Episode 5: Pussy is The Shortcut

There is a faster way to heal and grow…

and it lives between your legs.

In this episode of Power & Play: The Shortcut Series, I’m talking about something I’ve been hesitant to share this openly—until now:

pussy as a portal to healing, confidence, pleasure, intuition, and self-liberation.

I share my personal story of struggling with deep unworthiness—including a pivotal Ayahuasca experience that revealed just how low my self-esteem was—and how years of mindset work, therapy, spiritual practice, yoga, meditation, and coaching didn’t fully shift it…

until I started working with my body in a completely different way.

In this episode, we explore:

• why so many women and vulva-bodied beings feel disconnected from their bodies, and how early shame plays a role
• why your nervous system—not just your mindset—is the key to real transformation
• how attention, pleasure, reverence, and corrective experiences can help rewire your sense of safety
• why and how your pussy can be a powerful access point for healing, intuition, confidence, voice, and desire
• what I’ve witnessed inside my Pussy Worship Ceremonies and yoni self-portrait painting parties
• the difference between conscious self-connection and goal-oriented self-pleasure
• simple practices for beginning a magical relationship with your pussy
• an important invitation around consent and learning to listen to your body’s yes and no

This is not about being “more sexual.”

It’s about becoming more you.

If this episode resonates, you can:

• Explore deeper reflections and practices on my Substack, including my piece on what happens inside my Pussy Worship Ceremonies
• Get my 10-minute “power reclaim” guided audio for when you’re feeling stuck, small, or disempowered
• Book a Sacred Mirror call to explore working together

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

All right, I need to start with a confession. And the confession is that I have been putting off writing and recording this episode all about pussy for weeks. Not because I don't believe in it, but because I really, really do. And it's an edge because I know what it means to say this out loud and put it out there in a very public place like Spotify. To put not just my writing, but my voice to something this intimate, this charged, this misunderstood, and this still, unfortunately, for some reason, taboo. And to let it live somewhere beyond my private world, beyond my one-on-one coaching sessions, and beyond my email list, basically beyond the spaces where I feel safe being seen as that crazy pussy lady. There's part of me that knows my family might hear this. And that's scary. People from my old corporate life might hear this. And I know this is gonna make a lot of people shocked and uncomfortable. And they're gonna think whatever they think. And for a while, that has been keeping me a little muted on this subject that I'm really passionate about. But thankfully, something stronger has been breaking its way through. And I actually had a really good session with my therapist about it on Monday, where essentially I came to what matters more than anything else is the knowing of how powerful and effective and needed this work actually is, and how few people actually know about it. I have literally seen this work help women reclaim parts of themselves after sexual trauma. I've seen it bring me, my clients, and my peers into whole new stratospheres of confidence, body love, and self-love. I have seen it completely upgrade nervous systems and relationships, including my own, and very fast. So basically, I've been sitting on a gold mine for many, many years, and I just can't keep it to myself anymore. I have to step it up and break through this block that I've had about being more public about it. And I just know it's time. It's time to stop censoring this and say it directly. And I finally feel ready. And I think there's something about recording this on the Scorpio full moon today that is really supporting that. So yeah, it's basically clear to me that I have to do this if I'm actually committed to the world I say I care about, where women no longer run the patriarchy on themselves. Because this is a very potent way to create that world. So this episode is me stepping out of the closet a little more with one of the most important transmissions I carry. And the simplest way I can say it is this there is a faster way to heal and grow. And it lives between your legs. And if you're already having a reaction, if part of you is shocked or turned off or skeptical or like, where is this going? I get it. I really do get it. Because 10 years ago, I would have had the same reaction. And if I'm being honest, part of me still feels exposed saying all of this. But I trust the part of me that knows it's time to do it anyway. And today, we're talking about pussy as the shortcut. Let me start with a little story about how I got into all this work in the first place. In 2016, I sat with ayahuasca for the first time. I went with my partner at the time, and we had very different experiences, you could say. He was having this beautiful, expansive, non-dual God experience where he was like one with everything, not just connected to the divine, but the divine itself. You know, that whole thing. That's what I went there hoping to have. But meanwhile, I was right next to him watching that happen, while inside I felt like the scum of the earth. When I closed my eyes, I saw really dark material, including this burning church and all these like hellish people. I was really afraid. And I was convinced that what I was seeing and feeling was a reflection of who I was. It did not feel expansive. It did not feel spiritual. It did not feel healing. It was honestly just like really confusing. And it felt like every belief and fear that I had about, you know, being a bad person at my core, it was just getting amplified and felt like it was being basically proven right. And the meaning I made in the moment over those many hours, as I contrasted my partner and I's experience, was he's way better than me. He's way more evolved than me. He's way closer to the divine than me. Basically, he is divine, and I am worthless and bad. And that experience didn't just stay in the ceremony. It followed me back into our day-to-day life and our relationship for years. There was this quiet undercurrent of not feeling good enough, feeling really lucky to be there, like some kind of mistake had been made, and feeling like it was just a matter of time before the universe would realize that it had screwed up and snatch him away from me. So I kept putting him on this major pedestal and putting myself in the mud, and I suffered so much as a result. I tried all kinds of things to shift my worthiness stuff. All the yoga, all the meditation, all the therapy, all the coaching. I even became a leadership coach myself during this time. But something deep inside just wasn't moving much. At least nowhere fast enough for me. And then I found this work. Or maybe it found me. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was introduced to my teacher, Layla Martin. I joined one of her programs, and very shortly after, I embarked on the path of pussy, and everything shifted. Suddenly, I had myself up on a throne right next to my partner. And it wasn't because I convinced myself that I was worthy, but because I could actually feel it in my body. Literally within months, I finally knew I was worthy of my partner and his love. Like deep bone-level knowing. I stopped seeking for external validation and I started worshiping myself because I wanted to and it felt natural. And my body, which I had fought, punished, and starved in the past, like literally starved with an eating disorder, it became my temple. Not just in theory, but in true practice. I began to embody a power, a confidence, a magnetism that people would comment on. My orgasmic capacity unlocked like a vault that had been waiting for centuries. And I began to really connect to the goddess, not out there, but in me, as me, through my pussy. I had been studying non-dual classical tantra and practicing it for years, and you know, really wanting to experience myself as the goddess, which is a big part of the teachings, like experiencing yourself as the divine, which my partner was experiencing in that one ayahuasca journey. And it started to become my lived experience through pussy. I was giddy at this whole transformation that had happened. And I just wanted to climb on the rooftops and scream, pussy is the shortcut, people. It took me a little while, but I guess that is what we're doing here now. So that story, by the way, is to share why I'm so passionate about this, because basically I tried so much, and nothing I tried before fully touched that level until I started working with my body and my pussy in this way. And then things started moving really fast. And now, after years of practicing this myself, guiding clients through it and hosting spaces like pussy worship ceremonies and yoni self-portrait painting parties, here is what I've seen. First, this is one of the fastest ways to heal shame, which so many of us are holding so much of in our bodies. And it works not by talking about it, but by actually bringing love and attention to the part of your body where most of that shame tends to live. Second, when you change your relationship with your pussy, you change your relationship with yourself because you're no longer abandoning yourself in the most intimate place, the seat of your life force. You're meeting yourself there. Third, your pussy is directly connected to your voice. Some of you may have seen that anatomical mirror image, how similar the physical structures actually look between pussy and vocal cords and throat, which is pretty cool. They're connected by fascia as well. But beyond that, energetically, what happens is that when you unlock one, you unlock the other. I've seen this again and again. Women find their pussy and suddenly they can speak. Suddenly they can and do ask for what they want and also create boundaries where boundaries are needed. Fourth, your pussy is the base of your central channel. So when you start working with your pussy and the energy generated there, you're not just working locally, you're activating your entire system. This is where things like kundalini and deeper energetic sensitivity start to come online. I've literally seen a woman have an ongoing energy orgasm for like an hour. That is the kind of thing that is possible from this work. So that doesn't need to be your goal, but I just want you to know that that is possible. Fifth, this is about reclaiming your body as yours and reclaiming your pleasure as yours and for you, not for someone else's use or someone else's pleasure. So letting go of performing and learning how to really receive and come home to yourself. And finally, this is about strengthening your intuition. Pussy is a potent compass and oracle. You just have to learn how to tap into that. Work with her, and you can start to really hear your yeses and your no's. And your life starts to organize around truth instead of conditioning. By the way, this isn't just something I made up because I love being dramatic about pussy. This is ancient spiritual wisdom. Abhinnava Gupta, a realized being and master of Kashmir Shaivism, said something a thousand years ago that I love. Because of her capacity to expand the center, a woman can accomplish in a day what it takes a man a month to a year. Because of her capacity to expand the center, a woman can accomplish in a day what it takes a man a month to a year. And he's specifically talking about energetically and like in terms of spiritual work. But however you want to interpret that, for me, what it points to is access. There's something about this center, this body, this portal that can accelerate transformation when we actually know how to work with it. And if this is all sounding a little out there, let's ground it for a second. You don't have to believe in anything spiritual or woo-woo for this to work. This is ultimately about your nervous system. Your body learns through experience. So when you bring breath, attention, loving touch, and pleasure to a place that has held shame, numbness, fear, trauma, performance, you're giving your body a corrective experience. You're bringing safety into a place where safety may not have existed before. You're bringing choice into a place where choice may not have existed before. You're bringing reverence into a place that may have only known shame or use. This is how the rewiring happens. Your body starts to learn that I can feel and be safe. I can want and be safe. I can receive and be safe. I can be in my power and still be loved. And when you pair pleasure with a desire or vision for your life, like in the practice of sex magic, you're teaching your system to associate that future with safety and pleasure instead of threat. Because the truth is, most people don't have what they want because they can't, but because their nervous system thinks it's not safe. We think on some unconscious level that we're going to lose love, safety, andor belonging if we, you know, manifest that thing we really want, the most incredible partnership, the most out there, bold career. And so we self-sabotage. But through these practices, you're bringing in pleasure, safety into the body. And then when you combine that with the visioning, it's like you're literally imprinting in your body that it's okay. And not only will you survive, but it can be really actually amazing. Okay, let's talk about the patriarchy for a second. Part of why this work is so powerful is because pussy is something that has to be reclaimed. Because for almost all of us growing up, it was shamed. How many of us were even taught the right terminology for our anatomy? I know I wasn't. So few of us were taught we had a vulva. Instead, we got things like front bottom or hoo-haw or pee-pee. Or honestly, in my opinion, even worse, vagina. Because that's just inaccurate. That's not telling the whole story. And it's also male-centric when you understand that vagina literally means sheath for a sword. So from the very beginning, there's already this subtle messaging that this part of your body is not really yours, it exists in relation to something else. And then on top of that, we all have stories. Moments that created shutdown, disconnect, embarrassment, punishment. For me, I remember asking for a puberty book once and being met with so much shame. It really felt like I had committed a crime or something just for being curious about my own body and the changes it was going through. Moments like these shape how we see ourselves and relate to our bodies and our sexuality. So it's not surprising that so many of us grew up disconnected, disassociated, performing, or just totally ignoring this entire part of ourselves. And this work is about reversing that. Not just in my own body and not just with clients, but in actual rooms full of women and vulva-bodied beings. I've hosted pussy worship ceremonies. I've hosted Yoni self-portrait painting parties. And yes, I know how that sounds. But these have been some of the most beautiful, holy, hilarious, healing spaces I've ever been a part of. Because most of us have never been invited to look at our own pussy with reverence. Most of us have never been invited to see other pussies in a safe, sacred, non-performative, non-sexual space. And when you gather women and vulva-bodied beings in a space where pussy is not the punchline, it's not some shameful secret, it's not the object of anyone else's desire. But the altar, something really magical happens. People realize, oh, there's actually nothing wrong with me. My pussy isn't weird. My pussy isn't shameful. In fact, this part of me is sacred and really fucking cool and unique. Everyone's is so different. So I've seen tears flow at these experiences. New levels of confidence come online. I've seen things really shift in people's external lives, such as new love walking right through the door. It's a big deal. I've written more about these ceremonies on my Substack, so I'll link that in the show notes if you want to go deeper. But the point for this episode is attention is powerful. Reverent attention is alchemical, and pussies respond beautifully to it. So I want to give you a few simple practices to start exploring this for yourself. Nothing complicated, and you don't have to do anything dramatic. It's just about starting to build a relationship. And of course, only explore any of this in ways that feel safe, consensual, and genuinely right for your body. The first practice is this put one hand on your heart and one hand on your pussy. Take a few slow, deep, delicious breaths. Really slow down and let your body know there's nowhere to get to. There's nothing to prove, nothing to change. And then tune into pussy and ask, what do you want me to know? And just listen. Don't force anything. You might feel something immediately and you might feel nothing. Both are okay. This is a relationship, and relationships take time. Another practice I want to give you is simply to start giving your pussy more attention throughout the day. Because if you haven't learned this yet, pussies really love attention. It makes them bloom, it makes them come online and become in service of you. So devotion to them, and then they devote themselves to you. So this can be really simple. Just tune into your pussy more throughout the day. Feel her presence. You can even give her a few little pulses of your muscles to bring awareness there. You could do something like placing a water bottle against her while you're sitting and working, just so you're more aware of her. Not in a weird way, but in a loving, oh yeah, you're right here with me kind of way. And honestly, I dare you to look at her with a mirror. Not to evaluate, not to criticize, not to compare. Just to connect with her. And while you're there, give her some compliments. What's beautiful about her? What's interesting? What's uniquely yours? What have you maybe never let yourself appreciate before? And the more you do this, the easier it's gonna get. The more natural it will feel, and the more fun it will become. You might find her responding. Maybe she gives you an energetic thank you, or it might even feel like she's blushing in some way. But over time, you're gonna feel something start to happen. And I don't want to say more. I want you to find out for yourself. If these practices start to open something up for you, you may eventually want to explore intentional self-pleasure. And if and when you do, I want to say something really important. Sacred self-pleasure is not about rushing to orgasm or just touching yourself. It's not the same thing as the masturbation, most of us know. What I'm talking about is about presence, listening, relationship. It's a completely different way of being with your body. And please do not move into penetration with yourself until and unless you get a clear yes from your body. Not a mental yes, not a I guess I should, or you know, I already started, so I might as well keep going. But actually stopping to pause and check in with your body for reals and getting a real yes, a body yes, a yes that feels open, willing, curious, inviting, ready. And if there's not a yes, you don't go in. You stay right where you are and honor the no. And this is actually where a lot of the healing is because so many of us, subtly or not so subtly, have a history of allowing entry into our bodies when we didn't actually want it. Not because we were weak, but because we were conditioned to override ourselves or not even, you know, be attuned to ourselves in the first place. We were conditioned to be agreeable, to not disappoint, to prioritize what someone else wanted over our own truth. So this is your chance to rewrite that pattern and heal all of that, to listen, to honor your no, and to discover what a true yes actually feels like. And to learn as a result in your own body, I can trust myself, I don't have to abandon myself here anymore. And that starts to expand to everywhere in your life. So again, that alone can be incredibly healing. And beyond all of what I've mentioned so far, there are deeper layers to this work too. There's things like de-armory, sex magic, allowing emotional release to move through the body and alchemize with pleasure and turn into more access to life force and power. There's also activating kundalini energy in a more conscious way, bringing more of your energy body online. And there's learning to work with your desire as creative force. But you don't need any of that advanced stuff to begin. This alone, just bringing attention, presence, and care to your pussy can change everything. So that's what I wanted to offer you today. Pussy as portal, pussy as shortcut, pussy as one of the most intimate and potent doorways back to yourself. Thank you for being here for this conversation. Truly. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, please do send this episode along. You know, someone who uh might feel seen by it, someone who needs it, someone who would enjoy the permission slip. And if you're feeling generous, leaving a review for this podcast would be so helpful. It helps more people find this work and it would really mean a lot to me. If you want more writing from me, including the pussy worship ceremony piece I mentioned, come find me on Substack. I'll link it in the show notes, and you can also just search for High on Your Own Supply with Ruby Ray on Substack. And if this particular topic really resonated today, this is a big part of the work that I do with women and Volva bodied beings. You can reach out for a sacred mirror call if you want to explore what coaching together would look like and just find out if it feels like a fit. So um feel free to book one of those calls. I'll link it in the show notes. It's 60 minutes and it's really focused on you and what's alive for you. And um, it's totally complimentary. So please feel free to book. Thank you again so much for joining today, and can't wait to see you for the next episode, which is going to be the last in this particular mini-series on shortcuts to self-liberation, and we'll see where we go from there. You know, maybe I'll start interviewing other people, stuff like that. Who knows? Just stick around, stay tuned, and don't forget, you are the portal.