Stroke Survivor Bootcamp with Dr. Phil: "Gabe's journey through his stroke"

In this episode of "Stroke Survivor Bootcamp", Dr. Philip Lamoreaux, OTD, OTR/L, CPT, chats with Gabe Dominelli and his wife Jamie, who talk about Gabe's journey, and his incredible recovery, following a stroke.

Check out Gabe's INCREDIBLE recovery!
https://www.tiktok.com/@gabedominelli

NOTE: Be sure to check out some of the helpful worksheets that can be accessed by clicking here, or by going to www.StrokeSurvivorBootcamp.com.

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Hosted by Dr. Philip Lamoreaux, OTD, OTR/L, CPT, Stroke Survivor Bootcamp is a practical, hope-forward podcast for stroke survivors and caregivers, built to help you understand what’s happening, ask the right questions, and take back control one step at a time. Each episode blends real-world hospital and rehab guidance with clear, compassionate coaching so you can turn fear into a plan and progress into momentum.

For more information on signing up for a one-on-one Stroke Survivor Bootcamp session with Dr. Phil, just go to www.StrokeSurvivorBootcamp.com

Created & Produced by Christopher Ewing
Hang On to the Dream Foundation

Written by Dr. Philip Lamoreaux, OTD, OTR/L, CPT

Listen each week to the Stroke Survivor Bootcamp podcast with Dr. Phil, the OT Professor, where he will share with you practical tools, real stories, and the mindset to keep moving forward on your road to recovery! 

If you are a stroke survivor, sign up for one of Dr. Phil's Stroke Survivor Bootcamp sessions.  These sessions are proven to help stroke survivors regain more mobility following a stroke.  Just go to www.strokesurvivorbootcamp.com for more information.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:25

The comments expressed in this program are the personal opinions of the participants and not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition that you may have. Please consult your doctor or healthcare professional before making any changes to your current medical routine. Welcome to everyone, the podcast where we have real conversations about what recovery after stroke actually looks like. This show is built for survivors, spouses, families, and therapists who want more than surface level encouragement. We talk about the hard parts of recovery, the emotional weight, the identity shifts, and the wins that matter, and the work that it takes to rebuild a life after stroke. And my entire goal is to bring together clinical insight and lived experience so we can better understand what people are truly walking through. Because stroke recovery doesn't just happen in the clinic alone, it happens in homes, marriages, families, relationships, friendships, and everyday life. And today's episode brings that reality into focus through the story of a husband and wife who have had to navigate this journey together. So I am excited to uh bring back again Jamie, and uh even more excited to bring in Gabe, who is uh the husband to Jamie. Uh Jamie has been on the past few episodes and uh just excited to have you both here.

SPEAKER_05 3:32

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Yeah. So I wanted to take this particular episode uh and and go through your guys's really essentially your guys' journey and really talk about some of the some of the experiences um from both of uh your perspectives um and really kind of just go through the the um progress and process that you guys have had to go through um since since Gabe has had had his strokes. And so the very first thing that I would like to know, and so that the listeners that that they can they can know for themselves um really is get to know who Gabe is, you know, who and and even more so, let's talk about you know uh Gabe. What were you what were you like before the stroke?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Um well um I ran a um lifelong um commitment to my bride. I love that. Um and I was a um I forgot what I was saying I love this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

May maybe we can take a little second and uh let's let's kind of introduce a little bit more about um you know so so Gabe, you had you had a stroke.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And what uh what are the symptoms, what are the things that uh have have been caused by the stroke?

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Um I was totally right side allegiic. Um so I that lasted for say three four days. Um then that c um recovered and then I go couldn't walk um I couldn't speak and um um it took me a while to get back to normal. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Oh I I love that. In fact, I'm just I I you know I I do have the video of this, um, and so I I I will be wanting to to uh you know post this video mainly so that you guys can watch the interaction between Jamie and Gabe. I I I love I love um the way that um you know Gabe, as you're trying to express you know what's going on in your mind, um, you know, that you can see Jamie wanting to jump in, but but not allowing you to to have those that that opportunity to to express. And I just think that's a really cool uh a really cool thing um because I've been around multiple um marriages uh where the one of the spouses has that expressive aphasia and the one who doesn't will oftentimes speak over. And it it prevents an opportunity for you to actually, you know, start practicing and get those get those words out, what's going on in your head, right? Yeah. So I I love it. Jamie, is there anything you'd like to add?

SPEAKER_07 7:47

I'd like to say that I also make mistakes and I have not, I had to learn to step back. And it takes it takes being conscientious and um and just aware. And I've gotten to learn Gabe, you know, you talk about before the stroke and after the stroke. And it's funny when you have something that is a defining moment in your life like that, because oftentimes you'll hear Gabe and I refer to our life as well, before the stroke, that and oh, you know, after the stroke, and it's it's it was such a monumental, life-changing moment for obviously Gabe, but for myself too, where it it's it just is before the stroke and after the stroke. And like Gabe and I had a certain relationship before the stroke, but learning um and watching and valuing what he has to share has changed so much more.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Um, you know, just just having to learn I'm a lot nicer.

SPEAKER_07 8:52

Yeah, I used to be a you know what you were you just you're a driver, you're uh yeah, you're a go-getter.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Yeah, I mean, you know, one of the things, one of the first interactions with you, Gabe, you know, one of the things that you said, you know, to me was that you you are the man, you know, you you you I am the freaking man. Yes, yeah, and and so before before your stroke, you were still the freaking man, and uh, but you so you uh developed your own real estate business, correct?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah, yeah. Um that was for ten years, um nine years. We still um flip houses, wholesale houses, keeping them for ourselves, and we basically um I'm not trying to say nothing, but I was a millionaire at thirty three. Nice thirty-two.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Yeah, yeah. I mean that in order to get to that that level, you definitely have to have a particular drive, right? A particular personality. Um, you I mean you do sacrifice certain things in order to get to that level, right? Yeah, and um now if I understood Stan correctly, it was a business that the two of you the two of you built together, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yeah, we had like um eight to ten employees. Okay, yeah, and were they real estate agents? Yeah, um no, no, okay. Two of them um three of them were from the Phil um the Philippines, and one was uh from El Salvador, and one was from Argentina and um one was from my hometown, Delaware. Okay, and uh um uh I dispoed and Jamie worked um transaction coordination.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

All right. And so if I if I understand correctly, you were the the schmoozer. Uh maybe that's maybe that's not the right word, but you were the one that was making the relationships and and connecting with people and and finding those opportunities.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

I was at first. Um Chris took that over let's say for two and a half years, uh and uh I had to jump back in. Um, so yeah. We gave up the business for I'll let Jamie tell you that.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah, I think you're doing a great job. I uh yeah, I love it. Yeah, Jamie, is there anything that you'd like to add?

SPEAKER_07 12:56

Yeah, well, I agree. Gabe was definitely the schmoozer. He schmoozed me, and then he, but no, he we would always joke that Gabe could sell ice to an Eskimo. So even when, you know, Chris was somebody that he had brought on, but Gabe, you were spending so much time, you know, training and listening to his calls and saying, hey, you know, you were you have done so much work, and I keep talking to Gabe because he's here, but he's done so much work, um, you know, building relationships with people and just talked, loved to talk. Was definitely the person that when we would be at a restaurant, you know, I can I can engage, I'm a more of an introverted extrovert, but we would go out to a restaurant, I'd be ready to go to the car. And Gabe is that guy that you would see that would be in there still talking to the bartender or the waiter or the waitress, and they're putting chairs up, you know, and yeah, and he's hanging, having the conversation. And so it was definitely still that in our business. And in my opinion, the reason that we were so successful, Gabe, is has always been wonderful at building relationships and just has this ability to speak life into people. Everybody that I think I could speak for our team is says he has the ability to make people believe in themselves, like just through the way that he would pour into people and train them and show them what's possible. And it's always been kind of magical. And so, Gabe, can I call you babe? Gabe, you you don't give yourself anything.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

You can call him babe here. That works.

SPEAKER_07 14:35

You were you were you you are the magic. There's something magical about the way that you hold yourself and and deaf, and in our business too.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

It was totally thank you.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean that that's something that uh comes across, you know, for those of you that are listening, you know, I I really wanted to make sure that you got this opportunity to uh to get to know, you know, who gabe, you know, who gabe is, um, and uh and to be able to to kind of see a little bit of the um I would say the gravity of of what actually happened. You know, I think oftentimes uh when people think about stroke, um, and many of you are listening, uh likely, you know, when you think of stroke, you think of you know uh hemiparesis, right? Paralysis on one side. Um and you know, maybe maybe speech is a little bit impacted, but it's it's usually just you know, maybe some slurring um because your mouth uh muscles are are not uh formulating the words um very well. Um but for for Gabe, you know, what's going on in his in his head, the words are there, but then as soon as Gabe, and tell me if I'm wrong, but as soon as you actually try to speak those words, it it's almost like there's this big mountain in the way, and you have to like climb up this mountain to try to just shout the word. Yeah, and so it it takes an incredible amount of effort to get words stringed together and to to just get the the com you know what's going on in your head out there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Um I couldn't speak, um that's for one thing. Um it took me from phase uh one month in to three months out, I rocketed rugged it like um you you couldn't believe.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Um are you talking about speech or talking about physical or all of it?

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Um speech speech. Yeah. I from one thing to um as soon as I got into Brooks um um yeah um Brynmar my speech went up and up and up and up and then I went to Chicago, um I went to Milwaukee, Chicago, Brooks, um Melusa, Denver, and then Brooks. And then um yeah you see me right now.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And it that's that's quite a quite a uh a lot of work that you have you've yeah you've put into uh your speech and and getting that back and and uh that's been a pretty pretty big journey.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Especially because they're not they were not pricey. Um they were pricey, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

They're definitely not cheap.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yeah. Uh one's 22,000, one's twenty-eight thousand, and one's fifteen thousand, and one's eight, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

They're they're a lot, and they're usually for weeks, right? Um, yeah, yeah. So I mean a couple weeks, two, three um longer.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

You'd say four to six weeks. Four to six weeks, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah, that is I mean, that's a big commitment, right? Because you're leaving your home, you're leaving you know, comfort to then go and live here anyway.

SPEAKER_07 19:27

What'd you say?

SPEAKER_01 19:29

I didn't live here anyway.

SPEAKER_07 19:31

What after your stroke?

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:35

So that's funny. Yeah, after Gabe's stroke, we were basically we should have rented our home out. We were gone for almost about a year and a half.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Oh, wow. Between very a year and two months, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:52

Between lengthy, Gabe had some repeat medical situations. So we were at hospital stents, like his first stint was about a month, and then we had a two-week stint and a one-week stint and three, you know, and we'd have all these complex.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

I want to sown many doctors to try and figure this out.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

So yeah, so you you've had multiple strokes. What is it? What is it? What is it that you um have been diagnosed with?

SPEAKER_01 20:25

CAA. Which I don't believe it is, but it is. Yeah. So I'm kind of an anomaly, so to speak.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

How s how so?

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Big uh Jamie then.

SPEAKER_07 20:56

So be are you asking me to step in because it's more of an elaborate story that's easier for this purpose? So sometimes, right, I'll hop just because it's for time's sake. Um, so what Gabe has been diagnosed with is called iatrogenic cerebral amyloid angiopathy. And um, he would be, I mean, um, hundreds of people in the world, um, not even thousands of people with that particular kind. What the doctors believe, and the reason why there is no way to prove until post-mortem. Um, we have he has seen, like he said, I mean, dozens of doctors, dozens and dozens, yeah, all over the country, specialists, etc. Uh, due to the risk of a brain biopsy, that was the final thing that we opted out of not to do because even with a brain biopsy, if they take the wrong part of tissue in the brain, still could come up inconclusive for Gabe's health. We all collectively as a family decided not worth it.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Um, no way, Jose.

unknown 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:01

But he was that, yeah, it's probable iatrogenic cerebral amyloid angiopathy that came out of um, I'm spacing it right now, but it it would have been due to he had a traumatic delivery at birth where um he his skull was crushed by forceps. He had four subdural hematomas. Um, and what the doctors believe is that the graph or that the synthetic dura that they placed.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Which dura is like a it's it's almost like a a shield, uh, like a bag around your a bit around your brain, right?

SPEAKER_07 22:36

It's yeah, the bag around your brain that holds your your I think it's the cerebral spinal fluid, right? And then your brain kind of floats in there anyway. He his birth story is was traumatic in and of itself, but that uh had to be replaced in so or repaired, but anyway, anybody that can have this type of invasive surgery, they say, can um get a misfolded protein, either through a cataveric dura, which we can't prove if he had a synthetic material or cadaver material, but they say that even anybody who's had a brain surgery can somehow through a whatever, and and then this can show up decades later.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

So it's basically basically the the foreign substance that was put in Gabe's brain to help replace or to to to fix the that kind of that bag it's like putting a patch over a a hole in a bag right that patch could potentially have had some piece to this it would have had so we all have um amyloids in our brain but what they think with ca what i when i say like they think it's because if you go down this rabbit hole even scientists are like we're not 100% sure it's become this really new big wave there's actually been a lot more information in 2025 and 2026 but when we were going through this even in 2024 no no no doctor even thought about it but kind of long story short where if you have a misfolded protein when we go to sleep at night we're flushing these amloids out of out of our brain out of our system and things like that through this piece.

SPEAKER_07 24:28

Yeah yeah back back of your neck yeah yeah and they're saying that they would fold stick together and as they clog up that artery wall in the brain it weakens over time there's these little pit holes and I'm gonna avoid all the medical language that I was not born with and did not go to school with but and then eventually it they will rupture and they will cause strokes. So more more strokes that's that is a I know it didn't seem like a short version but it was I promise you.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

But I mean we're talking years of trying to figure this out right I mean try I mean we're we're talking a long time trying to figure this out a year and a couple months. Okay so lots of months to to figure this out yeah um there's just one to get me in the speech camp yeah yeah okay and after that I started going down this rabbit hole yeah yeah yeah to try to try to figure the figure out why or what caused it and yeah and all of that yeah so yeah so so I have a I have a a question you know and and so here you are you and and you're young right yeah I mean how how old are you 39 I'm 39 tomorrow I'll join you at the 39 years old yeah yeah um so you're you're you're extremely young and you know my opinion I have to keep telling myself that you know 40 is coming around the corner but you know you you're you're super young and here you are you know you're I mean in a way you're at the top of your game right I mean you're you're doing well in in business and you know the one of the biggest ways not the only way but one of the biggest ways that you are providing for your family and and driving this business forward is is through your speech and yeah and and this happens and now that piece uh in a way is is gone.

SPEAKER_07 27:01

Fells so did you go through some form of a um a a a and I'm I'm assuming you still are but some form of a a a journey of um like who am I no no I love hearing that I I knew I was the shit so this comes and to you it's yeah um I knew how um I was and I am yeah um you were gonna meet you were gonna meet this head on yeah yeah because that's what that's what Gabe does yeah um it's been two years and three months yeah since my stroke yeah and I'm not even talking about the multiple multiple multiple strokes that I have and then ten strokes that you've had yeah yeah and they've been all down in my um Borgas glands um see when you have aphasia and part of aprexia that whole thing seven by four inches gone gone yeah so it took me a while to get back yeah yeah yeah and uh that's when the brain starts healing itself um and that's where I came up with um they told her three months and you're done yeah you're done but six months twelve months haven't they ever heard of neuroplasticity that's right preach preach that's what that's what I'm talking about haven't they ever heard of neuro plasticity yeah it's in their minds it's an uh um say we only use ten maybe twenty percent of our brain well where's all the rest go it's in a brain in our neuro plasticity and um you're gonna get neurons that fire it's like a groove and once that groove hits and it sticks and it sticks and it sticks and it sticks you just built a new neuropathway to brain so can can I interject really quick yeah it makes me emotional because I don't know if anybody else can hear it but it's something that's called saliency which is another big word that you learn when somebody talks about something that they care about their recovery improves. And I know Dr. Phil can talk about this more in other areas but I just listened to Gabe get in a really smooth speech pattern when he was fired up and excited about what he was talking about. It's so weird to talk about you in third person but when you're fired up and excited about what you're talking about your words just start flowing out like butter.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

And that was something that I think has been so cool to watch Gabe you know we talk about before the stroke after the stroke but something that hasn't changed is just this fire in Gabe that he has to be just a great human just just encompass all that he's capable of and and whatever that is has become that and that his love for business and for mainly mobile home parks yes I am quite aware I know and we're doing that though and and how much I think Gabe not giving up on what he loves like or not saying like oh you know I we there but people out there will say well you know what maybe we should just figure out something else like table this maybe don't worry about real estate and I think it's been through just Gabe's choice to move through it it's no I'm not giving up on this yeah yeah and I love that however um she's got me this oh I love it a script so we've used we found ways to do this so so for those of you that are listening what Gabe is showing showing us is you know uh like a call script or uh different phrases different different things uh so gabe is it easier for you to read it than to have like a an open-ended conversation yeah but um in ends um in question I don't need to read it word for word I can just how many park owned homes do you got how many tenant owned homes do you got is it city soar is it um city water how many um um how much rent do you suppose they're paying stuff like that do you when when you have when you have these calls um do you ever have to uh explain that you've had a stroke yep how does that go uh it's a ghost can I say how did it go have you always felt comfortable sharing that no why um because um I didn't want to know um people who've had a stroke but the more I um listen um the more I entertain the concept the more I oh yeah my cousin had a stroke oh yeah my mother-in-law had a stroke um it's just uh um I didn't tell you this but uh he goes I had a stroke a little over two years ago it didn't affect my intelligence but sometimes the words won't come up correctly and you're saying that's something that a part of your script you have written down that sometimes you'll share with people yeah and and he's this guy mid sixties and he was like damn that sucks so uh this this is yeah you you made me tear up there uh for a minute um because there's there's uh you've kept Gabe Gabe is Gabe is still there yeah but a part of Gabe prior to the stroke um uh and and I mean correct me if I'm wrong but you know part of Gabe prior to the stroke you know you guys you guys can't see they're listening but you know Gabe you know if he brings up his arms to show I mean he's very physically fit um he's got he's got way more muscle than I do and um you know is is is way more fit than I am and the the the way that you present yourself is a part of Gabe. Yeah but there's a piece that these experiences you've had 10 strokes and they've impacted you in a particular way that that that makes it I I love hearing that you you're going through this process and of like it's it's just it's a part of me. Yeah yeah and and you just go well to heck with that like I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go for it now and it's just gonna be a part of it and I'm just gonna explain it right yeah but that that wasn't something that was easy I'm assuming yeah um and don't forget the seizures yeah that's a fact that start started happening no um about nine months into my recovery yeah um that's that's actually something that a lot of people who don't know much about strokes they don't realize that seizures are very common yeah after having a stroke no no not a clue it's crazy that you had yours nine months out because what's typical is somewhere around uh the two year mark um six to eight you were it was in August of merge April May January six yeah six months yeah and that's that's not the typical the typical would be somewhere around like two years which is one of the reasons why they don't talk about it uh I would assume because yeah it's it's not an immediate thing they don't want you to be afraid but then you know not everybody has them but around two years you you know if you've had a stroke uh it is highly possible that your brain starts to have those signals start to misfire and you have a stroke have a uh a seizure yeah yeah and mine um um tonic clonic strokes yeah my um myotonic um tonic clonic strokes oh tonic clonic okay yeah tonic clonic so basically you do like they're full they're you you shake full convulsion full body the whole thing so it'd be like uh an another term people that are listening maybe uh have heard grand mall grand mall okay grand mall tonic clonic the scary one thing the scary looking are the one that everybody everybody you know when they think of seizure that's what they think of right and so you started to have those as well yeah um no um I started um when they did my head um I started out um uh one two three seizures and then they stopped and then around fourteen years old um my parents started um wondering is he gonna have a stroke um um a um uh seizure well fair enough I went down and I go and bite off my pretzel and you've um um you wake up in the hospital and you are like what happened um you're like they're like um umphasia keep this keep us going they're like sit down kid um um it's what you call a seizure um then they put me on um I don't know um that didn't work and different medications worked okay so I've been on Tigger Tall for like true twenty seven twenty six years so Gabe do you mind if I hop in and just connect a couple dots real quick yeah yeah so I I think everybody probably tracked this but due to that um the delivery with forceps that had already caused some neurological issues for Gabe and the doctors at the time told his parents to anticipate seizures at puberty so I wonder if maybe that's why his seizures hit a little bit earlier than normal but he had been seizure free obviously pre-stroke for since you were like 15 or something right something like that. Yeah gotcha okay yeah so I mean that that would make sense why you know uh why you didn't follow the typical you know uh somewhere around two years um there's a there's a guy uh his name's Jose uh shout out to Jose he's a uh via senor he he's an uh a stroke survivor um out of LA and he is he he was actually um just stepping down the stairs but it was about two years out and ended up having a seizure uh fell you know fell down hit his head on the on the on the stairs and but it's really it's it's there's this I I can't tell you how many stories I've I've had where people have have experienced seizures so if you if you haven't had that conversation those of you that are listening if you haven't had that conversation with your um your physician your your uh neurologist have just ask about it um because it could be something that um especially early on um it doesn't it doesn't hurt to ask sometimes we find in this journey um we're afraid to ask questions um but the more questions you can ask the better or easier it will be for you to um prevent something that is completely preventable yeah right um I know Jamie is somebody who was not I mean we we heard of the last you know last few episodes you know Jamie's not afraid to ask questions and um and you know as you have now met Gabe you you know that Gabe is not afraid to ask or to to be a part of that that process and um I think that shows in in your guys' journey your relationship um in in so many so many different different ways for more information or to sign up for a boot camp just go to stroke survivorbootcamp.com I'm Dr. Phil and I'll have more right after that Hey, this is Dr. Phil. If you're a stroke survivor and you want to regain motor function, improve mobility, and build real confidence in your recovery, then I want you to check out one of my Stroke Survivor Bootcamp training sessions. These are intensive, hands-on experiences designed to push performance, improve function, and help you get back to doing more of what matters in your life. Go to www.stroke survivorbootcamp.com and let's get you back on track one step at a time. You have friends. Gabe, you are somebody who just you know draws people in. But how frequently you interact with your friends or with the people that you know that uh you were close to before the strokes, has that has that changed? How how off how often you interact with them? No. So you still call them, you still talk to them? Yeah, yeah. I love it. You put in you put in work, yeah? Yeah.

unknown 46:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Why why how what do you think it is that uh has led to your success with that?

SPEAKER_01 46:58

Um, because friendships are built of trust. Um, and if you can't trust um anybody, then they aren't really your friend. Um I would agree. Um Calogi, Ryan, Biddle, um, Danny, um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Um so they they've they've been there for you. Yep. How how often did you hang out with them prior to your stroke? All the time. You guys would go out. What were some things that you guys would do?

SPEAKER_01 47:56

Um cover your ears.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Oh, I maybe we don't need to share this on the program. No.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

Um well we'll keep it often. So you you guys would often has that changed a little bit since the struggle?

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

Um so you're you're you you still have a relationship with them. Yeah, you're not going you're not going out and partying often.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

Um see, it's been two and a half years since I've parted partied with him.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Yeah. And so that's that's kind of changed. And so some of your guys' your your experience, you know, it from from my understanding, your guys' um uh relationship, you guys have instead of being pulled apart, because what typically happens you have one of two two routes that that happen is that one is is that uh couples will um start to grow further apart, and others, um, if you are if you're willing to put in that work, they they grow closer together. Would you guys say that you're closer together? This so that just you guys are like two peas in a pod.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

I mean, I know I know what Jamie thinks about you, and uh, you know, she she's expressed that before, but what what has Jamie been to you?

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Um she's been helpful, she's been um let's see. Um we got the single family home, we got my mobile home park industry, she's got um her transaction coordination job, and she flips homes. All four of them I couldn't ask her for any more.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

She's she's kind of kept that kept out going.

SPEAKER_01 50:33

Yeah. Besides me calling, um Alabama, Mississippi, um Kentucky, Indiana, Kansas, all those things are in the Mobile Home Park world. I do. Gotcha. She does the rest.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

What about what about um emotional support?

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Um I didn't tell you this, but um we're on not so good terms. Um after my stroke. Um like you don't know somebody unless you lose 'em. And I was about to get lost by her and she was an emotional basket case. Yeah. Um she was uh he can't talk. How do you know what's going on in here? It makes no sense. It makes no sense until until I kinda started talking bit by bit and bit by bit. And um yeah, um I told her I loved her um for all she's done for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:06

I I appreciate your bringing trying to explain, you know, the the experience.

SPEAKER_07 53:11

I mean, Jamie, is there anything you wanna wanna wanna add or yeah, so I want to ask you, Gabe, do you feel like because I I heard what you're saying, but I wanted to see. Do you mean, right? I was a basket case, but do you feel like emotionally we were ever disconnected? Yeah, you do, okay. Yeah, so that's interesting because I had always felt like I guess I was there, right? Or tried to be as much as I could, but didn't know how. So there actually, I do know what you're talking about. Like in the beginning, uh right after the stroke, I think there was this huge uncomfortable period with No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 54:01

Um, uh not after the stroke. Okay, before the stroke.

SPEAKER_07 54:11

Oh now this makes a lot more sense.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

I was gonna say so. So what what I was catching, what I was catching is that prior to the stroke, you know, it's kind of like the way that I would explain it is that, you know, we kind of go, we kind of are ourselves, right? And we're trying to figure out how we're navigating relationships and experiences, and um and there comes a point in in relationships where it it can it can there can be a struggle. Um but the thing that I've at least that I've found uh is is that when something like this happens, it has it can have a way of of helping helping us strip away the you know the pieces that maybe the pieces that were unnecessary to be able to focus on the pieces that are necessary, which helps us see how much we actually care and need the individuals that have been there the whole time that we've needed, but maybe we just didn't maybe we just didn't see that. And and and so I mean I'm I'm interested to to hear more. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 55:38

No, that that see, and maybe I was so hooked on those words, I missed it, but I would say that's a hundred percent true. Yep. When that happened, it was almost like every little anger or resentment that I had towards Gabe, I don't even know what they were anymore. I have no idea. And at the time, in particular in our relationship, we were very successful, you know, financially in business and all of these things, and very grateful for that because that's allowed, you know, um, for so much care and whatnot through this process. But we yeah, we were having some challenges, and yeah, I you'd say so. I yeah, but Gabe is different to me now because, like you said, all of the things that I thought that mattered in life don't really matter at all, and we it's like in those slow moments, we sit down and we slow down, and I don't know if I learned that through you know doing speech with him because there was a time early on in recovery, I mean, we did speech every day for hours a day for over a year.

SPEAKER_01 56:51

Um was it over a year?

SPEAKER_07 56:58

A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. And and when you sit with somebody in that, and you just realize what matters, and all of the things that I was taking for granted in my own life too, and you see how quickly life can change that morning on February 8th. We sang happy birthday to Gabe's, one of Gabe's very best friends, Danny, um, who has been so amazing as he is out in this office. Gabe was sitting right here in his chair. We sang happy birthday that morning, and that night our lives were completely different, and it took a long time for that to catch up to me. And in the meantime, it was like Gabe and I the it's gonna make me emotional. The way that I feel about Gabe now does not remotely compare to how I loved him before his stroke. I loved him, I fell in love with him, I married him, but going through something like that together, and Gabe is fighting his own fight, and mine's different, but you're doing it together. And we have been like inseparable. He said inseparable. The only time we've been apart is a couple of times when he's been in therapy and his parents have come and I have gotten some time to work. But other than that, you see morning and night, every little struggle, every little thing, and watching somebody's every little move, you appreciate them for more than just what they can do for you. I think before it was kind of like, oh, what can I get from my husband? He's not doing this for me. You know, I'm I'm right, all of these different things that I think a lot of us forget. We take our lives for granted. And it does. It's it's you get to learn as a care partner at least, you get to learn how to be a little more selfless. It's not, it just shifts your perspective on life. It's really hard to put into words, truly, the the way that I see gabe is through a total different lens than before. It doesn't even remotely compare.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

You see, the way that I the way that I describe what happens to us you know when you've had a stroke is you know, every single day when you go to bed, or at least for me, right, I wear glasses. And you know, I'm I'm I'm pretty blind. Like even right now, I'm you know, just I I can I can barely read the things that are on the wall that's just like you know, two, three feet in front of me, you know, if I don't have my glasses on. But imagine, you know, the way that you look at the world, you know, you every single person has glasses. And when you go to bed at night, you take those glasses off and you let them go, and you no longer are looking through a lens because you're asleep. But as soon as you wake up in the morning, it's like you roll over, grab your glasses, and put them on. And when somebody has a stroke, uh, the thing that happens is that the lens, you know, the lens is always changing because we always have new experiences that change our perspective. But imagine all of a sudden, in your glasses is now a lens that's like a magnifying glass. And now every single thing that you look at is so distorted and so changed that you have to fix a and focus on the smallest pieces just to be able to survive and experience what it is that you're looking at. And so the thing that I love seeing in that I think that people don't really understand is that individuals who've had a stroke and then their care partners, their lens got completely removed. Yeah, it's gone, it's not gonna be the same. In fact, when you when you finally are able to even see the floor because it's that distorted, yeah, you look over, and somehow, somewhere during the night, you had accidentally had a nightmare, grabbed your the glasses, then the lens of those glasses, and chucked them against the wall and they're shattered. And there's no way you're gonna be able to see the world through that perspective again. And so I I love I I I love, you know, there are certain things that carry through your personality, drive, uh, the way that you cope with things. That's something that I think has actually been very clear. Is that the way that uh you know, Gabe, that you when you've had struggle that's happened in your life, instead of running, you running away, you actually it's like you attack it. You attack it. It's like you know, the the story of the, you know, I think it's cows when they see a storm, they actually run to the buffalo. Yeah, when they run to they run into the storm because they recognize if they run into it, it's going to suck for a minute, but it's gonna be over sooner than if they were to run away. And you know, it's it's it's very apparent, and and it shows in in your story and in the the progress that you've made. Um, and you you know, even more so, you know, you guys as a couple and how you guys have had to work through certain things. Um, you know, because it's definitely not easy. You know, you guys, it's it's interesting, you know. Um I think part of it, you know, Gabe, your enthusiasm and your uh your personality, uh, you know, you you you look at the bright side uh in a in a lot of you're you're you're very I mean am I am I reading you wrong? I don't I don't think so. But maybe.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

Yeah, yeah. It's nine o'clock at night. I'm friggin' poot. I believe it. I'm poot. Yeah. Um and uh she said I was going to be pumped up after this. I am frig freaking pumped up.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:20

I know you are.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:21

Yeah, yeah. And it doesn't um uh it doesn't amaze me that I'm um I'm um excited and amused and um yeah one talk leads to another, leads to another, leads to another, and I'm getting pretty fired up about this. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:08

I I want to say I think I tr I th I think if somebody's like watching or listening to this, I think it probably sounds a lot more shiny than it really is.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

Um we have definitely Oh no, see this is the stuff, this is the stuff I want to hear. You know, the the reality, because there is this there is the the the stuff that it's there is good, but there's also stuff that's really tough.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:39

And I think that that like when you talk about Gabe's mindset and my mindset, I think that has been like really instrumental in his recovery, right? And like our ability to grow together as a couple and to do all those things. And that's why we built a business together before, because we like Gabe is just such a winner, he's not gonna take no for an answer. But I mean, there has been, there's not has been. I mean, there's still nights where I mean that what are we gonna do? How are we gonna make it? How are we gonna make it financially? Is Gabe ever gonna talk again? What is this gonna look like? What is our life? Is over? I mean, all of it, everything you can possibly imagine. You know, looking at Gabe laying in bed, and I I mean, I wouldn't sleep at all. I would just stare at him and make sure he was breathing. Like it's all you we really don't talk about it because I think Gabe and I have built that stuff is in the past.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:33

See, that's in the past. There we go.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:39

And so we don't even bored. We don't even talk about it. And some people might disagree with the fact, like when Gabe said, Well, the doctors think I have this diagnosis, but I don't know. It's not that we are rejecting a medical opinion, it's that it is there, but we the doctors don't freaking know we choose to move through our life as if things can be a different way than they are.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:04

I could be gone tomorrow, right? I could be gone tomorrow, so he lives every year. I could be long living life for another 50 years. You don't know that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

So, what are you gonna do with today?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:29

Yeah, what are you gonna do? And and we there's days though, I mean, we will like stuff stuff still sucks today. Like, I'm not even gonna lie.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:38

There, like since oh my god, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:44

Like, there are so many things, like as a care partner, right? I want to be able to make sure I financially support us, make sure that Gabe has opportunities.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

Drive in one car, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:55

All these different yeah, all these different things, or like after Gabe's stroke, we didn't know what was going on. So we we had to pack Gabe in an RV, and he was all still out of his mind three, four weeks after getting discharged from the hospital. Put him in an RV and drove across the country to Delaware and moved into his parents' living room and stayed there for how many months was that?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:22

Six.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:23

Because I we came home on my Birthday. I remember that. So February to July. Came home. We were home for a few months. A couple of years.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:34

And then I yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:36

And then the seizure started. We moved back to Delaware. All I mean our days were Gabe was went shot shot. They went short crazy. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:49

After the um after the RV, after the heart doctor.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:04

Oh, they went through had a PFO close. They weren't sure what was wrong with it. So doctors were just like, let's do this and let's do that. Yeah, it's all trialing things, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:15

Yeah. They didn't. They don't have a freaking clue.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:23

Talking about visiting being in a speech camp in another state where you're staying in a hotel, but then you get hospitalized, and it was yeah, it was there was a part there where I think both of us thought we were just simply gonna go mad. We didn't, it was, it got quite bleak there for a little bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:46

But I never give up.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:50

See, this is this is what I'm wanting to to highlight. I I am so grateful that you guys finally kind of you know opened up to to share because here's the thing, it is so hard to really open up and share um about the reality of of the experience, um, especially when you are a go-getter, especially when you when you know you you have a mindset that you're you're trying to that you just stay in as much as possible. But the thing that I want to highlight that I think is one of the most valuable pieces that I'm getting from this conversation is that first and foremost, life can suck. It can be really difficult. In fact, the uh the conversations, the the relationship, the the the money, the everything can be looking like it is so far gone. But yet through that and through that journey, there are some beautiful things that can happen and that can be results from the suck. And one of the things that um I I keep talking about, and it's funny, whoo, I'm gonna get emotional here. It's funny that I I'm talking about it and I talk about it to stroke survivors all the time, and yet that's a piece for me that I have to keep remembering about my own life, is that the the concept of learning to love the suck. You know, there's there's uh the the Marines, it's embrace the suck. But I I you know I think I'm one of the reasons why I'm drawn to both of you is is I mean, not a hundred percent of the time because nobody is a hundred percent of the time, but you guys you guys have experienced the suck, but are learning how to love suck in a half way years.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:57

For two and a half years, for and I think it's one thing, yeah, to embrace that suck. Like if you know you're doing something for a certain period of time, I think that's probably one of the hardest things because when Gabe first, like after we were went to speech therapy, and you, you know, a few months in, they're starting to give you like this timeline. And so then all of a sudden it was like, okay, you know, Gabe's like, one year, give me one year. And then it was like, give me a year and a half. And I think as a I can only speak for myself, but as a care partner, to also watch your loved one go, I'm not gonna make that year. What? And that's gonna make me emotional, right? What I thought my life was gonna be like from the time of the stroke, Gabe and I were like, if we work hard enough, if we just do it, do it more, do it harder, do it better, do it faster, we're gonna get our life back. We're gonna get it back. And then we slowly started realizing this is indefinite potential, right? This is is we I will never be my that life that I had who I was will never be the same, yeah. Yeah, and it and then there's part of it, right? Same hair, and that's what I'm saying, babe. So, did you feel like you were defeated though? Like that was the worst. You never felt like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:21

No, no, never I this is that mentality. This is the this is the Gabe mentality, you know. It's you get you get to that point where you could be there, and somehow you let that throw his mind, yeah. Yeah, and and you just you you just go, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:43

Um, in that two and a half years, my life has never been the same, but in that two and a half years, hasn't that got us closer? Hasn't that um um when we go to sleep and I fold my hands and pray and I journal in my book and who taught me that? Joanne uh Jana Um even Anna Um She tells me to pick up pick up your pieces before they fall out of your head. Which means which means don't go crazy which means don't go crazy and that means whatever that I do just look back and look forward. Look back and look forward because forwards is all we got to live for.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:29

Man, let's do a mic drop moment right there. Yeah, I'm assuming so so are these therapists?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:38

Um yeah, yeah, but it it it all was in my head from the day I was born. My um mother wouldn't let me wear a helmet for gymnastics. Why? Because she didn't freaking want um wanna and my um uh she told me um um she told me what's a kid bullying you I said yeah and she said knock him the frick out. So you know what I did? I knocked that mother fricker the Yeah Yeah and that's how it went. My mother just stood up for me. So you know where I went to college, you know where I went to high school, somewhere I didn't want to go, but it brought the best out of me. And you know what? You know where I went to college in North Carolina, you know where I went to um for that um um instructor camp in Brackenridge, you know where I went to uh Wichita, Kansas, you know where I went to Philadelphia, you know where I went to Utah and babe we can go anywhere you please. I love it besides it's Thailand, besides Thailand I know we can do anything, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:19

I think we probably feel like that more now because if we've gone through whatever this is, yeah. I mean it it's if somebody can learn to speak again when Gabe couldn't even get a sound out to being able to get this far along, I mean, we can do anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:44

And the thing that I I love is that and and I hate if I'm fully transparent, um, is the fact that in order to get where you are has required going through the suck. And I think, you know, Gabe, one of the things that you're you know, you're talking about, you know, it it required you to go through these all these different all these different experiences, different places that probably taught you different things and and helped you get to where you are right now. And the thing that is gonna be really cool is to see where you are as you move forward. And you know, to to allow that what's happened and be what's happened, and sit here and go, what is tomorrow going to be, and what am I gonna make it be? And I think that's I think that's a really cool thing. That's what I'm learning from you in in this conversation. Um man, I we I could I could just keep going, you know, with you guys. Um you know, I love how these conversations they they morph, they they change. You know, I come in with a plan, and oftentimes the the conversation will evolve, but it evolves, I believe, uh, in the direction that it's supposed to go. And that somebody who is is needing to hear um the message that came through tonight, they'll hear this, they'll hear this message, and they will find power, they will find hope, and they will find love, and they will find community. Because the more that the more that uh we can hear from you guys who are going through these experiences and the the great and not so great things that happen, the more it helps everybody, not just stroke survivors, but everybody realize that really I mean when it sucks, it's not a bad thing. And in i in in the end, it can be something that can end up being beautiful. You know, there's a whole kind of cliche thing of you know, what makes a diamond is a is the most amount of pressure, right? And without the pressure, you can't make the real diamond. And so I just I I appreciate that. And um one last question I want to ask you guys is there any advice, anything that you would like um those who are listening, you know, just kind of as like some some final words of of wisdom, is there anything that you would like to share to those who who are listening? And and those who listen will be therapists, survivors, and care partners.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:03

Yeah. Um let me tell you about my brother. My brother was um pretty good at school, pretty good at football, baseball, wrestling. Um uh he wanted a job at a school, so he got a job at school, but you know what he didn't do? He went um he hasn't gone through the sock. He hasn't gone through the sock, which I had to realize that I was always gonna go through the sock, and that's just what life has made of me. Um and just go through the sock and enjoy your life through it because it's going to be over. Whether that's two years, whether that's five years, whether that's seven years, whether that's a year. Go through the socket and enjoy your um fantasies, um um yeah. In uh enjoy the possibility of you getting down and dirty with it. Enjoy the suck. Because one day, one day one day you're gonna like me. Like me. You'll know when it comes that time comes when you meet God. God is your holy ground, and I don't care what the basis is. I'm sorry if you're not religious, but I am, and uh so is Jamie. And when that time comes, you'll know it. You'll know it.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:49

Thank you. I I yeah. Not much, not much more to say from from me, Jamie. Anything that you want to add?

SPEAKER_07 1:24:59

Well, I don't know how to follow that up, um, but I will share that right who's listening, therapists, care partners, stroke survivors is spend that extra time, slow down if you're a therapist. We have therapists that don't slow down. I'm not saying if you're in the ER or something, but we've Gabe has a very special therapist that she is just um a godsend. I don't know what we would do without her, and she has taken the time to show Gabe that he is important, his recovery matters. Um, if you're a care partner, try not to rush. Can you sit with your survivor? Let them finish their words. If they're trying to finish their words, let them make their cup of coffee if they're trying to make their cup of coffee. And I promise you, whatever it is that you think is so important, getting so emotional, so important that you have to go do it. I promise you it's really not that important because it really is in those little moments that it's like those twinkles and those things that you're doing that we want to rush through. We want to get to the thing, and we sit in those moments and we're there. And as a care partner, we're we're in the recovery with the people that we love and we care about because we're slowing down, and then you get to see the light turn on in their eyes because a lot of the times a survivor, a stroke survivor gets passed up I don't know how many times a day, brushed off by people, passed up by people, by their own family, by their own friends, by people in society. Sometimes the care partner is maybe the only person that's giving that extra beat and that extra moment to be like, hey, you're still an important human being, even if it doesn't seem like you're contributing in this certain way, and a therapist slowing down. And if you're a stroke survivor, I just admire you for all that you're doing. And I think that the survivors are the people that we should really be learning from because they're the people that are overcoming the impossible. I cannot imagine losing something that I take for granted every single day. And so I just think that we there we we have so much to learn from you guys as you wake up every single day and make a choice to get better every single day. That's a choice, you don't have to do that, and you choose and you fight. And I just I don't know. Everybody in the stroke community is just uh so inspiring. And so, anyway, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:35

Uh thank you, man. This is this has been a great, a great episode. Um, uh this is one I'm gonna go back and listen to multiple times. Uh there's so many little pieces that I think are just golden nuggets that I think are so valuable, uh, not just if you're a stroke survivor, but just a human being. And so um I just want to thank you guys for being on here and thank you guys for listening. And um, you know, this this podcast is is evolving and morphing into uh into something that I think um continues to bring uh the value that I think we need. And um not just we as a as you know, you guys as a stroke community, but also we as as therapists and and you guys as as care partners. And so just remember. Um the you know, really it comes down to even though everything seems big, everything seems in the way, it comes down to just remember it just takes one step at a time. I'm Dr. Phil, and this is Stroke Survivor Bootcamp.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:58

Breathe count it out every scarf.