A puddle of bees

This week on Social Moths, Lindsay Santoro, Amy Mason and Harriet Dyer are back together and causing absolute chaos.

The conversation starts with old ladies, pen pals and unexpected acts of kindness before taking a sharp turn into death row correspondence, innocent prisoners, and the strange hobbies people pick up when life gets busy. Amy shares her latest creative adventures, including drawing classes and jewellery making, while the team discuss everything from life modelling and cosmetic surgery to why social media validation never quite lands the way you'd hoped. 

Elsewhere, there's debate over whether "expat" and "immigrant" mean the same thing, a deep dive into bargain-loving Brits abroad, a bizarre bee rescue operation involving competing beekeepers, and Harriet's memories of childhood tea bottles loaded with sugar. As always, the stories get stranger as the episode goes on. 

The gang also tackle a listener's dating dilemma, discuss awkward first dates, share holiday observations from Greece, and somehow end up talking about motorway service station television shows. 

Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph

Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0

Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==

Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors. So show mods. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here once again to welcome back into our lives Lindsay Santoro of Moth Fame.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming back, everybody. We appreciate everything you've done for us so far, which is nothing.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

And me, Amy Mason.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

We haven't said our names.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Did I not introduce you? I don't think you did, no.

unknown 0:33

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

She forgot. I didn't forget. No, I would never nag.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Gaslighting in it, isn't it called gaslighting?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I don't think I would. I like to think I'm not manipulative. No, I don't think you are. I don't think you've got the capacity. I think you've got the I think you have the capacity to be uh vengeful when wronged. But not intentionally spite.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

But you never know. I do worry that I've wronged Harriet and she hasn't told me crossing. This is the thing with me. I do worry because she doesn't I sh I've heard her talking about how other people have wronged her, and it will be the weirdest thing she'll be annoyed about. No, and it's always a really odd thing. She won't be annoyed. She could be like someone could literally be like the maddest person in the world, done the maddest things, and she'd be fine with it, but then they'd like dribble a noodle out of their mouth when they went for the Chinese, and she'd be like, they're dead to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

She'd dribble a noodle out of my mouth. I'm worried about me.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

No, here's the thing. Yeah, if I care about you and you've wronged me, I will tell you.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah. Which will you? Will you tell me? Yeah, I will. I've told you. Yeah, she has told you. You know about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I do also think that you think I'm a bit negative sometimes and a bit moaning.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I told you you were a bit negative once, so that's why you think that.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

But it's really stuck with me and it's made me really while wearing black and look like You are mourning us all.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

You're mourning.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

You look fit. I do look really fit. If this is an advert for the YouTube, I'm sitting here with my boobs. The YouTube. The YouTube man the YouTube on the internet, which is on the computer. Oh the phone.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

You may notice that we've got a guest with us today, which is a flip. It's a massive fly. And also, we might be a little bit quiet. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

The man in the office. I forgot I meant to be quiet. We've got a complaint.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

I don't tell you anything. Shut up, Rich. It's not your fault. It's ours. Yeah, I jumped out at Lindsay. What happened was I was walking down the corridor and Harriet jumped out at me. Uh I knew something was amiss because as I went round the corner, I could see little spots of tea that had been spilt. So she clearly scurried off at a hurry. And but just as I went round the corner, Harriet jumped out and I shouted, Fucking hell, fuck off. And I think that is in that is incited. A rightful, I would say, noise complaint. So we're all worried now because we don't know what the noise complaint is. Is it is this SMR?

SPEAKER_00 3:10

SMR S R S M R SMR. I've done that so many times. I once was in the supermarket and there was like a uh sort of island of tins at the supermarket. And I was standing one side of it, and my friend walked round and I thought, ha ha ha, jump out at her. So I stood there and I just jumped and screamed, and it was a tiny little old lady accidentally. I didn't realise it was between me and her. So I just jumped out screaming at a tiny old woman, and she honestly looked like she's gonna have a heart attack.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

She might as well have done, because you can have delayed ones, you know, you've killed that old lady. Another old lady abandoned to death by Amy Mason.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah, because I once was on a bus when I was at Wolverhampton Uni and uh Not to brag. Not to brag. Not to brag, and someone it was standstill traffic, but someone didn't realise that buses don't stand still because of the bus lane. So someone went across the road, didn't see there was a bus coming, which was the bus I was on, and then hit um hit the man, and then the man fell to the well, he's just I was chatting away, you know me. Suddenly a man has gone over the top of the bus and then before. Yeah, absolutely. Is it a single story?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

I was gonna say, and then yeah, he hasn't flown over, and then um fell on the floor, and then um got up, ran off because he was embarrassed. Well, not ran off, just gone off with his girlfriend, ended up dying because of that reason. The shock of it all.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yeah, you killed that old lady, Amy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

My old lady Penpa was just turned 90. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, she sent me a photo. Who's your old lady Penpa? Oh, well, this is lovely. In 2017, I was going to give up comedy and I thought I would spend all my time indoors and never speak to anyone in the outside world again. You know, as she does every so often. She does.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Me too. That's what I'm doing at the moment, but that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

And then, well, you can do this, and then uh I put on Facebook, does anyone know an old lady I can write to? And then Carl Jones, who's a comedian in the is he derby area. He works his job is old people. So then he's job is old. Old people. But I had to do full on do CRB and that, so I'm not, you know, swindling anyone. Um and then I had two, I had another one first, but sh I wrote to her, she never wrote to me again. But then this one, um that might have been the old lady that Amy killed. Maybe she seemed mean anyway, she slagged the kids off. You're allowed to do that. Yeah, but not on the first letter. Yeah. And then but the old lady that I and now have been so nine years na na no, wa, nine years now I've been writing to her. And um she the the pen pal she had before me, she wrote to them uh for 13 years, and the person never once wrote back.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Oh seriously, she's just so lovely. My mum, that's so sweet and lovely. Um see, that's the kind of thing I would do as well. What you did. I I love an old lady like that. My mum always had old ladies when I was young that she'd go and visit and stuff, the same kind of thing. We had this one woman called Mrs. Sherman who used to go and visit. But um, my mum had a woman recently that she did the same thing, but she phoned her every week.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

That's why she died. How often do you write to the lady?

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Um, just as usually she'll send a letter and then I'll procrastinate and then so probably not every couple of months, and I mean to do it more.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

But the price of stam, it's still nice. I wrote to a girl in Death Row. No, Amy. Yeah, but not to not to not to encourage them to what they did.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Wow. But not to not to um she's posted along Tits. It wasn't big.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

I was just about to say you could write to my old lady, but not with this sort of behaviour.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

No, I then I stopped because I think when I had kids, it my attitude totally changed. I I like I think I had this weird thing because I was so naughty when I was young and so bad. I think I had like in the back of my head that like I wanted to know, yeah, that I wanted to sort of that nobody could not be redeemed, and I really don't agree with the death penalty. And a lot of people on the at Death Row are innocent, and it's a very like unfair system in America. I read a lot of books by people, but it's like a lot of people have got really bad repres representations and stuff like that. But then I got this guy who I got one guy who was his life was tragic when he looked it up and then he got executed. But then the other guy that I'm writing to, I was writing to, I think didn't probably well, he definitely did it, and he was like completely fine and um oh yeah, I I just felt bad. But then I made my mum take over and write to him as well.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

What the fuck, Amy? When I had the fuck you started, oh I can't be bothered to be born.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

When I had a baby, I I was like, I'm too busy, so I got my mum to help, and then I just pee it out.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

And does your mum still do it?

SPEAKER_00 8:12

No, I felt a bit guilty that I stopped, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

What they're gonna do, come and get you. Go to an old lady, not of criminal. Yeah, because have you there's it's a good documentary, I think it's on Netflix about the innocence project, and they take on people that are in prison when they shouldn't be. It's really good.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Oh, I have to have a watch of that. I do like a bit of that. I do like a bit of police and crime and stuff. We love our police. One of my favourite most of my favourite times in my whole life have been with Harriet, but one of my favourite was when a lovely thing to say. I did um I did a a run through for a telephone, which I can't talk about, and there was um the box people were there and we stayed at a box for 10 hours. Oh yeah. Beautiful time. But like one weekend, uh I was gigging up north and I just stopped at Harriet's house, and for about three hours we just um watched police interceptors. No, but uh 48 hours. Oh, it was the American one, wasn't it? 48 hours in police custody.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Yeah, because if you like 24 hours in police custody, the British one, the because obviously America has guns, you've got like nine seasons of the British one and about 497 of the other.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

It's different.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

If you've ever it's like he thought that he was just going for a gentle stroll when his head got blown up, but it was actually his daughter.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

I love banged up abroad. Did you ever see that? Idiot abroad. Banged up abroad.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Do you know what I am obsessed with at the minute and I love watching it? Um uh Bargain loving Brits Abroad on Channel 5. Bargain loving Brits Abroad? Bargain loving people living in caravans in Benedome. One of these episodes, there's this woman, inspirational, she set up a menopause group for British people in Benedome that were too hot. Nobody went because it was too warm to go. I loved it. So brilliant. Good. So I want to watch that sounds so good. It's right up your street, bargain loving Brits abroad.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

What have we been doing, everybody?

SPEAKER_02 10:10

But can I just say I saw this video the other day and it's really made me think that expats is a racist term. What does it mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Because Yeah, yeah, because if What's the full sentence?

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Expats uh white basically white people that have gone to different kinds of emigrated um from you do it, get rich to do it for me to do good Britain. But then but if you're white, you're an expat, but if you're not white, you're an immigrant. Oh it's bang out of order.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

It's bang out of order.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

But can we? I don't think I would enjoy Benadorm, but anyone who worked outside their native country.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, anyway. It doesn't say about white. Yeah, but most they don't say it in other places, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Yeah, but are they yeah, but when you're not white, you're not known as an expert, are you?

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yeah, they're just an immigrant, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Yeah, that's true. Very interesting.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Can we?

SPEAKER_02 11:11

What have you all been doing? Because an arm course. I want to. There's this place in Benedome that does eating challenges.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

I'm not going to Benedorm and I'm not doing an eating challenge review. But you every time we go to Ming Moon, you have two plates and you're full up. I'm not wasting all this money. It's what's you guzzle half a napdog and feel sick. I know you follow that woman who swallows loads of meat and you think you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

I know she I don't think I can do it. I want to watch you eat so eat a chicken with so hot.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

She has to put gloves on to bring on. I eat spice. I literally smell spice and I shit my pants. I have to sometimes if I think about having a curry, it makes me need a poo. Like I can't explain it. Gets my bowels going.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

We could enter Marvin and he is uh unmatched spiceman. Really? Yeah. I imported special uh drugs? No. Um uh the Carolina Reaper ghost pepper chili, the spiciest spiciest boy in the town, and he didn't even bat an eyelid.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

I bet he did after you left the room.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

No, because I lived with him, so I never left. I followed him around.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Yeah. Sorry. But what have you been doing? I'm trying to take charge. I never I'm never the one who takes charge.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I really liked it to be honest. I'm sorry that Harriet stepped over you and dismissed diminished all your responsibility. I've never seen it. Diminished my authority. You bad girl.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

With what? I don't know. I did not, of course, yesterday. Socialising. Are you gonna show do your picture? Yeah, you can see my picture if you if you we're gonna start doing a Patreon scene, I think. And you can you can pay five pounds to see my picture. Fifteen pounds for a print of it.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

£20 for an areola.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Because Bristol is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

I love to draw pictures of people's tits. Pictures. Send me a picture of no, don't. I was gonna send me a picture of your tits and then I'll draw people's tits. You have to guess whose tits they are and draw on.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

I um did this course and it was a drawing, it was like learning to draw figures and port and faces, portrait course, and it was actually quite hard. I thought you'd start off really easy, but they didn't. They started off with like people doing really weird poses, it was just like pictures of them, and he taught you how to like do the angles and like learn like estimate the angles and stuff, and we had to like copy these pictures. And then the second bit was faces, and he gave us like a selection of images that we could pick from on A4 paper, and they were all celebrities, but they were like Sinead O'Connor, Bill Murray, the author Val McDermott, and Sadie Frost.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

See, I do Sinead O'Connor. Bold you'd have to do it. Yeah, but you said easy, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

But someone did it, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 13:52

I feel guilty of saying that, but someone someone's a Sinead O'Connor looked a bit like Ross Camp. But like, I mean it's an easy mistake to make. But what I was saying, I my Sadie Frost I thought was very good. I put a photo of on Instagram, nobody, one person liked it. Two people, actually, my mum and some other person.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

I'm not seeing your stuff, and I honestly haven't unfollowed you. So but I've genuinely not seeing it well.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

A lot of people you can see he looked at it and they did not like it, didn't get any comments. I didn't get oh, actually, one person said it was good. But I thought everyone would be like, Amy, you're so good that could be like in the Louvre, but nobody does. Hang it in the Louvre, nobody does, and and then I was a bit embarrassed. But um stick it in the pumpkin. I'm gonna do loads of art courses because I think it's quite fun to get good at it drawing. So that's gonna be my base line. But isn't that funny? That's so Bristol that those were the kind of celebration.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Are you gonna do pottery course as well?

SPEAKER_00 14:45

The guy, Bill Gilding, was the guy who ran it, and I loved him. Shout out to Bill. Do you know what we should do?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

We should do uh like a life drawing class.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Campbell used to be a model, naked model for the life.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

I'm doing one run by Bill. Your life model. No, I'm doing one, I'm going to study.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Johnny Long Tits all Johnny Long Tits.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

And I'm still I have got long tits. I'm gonna have to get the if anyone is listening or knows anyone who wants to give me free tits surgery.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Not her first, me first. I've been going on it, but I need it more. My areolas blend into everything else. I want them up. You just need an outline.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

No, I need a sharp again. Should we do cosmetic surgery? Holiday, you and me to get that.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

I'm going another day.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Um I if anyone knows anyone who can give me free beep surgery, um.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

But you'd have to promote it, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah, I'd do it. It's like £8,000. Yeah, but you've just whinged about being Yeah, but that was for like £35 quid top. This is different. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

I um would you get them out on socials?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah. If it was £8,000 thing. No, they'd have to blow out the net. Anyway, she's bored. She's bored. But I did this course and I'm starting a jewellery course on on Friday, and yeah, as you can tell, my work life is going brilliantly at the moment. I've started loads of adult ed courses.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

That's what you've done. What have you done?

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Uh I went to Scotland. Yep. What else did I do? I feel like I've seen who have I seen? What have I done? I don't think I've done much. Yeah. I think I've been quite rubbish. I've spent a lot of time just moving about.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Right. What do you mean moving about? Going to gigs that are too fine. Oh, are we meant just in your house and like slithering from room to room?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

No, we need to do that. My bones are seizing up.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Your bones are seizing up.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Yeah, I'm not exercising enough.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

I've um told me you've been doing the Kegel leg thing, whatever it was. Yeah, that was yesterday. Yeah, that's moving.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Yeah, but I'm talking about all the up and till. Oh, I see. Yeah. Where else have I been? Oh, too many places, man.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Oh god. Well, I've um I've had a lovely week. I've just been in the house with May. We've got the paddling pool out for two days, we've got the ammo count. My mum came over, we put her in the paddling pool, the paddling pool. She was screaming because it was too cold, so I had to put hot water in it for a lot. She was a baby. Uh, and then me and my mum just lay in the paddling pool for a bit. I think I had a Solero at one point. That was nice. Well, I didn't know Soleros were still around. Oh, yeah, they're still going strong. And Mars ice screams, but they're about half the size they use. I love a Mars ice cream. That was nice. Went to the garden centre with my mum. I've planted up my baskets. I've just had a week off of it. It's been really lovely.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

I went in the garden, I cut lots of stuff back. I love cutting stuff back. Then the hammock.

unknown 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Picked up lots of cat shit. I put the put the guinea pigs in their run, and there's a neighbour's cat who sits for hours looking at the guinea pigs, just staring at them like it loves it, like it's some kind of guinea pig pervert. Like it's so excited to see them. It doesn't even like leap, it just stares at them.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

I was gonna go, uh-uh-uh. Harriet does this amazing joke where she is if someone cuts you off or you open it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where she goes, she goes with her fingers like nuh-uh-uh, but she does it with a whi with a windscreen. She goes, uh uh. Like with the back windscreen like that. And I do that all the time, and I always think of Harriet, uh-uh.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Oh, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

It's really stuck in my head that asked.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

You sound like to Dennis Nedry from Jurassic Park. Uh-uh. And he goes, uh-uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Well, that's what I've been.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I was fill I did I went to the home of gig.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

I went to gig, came home, parked my car. Did I tell you that I'm convinced that the local car washer feeding seagulls curry?

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Of course you haven't told me that. Why would you have told me that? I'm not even responding because it's just so huge.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

You say that I've got two the the amount of birds.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Getting a file together.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

I'm like Erin Brokovitch. Oh, remind me to tell you about the bees. But wait a minute. So I came back from my gig and then I there's bac all the flats where I live have balconies. So then I literally saw so so it was quite dark, but I thought I saw someone on the front of the balcony with their head like that, and I thought, oh my god, they're gonna jump off the balcony. So I then go, it's gonna be alright. It was a fucking plant pot on the balcony facing that way, which I thought was someone's head. And then so if there were someone in the flat, they must have thought, Why is that person talking to my plump pot?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

It's gonna be alright. And then probably going, it's a plant pot, because you're deaf, you can't hear it. Yeah, can't hear it. Can I tell you about the bees? Yeah, the amazing bees. So we'd run out of milk. So David thought, I'm going to the shop to get away. You didn't milk a bee, did you? And as he's walking to the shop, there's in the road, well up to the side of the road, like like say where the double yellows are at the corner of my road, there's he thought there was uh like a big black puddle. He was like, What the fu and he's looked, and it's just all these bees on the floor, like a puddle of bees. So he was like, What do I do? And I said, I don't I don't know. So he rang the council because he was like, excuse me, there's a load of bees on the floor. Oh, just yawn, yeah, you help yourself. Um have that extra oxygen, I don't mind. And um so he rang the council and they were like, I don't know what you want to do. They were like, How can we just Google beekeepers? So David rings this bloke called I can't remember, let's say it's called Paul, who lives in Sutton Coalfield. He's I've never heard anyone so excited about bees. He was like, I'm just having my Sunday dinner, and I know that'll be 40 minutes away, keep an eye on the bees. Put in the interim, somebody local, but Bourneville beekeeping company, a beekeeper, Bourneville beekeepers, that they get wind of it. There's a race of the beekeepers, uh, both turn up at the same time. Uh, Paul's just like, you know what, guys, let's just leave it. The beekeeper bloke from Bourneville says, What happens is the Queen essentially gets so knackered sometimes, she just lies on the floor, and that they will follow, they'll swarm the Queen. So the Middle Actor. No, they just love I don't know, they just want to be near the Queen. So imagine you've got a thousand children that love you, and you lie down in a park and they're all just crawling on you. That's essentially what happened. The guy puts a box down, throws some of the bees in, like, knocks them in, and they all just start going in the box. He leaves the box and then he goes, I'll be back in a few hours to get it.

unknown 21:24

I was like, What?

SPEAKER_01 21:25

But what if someone ran over the box? Well, he had what he'd done is he'd put a sticker on it that said live bees and then just and then left fucking left.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

So then what did the other did the other bee man go? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

The other bee man was like, Oh, um because he would have had to do the same thing. He would have had to put a box of for his bees, and then he but he was like, Oh, you beat Bourneville bee beat me to the bees. Bourneville bee beat me to the bees. So we didn't have the bees. But it's yeah, apparently bees are hot property, very expensive. Yeah, of course. A lot of money made in bees, but it was so exciting. Um Yeah, I've got a lot of bee material in my set at the minute. Can you believe it? No. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Wow. So, but isn't it weird? Why would you not think that the other bees, if the bee if the queen beard collapsed, wouldn't they just like lift her up and just take her somewhere nice? Well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah, just she's so tired that she just left. A treetop, maybe, maybe, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Or their house. They must be sleeping at night.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

They must be moving, yeah. But anyway, he's got the bees down. A little hive. Uh are you keeping in touch? No. I well, David was the communicator, David's very much David's like, there was a puddle, a black puddle of bees. There's a puddle of bees out there. I was like, what are you going on about? There's a puddle of bees. And I went out because I thought they'd be flying in the air. They're not all on the floor. Of course. Why would it be a puddle if they were in the air? I don't understand language. And it was just that, really. So um that's what I would ideally with bees, my mum in a paddling pool, shopping for plants. I went for a a little cream tea with my well, it wasn't cream tea, it was like a lunch at a garden centre with my mum. And uh my daughter had uh a cup of tea, not decaffeinated, in a little teacup with five sugars. So my mum tells me off, she's like, You're so mean to your daughter, and I like I go, you can't do that. And I said, No, I said, I'm not normally like this. I said, but when I'm around you, there's no barrier like with my mum. If you want this, you have it. You want it to be a few years.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

I love the fact you give a four-year-old child, a cup of tea with five sugars.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

You want a cup of tea, a cup of tea with sugar? Yeah, have a cup of tea? Sugar. Have that. So I'm like, so I have to go. We said, no, you're not having it. No, no, because both of us are doing the same thing. I used to, my mum.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Did you want to drunk tea before your daughter?

SPEAKER_01 23:47

I don't maybe, I don't know. Probably with your mum, she's having a whisk. My mum used to give me a bottle, like a bottle of milk, like a like a kid's bottle milk bottle and fill it with tea, tea and three sugars when I got back from school, but yeah, she's a lie on the sofa drinker. Dodd.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

A four-year-old. Back from school.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

I used to drink a bottle of tea on the bottom of like a cigar. I used to lie on the sofa. I think I did it until I was about eleven with a bottle of tea. Lie on the sofa, bottle of tea.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Well, the kids did because the mum would they'd be there with their relentless at the age of eight. And I'd be like, that's equivalent to like six cups of coffee. And then so I said, You can't do that. He's like, Mum let me. And I said, Well, there's a reason you're not with your mum. And then, um, and then I'd see him in B and Q and he'd be hiding from me with five cans of relentless. Then when we had a meeting with the so they were like, Can we have a cup of tea with five sugars? And I was like, What? No. And then when we had a meeting with the mum as well, the the lady from uh the place goes, Um, oh, can I get you a drink to the mum? And she goes, Yeah, I can have a cup of tea with five sugars. And I was like, Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Mystery solved.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

Mystery solved.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

We've got a reader thing, should we do that? Yeah, yeah. Shall we do it? Yeah, yeah. Do we sound more keen to be alive and living life? Yeah. Wait from my lovely Ben again. Ben. Ben again.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Oh, we came and saw us, and I was just so depressed. I was just talking absolute nonsense. I got two. Was that him?

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Amy, that's just how you are. I don't think you need to worry.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

I got quite two divining roles. Oh, yeah, she did. I was just talking absolute shit. I really killed the vibe at Harriet's night.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Oh, he said it was funny and you're right, Rich, you just fell off the chair. No, no, drop the phone. He should have come and said hello. He was shy of you. He wasn't really. I said, hi, it's Ben again. Just moved to Bristol Guy. Guy? Yeah, he's the yeah. Oh, I saw. So I went on a date where I live now to a pub, if anyone knows it. He does name the pub, but I don't think I should name it because of, you know, GDPR. I'm worried he's gonna get murdered. And I was four minutes late. He wasn't happy. I apologised and said, let me get the first drink. So we had a pint each of uh wiper and wiper, yeah. And instantly he said and instantly he said, I'll see you next Friday. And I was like, Sorry, why? Anyway, the date goes on and he necks a second pint, and I say, Oh, are you in a hurry or something? And he says, Why are you being so aggressive? Next thing he runs out of the pub and I never see him again. My social faux part is was I aggressive? I don't think I was, but I want a social moth opinion.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

No well, from your point of view, it sounds like he was being insane literally insane. Yeah, I might. But I'd like to know his side of the story.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Ben does have a tendency to say things. Has he missed details out? Probably. Well, if you said you said you went to some kind of hurry like that, then you Well, sometimes Ben will do stuff where he'll go, Oh, what do you mean? And he's joking. But if you don't know him, you might think, but he I don't think Ben. But four minutes late and he was grumpy. Ben, I Ben, can you write in again and tell us what the truth? Yeah, please. Because what what's missing? Something is missing. Something is missing, and it's the truth. It's the truth from you.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I know you, Ben. I know you did something. Imagine if he's come in and hit him in the face with a baseball bat and that. 40 minutes late, he's gone, get me a fucking drink.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

And then he's tipped his drink on in the blows.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

He's done that, you know, in the in the westerns when they'll go they'll slide the drink across and it'll go on the other. I think he's done that with the man's drink.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

I went on a slip and slide yesterday. At my brother's house. With fairy liquid. No, they wouldn't let me put fairy liquid on it. And also I wore my mum's swimming costume because I didn't have one. So my mum had to go on it first in a swimming costume, and then I put my mum's swimming costume in, and then all yesterday I was like, oh my mum's fanny's been on my fanny, it's disgusting. But then I didn't came out that's exactly that. And I thought, well, what am I worrying about? But it was uh it's very uh it's not fun, it's painful.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

There's so many things in life that are like you think like trampolining, you think that's gonna be fun. No, it feels like your inside's about to drop out of your fanny.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Now I'll wear my pants if I did that.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah, still I can do a backflip on a trampoline if I wanted to. Well, the moral of the story is Ben, what did you actually do? Uh there were I don't think there was a faux part. I think maybe it's just your personality. Let us know.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Well, if it is how you exactly how you say it is, then the guy is directly. Yeah. So you haven't done anything wrong.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

But something doesn't make sense. Something's not missing from your story, Ben. And I'm sensing. He's like probably turned up naked or something. Ben wouldn't turn up. He might turn up with half a ballock hanging out, but he wouldn't turn up nude fully because otherwise, where's the where's the mystery? Where's the mystery? That's nice.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

I was gonna tell a story, but it's about somebody else, but it was just something rude.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Right. It's 30 minutes now. I'm going. Hi Bed! Can you we need you. We need you. Send us your list of stories to socialmoffs.co.uk. Also, I'd like to do a shout out to my friend Lex because she stayed in a premiere in recently and also showed me that they do set the temperature to 19 degrees when it was. You know, that week it was fucking boiling. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's shit, in it.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Oh, shall I tell you something else? I went to Greece and I mentioned it in the last episode, and um but I haven't really talked about it, and I had a lovely time, and I went and stayed in Simi, which is an island off roads, and it was very beautiful. My friend lives, and everyone's all her friends are very like she she knows a lot of like sophisticated, beautiful gay men who all moved out. That's if they're part-time. No, but they were gay, they were really, really nice, and they were very friendly, and it was really nice. But then the night that when I went back, I had to stay in Rhodes for a night because of the way that like my flight worked, and in semi, I felt so I felt quite unsophisticated because there were people there with second homes and stuff, and they were lovely, but it was and then I went to Rhodes and I stayed in this hotel, and I felt like I could be the editor of Vogue compared to everyone that's where my dad goes. It was so depressed, there you go. It was so depressing. I went down for breakfast and it was this amazing, massive buffet, and I had to just have a coffee and go because it was I felt like I was in an old people's home at the end of the world.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Is that you said that's where your dad goes?

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Yeah, it was rough. They weren't like it wasn't like Laddie, it just felt depressing. Old gay men, no, not gay men, just old couples, like really, but like just depressing. And then you go past bars where it's just old English people who've gone to drink themselves to death. You know how people go and do that in foreign countries.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Yeah, with a strawberry noise.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Oh, really old women like walking out, stumbling out of bars. I honestly felt, but for my self-esteem, it was great. I felt gorgeous, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

Well, because that's the OG, isn't it? Of when it was like the first Brits abroad, that was Falaraki. Margin loving Brits abroad.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yeah, up the road from Roads, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

I don't even understand that. Isn't it mad that we would have pitched like quite good ideas, but then stuff that gets commissioned is bargained. Loving Brits abroad.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Have you seen the one from JLS is now hosting a a TV show about um JB? Uh yeah, about bloody motor uh motorway service stations. Litton, that's the whole nother thing to unpack. And we are two minutes over. I thought these episodes were forty minutes long, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

Alright then. Goodbye, everybody. See you soon.