David's Scientist People

In this episode, the chaos returns as the trio catch up after a break, sharing stories from travels, awkward flights, and unexpected adventures.

From long-haul flight struggles and comedy festivals in Australia to bizarre travel encounters and cultural mishaps, the conversation quickly spirals into hilarious tangents. There’s also plenty of classic banter, including debates about food (yes, corn makes a return), strange gym habits, and some truly questionable life stories.

Expect unfiltered chat, ridiculous moments, and the kind of conversations that go completely off track - in the best way.

Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph

Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0

Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==

Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

The song. It's in the charts.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

I can't expect you to be so current. Excuse me. I listened to K Pop Demon on us. That is a tune, isn't it? I was alone. I was a ghost.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Ha! Double chin. Ha. I don't know if that is what I thought it was. That's the one.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

My mum. My mum. My daughter saw her walk past her teacher's office.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Saw who?

SPEAKER_01 0:26

My daughter and her friend were going past her teacher's office, and her teacher was marking um stuff. And they and he was he was singing that. You know, he was singing that to himself, and they have not got over it. They made a comic about it because they thought it was so funny.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

That's so funny. That's so cute that they made a comic. Usually they would film it, but they don't even have phones, do they? They made a comic.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

They make a lot of comics. She's made a comic about capabaras going to a water park.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Do you know when they start doing like fan fiction romance? Erotic. Erotic fan fiction. I wonder if anyone will write erotic fan fiction about us. That'd be nice. I already have. You have. Yeah, yeah. You were trying to suck off Herod in the last one or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yeah, you were trying to double-end us with your broken, with your dildo shot.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

One of them got broken in leads, yeah. Mucky bastard.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

I can't spread my wings because I'm indoors. Social mods. My name is uh Ivan the Terrible Goat. Oh, bite you, you dirty boy. Join joined with Madame Crow. No, that was not you.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

And Madame's Crow's Crow. My name's Amy Mason. I am Madame Crow's Crow.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

I love this Amy because you're already mad. But you are silly. You are, but I think she needs to, she needs to someone needs to maintain. Someone needs to maintain some order and decorum. That is what I've noticed. Sometimes it's me and it's like a seesaw, and sometimes it's me and Amy goes on. And it's never you. And it's never you. Serious. You're never no, you don't maintain any form of order.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

I'm happy with that.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah, well. They're quite alarming sometimes the way you move your arms.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

It's like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Yeah, because well, don't get too comfortable with me because I could garrot.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

This is not a lot. You're always on edge, you never know when she's gonna What are them things you like? Them them with the neck.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

The Dilophosaurus. Yeah, yeah. That's you, that is. Do you know it's not? It wasn't even real, it was a made-up for Jurassic Park dinosaur.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Yeah, I don't know that. No one tells you.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Found out recently.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Well, we've had a bit of a break for the last three weeks, haven't we? Because um old Fanny Ann, the crow has been off to where have you been, Amsterdam?

SPEAKER_02 3:03

I flew to Australia via my wings.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Was it a nice time? Do you have a nice time?

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Uh well I d I had a difficult time on the because I've never been on a long flight before, and I can only sleep when I'm flat like bacon. I think that's a fair and the comment. So I uh found it really difficult.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

It's like the opposite of me flight jagger.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

You know I sleep. And then the bit is when the oil comes and you go sizzle. What are you Are there any other meats you would feel like you could sleep with?

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Uh not like prawn. No. Because the people do sleep, because even sleeps like a prawn.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

People do cold up like little. I sleep like a rolled up piece of ham.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Oh, like a spring roll. Oh. Who was I talking to yesterday that said their their their foreskin, their their penis skin is translu translucent like an uncooked spring roll.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

I wouldn't know who that was. How do you why would I know who that was?

SPEAKER_02 4:12

But I do like that. Because you're usually with me on all my endeavours. Yeah. Uh was it Amy Mason? Yes. So but even if you spent six grand. If you spent why do you have cough like you've got the plague? The in it in do you know, even if you spent six grand on an individual. Can you hear her thoughts? I'm thinking what's that one? Zack your mother in hell.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Sells cakes in hell.

unknown 4:48

Cakes in half.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Rich, try and listen to my brain. I'm sending you a message. I'm sending you one word. It's a real simple word.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

I know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Oh what it was ham. I thought it was ham.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

I was actually trying to do it.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I can do another one. Let's do another one. Uh it's it's a single word.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

I'm sending you one too at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Don't do that because you're messing with the aura. God, I'm s I'm sending you one, Amy. What is it?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Cheese.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

It genuinely was cheese! No! Cheese! It genuinely was cheese? It genuinely was cheese. What? Well done. Yeah. For those on the audio medium, I put the microphone on my forehead and has been sending telepathic messages to Amy Mason. The word cheese. Genuinely was cheese. Well, we hadn't even been talking about cheese. No, but we had been talking about prawns and bacon. There you go. That's weird. Yeah. Sailor V. Sailor V. Sailor V. That's life. That's life.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Sorry. What are we doing? Oh, so do you know that even if you spend six grand on an individual seat on an aeroplane, you still won't be flat like bacon.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

You can get business class, can't you, in there? Beds? It's not flat like bacon. I saw a man on TikTok and he is in an actual bed. They come and make your bed.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Well, not the ones I was on, because I paid extra for not six grand for the pream, what's it called? Economy Plus. But what you get? Economy bagger shite is a big thing. What you get extra for the plus? I don't even I couldn't even tell you what was extra, and I almost went fucking Liam Neeson in there. I was so fucking what people can imagine how angry I was.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

People don't know about Harriet.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

There's a whole other side to her. Like Harriet, when she's wronged, it's it's terrifying. I have to Do you know when you say like if there's a gorilla and it's coming at you, you just have to stay still like a bear. You have to when Harriet's going, you just have to not move and let it let it let it come out. Let her change.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

I know that I could annoy her that much. I've really been on the verge as well. I think you've had it. But I don't like the little things. They seem little to me, but to her.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

It's what you said earlier before we interrupted you in the last episode that it's I'm in the mo I'm so in the moment that I sometimes can't see f without for through the moment. You can't see and you can't.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

They're like me having the buttons on on my phone was like you wanted to push me out the window.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

That would drive me mad. The buttons.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

You know, then the sound button was on my phone.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Oh no, it was what, when you were in the car when the lady fell over. Yeah. Are we bringing this up again? It was fucking three months ago. That should have been put out as a clip, but you were for both a pair of fucking lazy wenches while I was away, and it all went to shit, and you had just one thing to do and you let me down.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

So we have therapy about No, I don't need therapy.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Stop trying to therapise us.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

I just need a wank and a cup of tea. This is how I am. And not from you. Don't try and bring your dildo shards into it.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

No, I meant shall we and I have therapy to get through what you're talking about. Just don't.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Just if someone's already fallen over and people are around. Oh, I don't want to talk about this fucking woman again that fell over.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

If you are listening and you are that woman.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

It was a sensory overload, I find it's if it's weird because I am harder hearing, but also my sensor eyes are often up. What? Like, I just get oversensorised.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

I know what you mean. I do as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

So if you are you're on a flight, you've played for Economy Plus, what you don't know what the plus is.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Fucking bastard in front of me. There we go. Is then putting your spaces, your space is my space is my space. Who said that? Tom, you put him in my space. Anyway, so this guy put, he had his in front space, he's then put his belongings behind him into my footwell. Kick it out. I fucking did. And then he's then so then he's I've gone, excuse me, and it was like just a massive flask. I've booted his flask. And then he's gone, and then he's just put it back in a little bit. How long's the flight? Oh, how long's the flask? Lindsay. Two 15-hour flights because I was going via America.

unknown 9:00

Because of the war.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Okay. Yeah. So it was so long. So you kicked his flask? I kicked his fucking flask. He then put his flask back where he'd put it, so I fucking slapped him on the shoulder. I fucking did. You know I did. I did. I fucking reached reach round fucking economy plus. Fucking whacked him round and says, excuse me, is this yours? Knowing it was his. And he goes, Oh, did it roll over? And he fucking put it back there. And then I fucking picked it up and I find, excuse me, it's not rolling in it. It's just put it in your space. And then and his tongue was too big for his mouth. And then he's then so you I would alipered him. Then he's he keeps pressing the button and put launching his seat back. If you're launching it back nine times and it's not going any further, it's not doing it, is it? And then what had happened? So I I can't sleep unless I'm flat like bacon. So I watched, I thought, I'll find something that's 15 episodes, and then I'll watch that. Let me tell you. I'll watch The Pits, which is too dude. It's too dramatic. You can only watch about three episodes. You have to have a proof. I want to watch that. Lindsay, I watched 15. By the end of it, if there wasn't. You'd have felt like you did the whole shift with them. Exactly. If there was an accident and they said, Is there a doctor?

SPEAKER_00 10:27

If you're not familiar with like it's it's basically each episode is an hour in the hotel. So they're and they're about hospital. A hotel for L people. A lifetime of it's just the whole show is me and the one you haven't even been just me in the front. And the bell boy going up and down in the lift for 50 hours. It's because of London. I stayed in one of those hub hotels. You know, you can't get the aircon lower than 19. You love a hub. I do, but they can't, but they won't let me. Oh, the aircraft don't even get me started on that. And the aircon was blowing the other way. I said, I said, I'm I I said, I'm not. Anyway, yeah. But each episode is an act is like part of that shift. And um, it's very good.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Yeah, but then there I was like stat with my neck pillow. He's tacky, he's tacky, sticking a tracheotomy. It's really good.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah, yeah. If you like uh blood and oh I'll watch that.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Yeah, but not not all in one go. No, have a break. I was fucking twitching by the end of it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So so that was stressful. And uh, but I think it's better to fly by yourself than with someone because you don't have to like worry about anyone else. I've really felt for the people.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

And the playing with you, looking out the window. Oh, sorry, there's a woman down there.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

I'm just gonna flush myself out the toilet because I'm gonna hell.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

No, I wouldn't. I I yeah, I think I would like to prefer to be by myself on the because then the second 15-hour flight, I uh had three seats to myself. Oh wow, so I was flat like bacon. I put all the cushions down, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was brilliant. I watched um Wallace and Gromit Attack of the Ware Rabbit and went to sleep. No, it's the screens, it was on that. And I watched Weapons, the film. Have you seen that? No. The hand not the handmaid, what's it called? Hand with Amanda Seafried and Sydney Sweden.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Or the handmaid or something. Uh yeah, housemaids. Housemaid.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

That was good. Oh yeah. You know, like that. Yeah, so that was quite fun. Then I went to Australia and then it was because I thought it would be so sunny. It was not sunny, it was like fucking Manchester.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

That's a shame.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Yeah, Melbourne's just not such it's like a muggy city with skyscrapers. And you would have been very proud of me. I I became really good friends with this comedian called James Barr, yeah, lovely guy, and uh, because we're both represented by the same people, so we were in the same hotel, and just instantly we just got on so well. And he was just like, you know, when people just like just sort of very supportive, just really, really supportive, really lovely, really good chats. So me and him got on great. Um, and then Beth from Gag Reflex was also there uh to begin with. Um, and then she had a friend she brought her friend was also lovely, everyone was just lovely, and then and I was I wanted the moment I arrived because I didn't sleep, so I wanted to just like go to sleep, but I went uh Beth was like, Do you want to come to the gala? I said just No, I did because I thought of being sociable. I thought I would make the most of this. I mean, it did dwindle that mentality, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

You we like that when we were in Edinburgh and we went to that place where they had three chips and it was like a a comedy and it was like a holy love and we just we just we went but then went and played games on our own.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Axe for I asked you when we were in Edinburgh, I think it was the year after, I said, Do you want to go to this party? And you said something like you'd rather throw yourself out the window. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Yeah, I go through, but I think now that we do this, I would it it's I've that's like when we were being in a medical trial.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Me and Harriet stayed in this place, and we played uh this is when I didn't really know Harriet. Oh, we can't really it wasn't really, but me and Harriet we didn't really know each other, and we both stayed in um this university halls outside Edinburgh.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Oh, is this the one you stay in all the time? I used to muscle broke.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

It was like really far out in this like middle of nowhere, and uh it's alright to get into town because there's a train station, but we were both staying in these tiny single rooms, and our whole lives were in these tiny single rooms, and it felt like we were on a medical trial.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

And I was gonna end up with a massive ear on my back.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Like a rat. Okay. So yeah, so I went to this garland, that was great because you know I love manifesting, so I was manifesting that I will do that next year. I want to be because it's on the ABC channel, and it was like Lou Wool, who I love, and Ian Smith, he was there. Oh yeah. Oh, we had this funny bit. You have to watch it. This for him.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I'm gonna try and do Melbourne next year. I really want to do it. It's a because I did it. Fortune Teller told me my destiny lay in Australia.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Oh, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I know, and I've I've always had it in my mind that I need to do it.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

Oh my god, do it, do it. And then I think I'd probably try and do the other ones, and I'd probably try and take Marvin. And I think the the good thing is like because there's nothing like that over here where you can just work on your show every day. Yeah. So even though it's a very far way to go and it's very expensive, I do think it's worth doing because I'm gonna do a work in progress next year. So the idea is that it'll be good enough for Edinburgh by the end. That's good. Yeah, and um, and I'd like to go to other places. I think if Marvin was with me, I'd go do stuff, but then because he wasn't with me, I did genuinely because this is my tour show and I've still I've worked on it so so it's now all all already. Is it all ready to go? Well, it's different to the tour show. So even if you came and watched the tour, it's now a pretty much a different show.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

I might um take my children next year because it's the Easter holidays.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Fucking do it. Yeah, but it's very expensive and flying is a nightmare.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Oh, that's true. Okay, maybe not then.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

But yeah, so so went to the garlet and then I did loads of spots, did loads of sort of met loads of people. Yeah, just had a go. Oh, do you know why who is just wonderful? Uh do you know Thor? Who? Thor. He's called Thor. He's in Thorstein. Yes. Oh yeah. He's from Hello?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Why is he from Norway?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Oh, he's got all the Norway. Yeah. And he so he's just great. Um, so I was hanging out with him. Um, and yeah, so it was tough at times, especially towards the end. How long were you there for three weeks? We were gonna go for longer, weren't you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

You came back a little bit sooner.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Because I I was supposed to go for three weeks, I went for two, because I was gonna go travelling, but the people I was gonna go travelling with, they weren't. Oh. And I thought realistically, I don't want to go on my own. Yeah, and I I know, but like, and I am a very strong independent woman, but I know I would just get to a hotel in and then I would stay in the hotel, and then I would be in the end of the world.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

I've been travelling on my own and it felt insane.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

I went to Japan on my own. How was that? Well, it was before you could get like the internet on your phone, really, like when you're abroad. So I only had like we talked about this, a lonely planet guy, because you basically didn't know what that was. And like, so I was trying to get around Japan, and obviously this stuff is written in Japanese, so I couldn't even like so I couldn't, it was so difficult to get around, and it's just really different culture. People were really polite, but it felt very like different, and also which I didn't expect, men were very drawn to my bosoms, yeah, and like I think because not many people there have big tits, so men would literally just stare at my tits.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

I am staring at your tits now, and I do like that you've got a t shirt.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

I love the t-shirt, a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

But my but I think the way to do it, because Phoebe, the works at the gaff was saying this that they and my brother did it when he went to Japan is he did it uh uh you go with a group and then you go do stuff.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Oh, we didn't do that, me and Jay. I wouldn't well no, because you've got David.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Yeah, he does do everything. If you're a solo traveller, I think that's good, but I wouldn't like that. I'd be like, who are you to tell me about this?

SPEAKER_01 18:32

I did I didn't know what to do, so I went to like I went to Hiroshima, Hiroshima, where obviously thousands and thousands of people die, but I was on my own. So what do you do? So I just went, looked at the memorial, cried and got a subway.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Oh sorry. But this is the thing as well, you end up getting subways and things that you know, and then you feel like a pathetic British person.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

But I'm vegetarian, so it's actually really difficult to eat vegetarian food.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Yeah, because they had a shortage, didn't they?

SPEAKER_01 18:57

And it was a lot of just fish everywhere. And I had really I'd been in China before and still had a really bad like stomach thing. So I just kept eating stupid shit.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Well, my friend went to China, said that she didn't eat, she got given a dish that was meat, she said she didn't eat meat. They sent her another dish that was the in uh intestines of a fish.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

How do you know it's do fish have intestines? Well, they do, they do because this story is saying that. Yeah, but I would think you would cut a fish out and then like it would kind of just be wet, like the outside of a fish. What? That is I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

And how is it digesting in the little long bottom?

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I don't know, like you can fill it a chicken with a fish. I just think they just cut a giblet like a middle giblet. It's not a middle giblet of a fish. What are you okay? Do fish have intact? I've told you a story. I'm not a liar. When I went to Japan, you could get a um you could hire a Wi-Fi box, a portbulton, and you just carry it around with you and it's Wi-Fi.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Oh well, I should have done that, but I don't think I knew.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

But no, I think it was in the I was all discombobulated with the food. I thought I bought noodles, realised it was tripe. And then I had to go back and go, I'm never so sorry, this is tripe in a shop in uh Melbourne, and then the lady was like, We know it's tripe, and I said, Well, I didn't know it was bloody tripe. And then people are like, How did you not know? But because it doesn't actually look similar, but this did. So believe me, thank you. What have you done, Amy?

SPEAKER_01 20:28

I think your inside is all needles.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Um I don't mind that.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

Yeah. What have I done? I've been doing a load of tour shows, I've been travelling around, staying in a lot of travel lodges, yeah. In between hotels. So I you have to check out at one point from a hotel, and then the other hotels not till like three. So in that gap, I made it a mission to uh go to local charity shops. So I'd look I'd look up where the local where a good well-rated local charity shop was, and I would drive there. Yeah, and then I would go and I'd go and look at loads sometimes. It was really quite good fun.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

That's so good. Because I just pay the £10 to check in early. Oh, I didn't even know you could do that.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I know, I had quite a nice time to be honest. Went to the cinema.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

Oh, what did you see?

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Um, that film, the drama.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Oh, with Zendaya and Vampire Matt.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Weird film. I I didn't know what it was about at all. Like nothing about it. That's good. And I thought I'm just gonna go because it was on at the right time. And uh had quite a nice time, but it's not what I expected, and it's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Um because I've been watching the latest um euphoria with her in.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Oh well, I've I watched that second episode last night, I think. It's fucking off its tits, isn't it? There's literal tits in it.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

The first series was good, and then I thought the second season was rubbish.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Yeah, they this annoys me in life. They even did this in Ted Lasso, which I watched on my journey on the way back. Yeah um, is where they just have a random episode that's not related to and you've you've already done that.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

I can't stand that when they do like a special episode of a musical or something. Yeah, we're not here for the music. Yeah. Or they f like, is it the that said last one where they follow the fans? And I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

And the guy and the coach. And then and then these there on drugs going on. We don't care. Put your hat on and go home.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Put your fucking hat on and leave my establishment. Ay ai. Oh, it's been half term. Well, no, is it half-term or is it schoolology?

SPEAKER_02 22:22

It's I forgot the half-term has been forever, so I can't imagine what it's like for you two with actual children.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

I've absolutely loved it. I I made an a conscious effort to like can't like not have any gigs.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

That's so good, Louis.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

So he he loves this band called We Are Scientists. Have I told you this story? Do you know them? I know who they are, but um and they announced they were doing a uh some shows, and one of the shows was in Dublin. So he was like, Oh, I really want to go. And I was like, just go, David. Like I piss off all the time. You you're allowed to piss off. Um and he took he's gonna take his friend Andy, which he did. And um I and I said, Are you sure that's the only one they're doing round here? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he booked his flights, he booked his hotel, he was going for two nights, so he was away for three days. Uh, and then they fucking uh booked a show in Bristol, and I was like, You fucking anyway. So he left. I was I was on my own with a child for three days. We had a really nice time. We've met up with friends. It was my nephew's birthday, we went to All Things Wild, which is like an animal. We did loads of stuff. That's nice. I rode a bike, I rented a bike with a carriage on the back and dragged my daughter around here.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

The um what did you just say? I don't know. The this is what happened when my mum died. We went to the uh funeral home and it was shut. And then because everyone that worked there went to Budapest to see Michael Bublé, but they there was a Plymouth date. A Plymouth date! And they're all gone to fucking Budapest.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

I think Michael Bublet is Imagine if you were Michael Buble and just see all these undertakers.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

But I feel like Michael Booblay.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Yeah, and a horse. And the poor people behind him, excuse me, can you take your top out? I can't see, but they're carrying their pin.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

He's gonna try just wait for booblay. Booblay will come to you. David Scientist people. David Scientist That's the name of the episode, Richard. Richard David Scientist people. David Scientist people. Well he loves somebody, but it was nice because him, you know, when blokes get older, they don't hang out with their mates as much, and he loves his mate, and then it I think it was nice that they just went on their own.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

It's more of an adventure than that.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

They went off and just did bloke things where they just the blokes.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

I'm going to Greece in a couple of weeks.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

On your own. I'm always coming to Greece.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

See my friend uh Kelly. I'm going for a week.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

You had a lovely time last week.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

I went last year, and I had such a nice time. I got properly depressed when I came back that that wasn't my life and I didn't live there. So then I was like, I'm just gonna book to go again. I'm gonna put to go every year. The children will have to just know that every year I go away for a week to Greece on my own.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

I think you need it sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

And it's so nice.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

I always go away in like October with my friends from Roller Derby. We get like a little cottage and we just it's not I like these, because like normally in a group I'm funny, but with them I just turn the fucking, I turn myself off. Let them fanny around. I can't be fucked. That's how they're like she's fucking well miserable with us. Yeah, well that's what it is. They're like, you know, even funny with us.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

I thought so well, come along. No, you carry on.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Did you see any kangaroos? Pardon? Did you see any kangaroos?

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Yeah, I went to the oh, I saw my friend from uni and then um get this right. So this friend from uni came with two of her friends, um, and then and it was mad because she's from uh Peri Bar, Wolverhampton, so she's got a really strong accent, but now she's been in Australia so long. That's because she lives there, like yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like this this fucking strangest accent. But I'd say now she sounds more Australian than because that's like proper, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very, very and now I just feel sad about Perry Bar Great Bar because um there was an awful episode of the real life CSI on BBC, and it's just absolutely awful. But this map anyway. So then uh so whenever I think of that, I feel very sad, get this right. One time, and I was saying this to her, I said, I said to her, is this real? Because I have this memory of I was out have I told you this before. I don't know. I was out with friends in Birmingham. What's that when I got on a fight in Mr. Egg? I don't know, and then we were in a taxi on the way back, and then there was like this we saw a taxi. Have I told you this? No, we saw a taxi in an industrial estate and just thought lights were on, and we just thought danger. So we went, I go to the taxi driver. Can you can we go check on that taxi there? And then went there and it was this girl, Izzy. In that and she was in the taxi driver, wasn't letting her out. Don't you think that's so mad? Yeah that we went that I went there with different people out of all the people a newer, and then we brought, I said, get in our taxi and we took her home.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

But that's the same as like me and um Amy thinking about cheese.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Yeah, serendipitous.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

That is weird about that cheese thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

We've got listener stories. Wait a minute, we've got to address uh well I didn't f oh love it. I didn't finish that story. That wasn't the end. No. So then she brought some friends and then basically taxi. No, separately to my show in Melbourne. Oh, okay, we're back and so then she afterwards the friend she said that her friend that she teaches with goes, I'm gonna go see an act at the Marburg Comedy Festival, and then my friend Izzy from uni, she goes, I'm gonna go see an act. Who are you seeing? Both Harriet Dyer. The other one uh knew me from Cornwall, went to see a show, and then her friend goes, um, oh, I know her. She uh used to she said once on stage about uh uh a lady used to jump out of a bush at her on the way to school. That's my grandma. I forgot about the bush lady. So it's all connected, but anyway, my point is we need to address the corn.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Oh yeah. We had a vi it wasn't really but for us. But um we had an episode where Amy said the corn was bad. Well used in You're not saying corn, you say corn. I do say corn. Do you know what also I say is that wrong is cacoon?

SPEAKER_02 28:46

No, you said this last time and it doesn't make any sense. Cocoon. Cocoon. Kaccoon. I would just say caca. I would just say kacao.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

I didn't say that corn was bad, I said it was produced in a mysterious way.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

And then there are.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

People went absolutely bananas and thought that I was saying that well, they didn't even think that, but they were saying, well, slaughterhouses are worse. I've been vegetarian since I was like six years old. I eat shitloads of corn. My freezer's bloody full of it. I'm allowed to say that it is produced in a mysterious fashion.

unknown 29:28

Okay?

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Stop getting angry with me about it.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Does that make it like couture? Because like if you don't know how quator.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

It's corn.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

You should make advert saying this is our secret recipe.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Yeah, it's uh elusive. Anyway. Bungus. And then and then there everyone's like, yeah, but well, go to the slaughterhouse. We're not saying one or the other. Like, why are you off the off your tits about the slaughter? Honestly, and then that and then that you made me laugh when you said about someone's just like and you're like, oh well, I've chat GTP and chat GTP in the morning, because this guy's like, I've got a griff hand, I've got a slaughterhand, look at the loads of chat, chat AI, and I was like, get fucked.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

The thing is, who's as you get older, you realise if you genuinely did think that I was saying that this is not the way to change people's minds. What it's making me want to do, even though I've been vegetarian since I was six years old, is go and fucking burger.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

You know?

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yes, I hope you're happy with yourselves.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

It's like Yeah, you killed a cow! I think that um I just I think um I I don't want to I do want to see inside um how it's made.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Um there's an episode of My Garage. No, what's it called?

SPEAKER_00 30:44

My My Pimp My Ride Pimp My Ride with the exhibit.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Um Pimp My Garage. No, what's it called? Pimp My Inside the Factory. Inside the factory.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

Nearly got there in the end. Yeah, but apparently they just show that the vats. I don't think they actually show because some people are saying it's mould fungus.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

It's not so again, oh you need to see this. Oh, I'm sorry I don't have a a TV planner in my brain to know every single episode of anything. Jeremy Bloody Paxman. No.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

Well, if we got invited to go to the Quan. Well, we're not because you tried tagging them and then.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

Yeah, I says speaks volumes, doesn't it? That Lindsay tagged them, asked for a tour of the factory, and they didn't say they didn't jump at the shop. I'm gonna message them now.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

But if we if we do that, we will have slander. We will have to do slaughterhouse as well.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

One or the other.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

Well, because I said, didn't I that there used to be this strange smell uh at my uh when I used to go visit my grandparents as a child. Sure. And then it's because there was an abattoir nearby, and then Lindsay said that she would like to call her child.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Did it smell like a butcher's?

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Butchers have got a nice, strange odd smell, haven't they? Like blush.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

Not nice, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

I used to have to get the bus outside of Butchers. I um not wish I used to work for a vegan campaigning organisation, and we actually had to climb over a fence at night to go look at a pig factory. Like break in and also a dark factory. That was part of my job. It was awful. I've never been so scared in my life because a farmer we set off the movement sensors and a farmer chased us on a quad bike.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

Like like in Chicken Run.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

It was really scary.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Bloody hell. Can we go dumpster diving?

SPEAKER_00 32:30

I don't need any more shit in my house. Yeah, but you'd love it. What dumpster would you dive in? Well TK Max, as you you must know, there's some pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

It's always like there's one shoe. Oh. So if there's There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. Did you know anyone with one foot? Well, my friend Kelly, she's got club foot, so she's got two different feet of different size. Johnny Pelham? He has to have one different shoe. So any if any clubbed feet people are listening, we could go dumpster diving, TK Max. Apple shop. Hang on. I think you're too long for the dumpsters. You'd have to dangle me in. I know. I dangle you in. I don't think you've got the upper body strength to pull her back out. Never underestimate me. Under restorate you.

unknown 33:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Never under restorate my ability to.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

When I was at college, this guy said bloody ow, get Ariot on it, because once I would take in a set and I accidentally lifted the whole top rigging.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Do you reckon you could pick me up off the floor a bit?

SPEAKER_01 33:41

What, buy a grab? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Come on. But I do need a wee. I wanted to say something to you while you're preparing yourself. Oh, let's go. Oh, she did it! You opened your little legs like scissors. Woo!

unknown 34:00

Can I do that?

SPEAKER_01 34:02

No, you can't.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

I'm like 15 so I don't think I can. Your ticks are really big. I'm gonna fall.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Well done!

SPEAKER_00 34:17

We were like Tessel. Right, we fit together, perfect.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

Like, look at I can pick you up like a baby. No, I no, but I all but like I will we.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

I'm happy to take the chat. I don't want you to.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Well, we didn't talk about enough. Like I just want to say one final thing.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

No, we've got to do a listener story.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Can I just say to you that we didn't talk about Harriet said that when we were doing interpretive dance at college, and then she said about that girl's toenails, we didn't fully interrogate the idea of Harriet doing interpretive dance.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Because have you seen how she moves? Of course she does. There's no need to even fucking question it. She's got interpretive dance in her soul. It's every look at her now. She's interpretive dancing to my wear when you were doing it. A leotard and a thong. No. Yes. Joggers. And a thong. And a thong. And was it serious, interpretive dance? Yes, always.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

I'm a very serious lady. I move like a carrier bag in the night. In the night or the wind? The wind.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

My brain went wind, but my mouth went night. Well, that's what I do. I'll say a thing, but my brain went, that's not what we meant. That's not what we were gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Right. Hi, moth ladies. Thank you. That's a nice one. Moth ballers, thank you. My name is Samuel Normington.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

I went to college with him. I thought it was a joke name. Samuel. Can I just I thought that was one of Harriet's entrances? Because you know she goes, I'm I'm Barnaby Pitts.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

Samuel Normington's a really good fake name because it just sounds real enough. But um Samuel Normington, if you went to college with Harriet, can you write in and tell us what she was like at interpretive dance? I lived in East London. Once me and a friend decided we needed a hobby.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Where do we live? London.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

So we signed up to a girl band dance class. We had visions of bopping to the sugar babes and doing Mel C high kicks, generally having a gay old time. However, when the class started, the instructor jetted through the routine at such a colossal speed we just laughed. But then the whole room proceeded to copy exactly what she had done at the same speed. This happened twice more, and the instructor said, Okay, the girl band have arrived now, let's do it with them. It transpired that this was a class for professional dancers who wanted experience of being backing dancers for a girl band. We left and never returned. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

But at least you stayed. Everyone else wants to be like, who the fuck was it?

SPEAKER_01 36:49

I once was support, I used to be a support worker for people with learning disabilities, and I took this girl with learning disabilities. I took this girl with learning disabilities to a hip-hop dance class, and I was really proud of myself because she really liked hip-hop, and I was like, this is a really nice thing to do, to organise this for a take her. And then we went, and she was so much better at it than me. I was so bad at it.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

So why did you have to do it though? Did you just take it?

SPEAKER_01 37:17

I don't know why, but I did do it with her.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

I didn't have to.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

It was I was so bad.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Oh I went to one of my favourite moments of like going to like a dance. Well, it's not really dance, it was Zumba. Me and my mum used to go to Zumba. We were so shit. We would always be at the back, like pissing about. And there was this woman next to us, she was really like hench. Um, probably about I say she's about 50, but she looked fantastic for it. Do you know when you're like, wow, if she looks good, she's got like a sports, sports tank top. And I don't know what happened, but um we're all in we're all in sports legs, tanks sports legs. Like a centaur. Sports legs, another pair of sports legs. Oops, anyway. She she had the important part of this is she had like a sports tank something. Uh uh. And you have to do it in lines, and uh what there was this move where you had to kind of reach over and like grab your it was like uh I can't really explain, it's not that, but it was further. And what what happened in that moment? So it was me, my mum, and then the lady um is the lady must have moved, she pushed her hand over, and her tit came out the out the side of her top, and then we were all doing notice. My mum spotted it, she was like, What is this out? Just hanging out the side. Well, your mummy's tit level, isn't she? Yeah, she is, she's the perfect height to spot an areola. She just she mum, we were laughing so hard that mum had to go sit down, and then the song finished, and the woman just tucked a tit in and carried on. And I just thought, how often does this happen that it's not bothered you?

SPEAKER_02 39:07

And that's a different top, you stupid bitch, and then you feel like for laughing, like ashamed that she's treated it so normally, and you two are just giggling.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

We go, I mean, we went belly dancing, that was fun. What? I would love to belly dancing, we went to a psychic medium where you learnt to be a psychic. What else have we done? We're doing lots of stuff. There's a nudis camp she's found up the road. She wants to go to that. I said, I'm not cut. She don't want to go, she just wants to go and have a look. Um well she could just be with binoculars. Well, she's got glasses, so I think she needs like an audio description. Do binoculars work when you've got glasses on?

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Yeah, don't they?

SPEAKER_01 39:51

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

Or you need them ones like a periscope. No, those ones that flip down. Like at the theatre.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

Like on a stick that you pay a pound for.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

She goes, My dad goes new disty, she could go with my dad.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

I don't want that to ever happen. I don't want my mum to be anywhere near your dad. Why? Because Jarriette is so sometimes I wonder how you are the way you are. And then I remember the time we were doing in lockdown when when we were doing the show online. Was it for a podcast? I think it was. And your dad just started was in the audience and just started loading his dishwasher really loudly. And I think there she is.

SPEAKER_02 40:37

Yeah, and we were all like, what the fuck is that noise? And then it turned out it was my dad loading the dishwasher on Zoom.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

On Zoom, yeah. Yeah. But uh, no, I don't want to peep and peep and creep at your dad's dinkle, thank you. No, they just go together, and your mum would have her bits out. She doesn't want a bits out, she just wants to have a look.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Yeah, you can't just do that. That's voyeurism. We have to go and look. No, that's voyeurism, it's illegal. Is it?

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Yeah, you can't just be looking Oh, she's kicking off now.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

Even if I'm just she get it's funny what she gets angry about. You never can't predict it.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

But no, no, you would be you would be fully clothed, purving a sport.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

What if I had a sports top on with one tit hanging out? Would that be okay? Well, tell that to the judge. Okay, well, we've we've we've we've done what we've come to do.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

Oh, it's very mature of you, Lindsay. What was that? You haven't just slid down the.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

She normally just slides down.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

I forgot. Why did I mention that? Goodbye. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

Do we need to do anything? Do go see Amy on tour.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Go and see me on tour, please. But it's gonna be out over by the time this is out, I think.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

Me and Lindsay Santoro were doing Edinburgh fringe this year. Yeah. Come to that.