Social Moths
A comedy podcast about finding reasons to be sociable with mixed results.
Harriet Dyer (Live at The Apollo, Cats does Countdown), Lindsey Santoro (BBC Radio 4, Live at The Apollo) and Amy Mason (BBC Radio 1, Over 20 million views on TikTok)
Social Moths
Getting Quizzical?
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Hello, thanks so much for joining us. You are gonna have a lovely time.
This week’s episode is a bit of a chaotic filler while Harriet heads off to Australia, which quickly turns into us attempting a very official, very serious social skills quiz. It does not go well. Lindsay gets scored, no one agrees with the answers, and we learn absolutely nothing useful.
From there, it spirals into BuzzFeed quizzes, arguments about introversion, and whether any of us are actually capable of normal social interaction. There’s also a surprising amount of discussion about Neighbours, group projects, and why none of us have the patience to finish a quiz properly.
It’s messy, it’s all over the place, and it makes very little sense, but it’s a nice time.
Welcome to Social Moths.
Harriet Dyer
Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph
Amy Mason
Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0
Lindsey Santoro
Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==
Producer - Richard Lannen
@richlannen
Produced by Nozzle Media
Website - https://nozzle.media
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
Hello, thanks so much for joining us today on Social Moths. You are gonna have a lovely time. My name is Amy Mason, and uh I'm here to tell you just before we get started that I am currently on tour around the UK. I'm gonna like 30 cities, towns, and villages all around the UK, probably somewhere near you, and I'd love to see you there. The show's about me uh getting something unexpected in the post and trying to work out where it came from. Um come bring your friends, bring your mum, bring your husband if you must. Anyway, uh let's get started. Welcome to Social Moths.
SPEAKER_00I can't spread my wings because I'm indoors. Social moths.
SPEAKER_03Hello, welcome to uh we're kind of doing like a a a little filler episode because uh Harriet's going to Australia um forever. Mate. Are you coming for mate? Yeah. Are you coming forever? She's really launching neighbours.
SPEAKER_01What do you mean? Am I going forever? How long are you going for? Yeah. Drei Minuten.
SPEAKER_02Oh, three weeks. Yeah. Do you remember in neighbours? I don't know what minutes. Do you remember in neighbours where they'd have like the most random people who were just from another country? Like, they'd have like an English guy in it, and he'd just been someone they'd found off the street. Like, they clearly weren't actors. They had that Northern Irish or Irish guy in it, in Neighbours, do you remember? And I'm sure he was. This might have been a rumour that he was just someone doing the neighbours tour.
SPEAKER_03I have no idea what you're running about. I remember Toadfish and I remember Stingray.
SPEAKER_02But East How would like new characters who were clearly not actors, like they could not act, but they were just like an interesting person, like an Irish person they'd found.
SPEAKER_01Oh no. Do you remember when Harold Bishop got lost at sea for three years?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but then he came back for match and then Stingray sat down and died on a chair.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember that? And Shane had a bee sting on his finger.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that was that's old.
SPEAKER_01I think Harold Bishop survived using his tuba as uh breathing operator.
SPEAKER_03What was the one where Toadfish got married and then he like swung a corner too fast and his wife dismarried, flew out of the car and landed in the sea and disappeared.
SPEAKER_01With on a stingrope.
SPEAKER_02I feel like she came back as well, didn't she? Well, she means Kerry got killed in a dark accident.
SPEAKER_01That there's no rhyme or reason to No.
SPEAKER_02No, none at all.
SPEAKER_01What are we doing today, eh?
SPEAKER_02Well, we're gonna do a little quiz because I thought we're just we're not really getting to the bottom of why we're so bad in the social situations. So we're gonna do a quiz, okay? From psychology just today. So it's not just any old bullshit. Not i not psychology tomorrow. No, or yesterday. It is psychology today, so presumably made by experts in the field. And it is about the quiz is the social skills test.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I love that.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna start with you, Lindsay Santoro. I you're gonna get a score at the end. I maintain comfortable eye contact when speaking with people. No, do I?
SPEAKER_01How are you rating this?
SPEAKER_02It's got a you go from disagree to agree, and there's like multiple. I think Are you gonna ask Harry at the same question? Yeah, but I'm doing you first.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, let's just answer it together and we'll find a medium. Yeah, should we do that?
SPEAKER_01That doesn't make sense, Lindsay.
SPEAKER_02I've got a score, I'll do it quickly then. Right, disagree or agree? Yeah. Okay. I listen intently when in conversation with others. Now she fucked. No. Right, disagree. I can express my thoughts without difficulty. No.
SPEAKER_03Well, I express them, but it's whether other people understand.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's alright.
SPEAKER_01She's honest as John.
SPEAKER_02Honest as the John is long. I can initiate conversations with new acquaintances. Yes. Agree, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You were a new acquaintance. Rich? Richard, how did you feel I did as a new acquaintance when we spoke?
SPEAKER_02Really, really well, yeah. Really well. Really well.
SPEAKER_03Really well.
SPEAKER_02Do you mean the first time we ever spoke on the phone?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well. I forgot you spoke on the phone.
SPEAKER_03We did, and we talked about VAT. Saucy.
unknownSaucy.
SPEAKER_02Why did you talk about VAT?
SPEAKER_01Never you mind.
SPEAKER_02Never you mind, do the quiz. I pick up details about a person through their body language.
SPEAKER_03Well, your body language is telling me, Harriet, that you're a cheeky monkey. And your body language I miss mate. I've had enough.
SPEAKER_02I'll make an effort to make new friends. I know she doesn't. She doesn't like anyone. I rarely monopolise conversations. Oh fuck, I disagree. I'm just gonna do it. I tune out feedback that I don't want to hear. Yeah. I try and listen to critical feedback. No. I'm genuinely interested in other people's lives. No. Absolutely not. I apologize with ease when I make a mistake. No. No.
SPEAKER_03I don't make mistakes.
SPEAKER_02I know when a person is anxious.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Because everyone is. You no, you're alright. Amy is uh No, I'm getting bored now.
SPEAKER_02Oh, there's not that man, there aren't that many left. Right. People say that I'm inappropriate in social situations. Agree the most.
SPEAKER_03I just slap my fanny on the table.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I have empathy for others.
SPEAKER_03I do when they're ill.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's nice. I don't when they're ill. I do about emotional stuff. When people are ill, I think I'll get a grip. I have empathy for others. Agree. I try to call out bullies. Yeah, I do that. I won't have that. I praise the efforts of others.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I do that, don't I? Well done, Harriet. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02I can adapt my style of communication to connect with a conversation partner. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_02You're just you or whatever. Join in or find out. I am uncomfortable in so social situations.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, mm, depends what day of the week it is. Am I on my period?
SPEAKER_02Then no. Score test. Oh, come on then. You're 38 out of 100. You're in the middle.
SPEAKER_03What does that mean? What do I do?
SPEAKER_02I don't really know. Score indicates you have neither poor nor good social skills.
SPEAKER_03I think I'm not going to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_02You may want to boost your empathy, better regulate your emotions, and learn to resolve conflict more diplomatically. I can't be bothered to speak.
SPEAKER_03When you two were having an argument about the woman that fell in the road, I thought what I should have done was interject then and said, guys, you're both right. But I didn't because I thought this is funny. So I just let it roll.
SPEAKER_01So we were both right? Well yeah. I was right. Here we go.
unknownAh!
SPEAKER_01I was right. You definitely weren't, Amy. So I wasn't dead. Google another quiz. Basically, with Lindsay though, is if she cares or can be arsed with you, then she's wonderfully social, I think. But if you're just a waste of space, then she isn't. I haven't got time for fucking idiots. Ain't nobody got time for that.
SPEAKER_02Ain't nobody got time. Don't come, don't. Don't. I'm not. I don't know if you've got time for me, Lindsay, do you? Nah. I didn't think so. Right, buzzfeed. I do, of course I do. BuzzFeed. I tell you I don't have time for Lindsay. This is a different quiz. Rich. You do. I don't have time for you. You went way too deep into it. That sounded like you do. Don't tell David. Right. BuzzFeed. I'm doing a BuzzFeed one on you. Where can you be found at a party? Well, in the kitchen.
SPEAKER_00How did you know?
SPEAKER_02Because that's where you were. You will always find her in the kitchen. No, it hasn't got that as an option. It's got catching up with a friend in the corner of the room, showing everyone a funny meme, twerking. Yeah, twerking. No, definitely not twerking. Lol, what party I'm at home sucker. I'm gonna say meme.
SPEAKER_01I think No, no, that's wrong. That's wrong. That's not right. You can't ask me a question and then do the only one that isn't true.
SPEAKER_02The great thing about you, Harry, is you get so every moment you are so in the moment and engaged. You behave like every single thing. I think you'd be talking catching up with a friend in the corner of the kitchen or not there.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Literally everyone other than the one she's decided I should be.
SPEAKER_02Oh god. You have some not working. You have some travel coming up. What's the extent of your planning? I have every single day planned out. I have a rough itinerary mapped out. I'm probably not going to think about it until a few days before. I like to live in the moment and rarely plan out my vac vacations.
SPEAKER_01I'm probably not going to think about it until a few days before. That's how it is. Excuse me, Lindsay. Let me answer. Excuse me, I know you better than I know your own legs. You know me better than I know you. I know you better than a packet of crisps.
SPEAKER_02Your friends are hanging out, but you've decided to stay in. You see them having a good time on social media. How do you feel? Incredibly content with my decision to stay in. I bet they all wish they stayed in too. Wondering if it's too late to stop by. Feeling all kinds of FOMO, kind of annoyed, but not enough to want to do anything about it.
SPEAKER_01They're all dead to me and I've unfollowed them, so we'll see.
SPEAKER_03Is that an option?
SPEAKER_02I'm saying feeling all kinds of FOMO.
SPEAKER_03It's the closest one.
SPEAKER_02If you had a choice to work in a team on a group project, you would, I wouldn't want to do that. Be eager to start nothing like collaborative work to get my brain going. Make sure that each person's delegated an equal amount of work. Do the whole thing myself unless the rest of the group off the hook be pretty chill about it as long as no one on the team would be.
SPEAKER_01I would refuse to work with them.
SPEAKER_02It's not enough shit. I would not do any of it, and then at the end I would make them pretend that I had. So I'd just take over.
SPEAKER_01When I was at uni and we were told to get into groups, I would then go to the teacher and go, come along now. Can I just come along by myself? I've always been like that. Oh my god, there was this one girl. We did um dance like what's it called? Interpretive dance. Yeah. And then there was this girl. There was an email about this, even though it seems like common sense. Next time we do interpretive dance, can everyone call their toenails? Because she fucking slides someone's legal with her fucking parabom falcon.
SPEAKER_03It's that gross. That's incredible. How can you live? Like, do you know, like you'll hear her coming because she's like across the floor? Sharon's on the way up the stairs on the lamin on the laminar.
SPEAKER_01Sharon! What did you say the other day, Marigold? Sharon.
SPEAKER_03What's the answer to the question? We need to get to the end and find out.
SPEAKER_02Oh, do you hold them myself? Left the rest of the thing off the hood. Just press one and go. How many nights a week would you ideally want to have plans? Zero, one, two, three, or more.
SPEAKER_01I'm always working.
SPEAKER_02That's not an option.
SPEAKER_01One of my life is an option.
SPEAKER_02My life is not an option. Think about your four closest friends. How many of them are extroverts? All of them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Everyone. What does that mean? Well, they're all comedians. Like attached to the case.
SPEAKER_02Like a friend of yours is taking a selfie. Where are you in the picture?
SPEAKER_01Uh upside down?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like a bat.
SPEAKER_02Off to the side, hoping no one asked me no. A friend making sure uh photo bombing them in the back.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Who is your closest friend, Donkey Lady? A person I've known for years. I prefer to have many different friends. I have a handful of people I consider my best friends. I don't know if I have one most people don't get me.
SPEAKER_01I have a handful of close friends. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02How do you feel about it? Oh, it's too many. This goes on and on. Oh no, it doesn't, it's nearly finished. It's so boring. Right. How do you feel about first dates?
SPEAKER_03Yes. No.
SPEAKER_01You have to date someone.
SPEAKER_02I would rather die alone.
SPEAKER_01No, no, because I'm in a long-term relationship only. Well, yeah, but that's not an option.
SPEAKER_02Okay, pretend you're not in a relationship. I restrict them to about one every few months because of how exhausting they are. Depends on the person.
SPEAKER_01Generally, don't hate them and you can't ask me to pretend I'm something different.
SPEAKER_02But this is a quiz. It's only got a few options. I love meeting new people, especially on first dates. No. Are you laughing at me in my hands?
SPEAKER_03Um what? Was my doing something funny with my hands? No, I was doing this and then I was imagining my handful of friends. I love meeting new people, especially on first dates.
SPEAKER_02No. Okay, I'm just putting, I would honestly rather die alone. I'm gonna come- Finally! Finally! How would you define your personal space? If you don't know me, do not come within three metres of me, at least as far as my arm reaches, like a foot. As long as you're not touching me, you can come as close to me as you want.
SPEAKER_01No, if you don't know me, don't come within three miles. Um what are you doing?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna You're a 75 to 100% social introvert.
SPEAKER_01But that's weird.
SPEAKER_02She's not a social introvert. No. We're weird, aren't we, comedians? Because we're like a combination.
SPEAKER_03Because it's on our terms. We should I'm going to do a relationship quiz to see how in love we are. With each other. Is that relationship a healthy one? I'm not in one, so don't worry about it. With each other.
SPEAKER_01Maybe we wouldn't make you feel a love by asking you.
SPEAKER_03Love is about respect. Let's start with that. So do we go da da da? Uh well, just ask the Do you think that um that your partners, all of us, are are supportive of what they you do?
SPEAKER_01Each other. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Do we all support each other in what we do? Yes.
SPEAKER_02Do we she doesn't support me if I want to save somebody's life?
SPEAKER_01When the life is already wrapped in a blanket and saved.
SPEAKER_03Does your partner listen to you? No. No. Your partner understands that you have your own life too.
SPEAKER_01No. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We're all out living our lives now.
SPEAKER_03Your partner is well liked by your other friends. No. Yes, actually. Oh no.
SPEAKER_01Wait a minute, what are you talking about? We are all liked with our Is that your way of saying that all your friends hate us?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, they don't know you, do they? Well, we came to your party. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they loved you. Exactly. You change those answers.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Your partner says you're too involved in different activities. Would you say that we're all involved in different activities?
SPEAKER_01No, no, we're too uninvolved. Oh, I'm not involved in any. How many of these are left? Drink from my moulding.
SPEAKER_03Your partner thinks you spend too much time trying to look nice. No. You don't think I spend too much time trying to look at nice nice?
SPEAKER_02Oh no, not too much time.
SPEAKER_03No. I give up on this quiz. I'd give up. But I want some more like some uh questions that we can uh oh what kind of relationship do you have? A controlling one. Oh gosh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but we're not in a relationship with each other.
SPEAKER_03How much do you and your significant other talk? So how much do we talk to each other?
SPEAKER_01In life without this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. We talk six hours or less a week, we just cuddle.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03We just cuddle. How far away does your partners live? Pretty far?
SPEAKER_01What would you do if when we traveled together I just put the seats down and stopped speaking?
SPEAKER_03Shall we have a cuddle? I don't think we've ever had a cuddle. Should we have one now? No. Please. No.
SPEAKER_02I love cuddling. I mean I had this therapist who was like, but who do you hug? I was like, she told me I needed to get a weighted blanket. Do you not hug people? Are you not a hugger? Well, I haven't I'm not in a relationship. I hug my kids. I hug everything. I hug you.
SPEAKER_01You hug, you hug like um. Like you don't want to touch people. Do I? Yeah, you hug. Is a few notice.
SPEAKER_03It's very much like.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you're gone.
SPEAKER_01You tap.
SPEAKER_02I always think other people don't want me to hug them. I like hugging.
SPEAKER_01If I'm going to hug you, I want to hug you.
SPEAKER_02I always think I think it's ever since COVID. I'm always like a bit like, oh, do people want to hug or not? When we finish this, shall we all just have a big coddle in the middle of the round and shag each other?
SPEAKER_01And give a little pat on the bottom.
SPEAKER_03I did wonder what you would do with your finger then in that motion of a where a vagina might be. No, I don't want to have sex with either of you. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01No, Amy, why would you bring it down like that?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, maybe this is what we're.
SPEAKER_01We said we wanted to hug and now you want to get involved. You said, oh, straight to Fanny.
SPEAKER_02Oh Anus.
SPEAKER_01Why should you snap that dildo in half? For both of us.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Share one each. One each. You can have them on a little string round your neck, one half each. Like, you know, those rubber friends' necklaces that fit together.
unknownThat would be nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Can we do that? Can we get like um Captain Planet rings but with like dildos on bottom of it? Big dildo rings.
SPEAKER_02I think so. Somebody found my I wrote a book years ago, and somebody found a copy. Um, somebody came and saw my show, and then they were like, I wanted I Googled you and I saw that you wrote a book, and they wanted to buy it, and they could only get it on Amazon because it's out of print. And they got a copy on Amazon, bought it. There's somebody I didn't know, like just an audience member, and then they sent me an Instagram message because the copy they'd ordered on Amazon was signed by me and just had a drawing of a giant spluffing cook. And I'd just drawn a massive dick jizzing in it and written to because it was to somebody. I signed it with a massive jizzing cock in it. And then I put that on Instagram because they sent me the photo of it. Loads of other people sent me photos that I'd signed with a cook in it, a cock and balls.
SPEAKER_00And did you remember?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I do remember that it was like a thing that I did.
SPEAKER_03Like I just kept putting thought it was funny to sign it with a massive cock and jizzing cock and balls. I was thinking about you the other day. Uh Harriet Dyer, and your audio your book, you should do an audio version of it. Yeah, you should. Because you can do a bridged you can add bits and it would be I'd I would listen to it.
SPEAKER_01I feel like I did on Patreon at one point. Yeah, you did, I think. And then I deactivated the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will. It's long ting though, isn't it? Long ting? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's a long ting though. It's long. Yeah, but it's your life. My life is long. Yeah. May it stay that way. Long life, long legs, long lady for me. So what we've learned is that I'm an introvert, but I'm not in the middle.
SPEAKER_01You're um We don't have the patience for any quiz.
SPEAKER_03We can't, we don't have the patience for a quiz. We're not very good. Um, and we're all going to have sex after this.
SPEAKER_01No, Amy, that's very worrying. That reminds me of like when I would be on night out.
SPEAKER_03Doesn't worry me.
SPEAKER_01When I was on a night out and people were bothering me, I'd just get off of them, even though I didn't want to get off of them. I would just get off of them so that then there would be an end. Oh. And I feel like that's what you did then. Oh, well, she just got off with it. No, I feel like because we went uh Amy would love to hug you more, and then she just went straight to sex.
SPEAKER_03Well, she went to anal. It's been a while, I've forgotten how it all goes. In order.
SPEAKER_01It's all a jump. Amy goes to baseball.
SPEAKER_03Hugging, shagging, what? It's in between. I was thinking about the other day, which isn't related at all, but it's just popped back into my head. Like, did you have the lady, the period lady, come to the school and talk to you about periods?
SPEAKER_01No, we had a lady with an orthopaedic shoe that had racing pigeons.
SPEAKER_03But did she talk to you about periods? No, the pigeons released them. The orthopedic shoes? No, periods. Oh. We had a lady talk to us about periods.
SPEAKER_01With sanitary dolls.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, taught taught us like how to put them in, like and did like a That would be useful. I mean trying to do it. But she'd scared me to death because I thought that I'd get toxic shock from everything.
SPEAKER_02Oh, they used to go on and on about that, didn't they?
SPEAKER_03It's a time mile on my tampons had been in. I'd sort of time her and got to eight hours, and if it was eight hours, I'd wake myself up in the night to change my time.
SPEAKER_01Because I thought I was gonna die. Well, when I look worked in a green grocer's, there was a lady that had left one upper for six weeks and she was fine.
SPEAKER_03My mum my fri my mum's friend did that. And the only the only reason she knew about it is because the kid said she smelled of old addict, and she went Yeah, she'd left it up for about two months. Why would other people tell you that you smell of old attic?
SPEAKER_01It was a kids, the kids wouldn't stink, Mamma Bald Fanny. Why would she not get dressed in the morning and think, hang on a minute, I've left a time. Oh, it's Cornwall, you'd be changing the oranges and she'd she needs to be there. Yeah, you'd never gotta sword. I've had a time on that we will trust fan. You smell of old addict.
SPEAKER_03I did. Right, Pong. Shall we uh shall we leave it there?
SPEAKER_01Love from Australia.
SPEAKER_03Love from Australia. And life from our and uh have a lovely time and we'll catch up when you get back. Because this is the future. Yeah, the path of when they're listening to this, you might already be back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because my friend the donkey lady, she has her family live in Australia, so they celebrate New Year 11 hours before her. So they're in the the next year before her. So I'll be in the future. I'll be coming to see you when I'm over there.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Don't worry about it. Right, come on, let's all have a cuddle.
SPEAKER_01Hey, wait a minute, what are your intentions? I return right.
SPEAKER_03Come on, have a big love. Big love. Stop trying to finger me. Who's trying to finger me now?
SPEAKER_01Oh, that was a lovely hunt! No, I like it.
SPEAKER_00My dad does