Episode 26: Rejection, Finding Your Style & Protecting Studio Time

In this episode of The Creative Couch, I respond to three thoughtful creative dilemmas from Kate, Anabelle and Ruth, exploring rejection, artistic identity, finding your style, rebuilding confidence and learning to protect your creative time.

Kate has spent the last six months trying to turn her lino printing into something more professional. She has created an Etsy shop and website, approached stockists and applied to craft and print fairs, but so far has had very little response. At the same time, she has accepted a well-paid corporate job, despite knowing that what she really wants is to become a full-time artist. The lack of sales and opportunities has begun to feel like evidence that perhaps nobody wants her work, while visiting galleries and exhibitions leaves her longing to be part of an art world that can feel frustratingly exclusive. We explore the difference between rejection and information, why six months is such a short period in the life of an artistic practice, and why sometimes the next step after making work is not selling it, but simply making more work.

Anabelle studied art when she was younger but walked away from it twenty years ago after a difficult experience at university left her questioning her creativity. More recently, she has begun drawing again and challenging the story she has told herself for years that she is simply not a creative person. But after one drawing failed to live up to her expectations, she stopped working in her sketchbook altogether and is now questioning what she should draw, whether she should pursue realism or something looser, and how she is supposed to develop her own artistic style. We discuss why style is something that emerges through practice rather than something we choose in advance, how one disappointing drawing can reactivate very old beliefs, and why having a structure to follow can help us stop overthinking and simply keep turning up.

Ruth has spent years teaching and supporting other people creatively and is now consciously trying to create more space for her own artistic practice. She wants to protect regular studio time, but struggles with how to describe that time to family and to herself. Calling it “work” feels uncomfortable when she is not currently exhibiting or selling, yet calling it anything softer seems to make it feel negotiable. We explore imposter syndrome, why unpaid studio practice is still work, the importance of treating creative time with the same seriousness as any other professional commitment, and how the boundaries we create around our practice teach other people how to respect it too.

Also in this episode, I share this week’s Loving Lately: Finland Airport. After travelling through Helsinki recently, I was struck by how calm, considered and genuinely enjoyable the whole experience felt. It was one of those places that made travelling feel surprisingly easy, and I absolutely loved it.

In this episode, we explore:

• What rejection can and cannot tell us about our artwork
• Why six months is a very short time to judge a creative career
• The difference between being an artist and earning your entire income from art
• Why the art world can feel exclusive when you're standing on the outside looking in
• How old creative criticism can continue to shape the stories we tell ourselves
• Why one unsuccessful drawing is not evidence that you should stop
• How artistic style develops through practice rather than being chosen in advance
• Why structure can help when you feel directionless in your creative practice
• Why studio time is still work, even when nobody is paying you for it
• How protecting your creative time helps other people learn to respect it
• Why consistency often matters more than waiting for inspiration

Each dilemma is explored through both its emotional and practical layers, with ideas and exercises you can apply to your own creative practice.

If you have a creative dilemma you'd like me to explore in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at:

thecreativecouchpod@gmail.com

If you're feeling stuck in your own creative practice and would like support, you can find out more about my creative coaching, workshops and artwork at:

www.sammarshallart.com

You can also find me on Instagram at @sammarshallart.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Creative Couch. I'm some martial artist and creative coach. This is a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of a creative life. Each week I respond to three real creative dilemmas sent in by listeners, exploring both the emotional side of what you're experiencing and some practical ways to move forward. And from time to time, I'll also be joined by other artists to talk about their creative life, their practice, their challenges, and what keeps them going. Hello and welcome back to the creative couch. I hope you are all well. We are back from our break. So Marple's back from London, you can see her in the background. I'm back from Helsinki, which was absolutely wonderful. I loved it. I loved it. I have to say, I think it's probably one of my favourite cities. I just, yeah, I fell in love with it. And I think for me, there was lots of similarities between Finland and Japan. I found it really clean, I found it very friendly, I found it really safe. Um, you know, the design elements of you know, the Finnish design and the Japanese design, I sort of noticed a lot of parallels, and especially in the second hotel I stayed in. Um, so if you haven't watched my Helsinki vlogs, it feels really crazy as a 51-year-old to be using the word vlog, but I kind of it is it's like a video diary, so I'm gonna I'm gonna go with it. Um yeah, vlog. If you haven't watched my Helsinki vlog, then please do go and have a look. You will find it on YouTube. Um, yeah, there's lots of videos on there, and I'm currently kind of getting in the habit of recording weekly videos at home here as well, which is really nice, and people seem to be really responding to it. So, and it's great because when I was at art school, um I specialized in fine art media and you know, I made short films. So, in in many ways, I'm going back to my roots, and I'm really enjoying the creative process of editing and you know, filming. I'm I I find it really rewarding. Um, yeah, so it's nice that I'm making use of those skills that I taught myself. Uh what am I, 51? So uh goodness, 35 years ago. Anyway, um, welcome to the podcast. So loving lately. Um, well, what am I loving lately? I tell you what, I am loving. I loved Helsinki Airport. I have never been in such an amazing airport. It was incredible. It had music in the toilets, beautiful sounds of the woods in the toilets, birds in the toilets. They had this amazing kind of huge um circular projection in one part of the airport where you stood in the middle, and then there was just all of these scenes of woodland, and it was just incredible. And the shops were amazing. I mean, there was Marimeco shops, there was Moomin shops. It was such an amazing airport. I mean, I'd go back just to go back to the airport. I mean, I love airports anyway. I I'm I'm a bit of an airport geek, and yeah, I loved it. I loved it. I even went there slightly early on Saturday when I was coming home, so I could hang out in the airport. Anyway, that's my loving lately. So today I'm also saying I'm also gonna uh reach out and uh do a bit of a plea. I need more dilemmas. I my barrel is running very low. The emails I I think I've probably got three more dilemmas in the email bank. So, guys, please do send me your dilemma. If you're sitting there thinking, oh, I can't email my dilemma in, you know, Sam won't answer it, or you know, um, it's not worthy enough, or maybe it's a bit silly, please don't think that. Just send it in. Send it in. And even if it's not quite right for the podcast, or if it's most of them are, but some of them are are really simple questions which I can answer just by an email. So, you know, just send them in and and I will respond, you know, I will respond in some shape or form via either emailing you with a quick answer or answering on the podcast. So please do send your dilemmas in. Don't be shy. I'm very friendly, probably too friendly, too friendly for some people. Uh anyway, let's get on with the dilemmas. So today, my friends, we are answering Kate's dilemma, we are answering Annabelle's dilemma, and we are answering Ruth's dilemma. Right, let's get into it, as the cool kids say. And I'm obviously a cool kid. Right, so Kate writes that she has spent the last six months trying to move her lino printing from something she loves doing into something she could potentially build a career around. She has created a Etsy shop, she's got a website, and she has approached stockists and applied to fairs. But so far, she's had very little response. At the same time, she has uh she was headhunted for a very well-paid corporate job, which gives her financial security, but it was also sharpened the feeling that what she really wants is to be a full-time artist. The lack of sales and opportunities is making her question whether her work is wanted at all. And when she visits galleries, exhibitions, and other art spaces, rather rather than feeling simply inspired inspired, she feels as though she's standing on the outside of an exclusive world that she desperately wants to be part of. So I think Kate is really answering asking this question, you know, do I keep pursuing this and trust them, trust that my work and career needs time to develop? Or is all this rejection telling me that I should accept art as a hobby and give up the on the idea of becoming a professional artist? Right, so let's unpack this both in the emotional layer, practical layer, and then give Kate some homework. I think the painful thing here is that Kate has taken something, you know, very vulnerable and made it really public. Um, and you know, put it in front of the world. And what it feels like is the world has said, no thanks. You know, she's applied to fairs, she's applied to stockist shops, and they've said no. And so, you know, you you you've done this really vulnerable thing, and people in your head have said, no, no thanks, not interested, not good enough. And I think it's very easy to take that information. I haven't been accepted by these fairs, these shops have turned me down, to make the assumption that your work isn't good enough, and then from that, you then lead on to maybe I'm not really an artist, or if I am an artist, I'm not a good artist, I'm not a worthy artist. And I think that feeling of going into a galleries and art spaces and thinking, I want to be part of this world, when you're standing on the outside looking in, it can seem as if everybody else is kind of in a club that you desperately want to be in and you're not allowed in. But the thing is, Kay, I don't think a gallery, a shop, an Etsy customer gets to decide if you are an artist. I don't I think it comes down to you and your belief in yourself. And also I think I would question this idea that you have almost that came through in your in your in your dilemma that either you know you're either a full-time art, sorry, you're an either a you you know you're working in a full-time job and your art is a hobby, you know, as a as this little extra thing in the end there, or you know, you're a full-time artist and that's what happens. And actually, I think there's there's so much in between there. And I think using the word hobby is really devaluing your work, because I I think actually you're in a really good position here that that you've got this full-time job that can take the burden off your work. And I would almost see that as your second job, you know, see your artwork as your second job rather than calling it a hobby, which you know, I've had people come up to me when I'm outside drawing, and you know, especially men saying, Oh, is this your hobby? And I feel like you know, I feel like pushing them off. I remember I was on a sitting on a wall in Lyme Regis, and some was it Lyme Regis or somewhere around there? Some guy came along and and uh I felt like pushing him, pushing him, pushing him away from me. Um anyway, apologies if you can hear that noise in the background. That's the electrician who's um making lots of noise. I can't really tell him to stop, so he's he's gonna continue. Um anyway, so what I was saying is that I think you're in a really good position here, in that you've got this full-time job that can support you, and you don't need to worry about make your artwork making money for you at the moment. But it's also reframing that idea of that the art becomes this sort of little sad thing by the side, you know, your hobby. And when actually it's not, it's bigger than that. You've proved it's bigger than that. So I think it's important that you give it the the importance that it deserves. Um you know you're an artist, Kate. You know you're an artist. You know, you can have a full-time job and be an artist, it's not one or another. Okay, so I think that's really important that that that that reframing happens in your head, and that you you you know, you've it's great that you've got this full-time job that enables you to to make your work and not feel pressurized to sell it. Okay. And I and we'll move on to the practical layer because I actually think that six months is a very short period in a in a in a in the life of an artistic practice or a creative business. Um and I'm not going to dismiss exactly what's happened because I think if you do apply for, you know, uh representation or you approach galleries or you know apply to be stopped in shops and and and if and people don't respond. Now that is information, and it's not uh necessarily the information I think you think it is, which is nobody wants my art. It can also mean that my art needs longer to develop. It might mean that the work isn't coherent enough yet. It might be that the presentation or the website isn't presenting itself or communicating in the best way. It might mean that you're just applying to the wrong shops or the wrong fairs, you know, it simply means it could just simply be that, you know, at the time, you know, these these these places, these art fairs are really competitive. And I think that that that to sort of be, you know, take that information as well, they just don't want it, therefore my work is is is not is not valid, is a really limited way of looking at it because I think it's much more nuanced than that. And also I think this is important because I I hear this a lot. I think once you start making work, I think very quickly we go into this mindset of like, well, I'm making work, therefore I should sell it. And actually, I think what happens there is that the work then becomes you start making the work for who your audience, which this imaginary audience, and you stop making it for yourself. I often will, especially in my coaching sessions, you know, I will gently steer my creatives away from trying to sell their work when I don't think they're ready, when I think that actually their work needs a much longer, a much longer time to percolate, to develop. I feel like often, you know, there is this tendency to want to wrap everything up and get that validation. Whereas actually, I think it's much healthier for you to sit with the work for a while and allow it to develop in the way that it needs to develop without having to think about this imaginary audience, you know, these people that you're trying to make the work for. And actually, I do think that this having this job, again, I'm going to say it again, having this job, having this financial security is really good because it takes that pressure away from having to make the work to sell. Because as soon as you start making work to sell, and you have that mindset, you're going to be making work for this imaginary audience rather than making the work for yourself. It could be possible, Kate, that it's just your work just isn't ready yet. You know, your work just probably isn't ready yet. It needs time to percolate, it needs time to develop, it needs the time to stretch its legs, you know. So I think rather than asking, I wrote down here, rather than asking, how do I make the work sell, I would be asking yourself, you know, what does my work need from me next? How can I best support my work? Yeah, rather than saying, right, how can I make how can I make money out of this? And I the thing is, Kay, I don't think it's about money for you here at all. I think it's about validation. I think it's about you putting your work out in the world and people responding to it in a positive way. And I think that's the thing here. It's not about the money, it's not about making it sell and making money from it. I think it's about you, you know, wanting that validation from other people. And I think what you have to work on before that is validation that comes from yourself, that you think your work is valid, you think your work is, you know, uh representing you in the best way it can. So I think for the next six months, I would like you to just take the pressure off. Take the pressure off, you know, keep keep your Etsy Etsy site up, you know, obviously keep it up, keep it updating, keep keep looking around at other Etsy sites that you think are inspirational. You know, maybe look at your. I mean, I don't know because I haven't seen your Etsy shop, but you know, maybe you want to have some time to think about how best to photograph things. It might mean that you, you know, you could take this time to kind of fine-tune your actual shop rather than thinking about making sales. I want you to think about this this phase as a as a as a development phase. So, what I would say is is get all your work out, all the work that you've done over the past six months, and try and assess it as if it belongs to another artist and ask yourself, what am I drawn to here? You know, what work feels the strongest? What work do I want to make more of? What feels less resolved? Can I see connections starting to emerge? Okay. And that is all information. And I'm what I'm hoping is that you're able to then, you know, with that, put it, put a pile of active work that you feel that you really want to develop. You know, rather than having a piece of this and a piece of that, you know, choose one thread and really explore it, you know. I mean, it could, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what your work is like, Kate. I don't know, but it could be that you've got, you know, some landscapes, you could have some portraits, you could have some still life. Let's just take some really obvious examples, okay? And rather than keep producing a bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of that, you actually think, actually, no, my these still lives are really interesting to me. And let's just concentrate on that. Let's just concentrate on building up a body of work that involves static objects on a table, okay? So I think then make a small body of work around that thread that really interests you, okay, because I think coherence is really important. As you know, because I feel like you've had a time of exploration, but now it's time because I think when you start off, you do cast your net really wide, don't you? But now it is possibly time for you to just take hone in a little bit and kind of you know, focus and see what happens when you allow something to really evolve, when you explore a theme, when you explore a thread, because I think that that will help you feel like there is uh, you know, a kind of coherence with your work. And that makes it easier then to perhaps present the work to a gallery or to a shop, and you know, when you've got a body of work that is all speaking the same language, that is essentially, you know. Um so I hope that helps, Kate. I I but I I do think having that time to really focus will will enable you to look at the work again. And then I think you that you will be it'll be really clear to you that actually, you know, you're presenting something very different to what you were presenting six months ago. And I I feel that perhaps in a way you're asking your artwork to become a business when it's not ready yet. You've got a full-time job, that's great, that's paying the way. It's now about managing your time so that you give your second job the attention it needs, and you're building that up slowly in the background. Okay. So I would just say, just enjoy this time and don't see it as a failure. Just take it as information that perhaps that you know the work isn't quite ready yet, and it just needs time to develop and evolve. Okay, hope that's helpful, Kate. Thank you for your dilemma. Right, moving on to Annabelle. So Annabelle says she studied art throughout school and foundation, but she had a difficult experience during the first year of her degree with a tutor who was dismissive of her work and pushed her in a direction that didn't feel right. How many of us can relate to that? Um, she left art behind and for the next 20 years told herself that although she could draw and paint, she wasn't particularly creative and didn't have ideas of her own. More recently, she has started challenging that story and recognising all the ways creativity has actually been present in her life. She has begun drawing again, keeping things simple with coloured pencils and working largely from photographs she has taken herself. She was enjoying having a regular practice, but then started worrying about direction and style, asking questions like should she draw realistically, should she explore something more impressionistic, and how does she find her visual language? And she writes to me that so her email was in two stages. So there was one part of the email that she'd written a few months ago, and then there was another addition to the email, which is she just wrote saying that since writing the original email, she's had a setback. She became excited by an idea, tried it once, didn't like the result, and hasn't touched her sketchbook now for at least a month. And um, you know, Annabelle writes that now the summer holidays have started, she wants to begin again, but she doesn't know what to draw or whether to return to that unsuccessful idea. I think there's a lot of stories that are going on in your dilemma, Annabelle. I I think there's a very old story sitting underneath all of this, and that is that that tutor 20 odd years ago said something to you that made you question your work. And you know, that person obviously had authority and was really clumsy in the way that they delivered their feedback. And I feel that that then shifted something. I mean, it must have been impactful because you wouldn't have included it in your email, you know. So therefore, I think you've been carry you've carried around this story about whatever that tutor said to you that that made you feel like you had to change direction. And I feel like you've carried some of that judgment away with you from that from that um initial feedback. And I I I you know what struck me also was this idea that you said you've kept you said it twice in the email, I'm not very creative. And I don't hear that as a fact. I feel I if I feel like as a story that you have repeated to yourself over the past 20 years, because you've proved that wrong. You know, you write in your email that you know you you have creativity in your life. There's there's you know, you you you decorate your home, the way that you dress, um you know, you see you see beauty and ordin ordinary things, and so that tells me that creativity has been there all along, you know, but you've told yourself and you are telling yourself and you continue to tell yourself that you're not really creative. You can draw and you can paint, but that you're not very creative. And that just seems contradictory to me. And I think also this whole story comes back really quickly and I think it's demonstrated um in the the the the the recently where you gave up working on this idea because very quickly the um you you told yourself that well what's the point you know this isn't working it'll just be rubbish again if I start over I think we we we need to really look at this quite carefully because I think we need to interrupt this you know a drawing going badly doesn't tell you anything mean of meaningful about whether you're creative or not it just means that a drawing that you did didn't you didn't like you know and it and again I I I really don't use I don't like using the word good or bad drawings because I think it's not helpful you know um so I'm not going to say it was a bad drawing I'm just going to say is it just a drawing that didn't work for you. And also there's this this this feeling in your email that you're putting an enormous pressure on yourself to know what kind of artist you are. You know am I a realism? Am I doing you know do I enjoy exploring realism or or is my work more expressionistic? And at the moment I don't know I don't know why you feel that that you need to decide that I I think you're asking yourself these questions too soon after re-entering this this this world of not creativity because like I say I think you've been ex being creative all along but this you know way of expressing yourself with with pencil and paper in a way I think rather than asking yourself you know what style do I have it's it's about being curious again isn't it it's about being curious to see what happens when you keep turning up to the page and you keep making work and being curious about oh okay that's interesting that's an interesting mark that I've made there you know I didn't expect to make that mark or just having curiosity about you know the subjects that you're choosing to to to go towards because when you say I don't know what to draw I think you're there's that idea that you have to you know make something or choose something really spectacular to draw when you don't you can choose something underneath your kitchen cabinet to draw you know I remember during lockdown I did this run this session where we drew stuff underneath your kitchen sink you know it doesn't matter what you draw I think you're overthinking it overthinking this Annabelle so I wouldn't choose a style at all I I think that's not helpful I I and I I don't feel it's helpful and this is why I always steer people away from it and and I I don't think it's helpful to do workshops or where you're looking at somebody else's style and they're showing you how they do it you do it how they do it and then you do it along with them because I I feel that that's always giving other people more power in a way that you feel like you have to have this uh this this figure of authority showing you what to do when actually I feel that you know by trusting your own innate abilities you develop your own way of working just by turning up and doing it without having that that well you know apply it here apply it there and this is what I do and that's why I steered clear of doing anything like that in sketch in my book sketch I mean there is one piece of there is a double page spread where I show you how I put together my drawings but that isn't in any shape or form because I want you to do that because I don't think that's helpful because you'll end up drawing like me and why would you want to draw like me when you're not me do you see what I mean here so I think that you your style develops through time and just turning up and making the work your language develops through making it comes from the subjects you repeatedly notice the colours that you choose the marks that you make you don't need to find your style your style will emerge if you keep turning up and I think you're uh you're you're using sort of there's a lot of energy going into that question of what should I draw what style should I use should I carry on with ice all this I idea and I think actually the decision making and the inner angst that's happening is really tiring and I feel that actually it's kind of getting in the way of you just making some work. So my homework for you Annabelle is really simple okay is if you've got my book sketch and this isn't a marketing I I I didn't even answer this email because I thought I was going to say this but I do think my book sketch would be really helpful for you here because what it does do is take takes away the pressure of deciding what to draw in a way because there's projects that you follow and a book is is designed to to hold your hand through the process of re-engaging with drawing and and developing a practice. I want you to feel like I've got your back here with the book. The book will if you follow it as it's supposed to be followed and that is from the first exercise to the last exercise then I feel you'll emerge with a with a practice and a drawing practice and you'll see what's happening with your style because I I feel that's what you need. It's almost like you you need a structure and the book I think will give you the structure and and I don't want you to to to kind of just look through a book and think actually I'm gonna do that exercise. I want you to follow it as it's supposed to be and even if it takes you six months it's fine you know it takes you a year it doesn't matter but use that book as your anchor as your grounding force you know so it takes away the pressure of you deciding what you're gonna draw because I'm telling you what to draw. I mean I'm not telling you what to draw I'm giving you suggestions as to what to draw but I'm not saying right you go need to go and draw that chair over there. I'm just giving you suggestions. So I'm giving you a framework within which to work and I think that's what you need at the moment you know some exercises you'll love some you won't that's fine that's information again isn't it so your job at the moment Annabelle is just to keep turning up keep drawing and keep noticing and trying to put aside that's those those voices in your head that are telling you that you need to do this you need to do that that that those voices will still be there. I mean that is it's really hard isn't it to not use those voices to listen to those voices or that voice whatever I mean I've got a whole section in the book about you know the inner critic and I think it's helpful I mean I've got this little character here I've got him from Japan and I have him next to me on my desk because you know I sometimes hear myself saying negative things about myself and I I like to think that this this little chap so I can externalize it. I'm like well that's not really me this is this little chap in the corner chuntering away you know anything that helps you disconnect from those voices in your head then then then you know I'm embracing it. Anyway I hope that's helpful Annabelle and um yeah best of luck with everything. Okay so moving on to Ruth my goodness I'm getting really thirsty I am tempted to pause this and then edit them together. Will I do that? I've never done that before I feel like I do need to do that. I'm gonna stop this one now and then I'm gonna come back going to go have a drink and then I'm gonna come back. Let's do that. I think that'd be really helpful for me. Stop recording that's good to know that I can just kind of take a pause halfway through because often these podcasts go on for like 45 minutes and I either need the loo I need a drink I need something to eat so that's good information for myself that I can break them into chunks. Anyway let's get back into it. So the last dilemma I am answering today is from Ruth and Ruth writes that she has spent years teaching art and supporting other people creatively and she now wants to spend time devoted to her own practice and she's very aware that her circumstances might change in the future because her partner is living with stage four cancer. So this period of relative stability feels especially important to her now and she feels that she wants to invest in her own creative life now both for herself and so that she is it she is in a stronger position if life becomes more demanding for her in the future. And the difficulty is for Ruth is is that she has historically worked around an academic timetable and has been available to family outside those hours and um and people still tend to assume that time at home is flexible time. And Ruth makes it clear that she's working from home she's she's got a studio at home or a room at home that she makes her work in. And she writes that she wants a way to describe her studio time that makes it clear that this this is not a casual hobby and that she is not available. But she also writes that calling it work feels uncomfortable because she does not currently see herself as a working or exhibiting artist. Okay I think this is a brilliant dilemma because it's I think it's underneath all of this really Ruth is about your own belief in yourself as an artist and it goes back to it relates to Annabelle's uh dilemma as well I think you I think it's it's it's it's almost necessary for you to to really take the time to allow yourself to move into this next phase whereby you fully embrace yourself as a as a working artist. So instead of being an art teacher or somebody who helps other people you know that it's now about really digging deep and and making that transition and accepting that that has happened and I think it's also about permission that you know you've made the decision here that your creative practice matters you know that you need the time your partner supports it and you have created space for it but there is still this little voice in your head that says can I really call this work if if nobody's paying me for it and that makes sense because for so many years you know your creative life in a way has been paid for you know you have been making work for you know uh but you know demonstrating and and you know I'm I'm assuming when you when you do the you when you teach you obviously have to make well I know that because you know I I uh I know this from Ruth um Ruth uh comes to me for coaching so I know that Ruth you know does spend a lot of has spent a lot of the time actually physically making the work for the workshops and I and I feel that again it comes back down to this idea that to be an artist you have to be selling your work or you know you have to be exhibiting your work because then the work becomes valid you can then call it work because it's being financially rewarded however all of that stuff all of that visible stuff comes along after a lot of the invisible stuff the work that goes into making the work if that makes sense but you know experimenting is work failures are work research is work you know Ruth wrote in her email that you that you know when writers go into their or you know writers go and sit at their desk they can call their work research you know and I it it's so interesting to me to hear that it's difficult for you to call what you're doing work. Because for me it's work. For me when I think about you Ruth I think about that is absolutely work and you are doing the work. But again I think it's it's it's almost allowing yourself time to fully accept this and to sit with it a while. Maybe it hasn't quite sunk in yet that you've made this transition. This is your time now you know you don't need to wait for somebody to buy the outcome before you're allowed to take your process seriously and I've said this quite a lot of times on the podcast before um and I think also what's really obvious here is that you spent your life facilitating others you know you've run workshops you've been an educator you know you're a very generous person and suddenly feeling like you have to put boundaries up and protect your own time I'm I'm assuming it it could feel a bit selfish and a bit awkward. And I think again you need to give yourself time to climatize to this new way of working and and I I also think that it's it's important to think about this differently you know you're not withdrawing from the world you're not suddenly becoming unavailable to your friends you're simply deciding that you belong in your diary too you belong your work belongs in your diary and it and it has the importance that the paid work used to have and I do think it was really clear as soon as I read your email you were kind I felt like you were wanting me to give you a word that somehow enables you to use that word in a way that helps other people understand what it is that you're doing and also helps feels more comfortable for you. I think the simple thing is here Ruth you need to call it work I mean it's really simple you need to call it work it doesn't need to be creative time it doesn't need to be me time it doesn't need to be having a play in the studio because all of those things I think are diminishing what it is that you're doing. I think that that the more seriously you take your work the more seriously other people will take it and it's as simple as that. I've probably said this on the podcast before I was when I used to work in when I was teaching in London and I lived in London I used to work at a place called the Working Men's College and there was a wonderful student there called Connie who was she you so serious about her work and she took her work her work where her prints were absolutely beautiful and she just used to turn up was so professional about the way that she approached her work and her focus was phenomenal. However she used to describe her work as just playing I'm just having a play and I found that really difficult to hear because for me she wasn't playing and and she I felt like it was downgrading her work by her saying oh I'm just having a play you know because she wasn't if she wasn't just having a play her work had gravitas it had seriousness and she was really committed to it. So I think it is important that we choose our words carefully I'm really strict with my time here. You know I've always treated my work as work because it is you know even before it started rewarding me financially I was really clear about that. And I remember being really struck by um an artist that I was assisting um he was a few years older than me at the Slade. He's called Dryden Goodwin he's an amazing artist go and look him up he's he's wonderful and um for a time I was helping him he was he was doing these video pieces and I remember I assist I assisted him one time um in a with a piece in Durham Cathedral and we were getting the train back and I remember Dryden being so clear about his schedule about how he approached making his work and he said I treat it like a job you know I start at a certain time and I finish at a certain time and I I can even remember where we were sitting in the um in the train and this was God I don't know 30 something years ago and I remember thinking God that's such a great way to think about it and I've I've adopted that you know so I I will start work at 10 and I will finish at five I mean I often it spills a little bit over these days but you know I have that commitment to it and I will do errands in the week but I've scheduled those errands in and I won't maybe go and meet somebody for coffee if I've got a really you know packed day on it's it's I'm working like I say and I'm gonna say it again the more seriously you take your work the more seriously other people will take your work I think you need to create a structure for yourself here Ruth I think that the boundary that you set doesn't need to sound aggressive you could just simply say well I'm working in the studio on Wednesday and Friday and then you work around that you know and if somebody does say but you're still at home you then have to say yes but I'm working and I think the the the the more times you say it the less strange it will feel it might feel a bit uncomfortable at first but people will get used to it quite quickly okay so I think it is important that you adopt this terminology of work because it is what you're doing. You're serious about this you're focused you've you've approached me for coaching you want to devote more time to this next stage in your life and that means devoting more time to your work and being serious about it and calling it work and giving it the time that it needs. So homework I would like you to choose your work your studio working hours for the next month and put them in your diary exactly as you would any other professional commitment. So we can do this in our next coaching session we can look at your diary and say right okay so Thursday from three till five that's studio time or you know however it works for you it's going to be different each week I'm guessing but that time is in the diary and you turn up and you do it and it's important that you do it. And that time is non-negotiable you don't meet a friend for coffee somebody doesn't pop round to have a chat you're working okay that is your time that is in the diary those hours are booked and then practice that simple sentence I'm working that day no apologies no need to explain it no need to sort of then go into details as to why it is that you're doing this or you know I I think that it it's not about convincing your family that this is real work. It's about convincing you that this is real work and like I keep talking about I think you're still in this transitional phase where you've you know you've stepped away from your full-time job as a in a sense and you're devoting more time to your work and it it's it's just about settling into this new phase isn't it and I think it's just you know you're going to have to test out these new words and try saying them out aloud. But I can guarantee that the more you say it the more you practice the easier it will become okay I hope that's helpful. Right that is the podcast done for this week so I've had to do it on a Monday because yesterday I was busy editing Helsinki the Helsinki vlogs um so I don't normally record it on a Monday I normally record it on a Sunday anyway it's worked out fine and I've had a break in the middle of it so I could remember that actually I could just record one anyway I'm um you don't need to hear my internal wranglings we're saying goodbye she looks lively doesn't she in the corner she's getting a bit deaf in her old age which makes me very sad. Um but anyway she's beautiful um I'm beautiful sorry I just I don't know what came over me there. Um yeah anyway well I'll leave you on that note um do um like subscribe tell your friends about it watch the vlogs go go to YouTube watch the weekly vlogs um support me in whichever way you can but the best way that you can support me guys is to tell me your dilemmas write in otherwise this podcast is going to come to an abrupt end so send your dilemmas in to the creative couch pod at gmail.com all right lovelies listen uh we'll see you next week take care bye