to go to my coach and say I'm no longer like I'm gonna be getting I'm gonna get engaged and I'm moving and this and that. I didn't think about what I didn't see it as a loss. I was fo so focused on the future and what I was gaining. And I just remember one of the first feelings, I know exactly where I was when I got the text message. And I remember all the feelings of getting that text. And one of the first things that I asked myself or that I that I felt like yes, there was hurt, yes, but then there was a guilt and there was uh a shame, like shameful, because I had worked so hard to get that scholarship.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you know, just I will say like the one of the biggest fallbacks from that was a financial decision. You know, from school, you know, having student loan debt and all the things that built up after that because of giving up that moment. And so for me it was just um, you know, I can I can remember like that being one of the first things. It wasn't the I mean, yes, I was sad that I was no longer getting married, but I was like then I was like looking back and I'm like, I didn't even think about what I was giving up.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I was thinking about what I was gaining. And in that moment, yeah, it was all about what I lost.

SPEAKER_01

You said something I don't think we talk about the shame that we carry whenever because normally if you're in some kind of rut, there was some kind of decision that was made. And now it's not always. Yeah sometimes it's out of your control. But that shame, I mean, it's how do you feel like you worked to let go of the shame from it?

SPEAKER_00

For me, it was I had worked hard for that moment. And so when it all hit the fan and things settled down, my first instinct was you've gotta get back up and work hard again. And so it was signing up for classes. I took a little time off from school, took a found a job immediately, started working, and I just remember that I I signed up for classes, went started going to school again, not with you know, not playing volleyball anymore, which that was missed my volleyball friends. I missed that um it was a part of my day-to-day life, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Your your whole life changed.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, for sure. And so, you know, put my tail between my legs and went back home and lived under mom and dad, you know, lived with mom and dad and there was shame in that, you know. I was in college and living on a dorm, kind of into myself, and now I'm back under mom and dad. And so there was just so much like but I did tell myself and and mom and dad were very the rule was you can stay here and but you have you have to work. You can't just and go you know, go to school. So for me, that was a no-brainer. I was like, I'm gonna get back on track. And so yeah, doing those things and I just remember finishing my bachelor's degree and walking across that stage and I was just like so excited about it because it wasn't the traditional four year like I got across the stage, it was you did it. Yeah. You went through heartache and you know, but full support and I'm so if I never think to my parents, you know, I know I did, but but um and my brother and and my family just helping me support through all of it. So so yeah, I think looking I mean you've said it spot on, like you're gonna get through it. And so how to dig deep, you know.

SPEAKER_01

In the midst of heartache.

SPEAKER_00

Sure. And and you know easy it would have been just to been like I'm just gonna sit here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna start doing unhealthy things or I'll say I'll just keep this job, it'll be fun, I'm not gonna finish school, I've already lost volleyball. Now you play volleyball for fun.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And that's fun. And yeah, and so I I think that there's lessons learned. I mean, when I was young, I made that decision at what was I had sophomore years, like twenty, twenty-one years old. Yeah. I mean baby still. Yeah, you know, and so um I understand now why parents you know, say con you know, hold I know you love 'em, you know, and but just kind of think through. Um and now look back and I just think that my parents did the very best they could with that moment because I was in love. You know, and you couldn't tell me any different. And so Yeah. But yeah. And that's just one that sticks out for sure.

SPEAKER_01

But so if you're in the middle of a rut, just know.

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, now's the moment. Yeah. Make a plan. A lot of times mini ruts are not always d dramatic and drastic, often disguised as maybe maybe a busy schedule, a lot of responsibility, and you taking care of others. Find time for you. Definitely find time for you. When you thrive, others around you thrive.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And we've talked about that so much, and it's so true. I feel like we will always talk about that. But if you're not taking you cannot pour from an empty cup. That's right. And the yeah. You want others to thrive around you and you want to be a part of it.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

What you bring into the table.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01

I love it.

SPEAKER_00

I just feel like even if you're if it's not d a drastic change in your life, maybe there's something you feel that's missing and just just think about it. Just dream. Dream dream. What happened to dreams? And you know, we're never too old to have dreams. And I think that we forget that. We think that dreams are when you're younger and we just don't get told as adults to dream.

SPEAKER_01

No, you don't. We don't. It's set goals. What's your goal? And that is part of like a dream like you that it starts with dreaming it up and then then set the goal and all of that, but don't Don't stop dreaming. Don't stop dreaming.

SPEAKER_00

Don't stop believing, but don't stop dreaming. I don't know. Don't be breaking a song.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_00

I know. And always remember You have a seat at our table.

SPEAKER_02

Well done.

SPEAKER_01

I'm still rocking.

SPEAKER_02

Oh.

unknown

Don't rock.