Where for art thou Santoro?

In this episode of Social Moths, Harriet and Amy dive headfirst into cult-like house shares, bizarre Bristol living arrangements, menstrual sponge horror stories, and the emotional trauma of communal meetings about milk. From accidental Berlin communes fuelled by loud Placebo albums to silent yoga housemates drying “natural” hygiene products on the draining board, the pair question whether adulthood is really just surviving increasingly strange social situations.

There’s also chaos from Amy’s family trip to Devon, including forgetting every item of clothing except one child’s suitcase, stories of her dad’s endless sailing disasters, and a game called “Did Lindsay or a Famous Dictator Say It?” which goes exactly as unhinged as you’d hope.

Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph

Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0

Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==

Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors. Social moths. Hello, welcome to Social Moths, where we try to we are moths that are trying so hard. To become butterflies. To become butterflies. Bless you, Rich. Did he sneak? So he's trying not to laugh. Oh, bless you for your laughter. And we how we've lost Lindsay. Yeah, she's sad enough. She's gone. Yeah. What should we do? Please help us. But she's uh she's joined a cult. She has joined a cult, not for the first time. Not for the first time. Shan't be the last. Yeah, she's one of those um where they celebrate moon cups.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

That well-known religion. Actually, that's pretty popular in Bristol, isn't it, where me and Harriet live. Yeah, when there's a full moon. I lived with uh I moved into a house show when I was younger, and um I didn't notice the sign that they had up by the shoes saying, please take off your shoes when you come into the house. He's like, please take out your moon cup. Please take out your mooncut. Well, we're getting to that. And I, if I I I do normally take my shoes off when I go into someone's house, but I wouldn't want to live in a house where they had a sign saying that you had to when you that was about uh especially I was in my twenties. Moved in with these women, and they were like silent and they did like yoga all the time, and one of them washed her menstrual sponge, which was a natural sponge, like so an actual like creature like a loofah, yeah, and she on a stick, she it wasn't on a stick, she put it up her fucking toilet and she washed it and dried it on the draining board.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

And but they'd taken a vow of silence because of the side.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Well, they hadn't taken a vow of silence, they just were very quiet. And then when I had friends around once, they told them that they needed to go out because it was too loud and they were trying to watch a film. Oh my god. And it was like nine o'clock at night. Yeah, but they were fine to wash their bloody fanny rags on the training board.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Yeah, I knew uh uh there's a comic that uh she had a special cup for that, and then uh someone came round, sort of made himself a cup of tea, and then and then she goes, Oh yeah, just don't move, don't use this cup as he was drinking from it. Hey, I did. Did I ever tell you this that when I first looked at living in Bristol because I was trying to work out because obviously it's so expensive, I was trying to work out whether I could live with like a house show. I think, in fact, I think you put me in touch with like a yeah, you put me in like a group.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Oh my god, that alternative abodes. Amy. It's all like it's Bristol, so it's all like can I live in this bucket.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Yeah, and that they were like, if one of them said, this is what made me go, no, no, no, was they said we can have a meeting and a talk about milk, but but there will be no meat uh uh brought across our threshold. That this was a vegan house. Imagine the meeting about milk.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

I'm I used to always go into this kind of situation. I because I grew up in kind of quite a hippie-ish way. Like my parents had a vegetarian restaurant, and we like went on holiday to like this community sort of sharing community co-op village called Fintorne in Inverness, and um, so I was always really interested in like these kind of sharing kind of communities and always wanted to, but forgetting what my personality is like. I went on a trial to live in one like that in um like uh highbreakers LinkedIn, London, and it's this really it's been this since the 70s, and I went for this trial week to see if um I wanted to live there and if they wanted me, and it was really cheap, and it'd been there for years and years. And um after a week they said no, we don't want you, but they were horrible, they um they were really like clicky and weird. I went to the off licence and I came back like a cult and I said I said oh the guy was I said I said something, I made I said something quite he was quite flirty, the guy on the off licence, and this girl went to me, so would you describe yourself as quite a flirtatious person then, Amy? They were like that, but um they were funny. There was the guy who lived there, and I said I was a writer, and he said, Oh, I've got an idea for a short story, it's great, and I said, What is it? And he said, I've been thinking about it for years, and I said, What is it? And he said, Imagine a boy dressed as a man living in a cave filled with mannequins like big but on acids. Yeah, that was his idea. That was his idea he'd been thinking about for years.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

That's upsetting.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Oh dear.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Anyway, they didn't want me.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

So that's where Lindsay is in Islington. But what that's uh how did you deal with the fact that they didn't did you if they hadn't have said no to you, would you have wanted them?

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Yeah, but only because it was cheap. I hated it actually.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

In Islington as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

They were um it was super cheap, but they were very intense and earnest, and I felt quite paranoid and confused. It was like, yeah, it was not nice.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

I feel like we need to send you in one of these with a GoPro and to film what what is the what these places are like. Wow, interesting. I almost went to what was it? So I did a gig. So one year in Edinburgh, I did so it was in 2014, I did a show, and then this lady was like, I really like your show, can you come and do a gig for me? And then she put me up in this like commune this little the they they were like uh what's it called? Um shipping containers. It was great. I loved it. But maybe that was a bit weird.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

I wonder if you accidentally got shipped off.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Well who would the who would ship me and where would I go? Timo. Oh. And then I'd and then I'd get delivered smaller. Because Lindsay once that happened. She um ordered a bath towel and it came, it was like that big. Loads of people. Because have you seen the ones where people have ordered like a a sofa and that and then it's come and it's like the size of a doll's house? Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, so ri in real life, Lindsay has uh gone to Cornwall, but we're gonna have um I I'm gonna do a get shall I do the game now or shall we talk about what we've been up to first? Harriet's m w written a game.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Okay, so McGay I don't know anything about this game genuinely.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Oh, wait a minute. I mean no books over.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

I also went and lived in a cult in um Berlin.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

And uh You're so culturally me.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

They just I couldn't speak any German, but they made me go to all their house meetings, which were all the time, and sit there for hours listening to them talking in German. It was so boring. And it was really cheap, that's why I lived there. And all they used to do was just listen to placebo really loud.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

That's really out of order making you go to meetings where you and then speak in a different language. Oh yeah. I used to hang out with a lot of Greek people when I was at uni, and because everyone else turned their back on me. And they I didn't even question it at the time, but they would just be speaking fluently in in Greek, and then I but I was just still having a really good time, I think because I was really drunk. And I remember once because I'd go out every week um with with my non-Greek friends, and then one day I was like, Oh, I can't uh come out this week because I've got like an important because I was like threatened to get kicked out millions of times because I kept not turning up to lessons, so I was like, I've got to stay in. Um and then and then they came home at four in the morning to find me Greek dancing on the outside.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Well, you know. When I was in that place in Berlin, I um made because everyone was so they were so intense and earnest, and this French, younger French girl moved in and she was like nice and a laugh, and I was like, Oh, I can have a friend. I went out, fed her loads of shots, we drunk loads of shots, and then we went back and she fell out of her high bed and broke her f broke her collarbone. And then she was in a hospital like really far away because we had to go to the specialist hospital. I felt so bad I just used to have to go and visit her and wash her hair. I'd only met her for one day. It was such a grim time of my life. Why did you have to wash her hair? Because there was nobody, she didn't have anyone there. Was she really grateful? Yeah, but she was really quite young, she was like 19 or something.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Amy, well done though, for being lovely. That's really nice. Did her family not come and look after her?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

I think her mum did come eventually, but I was oh my god. But I don't understand what the she had a like I felt responsible because I'd fed her shots. Right. British. Woo! Fed this poor, lovely, sophisticated French girl loads of bloody shots of bloody gullschlag or whatever it was. And uh she'd fallen out of high bed.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Yeah, this is what I don't understand. What is a high bed? Like a high chair for a while.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

They had them, no, they had them in it was really cheap. They have them quite a lot in Berlin, or they used to, where they'd have uh a bed's they have really high ceiling, so they'd have almost like a mezzanine level, and you'd have your bed up high with a ladder. And they were quite uh dangerous.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Oh, and she fell off. Oh, Amy. What do when you say people are earnest, what do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Just very um like sort of serious, uh want to do good in the world and take it all very seriously. Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Okay, this is my game called Wait a minute, where is it? Oh Did Lindsay or a famous dictator say it? Okay. I don't know if it is tough. There's only three. Okay. Number one I so wait a minute. So which one do you think is the dictator and which one is Lindsay? Okay, out of these. I believe in one thing only, the power of human will, or let's go out and fight swans. Which is the dictator and which is Lindsay?

SPEAKER_01 10:40

I stopped doing history when I was like young. I didn't do history GCSE or anything. But still, I'm gonna say that the swans is Lindsay.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yes. Oh the other one was Starlin. Oh, number two. Inside Moldy, only death can free us now. Number one, call me big daddy.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Which is which call me big daddy was Chairman Mao. No, it wasn't. Uh I think that was Lindsay. You're wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

What yeah. Iddy Amin, uh uh Ugandan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ugandan, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Oh, don't ever watch that programme, but that film about him. That's so Last King of Scotland, it's about him. It's gross, it's grinning.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

No, I think oh no, I didn't realise that. So that oh dear, I shouldn't joke about him. It's alright, don't worry. Sorry. Well, they're all dictators, Harriet. That's a quiz.

unknown 11:49

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I know my purpose he didn't do any from Hitler.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

But Storm wasn't great.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Millions and millions of people. Oh dear. Uh but how good's that that Lindsay said inside's moldy, only to escape us now.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

What was the inside? What was she talking about?

SPEAKER_00 12:10

I don't know. I just said, could you send me things? So she went through our WhatsApp messages.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah. Alright, good. Okay, final one. Um number one, better to live a day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Number two, pick you up at 11. We're going to Morrison's. Do you need anything? This game has been a success! I wasn't sure. And trying to explain it to Lindsay was very difficult that made me think, uh, is this a terrible idea? Because she thought she got confused with a voice note. So I was like, no, I just need sayings. But then I wanted more, and she went, You've got enough at three. So any guesses for that one, Amy? That one.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Um you said you weren't going to include any by Hitler. No, that's not by Hitler.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Oh, you mean picking. Oh, that was funny, sorry. Amy, can you help me with this? I'm having a real issue in comedy that uh I don't for someone that does comedy, I have no idea when anyone's joking. I take everything so literally.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Yeah, but that's why you're good at that's why you're good at comedy. I mean, that's why you are a good because you're very um You're just a funny person.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah, but I'm just getting everyone's just tra taking the mick out of me at gigs because I'm uh like I'm just assuming it's that what they're saying is real.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Oh, or when you talk to the audience and they make up a silly lie.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

No, no, the um uh the axe backstage, that's the issue I'm having with. The issue I'm having.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

I don't know what to do about that, really, Harriet.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

No, it's happened a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Eating fish oil get really clever.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I did as a child, and it hasn't worked. I would love the fishy burps of codlin royal.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Loved it. I honestly worry because I uh my brain is not good. It's like a menstrual sponge. It's like that, just a big bloody sponge. And I um think about that menstrual sponge. Sponges like that, natural sponges are like actual creatures, aren't they? They're like living creatures.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Yeah, this is what I'm not understanding. What so I would see a sponge going about its life in the sea.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

I don't know whether they're like that. But anyway, it's dead and then it gets used up to anyway. But I never had any fish or because I grew up vegetarian and my child I'm worried that it's really messed with my head because I'm terrible, I'm so forgetful, I'm so bad. My brain.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Hmm. So what do you think is the so but can you like it? Can you like the oil of a little nut or something? A little nut. A little flax seed.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

That's what you're meant to have. No, it's especially especially with your guts, in my experience.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yeah. So what's the answer what's the answer? But then it could be, do you think with us, which is quite bleak, that because we've been on a lot of ment mental m medication, that that hasn't helped? I know, I don't know, because I'm so messed up. I'm so 'cause I'm very forgetful when I worry I've got oh early stage something.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

I know, but then could it be perimenopause? I think for me, it could be depressed.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yes, because I saw this uh this post the other day about um that you if you can't uh because if I've had, you know, I like me, sloshy red wine, and lately I've had excuse me, who's this racket out here? Kickoff Harriet keep it down. That Amy, on the way here, I was what Rich just said. It's gotta be loud if you can hear it. He's got he's taking the piss now. So the old old little denim over there. But um on the way, do you know what? Because you know I've well I've now got to go to a what's it called? A travel help me course because of my because of Rich ruining my life last week and I got the ticket. But they were it turns out they were scaremongering me, and it that they're not giving me six points on a thousand pounds. So you can do a course. I could do a course, even though it will be my third course, and I've been started to try and I've driven since 2019.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

He but um went on one of those courses, and a woman had been speeding with our horse and carriage. What do you mean on the motorway? No doubt. I think down a country lane she'd been going too fast on a car.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

That's not real. That is real. Oh, so she's so the speed camera's gone off. Oh my god, once a speed camera went off when I was walking, but I think it might have been broken. I'm like, was it? Me.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I went on one of those courses and you had to do like this questionnaire, and I was on this table with these guys and this woman, and I thought, oh mate, everyone laughed, I was bored. And it had questions like, Why were you speeding? Why blah blah blah? And so I was like, Because I'm a toat, how do you normally drive while crying? All this stuff, and then the man came round and started looking at them all, and I was having to scribble it out.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

But do but because the late the person last time I did it would like threaten if you were trying to make a joke out of it. She she was like, Oh well, we won't pass you because this man went mad at her because people are so stupid, it's just angry old men and me, and then and then people uh like at the beginning of the course they were just livid with thinking that she was somehow responsible for the but anyway. I realised today that it is um it's not my fault or rich's, it's middle lane hoggers because I'm only speeding to overtake these stupid people middling middling around in in the middles, which is when I'm having to speed. So, but there was this old man at the first course I did, and he was like bloody middle lane hoggers, and I was like, Oh my god, I've bec I've become him. And then at the end of the course they go, What have you taken from this? What are you gonna do in the future? And he goes, I'm moving to Italy. Yeah, so I often wonder he was so angry. So now I've got to do the course on Thursdays. Three hours. That's so long. Is it online or is it in person? I wouldn't do it in person. No, I think I think that they because last time I tried to do that, they weren't having any of it. Oh, I definitely did that. I got bored.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Thing is, I didn't do it on purpose. I'm not like a real super speedy person, I'm just an idiot, and it was just a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

It is confusing. I imagine we're quite similar when it goes from 70 to 50 to six, it's just and then and it's late at night, we're trying to get home.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

I said to the man, this is true. I said to him that I've said this in my set, but it is properly true that I kept going to the toilet, came back, and he said, Why were you speeding, Amy? Because he was annoyed, because I kept going to the toilet. And I said, I told the truth. I said, Oh, I was driving past the churchyard where all my dad's family are buried. Like a lot of them were alcoholics, a lot of them had mental health problems. One of them died of cancer when she was really young, and the man went, It's multiple choice, and none of them were that.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

So, this is like your quiz that you did for us. So, what what answer did you go for?

SPEAKER_01 19:30

I can't remember. I think I just sat down, but I um that is why. That's the answer. I was distracted because I every time I drive past this churchyard and all my family are buried there.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah, my dad, if I if ever I go anywhere in Cornwall, dad's always there like a tall guide, and he's like, Oh, yeah, you you great aunt, second removed dog is buried there, and this is there, and that's that.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

We went there and um loads of the the the gravestones for my dad's family had sunk into the ground, and my dad wanted us to find them, and everyone's back was bad that I was with. So I ended up having to get a big stick and start digging in a graveyard for gravestones. Like some kind of ghoul.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

What? But but how sunk? So they they were completely.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

They were right, they were just all overgrown. They've not it's like an old really old church that no one really looks after it. No, that's sad. Yeah, it is, but it's the way of all flesh, Harriet. Werewolf flesh. The way of all flesh. The way of all flesh, not all werewolf flesh. That's something different.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Ay ay. Um, so uh what have you been up to this week?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Well, Harriet, I have actually done something social, family social, but still social. I went away to Devon for my dad's 70th. That's lovely. And because it's me, got in the car, I find it so, so hard uh getting ready to go places. It stresses me out like nothing else. I get organising and just the whole thing. I find it very overstimulating and stressful. Got in the car with the kids, and I thought, I forgot my dad's birthday card, and I thought that's alright, because I was gonna forget something, and if it's gonna be something, birthday card's fine. Got to Devon, unpacked everything, and realised I'd forgotten all of mine and my daughter's clothes.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

And we were there for what, three nights? You didn't even have a birthday card to wrap her in. I didn't have a birthday card. I did have the presents, didn't have any clothes. I did have clothes for my youngest daughter, but Abbott, numb for me and Selma.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Are you there wearing the only daughter you've got you've you've packed clothes for? So you're in these.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I was wearing the six year old's clothes.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Happy birthday, Dad What a nightmare. So was the stuff packed in a left bag?

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Yeah. So what I did is because I um so I Sort of felt like I had to be a good better person. So I had to even give my existing clothes to my youngest child. So she wore my t-shirt as a nighty, and then I wore my mum's a spare t-shirt of my mum's because obviously she was organised that was too small because she's smaller than me, and some knickers she let me. Then I wore my swimsuit for quite a lot of the time. There was a hot tub. It's pretty skanky to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

What this is typical Amy Mason. Typical Amy Mason.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

But we had a lovely time. We played a good quiz, actually, where we played a quiz about my dad, which I would recommend doing on someone's birthday if it's a big birthday. So what do you mean? So you lost questions. My brother wrote it actually, and he asked questions like who knows dad best and he'd asked questions. One of the best ones was he asked, name five different disasters that dad has had on his boat. He's got a boat, my dad. And that sounds very posh, but it's not a yacht, it's just a small sailing boat. And all of us, bearing in mind there were like four teams, got five different ones. Because he's had so many disasters.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

What what are his disasters? Like I went on it with him when I was about 12 and he fell out. We were going really fast sailing. Well, the wind was really he fell out of the boat, and I was on it on my own when I was 12, and he was trying to he was trying to crawling to catch up. He um he he was trying to uh like sand it and he put uh he was sanding with like a sanding block and sandpaper, wet and dry sandpaper. And uh it was only when he'd been doing it for absolutely ages he looked and he realised that rather than the sanding block, he'd wrapped up his brand new work phone in sanding paper and was dipping it in and out of a bucket of water. That's insane. Yeah, he's worse than me about stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

And everyone got five each.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

It was never ending.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

That's great. Can we have a list of them for next time?

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah. He uh he sailed right into the whole electricity pole for the whole of the boat club and like knocked out all the electricity.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Oh my god, that's like out of a film. I know.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

It was out of brilliant. It was brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

My my dad bought that there was this my dad lives by a river, and there was this um uh this boat called uh this tiny dilapidated called the Phantom 17, and there was a sign on it says free to a good home. So my dad was like, we'll have that. And then um uh so then he couldn't afford an engine, so he went sports direct and bought an one of those those oars that is in one, and then um, and then I don't know why he didn't get in it, maybe because it's too small, but my brother went in it, got swept out to sea. Um dad was just there taking a photo putting it on socials rather than rescuing.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

You know what? You've told me so many photos where your dad leaves your brother in peril.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah, my brother and my yeah, that's that's their relationship, really. Dad puts my brother in peril, and then my brother's furious. And my brother's like very gentle and sweet, but that he'll like like when dad dad locked Joe out and then went to bed, didn't know that he'd locked Joe out. Joe had to go stay at his girlfriends, then he came back the next day to um because he needed to go to work, and dad still had locked him out, and then uh but dad was just completely unaware, and then Joe ended up breaking into the house and then and then just said, You are such a cunt, but dad had no idea. Dad had no idea what had happened, and then Joe's just calling him and my dad's like bewildered, but Joe was furious.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

We got um towed home, me and my dad, twice in one day by the Coast Guard, twice in one day, once they did it, took us all the way back in. They were like, Okay, good, go home and have a cup of tea. Did we hack? My dad was like, Nope, going out again, out again, towed home again. Your dad needs to learn. He's been on a lot of courses. This is this is what I said to him. At least not many people know how they're gonna die. So is he still on the boat? Oh, he goes on the boat all the time. Oh my god. And none of the family, we all if it's no one goes with him anymore. No, it's like going to Walton Towers, but you might actually die. Good lord.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Well, um, I was gonna say, but but you can't go around my house at the minute because the lift's broken if you come with the girls. It's been broken for like three weeks. What floor do you live on? Fourth. Oh yeah. Um, but I was thinking, because I love crab fishing, and there's the jetty, like because I live by the harbour, don't I? And there's that jetty bit which I think would be accessible. But are crabs there? Well, we could see. In the river. Surely, in Cornwall, I've I'm catching 30 in an hour in a river.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

I used to go crab in Darlene Pool, and it was really sweet actually. I love that age of girl when you're like, we were like 12, 13, so you can just allow to go out on your own. Yeah. Um, sort of like adolescent, but you still want to do really fun, stupid child stuff. So me and my friends used to go crabbing, like we were like 13 years old, you know. It was so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Yeah, we but you and did you use bacon?

SPEAKER_01 27:32

We used to use cat food. Oh. We're vegetarian I'm a vegetarian, but I had cat food, so we put it on the but but bacon, Amy is the key.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Is it? Yeah, they just can't, it brings all the crabs to the yard. It does. They'd love they'd love to go crabbing with girls. Let's sort that out. Right. We uh so we've got a couple so have we said what have I been on? Did I say what I'd done? No. What have I done? I went uh to the I I went to Birmingham and I went to a lovely we didn't go to Ming Moon like we always do, which is good because we always do that. So I met Lindsay and we met uh Darren Harriet, you know him, yeah, and we went to uh for Japanese, which was great, and it was all you can eat, but they but you don't have to get up. They just you do you know Argos, you like tick what you want on the thing, leave it on the corner of the table, and then they bring it, and it's sort of like Japanese tapa sort of stuff. That sounds great. It was great, and then and really delicious, great quality, apart from the chicken kebab things. I didn't like them because I don't like thy meat, but that wouldn't bother you. Um and then we went to a place called the Lucky Claw.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

What's that?

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Oh, where you Yeah. And we the well, me and Lindsay. Did you get anything? Well, yeah, but we you get tokens. Me and Lindsay got 160 tokens for 50 quid, so so 50 quid? So we got stuff, but like I spent 50 fucking quid.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

It's mad, isn't it, when you go to those places, you're like, wow, I did so well, and you've won like a fidget toy like that that would cost like literally like you get in a pack of like a hundred outsty, you know?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

For 10p. But but I got loads of stuff, so then and then I carried it back on the train and my big loot.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

I used to bunk off school and go to the one in Bournemouth. Used to go to the uh the um peer amusements with my friend.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

But this was like a it they they and a man would come round and if if you hadn't won from a bit, he'd open the machine and then put stuff on the edge and stuff to help you think he took a shine to me, because he only did it with me. Does that take the fun out of it? A little, yeah. Because that's why. Did you see the video where I won a pe a capabara pencil case for Lindsay's daughter?

SPEAKER_01 29:47

My daughters are obsessed with capabaras.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Oh, if I'd have known, I would have got you one.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

It's so weird that animals, like you don't realize until you've got kids that there's like trends for different animals, and it's like no one can start a trend for an animal, but suddenly like unicorns used to be fashionable, and then it became like what was it then? Can't remember. It was unicorns, and now it's capabaras.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Yeah, they've got very round heads. My kids love them.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

When we were my brother's girlfriends, it's so nice, and when we were on away at the weekend, she bought 33. She's like you actually, she bought a pack of 33 capabaras, and she worried the girls would be bored, so she hid them around the house so they could find capabaras, like tiny little capobaras. She's so sweet. We went on this EXMO safari. This woman came. Oh, she's this woman came and drove us around EXMO. Um was this last week? Yeah, in a Land Rover uh to like look at nature. We only we didn't see it very much, but the girls loved it. Um we could do so little walking in the countryside and going out. My youngest daughter went, what are those people doing? They're just walking along. She didn't know that people went for walks in the country. That's bad, innit?

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Yeah, but you've I mean my daughter's other daughter's disabled too.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

That's my excuse, but I probably would have been crap anyway. But um, my brother's girlfriend, we saw a pheasant and she went to the woman, what do pheasants like to do with their time? Isn't that nice? What did she say? What do you mean? They like eat and she was like, No, but what do they like doing?

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Yeah, I feel like they just like um wandering on the road. Yeah, getting killed. Yeah. Bless their souls. Right, let's have a um sorry, you didn't finish what you were saying. That was it. Claurin uh chlorine Japanese food. I think you've won again. Although, does it Lindsay would go down if we can switch his family?

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Yeah, she would say that.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Right. So uh listener write in. What am I doing? Of a listener. I always do that. I go to look for something and then I sit down. I get distracted by my phone. Hello, wondrous social moths. I recently enjoyed listening to your social faux pas episode and thought I'd share a faux pas of my own, a dating faux pas. Perhaps you could consider my faux pas and provide me with some love life advice moving forward. I don't know if either of us is the right person for that.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

Absolutely not, but anyway, we'll give it a go.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Yeah, I recently went on a first date with a very eligible eligible eligible. Eligible bull eligible Michael B.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Black.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Eligible Elegible man Eligible Eligible man who was somewhat of a comedian of his own. The reason this man as if he's saying that word again. The reason this man was so eligible was because of his ridiculous humour. Our conversations leading up to the date were outrageous, hysterical, and actually quite fucking offensive. I thought I had finally found someone as outwardly deranged as me and I was loving it. We found ourselves in the corner of my local pub for our first date. Conversation was flowing and so were the giggles. He was equally as funny in person as he was online. Halfway through the date, he gives me a tour of his jewellery.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

His jewel there are a few red flags there, I'm gonna say, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Really? Wait a minute, do you want to do them after? Yeah. I comment on his necklace, which has a pretty ring hanging from it. He explained this ring was a gift from his nan. Fast forward a few hours and a few neck oils later, we're now in the beer garden watching silly TikToks on my phone. The pub was closing and we were asked to leave, where I jokingly said we should continue to watch TikToks together, but in my bed. He quickly obliges and we proceed in full gallop towards the bus stop. It's a bit of an anticlimax, isn't it? Bus stop. Yeah. Once we arrive back at mine, there was no TikTok scrolling to be had. Straight to the bedroom, straight to the action. Mid cardio, the ring attached to his necklace gets caught in my mouth. Still in full swing, I grab the necklace and gently pull on it to release the ring. At this moment, we're about to reach. Given our previous hilarious and diabolical conversation, as I removed the ring from his mouth, I thought it appropriate and funny to explain. Shout out to Yinan in a chabby accent, thinking he would find this absolutely hysterical. Unfortunately for me, our pinnacle was not to be reached. He did in fact not find this funny and instead very quickly exited the action and my bedroom very soon after I came to find out that his nan had actually passed away very recently and that they were really close. A key detail he forgot to include when giving me a tour of his jewellery. So social moths, moving forward, do you think I should avoid mentioning relatives altogether during sex or just mentioning dead relatives during sex? Do you have any words of advice for the singles who are hoping to find a s funny, silly man in their lives? P.S. We are both men in the story.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

I there's a lot to do. I'd love to know how that man tells that story to his friends.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

If you are that man, could you write in?

SPEAKER_00 35:42

Yes. Also, I think it's like so they've not they've not they don't speak then because of that.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

That's just funny.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

Yeah. That's a shame because it sounds like they were really good for each other, other than that. I would if if that was the end of the day, but they were really feeling each other, I would have m I'd message and go, like, I'm ever so sorry about that. Uh I'll never mention that again. And that would be a funny story for the future. Yeah. So is that so can you tell us what happened?

SPEAKER_01 36:16

I think you're alleged. Yeah. And I think they sound not good. So, oh yeah, so what was the red flag? Well, I'll just you said he seemed like a bit of a comedian. I'm always a bit suspicious.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Oh, but that's not that's a red flag for you, Amy, who's not going out with this gay guy.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Well, I didn't know that they were gay. If I'd known that they were gay, that would have been less of a red flag. I see, I see.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

Yeah, so well, I think he still sounds quite good. They still sound good for each other. So let us know what happened with that. And then uh moving forward, I just don't think we're the right people to ask. I live my partner's three and a half hours away in Amy's.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

I'm saying I've been single for ages, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

But um, where do people meet people? Online, yeah, and that's bleak, isn't it? I imagine it's got worse in the ten years I've not been on.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Women, so I mean, looking at I date women and I've been on oh, it's so bad because I live in Bristol, so it's not a massive load of women on there at my age, and it's just all like people who like nature.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah, Bristol with that's really whittling down of specifics.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

Yeah, because I don't drink, so what I want is someone who doesn't drink or doesn't drink very much, but is not really healthy.

unknown 37:46

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:46

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I want someone who's like a laugh and maybe bedridden. Bedridden! That's a good one, actually.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Looking for a bed-ridden ex-alcoholic that that likes the idea of nature. That's what you need, Amy. You're welcome. Yeah, right, and if it is that it, I think you're the moth, uh, you're the butterfly again.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

No, well, you went out to somewhere with Lindsay, and I bet that's with Lindsay, and it doesn't count because it's well with Baron as well. Oh, right then I think you win because mine was with my family.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

And I did win loads of stuff. I should have bought my goodies with me. There's loads. Loads, loads, loads. There was a massive capoeira, actually. Anyway, thank you. Um see you again. Uh please fill out the form for social propas and leave a lovely review. Uh Bon Voyage. Goodbye.