Social Moths

The Squatter

• Amy Mason, Harriet Dyer, Lindsey Santoro

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0:00 | 38:30

In this episode of Social Moths, Harriet and Amy reunite while Lindsay enjoys a well-earned holiday, sending in a chaotic voice note from Cornwall that sparks conversations about caravan holidays, arcades, seaside nostalgia, and whether Rich should be banished to an outdoor toilet.

The pair share stories about gambling addictions, scratch cards, casinos, and the strange psychology of never scratching a winning ticket because the dream is better than reality. They also dive into some truly unbelievable tales involving homeless strangers, stolen televisions, unexpected house guests, and one of Harriet’s most disastrous attempts at helping someone in need.

Plus, there’s a listener dilemma about friendship anxiety, feeling invisible in group chats, and the fear of saying the wrong thing - leading to a heartfelt discussion about shyness, overthinking, and finding your people.

As always, it’s a mix of comedy, chaos, vulnerability, and wildly unexpected stories that somehow all make perfect sense in the world of Social Moths. 

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Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph


Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0


Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==


Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

SPEAKER_03

I can't spread my wings cuz I'm in social moths. Okay, come along.

SPEAKER_01

So welcome to Social Moths. Is that my camera there the way I'm meant to look? Welcome to Social Moths, uh the podcast where we talk about getting out of the house. My name is Amy Mason.

SPEAKER_03

My name is Harriet Dyer, and her name was Lindsay Santoro, but she is still lost at sea. Like Harold Bishop when he came back three years ago. She's practicing the tuba. Practicing the tuba.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I can th I can imagine Lindsay with a tuba.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, she's so loud. It would be brummy. A brummy tuber. Yeah. Dive it.

SPEAKER_02

Wow.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's a I have a fit. You know, if your lips vibrate, it puts me on edge.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think my lips have ever vibred.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, if you go and your lips vibrate, does it make you feel gross? No. Well, good for you. So welcome. Uh we have a voice note from our beloved, which says we haven't heard which Lindsay's on holiday. Lindsay's on holiday. Uh we couldn't make it work because we're all busy. Well, you're going to Greece. I'm going to Stockholm. Yeah. So we fucking nightmare getting their flights to go to Stockholm. Have you been there before? No, never. Have you?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_01

I've been to the south of Sweden. I've been to Malmo a couple of times. Oh like the sweet. No, that's Malm. Malm. Malm, I don't know. Not Malmo, I don't think it is.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, here is she. Oh wait, stop. Stop. It's in my hearing aids. Good lord. Pardon? Oh yeah, Amy, do you want to do it? Yeah, where is it? Yeah, it's in the group. Bloody hell. That was overwhelming.

unknown

I'm not there to die.

SPEAKER_03

Do you do that?

unknown

Hello, Richard. I'm sending you a podcast because I am not there to die.

SPEAKER_01

A podcast? What's he on about?

SPEAKER_00

I'm carmal. I've been to fentanyl. I've been on the mountain. I've been to the bait. I'm currently talking about woman too. And um Japanese oil can a hurry said that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then we took all the same place. That's it, that's enough, isn't it? Talk about that what you will. How do you feel about arcades? Do you want to go on a caravan holiday with me? Not you, Rich, the ladies. We can come if you want if you drive.

SPEAKER_01

Not Rich.

SPEAKER_03

I um shall we all go on a caravan holiday?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'd like to do that.

SPEAKER_03

We could put Rich in an out toilet next door. Are we?

SPEAKER_01

I think this is vagging on bullying. But he is handsome. I'm still going.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I think that would be great. Because I went to uh uh what happened? Something on S Burren on Burnham on Sea. I went that Lindsay was staying there, and then I went to visit and we went to the arcades and then I went back to their caravan. It was very luxurious.

SPEAKER_01

Why were you were you gigging there though? You just went there to see her.

SPEAKER_03

Uh yeah, well uh yeah. She was there on holiday. She said, Do you want to go? Because she wanted to see the witch at Cheddar Gauze.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So then I went there. I think this was before we did the podcast, wasn't it? Uh went there and then I was ready to go, and she because I get I never do double social things really. So then she goes, Oh, well, do you want to meet us at Go Seaside? And I was panicked, but then it was fine and it was fun. Once I get gambling, I'm having a great time. So we used to definitely do that. I got a scratch card yesterday. Did you win?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I won one pound. Sometimes I will buy a scratch card and then not uh scratch it because then the dream is over.

SPEAKER_01

I scratched it outside the post office and then I thought that would look so pathetic. One of the school mums, I'm right near the school, walk past. There I was on my own scratching the scratchy at like four o'clock in the afternoon.

SPEAKER_03

Well, because I uh the because now you know all the banks are shot, so you have to go to the post office to sort your bank stuff out. And then um I was in the queue posting that and the the ladies in the but they're so bitchy, these ladies in the post office, and they were like um they were whinging because a woman had taken out her like what's it like her benefits for her kids and then just got spent it all in fucking lottery scratch cards.

SPEAKER_01

That's bad, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_03

Double little nothing. Yeah. Uh hello anyway. Uh that was quite dark. Well, we didn't do it. Amy's the gambler. I have I ever told you about that. I I had to ban myself from a casino. Did you? Yeah. And then I get too addicted with stuff. Me too.

SPEAKER_01

And I'd spent all very similar personalities.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And I spent all my student loan out on the casino all on red, and then uh so then I had to ban myself. Then years later, I did a gig in a Grovesner casino and then signed up because I had to I had to sign up to get in to do the gig. And they went, wait a minute, you're on the system, and there's me gurning a photo from like 15 years previous that's come up wearing a castle main beer bandana. Can you believe that? That's that's mortifying, that is.

SPEAKER_01

A castle main beard bandana. I would kill to see that photo. I used to go to the casino too because it was the only place you could drink really late. Yeah. And they bring you sandwiches. Yeah. And it was like three pounds for a vodka martini, and they were really good. And I used to drink them and thinking I was James Bond demanding cheese sandwiches. Um, but uh yeah, I love I used to love the casino, and um it's so fun, it's fun.

SPEAKER_03

See, this is why I love the grabbers so much because it's very minimal gambling. Because it started, well, we went to like a a mine music, like a mine in common some sort of mined tin mine, and then there was bizarre an arcade at the uh at the end of the mine, and then I remember I was wearing combat trousers um on a school trip, and from then I got the taste for the two P machines, and and but I had such skinny arms that I put my hand up the 2P machine and then sweeped all the so my combats were just filled with 2Ps, and mum was like, Harry, why are you walking so slow? And I said, I'm literally full of two Ps.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't know that you'd be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but this was I mean it was in a tin mine. So much fun, so much fun.

SPEAKER_01

I get very addicted to things, and uh yeah, I I would love to see that photo. No, I used to go to the it was when I lived in London and there was nothing open late. You were right in the centre of London.

SPEAKER_03

You think everyone assumes in London because whenever I've stayed there for gigs and stuff, I'm like, right, let's go. But there must be places, but you must really have to know, like a Chinatown or something. But yeah, I've always been very disappointed, but especially when like after gigs, you want to go drinking and stuff. No, and everyone's like, oh, it's last orders. What? We're in the big smoke.

SPEAKER_01

I know, I know, not all it's cracked up to be. No, it's not Bristol. There uh so Bristol's getting a bit less like that, but um it used to yeah, places were just open forever. There's this place called the Star and Garter. I don't know if it's still there, and you it was just literally open like 24 hours. It's absolute mess of place, it was good fun though, and um but Bristol, it's funny, like, because the police know not to get involved in anything because everyone will just kick off. There was this big rave not long ago. Were you in Bristol then? There was this rave, and it was so loud this rave in the old screw fix that you could hear it like all over Bristol, and then the police knew they couldn't shut it down because everyone would go mad, there'd be a riot. So the police just turned up and just hanging out there. What? Yeah, the police were just there, like out of it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's like um when I had like my little mental health community space. In fact, I was thinking about it when I was in the toilet because the toilets here are so clean, they're wonderful, they always smell great. Sometimes I I walk in and I think I'm pretty sure someone's had a poo, but you wouldn't know. No, you wouldn't know. Because it smells lovely. So, but the toilet, have I ever told you about the toilets in my little community space?

SPEAKER_01

Do you think you could eat something that would mean that your poo wouldn't smell nasty?

SPEAKER_03

I wonder if you put uh if you put uh minty if you just completely did t t no, that's just your mouth. No, I think you'd have something. Maybe if you ate a bathroom. Why a bath um? Because then it would come out and fizz in the in the bowl, toilet bowl. That would be quite fun.

SPEAKER_01

People do people eat glitter, don't they? I've seen that people eat glitter.

SPEAKER_03

Have you seen that? I don't know if it's AI, those videos where the there's toddlers in the bath and there's this bath bomb, and it goes like red, it's all different colours, and then suddenly a little plastic turtle pops out, and the kids are like their minds are blown. And mine is blown as an adult.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, AI.

SPEAKER_03

I'd reckon it is AI.

SPEAKER_01

It's just giving me a headache. Yeah, I never know what's AI, what's not AI.

SPEAKER_03

I've shared videos before thinking.

SPEAKER_01

I forget AI exists. That's how old I am. That I forget it exists. It always takes me by surprise.

SPEAKER_03

I always say to Marvin, watch out in the sea, there's all sorts of creatures, and he's like, That is AI. Anyway, so at my old mental health community space, there was like there would often you go to the toilet, there's just a turd on the floor, and then yeah, I think I've said about this before, and then the landlord who was a fraudster would be like, How do I know you haven't done it if ever I complained? And how would we move forward with someone like that? Anyway, my point was that um they they would so it was you were supposed to Imagine putting on the floor and then complaining about it. Exactly. That's like the ultimate gaslighting, isn't it? So then so every little space was like something else, something else. So opposite me, there was like a dildo uh warehouse and stuff like that. And then um uh what's my point there? Oh yeah, but obviously you weren't allowed to have a rave, and then during lockdown, someone just like just used the building for a rave, and and then like my door was smashed, everything there was just like you get there, there was just like baggies everywhere, the neighbours were complaining, wanted to shut us down because because well, because it's like on it's near houses and everyone's just like that uh raving during lockdown.

SPEAKER_01

It must have been very stressful having a mental health community space.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, it was. This is quite offensive, what I'm about to say, but one year I was open for people that didn't have anyone on Christmas Day. By the middle of the day, I realised why a lot of people don't have anyone on Christmas Day. It was absolutely yeah, it was really difficult. There's a lot to take on and out, but it was also very it was very special in a way, you know. The memories and a lot of some of them aren't with us anymore, and I do feel quite sad about that. Um, and it really was an experience, but yeah, it was it was tough, especially on Christmas Day. Yeah, and I miss I miss my family on Christmas Day. Do you go to your family on Christmas Day?

SPEAKER_01

Do you go to Well, me and my ex-husband, we uh yeah, we normally have Christmas Day together with the children. That's nice. And then we'll take it, we'll like one of us will go on boxing day to one of our parents and we'll be there.

SPEAKER_03

That's what we do. When dad's w went off with a man, we would then we'd have you told that story on here. Yeah, surely. So then, well that's it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so then I moved to Greece.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, no, no. He he he wanted to move to Greece forever, but it didn't work out. But he went before he went to Greece, he he moved in with a man in like right by my college. Oh god. So then I How did they meet each other?

SPEAKER_01

Sauna.

SPEAKER_03

One can only imagine, because he was married. Where did you meet Paul Dad, you rascal? So then but then it'd be because he was doing because he he's he worked for a theatre that used ticket masters, so he would go off on like ticket conventions if that is their real name. So anyway, what was my point there? Oh yeah, Boxing Day. So then we'd go, so then we'd go to theirs on Boxing Day. They had the nicest garden. I often think about their garden, it was so lovely, but what was not lovely was you you'd go to the toilet and there would just be like mucky magazines at the the yeah, so we go and poor mum, she was like devastated not having that's that's the sad part, isn't it? So it's so good that you and um uh yeah, that they that you can be with each other on Christmas Day, whereas so many families, you know, are just that must be really hard for the one that isn't with the kids on yeah, for the for the day. Yeah, anyway, what was it what was well how are we?

SPEAKER_01

As the extra special does a real service to me and my family at Christmas Day, let me tell you that much.

SPEAKER_03

What do you mean? Their food that one in we were talking about that, weren't we?

SPEAKER_01

As the Bedminster. Um they used to have a section on Radio One where they talk about Esther Bedminster, like what people had seen in As the Bedminster. Yeah. I swear to God, because it is full of chaos. I was there a homeless woman, yeah. Homeless woman outside that, or an unhoused person, as they say these days, or an maybe that's American. She asked, I said, Do you want me to get you anything? It was cold, it was winter, and she said, Yeah, you can get me some meat. I'm vegetarian, and she said, I can cook it on I've got a little place and I can cook it. And um I said, Oh, what meat? And she went, a chicken. Ugh. Chicken because it was I thought about it and I thought I can't say I'm vegetarian. I don't agree with that. Like, what a twat. So I went into the asdraw, I know nothing about meat, and I was gonna get like an organic good one, and it's really expensive, so I didn't. Um so I got just a cheap shit one, felt bad, sorry, chicken, and um took it out, gave it to this woman. She was like, Thank you. I went to really heck yeah. Went to the charity shop or somewhere, probably. Came back and she was, I swear to god, using it as a pillow. It was refrigerated, not frozen. If it was frozen, it would have been very uncomfortable. I think she was gonna take it to cook it, but for that moment just used it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, have a little nap. Dearie me.

SPEAKER_01

I got I get asked, it's awful. Ask somebody what they want. Often they say backy, and that's really expensive. The other day, a man asked me for a can of cider and I went and got it for him, but that's a bottle of cider.

SPEAKER_03

But have you do you have it where they that they'll do some sort of odd equation? So they'll go, Can you I've got this, can you give me this? So then I've got the and then I've I assume that it's such a confusion that you go, oh just have that. Because the the like once a guy was like, Can I come in the shop because I was going into Tesco's, can I come into Tesco's with you, give you this money, and then you get me a whiskey, and that and I'm like, Can I just give you some money? And he's like, Oh no, no, because you might as well do that. The next thing you know, I'm doing a bloody full shop with a man with with a homeless man with an unhoused gentleman with me. But then I thought I told you no when I got cuckooed in Manchester. What happened? Oh, well, I let a man uh that I basically it all started when I was in crew and then I smoked at the time. He asked me for a cigarette, I only had one left, so I said no, I've only got one left. Then I felt so bad that I ended up giving him some money, and then he and then we just got on really well, and then he came with me on the train to I don't know why he and and then and then the ticket person come was gonna kick him off, so I paid for his train ticket, then we went, then we were in Manchester, then he wanted a meal deal, so I bought him a meal deal, and then I was staying uh away to uh to Newcastle to do the stand comedy gigs, and um uh so I was like, Oh well you might you I my flat is going I don't have anyone in my flat yet.

SPEAKER_01

I know we were doing stand-up at the time. The stand is like quite a good club to do, so you were that this can't have been that long ago.

SPEAKER_03

Well like 20 maybe 12 and then yeah, so he was in he was in my house and then he wouldn't let me back in. So it's like a whole thing. I've never thought he wouldn't let you back in! Oh no, it was like a whole thing, yeah. I got into loads of trouble about it.

SPEAKER_02

Why did you do that?

SPEAKER_03

That was one of the reasons in the other in the last place I was stressed because there was a lady colouring outside in Bristol, and I was like, it's only a matter of time before I let her in my tiny studio. You let him in.

SPEAKER_01

This has turned into a two true crime podcast. You let him in.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and then I came back, and then but I didn't have his phone number because he didn't have one, and then I was just like knocking, and then he wouldn't he wouldn't let me in. And then in the end, I had to go to the landlord, but they were crooks anyway. But um, well they were furious, and I had to pay like obviously I lost my deposit and all of that, and then I got all my and then I had to pay. So did you get the police? No. I have a habit sometimes of burying my head in the sand because they were like, Well, you can't you you're not allowed back, even if because you've I've broken my tenancy by um inviting a like obviously uh he hasn't been checked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Not a bastard though. I guess he was an addict or something, but that's so mean.

SPEAKER_03

Well, the weird thing is as well, I saw him about two years later and he came running over to me and hugged me.

SPEAKER_01

He'd probably forgotten.

SPEAKER_03

Forgotten that he like I I lost like six months worth of rent and uh uh and deposit in that. Thing is, this is time and my stuff, all my belongings. Oh my god, Maria. Yeah, and you know I love my trainers. Yeah, you lost them. Oh, that's such a sad story. I'm quite a light traveller because all my stuff all went.

SPEAKER_01

I can't believe that happened to you. Yeah, so uh why do we say that? Once I was living in a shared house and um we never locked the door because I think we lost the key as soon as we moved in. No, and no, truthfully. Where was this? In Pool actually it's happened to me twice. In Pool and Exeter, we I both lost the key as soon as we moved in and just left the door open. And then when I was at Exeter, um someone came in and stole the telly and we didn't know it's for absolutely ages.

SPEAKER_03

What do you mean, ages, weeks or months?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I don't remember we were really stoned all the time. Suddenly we just won't tell me. Suddenly we were like, When was the last time you watched the TV? And they were like, Oh, not since whenever. Somebody had just gone in and stolen it. Another time somebody came and slept in our bed. We came back from a club and somebody was asleep in our bed in the bedset.

unknown

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01

Actually, that was so it's happened three times with the key.

SPEAKER_03

Did I ever tell you about my uh dear friend Lou Conran? She, um, her friend was she would in a house, uh househair but just two of them um and uh she would get home from work and there was like sweets sweet wrappers in the bed and she was like to the other person can you stop eating sweets in my bed you fucking weirdo and uh the guy was like I have no idea what you're talking about and then she was like oh that's weird and then it would happen again and she's like what have I told you and then but he was like completely bewildered and then she ended up this happened alone she ended up setting up a camera the concierge was coming into the a flat and having orgies with sweet uh with people and sweets with people and sweets have you had that Rich was honestly can say no um why did they need sweets I don't know maybe it was like I feel like it was energy getting put the worthers out yeah how old was this guy oh he was old yeah he was old that makes sense but it's take his teeth out yeah mental god yeah so uh what a thing to happen yeah I've not um I've not really done much this week but I was wondering if I could do because I don't think I mentioned when I had did I mention when I had Rob Copland's day and then we went to vintage shops and the burger place. No I love Rob Coplan's wonderful we're gonna we've got a gig with him tomorrow night haven't we? Oh yeah I'm doing your gig yeah I haven't written anything God knows what I'm gonna talk about let's wait and see yeah let's wait and see like are you going to pretend to be an otter now you're welcome I think I'm gonna get two of an otter oh dear Harriet what do you mean oh dear so I said thanks for that idea oh yeah oh yeah so we'll see him tomorrow we went to vintage shops the vintage shops were fucking dreadful so expensive when did this become a thing vintage means old I know I could have told you it was charity shops to go to that's what I mean well I'm gonna go with Donkey Lady we're gonna go I'm seeing her tonight we're gonna go because I haven't seen her in ages I don't even know if I've seen her this year I must have um so well so and we went you know Whopping Warf you know there's a place called Squeezed no the logo is a hand with a lemon so why would you go there because you think it sells lemons and then uh he Rob was like oh where's good he fancied a burger so he looked it's like the best reviewed burger place but it's called Squeezed and there's a picture of a lemon went there absolutely fantastic lemon in a bun. No no lemon in a bun. It was and then I said to Emma she was like she was like yeah that's that's like the best burger place and it was so good. I had a vegetarian one it was so delicious just so well seasoned and dill and so oh it was so fantastic and the chips were great it's so fancy there's well not really because it's in a shipping container. I know but it feels quite cool as well well I have to go indoors because I said I do not because I'd just uh not long been to Australia and saw Ian Smith's bit about a seagull grabbing a steak knife so oh and then there's seagulls all round there and because I'm from Cornwall I know the depths and perils of the gulls so I um saw Ian Smith the other day at gig he's really good Harriet said that you're nice and good it was good he was MC oh yeah he's very good he's been going forever so I remember when I started he was like headlining gigs and I was like wow he's so good so his latest bit I think uh it was on the ABC um I did an interview for Australian ABC that they got in touch with my agent and my agent was like it's this isn't Harriet Dye the actress and they were like we don't want Harriet Dye the actress they wanted me so slowly little steps in Australia you got quite a lot of reviews in uh didn't you in just one Australia I thought you got a couple oh Amy I had to sign up for a bloody um the newspaper just to read my review and then the newspaper was charging me £87 that has happened to me about 10 times I was paying for the Scottish Herald you it turns out only gave me three stars for about a year that's so bad and it was one of those ones where you think oh that gig was so good I'm gonna get five stars she bloody loved it and then so I'm signing up for the Herald and then that happened it's happened to me with the Scotsman for two years it's happened to me with every I think even the Times you didn't end up putting anything about me yeah do you know what though when it's like that when like what you say when people um where the gig's gone so good that is literally it's just the person's taste which isn't fair you should always take that out of the equation isn't it because we've all got like who we like who we don't like but you you people reviewers should be able to what's the word put that separate yeah separate you never know though do you sometimes you don't have a good one but the reviewer sees something oh yeah very true yeah very true once with trigger warning it was the biggest death and I got five star five stars tell them that inspiring story which I've told people at comedy course the one where you got one star and then you got live at the Apollo for yeah I always tell that to people on my course oh that's nice because I think that is the most inspiring thing Harriet got one star for a show and the same show somebody from Live at the Apollo came like a scouty person and booked her which is incredible innit yeah that is a lesson for us all and that uh well yeah so then the the because do you remember I tried to do it in in so the the the person that reviewed me was called like salt and pepper or something and then I thought Well they gave loads of people terrible reviews they were horrible they were notorious and then um I so then I thought the ultimate would be to use salt and pepper push it as my walk on music but I can get clearance for it.

SPEAKER_01

They were mad it was some woman and her husband they were just talking a load of shit. You get all these reviewers in Edinburgh who just set up to get free tickets to stuff I think yeah but they're just crap.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah I I teach you if I do a comedy course I show a clip of you that's lovely thank you because we talk about persona and and entrances entrances how people come on like intros don't eat the bit where you had the crab crab claws I show that Marvin uh when I did the Russell Howard hour Marvin I showed Marvin and Marvin goes why are you walking like that and then I because I'd practised my set so much but then forgot how to walk so it was like a thunder obviously no one knows how I walk so it was other than like Marvin and close friends so he was like I don't understand what's happened there and I was like oh I forgot how to walk because it's very nerve wracking I've never done any sally so nerve wracking and then you just like because we're mental you'll just convince yourself that you've forgotten how to speak beforehand.

SPEAKER_01

I had actually the worst I always thought I'd be quite good at doing TV and stuff. I think it's quite when you're new to it I sorry this is so boring on a podcast talk all about stupid things like this but I'm gonna anyway um when I got in the BBC regional final or whatever and they film you and I wasn't prepared they didn't really sort of explain what was going to happen. Suddenly they got a camera in your face and it was um overwhelming overwhelming yeah well what was that for the BBC comedy awards yeah that's exciting when was that oh that was like a couple of years ago I didn't get it was terrible gig such a bad gig I did so everyone did so badly pretty much apart from Naylan and Barbie she did really well but came off stage and somebody who I wanted to think I'd done quite well he was like a TV producer sort of looked at me and said do you want a drink? Like that and it was such a disaster I forgot I just never forget stuff but I forgot what I was saying it was just awful it's so easily done but then I bet you'll never do that again.

SPEAKER_03

I didn't so I stopped entering competitions that's what I did oh there you go right shall we have so what have you done I did something ages ago that I never spoke about so I've said that uh and then what did you say did you say did you do anything?

SPEAKER_01

I haven't done anything really hung up with my guinea pigs really just got so upset about the state of my house oh you know when you do it in where to start because it's in such a mess.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah store for I've got a cleaner coming round actually this afternoon to look at my house why don't you do you should do you know the TikTok things where they click and then the house is tidy you should do it where you click and then it's worse.

SPEAKER_01

I'd have to get AI to clean it oh is that what people do I don't know I need to start wearing you know like um virtual reality glasses where my house is clean that's a good idea VR but for your house but clean yeah but that's actually a really good idea for depressed women yeah but you've still got to you be walking around in your filth but with a lovely clean house in your head why not yeah but your kids still will have little VR headsets that's actually a good idea only the guinea pigs would know the truth no they could have little VR headsets will give VR headsets cats yeah like we can make the cats one colour because they only see them black and white blow their minds I think it's a good idea I do but it's a niche key right will you read it all right then okay right so it's back hi social moths I have a problem I'd love your heart with I have lots of genuinely cool friends and I'm constantly amazed they keep me around because from the outside I can probably seem grumpy aloof and like I can't be bothered this I wrote this one. The truth is I'm just really shy and have absolutely no idea how to act normal I did. The worst part group chats I'm rubbish at them. I'll sit there type out reply convince myself my sense of humour won't land in text form and then delete the whole thing. So I just go silent I probably look like I'm on red and ignoring everyone when actually I'm written and deleted about six responses and work myself into a spiral about it.

SPEAKER_03

In person I'm completely fine genuinely I promise but finding time to actually see people is hard so I'm stuck relying on the one format of friendship I'm terrible at essentially I care too much which makes me look like I don't care at all help I love the podcast well I think have you thought about voice notes great and then you're just sending it out and don't because well I came off Twitter because of this I was just Twitter it's the it used to make me so paranoid everyone's so clever and like political I'm so how much happier when I left Twitter.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah but like you'd have to write this really short thing and I'd always write it and then no one would like it and then I'd realise there was a spelling mistake and it would make me feel like you know when you're stoned and you're young and you're in a group full of older kids or older teenagers and you say something and it could just be like where's the toilet and then your old voice echoes around in your head and you want to throw yourself out the window that's how Twitter felt to me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah yeah and and there's there was once years ago like this comedians uh WhatsApp group and everyone was like chat chat chat chat chatting and then the moment I'd say anything no one would ever reply and I'm like that there's a group at the moment a women's comedy group and I always feel like I always feel like an idiot yeah now one reply I just feel I had to come come out of it because it's just sent me mad because they always replied to each other um so and so I don't know if I can give any advice because I leave these things because it stresses me out too much. I think if you find your people that you feel comfortable with it's alright but I do think voice notes yeah then because then you can put across because also in a voice note I'll be like oh that might sound like this but it's actually that in it because then you're explaining then you don't have to worry about how it's gonna look but I think group chats are weird for a lot of people I think is the conclusion that we're coming to yeah but if it's your dear friends and you like them they like you for you all to be in a group together.

SPEAKER_01

So I think you and they like you for who you are so as and you said like I still even worry like in our little social morse group I worry that I'm like talking too much or talking about irrelevant stuff. No. I think also because I ask for advice about stuff in that and I think sometimes it's getting quite deep now this is a different kind of podcast I think sometimes because I haven't got a partner I think I end up asking my talking to my friends about stuff that's doing my head in and stuff do you know what I mean whereas you probably talk to your partner about do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah oh Amy do say to us sorry I worry about being a bit of a negative negative person quite a lot no no I never thought of it like that though yeah feel free I need more um what do I need I can't take any more antidepressants back on the MDMA mushroom podcast on MDMA oh gosh wow like your your friends came to see your show on mushrooms they had a great time oh my friends came to my show on mushrooms and I in the future want all my all my audience to come on mushrooms they were don't lovely some people would have a bad time I would do I've never had a bad time on mushrooms I've only had a nice time yeah apart from like thinking everything's green or something I always think like all you know like one colour will really stand out like wow look at all the yellow yeah I got chucked out of a pub once on my 21st because I stood up and went why is everything green like you have to leave nothing's green oh god thank you and um do we uh so in conclusion for the lady uh I everyone's like that voice notes and it's never as bad as you think and just yeah it's fine it's fine that and they that like I say they're they're in a group with you for you so I think as well with voice notes just send it out because then hopefully you'll then feel strange oh but maybe she'll then keep deleting but and not sending send it your friends are there in a group with you because they think very much of you so trust the process and release your voice into the wild uh you have been butterfly I've been butterfly oh I don't even know probably you we have been butterflies together thank you next week uh old uh HRH will be back yeah um thank you she'll be full of it because she's been on our holes yeah she's full of the Cornish air goodbye goodbye