Are You Being catfished

Online dating has created more opportunities than ever to meet new people, but it has also opened the door to deception, In this episode, we talk about the reality of "CATFISHING", how it happens, and the warning signs that someone online may not be who they claim to be who they claim to be.

"Are You Being Catfished?" explores the common tactics used by people who create fake identities in online relationships. 

You'll learn practical ways to protect yourself while dating online, how to verify who you're talking to and what healthy online communication should look like in the early stages of getting to know someone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to Relationship Coaching Group Podcast. Whether this is your first time visit or you've been following us, don't forget to download this podcast to reference later, because here we keep it real with scenarios, tips, and suggestions. Everything relationship-centered. Hello, I'm Roxanne, your relationship coach and host, along with my co-host, the professor. Together we've been coaching couples and singles for over 20 years, and we're here to work with you. So get ready for today's podcast because we're going to be talking about catfishing. And are you being catfished? But before we start, I want to introduce you to the professor. Hello, Professor.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Oh my gosh. I'll be waiting for this.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Yes, this is.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

You're not here in the studio, so I am like a little kid right now, because this is like big. This is huge. So folks, hello, welcome. Thank you for all your wonderful support. But I'm ready to get into this because this is the most disgusting thing out there.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yeah, and that we experience with with a lot of our boomings.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

We we unfortunately have to clean this mess up. Yeah, I wish we could delve in and and go after these people, but uh there is there's a couple of shows, and we are not affiliated with them in any way. I don't want to make that clear. We we we have nothing to do with them. Right. But there is a show called Catfish and Catfish UK. Yes. Please go and watch them because it helps to for you to see the red flags yourself.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

And to and and to see that you don't want to fall into strap. Right, right. Unless you're aware. Right. They have the means to do all that we don't, but we are there at the end to pick up the pieces with them.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

So Yeah, and sometimes let's do this. Let's do this. Because you know, we've asked each other a lot when we get the get our clients. We come think, we say, why do people allow themselves to be catfished? Yes. That's that's our big question. And I have a few bullets.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Go for it.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Okay? One is due to intense loneliness.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Is is is that what you find when your clients come to you with this with this issue about being catfished?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

They're lonely.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

We see it. I know you do, I do. It's the loneliness syndrome. You've got two main groups. I'm gonna put them in. You've got your people who focus on Korea, um, you know, doing doing all their things. Find them, you know, whatever they want to do in their lives, but they're focused on them. Then you have the other group that, and there's nothing wrong with them, they just want love, they want to settle down, they want to have a family, they want to be married, they want, they want to feel those arms of embrace. And there's nothing wrong with that. Right, right. But you can't do it through not knowing who they are.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Right. And these are people who are pretty much maybe say some are homebodies. Yes. They are they're computer nerds, and they're t they're TV nerds, or they they don't go out much, but they're lonely and they want that companion.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

And it's not just them, but even working people. Right, right, of course. Of course. Can I uh can I uh just jump in here real quick. Sure, sure. Because I want to share this. Sure, do that. Young man, he's I think late 30s, I think he was. I'm trying not to mention his name. I won't mention his name. No, but in his, I think he was like 31, 32, met this woman, gorgeous, spent so much time online. Right. They were supposed to meet, didn't happen. And then they're supposed to meet again, didn't happen. Playing tickets, I got sick. And this went on for two years. Wow. Even his friends were telling him, Yeah, wake up, hello, there's your sign. And they would they would only talk once in a while, but there was always a lot of background noise, like she was at work, or so it was a lot of texting back and forth. And I've been a lot of pictures too. There was a lot of pictures, and the telltale signs are a lot of pictures of them, you know, um sexy and stuff like that in a swimsuit or um but that's just to keep you latched on.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

I not a control, Professor, but I had a uh a client who whenever she would say um whenever she would say something, uh you know, um I'm gonna get my I'm gonna go get some ice cream. Well, a picture from this unknown person would send her pictures of of him getting ice cream.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

That's creepy.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Yeah. And when when he when he would text her, message her, say, um when they were texting, and he would say, I'm out having uh dinner with some friends, he would send a picture of this picture with friends. They get very elaborate. Also, they get very creative. Every everything that he would say he was doing, he would send her a picture to show.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

It it gets very elaborate. These people can pull this off, and you know, it's either people you've met or people that are fascinated with you. It could be another woman, could be another man. You never know. Right. You know, unlike on the the shows, you know, they they have a crew of people that go in and investigate and try and find them and everything. Right. We're just there to pick up the pieces and try and heal them, but the devastation that is left behind. So this is why we're doing this particular podcast. And trust me, this is just part one.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Because there's gonna be many parts to this.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Definitely. And another pointer is the desire to be validated. They they they want so badly or they love it when someone validates.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yes, that you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yes, did you ish today? Yeah, they the concern about the this is all revelation. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

These people know how to because you've re revealed so much of yourself. Yeah, and they also go on your social media, they look at your social media. Because a lot of people put out what's going on in their lives.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Exactly. So they have that ammo.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

And then there's been some creepy ones where you may not have told them where you live or work, but they've found out where you live or work through social media. Through social media because you've posted you're outside your house, you've posted at your your work, here coming to work, right? Hi guys. No, stop all that. Yes, yes, you don't realize that's just that's just stuff for them to reel you in.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Right. And another pointer is the willingness to overlook the red flags. Don't overlook the red flags. You know what red flags are.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

When you get a picture and she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, she looks like she just fell from heaven. Stop it. It's filters. Trust me. It is filters or manipulation. Or they're using somebody else's picture. Using somebody else's picture or whatever it may be. Right. If they can't talk to I'm not gonna jump too far because you know I'm very passionate about this.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

You you cannot. When you meet somebody online, you should be able to speak to them on the phone. If you can't speak to them on the phone, hello, red flag. Right, right. If you can't do a video, red flag.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Right. Because they'll say, I'm at work, I can't I can't do a video chat.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Then call me when you get home.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Right. And then Oh, I fell asleep when I got home. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Now I'm back at work. Yeah. I'm riding my bike, I can't hear you because of all times of the reason. This is the stuff that we have seen, because we've asked to see the text messages back and forth so we can get an idea. And the sermon, the crazy excuses. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

It is, it is. And then another pointer.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

I got stuck in the bathroom was one.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

I love my butt off. No, that not that one. They use that one. Yeah. Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah, I left my phone and I got stuck in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Okay, the other point I want to make is they're looking for the ideal romantic or emotional connection.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

They like the thrill, the mystery. Yes. You know, who is this person? Wow. And they want they you don't even know me. You don't even see me, but you love me and you want to be with me. You know, he feels me, he or she fulfills me, she understands me. Yes. But you've never met them. Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Stop. And a lot of times never even spoke with them to hear their voice.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Even the gentleman that I was last working with, I I found out half later. He was in two years and he was sending her money.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Oh, yeah, that's that's right. And when he cut the money. Is that the one that is that the one that he was sending for for her to buy tickets?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Send her money to buy a ticket. Send her money to to uh they were gonna go on a cruise, send her money for a cruise. They were gonna meet up on the cruise. Wow. Never had. Oh, gee. That's that's hard. And the only reason he stopped sending money because his friends were riding him big time. Right. And how long did that take? Two years. Two years. This guy was devastated.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Oh, I can imagine. And you know, some people are just emotional, emotionally vulnerable. They may be hooked by the too good to be true persona that fulfill their desire for intimacy without immediate real word cuts, real world consequences.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

There's a difference between reality and fantasy.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah. And they can be in a relationship and not have the consequences of of spending money on them or but they they're in a relationship. This is my boyfriend. But we haven't gone out on a date. We haven't um seen each other if we haven't met up, but this is my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Right. You've not seen each other. You you don't taught you guys and gals, I can't stress it enough. Do not create a relationship based on a picture that you don't know if this is the person.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Right. Because sometimes in many cases, if it's too good to be true, it isn't probably it's not true. It probably isn't.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

You know, you you cannot have a relationship with a fantasy person.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Right. So if you've met someone online and you can't physically see them, video chat with them, and then go on a date and physically see them, because all you will ever see is a picture. Right. And that may not be the person. And then let's say you video chat, right? Let's say it is the person. Uh you video chat and all you see is the head. And then you actually go meet in person, you know? They've got one leg, they're in a wheelchair, they weigh 600 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I mean, you Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Don't put yourself in the that vulnerable position and fall for a picture. Right. Until you meet them in person, do not emotionally attach yourself to a picture.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Right. I have some characteristics of those who may be catfished. And I'm breaking down. It's some people are extremely lonely and desire for the connection. Again, it goes back to that intense loneliness. They're lonely and they desire that connection. Yeah. Because they they haven't had that connection or they they are they're vulnerable. They may have just had a a breakup you know months before or or recently, and they're vulnerable. And they want that, they want that connection.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Because they're not comfortable in their own skin. They don't trust in themselves.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

And you I have seen women who men who are good looking, they're beautiful women, that fall for the because they're they're so emotionally available that they put themselves completely out there. And then when you you connect with this person, well not person, you connect with a picture. And then that picture is not real.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

The emotional damage that it's caught it's caught on you, it's left you with.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Right. Right. And and then just to piggyback on that, vulnerable people, particularly those who are or feel isolated, may fall for someone offering affection. But it's just what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

And they're vulnerable. You have a you have a people who fall for that that have had bad relationships who don't think they're dateable. Right. Who don't think they're beautiful or handsome. People fall for that are the ones that uh put so much of their emotions out there. They're too emotionally available. And I think the the worst one is the one that wants a relationship so bad that they will settle for anything.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Yes, yes, well, and that's that's it. And emotional neediness. Yeah. People who are who have this emotional neediness, that's someone who have a strong need for an emotional connection. And it can lead them to ignore the red flags, just to live in that fantasy world that, you know, this could be real.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Telling themselves that this could be real, even though they kind of know it's a fantasy, it's a fantasy that they're living in.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

They don't want to believe it.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Believe it. That it's it's not.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

You cannot live life, you know, as much as we want to live life's sort of fantasy, and it feels warm and inviting. Ficy. Yeah, it it it is not. It I equate catfish relationships as living in the matrix.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Right. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

It doesn't exist. Right, right. That's good. You're living in the matrix. But they don't want to see it. But they don't want to see it. They love the matrix.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Yes. Another another area where people may uh be pulled into being catfish, low self-esteem.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Oh my gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I know we talked about that before. They someone with low self-esteem may feel that they don't deserve a real life partner, and they're looking at the online fantasy as more believable.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Because their self-esteem is so low, they truly believe that they are not worthy of being loved because they think how they look or their features. There's a uh lovely lady, her features were very strong. And they uh she always said that guys felt like she was a guy. Oh wow because her features were strong. Right, right. But she was a pretty lady. Yeah she she had, you know, very attractive, beautiful figure, everything. And she actually did some modeling because of her features.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

But she could never find there was that perfect that guy.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

There were people she dated, but it just was never uh fulfilling.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Until she met this person online. Oh, and she fell into the trap. She fell into the trap six months, and finally she was like, We we've gotta meet. And it never happened. It happened only like five times supposed to meet. And she said, if you're not gonna meet me, I'm cutting off. Right. Even months after that, when she came to me, she was still hurt like that. Right. That she awed her because then she was like, It's devastating. Is it me? You know, is there something wrong with me? She always said that men would always say, Are you a guy? And she said, I'm not a guy. But because she had strong facial features, which actually looked good on her because her hair she had her hair show, everything. I mean, she she looked really good.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

But over the years, people have made her feel not attractive. Yes, of her self-esteem. So her self-esteem was love. Yeah. And she did model in to build her self-esteem.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Right, right. And another uh point that I want to make about those that may be led into catfish, being catfish, the fantasy factor.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

And this is that where one may even enjoy the game or their ideal love interests, choosing to believe the lies. They'd rather believe the lies than to let this go. The fantasy factor.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

That's like me telling you pigs can fly and you believe it.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

It's the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

There there has to be, we can't fall for that nonsense. Right. You know, I've said it already and I'll say it again. If you're not seeing that person within a few days, like a video chat, because I say they live in another state. Right. If you're not video chatting, then cut it off.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah, yeah. And you know that the they they don't even think about the costs of the game because after investing time and emotion, they may find it hard to believe that they've been duped.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

So they don't they don't even, yeah, they don't they ignore the costs of the game.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

So I'm gonna tell you about, and this was for about five years ago. And this is an older lady. Okay. She's in her late 50s.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Wow, alright. Catfishing doesn't discriminate. No.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

And this and this person that she was supposed to be seeing was younger. And he made her feel good, yeah. Made her feel sexy, made her feel wanted, handing over that money. Handing over that money. So he was asking for money. Yep. Um, the story that was used, he was um American stuck in Africa, and he does mission, and he he's while it was impossible, was stole. Oh, all these stories, these elaborate stories. And never see him. It was just, you know, emails and message, text messages and stuff. And this went on for years. Finally, you know, her daughter said enough. That's a big thing. Cut it off everything, changed her number, blocked his his daughter, blocked her number and everything. Two years later, here's this guy back in her life again. And she and she went for it again? And she went same guy, she went for it again. So it's a whole number another number.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

So they are relentless.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Yeah, oh yes. That is this is a very, very sensitive topic, you know, for for us because we hate seeing our clients come to us. We really hate seeing it.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

The devastation that is left behind is brutal.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Yes. Now I have uh little statistics for you, professor. Nearly 60% of those targeted fall within the 18 to 34 age range.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I believe it.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

18 to 34. And then the 30 to 39 age group is specifically reported as the highest number of catfishing incidents. 30 to 39. And that kind of tells me because at that point you want a relationship. Yes. You want to be in a relationship, even if you're uh out of one, you want to get back into a relationship, or you haven't had a relationship in years. I guess I know people who haven't had w relationships since high school and they're in their thirties and mid thirties, and they're longing for a relationship. And these people are this age group are vulnerable and susceptible to believing what comes to because this is a tech generation.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

So anything come through their computers?

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Social media has ruined dating.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

There are so many dating apps and there's so many people out there that just want a quickie, a booty tool, whatever you want to call it, and that person's looking for romance. Yeah. And they tell you what they want you want to hear to get what they want. Oh, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Exactly. Exactly. And lastly, uh we we're gonna give them some some tips to choose.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Far away.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Insist on leading. You mentioned this, Pat uh Professor, you mean mentioned this earlier. Insist on meeting publicly very early in the game, preferably bet between or within two weeks. Each order. And if they make excuses not to meet, red flag.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Because if they're into you, they will want to meet you as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Put on that life rest and jump ship.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

That's right. And you know what they could do too, especially if they're they're tech savvy? They could do a Google reverse image search. Yes. Yeah. To see if if their photos belong to someone else.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

There are so many things you can do.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Oh, yes. So get with the times. This is what, 2026?

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Get with the times. Just make sure you're dealing with an honest, true person. And if you feel you are being catfished, stop all communication immediately. Lock down.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Block.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

And if someone's if you insist and someone says, you don't trust me, you don't love me, don't fall for that. Don't. Because people will use that. I thought you loved me. I thought you trusted me.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

I'm just in a place where I don't have good internet.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

You can go down to your local burger place and get internet. Right. So there's no reason you can't get internet. None at all. If you love that person, you will find internet. Yes. So there's no excuse for any of that.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Well, first I'm I'm gonna bring a little conclusion here.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Oh, for goodness sake.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

This is just part one. We're gonna be doing another part.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

So close this out, hon.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Okay. Catfishing is built on deception and control, deceiving who they are and controlling your time and your heart. And if you've never met someone in person or a live video, now another thing, Professor, they have to be careful for AI. Yes. AI is is filtering in, so you have to be careful of that. But there is a big chance, aside from AI, if you've never met them in person or or had a live video where you see more than just the head, because they can do stuff with just the the face thing. There's a big chance that that person is not who they claim to be.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

And if they make, Professor, you may you brought this up again. You did you did the whole podcast early on. Sorry, I'm so nervous. That's okay. The last point. If they make excuses once or twice at the last minute that they can't make a set meeting that you that you've made with them, they may not be who they claim to be. Big red flag. Again, block them. Block, block, block them. So, Professor, I am gonna let you um close with a a a last viewpoint. I want to apologize for hijacking. No.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Yeah. No, you did good. This is one of the It so touches our heart because it's and it breaks our heart. The damage that it causes. Yes. And that damage doesn't it lasts for a long time. Yes, it does. Because it does. What happens afterwards is that you feel ashamed. You feel like you've been used and abused, you feel violated. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

Because you share so much intensive self. And that's what they come and say.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Well, I I sh I I told them everything. Yeah. And they were so sympathetic.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

So but thank you guys for listening. We really do appreciate you. You love you guys. And um, if you want to be on the show, we're happy to have you. We do do uh live um podcasts for you to jump in. Yes. We'll send you a link and you can be part of it. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Yes, uh thank you so much for being a part of the relationship coaching group community. And you are you're part of this community. We thank you. And if today's conversation resonated with you, remember that strong relationships don't just happen, they're built with awareness, communication, and the courage to grow together. And if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow the podcast so you don't miss future conversations about dating, relationships, emotional growth, and building deeper connection. And if you know someone who might benefit from today's topic, share this episode with them. And you can find us at relationshipcoaching group dot com. And until the next time, speak your needs clearly, listen without interrupting, and remember, you are not alone. Together, we got this.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

We got you.