That's Your Stuff, Babe

Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering, “Wait…how did that become my fault?”

Sometimes what feels personal, isn’t personal at all.

This week, we’re diving into one of the most relationship-changing topics we’ve ever discussed: projection. We unpack what it is, why we do it, how it quietly damages our relationships, and why it’s often easier to point a finger than to face what’s really happening inside of us.

But here’s the twist, we’re not just talking about the people who’ve projected onto us. We’re taking an honest look in the mirror and asking where we’ve done the same thing.

This conversation is equal parts eye-opening, convicting, and freeing. Because healing begins when we stop making other people carry the weight of wounds they didn’t create.

So grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s have the uncomfortable conversation that just might change the way you see yourself—and everyone around you.

As always, you have a seat at our table. 

Love, 

Ash & Chess

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Have you ever had someone accuse you of something that made absolutely no sense until you realized they were actually describing themselves? Hey. Welcome to D She Just Say That.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

I'm Ashley. And I'm Justin. And we are coming to you uh live. We are on on all social platforms. We are on YouTube. Um, we're on I I never get this one right. It's okay. YouTube, Spotify, Apple, all the streaming. Amazon, iHeart. Mm-hmm. And I didn't say devices this time. I know. Well done. And we're also on all socials. So yeah, Insta, Facebook, TikTok, all the things.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Follow us. Join the community.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Leave us some feedback. Give us some reviews. It helps. It goes a long way.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

So that was a pretty I mean Yeah. I felt that.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Of the episode? Yeah. Hold please. That's your stuff, babe.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Babe. So we are talking about projection. Projecting. Yeah. I'm sure you've probably already thought of a situation as soon as you heard that word of hmm. Yeah. Somebody did that to me and But and that's probably true. What you may come to find out throughout the episode is you may be the one projecting sometimes too. And we're gonna talk about it. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Especially an emotional state.

unknown 1:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

I thought this is a hard one.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

This isn't one that Well, it like when you hear the word projection, a lot of times people are thinking like, oh, this is a psychology class. Great. Um but it's something that we see every single day. What's what do you think of whenever the first thing that you think when you hear projection?

SPEAKER_03 2:18

That I mean, first thing is someone's guilty of something, but they're accusing you of it. Or I mean that's the first thing comes in mind.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Well, and I don't like this word because I feel like and I don't hear it as much anymore, but there for a little bit I feel like people were throwing it around like crazy as narcissists. And for some reason when I think of projecting or projection, like sometimes that's yeah, that's one of my first like oh yeah, a lot of narcissists do that.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

When I hear women or men say like they're act like accusing people of cheating, I'm like that to me, someone's that that's very, very they've either dealt with that before in their lives or they're doing it themselves and they're thinking that you're doing it as well. So that that's like one of the first things that come to mind.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Yep. Um, so like projection is when you take something that you're struggling with internally and then you place it onto someone else and you're unwilling or unable to even recognize it and see that it's within yourself. Yeah, not them.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

That's the hard part, I think, of projection is because it is so it's it it's self-awareness.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

That's the hardest part.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Well, absolutely. Um it can be vague, it can be emotionally charged, it can be character-based.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Um it exists because you won't release it internally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Um, but it can be done unconsciously, like you have you don't even realize that you're doing you're doing it. Um it can also be done to manipulate like a manipulation tactic to control a narrative um or to shift the blame onto someone else. Um, I feel like the controlling the narrative, like I don't know if it's because it's something that I have dealt with before some in a situation, but like as soon as I heard that and I was like, oh yeah. Um I can accuse you of lying because I'm being dishonest.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

I may call you selfish because I feel guilty. Um, I may assume that you're judging me because I'm judging myself.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Um, it's less about who you are and more about what's happening inside of me. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

I mean a lot I and I feel like insecurities. That that that fits in there. Um we I we just had this h I or I we didn't. I just had this happen.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

I literally just thought of that story the other night.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Um so goofy. Like this is I can't believe I'm even gonna admit this on the podcast, but we're being honest. Um, well that was weird. Um I have people ask me all the time if my hair is fake. Never has bothered me. But it's never bothered me. It I laugh about it. Uh well, I mean, I don't know. It's never been something that's never been a thing. Well, I guess because it's long. Maybe like people are like, oh, people don't grow their hair long anymore, or at my age. I don't know. Just be real. Um, never ever has it bothered me anything like that. And we were going somewhere, I decided to wear my hair up, which I never do.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Um twenty baby.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Which I did not like. I was thinking the nanny chick, and I was like, but anyways, it was really hot outside.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

Really good impression.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

It wasn't on purpose. Um, it was really hot outside. Uh I never like fixed my hair up. I guess I'll say I'll throw it up in a bun or whatever, and it is what it is. But I tried to do like a messy bun or something. I don't know what I was trying to do. I did not feel confident with it. And on two different occasions, I'm a really good lip reader. Um, you know, got all those kids, you gotta be able to read lips. And on two different occasions throughout the evening, I saw people saying, but her hair is fake. It bothered me so bad about it for a little while. For a little bit, which I was like, I don't know why it bothered me, but it obviously it's an it was an insecurity.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

What if she was insecure about her hair?

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Well, you do remember somebody that was with it was like, that girl's hair's thick, and I'm like, well, hold on, calm down. Like, we're not gonna escalate this. It was something that I had to work through, but it was because of an insecurity. Like, I didn't feel confident with my hair up like that. And but also her end too. But if my hair were down and I saw her flipping that, I would have not even brought it to the table.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

She's probably finding someone to even say that about.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Right. But it's just the the projection, the way that it can be on so many different sides, and she both ways, yeah. It could have been like if I said out loud the thing like on here, like both people were blah, blah, blah. Both both people were that that that because there were sure characteristics that were the same in both people that it came, but that's that's me projecting back on them, where realistically it was obviously an insecurity that I had. But yeah, I don't know why that one popped up immediately. I guess because it was fresh. Yeah, fresh. Yeah, just happened. Yeah, yeah. Um have you ever been accused of being controlling when you were just trying to set boundaries?

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Absolutely. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

I mean, we talk about that one quite a bit in my life, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Um have you ever been told that you don't care when honestly you care too much?

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

That one stuck out to me because that happened um for me with someone that I I mean there's nothing that they can ever do that will make me not love them. And uh they told me that I didn't care about them.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

And I'm like You have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I probably cared too much and maybe have but I knew that it was I knew it was projecting. Yeah. Um but it I mean we we talked about it multiple times because it it rocked me.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Um because that's something that is very important to me. And we talk about this stuff and I never want it to come across like we've got it all together because we talk about this stuff because either we have done it or we have been dealt it. Um and some of the stuff we talk about both.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Or could be going through it in in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

There have been some that we have been going through, and it's like, man, this is really hard to talk about because we're in a season of it that at the point at that time we weren't comfortable to to share details. But um this stuff is not like that we have it all together, it's things that we feel like aren't talked about enough that we are either, like I said, dealing with, dealt with, or going through it.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

They're dealing with it.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

And we want to talk about the things that like I want that person that's sitting there wrestling with all of these insecurities to feel seen.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Um, not there's something wrong with me, I've got to get this right. Maybe there is still something wrong that you need to work through, but maybe it'll just jolt something that will push you to do that. Um those were some of the things that like that really stuck out to me. But what do you have? Something that you would feel comfortable with?

SPEAKER_03 10:37

Rejection stuff?

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Oh yeah. Um, I mean relationships. Absolutely like all relationships really in my life.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Like with you know, when I was dating someone, I mean Are you talking about romantic relationships right now? Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Yeah. But like in all relationships in general, I've like there's been projection situations. Um but yeah, I've I've been accused of things where I'm going like what? And then come to find out later that there was a reason they were they have struggled with that before in a previous relationship or and or they were dealing with it in their own world. So, but like with I don't know, my talking about creating boundaries with, you know, I mean it we talk about all the time, and with my mom, you know, like and I don't think she would care that I would share these this information. That's why I want to be careful about that. But mom and I were navigating a relationship together after my dad has passed. And it is we are for the first time having conversations and going through things that we've not been through yet. And maybe you're going through this after you've lost a parent as well, and trying to navigate the relationship. So hopefully you hear this, but we have been struggling trying to figure out the the barriers and the um and it and I feel like I'm being controlling with her, and but I'm truly just setting boundaries for myself so that I can be a good version of myself for her. And so by saying things like please ask me for things rather than demand them, or the way you talk to each other in a respectful manner, like those are boundaries that need to happen for us to have the relationship. So absolutely I felt I felt controlling in that, but also it's like I've heard her say like I hear you, like she's she's hearing it, the message. So I think projections there's manipulation behind it, yeah, but it can be used for good at times.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

But that's a whole oh yeah, mind what about work projections?

SPEAKER_01 13:03

I've had some I've had some bad uh struggle with maybe like a direct uh boss because of past Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 13:21

For sure. We do a lot of stuff like so one of the things like that at work that we talk about are your strengths and your so like I'm not direct and so I have you know, people in my department that are and they handle certain things. I'm the peacekeeper coming in the behind and I'm the person that comes through and and are you good? Like let's talk about it, like kind of the good cop in the situation, but it works out fine. Yeah, but absolutely like projecting, oh gosh, I know I've come out of a meeting before and been so frustrated because it was coming at me, going into my next meeting and coming at that person because I projected all that energy that came my way and I projected it out, and I'm like, hold on, like this person's doing not done nothing to me. They're just trying to get my time for whatever. So yeah. I feel like in in every part of your world you can have.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

I mean, there are times where I will project onto my kids something from my day, you know, and it's like, hold on a second. Yeah, they were um person cut you off in traffic.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

I mean, we probably spend a lot more of our time than we think we do at projecting, honestly. But I do think that the self-awareness part is being mindful.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Well, I think some of the reasons that people project is shame, insecurity, fear, guilt, unresolved trauma, pride in wounds that they haven't healed. Um people project because admitting the truth is too painful. Yeah, but um who wants to look at someone and say, I've been lying. Right. So you accuse them of being a liar.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

It's harder. Yeah. It's easier to do it. It's easier, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Um because that involves authenticity and and real.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

But there's a cost. That can cost you your marriage, friendships, your workplace, your church, dating relationships. I can and I love that you brought this up because I have this in here. It can even cost you relationships with your parent or your children.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Oh yeah. I I just think about how many relationships have been destroyed from projection. Right. And w and I don't mean to make light of that word. Uh to me it's a heavy word. Like when I think of projection, like what it looks like, I can't tell you, but it's heavy. That word's heavy.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Well, once you s once the projection starts, you're no longer talking to a person. Right. You're arguing with someone's fear or someone's insecurity or someone's past trauma, like it's a verb. It's it's yes. Yes. And so I mean, then you start feeling like you've been gaslighted, and you know, what what is happening? There's all that confusion for you in your head.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

All those buzzwords come up. Yeah. I mean, we hear that all the time. People are like, they're a narcissist, and I've been gaslighted. Like all and I hate to say that people can overuse those words. Well 100%. But it all stems from a lot of that from projection.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Projecting.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

And when you hurt when you're not healthy, you don't even realize that you're I mean, I've absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

I know.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

You don't need yeah, you don't need to defend yourself in it though. You don't need to explain or prove yourself. Um, clarity doesn't argue, and truth doesn't require performance.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Oh, say that again, please.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Clarity doesn't argue, and truth doesn't require performance.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

That's good. I feel like I'm at church.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

This that's good. That's good. That's good. Can I get an amen? Right here. Um, your best defense is, you know, when someone is projecting onto you. You want to stay calm, you want to stay grounded, don't accept their false guilt. Um, remember who you are, what your values are, your actions, and your truth. And if they're projecting to a point where you're starting to get confused, like, is this true? Am I doing this stuff? Or where is the truth in this? Start documenting it. Yeah. Write it down. Because at some point, you know, there has to be a conversation, but you need to be able to keep grounded and so go back and look. Okay, no, that was the truth. That is what happened. And it's not that you have to prove it to them. You don't have to prove your point, but you've got to make sure that you're keeping yourself healthy.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Facts, facts, facts.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Um, this might be controversial.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Okay, I like it. No, not really. We don't do that, but okay.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

But if you're an empathetic person, right? Empaths. I don't know. Some people think that empaths are it's like witchcraftery stuff.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

I've heard that before.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Oh, never. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Yeah, people are like, oh, when I think of projections test, like I've heard that people are like, they think that, you know, what is it? The the wolf moon and the that poor girl on that date. Anyway, some people think that those are like you know what I mean? Like empaths. People look at that and they're like, oh. But um, I can just say this, I don't know how much I believe in all the things, but I do know what is real and feeling for me is that I can feel projections and I know they're coming at me, and I have a hard time not absorbing that. I absorb a lot, more than I cared to like admit. And so, yeah, I that's something I struggle with, honestly. The projection thing is yeah, it's heavy. That's why that's why I said earlier it's heavy.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Yeah, yeah. For me, I have to, and you know this about me, I have to sit back and think, 'cause I'm like, hold on, did I do that? Did I say and you're like, Trustin, that is not what, and I'm like, but let me double check because I am an overthinker. And it's so crazy because I'm not a perfectionist in so many ways.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

But with my character, like, I want to be the first one to be like, hold on, no, I mess up. Like, give me the opportunity, let's talk about it. I wasn't always like that. Um, but whenever I'm not sure where where the truth is, I'm like where's the truth? This is it really messes with me. Yeah. Um, and I've had to hold on, let me go back and look through this text thread. What that, you know, the text thread you never want to have to look back through.

unknown 20:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Or let me go back in my journal. Because Ashley's like, Jessica, know this. And I'm like, I don't I don't know. Like this is what's being said to me. Um, but you you have to stay grounded to remember who you are.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

So that's key.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

And I think what I learned in therapy, she was talked about when someone's projecting on you or speaking to you and it's not truth. You almost have to like pretend that there is a clear like boundary around you. As those words hit you, they fall. Yeah. Instead of you welcoming them and opening yourself to them. And so when that's happening, I have to literally take myself to a place where no, I'm not I'm gonna shield. I'm shielding myself from it. Yeah. And so those are just some It's not easy. No, it's not at all. Especially people pleasers or people that want to create the peace and you know, and keep peace. Those tend to be people that, you know, have a hard time with that too. So Yeah. Absolutely. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

So it's real easy to talk about it on that side and to listen. And then like I said, to think you can already think of a situation um someone has projected or you've dealt with maybe even some trauma from it. Let's flip the mirror around. I know, right? I have had some hard realizations when I've projected my past onto people who did not live there to to receive it. So as much as we talk about people projecting onto us and you kind of said this earlier in there, we probably do it way more than we think we do. Um intentionally, yeah. I've assumed motives. I've read into silence that I didn't need to. I've expected someone to hurt me because someone else did before. Um I've interpreted actions through old wounds.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

I have absolutely projected. And many other ways. That's just a few examples. Um but sometimes whenever we're when we talk about this kind of stuff, it's always, yeah, that happened to me, or somebody did that to me. We want to go a step further because we want to be healthy. We wanna we wanna be growing, we wanna unpack the hard stuff so you're not staying in that rut and stuck and feeling like you're all alone. So we wanna we wanna look in the mirror too. When have I done this? When have I been the cause of the situation because I projected? Yep. Um and if you're doing the work and you're trying, it's probably from unhealed wounds. It's not malicious, it's not those things, but sometimes it is, and you need to you need to check yourself if that's what it is. Um you're just going around hurting people and hurt people, hurt people. Yeah, and that's not okay. Um, but sometimes it could be that you still have yeah, I I tried to like shit. Yeah, I'm no here we go. I tried to um date when I was not ready to date. And I mean, wasn't on a hot mess expression. I had no business trying to date.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

I talked to someone for a short, short minute and had really good intentions of I'm communicating and I'm telling you all the things, and here's where I'm at. And I felt that I put all my cards on the table, and still it looked like in the very end that I was being malicious or not myself, or and I'm like, you don't know how hard I try to like be very real, like probably the most upfront and honest I've ever been in any type of situation.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

You had no business being in this situation though. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

So again, short-lived, but I had no ill will, and it turned out that person, so I'm like projecting question mark?

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Yeah. I don't know. For me, mine was more of my nervous system was pretty regulated, but some of the projecting that was coming out made me turn and one totally mess me up, but two I wasn't handling things the way I know in that stage of life. This has been a few months, but in that stage of life that I would have normally handled them. Um and it was like, okay, yep, I still have no business trying to do this.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

Just if you are already going into go back to this whole time, if you're already going into the dating world and you're already thinking, because I've done this before plenty of times, heart heartbroken already. You're not over the heartbreak from before and you're carrying that into it, you're going to project. It is almost impossible not to, unless you are healed in that spot where you can start fresh and start new. How many times? Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how many times I have carried over previous relationship drama and heartache and burn and hurt and carried it right into the next thing. And it's like that person didn't even have a daggone chance, you know? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

So Yeah, it and you don't think about it, it's like, oh well, they did this and they did that. And I think I called Ashley and I was like, Yeah, I mean there were there were reasons, like I'm not downplaying that, but I was like, I I had no business trying to do that. Yeah. Like what was I thinking?

SPEAKER_03 26:41

Like I was loving you through all of it. I was like, girl, just it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

It's fine. Yeah. Oh it happens more often than not. Yes. Well, I wrote down this. It says, should we focus on healing and changing our situations to keep from projecting? Healing requires confession and sometimes humility.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

And I probably should have told them, like, I'm not ready today. That's okay. Um but I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

Well, and and sometimes too, we think we can we can just sometimes we look to people for other people to heal us sometimes. I think that I think this will heal what heartbreak can hurt us.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Don't you think that's the type of projection that's production? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Yes. It is projection. And that is a lot of pressure to put on someone. That you're gonna care, you're gonna heal my heart.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

I hope you can so real good. That's Jesus' job.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

That's right. That's for Jesus. What was it? What was the little meme that says, unless Jesus comes down and says, Hey, I gotta tell you about my homeboy. Right. Then I'm not I'm not ready.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Right. Yeah. Doors closed. Doors closed. Seats taken.

SPEAKER_03 28:02

Yeah, you can't sit here. You can't sit here.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

What else do you think about projection?

SPEAKER_03 28:09

This topic is just so there's so many levels of it.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Oh this is very surface level, which you guys can probably pick up on. Um the deeper that it got, I just did not feel like we were equipped enough to go. Um, we would need to bring somebody on.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

I would love to revisit this on a deeper level. Bring someone that's like some of it. It it hit. It hit too deep to be able to say, let's talk about this in front of whoever wants to watch. Um I tell Ashley all the time that I'm like, I'm I think we're both getting more comfortable sharing and stuff on the podcast. I was like, but man, we're either setting ourselves up for a great love story or horrible failure.

SPEAKER_03 29:03

Or like we are so crazy, we can't even well, they're gonna get all of our insecurities.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Or they're like, uh yeah, that's a hot mess I don't want to be a part of, or it's like, okay, I know all this stuff and I think I can handle that.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

Like what one way or another. I mean, if you if you are seriously, like someone could really, really play this really well and use that against their in their advantage, or they can completely mess with because then we're gonna go to this, we're gonna say, You remember that episode? We're gonna hold on for a second. We called ourselves out. We did.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

So to wrap all of this up, this week, instead of asking, well, who's projecting on me? That they just projected on me.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

They blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Like what we would normally do. Let's ask, are there any ways where I'm projecting onto someone else? Um, because if you want to be treated better, then you treat better. If you want different reactions, react differently. So just take that with you this week.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

Um you want to gain respect, give respect.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Yeah. So just instead of always looking at what everyone like can do for where am I projecting onto someone? Maybe it's my kids, maybe it's my parents, maybe it's um my boss or my coworker or my employees.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Um What is it? It's not what you can do for me, it's what you can do for your country.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Isn't that good?

SPEAKER_01 30:42

So what definitely. Well you just got you a reel. You knew it too, didn't you?

SPEAKER_03 30:51

I didn't I didn't think I said it right.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

You didn't. That's why it's gonna be a reel.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

Oh, great.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah. It's gonna be great. Um, so yeah. It's a good topic. So let's let's let's split the sort script and see what comes up. Um, I think that healing begins the moment that we stop assuming everyone else is the problem. And the reason we need to understand most of it is ourselves. That's who we need to understand the most is ourselves. So if you're like, nope, everybody else is doing it and I'm perfect, um, that might be where you start. That's a good on you. Yeah. Put your focus on you. Um, not saying that you may be in a situation where it is all projected onto you and you are very much so, I don't if you notice we did not use this word one time in the episode and I was so glad victim. Um but there are some situations where you may be the victim. Um that's totally different.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

But there are times when you need to remove yourself, some yourself from people and situations because it's there's projection is coming at you so so much that you're just like, I can't if it's if it's causing you angst and your system had a whack, yeah. Maybe it's time either have the conversation with them and s and talk about that what's happening or just no.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

It could be it could go south.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

It could go south real quick. Or and if it does, then if you need to remove yourself from that situation and that person sometimes that's the best thing you can do.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

But I like that. Take a look at yourself.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Yeah, start with you. That's okay. It's okay to start with you. You don't always have to like look in the you you need to look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Start with you, that's good. Well, that's all that's all got out.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

That's all I got to say about that.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

And remember, we always have a seat at our table.