Where for art thou Mason

In this slightly chaotic episode of Social Moths, Lindsay and Harriet are flying as a duo after Amy's late arrival leaves them to hold the fort alone in their brand-new recording space. The pair introduce the new studio, discuss the move from their previous venue, and share their thoughts on Rich's latest podcast production setup. 

The conversation quickly descends into the usual Social Moths madness, covering everything from travel sickness playlists and disco dancing memories to cinema trips, terrible films, unexpected horror recommendations and the ongoing debate over what actually belongs in a proper Knickerbocker Glory. 

Harriet shares stories from a week packed with cinema visits, hotel stays and comedy nights, while Lindsay talks about joining her daughter's Forest School session and why children playing in mud might be the best education available. Along the way, the pair debate bug hotels, medieval murder mysteries, giant wedding carriages, suspiciously large builder's hands, cushions versus pillows, and why some TV programmes leave you more frustrated than entertained. 

With Amy eventually arriving just as the episode is wrapping up, this is a classic Social Moths episode filled with tangents, laughter, random observations and the sort of conversations that make absolutely no sense until you've listened to the whole thing. 

Expect stories, silliness, strong opinions on desserts, and enough distractions to make even the most organised podcast host give up trying to follow the agenda.

Harriet Dyer

Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph

Amy Mason

Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0

Lindsey Santoro

Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==

Producer - Richard Lannen 

@richlannen

Produced by Nozzle Media

Website - https://nozzle.media

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I can't spread my wings because I'm indoors. Social mods. Do you want me to go? Yeah. Welcome to social. Where's my camera? Welcome to social mods. If you're watching this on the internet, you may notice that we're in a different venue and that Amy Mason is not here. In the last episode, um We sacrificed her. Well, what happened was I don't know if you can remember from last week, uh, we got some noise complaints that we were too loud. So rather than addressing them reasonably with the person, well, we don't even know who bought it up, it was the man next door. Rather than bringing up recently with the man next door, we went, we'll sack Rich and we'll just go somewhere else. Um and also we've realised it was Amy that was making the noise, so we have sacrificed her. She's not here, she's in prison. Uh yeah. No, Rich is still here in his little baby chino. Now he's got a little walkie-talkie. He's got a little we've just moved because um I don't know why we've moved. It's better parking, isn't it? Better parking is essentially what it is, isn't it, Harriet? Yeah, so it's the studio space is nice. It's cool here. It's really cool. And they've got a a tap, a tap you wank off a different type. Yeah, you don't need to wank the tap off anymore. Yeah, for hot water. How do you feel, Rich? Do you feel well within yourself? If you go on my he looks like a racer pondit. Because of the room he's got here is so massive, just for all he's he had to put up like a sound curtain. No, no, irrelevant for now. Yeah, I've this why I'm setting the scene, I'm doing an audiobook. The room is a massive white space. Fast, fast, all-encompassing.

unknown 1:41

All encompassing.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

And we've got lovely sofas. But because the room is so big and we've only just got in it, Rich has had to put up some soundproofing curtains. However, he has to stand behind the soundproofing curtains to use his little buttons. So every time we talk to him, he pops up like a shit in a U-bend. Like a shit in a U Bend. So that's what's happening today. Yes, Amy's not here because well, do you want to tell the story why Amy's not here?

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Uh well, so I thought that someone would go to the old place. So I messaged this morning. So, well, first of all, you messaged last night in the group and said, just checking. Rich, are we in the new place? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then this morning I said, Remember, we're going to the new place. And then Rich did a little joke and was like, Oh yeah. And then and then Amy messaged, well, she messaged three times, deleted two of them, so fuck those four days.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

She'd been a moment to be here at 10 and it was five to ten. And I was already and I was driving, and I could see that the messages had come through and I thought, okay, yeah, yeah, what's happened now?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

And then she said um that she well, she hadn't gone to the other, she hadn't gone to any place, she's in she's in a pajama set home. But she's on her way. Well, we'll see. If she gets here and it's done, it's done, isn't it? Yeah, it's like that um Lisa Stansfield song. What's that? Being around the world. Oh no, that's not not that song. The one that goes um I don't you can reach me by a railroad, you know that one? You can reach me by a light and pool. I don't care. Dina Carroll. Oh, it's not even it's not even Lisa. Don't be dragging Lisa. Well, no, what it is is it's this it's the song after that on Hits 93.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

That I listened to on uh I was we were on our way, we did it was yours a religious school and we had Ascension Day and we were on our way to the beach. What? Ascension Ascension to what heaven? No ascension to you know when Jesus is wanging around in the cave. So then we go to the so then we go to the I can't go to a cave without Marvin going, oh I might live in that cave. But anyway, so we went to the seaside to make things to remember Jesus, and then everyone was trying to talk to me on the bus, and I said, excuse me, I get travel sickness, I'll be listening to my music, thank you. And then that song was on my tape, and uh my the song that I came third in the whole of Cornwall in disco dancing, tribal dance by two unlimited.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Oh my god, do you know when I stayed at yours for the weekend and you made me a playlist? Oh, yeah, that was really good. I think about that. I keep thinking in my head, I must message Harriet about that playlist and ask her to share it with me. So, could you do that? Have you still got it?

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Probably not. I thought, I thought you were just overwhelmed with the amount of Celine Dion I put on.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Yeah, but that's why I liked it, because it would go from like, I don't know, like some kind of Venga Boys, and then Celine Dion going do like that, and you touch me, like it was it was very eclectic, and I like the ups and downs it provided me at all times.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Well, I'll see if I've got it, and if I do, I'll send it over. I like to um I I wouldn't tell many people this, but if say I'm like if Astonito stays, because I'll be driving around. I do one uh I like for the because I know that she loves all Whitney and stuff like that. But I wouldn't tell many people because some people might think it's a bit creepy. I don't think it's creepy, I think it's lovely.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

I don't think you have to tell people, but I did feel like Rich, what are you wanging around doing beyond that? The clock's not on. The clock's not on, all I can hear is you're clattering around. Now, you like min nan when she's gone in the pantry. What are you doing in there? You give him his own space and he's like a ferret in a washing machine. You don't know what he's up to, he's a toddler. He's gonna put his fingers in the plug so plug socket. Plug. He's gonna put my fingers on the plug so put my fingers on the plug. Do we have any structure? Amy sometimes does provide structure for this podcast. Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Oh no. It's all gone wrong so soon. What have you been doing this week? Uh this week I've been I've been toing and throwing and I went to Marvin came to me, he was very ill, but we went to we were I've seen loads of films at the cinema. How many films? Uh one, two, three maybe about five.

unknown 6:20

Have you got a pass?

SPEAKER_02 6:21

No. You're a fucking lunatic. I know. That's like £500 you spent. He's peeped through. What now? You haven't got your mind. Yeah? I would have got a pass. Yeah. Player's gonna play, you know. Player's gonna play. This is her voiceover money. This is what she does with it. She pisses it up the wall at the cinema.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Yeah, and you know what? I've seen some absolute shit. Right. What five films have you seen? Well, one of them, I just don't even think and I knew it. I don't know why I went along with him, because I think for reminiscence's sake, I didn't even like the first five. So I don't know why I Fast and Furious. No, it I mean almost embarrassed to say. Five films. There's five films in the scary movie. Disgusting shit. Really bad. So bad, but the others were awful. I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, to be fair. And every single joke that was made. I've Harriet did air quotes then, just for Did I ever tell you about when Marvin doesn't know how an air quote works? So it'll be like arguing or something, then they'll randomly do an air quote. And I'm like, Marvin, I don't think you know how to do an air quote, and and then he'll go, I'll be going. Air quote storm outs. See you later. Air quote, right? So the scary movie was crap. So bad. And every time a joke was made, I would look at Marvin scowling at him. Check who he's not laughing. No, scowling at him for what he brought me to because it was such a load of shit. Next film, The Sheep Detective. I've heard it's a really lovely film. Do you know what? It's it's an a Sunday afternoon on the telefilm. You don't need to go to the cinema for it. Yeah. But the animation of the sheep. You love an animated sheep. You like Sean, you like Timmy. And that that one you know, goat GO80.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Yeah, that's about goat. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

I never still because it's supposed to be greatest of all time, goat. You know, the way and it's apparently a true story. It's by the makers of because I love the animation of the uh the Spider-Man into the Spider-Verse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's by the makers of that goat, and it's apparently a true story about this really small um basketball player. But and it's that. Have you seen that? No, don't you know what I'm on about? No. Oh, but that's really good. Maybe would like that as well. What's your thing? It's really good. Uh and then does she like the Zootopica? Zootropica. Zootopia? No, she doesn't know. She likes trowls. Are you on um have you got Disney Plus? Yeah. Zootropica one and two. Zootropica!

SPEAKER_02 9:03

It's so not Zootropolis.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Oh yeah, that's it. Oh, the sloth. Show me. Oh yes. Yes. So good. So the sheep detective. She's peeping.

unknown 9:17

I'm checking the cameras.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

Where are you going now? Tell her with tell her to stay in the car. No, no, bring her in. She can come in.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Bring her in.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

She'll have to wait with her head. She'll have to wait for the can't do this one because there's no mics out. Yeah, fine. She'll have to just watch through the window like a sad child. Like Grey Fry and Bobby. What did you watch? Goat? You watched the goat film? No, the sheep film.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

Yeah, so it was quite good actually. But at one point I thought, do I even want to stay for the end of this? But then you're you need to know who the murderer was. But maybe I don't think May would like that because of the peril. Okay, yeah, she says they're not peril. No. Second film, third film. Uh third film was. What was the third? How can you not remember? Er well because it's two weekends, because it's one week. Okay. From Sunday to Sunday. Uh Devil Wears Prada? No, I tell you this though, the best one, without a doubt, was hello. Oh Emmett, what was the other one that I saw? That's annoying me now. What else is there? What's the best one? Oh my god. Absolutely impeccable obsession. Is this the one with the woman? Yeah. And it's quite a low budget film, they said. Yeah, and it's just because it wasn't even on the um Is it a scary film? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Oh god, okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Yeah, it's really good. And um it's it's just great.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Do you know because Rich has left the room? Shall we swap seats? Yeah. Come on then, quick. Because it'll confuse me.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Do you want your tea? No, I've finished it. Okay. I've already had two. Well, it's nice and warm by you, isn't it? I'm very sweaty. And do you know once I was tilt your fanny towards you? That's it. Uh once when I uh worked in TK Max, I was having my lunch, and then when I got up, I left like I must have left like a sweat patch, and this girl in front of the whole room of people goes, uh look at that you've left.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

I sometimes leave like uh I call them clam prints if I've sat on a leather chair with my um leggings on. Yeah. It's good to see what you leave behind sometimes, like your carbon footprint, but it's your hot fanny mess.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

Because me and Jack, when we we take turns when we use the machines at the gym, and then he sometimes leaves a bomb and a gooch splatter. Yeah. And then but what I've learned is if you, as you're getting up, do a slight wipe uh with your own body. Yeah, you wipe it.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Very clever, Harriet, very clever. So you'd recommend obsession, you recommend so good.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

And and you know what? I think it was it wasn't supposed to be in the cinema anymore because I said to Marv, oh, because I've heard stuff about it, and then I said, Oh, there's only one um viewing uh left on a Saturday, then it's not on a Sunday, and then the next day it was all it was bad. And no, it and then it came back and it's come back like so many showings on a day. So I think it's had a resurgence. Do you know what you need to watch?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

It's not in the cinema, it's a tele show. David put it on the other day. Uh Widows Bay. It's about it sounds shit, but it's very funny, very funny and spooky. Who's in it? Nobody I know. It's about uh an island, like a little bite, and it's got listen, give it a chance. This is what my face was like. I David does this, he suggests something for me, and I go, I'm just gonna play my games or you you bloody well watch it, and uh bloody well he'll put it on, and then I'll start getting invested. And this is what happens is um his uh how are you alright there with the fucked up um but it's good, I recommend it. Oh okay. You like it is it on I TV one? No, it's on Apple Apple films.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

Do you know there's a cracking uh documentary it's new out about it's a really good crime one about Emma Emma Baby Spice. No, it's a murder, yeah, and it's but it's mad, it's about because I watched the other it's a roundup of a documentary that's already been out, and it's basically this fucking narcissistic prick that had clearly murdered someone, was like, I want to clear my name, so did a fucking interview, and then the interviewer was basically like, I I I need to look up what you've said to see, and then she's investigated it, found out he's a fucking dirty, ratty liar, and then now, like 16 years later, after the murder where he's thought he's got away with it, he's finally he's been fantastic. What's he called? It's called it's literally like number one or number two on Amazon uh document. It's like the killer of Emma. It's Emma something, I think.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Amy Mason's here, and she's making use of the glass window by flashing her tits at us. She looks really funny. You know.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Where's she going now? She's uh is she wearing pedal pushers?

SPEAKER_02 14:36

I hope so. That's what I love to see on a woman. Yeah. I love a pair of pedal. What was I gonna say to you then? Oh my god, do you know how love crime? I love crime thingies, and I love um history, watching history stuff. Oh I know you like now, not all history stuff, just like medieval and like kings and twos and queens and the Georgia. That's there's a specific period that I like to nothing goes in, that's why I like watching it because I can just keep watching it. I found on Amazon Prime this programme called Medieval Murder Mysteries. It's so shit, it's really low budget, it's fucking dreadful. And they will examine a murder that took place in medieval, and they'll go, these are the things we think could have happened. And then the end of every episode is, but we'll never know. And I'm like, why am I fucking one of them was Edward II? They were like, they were like, Did he get murdered? Did he die in his sleep? Or was he bummed by a red hot poker? And I was like, this is taking a turn. Anyway, we don't know if anybody does have any information.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

No, but no one knows, no one's gonna know. I hate those with the murder films uh programs, and and then at the end, we'll never know. And I'm like, Why am I fucking watching?

SPEAKER_02 15:52

I did that when I was looking at unsolved murders, and then it got to the end of the episode. I was like, but we don't know who did it, and I was like, Well, and I was mad, and Dave was like, It's called Unsolved Murders. Yeah, I won't watch unsolmons. What do you think? And I'm like, fucking, fair enough. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. What have I done this week? Oh, I went to forest school with my daughter. Forest gump. Forest school. So my daughter does this thing where they have like a day where like they go released into the wild. Essentially, they've got a bit of school where they they have like an afternoon where they just go and play in the mud and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

And one of the afternoons they were like, Oh, the parents can come, and so like somewhere in the morning and somewhere in the evening. And uh, I may mention this because the receptionist, when I was checking in, she was like, Are you gonna mention this on your podcast? And I thought, I wasn't, but actually, what a great thing to mention that I did this. Oh yeah, it's yeah, it's really lovely. This is such a nice school. I like all everybody there so far, none of the parents are pricks, but we'll she's only you know in reception, so there's still time. Um and so we went along to forest school and it's just lovely. They've got like a swing on a tree, they've got a mud kitchen, they've got a little tent they used in a mud kitchen. Honestly, this one girl just tipped loads of water into a wheelbarrow and walked off with it. And I thought, you, you, I like you a lot. I like you a lot.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

The idea that there's a kid like Gordon Rumsey smoking a cigarette, going, hurry up with the Fomba.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

I picked up this one and I went, Oh, this is a delicious cupcake. And my daughter went, it's obviously bread. And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm so sorry. My my apologies, it is quite obviously bread, isn't it? Yeah. How's the soup? How's the soup? This meat is raw.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

Did you does she ever do with um the like a cardboard frame and then you lob it in the bush and then you go, oh, look at the conservation? That's what we did at school.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

They've got um like a stack of old uh bits of wood that's like a bug hotel. Bug hotel? Have you not heard of bug hotels? No, but bug hotels are right up your street. You just get little bamboos and little bits of wood and like block them all lob, and then bugs will go into the holes and just live in there. And like you can do it, like a I can't believe you've never heard of a bug hotel. I think I've seen- Oh welcome back, Rich.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Welcome back, thanks for coming. So, how do you get to see who's living in the bug hotel?

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Well, I don't know what room there. I don't know if they have a booking system as such, but they you can just look with your your fucking eyes and seeing them. He's really out stayed, he's welcome. Yeah, he's he's past the 12 o'clock checkout. They also what I quite like is you know, when you put on little bricks down on the grass, they had loads of them and like little stumps, and you know, when you tip them up, you can see all the bugs just I really quite like that. That was fun. Oh yeah, that was good, that was fun. And they put some little uh fabric sheets over like a line, so they'd like little tents and stuff. And then, and then they all went and sat in a hut, and the lady Oh the lady how um I can't remember her name. I want to say her name was Katie the lady, the lady who was in charge of the forest school. A giant ladybird. I wanna say her name was Katie or Emma. It was a name like that. She was letting some of the kids chop firewood with an axe. Well, she holds a knife and they whack it with a mallet and the m and the knife goes through. And I I was like, this is very dangerous, but she's very she has those kids in control. Yeah, very impressed with her. And then we sat around a little fire pit that she set up in it. Um some brioche and the kids had hot chocolate. I thought this ain't fucking school, is it? That's great. This ain't fucking school. What they're learning, yeah, it's a cheeky little rats. But honestly, it was fun. Apart from my daughter at the end, which was like, I want to go home now. I was like, I'm picking you up in half an hour. Yeah, good fun.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Oh uh I went in room service.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

You were so cornish then.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

I had this thing, it was called a hot something to do with a hot chocolate. And uh got it, so we got a knickerbook of glory in hot chocolate. Where's this? Sorry, I went so Marvin came to Bristol last weekend, I went to Manchester this weekend, stayed in a village hotel. Yeah. Um and there was a big, a massive um Do you remember the obviously I'm not calling them this, but do you remember the programme, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? Yes. That was happening in the hotel and they had the the the carcass of the uh tucka tuc. The like a a big pumpkin made of metal with wheels that's white. A carriage. A carriage. Carriage, sorry. And it was it's fascinating. I find myself, I've got to be careful as I get my head kicked in because whenever I see like the truck, because when I used to live in Birmingham, I used to wander around the uh the ball ring, and on a Sunday all the traveller kids would be like, and the girls and boys would be separate. And once I actually bought popcorn from Pret, sat on a chair on the those granite stall things, and I was just watching them. And I thought, Go be careful, get my head kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Do you know what's really interesting? Is I love the dresses they wear to the weddings. I think they're so amazing. Yeah, and the kid, there was like the seven. And I'm like, what was the um the name of the lady used to make all the dresses? Yeah, she'd had her own spin-off where she got some of the girls to come and work for her, and at the end of it, they'd get like a job with her. But some of some of the girls were like, Really appreciate this, this is great. And some of them are just like fucking about, but she spoke to them with such respect, but also like authority, and being like, Don't fucking take the it was so good. I recommend if you I can't remember what it was called, but it was great. But the dresses are mad. The weddings, but they like that's like the massive event, isn't it? Getting married. There's a woman on Instagram and she does the videos like. The videography for like their weddings. Some of them are.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Oh, I wonder if this one will be on it then.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Yeah, because some of them like they're obviously being filmed and they don't want to be filmed, the women and they're just like, Hello. Yeah. Yeah, it was weddings and funerals, big laugh.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

Yeah, it was fascinating, really was. You saw a big carriage. Yeah, bought saw a big carriage, and then it was interesting seeing it all wind down and then them being at breakfast the next day. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was mad. Uh, why did I say that? Because you talk about knickerbocka glory. Oh. I love a knickerbock of glory.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

What's in a knicker bock glory? Is it just ice cream and a glory?

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Well, don't even, because I ended up, I thought I was gonna have FOMO because I thought Knickerbock of Glory was like ice cream, chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, a little bit of some sort of maybe like a brownie or something mushed up in there. Oh no, I've got to. And then cream on top and a little cherry and a cherry. This, so I went rogue and had this like hot cold chocolate thing, which was like chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, um cream, chocolate hot, a little jug of hot chocolate sauce, and then toasted big. I was worried they were gonna give me them stupid little ratty tiny uh ones, but they give me them big fat ones, proper toasted, cr cr like crusty on the outside, gooey in the middle. And I was and then when I saw Marvin in Knickerbock of Glory, I thought, thank god I didn't have that. Strawberries. Rammed with strawberries.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Rammed, nobody wants to be rammed with a strawberry, not this time and night. There was no knicker or bocker about that. I think they're quite I think that Sundays have evolved to a point where you I've I've said it and I'll say it again. Listen, the best the best Sundays are in Cornwall. I'd stick you go to a meatery But when you get it, might be in 50 years. You'll get it when you get it, but when you get it, Cornish, when you have a proper because they give you ice cream, the every base is the same. You get ice cream, you get clotted cream, squibby cream, squibby, I call it oh yeah, and meringue, right?

SPEAKER_03 24:23

All that mix, that's what I missed out. Take the brownie, put the meringue in it.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Yeah, meringue, and then whatever sauce it'll be strawberry, uh, caramel, chocolate, whatever. That's the base. But that the the base of it is just you can't go wrong with meringue and ice cream and cream.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

You cannot go wrong, and even you can have no one's saying don't have a bit of strawberry sauce, even though I'd prefer raspberry. But don't be plopping all your strawberries in. I've if I wanted my five a day, I would be having my five a day. Like, also, because it didn't specify what was in the knickerbock of glory. Thank god I didn't, I would have, I'm not even joking, I would have kicked off.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

My idea of a knickerbock of glory is that it's quite quite basic. Let me just ask. It shouldn't be strawberry. Knickerbock of Glory.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

But I remember there was this uh department I say department store, it wasn't a proper department store, but when my mum felt when I was younger that I was I wasn't bonding with her that much. So she'd take me every Saturday to this like department store that wasn't really a department store, and we'd go for a Knickerbock of Glory. And it and it just so I have such lovely memories of a Knickerbook of Glory. It is strawberry though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 25:36

What? This is not what I'm in my opinion, there's so many different pictures of there's one with peach in it, there's one with chicken, there's one with strawberry. Peach!

SPEAKER_03 25:47

But fundamentally, Knickerbock of Glory and Knickerbook of Glory with a fucking peach in it.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

I'm sorry, but I don't think a knickerbock of glory knows what the fuck it's doing.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

No. Maybe it's it's having it's having um it doesn't know who it is.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Fruit coolie with whipped cream. Kool-Ay. Do I say that wrong? Cool-like.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Cool lie!

SPEAKER_02 26:12

I say cocoon wrong as well, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

Lindsay, every single episode you just seem to want to tell us that you say cocoon wrong. I'll say it again.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

I say cocoon right, you fucking say it wrong, cocoon. And I was we were sorting out pillars. I say pillars. Pillow. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Cushions. They're not called neither nor. It's a fucking cushion. It's a pillar. A pillar is like a girder. That's what you're on about. What's a pillow down? Where's your pillar? This is a cushion. Pillar, having a little sleep. Yeah, this is a pillar. This is a cushion. It's a pillar. Well, if you went to a department store and says, hello, well, hello, no, I'll just speak. I'm looking for a pillar.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

They they would either Yeah, I'd say I want some pillars for my my sofa. No. They'll know what I'm on about. Rich, you know what? If I say I want some pillars for my sofa.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

If they they would go, did you ever do this when you were you go like that and like like that? So if you go, can I have a pillar? They'll just fucking ram your head in the pillar. Pillar.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Pillar. Yeah, no, yeah, but I would say pillows are more for bed.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

Thank you, Richard. But you I was worried then you were gonna appease her because you were scared of her, but you you did the right thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Nobody did the right thing, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

Let me tell you. What did you say to the nice men that made us get these? Did you say, can you get us a pillows? No, you fucking didn't.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

That's true. And it was on the walkie-talkie.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

I would bet the men who own the building in made it out. And the man has massive like they look, they've got the same face. They do have the same face. Nice men, but they've got hands. Like, I've never seen they're not builders' hands.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

They are builders' hands.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

No, no, they're not like because they were soft, but they were large. They weren't soft. I felt they were delicate. I shook his hand.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

I don't feel his hand, I didn't like rub his hand. I felt it. I let it linger and then gave it a little squeeze.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

And I well, I said to him, your hands are massive. But do you get bigger hands from from doing brickwork? Bigger? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

But because the sand's got in them. All the expanding foam.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Buy bricks at a time, one hand.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Yeah, but like they weren't long. He's not even got one of the metal things just with his hands.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

He doesn't use a trowel, he just uses his fucking finger. It has got like no, but is here but his his but he's not a builder now because he's got well they are, they're building because they've been up since seven building and doing this.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Yeah, but he's got jeans and uh business.

unknown 28:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

But yeah, but he's got but then surely after a time your hands would would wither away if you're not practical. They're inflaming.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

Rich has to be careful now because he can't say anything. Well, he's got secret cement in his trousers. What? Because you said he's got jeans on, but he's like in Shortshank Redemption, he's just got all this cement, so he's he's doing trying to break out of the building that he owns. No, so he's doing this, he's making the most of his work day. So we'll do this, and then I'll trot across to the building site, empty his jeans for some cement.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Anyway, they're very nice men, very nice, even though they're very important and own the building. Rich let me know the walking door. They come in and then Lindsay goes, pillars cushions, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

And then uh they come in, Lindsay goes, Oh sorry, what are you out doing in?

SPEAKER_00 29:44

I saw them and they explained. I said it was absolutely fine that you popped in because I saw the they're looking at their unit at the minute, and I I just said, Oh, by the way, it's absolutely fine that you popped in to see us. I said Lindsay just didn't have her eyebrows on.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

No, it's fine. No, I know you said they were gonna come around and say hello, because obviously they're in the building this first time here, but I find that I'm a lot me and Harriet when somebody meets together is is But they reacted well to me. They did react react well, considering I didn't have my eyebrows on.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Well, they brought four four or five of the people with them as well.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Four or five and two dogs? Was it two dogs? Two dogs. I only saw one dog. One cradling and one wolf. I thought that was a baby? No, that was a dog. Oh really? Did you think was it a dog?

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Yeah, yeah, it was two dogs.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Oh thank god am I seeing dogs' faces in babies God imagine that'd be so rude if I said that if I thought a baby looked like a dog. Well, is it bad that I think a dog looks like a baby? No, people would like that. A fungal? I thought it was in her arms. No, that was Yeah, sh she was cradling the baby, the dog baby. So even you think it's a baby now. No, the dog baby.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

There wasn't a baby. It was a dog the bab the dog was a baby.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

It was a dog with a bonnet and a dummy.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Yeah, in a pram. I saw a woman at at the at a pride march with a dog in a silver cross pram. They're about a thousand pounds then pram dog. Get that fucking dog on the floor, give it make it walk. Mac it walk. Make that dog walk. It's gonna get arthritis.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

So, in conclusion. Uh you I went to the I've been five times to the cinema and I went for I've been for loads of dinners. I went to Miller and Carter yesterday, I went to Nando's. I went to Nando's yesterday.

unknown 31:38

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

When it's fresh. Yeah. I stole the chicken on a stick.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

And if anyone wants to commission on and make a horror film where Lindsay's dressed as a chicken and she goes around killing people with the Nando's stick. I'm happy to be involved. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So that'll be good. Uh so I was oh, and then I went to see Lou Conran yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Oh, you've had a really big I I cried at the comedy store. That was quite nice. Well, do you know what it was? It's actually a nice cry. So I was I was meant to be doing three gigs, but I had a bit of I had lady issues and I was very tired. So I cancelled one gig that was in the middle, but I was still doing two gigs for the store. And um I didn't tell them the details of what was wrong with me, but when I got there, I said to I said, Oh, I'm not this is what's happening. And they moved me earlier in the late show so I could go home. That's nice. And I was like, That's so nice, you don't have to do that for me. But thank you. And I was so overwhelmed, I cried.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Well that made up for the time of the fucking idiots that the other gig that you were saying, but we can't go into it. We can't talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

That wasn't in London, that was but they were rats, they were rats, and I told a boy who was managing the show to fucking look at me when I was speaking to him. And I will say it again, and I will say it to any man who doesn't listen to me. Look at me when I'm fucking speaking to you. If you would like to know the story of that, do DM the group and I will tell you. Maybe we could put it on Patreon.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

We need to start this patron. We need to start. Did you start?

SPEAKER_02 33:08

Did you sort out the YouTube? No, because I've got false nails on. I can't use a keyboard. You're gonna have to wait till the nails are off, and then I'll start the YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

When will the nails be off?

SPEAKER_02 33:17

These are about four weeks.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Lindsay!

SPEAKER_02 33:20

All right, I'll take two off and then I can do that.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Thank you. Just take two off, put them back on after.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Okay, fair enough, okay. Um that was that's we've done a lot.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

Listener question.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

No, we'll save it for Amy.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

Okay. God loves you. Thank you for our service.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

Yes, please, if you have got any listed questions, drop them into us at socialmoffs.co.uk. We will start a patron at some point. We don't know when. We don't know when.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Wait a minute, I still can't get over that they reckon a knickerbook of glory is mainly strawberry heavy.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

Well, it's uh ice cream fruit.

unknown 33:51

Peach.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

We need to reclaim it back.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

Like um, do you know when people have put all the flags up because they're racist? We need to do that with ice cream.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Yeah, so replace the flags with knickerbook of glory. Yeah. Running down the mast.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

Yeah, and chocolate sauce. Okay, let's do it. We'll do that this week and then we'll get Andy back here. She's driven all this way for no reason. Anyway, thanks for coming. God. God.

unknown 34:14

Speed.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Speed.