SPEAKER_01

I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors. Social mods. Welcome to the jungle. We've got fun and games. We've got anything you want. I don't know the rest of the song. We are very crazy girls. We have got some knees. If you wanna come along and we've got knees or needs. Knees, I said. Knees if you wanna have some meat at the jungle. Oh, this has gone wrong already.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the jungle. Lindsay, this is stressful. I don't want to be in the jungle. Where do you want to be? Hmm, Lapland.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Lapland. We've got tiny horses that are reined here that are what are they? No, I want to be sat on your lap. Lap is that lapland. There's enough lap for everyone. I've got indigestion. Hello, I'm Lindsay Santoro. Amy Mason. Harriet Dyer. We're gonna get you.

SPEAKER_02

Do you have a middle name, Harriet? Louise. Oh, everyone has Louise, don't they? Louise or Marie? I wonder if you're Marie.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah! Why are you? Patricia. Catherine.

SPEAKER_01

Catherine? Are you Catherine? Oh yeah, you look like a Catherine. Can I show you guys something? Look at this bruise. Oh, I saw that. What happened? I don't know. But it's a for for the audio, it's a bit round. It's about the size of a 50 piece. It's very purple. Is it exactly? But it's like got a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but I don't remember doing it. It looks like you've been aggressively thumbed. Have you been pinned down?

SPEAKER_01

No, I haven't. No. I think this is gonna be a doorknob.

SPEAKER_00

You two meant sexual. I meant like you'd been held up like a at gunpoint. Yeah, okay. Why wait? What's that man, Dick Turpin? Oh, what's that man, Dick Turpin? You know that many people.

SPEAKER_01

I bet you and David play games like that, Dick Turpin. I can imagine it. Dick Turpin. Oh no. I couldn't do role play because I just wouldn't. No, your voice didn't. My mum said to my dad, come here, you nut I'm a policewoman, and I'm gonna get you, you dirty rat.

SPEAKER_02

My mum said to my dad, what would you do if I put on a French maid's outfit? And he said, Ask you to make me a cup of tea.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's really nice. I would um la la, I'm a cheeky maid coming to clean your house. Is that doing anything for anybody? Hello.

SPEAKER_02

I've got scratches on my arms because my guinea pigs escaped. Not not a euphemism.

SPEAKER_01

And um why would it be a euphemism? I don't know, something like that.

SPEAKER_02

But what have you got up there?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

And I I found I had to go and get I had to go and get um them out of blackberry bush.

SPEAKER_00

Oh no, no, uh but what what could that be?

SPEAKER_01

What that mark this yeah I think I've walked into a into a door handle.

SPEAKER_02

Not interested in the guinea pigs, not interested in the guy.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like you've said it in the last podcast. No, she said it before we started this podcast. Oh we sat in the other room talking about it.

SPEAKER_00

So I was worried that it was the same story, that's why I changed the subject. That's why she just disengaged.

SPEAKER_01

Amy Mason, please tell me the story of your guinea pigs, because when you told it before, it was fun.

SPEAKER_02

They got my guinea pigs escaped. They're in a blackberry bush. I was proud of myself because I just didn't even hesitate. I just threw myself into the bush.

SPEAKER_01

What are they called again, the guinea pigs?

SPEAKER_02

Bunger, which is the name of uh Honey Badger from the Lion Guard.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Politician. The really upsetting one, Bungabunga, wasn't he called?

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, there was no Bungabunga parties, that was Bellasconian.

SPEAKER_01

You're thinking of um the one from Eurovision, Bangaranger. No, I'm not. Bungabunga.

SPEAKER_02

So there was a party.

SPEAKER_01

Anyway, I call a bungalow a bungee. A bungee. Do you want to go bungee jumping? What from a bungalow? Yeah, it's less stressful. Do you want to sponsor me doing a bungee jump? Just hold on to your sock and step out the window. What are you doing? Just pushing me now off a roof. You come in. 50 pee, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_02

So you get a big escape, they're in a bush. I know. I threw myself in with what's the other one called Bungie and Biscuit. And then I threw myself in and I scratched myself everywhere, and I was swearing. Do you pick the blackberries and make crumbles? I have done once, and I might do again this year for a while.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, it's so delicious. Blackberry and Apple crumble.

SPEAKER_02

I can't, I don't like apple crumbles. Come around mine. All the whole lane, all the way round, and the side is just full of blackberry bushes. Oh, fantastic. Run to mine, we could pick them, it'll be like a poverty thing.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. It's a I feel like a sick. No, I just feel like oh yeah, come round.

SPEAKER_02

It's a poverty job.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I don't know if you're going around taking things out of the wild, or you're not you're not got a house.

SPEAKER_02

It's called foraging. Maybe I live in putting.

SPEAKER_01

We wash the blackberries. But you still take them off to someone else's bush. No, it's Amy's bush. No, she's saying go down the road and come off the ball. We would go doctor picking as children. No, they're not too high up. But you two live in the wilderness and stuff, don't you? Like I've often I live in the suburbs where we've got hot water in the wheels.

SPEAKER_00

She lives in Bristol.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So do I.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. This is so Bristol. There was a man juggling. There was a man juggling at a um juggling. Juggling. A man juggling. Juggle, juggling. You know when people are like busking and he was juggling at um traffic lights, okay? So he was juggling at the traffic lights so people would give him money, you know, and it was baking hot and it like it was juggling. And my daughter went, can I wind down the window? And I said, why? And she said to say hello to Tom. And I said, What? And she said, Yeah, that man runs one of my after schools. He runs at one of our after school clubs. What? See, he he'd be picking uh berries. So Bristol, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

But why so he wanted money?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he's like, he's is a circus person, but he was just at yeah, he does like a thing where he busks at like traffic lights.

SPEAKER_01

Even though I can't juggle, I cannot juggle. I'd love to juggle.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's very concerning that he does the after school.

SPEAKER_01

Rich can get your mic, Rich, but involve yourself rather than sitting there on a couple of things. No, don't encourage him in this.

SPEAKER_02

It's a circus thing, he's a circus person. He hates, but they're all just fucking. Can you juggle with the clubs?

SPEAKER_00

HR.

SPEAKER_02

HR.

SPEAKER_01

He's been terrible. You in your head.

SPEAKER_02

Emily's chinos. You know, I put on our group chat about because he look he wears chinos, which says we've established, and I put on that, like, it's Chico Time by Chico, and it like it's Chino time, and I've had it stuck in my head ever since I put it there.

SPEAKER_01

It's a good sign. I've constantly for the past four years had the um and it leaves me for a little bit, but it always comes back and it's the homes under the hammers thing.

SPEAKER_02

Do do di do di do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Whenever I do anything. If we walk into a room, like here we are, in another bedroom terrace. Yeah. Sorry, Harriet. I know you're looking at me in disgust, but that's what's stuck in my head. If you've got any suggestions of what how to get it out, I'd be greatly appreciated. What's the theme tuning to dinner date, Harriet? Oh yeah. We cannot find the episode.

SPEAKER_02

Harriet is on dinner date.

SPEAKER_01

Episode it's 18 or 21 of the first series. Yeah. The she cooks. I remember it. Raw chicken, no table, sat on the floor. Sat on the floor. And then she's like, Oh, I don't know if he's gonna pick me.

SPEAKER_00

I tell you, Harriet, before he's even had that is not what happened. I didn't want him to pick me. I hated him and I wanted to give him zero stars, and they made me give him one star. Why did you want to give him zero stars? Because he had no chat. He like, as I said at the time, it was a disaster. I would have liked someone to go, bloody hell, this is a right disaster, and we could laugh at it. Whereas instead he pretended it was fine and then slagged me off, but and he said he couldn't live with that about me, and then did an impression like that about me. I hate him! I love how loyal you are, Amy. Isn't she really loyal? Like if I is he now can we find Greg from Derby? Greg from Derby, Greg from Derby. I hope you've got piles, Greg. Yeah, and all of his friends were going, oh my god, you had a terrible time with them women. Like they were all them women?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

He was like a rugged, he just was you. As I said on the thing, I said he's 10 to a penny, is like, you know, someone that stands on the side of a dance floor and everybody's done for slacking him off. But she did feed him raw fucking chicken. Well, let me tell you what happened there. I got very discombobulated and I must have turned the oven. I turned the oven off. What? You uh I turned the oven off after the starters, which he said I didn't know we were having bread rolls. They were my fish cakes. I forgot about the fish. Queen of the seafish. We have to find the pan. I had it on the DVD, but I've I don't know what's happened to it. Um and then uh and then so the heat from the oven for the uh fish cakes m uh made the chicken look like it was cooked on the outside, but it was completely raw in the middle. Pink as a as a pink thing. Yeah, it was really bad. Why did he sit on the floor? I didn't have any seats. She had a coffee table like this, just made him sit round it. No, he sat on the sofa, I sat on the floor. Oh, that's even worse. I don't care. I had a tiny house in Birmingham at the time. Yeah. Great uh Great Bar I lived.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's weird that you lived in Birmingham and we never crossed. Yeah, it's quite sad, really. I think I'd started just after you'd moved to up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but it was a disaster. I gave him the shit. He was supposed to- I'm not fucking surprised. You fed him raw chicken. Who he who pretended because he's such a moron, he also I forgot that he added me on Facebook and then I slagged him off and then he was like, Oh, thanks. Um he um this is how stupid he was. He pretended it was nice, and so then et it knowing it was raw. That's that's on him. Anyway, so he was supposed to then go for, but what he didn't know is that the the camera people had already told me that he I think he went back after the first date and slept with the first girl, and he just like he got a really drunk and sort of like prom not like that, but got a sort of promise to like because he was one of them that would just sort of tell you what you wanted to hear, and then she like when he didn't pick her, she was devastated, she was like you could see it, she was so sad. It was but I knew all this, and then I thought his head would be under the cloch.

unknown

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, because they turn up with the microwave me. Yeah, yeah. I was so happy he didn't pick me.

SPEAKER_01

Have you been on any dates this week? Anyway, don't date anymore, given up.

SPEAKER_02

I d I don't feel sad about it though. I really like my house and I like my little things that I do.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and if someone comes along, they'll just fit into it. Well, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_02

I don't have anyone living in my house though. Well no, you can't. Where would they put all their stuff anyway? Well no, they wouldn't have to. Somebody else there, yuck.

SPEAKER_01

I do look round my house and go, where is David? Where does where's his stuff? Does he not have any stuff? Like I just kind of go, well, it's my my shoes are there, his shoes are hidden, where are the posters on the wall of mine? He has like the back room, but you know, where does he fit in to my house?

SPEAKER_00

But that's good. He just fits For me, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you want though. Someone that fits in from a distance.

SPEAKER_02

I do get very set of my ways because I've lived on my own now. I've had my own house now for over five years, and I feel like I'm very set in my ways. Like when people come and stay and stuff, I feel a bit like even though my house is messy and stuff, but it's my you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

Your stuff. Have you have you done anything ever this way?

SPEAKER_00

Yes, I went to the Isle of Skye. How was that? I got all I finished mine. Oh yes, I was gonna ask about your tattoos because I saw them the other day. Yeah, I've got them. So I've got a dolphin with a jammy dodger spinning it around, I've got a slug, I've got a crab with shoes on, yeah, I've got uh salamander skiing, yeah, an alpaca, a wind-up pig, Marcel DeShaw with shoes on.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, can I see that?

SPEAKER_00

Why did you decide them all?

SPEAKER_02

Why is there the dolphin with the jammy dodger?

SPEAKER_00

Uh because my mum was so wonderful, and she we once got her a brooch, a joy, a jammy dodger brooch for Christmas, and she and she like loved it so much. And then Marvin reminds me of a dolphin. That's yeah, I see that. It's weird, but I don't know how it yeah. And then what about the others? Uh triceratops, love dinosaurs. Uh, slug, got slug in the show, crab wearing shoes, why not? Hedgehog, my hedgehog bit live at the Apollo, alpaca look a bit like one. Then she went over me as the pigeon lady in Home Alone 2, but with slugs. Wind up pig, my mum had a little wind up. Never had that before. Yeah, but that looks more like you now than it ever has. Oh good. A wind up pig. My mum got this lovely metal pig from the Birmingham German market, and uh it's got this lovely little saying on it, but I can't remember what it is, but I love it. And Marcel the Shower shoes on and Grandma Connie, because they're the best. I love them.

SPEAKER_01

Can I don't know if you can see the llama, the alpaca, sorry, my my apologies.

SPEAKER_02

That is Harriet. Yeah. Did I oh I probably said this on the last one, but or the one before. But you know, we went we went to Harriet's donkey lady's house, and she said that she'd had alpaca guinea pigs, and Harriet thought they were like guinea pigs that had really long necks, like alpacas. That's where I just went. What are you talking about? Thank you. That guinea pigs were just very soft, kind of alpaca-you know. I thought I was mad. No, I went. She thought they were like tiny alpacas with long necks. Yeah, that's what I thought. Hello? I'm just looking at the camera now. Those two, I have to do this podcast with them. Who is listening to this? Can you just does anybody else listening to this think what they thought? Am I the weird one or are they the weird one?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, if I say there's an alpaca guinea pig, I think, oh, that's the tiny guinea pig with a long head. Long long head.

SPEAKER_00

Spit him? Oh, yeah, because Donkey Lady's son had to pretend had to take his sandals off and and like a like a a a riot shield at the alpaca like a spit.

SPEAKER_01

So has he been to the Isle of Sky to have some tattoos this week?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I had to get because it's so far.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I know. It's been beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, then what was it like that? And why do you go there now? Beautiful, because my lovely lady moved to the Isle of Sky. So I had to go all the way that that's where I got them all. But now I want my legs done.

SPEAKER_01

I really want one of her tattoos. I think they're lovely.

SPEAKER_00

Do you want to come on a pilgrimage with me to the Isle of Sky? How long does it take to get there? Well, I think the uh if I were to do it again, because I went straight from Lanzarotti. Yeah, that's not great. So I think the way to do it is to fly to Inverness, Hierkart, and then drive three hours. Do you want to do that? Where is there like how big is it there? It's so uh remote, the Isle of Sky is. There's just like there's one Chinese an hour away. And they're bean sprouts. Something was weird with them.

SPEAKER_01

How does he have a bean? I love the fact you've gone to a remote Scottish place and you've gone, do you know what I want?

SPEAKER_00

Chinese, guess why I had day two, Indian. I'm not even drinking. Oh god. Uh Harrier, does she have much call for tattoos there? Yeah, she's so she's busy till November. She's thriving. And she said there's this guy who I uh probably will never meet, but know that I would love him, and he um gets tattoos of rotten vegetables.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00

Like potatoes looking gnarled. Does she never leave the Isle of Sky?

SPEAKER_01

Would she come down here?

SPEAKER_00

No, because she to be honest, she was in gossip, which is how I met her, and um, and I I always thought because you never because because someone's how you meet them, I never would ever think that she wasn't happy, but she's just like radiant, she's so happy there. So I wouldn't want her to not be there. No, but I mean like what she lived with, why is she there? How what happens? Oh, she's from no, she's not on the run. She's on the run. She's from there originally. Oh, okay. So she trained, she moved down, trained as a tattooist, and now she's Oh, how lovely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I want to go there. I wanna know, I wanna know more about the pilgrimage.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'd love to do that. Oh, you you could sleep in the bank like a wasp.

SPEAKER_02

Like like a wasp, yeah. And I'll drive. Okay, I do like asleep. I find driving with you quite stressful. Yeah, you get very angry, you're angry with me as we've established. I'm angry with other drivers.

SPEAKER_01

I was not angry when Lindsay came. No, I was remember we were going down the country roads, and I remember thinking, God, I'd be so panicked driving down these roads because they're really Harriet was just like very much in control, which is the only time I've ever seen her in control of anything in a whole life.

SPEAKER_02

But but quite stressed with other drivers.

SPEAKER_00

Let me tell you, Amy, if it wasn't for people that are fucking awful, then I would be very calm. On the way here, you should have heard me. I just people cannot drive, no one understands that the miracles are.

SPEAKER_02

I've sat her off like a wind-up peg.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, oh my god, I've got to tell you something. Is it about what have you what have you done this week? No, you can't leave us in suspension. No, no, because it do you want me to say what I've done? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, busy week for me, busy, busy, busy week. Went to Alton Towers on Monday with May Gar. Just May. And David. And we went to Sea Babies Land, went on the bluey roller coaster. May hated it. Uh it makes me laugh because we went, she's really excited to go on it. We went round, it's quite fast considering it's for like toddlers. Like it genuinely is like a it's about a white knuckle roll. Well, I'd say I'd say it's about three houses high, the drop. It's briggies, no houses, and uh as it came, like she's really excited, and it we went, wee! And I and I was like, oh my god, that's like a proper gig force, like god. And I looked at May and she'd gone from smiling to like a tomato. She obviously wasn't breathing while we were going down, like she was holding her breath, like and then it came, it goes round for about another minute, and then it got into the station, and she looked like she was like, Oh, but then it goes round again. So she just was like all the things like that we were going to go like and like really angry, but I was absolutely pissing myself because she's like, I wanna get off. I was like, You can't get off. It goes round twice. She's like, I don't like it. Um so that was fun, I enjoyed that. And then Tuesday, I went to my friend's house um in Worcester with Ben, who's a regular contributor to the show.

SPEAKER_00

So he came from Bristol, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

He came from Bristol, went up in Worcester. There's a bit to the bottom of his date story that seemed odd. Oh no, I forgot to ask him. Oh yeah. Ben, tell me the rest of that. I forgot. Uh, and we had a Chinese and watched some stuff, and I was like, this is nice just to hang out, and there's no there's no pressure, and it's just lovely to just be with people that know you from way back when they don't give a shit about anything. That was lovely. And then on Thursday, I went for a curry with the woo my old manager from my last job because she's retiring, and I was like, Oh, there's a 41 people at this curry house for her retirement.

SPEAKER_00

That's lovely. That is really that shows what a wonderful person they are.

SPEAKER_01

I said to myself, I wouldn't have carried on with comedy if you didn't give me the flexibility. Because that's why I got to go to Edinburgh, and it was lovely to see all my old work colleagues and everything. I love that. She must have had faith in you. Yeah, she's so nice. She's just genuinely like, even when she was telling me off, she'd tell me off in a lovely way. So, and she was so pay. Oh, I thought about like she's dead, she's not dead, she just retired.

SPEAKER_00

That's lovely that you yeah, I think it would have taken a special person for you to do that after you've retired.

SPEAKER_01

And she's so nice, and like seeing all the old staff, loves loads of old staff, and then it's really nice. It was just such a lovely team, and part of it was like, Oh, I'd love to come back and work. And I was like, No, Lindsay, you cannot, you do not have the time, and it was really, really lovely. And then what else did I do? Do you keep in touch with them other than that? Yeah, yeah. Occasionally go, like, can I still see like the when I went for my first interview when I first went for the job? The admin manager was uh, she's like one of my best mates. She was uh doing like they do like a practical thing, and as I sat down, I just went, What the fuck do we have to do this kind of kind of shit? And I and I didn't realise I was saying it, and she just was like, Yeah, and I was like, and then she apparently went in and said, We need to hire her, she's gonna fit in really well.

SPEAKER_00

She's a laugh. So she won't even go on the job and you're saying it's a load of shit. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I walk nice bowls. I was well, I just was like, oh could they do stuff like can you type this letter out? Can you put this spreadsheet in order? I'm like, fuck it hell. Like, because some people do apply for jobs, and you're like, they don't actually don't have a fucking job.

SPEAKER_02

I interviewed a woman for a job once. It was to be a support worker. I used to work at a place. And that I said, Oh, can you can you say what one of your like worst qualities is? And she said, Well, people always say that I'm quite lazy.

SPEAKER_00

That's what she said.

SPEAKER_01

You always say you're a perfectionist.

SPEAKER_00

Marvin once went for a job and they said, What was it called when they go, What's your uh what's your weakness? I don't know what you've just said. No men. You know, he said beautiful women and then they were completely stony face. So funny. He is funny. That's so funny. Honestly, that one makes me laugh like him because he's so innocent and he just says the sort of-like David makes me laugh in a way that no one else does.

SPEAKER_01

Like I can't, I can't like just like if I'm saying something and he'll I'll go. I don't, I can't even give an example. Like when he's eating a mozzarella stick. Yeah, or like I'll go, where's the fork? And he'll go, Oh, the fork?

unknown

And I'll go just like that.

SPEAKER_01

Do you know what I mean? But like he doesn't behave like that normally. Or like I got out of the chair the other day and he just made a sound effect. He went, uh, here she goes. I just was like, it's not even funny, but it's just funny how David does it because it's so lovely. And then I did um a comedy thing in Sheffield, and I really wanted to stay. But this is where the this is the thing I wanted to talk to you about is I had to get a cross-country train, right? And I've more a favourite with Avanti. That's what I do. I'm an Avanti person, and Avanti seems Richard. You're a subtle fucking brick in the bollocks. The timer's not working. So we've got Rich to do us a timer, like just go one one, ten minutes, because and he's just kind of come up to the as subtle as a and gone sandpaper rub on the clit and gone. Yeah, sandpaper rub on the that made my bits. That's exactly what it should do. Anyway, so I need that a lot of antidepressants. I was gonna drive to Sheffield. No, honestly, it's terrible, isn't it? You mean the black and decorate? I'll just smash it with a mallet, it doesn't do nothing. Remember when you pummeled your clip with that? Yeah, I had a massage gun and I it genuinely was a massage gun. And I said to David, and I was on the landing, I was like, imagine if I put this on my fanny, and he was like, Oh, go on then. And I just went, and I literally, honestly, I get when blokes are kicked in the balls because I lost sensation in it for about a minute. She sprung back like a cartoon against the wall. It's like I've been power hit by like some kind of thaw's hammer, it was terrible. I was like, Fucking hell. David was laughing. I was like, get it off me! Anyway, I was gonna drive to Sheffield and then I wish I could see that. Also, can I just say it was it was through clothes? Like, it wasn't like a sexy moment, it was like go on to it. Oh no, never again, never again. No way. The massage guns are not for your fanny hole. Not for your fanny, they're not for the hole, they're not for the fanny, they're not they're for your shoulders and your lower back. Everyone knows that. We did it! Uh um Sheffield. Sheffield, sorry. So I looked at the driver, so it's two-hour drive, or I can get the train, it's an hour. And part of me was and part of me was like, I'm just gonna drive. Dave's like, no, no, because what if I need the car? I was like, right, fine. Fucking out. The train was delayed by 30 minutes as it was. I I asked the bloke, I said, what's the unreserved carriage? And he said, Sometimes it's B, sometimes it's H, sometimes it's L. And I was like, what the f fuck is like a riddle, like one of us tells the truth and the other one's a liar. Like, you know, that door, and I was anyway. I managed to somehow get on the train that was the one that was unreserved. Got on that, then the we got halfway to wherever, it's an hour journey. We're already in Adelabo, another 30 minutes for some fucking reason. The woman comes on the doodar and goes, Oh, um, the train driver, we can't go that way because something's happened. So we're gonna drive backwards, but then we're gonna go. And I was like, What the fuck is happening? And everywhere's rammed. The guy who's who's selling food down the end, he's meant to come out of a trolley and he's just come on and went, I'm not coming out. If you want any food, come to me. Uh and I'm like, Where are you? I don't know where you're talking to me from, but I can't get to him. Uh I went to use the toilet. There was a just man sat on the floor in the toilet who didn't need to be sat in the toilet because there were some seats. It was just a lot of overwhelming. Inside the toilet. Yeah, like not on the seat, on the floor. That's insane. Yeah, he had an eyebrow piercing. That's all. I said, oh, sorry. I've had two of them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not sitting on the floor in the toilets. Why is he not even sitting on the toilet with the lid down? To be serious. This was like on the fucking on the plane. There were there were two people that were together going to the toilet with their socks on. Uh it was better with them on than off.

SPEAKER_01

No, never. Soaking, it's just like a toilet soaking up toil anyway. So I'd get you rant with cross country. Was it cross-country? Yeah, that's why I was like fucking out. Like this is a vanty. I I uh fine. Cross country. It's immoral. And the trains were like every hour. So, and also a load of people were staying over, they had hotels, and I got my train and I was like, what the fuck am I doing? And I had to literally go on and then run off. So that was it. And then yesterday I obviously did the gig in the tent, and I was on the early show and you were on the late, and I tried to wait as long as I tried to go early to see you. I know I thought I got to a point where I was like, I might have to go next.

SPEAKER_00

I've we wouldn't have been, and then I thought, well, I'll see you tomorrow anyway.

SPEAKER_01

That's what I was like, what am I waiting for? That's my week. I've had a really good uh good week.

SPEAKER_00

That's annoying though, when you've literally got to because I guess not so much, but I had to do it a bit yesterday where in order to get home at a reason well, semi-reasonable hour, had to like like I wanted to stay and watch Ross Noble and that, but instead I had to just go, you get spend four hours going there and then fucking how long did it take you to get there? Three, three hours. Right. I have no concept of time. What's how long have we gone on?

SPEAKER_01

Longer than 30.

SPEAKER_00

How's any red goose thing?

unknown

No, it's a little bit.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02

Um yeah, we're just gonna go.

SPEAKER_00

Right, bang on. But earlier you went like that for 30.

unknown

26 minutes.

SPEAKER_00

Richard! But you didn't need to do anything, we told you. One, two, three. Don't be brilliant. This doesn't this is what is this?

SPEAKER_01

We're at 30 seconds. 30 minutes? Do we have a listener? We haven't got time. Oh, cool. Alright, we'll do a quick one. We'll do a quick one.

SPEAKER_00

Because it's 26. No, it was twenty. Oh god, I'm confused.

SPEAKER_01

Right, ready for the listener. Someone else can read it if they like. No. Are you ready? Yeah. At my uni, they had a jazz night, and hundreds of people would come and watch, and they were all incredible jazz. And then and they then said, Does anyone want to come up here and sing something with us? Oh, excited. I was absolutely wankered at this point. Oh no. No one else was. So I got up and tried to sing an Amy Winehouse song, and then fell off the stage while singing horrendously because I am tone deaf. And I had about 70 people in the crowd that knew me, for fuck's sake. There you go. That's a nice little um little end there.

SPEAKER_00

I love that.

SPEAKER_01

I'm proud of you, whoever I love it. I've done that myself in situations, um, and I think you go, girl or boy. Yeah, well done.

SPEAKER_00

Well, when I was at when I was at secondary school, they we were in our first music class, they go. Does anyone they would they wanted to establish like who had musical experience? And they they go or hand up. I lied. They go, Of course you did. Why did I do that? They go that and I said, Yeah, I'm really good at playing the drums. And then they went on like fucking animal from Sesame Street. Is it Sesame Muppets? And uh uh and ting and everyone was just like, but the same thing happened when I was like really young. That's uh uh went to ballet class. They said, Have you got any experience? I said, Yeah, yeah, five years. I was only four, and they go, um my mum said she walked from the window, and I was like, Is it the the hippo from Fantasia? Just like leaping around.

SPEAKER_01

But the thing is, if you do it, you do it with confidence, and that's what you should do. Do it with confidence, bye.

SPEAKER_00

Bye. Who's the winner? Oh, you. Yeah, yeah, you even though I went all the way to the Isle of Sky, but you're right, I'm not seeing new people. I'm not seeing new people.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe it's not new people, maybe it's poo people.

SPEAKER_00

But I went to see Rona, the tattooer.

SPEAKER_01

Ronan?

SPEAKER_00

The tattooer.