Harriet 2 sausages

Chaos, comedy and completely unfiltered chat - welcome back to Social Mods.

This episode spirals from Jane McDonald and Celine Dion debates into wrestling, karaoke disasters and the mystery of Richard’s behind-the-scenes photos. The hosts dive into the reality of British weather moods, winter blues and why a bit of sunshine fixes everything.

There’s plenty of oversharing as they get into awkward health chats, beauty mishaps and whether anyone would actually survive a group waxing trip. From DIY disasters and exploding fizzy drinks to paper round injuries and questionable life choices, the stories only get more ridiculous.

They also cover carvery cravings, the heartbreak of not booking ahead, supermarket roast comparisons and why chip standards matter more than they should. Travel chaos, overpriced trains and late-night food missions make an appearance too.

Plus, a listener story about an unfortunate phone call mishap brings the cringe, and the episode wraps with workplace memories, ladder trauma and a completely unhinged “butterfly of the week” debate.

It’s messy, loud and full of tangents - exactly what you’d expect.

Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph

Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0

Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==

Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors. Social mods. Who's doing the intro? Did we do an intro last time? Yeah. Very briefly. Yeah. Okay. Welcome to Social Mods. I'm a ghost of Christmas past. With a tiny hat out.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

I'm Jane McDonald.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

I'm Amy Mason.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Lindsay's coming to see me and I've got tickets to go see Jane. I'm taking my mother, whether she likes it or not.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

But you didn't answer my question. Can we go see Celine Dion?

SPEAKER_03 0:39

No.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

She's she's got locked in since. No, she's been doing physiotherapy. Where's she? And she's now half-rocked. She's hot.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

What do you mean, half-locked? Someone's put some WD4 together. She's on.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Oh, let's not let's not listen to it. It is sad. It is sad. I've since of her. The songs though, her songs are fucking works of art.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Have you seen her when she's getting interviewed? And the guy was like, What do you wear to bed? And she's like, some luxury uh some couture, and she said, like Brazier, like some le lingerie and heels, and he's the guy's like, Who do you wear that for? And she went, Matthew.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yeah, she's such a vibe. She goes, she'll be any shoe size between four and eight.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah, she does wear, she makes her feet fit in the shoe.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Yeah, so she'll either go like that or like that. I think she's great. And that one, what's that one? Um is there someone coming back?

SPEAKER_04 1:35

It's just such a build-up and I was listening to meatloaf on the way in. Absolutely. That's kind of insane. So you but it's always listen to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

You listen to one song and you're in cornball, it's so long. When my mum used to run the karaoke.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Oh god. If you put me like if you put a request in for meatloaf, um she wouldn't put it on because they're like nine minutes long.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Yeah, it'd have to be at the end of the night when everyone's going home. That's like Well, no, I didn't I think I said this before when I went to uh did a uni gig and then there was c we went to the union and did karaoke afterwards and then this guy the the guy at the um the guy at the the guy Oh Rich I wanted you to take a photo of us. Oh yeah you didn't with the last one.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

We do it after this.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

But you best not forget.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

You can change again and then go.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

We are quite like I don't feel like we're people that can be interrupted. And Rich doesn't have a lot of authority over us. So when he's like, I don't think he can go, shall I take a picture? He has to wait.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Well he should be just doing it. He just did it! Yeah, but he's between him doing it's not gonna get a stage one at the end after the. He's not between he's I think he's got secret photos because he's never given them to me. I say can every episode I say, can you take some photos? And then they never make it to me, so I don't know what's fucking happening with them, Richard. On the dark if that is your real name, he's got a little shrine, little chino.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Little chinos. I saw you guys earlier.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

I mean have you got chinos on for that? No, we've had them all made into cushions and beddings.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Little drain pipes over there, little drain pipe. Um what was I saying? Jane MacDonald. No, Celine. Yeah, we got where is she is she touring? Yes, she is. When?

SPEAKER_00 3:25

I bet the tickets are really expensive.

SPEAKER_04 3:27

I've just bought tickets to watch the wrestlers when it's in Birmingham.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Ooh, I'd like to do that.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Yeah, come with. There are any chip, because it's not a televised one. Um David. It was wrestle. Listen, I know you don't care, but it was WrestleMania the other week, and it's two nights, and they just fight and they'll have it at a nice time. What are you doing? He's come to take another photo. You're as subtle as a brick in the arsehole.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Where are these videos going?

SPEAKER_04 3:54

Yeah, we don't know. We don't know what he's doing with the behind the scenes footage. We can only speculate, and we speculate there is a shrine, and we're happy to have it.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Why do you speculate? But then when you have a smear it, they use a speculum. That's a speculum.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Uh you'll say speculate. You'll say speculate, I say speculum, you'll say folders, I say a shrine.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Let's call the whole thing off.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

How are you, gals? Very well. I am.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

The sun's out, and that's making me less miserable about life. We really do take we're like an abusive relationship with the weather. Like it'll just o give us a little slither of sun, and we're like, I'm coming up.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

I need the sun, I realised like I get so miserable in the winter. Like, really down.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Like the last winter. That was the worst thing ever, wasn't it? It was we've had the worst winter.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Yeah, and it's spilled over to this year. Oh, I forget that some of this year is still the winter. But my dad's my dad is um oh no, the tea of now on I've crossed the barrier. I've had like 10 cups, I feel mad.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Yeah. Yeah, I can feel my mouth drying up.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

My ears are being pushed away. My tea?

SPEAKER_00 5:13

My eyes are all flickery.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I've had an itchy muff since I first saw you. An itchy muff? Yeah, it's just been itchy. Is it the pubic bone or the innards?

SPEAKER_03 5:26

It's in my my little crazy.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Can I tell you something? I send you the picture of the callist and tube, I ran out of that.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

How do we have to work afterwards? With that clip. With that clip. Can I tell you? It's in my little grease. That's my rap name.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

Little Grease. Little Grease, little chinos. What's what's aim, eh? A little old woman on the floor.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Big head. Little big head. Can I have one? A little big head.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

I want more.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Lil Pinky. Little clut. Little calves. Little cal. How are you? Um you unnerve me, Richard.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

When you lunge. Sorry, Richard. Um, what were we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

You're too fanny. You run over your caniston.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

I want to talk about how it's funny.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

We'll come back to that. I dropped, I must have had canister in my like a little tube of it. It dropped out of my bag. I reversed over it on the drive and then went to drop my daughter off. Came back, drove back over it. When I got back, the caniston tube was completely flat, but I just thought that's about 16 quid, that is. So I am like the innards are fine. So I do I wouldn't give you any, but like if you are desperate, I have got a run over canister. There were thinkers.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

I think it's more of like um just the just just the way hairs are growing. I can't be doing with the ink.

SPEAKER_04 6:56

I can't, this is why I leave it. It's too much because it it it fights with itself, it fights with velcro, but just two of the bad velcro.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Tusting. Have you been you've been showing off and shaving it?

SPEAKER_01 7:08

No, just for I just like to keep things tidy.

SPEAKER_04 7:11

Yeah, you don't want it too long, but you can't like do you have you ever had a wax? I wouldn't put someone through that. I think that I'd like to add one, but I'm quite scared because obviously mine is more middle obese.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

And I think, do I have to pay more land?

SPEAKER_04 7:28

No, it's not like a gardener. Well, I'd pay for the hour, wouldn't I, with a gardener? Do I just do that with my fanny? You've got you've got 20 minutes get on with it, see what you come back to. I've left the edges because I didn't have to.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Imagine if they did like the lines like they're doing a lawn. There's a little man on the mower.

SPEAKER_04 7:50

They waxed your mum on as well.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

If I haven't had that done, I wouldn't have that done.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

I think I'd love a smooth arsehole.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I wouldn't want some.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

My friend said when she had hers done and she was walking, she said she felt like her whole arsehole was like a cloud, like it was so silky. That's just something to consider. Should we all go for a wax together? I wouldn't like that. No, we're not meant to enjoy it. It's like a celebrity trial. I got it now. But someone's gotta pick it up. Harriet took it.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

I was like, I think Darren Brown. Oh, well, lovely.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Richard, why are you up again?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Uh oh, yeah, I want to see Harriet more. There you go. Take a picture. You've got enough. You did that on purpose. You're you're operating at different levels.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yeah, like um sometimes um are you scared to put that on the table?

SPEAKER_03 8:50

No, I just I find with white white surfaces.

SPEAKER_04 8:53

I can never judge how far away they are. That might be dyspraxia. Okay, that makes a lot of sense because I do fall over. I think Marvin might be dyspraxic.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Or cac-handed, as my nan says. Yeah, once this um the food technology teacher, when I was in school, she screamed at me because she said I was cac-handed, because uh I was peeling something, and she said it looked like I was peeling my fingers off. I wasn't peeling my fingers, I was peeling the potato.

SPEAKER_04 9:22

So, Andrew, the lesson of the day. Don't assume that someone is peeling their fingers. Also, why would you be just peeling your fingers and not making any noise?

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Exactly, exactly. But then my mum said, because when I was Aunt Ella in Oklahoma, as um, I'm not I don't want to map the opening scene. I was peeling potatoes, and mum said then she was like, We were no one was listening to the acting, they were stressed that I was gonna peel my fingers off.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

I really wonder why how'd you do this?

SPEAKER_04 9:56

Really dramatic where she's like flicking you must do it weirdly.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Well, I don't even know because it's just the way I peel.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

It's just the way I feel. You're very appealing. I've got a peeling. And I think it's the end of my finger.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Imagine if I just peeled. So I just had a skeleton hand. Yeah, I'm imagining. Oh no, and I didn't realise.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

Well, this is the pit.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

They do a lot of de-gloving, which is skin. They did that. Uh they did my ex-husband did that when he was a teenager. He jumped, he got his hand stuck in a loft ladder and he panicked and jumped down and all the fingers, skin came off his fingers.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

So what did they do?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

They had to like I think he had the skin, they put it back on again, but it's like Mickey Mouse.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

Yeah, your skin kind of can roll up and they just kind of push it back over.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

In fact, I think in fact I'm saying that, but I when I got in Petango, because and everyone pissed me off at school because they said everyone got it, then people got it because my family's been scratching their assholes when they haven't, thank you very much. And then um uh I was there wasn't told us about your itchy funny. Yeah, but you but I've not got scabs on me because of it. Yeah, but you'd be your family scratching their assholes. My family were not scratching their assholes.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

But were you scratching your assholes?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

No, I got in potango because there was I was I was dribbling I was delivering papers.

SPEAKER_04 11:25

I was dibelling I had a gesture of a hand going flat forward, like delivering a paper. And then looked at me, I like Jenny in the eye and went, I had a job deliver. Yes, and that's how you got in patal.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

So I was dibbling off as a nibble, I was delivering a paper, put my hand in to with to pop the paper through, and then a dog, I seen a dog come to me, so then I didn't think to lift the um the letterbox and whip my hand out and then scraped my fingers, and then there must some input I go must have been in the air.

SPEAKER_04 12:06

Oh yeah, because it got my fingers. Imagine you as a delivery woman doing exactly that. You would just push your whole hand into someone's house and drop it and then come back out again with little cameras on my fingers.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Oh, that was the worst job. It was so stressful. It was £521 papers for £5.21. No, that's not worth the time.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

What have you been up to this way? I've just been watching the wrestling and hanging out with uh my friend. I went for a covery. Oh love a carvery.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Well, me and Marvin went for we went, we keep doing this. You need to book, especially in Bristol, you need to book ahead for a carvery, but who even thinks that far ahead? I just wake up on a Sunday, fancy a carvery, try to get one, everyone like laughs in your face.

SPEAKER_04 12:50

This is what like a Toby. You can chance your luck, but like the good ones, you've got a book a week in advance.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

There's a place that's something tavern, is it the something tavern in Bristol? And it's apparently a year. I know there are a lot of long years. Yeah, a year, yeah, exactly. So then we went to places that laughed, we were laughed out the street. So then um we went to Mark's and Spencer's and got uh the the we went to Dunkin' Went Dunkin' Donuts to get a little because if I I can't be cooking if I'm starving because I'll just no the t the time I need I need a food now.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

Yeah, I'm hungry, I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Because I was gonna I'd fucking peel someone's head off. Oh your fingers. Yeah. So that's one for you or for me. Head to hell. Uh so we went to Dunkin' Donuts, got some donuts, then went to Marks and Spencer. I tell you I tell you the difference getting a good bit of meat from Marks and Sparks compared to what? Going to like, I don't know, fucking Asda or something.

SPEAKER_04 13:54

It is weird, like food is so much nicer in Marks and Spencer's and Waitros, and it is weird, like even tomatoes and I know they say like Aldi's great, and I do like Aldi for certain things, but with my meats, I I've I've had some bad times with the meats in Aldi.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

I don't eat meat, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Well that went viral, didn't it? Because the there weren't people defrosting their where was that? They were defrosting their turkeys on Christmas Day and they were fucking rotten inside.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

Well it's freezer burn, wasn't it? It was freezer burn. I don't know. I don't really Freezer Burn. Have you never heard of Freezerburn? Have you?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 14:27

Have you heard of Freezer Burn?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Oh, so it wasn't the quality of the birds.

SPEAKER_04 14:31

Well, some of it was, and some of it was wasn't it wasn't the taste of the birds or the unhydrogen of it. It was the quality of the turkey. Yeah, so if you put something in a really cold freezer, you can but you know, like if you put your hand on something really cold, it it can create like a burn. Yeah. But how come they were rotten inside and not? They might just be rotten, they might have bad arsenals, itchy arse, scratch, pimple target.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

That's how it happens. Yeah, but yeah, so we went, so oh, I tell you, it was delicious. So went to get, yeah, so got the food from Mark's Spencer's, went home, made a delicious roast dinner, and then watched uh because me, it's some obviously because me and Marvin aren't living together, we are waiting for some programmes and then we watch them together, so we're waiting to watch Stranger Things.

SPEAKER_04 15:18

That's been out a while. You wonder about the cartoon one. No.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Have you still not watched Stranger Things? The end, I haven't watched the end of it, and as it happened, I still haven't because I fell asleep because each episode was like two hours.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Wouldn't I watch the first season? Which season are you watching?

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Oh, it's on five now, it's the final series. I might have watched the second. It's good, I do like it. But I would have liked that will to die season one. He's just annoying. Listen, it's because he's gay.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Yeah, she's famous homophobe.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

There we go. She went guys. My dad is a gay man, and I love him, and sometimes he makes that difficult. Only joking, love you, dad. I know we'll be listening as well. He listens to everything.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

Yeah, but it's pride, isn't it? Even if he is loading his dishwasher lively in the background and pissing it in the loft or whatever people do. My mum's probably on her seventh cup of tea now. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

I've honestly had about seven.

SPEAKER_04 16:34

She'll put a cup of tea down. We're talking about this before. Um, put a cup of tea down, finish it, and just make another cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

I do.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

And I just think, but she doesn't I never really see I have a wee. Whereas I'll have a bit of a wee.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

And I leave them all around to half finish because I forget.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

Terrible, I always drink half a cup of tea and leave. For some reason that annoys me. Yeah. What are you gonna be like when you're old?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

She's gonna be so grumpy.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I can't wait. It's because you lift up. I've before lifted up a cup thinking it was empty and then just dashed myself in the face with all the fucking cup. Fucking strong. Where do you think you are? Really?

SPEAKER_04 17:09

Like you're picking up a cup of tea, just throwing it on the ceiling. You fucking fall on the fucking up. You fucking.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I uh lost up. Deposit my first ever flat. Me and my ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, we were like 17, had such bad rows, we used to chuck stuff at each other. And when the landlord came round to do like an inspection for us to get our deposit back, he was like, I'm not giving your deposit back. And I was like, Why like crying hysterically? And he was like, There's tea all over the ceiling. No, yeah, there was because I chucked a cup of tea.

SPEAKER_04 17:41

Yeah. I um where was David was away? David was away, and uh my mum would come round. I think we'd had like dinner or something. Have I told you this story? You I've seen your mum showed me the photo. Oh god, and there was a can of Pepsi just on the side in the hall. Uh it was sealed, it wasn't done up. Um was I going out? My mum was going out, and chaos follows my mum, which is fine. Um, but I was like, she do you know when you like there's nothing there was nothing in that situation that alarmed me that something was going to happen. My mum also does this thing where she will leave the house and then 30 seconds later she knocks back on the door because she's forgotten something, and then she'll leave the house again, and then another minute or so she'll go, I forgot me, um, but this time we were like everything she went to leave the house by the front door. I she somehow, because well, because she had three bags in her hand, which I don't understand. Not this kind of Pepsi maps, it fell behind the little side table, hit the back of the wall, made a small hole in it, so it shot up in the there was Pepsi on the on the walls of the ceiling, and it was spinning like that, and there was almost like and um it's one of them where you go, I could be mad about this, but the likelihood of this ever happening again is impossible. But it was it was up the walls, it was up the walls, it was up the door. It was how can this how can this can have caused so much carnage?

SPEAKER_01 19:09

It was very good. It's when like a pinhole, I think it's when it's uh because it's happened to me before, but when I was uh when they had me little lot my little space, remember the uh the the community space and then um it uh well what happened? I was sitting on a beanbag, needed to and then looked at the other side of the room, it needed a paint. So then I was like, right, so then I didn't think I wasn't in the right clothes, so then I just got naked and then started painting, but there was like a touch shop on the remember, there was a touch shop on the balcony, so then I've I needed to get on the windowsill, so then I've grabbed the handle of the window and then moved a can. A can of Dr. Pepper has then fallen, must have made a pinhole. I was completely naked, completely covered. And then as that happened, I could be great put my mum in the naked while that was. Yeah, but as it's happened, because I'm holding on to the wind, the fucking window's opened, and then I'm windsurfing, like hanging on the window. With your issue fanny out of the window, completely covered in Dr. Pepper. But then for yeah for years after I would look and I'd see like a spot of Dr. Pepper. It the circumference it gets to is unbelievable. It's really high pressure in that.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

Um high pressure. What have you been doing this week, Amy?

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Went to the tip, oh yeah, freaked myself, went to the tip to the tip shop. There's a shop at the nearest tip to me, and they sell loads of stuff that is just a little bit too not disgusting to chuck in the tip, and I love it. And I went and they had outside loads of concrete frog ornaments, and I said to the woman, how much for one of these? And she said, Two pounds, and I said, How much for more than what? And she said, Oh, you can have the lot for ten pounds. It's like 25 concrete frogs, two concrete hedgehogs, a concrete squirrel with a nut. Like all variety of sizes, one of them's quite big. What the fuck? Are you going to do a boot full of frogs? Well, I'm having more fruits. And then there were these mosaic tiles, like to do like mosaics with. And she said, two pounds of strip, or you can have the lot for five pounds. I've got a boot full of mosaic tiles. I'm gonna make them I'm gonna be like a Roman Emperor.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Wait, wait, what what what how?

SPEAKER_00 21:29

I'm gonna like stick mosaic tiles to everything and make mosaics.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Are you gonna do it in your um new my new art land room?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah. Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

That sounds great. Oh, but will I actually though?

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I've just got to be a little bit more. You will Amy.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

You need to.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

I need to. I'm gonna give you one of the frogs though.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Yeah, so I can tell which is my balcony.

unknown 21:46

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

I'll do that now, they're in the boots.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Oh, lovely.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Yeah, you can have a frog if you want.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Can we take photos with the frogs? Yeah, yeah. Uh I so I went away, I went to London, uh and then. Morgue? I went to because it was a v an event thing and I always leave, but I made sure I got a hotel and then stayed and because I just uh I hate it all. So I I stayed, made sure I mingled. Did you enjoy mingling? I was this a channel four thing you did. Yeah, I don't think I don't know if I enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Is it gonna be on television though?

SPEAKER_01 22:23

No, no, it was just like a short sort of showcase thing, and then um and then I had to go Scott, I've done so much travelling, it's very stressful. Then I went to the uh all the way up to Glasgow and the trains how they charge the prices. Like if the service is not how if people are sitting out in front of the toilet, you cannot charge them the full prices. Fucking mental. Stop selling tickets for seats you don't have. You don't do it in the airplane. It's fucking greedy. You're going red, Harry. So annoying, I just hate greed. Anyway, so that was annoying. And then I um and then I went for a drink out afterwards and then ended up.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

What were you doing in Scotland?

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Gigs? Uh yeah, the Glee Club. Did you go to Barrymarket? No. I messaged Raya, who was in Birmingham. Oh, I thought she might be up there. Yeah, so I was not happy about that. Did you go for drinks when you're up there? Yep, I went for drinks with Ryan Cullen and Michael Akkaderi.

unknown 23:26

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

After but I got because after the gig, I got I got um they filled up my glass of wine so so then I was pissed already. Then I went to this bar, had another massive glass of red wine, you know. I was there swapping my wine around. Marvin says I look like I've been sucking off coals.

SPEAKER_04 23:46

I do love Tudor wine Harriet. Tudor wine Harriet. Oh, bring me a hog, Ralph, and another wife, and another wife.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yeah, you hold your wine like that. She just bring me another wife. I was surprised I've got gout. Because then I went to um so then I walked back and I didn't know how to tell Michael. So I walked back with Michael, then I didn't know how to tell him that I actually wanted food, so I walked all the way back to the hotel with him and threw my coat down and just went into the night by myself to get food. There's loads of places around there though, isn't there? Yeah, loads, but I didn't know how to tell him that I won't, but I tell you, I found the most beautiful fish and chip shop. In the middle of the night.

unknown 24:28

In the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

In the middle of the night. In the middle of the night. They were frying my chips.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

They were frying my chips. And I said, Can I have one battered sausage? They gave me two. And then I was I it was so delicious that every I was telling Marvin every time I add a bite of my chips, because you cried, I would just every bite, mmm, every single bite by myself in this hotel that was too hot, just sweating. Harriet and a few sausages. Yeah, I care.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

There you are, that's the name of this one. Write that down. Harriet and a chip sausage.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

I just died.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Fruit sausages and a chip I can lick and enjoy.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

But the chips, because what annoys me is when people they they'll they'll go, oh I've worried about you. What annoys me? I worry about your blood pressure. They go, Oh, we're putting on the fresh fish here. Oh, lovely, thanks for that. And then the old shit chips, are you having a laugh? But when you get a fresh chip, ooh la la, I hate you can get a chip so wrong.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

I hate it when that undercooked, that's my least favourite. When you get a chip that tastes sort of potato. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

I like it when I can't quite describe, but the chips are slightly soft, but they're nice. Uh like when I'm in Barmouth, those chips at the Barmouth! Yeah, they're the best chips. Where's that? Wales. Let's go there and all of that. Barmouth.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

I've never heard of that. I like just a very, very crispy, salty chip.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

I like a floppy chip, but if but it like a I like a floppy McDonald's chip. Yes, that's what I like. I like a floppy McDonald's chip. But if it's a chip shop chip, like fluffy in the middle, crispy on the outside. I used to love, you know, um Eddie Brimson, Lou Conran's high school. Oh, their little podcast. Yeah, he used to do a chip review. I can't watch it because it makes me want chips. That's why I had to stop watching it. Well, it made me too angry because I know from the look of a chip, I know I say, get out of my life.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

I've got so I'm gonna make a lasagna tonight, but I might get chips to go on the side.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

From the chippy. Is that bad? From the chippy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:28

That's nice, double carbon it.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

They don't have it in um uh they don't have chippy chips in Marbourne.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Where's that? Australia. Uh, what did you have then? The tribe.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

That was on the tribe diet. Because everyone said how lovely the food was. I did not witness that really. Yeah. Like I did have a delicious pizza actually with steak on it. I'm very meaty.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

When I was in Japan, I ordered a pizza. I ordered a pizza, and I thought that's reasonably priced compared to the other food that I've had. And then they bought it, and it was that big, it was like a can of I was on my own, I was like laughing.

SPEAKER_04 27:09

Shall we uh do many? Shall we do uh a listener story? Who'd like to read it? Though I've put a few in the group, we've got so many to get through, but it's up to you.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Thank you, everybody. It's really kind. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:28

I haven't been looking at it while Sam's been away and then went on and I was like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

You two need to be held accountable.

SPEAKER_04 27:35

I will be held accountable and I will I will work for my crimes.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Not one post or anything.

SPEAKER_04 27:43

I just can't tell you what happened. I got logged out of Instagram, so I couldn't do anything anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Well, you why didn't you say to me? Because you were in France or wherever the fuck you were. 11 hours later, I would have responded. Yeah, but you need a code. Oh You'd been asleep. Well, we did code one day. Something happened. Yeah, but that's when I was trying to get in.

SPEAKER_04 28:02

Yeah, and it worked. Uh no. No, you were in the country at that point. Oh. You were in the country.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

I just can't believe how much you two let me down.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Do you know what? I've no uh I tell you, well, you need to know that I am the captain of this ship now. Well that we're concerned.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

We're fucking concerned. Yeah, gonna drown.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

We're gonna die. Are we gonna drown, are we? We're bloody You two bloody drowned.

SPEAKER_04 28:35

Um when uh last week I was reading about this article that I can't remember the name of. Stop doing that, it's creepy. Finger in the mouth. Um about um a boat called the something in terror, and it got stuck in the snow and it was meant to be a three-year voyage, and they all starved to death or something.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

That's like, what's the one the Jacqueline Rose or something? Titanic, mate. No, the Magdalene the Mary Rose. Oh Mary Celeste. Mary Celeste.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

Is that a ghost one?

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah, they all died. Oh my god, this geography teacher at school that I think fancied me, he gave me a flag, uh, um mast. No, what's it called? No, a flag that he said was from the Mary Celeste. So I've been telling people for fucking years I've got a flag from Mary Celeste. He's a fucking dirty, ratty liar. Yes. Because also, how would I have the flag because he disappeared?

SPEAKER_04 29:32

Listener story. Well, listener entry. When I was 24, I'm 55 now, I worked for a DIY magazine and had to call a company that made stepladders. So far, I'm intrigued. That's me saying that. It was pre-internet, so I was asking for a photo or transparency of one of the ladders for inclusion in a decorating fee. Uh she's ringing some people about ladders. Or who? I don't know. The bloke on the other end of the phone sounded utterly put out, and was like it was like I was asking him for one of his kidneys and not just a pic of a free listing in a national magazine. Right? She's ringing someone saying, Have you got a picture of your ladders? Are we all a picture of your ladder? He did a massive sigh and said, Okay, I'll put you on hold while I look. It then went quiet. There was no hold music. He really took his time, and after about 15 minutes of waiting, I said out loud to myself, Fucking hell, hurry up, you cunt. To which he immediately replied, I'm going as fast as I can. I was clearly not on hold, but I was on loudspeaker, and I still cringe about this 30 years later.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

That's also when cunt wasn't as popular.

SPEAKER_04 30:54

Yeah, no, love the show, Kate. Now, before we go any further, could you beep out the word cunt? My mum don't like it. She says we should save it for best.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Um is that not best? I mean it's relevant to the story, it's her story.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

No, beep a cunt. I've cunted again now. There's so many cunts now. You have to do so much cunting. Tina, I'm sorry, it's relevant to the story. No, she's not that bothered by it, but I just think it should be saved for best. And some people really don't like that one. Yeah, but someone has it's relevant to the story.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Yeah, it wouldn't have the impact. No, I love a beep.

SPEAKER_04 31:27

I think a beep is better. No, sorry. No, beep.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

As captain of the ship. Oh my god. This is with the thing that's we're gonna get fucking scurvy. Well, this is you are the the the masseuse of your own actions.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

I'm not a masseuse of your actions. I'm masseuse.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Oh, for God's sake. Right, we're done. I thought she was gonna say that she um that she just ran a rang a random man and was asking for a photo of his last.

SPEAKER_04 32:00

Give me a photo of your ladder. Sometimes when I was coming back on the bus and I was a bit pissed, I was getting my mum to pick me up from the bus stop. I'd miss dial the number wrong on my phone, even though I had my mum's number. I don't know, I didn't have the house number saved. And it was only like what, but sometimes I'd ring up this old man and pick it up like that, come and get me from the bus stop. And he'd go, what? And I'd go, oh no, you're not my mum, and then put the phone down. Yeah. But I don't think I've ever said that to somebody on the phone. Never mind. Show us your ladder. Show us your ladder.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

Get your ladder out for your boy. How extendable is your ladder?

SPEAKER_04 32:35

Falling from the loft, my lady. Amy Mason, have you ever been up a ladder? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Terrible at things like that. I used to work at boots when I oh, sorry. I used to work at boots when I was young and um when I was 16. And I used to have to get up ladders. They used to give you like not boots, clerks. Shoes of them. They were all up piled. It was before health and safety, Lindsay. Sure, they'd give you a stick. They were all piled up really high, and you'd have to climb up the ladder and get them, and you'd have like a really short target for how long you had to be, like the maximum to get the shoes. So you'd be like running around getting up these ladders. It was horrible. One day I went to work on a Saturday and I stood outside in my uniform, and my manager went, Hello, Amy, how are you? And I went, I can't come, I'm sorry. And I just turned around and walked back up the high street in my clothes.

SPEAKER_03 33:26

But I would clothes.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

In my uniform, I thought, no, I can't turn around.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

And I took my clothes off and I ran up the high street. I can't touch anymore. Can't do this again. Did you ever use the little measuring machine, the electronic measuring machine?

SPEAKER_00 33:42

We don't think we had an electric one there. Oh, I'd just put my tit in that.

SPEAKER_04 33:45

I'd like to put my tit in that. I really would.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Wait, the last one, we didn't say moth of the week. Yeah, does it? We've lost butterfly. I won because I was in Australia. Now you went for work.

SPEAKER_04 33:56

I actively took time off my job to spend beautiful moments with my child and family.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

No, I went to a gala. Yeah, so what? I had uh a pizza. No, go fuck yourself. Go and shove it up your room.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Yeah, literally. What happens if you get moff of the week or for fucking nothing? Butterfly. It's just the I am the It's the least you can do for me.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Being the captain of the ship. I'm calling a mutiny. I'm throwing this bitch overboard. Um I'll see how you get on with Alta.

unknown 34:29

I'm busy.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

We've run a we've run adrift.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

The manatees are driving the boat. I've I'm off my hat on tee.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

And I'm butterfly of the week again.