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Social Moths
A comedy podcast about finding reasons to be sociable with mixed results.
Harriet Dyer (Live at The Apollo, Cats does Countdown), Lindsey Santoro (BBC Radio 4, Live at The Apollo) and Amy Mason (BBC Radio 1, Over 20 million views on TikTok)
Social Moths
Pre Chat Chats
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
With the Moths away at the Fringe and a technical mishap leaving us an episode short, Producer Rich has been let loose on the archives.
This week, we're bringing you The Pre-Chat Chat - the completely unfiltered conversations that happen before each episode officially starts.
Expect pregnancy confessions, cinema disasters, dating etiquette, broken dildos, questionable parenting, dry elbows, itchy nipples, caffeinated birdbaths and the story of Harriet drinking a cool pack as a child.
Basically, all the stuff that probably shouldn't make the podcast... now has.
The Moths will be back with a normal episode next week.
Harriet Dyer
Website - https://harrietdyer.com/media/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/harrietdyercomedy?igsh=dWI0dWtndWFsN2ph
Amy Mason
Website - https://amy-mason.com (Currently on tour - see website for dates)
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/amymasoncomedy?igsh=YzE3d3phY2xuM2E0
Lindsey Santoro
Website - https://www.lindseysantoro.co.uk
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/linzsantoro?igsh=MXN5aTJ5dHlnbjByag==
Producer - Richard Lannen
@richlannen
Produced by Nozzle Media
Website - https://nozzle.media
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nozzlemedia?igsh=MWVzbm5wano4czNwNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors.
SPEAKER_01Social moths.
SPEAKER_04Hello and welcome to Social Moths. You can already hear it is not a normal episode, and it's me, producer Rich, also known as Little Chino, Baby Chino, Chino Time, anything linked to my Chinos, to be honest. So the moths are away, it's the fringe this month. So if you haven't gone to see them, please do. While they were away, there was also a technical issue that meant that we are down an episode, so it's my job to fix it. So what I've decided to do is put together some of the pre-chat chat. So before every episode, we start rolling the cameras and audio just to test everything, and we capture some very unique conversations that don't always see the light of day. Sometimes for legal reasons, sometimes they just don't really fit into the rest of the conversation. So, in this episode, I have filled it with multiple pre-chat chats for you to listen to. And if you're on the Patreon, you'll also get to watch. So I hope you enjoy this episode. This is only for this week. The Moss will be back next week. So I hope you enjoy it. And if you don't, please don't tell me because I can't do anything about it.
SPEAKER_01Fine. But being pregnant, I'm not doing that again. What about adopting? Yeah, but I don't really want one enough to go through the admin.
SPEAKER_03Fair.
SPEAKER_01But David would do it. David don't want another one.
SPEAKER_00Did you have a hard pregnancy? Hire a what? Did you have a hard pregnancy?
SPEAKER_01No, not at all. Yes, you did. Oh, at the end I did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Sure, we did this podcast and another one, and um Lindsay, where this guy lived, was over about 50 speed bumps. Poor Lindsay was like, I cannot go through that journey with the speed bumps.
SPEAKER_01No, because every time I did, it was like she'd because her head was in, obviously, and I'd about eight months to go. And I'd be driving down the M40, and she'd just be booting me in the fuck. It's terrible.
SPEAKER_00It's a horrible feeling.
SPEAKER_01Little life inside you go, oh, every kick is magic. Every kick is that's weird, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00It's a very weird feeling.
SPEAKER_01No, thank you. Anyway. I'll never feel that. How do you know? Just put a cat up your jumper.
SPEAKER_02That should be a clip.
SPEAKER_00That was very funny. Yeah. Oh, have we started?
SPEAKER_01It's on. No, I'm looking at my phone.
unknownI didn't know I did pre-roll.
SPEAKER_01It gets it ready, so you didn't roll it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so that's still a clip, wouldn't we?
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't even know we were doing.
SPEAKER_03Why have I got caffeinated birdbath?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. That's very you. If you don't know, there's no hope.
SPEAKER_00That's like if we made Harriet diet in an AI, it would be the first thing it would be doing. It would be sitting there with a Gile having written caffeinated birdbath in a book. That is the Gilet. Harriet is now wearing the Gilet that she mentioned last episode that she bought to so she could write off tax.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. It's an it's you look like because you've got your Jurassic Park jumper underneath. There's a lot of you look like you are going to hunt.
SPEAKER_00Producer Rich just said, Oh my god, under his breath.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I got I was so well. I've told you, didn't I? I've got this. Where is it? Can you see that on my face? Not at all, mate. It just looks like you're shining a pen torch on your face.
SPEAKER_01No, it is the dinosaur logo, but you can't see it. Cordroid trousers on, a jumper on top of a t-shirt, I imagine, and then you've got a gilet. You are gonna I'm cold. You're asking for a yeast infection, that's what you are. Yeah, but the Gila's not on my fanny, is it? Yeah, but your heat where's the heat gonna go? It's only got one exit point.
SPEAKER_03It's gone Yeah, because it can't go on my ears either. Yeah, because you Why?
SPEAKER_01Because my hair is. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what do we do? We're gonna blow up Social Mouth Podcast. I like it. What is that podcast?
SPEAKER_03You know, when you put a a Yorkshire, not a Yorkshire pudding, a Christmas pudding and then the pressure cooker.
SPEAKER_00They're irrigated just gonna go boop.
unknownOh that'd be god.
SPEAKER_01That'd be good.
SPEAKER_03And they're really good. The other one was that one, oh I love Michelle Pfeiffer. You know the one where her husband like her husband's a fuck. Her husband's Harrison Harrison Ford. And is he the one in the boat?
SPEAKER_01Like the bath, and she's like, I've gotta do the plug with my foot. What lies beneath? What lies beneath? Was that the husband who was the bad end? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, in the others, that Nicole Kibbben film in The House Where She's a Ghost, at the end where the old lady goes like that out of the cupboard. I think there's like a I can't remember, they're doing like a seance, and the old lady's face comes. I screamed so loudly that everyone in the cinema laughed. Like, laughed a lot, and it kind of like put a damn on the whole end of the film for everyone.
SPEAKER_01Who was the one who was Catwoman? Michelle Pfeiffer. No, no, the other catwoman, it was a battery. Halleberry. Yes.
SPEAKER_03And Anne Hathaway.
SPEAKER_01Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway of pretending to be a cat. Such a way. Um no, it was no Halliberry. And there's a film, and that was a horror film. And there was a bit when she like bends over to pick and the the man's behind her, or like the demon. And I was in the cinema and it's the same thing. I went, oh fuck me. Oh fuck me. Yeah. And everyone was like, You know, right. I was like, no, we're all watching the same film.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I saw a film recently, and it was really funny, but no one was laughing other than me and Marvin.
SPEAKER_01I just think sometimes our levels of comedy are off on a different planet to other people.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, like I laugh if there's like a really ferocious murder, maybe that's it. That will do it. Because there was one where like an arm threw through the flew through the air. It was so funny because it was ridiculous and no one else laughed. And I was like, That's an arm.
SPEAKER_01Don't forget to start the timer, for God's sake.
SPEAKER_00Can I can I I really hate how I look like a um old like You're in charge of your own posture, Amy. Woman. Is that right?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00I think you should turn slightly your chair towards I think I end up. Yeah, can you still hear me if I'm there?
SPEAKER_01I will never stay erect if I No, you're a fucking schlumper unbelievable. Unbelievable schlump.
SPEAKER_03Unbelievable. My dad used to correct, like we're at the dinner table. My mum my dad used to like correct my mum's posture, and I just think it's fucking horrible. And my mum's done back to me and I want to punch him in his fucking head. Yeah, don't correct my don't tell me to be quiet and don't correct my fucking posture. Exactly. Oh my god, if anyone ever goes shush.
SPEAKER_01Oh, if someone shushes me, I lose my fucking temper. I'm fucking raised, isn't it? Anyway.
unknownFuck me.
SPEAKER_01It's because my dad used to tell me to shut up all the time.
SPEAKER_03My dad always tells me to when he's taking a photo to stop pulling a silly face. It's literally my face. It's not my mum, though she goes, Can't I have a nice one?
SPEAKER_01I remember a saying she used to go, all my friends have got lovely pictures of their kids on their desks at work, and I can't have a single photo of you three look just looking like normal humans.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but it captures what the reality which is your kids are ugly. Fuck no, very expressive. Oh my god, did I tell you? So me and Tani Johns did this gig, and it was so funny, she put the picture online. Basically, she just told me how a dog killed three chill hours, and then what you're gonna say children. Her dog, no, uh her cousin's dog, ask her to show the the voice note is like her cousin going, here uh late love, Danny. Just to let you know, if you've stolen my dog, I will be coming with three massive gypsies and we will be killing you. Like she like it's a threat, but she starts to live love. Anyway, so she told me about these dead chihuahuas, and then and then the man for the promo for the event has taken a photo of me and Danny, so we're just like really sad because I've just heard about these dead chihuahuas.
SPEAKER_00Why did she think that her why did she think that Danny didn't make the dog?
SPEAKER_03Oh, because she's um uh someone told her. Someone told her that Danny did, and Danny was like, What? No. Hello. Hi. Welcome to Social Moths. I've got a burp for a reason.
SPEAKER_01Let it out, Harriet! Don't leave it.
SPEAKER_03No, it's a little Yeah, but that can snowball and then come out the other end. Oh my god, that's like when you first meet. I genuinely believe this. If you when you first start dating someone, you need to just let you need to quickly fart in front of them because otherwise, I know a man who hadn't even farted in front of someone and then he married her. That's a terrible spaces for a marriage.
SPEAKER_01Rollin', roll in, roll in, roll in. Richard, Richard, the magic clock, Richard. Otherwise, we will we'll never leave. I'd like to watch Limp Bizkit. They're on at downloads, you know. Um, are they doing the Friday? And I really want to go, but I'm I'm I thought they did it last year. They did it all the fucking time. Oh really? I'd love to see them. One of my favourite memories of being at a gig was uh with my friend Cherry, and my I was staying, we were staying in the disabled camp because my friend had broken her leg. My friend had broken her leg, so we were right near this the we were not near everything, and I was camping with my friend Cherry and her husband Ratty. Ratty. Ratty. Oh, his skating name is Rolling Rat. She's playing roller derby with him. I used to love Rolling Rat. Rolling Rat looks like Rolling Rat. You word that so up your streak. Rolling Rat. We love rolling. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but my friend who had crutches and a broken leg disappeared for half the day. Um, Ratty disappeared, we couldn't find him, but Cherry had his wallet. So me and Cherry got really drunk. We watched Rob Zombie and then um not Limp Biscuit, it was Lincoln Park, but I remember we were so far at the back of the hill, and we were do you know when you're so pissed, you're just like, This is wonderful. It was freezing cold, and we were literally rolling on the floor, hugging each other, listening to curling in musking. And I was like, God, I hope my friend breaks a leg every year. Um I wish he breaks like every leg. But uh that was my favourite. But I'd I would love to go and see Limp Biscuit and Lincoln Park's on again. That's what I was Oh, I'd be up for that. Yeah, I think I'm gigging, which is sad, but Yeah, I'd love to.
SPEAKER_03Keep rolling, rolling. He had this version of rolling rolling with DMX and Red Man, maybe. Oh yeah. And it it was it it's called the Urban Assault Mix, and it's like drum and bass. Oh, it's just fantastic, but it's quite aggressive. I once played it with the kids and they were traumatised. Good.
SPEAKER_01Hello and welcome. Oh sorry, I didn't know we were starting. My elbows are so dry. I could start a fire. Dry.
SPEAKER_03Um I want a bomber jacket in that nail colour, like a shiny chrome. Right. Are we ready? What was I gonna say? And the timer, Richard.
SPEAKER_01Please don't forget the timer, Richard. Do I know what I'm doing? Testing the levels, testing the levels, the levels are tested. We're testing the level. Level. Level low. Level high. Amy Mason. Hello, no sick. Oh, Amy, why aren't you doing a Amy's not schlampin'? I thought you'd go low.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01I think I could have been an opera singer.
SPEAKER_00When you go low, I go high.
SPEAKER_01I could be one if I wanted to.
unknownMe.
SPEAKER_01Itchy nips I've got.
SPEAKER_00Itchy nips, I've got. That's the most classic Lindsay Santoro phrase I've ever heard.
SPEAKER_01I've got itchy nips. Who's doing the intro this time? Me. No, yeah. I like doing it. Great.
SPEAKER_03Look, I don't think Amy's ever done it.
SPEAKER_01Amy's not interested. She's just here.
unknownIt's true.
SPEAKER_01She's worried about a dildos.
unknownIs that like too high, though?
SPEAKER_03It is. Oh my god, yeah, it's it's like on her forehead, Richard. And is mine too low? No. So you're trying to block Amy's face?
SPEAKER_00I've got a very flaky bit. We're all I like the way that our clothes all sort of like go together like we're in a girl. Yeah, we've accidentally uh naughty's band where they've styled us.
SPEAKER_03Is my my shirt can my shirt stay there? It's not in that lens. No good. It doesn't look ironed.
SPEAKER_02What did I do? Ayoi. When I hung out with Lindsay and her daughter, her daughter was then going ai. Yeah, I can't go, ai, ai. Oh, did you go aye?
SPEAKER_03How are you spelling it? Ai ai.
SPEAKER_01Just noise, I think. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oy ai-yoi. I used to say, and I've stopped saying it because she started saying it, was call gobblime. And having a four-year-old go, call god blame.
SPEAKER_03I was I don't know why I said it because I don't really say it in other life, but I was saying capiche. Capiche.
SPEAKER_01I know you think she taught me. She when she came round the other week, she taught May. Whenever she whenever Harriet explained anything to my four-year-old daughter, she'd then finish it off with capiche. And then May started going, capiche.
SPEAKER_00That's a great thing. My daughters put um, they found badges for my show. I've give away badges, and they say um badges. Badges. Badges. If there's an opportunity for Harriet to think badges, she does love her badge.
SPEAKER_01She loves badges. I saw one dead on the road the other day.
SPEAKER_00I thought have foot of you.
SPEAKER_01You saw one. A dead one squashed. Oh no. I didn't do it, Harriet. I was just driving past. I've only got your word for it. It was probably living in your boot.
SPEAKER_03Trapped in your bonnet.
SPEAKER_00What's on your badge? What's on your badge? I have badges for my show that say Amy Mason, but hold it. My kids found them, my daughters found them, and they were wearing them, and my show's really dirty, like really filthy, the content. So it felt a bit weird than wearing badges for my show. And I said, Oh, you're wearing, I said, Oh, my show's quite rude. It's got quite a lot of swear words in it. They said, Oh, if if we're wearing them, can we put our middle fingers up? And I went, Oh yeah, alright then. So they both just stuck the middle finger up at me.
SPEAKER_01Well, at least the badge didn't say like I'm a mice and suck a dick or something. Or kiss a tooth.
SPEAKER_03My dude, my dildo's are broken. My dildo's are broken. My dildos are broken. Yeah. We're supposed to save the environment by drinking water in these stupid things, but it just tastes of metal. It stinks. Do you know? Yeah. That just smells like a beaver's armpit. But that's you not cleaning your butt like you dirty quick. But I have. I've been wiggling it around the sink.
SPEAKER_00What have you put in there then?
SPEAKER_03What have you been putting in?
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's hot. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Oh well no wait a minute. When I watered it.
SPEAKER_00No, the water that I thought it was cold water, no. No.
SPEAKER_01Buxton.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_01Why don't you you can get um like disinfectant? Well you know, when you uh have a baby and you have to you have them tablets to uh disinfe you just drop one of them in overnight. Not cowgun. Don't drop a fucking cowgon in it, you'll be fucking freaking stamping away. I think you have done that once. It's like a flagged at all. It's got a thing, what's the word? It's like a disinfect you get them up for baby, but you drop them in. Milton or some. Milton, Milton. Yeah, just get a Milton and drop a Milton in. Milton Jones. Milton Jones, the comedian. Right. Now my god, did you know you say that?
SPEAKER_03But because I used to have a bit about it, I did drink a uh uh a cool pack when I was a child.
SPEAKER_01This is probably where everything's so Ruth Layton's mum rang my mum.
SPEAKER_03Someone I went to school with. She rang her mum, rang my mum to go just to let you know. Um the Ruth's come home from school with an empty cool pack and Harriet's drank it. And I asked where it had gone, Harriet drank it.
SPEAKER_02So I think you might need to send Harriet to the hospital. Mum was like, she's fine.
SPEAKER_03It's just water, isn't it? No, it's like a chemic, it's like, you know, those silicon jowl packs. Yeah. It's like that in liquid form.
SPEAKER_01I thought it's just no evidence. She's got no evidence, but she's saying it with conviction. It's a chemical, and I've drank it. And look at me now, I'm shining bright in the Apollo. Exactly. This could be you.
SPEAKER_03But if you put things onto my armpits, the cool them down. Well, your corners, well, soft. The corners were crispy.
SPEAKER_00It was all crispy on the top. Oh, I love lasagna.
SPEAKER_01It was delicious. So 15 cups of tea. Are you filming?
SPEAKER_03How many fifteen how many cups of tea have you?
SPEAKER_01Are you?
SPEAKER_03When I'm here I drink more, but usually only one or two. But if I've got guests around or I'm here, I'll have half a cup of tea and then just leave it. I'm terrible for that. I'm on about uh no more than ever five, I don't think. Huh? And if I have a a a teapot, that'd be absolutely off my head. So how many you?
SPEAKER_00I have like two cups of coffee in the morning. And I probably have about six more cups of tea.
SPEAKER_03This is I was gonna me and Jack were talking about this when we go to the gym because the um you know, when people got water bottles, we would we thought it'd be funny in the background, you know, with a tea dog drinking out of a teapot stuff. On the treadmill, yeah. But in the background. Yeah, seriously. Oh yeah, with a stew pot. My brother feels like he eats like when I'm hugging him, it just feels so spindly. But then he'll go up to Marvin. He will never go up to me and hug me of his own accord, but he'll go up to Marvin and hug him.
SPEAKER_01I think he would actually, my brother would actually probably snog David. With tongues. And feet? I don't know. It's not the feet.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_03So he'll cut Pete David's face with his feet. Like a toad.
SPEAKER_01Like a little Amy's going, may we start? Richard, please start the club.
SPEAKER_00I was thinking, have we started?
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03This is the pre-chat chat. Be chat chat chat. Shoulda be, could have been. Nobody knows this song. It's in the charts. I can't expect you to be so current.
SPEAKER_04I hope you enjoyed this episode. The moss will be back next week with a regular episode, but we will keep recording pre-chat chats and maybe we'll bring out another one of these at a later date. Thank you for listening and until next time.