Too Much for Some. Too Little for Others

In fourth grade my teacher wrote, has potential on my report card. In third grade I got straight A's and the kids were mean to me. I talked too much. That was written on my report card too. 

Too much for some. Too little for others. Always somewhere in the middle trying to be just enough for everyone else. I dated men I could control the outcome with because it kept me safe. Clocked in at Corporate America and let someone else decide how much my time was worth. I once told a guy I could run and that was obvious in the first 5 minutes trying my first uphill run. 

This is the episode about the pretzel we twist ourselves into so that other people are comfortable. About where we hide our sexuality, shrink our power, and tone down our intensity because the room punished us for it.

You were never too much. You were never too little. You were always perfect.

Transcript

0:00

Hey, gorgeous. Welcome to episode number three, letting the room Calibrate to You. This is about visibility, quantum tunneling, and the magic that becomes available when we stop shrinking. Stop playing it small. I want to tell you about this story when I bought my Mercedes, not because I think everyone needs to have a Mercedes to tell you how successful I am, et cetera. I bought a Mercedes because I absolutely love cars. I grew up with my dad working on cars. He would buy a car for a few hundred dollars that was either sitting in someone's yard. Or a car that someone couldn't fix and they gave up on it. My dad he had this engineer mind and he could fix anything people would bring cars to him. That other people weren't able to fix. He was always able to, put his hands into it and spend either a short time figure out quickly or commit to it for half the day and figure it out. Growing up around cars and riding in them and allowing me to fall deeply in love with cars. When I took myself to the Mercedes dealership, after I got back from a trip. Sometimes I think being on an airplane changes us. The thoughts, the frequency, ability to clear our mind, clear our calendar, but really create that physical space. Empty time to connect with our desires. But anyways, I think it was a short trip. I might've landed back from Vegas, had on, jeans, a zip up hoodie, tennis shoes. I wasn't dressed, completely fancy. Went to the Mercedes dealership in San Diego. When I came there, there was a guy who greeted me right away and, I saw this Mercedes on the dealership floor. It was beautiful. It was the coop. They make very few coops. They make thousands of sedans for every version of the coop. It was the two door. It had the huge panoramic sunroof that Mercedes makes which I need to be able to see the sky and the sunshine. It was had the AMG package, it had the sports pedals. It was incredibly sexy design and when I test drove that, the speed of it, the way it accelerated, the torque, all of it, and it was black. I loved this Mercedes. I ended up signing the papers for that Mercedes. When I was in there asking the guy, I said, what made you think that I was serious? He said, oh, let me tell you a story. A guy a few years ago, came in he showed up on a skateboard, kinda grungy. The salespeople dismissed him. I ended up speaking with him and selling a car to was Tony Hawk, which is the reminder that we don't dress for other people. We're not performing for other people that we get to be credibly anchored in ourselves. Another Mercedes story. Because over 11 years I bought Four Mercedes, and I hesitate, was it four or was it five? Not important. When I was at the Mercedes dealership in Newport Beach. The guy was telling me, I pulled up right by the front and as the salesman, he said, we always judge. He said, I always judge by where people park their confidence level. They said, what do you mean? He said, people that pull right up to the front and you know they're serious, they're confident. He said, the ones that park on the street and they walk up, aren't really certain if they should be here, et cetera, which just makes me realize where do we put ourselves? Street level versus where do we pull up? In front. He went on to say, there was a kid that came into the Mercedes dealership in Newport Beach and. He was asking to test drive the cars or asking about the cars, and he said, I can't let you test drive it at 16 without your parent here, but let's talk about it here. He said, I can drive it for you and we can go on a test drive. He said, you probably know more about this car than I do. It was some version of a G wagon, but the one that was like fully loaded and the higher end everything. He said, because I treated this kid so well, he said his dad came back a week later and bought him. This vehicle just paid cash for it, 140,000 or whatever it was. He said his dad had told him that if he got straight A's that he was able to pick out whatever car he wanted at the Mercedes dealership. He brought it in and his dad was president of one of the larger national or international corporations that was anchored out of Irvine. But nonetheless, just notice when you hear that story of someone's father writing a check for them for whatever car they wanted. Do we think, oh, that's too much? my first car Was ridiculous. If struggling money mindset was a car, it was that little car that I had although it was reliable. But it wasn't the picture of sexy, like the red Mustang that I bought myself a few years later. Any who? Back to the love of cars. Oh the whole purpose to that. Saying the Mercedes, it's, I bought it for myself. I never posted a picture of the Mercedes. I've even had to dig through my camera of, oh, can I even find pictures of my Mercedes? No. The one with the AMG, the beautiful light interior and the sports pedals and the sexy body design. The one that when I would drive it that people would literally turn their heads, what car is that? Because the design, because Mercedes only made a few of the coupes for all of the sedans, and it was like thousands to one. It's like ourselves, that we get to be this sexy design that can we walk, can we stand anchored in our presence and allow people to look? Just because people look doesn't mean they're allowed to touch. It also doesn't mean that we need to shrink. I. I didn't have to avoid driving my Mercedes down the street because I thought, oh my God, people are gonna look. Nor was I doing it for performance. It wasn't about other people. It was just for me. That's what real visibility looks like. Its presence for yourself, not performance for an audience. When we get to live that day by day, then I think we have less of those firecracker moments of, okay, I'm gonna be present. I'm gonna be fully embraced in my feminine goddess and power and all of the beautiful gifts the divine has given me, then I'm going to hide under my blanket fort. When we stop shrinking and realize the presence is for ourself not performance for an audience, not shrinking for an audience either. That's the real visibility, when we start to live in our truth, freedom. The knowing, here's what I've lived, guys ask me out in the wild almost every single week. Not because that I'm trying, and not because I'm seeking it, because I'm in my presence. I don't walk with this big sashay of my hips. I dress pretty modest when I'm out when I dress up, it's for me. It's funny because I could be wearing anything. I can wear jeans and a casual top. I can wear workout clothes. I can feel like I'm dressed like a complete hobo, not on my way to a girlfriend's birthday brunch, and guys will ask me out. They're really attracted to our presence. It's not completely about looks either because I've seen women that don't fit the Vogue Magazine look have attracted more guys and more sex than most. It's our divine feminine and embodiment of who we are. That deep core inner our knowing that ripples out. When we talk about rippling out, sending that energy, that frequency of how do we do this in these moments of knowing. I went to the DMV yesterday afternoon. There's a $330 late fee on something I've been avoiding. That's a whole story of self-sabotage for another episode, but also, like really ridiculous. I don't know why I put that off, but however, I made it not important to me. Go to the DMV. I was thinking, this gets to be easy today. I'm going to talk with someone that can help reduce my fees. Then I thought about it. That's so ridiculous. Why don't I just picture a hundred percent of my fees waived? All of it. Why not? When I set that intention, and I'm sitting at the DMV. I watched one of the employees snap at this guy. She says something very mean. He snaps back and tells her she's being a little shit. Walks away from her and I watched this interaction and I thought, I'm not going to look at it. I don't care. She's not going to be the one that helps me. I pictured Instead, I'm going to get the sweetest person that is so kind, that is so helpful, and I'm going to get a hundred percent of my fees waived. When I got up to the desk she told me what the fees were and I said, is there any way we could reduce it or remove this? I looked at her just almost like telepathically, like it's gone. Like it's already done. It's already mine. When I looked at her, she blinked at me and turned her head a little bit sideways and she opened up her drawer, slipped out a piece of paper and slid it across the desk to me and said, here, fill this out and sign it. I looked at her, filled it out, and I signed it. She read one sentence. It was basically one sentence of can you waive all of the fees? She slid it back to me and said, can you also write on there, I've never been late before, which I hadn't, that part's irrelevant. If you've been late before, you could still ask for fees. When I hesitate sometimes of going so far into the mechanics of how I did it. I don't like doing that because there is room for all of us to get exactly what we want and the mechanics will show up differently for each of us. The stories that I have about the Mercedes, I bought that when I was a single parent, if anyone had an excuse not to do it, it was me. Either I can say, oh, I wasn't able to do that because I was a single parent. Whatever lie culture is selling to us, we have the opportunity to say, no thank you. Return it back to sender. The fees were waived. Because we walk in our knowing, we don't look at the obstacle. I also bought a house within 60 days as a single parent. I think it was around like 2007 or so when I bought a house. It was one Easter. My ex-husband. Actually two of my exes were there at a family party they said, oh, look at her. She's always lived in an apartment. I immediately got so pissed. I was like, internally, externally, I didn't say anything. Of course, because I wasn't that bold. I was busy bottling it up. But when he said she's always lived in an apartment, I thought, this needs to change. A week or so later, we went to an Easter egg hunt with my children and my ex-husband in front of them, and everyone else said, oh, she's such a bitch. My mouth dropped. I was so broken hearted, not, I didn't defend myself, and no one else there defended me either. I think in those moments that it's the universe if someone else would've defended me. Then I would've always relied on someone else to stand up, to speak for me, to defend me. I got to look at that as a lesson. In hindsight, of course, I didn't look at it that day as a lesson. Look at it as a lesson in hindsight of how can I use my words and stand up for myself? It doesn't mean that I need to become. This crazy emotional hurricane and match him calling me a bitch instead, how can I energetically stand in it? Even the question of why would you say something like that? Especially say something like that in front of my children. When we can ask those questions to people, we get to be grounded. I would encourage you to have something like that in your back pocket, that if there's something that stuns us, instead of choosing silence, is there a question of why would you say that or why would you ask that? I've done that to people before they've asked things and I say, why do you ask when I think it's inappropriate of, do your, all three of your children have the same dad? I would say, why do you ask? Is it? Because if I tell you that they're all from the same dad, you say, oh, that's fantastic. Oh good. At least they all have the same dad. Or if I say they're all three from different dads, then you're like, oh, she's a slut. Okay, I'm a slut because I've had sex with three people. It's which version of the story, none of it is your business. Any who. Back to what I've learned from these things of buying the house, buying the Mercedes, having the fees waived at the dealership. I play with this game all the time. It's called quantum tunneling, and it's proven by science. I know how they say proven by science, okay? Proven in physics, scientifically environment with atoms. They put an obstacle in front of it. Imagine the wall that they put in front of it, the atoms do not work harder. So it's not hustling, it's not clinging, it's not trying more. Instead they move through this perceived obstacle, this obstacle, and the atoms appear on the other side. I think it's so much of what a lot of the wealth coaches teach when they say, okay, it's the embodiment. You don't have to go fucking bankrupt buying the G wagon. Or take pictures in front of the G wagon It's being so incredibly focused on it, and feeling your frequency and without buying or doing anything else, it's who you're being. Quantum tunneling, the atom appears on the other side of the obstacle. Not about the hustle, not about your push through. This is where we take the woo woo and we get to make it practical. What mountains do you have that appear as obstacles? Is it an ex? Your circumstances? Your current bank account? Is it where you live? What is the mountain that you are looking at and are you willing to not even see that? That's where people call it becoming delusional. Be so committed to what you want on the other side of this perceived obstacle. Stop looking at the current bank account. Stop looking at the relationship, the living situation or the patriarchy, which I think is a bullshit excuse that you, hold on. Okay. It's a male dominated industry, okay? That's when I've made the most amount of money. Why are we going to use that as an excuse? Instead, can we look at it and say, okay, this thing might be a challenge. This is a piece or a part of it. The invitation is, let's start feeling what's on the other side of this. What it gives me is the. Ability and the knowing that I can hold the frequency of what I desire before it arrives. I can feel the luxury, I can feel the love, I can feel the freedom in my body. I live in a multi-story building, when I went down to the mail room, someone had left the restoration Hardware catalog on the counter, and I thought, oh, the picture on the front is so beautiful. The ocean view, the luxury. It just feels like luxury. The pages and the matte finish. This catalog feels beautiful, the frequency of it. When I opened the first few pages, it just felt like something in my body elevated it. I thought, oh, I'm gonna go and flip through these pages even though I don't have the $38 million mansion to place the furniture yet. Patio with the pool and the view of the ocean and the mountains. So gorgeous. When I had the catalog in my arms, I rode the elevator up with a guy. On the other side of the building, I ride the elevator and the guy beside me said, did you get that catalog from the mail room? I said, yes. My face slid up. He said it out loud, oh, everything in there is really expensive. He said, I saw it laying on the counter. He said, all of that is really expensive. I said, meh, a shoulder shrug of, that's irrelevant to me. Other people's version of expensive, but also, eh, and, but notice how he saw it and said, oh, that's really expensive. He left the catalog there and I saw, oh, this is beautiful. I felt the higher vibration and the frequency of it. Notice that where other people, if they start to put their limitations on you, can you still hold the frequency of what you desire before it arrives? If you and I planted a flower in your garden, literally in your backyard or in a planter in your home, we wouldn't keep digging it up every day in check. Is the flower ready to bloom? Is the flower growing? If we were digging it up every day to take a peek at it and check on its progress. I don't think it would do very well. We would probably end up killing it, same with our dreams. We could end up killing our dreams if we keep checking on it and instead can we trust that what you planted, what you sow, you will. Reap. It's in the Bible. In all the ancient text. New thought books. Trusting there's that delay between the frequency of what we desire and when it comes to us, it can come quickly, as quickly as quantum tunneling that it can pop through the other side. It's the reason why one day I was at work as an employee. Then one or two weeks later I had my own company and I showed up as a CEO and my company, if I sell it on the internet though of, okay, one day I was an employee. All you have to do is fill your bathtub with champagne and get in naked in all the champagne bubbles, buy cases of champagne, and fill up your bathtub with it and soak in the champagne and the money will flow to you. There's still that need for us to move through it and flow with it and allow things to be magnetized to us. If I hid out in my bathtub for a year, my life would not be very accomplished. It's that balance and trusting that when we get to play with it. Yes, we can sip champagne and have long baths, and balanced with the things we embody, who we are and the moves that we make. Here's what's possible for you. You do not have to earn your desires. You don't have to perform for the room. You don't have to perform for Instagram. You don't have to perform for the guy. You don't have to perform for the algorithm. You don't have to become an absolute fucking circus monkey, and you don't have to fight the mountain. What you desire wants you too. If you believed that, and what if it's already here? The invitation, remember your power. Remember that it's okay to have those Marilyn Monroe presence. All the time. You don't have to have these moments, then go hide under a blanket fort, have this moment of presence and visibility, then go hide in your closet. How can you become anchored in your presence? If you want support as the woman that you were called here to be, book a call with me and or join the community. Play with being seen. Play with being anchored in your identity. Play with no longer seeing the mountain. Reminded of all the desires the possibility on the other side of this. What's on the other side with quantum tunneling is the potential. If any of this resonated with you, please book a call. Click on the link below. I would love for you to stay in my world and us to build the community of incredibly amazing women that get to support one another. Love you so much, caio for now.