The Woman Who Stopped Asking for Permission

The Boardroom.
Building a business. 
The lovers.
Being a single mom.
And holding all of those parts at once.

Because the truth is most women are multi dimensional.

In this episode, I talk about what it looks like to stop asking for permission

In relationships.
 In business.
 With money.
 With your voice.

I talk about:

— why situationships only work when you’re honest about what they are
 — how delusion is what breaks them
 — why your words and your energy have to match
 — the difference between fitting in vs. being aligned
 — how I learned to stop dimming myself to be accepted
 — why clarity is your responsibility
 — what it means to choose something — or walk away

This isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about being honest.

Because when your identity is aligned…
 you stop asking for permission.

And everything starts to move differently.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Tonia Ann: I am feeling like this should probably be a series for me called Lovers and Friends. Considering I've been on a hundred dates, I have a lot of topics to talk about. It's going to be a mix because I'm wondering how do I talk about all the multifaceted parts of me of being in the boardroom and having lovers and building a business and being a single mom and.

[00:00:35] Building a company, making multiple six figures and building a business again this year that made a profit where people say, , in this economy and this industry is competitive, I'm talking about face-to-face clients, not just the digital marketing and coaching, it's the face-to-face business again that I'm building.[00:01:00] 

[00:01:01] How do I talk about all those multifaceted parts and pieces of me?

[00:01:07] It's my belief that there are other women that have all these parts and pieces that they're balancing and dealing with as well. I tend to attract a lot of my coaching clients that are married, which is wild to me because I think I'm single. You. It seems like I would have more of my single clients coming to me.

[00:01:31] However, it's the married ones of how do I navigate all of the parts and pieces and staying grounded in my identity and who I am. I think that's probably the commonality between them. That's the common thread of how do I balance all the things in my life as a woman? All of the demands, all of the energy that I'm offering to other people, when to stop that energy, prevent the [00:02:00] energy leaks and the over giving.

[00:02:03] In my last episode, I talked about situationships and saying it out loud when we're just friends that it wasn't a surprise to me. Maybe it was more of the sting of hearing it out loud. What I wanted to talk about on that one, a follow up when people say, oh, why do you choose, a situationship.

[00:02:26] It's because it's what I want. It was what I wanted at the, in those moments, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen it. One of my dear friends, , a few years ago, she said, I want to introduce you to. Some of the guys that you know are friends with her husband, they play rugby together. You should come with me to one of the games. She said, there are a few cute single ones that are really good guys. I told her, I'm not looking for anything serious. She said, perfect. They'll love that. And to some degree it's like, eh, [00:03:00] there, there is. Uh, an ability or a desire for me to be selective in it.

[00:03:07] Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm going to spend time with everyone else that wants to spend time with me or everyone else that is single or anyone else that would ask me out on a date. The answer is not always yes, the answer is. Is it right for me or is it right for me right now? I think the problem that comes into situationships is what I talked about in the last episode.

[00:03:36] If one person is delusional, then it f*cks up the whole thing because there needs to be an understanding of are we living in a fantasy or is this exactly the, the lover and the friendship that I desire to have in my life right now? It becomes hurtful when I've seen it in my life with [00:04:00] either myself, where I've had a few months of delusion or with girlfriends.

[00:04:06] When girlfriends have a fantasy of, oh, I know he really wants to be with me, but he's saying this. There isn't really interpretation. Guys are so f*cking clear on what they say. They actually say what they mean.

[00:04:20] Different than women. Sometimes we say, Nope, I'm fine. No, we're not fine. Can we start to put words into what we really feel, allowing our words and our emotions to match. We want our words and our emotions to match and our thoughts, our thinking, our alignment, our values to match when we're in the boardroom.

[00:04:43] When we speak that with clarity at work, wherever you might be, office cubicle, boardroom with your children, our words and our energy match. If we tell our children, you can't have hot Cheetos for [00:05:00] dinner, but you say it with that ambiguity and you say it with a question mark at the end without certainty.

[00:05:09] The children know that they get to have hot Cheetos for dinner. Based on our energy behind what we say and the certainty with which we say it, it needs to be the same in our relationships everywhere else. We show up in our identity, allowing it to be aligned and allowing it to match. We're able to put words to what we say, which is quite different.

[00:05:36] I used to get smacked in the mouth all the time, growing up for talking back. I remember every report card had written on it. She talks too much and now I talk for a living. Okay, good talking too much didn't work well in school. It wasn't designed for me to talk too much. I was supposed to sit there and listen and memorize the [00:06:00] answers.

[00:06:01] It wasn't designed for someone that talks too much, someone that stood out too much. It was designed to blend in. Whenever I stood out too much. I learned that I get picked on, girls start fights with me. Then people are mean to me, and I learned to dim it down. Let me be a little bit less, let me blend in a little bit more.

[00:06:29] Instead of straight A's and they'll call you the teacher's pet, let me start to get C's, or let me be the class clown. Let me be friends with everyone. Let me contort myself to be friends with everyone. Every time we moved around school to school, I learned how to become the new person to blend into that culture, that school, it was different States

[00:06:56] the United States, it feels like a lot of different [00:07:00] countries. There's such a different behavior in each State. People in Florida act differently than people in Newport Beach act differently than people in Columbus, Ohio where I was raised. So I tell people, oh, the Columbus, Ohio, where I went to elementary school, raised with the Midwest values.

[00:07:20] Then I moved to the South. Southern Bell. Was quite different in Memphis, Tennessee, growing up in the south, and I used to have a really strong southern accent, moved to California and in junior high I was opening up my locker and I turned around and there was a half circle of eight girls. They tapped me on the shoulder.

[00:07:48] I turned around, look at these, girls that are standing there looking at me and they say, listen to the new girl talk. I looked at them and I said, what are y'all talking about? I had no idea that I had a Southern [00:08:00] accent. But I learned how to quickly get rid of that, of, oh, that's not the way they talk here.

[00:08:07] I didn't even realize I spoke differently. When I went back and visited friends in the South, because my dad still lived there, all of my friends said, oh, you talk like a Californian because I was saying the word, "like" they said that I sounded as if I was talking through my nose.

[00:08:23] Anywhere I went, I learned to become a version of me that fit in. As opposed to where I've created the most magic in my life, the most, success was being the aligned f*cking version of me without anyone else's response or without their approval, without their permission. The permission comes from within.

[00:08:50] We get it twisted. When we begin to outsource that, when we start to think, oh, I need one more coaching program, or I need a boss, or I need a [00:09:00] lover, or I need a friend to tell me how much I can be, how much further I can go, how big I can become, all of that is bullsh*t. There's a remembering when we step back.

[00:09:13] We pause and we know that it comes from within. It's our identity. So back to the delusion of fantasizing. In this situationship, a friend asked, how do we know a situation ship is over? It's over if it feels like it's taking from you more than it's giving.

[00:09:38] The same as any relationship that you decide to choose into. If you're feeling as if. The lessons are complete. Lessons are learned. Some situation ships, some relationships are not meant to be forever. They're meant to be for now. [00:10:00] There are exes that I've had in my past, and I'm thinking, thank God that it didn't work out with them.

[00:10:05] The lessons were complete and it was time for me to move along.

[00:10:09] So with this situationship, if you are fantasizing too much, instead of letting it be exactly what it is and it feels good to you, then you stay in it. If it's a really, if it's a person you care deeply about. And it works for what's in your life right now, then you do it. If it no longer works, then it would be time to reevaluate it.

[00:10:39] It's the same way with jobs, with relationships, with friendships. Sometimes the lessons are complete and that everything we were meant to learn, the purpose that it serves. Is over. However, if it's not [00:11:00] over and it feels really good to you, we stay in it.

[00:11:04] Look at it this way if you can picture. A few months from now, or one year from now, would you be happier knowing that this relationship was over? And if you can picture that, yes, I would be grateful that I ended it, that the relationship is over then We do the hard things today for what we want tomorrow if we stay in a relationship just because there will be temporary pain today.

[00:11:34] Or we don't know how we'll get through the hard parts of it. However, what we want on the other side of it is for that relationship to be over. There's an opportunity for us to withstand the pressure and hold the certainty that we've got ourself, that God has us, we will be okay. We do the hard [00:12:00] things today because it feels good tomorrow.

[00:12:04] We go to the gym today, feels better tomorrow. Lift the weights and we build the muscle. Be really clear on what you want. This is the same with lovers, with relationships, the boardroom. Clear on what you want. If we're not clear on what we want, someone else will decide for us. If it's a situationship, what do you wanna get out of this? For me, I've had the situationships

[00:12:34] that works well because I'm focused on business and I right now don't want the demands of anything else that will distract me from what I'm doing.

[00:12:46] I know that's also something for me to work through. Do I look at relationships as a distraction? Probably because when I look at the past of the men that I was attracted [00:13:00] to, I ended up on the other side of relationships where I overgive too much or was a magnet to narcissist and they loved. Making sure at the end of it, I had nothing left.

[00:13:14] I didn't recognize myself. The physical things were gone. My life had completely changed because it was a slow boil so much that friends asked me, how did that even happen to you? You were one of the most determined, confident, successful women that I know. And how did that happen? It doesn't even make sense to me.

[00:13:39] One of those moments of, thank you. Would you like that knife back in that twist? Yeah. I didn't recognize it either. And it was this slow, inch by inch where I overgive inch by inch, where I ignored the red flags, tossing them over my shoulder [00:14:00] one by one. Until I paused and turned behind me and noticed that it's a huge mountain behind me.

[00:14:08] When we notice those things, it's what price do we pay before we draw a line in the sand and say, enough is enough.

[00:14:16] When I go through relationships right now. It's eyes wide open of, am I available for this? Is this what I desire right now? And the answer is yes. If it's not what I desire, then we don't do it. The other point is knowing what you offer. I was talking with one of my friends and I said, women know what they offer.

[00:14:44] We know that we're this portal of creativity. We know that we're this life giving this energy. And don't get me wrong, I know that I would not have this life if it was not for a man as well. I'm not one of the women that [00:15:00] thinks burn down the patriarchy and. Women are going to rule instead, I know that there's beauty in partnerships.

[00:15:10] I know that there's beauty in the masculine and the feminine. It's not masculine that's toxic. Toxic behavior is toxic. Women can be as mean as men, they can be as toxic as men. It's a mistake if we say that all men are toxic. No, they're not.

[00:15:33] Men are incredibly powerful. They're protectors. They're loving, they're giving, they hold the containers for us as much as they can hold a door open for us. They can spoil us. They can give to us. They can be in partnership with us. They can sit side by side with us. They can show us strength. They can show us softness.

[00:15:56] They can.

[00:15:57] Allow us to be [00:16:00] ourselves. There's so much beauty in the masculine and the feminine partnerships.

[00:16:05] If we think dating this year is impossible, or dating is the worst it's ever been. Part of that is the consequence where we've destroyed men in culture in the headlines where we say everything is pitted against men. It's like, f*ck then are you surprised we can't neuter the dog? And then wonder why there's no fight left in the dog?

[00:16:35] Say, okay, you are, you're walking around, you've emasculated your man and. You have his balls in your purse and then you're pissed that he's not acting like a man. Okay, well then I get to start to look at my behavior. What have I done where I've emasculated my man? What have I done where his, I've showed him his, too much [00:17:00] gets punishment.

[00:17:01] It's the same as us as women where the world showed us in moments where too much. Was worthy of punishment. We dimmed down a little bit, which is ridiculous. It's time for us to remember our power as women, as men, and stop punishing them for being exactly who they're designed to be. If you're designed to be too much, be too much.

[00:17:31] If you're designed to be more of the quieter one. Be quieter if you're designed to, as a man, be a man. Same way as women, where we get to be women.

[00:17:46] Know what you offer as a woman. What you offer as a woman is that. Safe place. You offer that creativity. You offer that feminine energy. It is life [00:18:00] giving to men. It is. They love that softness. When I've been in the relationships with men, they say, you are my place of calm. I don't bring chaos to their life.

[00:18:14] They already have hard things. They already have demands in their career. They already have the pressures of providing, of being a man, of holding it together. All of the pressures that are put on them, they already have those things. They don't need additional pressure from me. So can I just be myself? Can I be in that receiving feminine?

[00:18:37] Can I notice the beauty? I do, I notice the sunshine. I notice the rainbows that land throughout the day. I see rainbows almost every single day, and it reminds me that I'm in the right place at the right time. Also reminds me to pause and breathe it in and feel the higher vibration, [00:19:00] feel the frequency of it, feel the beauty of it.

[00:19:02] And I bring that to a relationship with a man too, that I can be with him. I can pause in those beautiful moments where he gets to exhale,

[00:19:12] but know what you offer. It's not a small thing. As a woman, you bring a lot. Be careful of overgiving because you naturally bring so much, you don't have to do anything. It's our Be-Ing the way that we rest in who we are and the aligned version of ourself. That brings everything to a relationship.

[00:19:41] Everything. It brings everything to the people around us. It's the way we could smile at someone out in public, the way we can offer a hello or wish them a good day, whatever it might be, we're being, and that gives so much more than what we realize.

[00:19:59] [00:20:00] Life and relationships are not happening to you. If we think that a situationship or a relationship or life, our career, our bank account, our cash flow, if we think that any of those things are happening to us. We're missing our power. We're missing the opportunity for us to choose the money in your bank.

[00:20:26] Where are you telling it to go when you receive that money? Where are you telling your money to go? Or do we sit back and allow it to happen to us? Are you either putting it in a savings account and you're getting pennies per month, or are you looking for ways to invest your money? Do you know exactly how much is in your retirement account?

[00:20:47] Do you know ways that you can reduce your tax liability to stay ahead of the game so that your money is having money babies. You hold the container for your [00:21:00] money and you tell your money where to go.

[00:21:02] Life is not happening to you. Relationships are not happening to you. Money is not happening to you. Money loves to be held.

[00:21:10] If we're not holding the container of it, the container, the same way we hold our presence in relationships, the same way we stand in our knowingness and our certainty of who we are. If we're not holding that with money, then money, we're not going to be a magnet for more of it because the money will say, oh.

[00:21:33] Well, she said she was afraid of money, or she thinks more money is more problems, or she thinks money creates evil. No, the f*ck it doesn't. Money only amplifies who we already are, so when I'm generous, I can give more with more money. When I've made the most amount of money I've given away a car. And I wonder now, I [00:22:00] think that probably make and model is probably like $40,000 or so.

[00:22:03] I paid it off early. I paid it off within four and a half years. Then I donated that car. Money amplifies who we already are.

[00:22:11] Start to notice what beliefs did we grow up with around money. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car and my dad would, we would drive through the areas with the most beautiful homes that looked beautiful on the outside, differently than the smaller apartment that we lived in

[00:22:34] I loved the older homes in Memphis, the way the columns were, the. The beautiful windows, the architecture of the buildings, and I would look at it in admiration of the craftsmanship. My dad in the front seat would say, oh, the snooty rich people live there. And that belief became entangled and my [00:23:00] belief system where I thought, oh, if I have too much money, then I'll become a rich, snooty person.

[00:23:07] No, money only amplifies who we already are. Start to notice that. Is it more money, more problems? What are the things and lies in culture that would be disempowering to us if we picked those up and held onto them? Some of them creep in without us even noticing. If you wanna know what your money ceiling is, look at your bank account.

[00:23:32] You'll find out right away. Look at what you made last year. That's your ceiling. How can you expand what you're able to receive? How can you expand what you're able to hold? I

[00:23:45] ask for what you want. Ask for what you want in a relationship from a lover, at work- ask for what you want. Sometimes we think, it's [00:24:00] not going to be important. I'll dismiss it. When we dismiss it, it can become that energy, that stuck energy inside of us. Same way you would shake a two liter bottle of soda, shake it, shake it.

[00:24:14] We're ignoring our needs. Ignoring our wants. When you open that, it explodes everywhere.

[00:24:19] We don't need to wait for the explosion to ask for what we need,

[00:24:24] if we need a phone call or if we need a video call, if we need an in person visit, if we need more. In person time together. If we need, honey, can you take out the trash? Ask for what you need instead of waiting until we're upset about it. Allow it to be a balance though. Do we need to care that their boxers are on the floor?

[00:24:52] Okay. Does it really mean that? Anything about me? If the boxers are on the floor, does it really [00:25:00] change my entire life if the boxers are left on the floor? No. And do I want someone telling me where to leave my makeup on the counter or zip up my makeup bag, whatever it might be. Do I really want someone micromanaging me?

[00:25:18] No, we're grown adults. We don't need someone to micromanage us.

[00:25:23] The invitation would be, can you let those underwear on the floor moments go

[00:25:28] the same way they let things go with us? I know that I am imperfectly perfect. I know that there are things that can drive people crazy. Can they ask for what they want? Okay, this drives me bananas. Can you please do this differently? I had the opportunity to say, oh, that's just the way I am. Or I can say, yeah, let's make that happen.

[00:25:56] I didn't realize I was doing this thing. Yes, i'll work on [00:26:00] that. Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

[00:26:03] When someone brings something to our attention, are we going to annihilate them or can we pause and say, thank you so much for bringing that to my attention. I didn't even realize that I was doing that. We can bring it with that same calm, that same peacefulness. When we have a conversation asking for what we want.

[00:26:23] We don't need to wait until we explode. We don't need to cry and manipulate to get it. Instead, how can I stand in my power and ask for exactly what I need? In business relationships, it's the same way. There are times where I've been in the position of authority. I had employees . There are times when I've hired contractors and they report to me.

[00:26:46] There's that level of authority and being a single parent to three young men, boys at the time, now they're men, and that position of authority, it's somewhat easier, [00:27:00] quote unquote, to ask for what you need. However, can you do it as a partnership? Can you do it where the person is truly allowed to choose into it and say, yes, that works for me.

[00:27:13] I'm willing to do that, or No, I understand that that's a ask. However, I'm not willing to offer that you have that same freedom in your personal relationships and your work relationships, their ask. Doesn't mean that it needs to be what you offer and you're able to change your mind at any time.

[00:27:37] I've heard of women saying, we were having sex and I just wanted it to be over with and we're done. I was thinking, why? In the foreplay, you knew you didn't want to have sex with him, you just told me that. So in the foreplay, you decided you didn't want to be intimate. However you allowed it to continue to go down [00:28:00] into that path of intimacy where you weren't feeling present.

[00:28:06] We need to give ourselves permission. Even in those moments of saying, you know, I really don't want this to go any further, or I'm not feeling it right now, or this isn't working for me. Even if we've offered those things in the past doesn't mean we need to continue to offer them. We get to check in with ourselves and is this something that feels good to me today?

[00:28:31] Is this something that's going to feel good to me tomorrow? Intimacy can be the most beautiful thing.

[00:28:37] When we choose and when we're selective, if not selective is your jam, do that too. Whatever everyone, you just do you when I'm selective, it's I choose into that relationship. I choose into that partnership. I choose into those moments. We still give ourself permission to choose out of [00:29:00] them as well.

[00:29:01] When we say yes, when we choose to be intimate, I'm choosing to be present in the moment, all of me, and noticing that, and I'm one of those rare people where I could feel. Everything, the same way I feel a sunrise or a sunset or the beauty, the same way I can look at something beautiful and it can bring tears to my eyes.

[00:29:26] When I went to the Chaco Canyon. By the way, if you have not been there, it's one of the most beautiful night skies in the United States that I've seen so far. I've been to all of the states, except for I think eight of them, maybe minimum 42 states. Chaco Canyon was one of the most beautiful night skies that I've seen.

[00:29:53] When I got out of the car that night on this solo trip. Millions of stars. [00:30:00] It was one of the most beautiful things that I've felt, and I cried looking at the beauty in it.

[00:30:07] Can we allow ourselves, our body to feel the good as much as we feel the pain? Can I allow myself to feel hurt? And healing. Can I allow myself to feel the joy and disappointment? Sometimes I have to hold the duality of both of, oh, this is really hard and this is. Playing the long game or this is a bridge for what I want.

[00:30:40] This is not the job that I wanted to be in this year. However, it's a bridge to where I'm going to be at in the future. Sometimes we hold the duality of today. I don't wanna be here, but I do want to go there. We hold the [00:31:00] duality of this is really painful, and at the same time, I love this person dearly, and so we hold the duality and both can exist at the same time for us. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

[00:31:15] What needs to be present is the groundedness and the choice of you being aligned. And grounded in who we are in our identity. That I know, that I know that this works for me, or I know that I know that this does not work for me. It's a choice.

[00:31:35] Another thing I want to mention is that

[00:31:38] closure is one sided.

[00:31:40] It's a mistake. If we think we need the other person to discuss the way the relationship went, the way they felt about us, the. Why did it end that way? Or why did they do the thing? Or I need to tell them that I'm ending it because of X, Y, Z. There are times [00:32:00] where I've ended a relationship with a guy and I said, this doesn't work for me anymore.

[00:32:05] This is not a match for what I want. I don't need to tell them that it's X, Y, Z, because those things. Were part of their character, things that another woman would think are the most beautiful parts of their personality and character, and would love them deeply for it. And I knew if I stayed in that relationship with him that I would feel he was not what I wanted, that I would be under appreciating him, that subconsciously I would think that I'm better than him. How ridiculous and selfish would that have been if I would've stayed with him for the convenience? Because he spoiled me. He treated me well. He was the best boyfriend. Checking all the boxes. [00:33:00] And all of the things worked well.

[00:33:01] However, if I was selfish enough to say that, oh, it's inconvenient to be single, or it's inconvenient to say this relationship has ended, then what? I'm going be selfish and keep him to myself when, no, there's someone out there that was meant for him who thinks he's amazing, who thinks he's a king, he's going to spoil her because that's his nature.

[00:33:29] There's nothing that she would lack. There's nothing emotionally, physically, that she would lack. And why would I want to withhold that from her or from him? The person I'm thinking of, he's in a relationship. It's funny because I saw, on social media, I saw the relationship and they look so cute together.

[00:33:53] I don't know, we, there are billion people on the planet. There's someone for all of us out [00:34:00] there. There's no shortage. If you think, I can't find anyone. Okay, what do we need to do differently to become the woman or to become the man that attracts what you desire? It starts within they say as within, so without, and what that really is, it's the older language that means what's on the inside is what shows up on the outside.

[00:34:28] We live in a matrix. Everything that we have in our life right now is because we've created it. When we take that radical responsibility and know that we are the creator, we get to shift it and we get to create exactly what we want and we stop letting life happen to us, and instead we start creating exactly what we want.

[00:34:53] We start creating it in our relationships that we desire. We start creating it in our careers. We start creating it in our [00:35:00] money.

[00:35:00] And knowing too, that if there's this pause right now, I'm single, that there's this pause. It's exactly what I want. If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would be in one. I don't even know how I feel about marriage. However, that's another topic for another time. Right now, I'm not gonna open that can of worms because I've already been speaking for a bit.

[00:35:28] Yeah, , and then that nervous laugh. I'm like, well, just reveals everything now. You know all my poker tells. . The other thing I want to mention in my notes.

[00:35:39] Is you don't have to burn the whole thing down to end a relationship. We can walk away with it. With Grace, we can walk away and say, thank you so much for the lessons learned. This feels complete,

[00:35:53] that if we feel this relationship has momentum, is this going to be the last time? Is it [00:36:00] time to end this one, you'll know when it's time to end it. You dig deep within and you make the decision. When we look at that relationship that has closed in the past, or closed today, closed yesterday, closed years behind me, when I look at those relationships, I can thank them for the lessons learned.

[00:36:23] I will record another one about, being cheated on in my marriage and, what that, meant for me. I could have gotten on the bitter bus. "Aaall aboard the bitter bus" Instead, I can thank them for the lessons that I learned, the things I learned about myself, the things I'll never do again.

[00:36:48] Again, another can of worms, another longer episode. I will share it not today because then it will start up a whole nother, 45 minutes of me, [00:37:00] talking and sharing my vulnerable discoveries. I can even feel myself fidgeting with the chair. I'm like, oh, okay. Breathe. Those discoveries that I'll share about myself. Point was that we don't necessarily have to look back at it with the bitterness.

[00:37:22] When people say,, all divorced people are bitter. I've heard someone say that. No, we're not. We don't have to be bitter. It might be a stereotype because it's true more often than it's not true. However, we don't have to become bitter. We can thank them so much. It wasn't 10 years wasted in a marriage. It wasn't six years wasted in a marriage.

[00:37:47] It wasn't any of the time, was not wasted in a marriage. It was beauty in the days we had together, the months that we had together. When we [00:38:00] start to look at it that way, then we can do it without the shame or the guilt. Because if we look at it with, this was only horrible,

[00:38:11] then we miss.

[00:38:13] The gifts that we had from that, we get to in hindsight, look at the lessons learned, acknowledge the lessons learned, and we burn the rest. But it doesn't mean burn all of it. There was a reason why you stayed with that person for the days or the years.

[00:38:36] So let's look at it with hindsight and capture the beauty and the lessons, and we burn the rest. We release it, we let it go without any angst. 

[00:38:49] the invitation after this episode would be where, can you look at it in the past with lovers or friends? And what [00:39:00] lessons can you gather in hindsight? Where can you look at the way your character was built, the things that you learned about yourself, and how can we thank that person for those gifts?

[00:39:18] Also, if you're someone that journals maybe write out to, it's I am so grateful that I learned this about myself. I am so grateful who I became. On the other side of this, I became a woman or a man who trusted myself more, who learned not to ignore the red flags who said yes, when I want to say yes, who says no when I want to say no.

[00:39:42] I became a woman who learned not to overgive. I became a woman who learned to speak my mind without holding it in longer than what was meant to ever be. Held in. That's the [00:40:00] worst f*cking way to say that. I was like, could I use any more word spaghetti? I think it's probably because I had a hundred thoughts at once and I could feel myself channeling this whole other message about divorce and healing.

[00:40:13] However, not today. Appreciate you being here. Grateful this found you, hope this allows you to continue to live in alignment with your yeses and your nos, wishing you incredible success in all of your adventures, relationships, career. And your business building.