When Life Hits Hard: A Conversation on Coping & Resilience | Episode 6

In this thought-provoking conversation, Safraz Bacchus and Mohamed Imran explore the difference between simply coping and truly transforming through life’s challenges.

Drawing from personal experience, coaching, psychology, chaplaincy work, and real-life human struggles, they discuss emotional regulation, stress, grief, anger, relationships, and the importance of staying grounded during difficult moments.

The conversation highlights how emotional stability helps us make wiser decisions, respond instead of react, and move from survival mode toward growth and healing.

A reflective and practical discussion on resilience, self-awareness, emotional wellbeing, and navigating hardship with clarity and purpose.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Peace and love be with all of you, and welcome to SB Life Institute Podcast. And this is a safe space and a meaningful space where we explore uh emotional well-being, spiritual, mental resilience, and community healing through honest and respect respectful dialogue. I'm your host, Safraz Bacchus. I'm a community leader, a certified life coach, chaplain, and a global peace ambassador. And before we begin, let me share a very light reflection. Someone once said, um, I try coping with stress by eating healthy, but the chocolate cake keeps interrupting my emotional healing. Sometimes in life we laugh, but the truth is many of us are trying to cope in different ways. Some helpful, some not so helpful. Life tests us, relationship tests us, responsibilities also test us, and sometimes our patience gets tested before the day even starts. But coping is not about pretending everything is okay, it's not, it's about stabilizing our cells so we can respond wisely to life. Today's discussion that we will have with our guests, and I will introduce him in a few minutes, explores a very powerful idea, and that is coping is not the goal, it's a preparation. And before we continue, I want to say to my um good friend and and brother Imran, uh welcome to our podcast. Once again, my friend Um Mohammed Igran is a graduate from Al-Azhar that is doing amazing work in England. And before we start, Imran, can you just tell our guests a little bit about the work that you do and what wakes you up in the morning to do this amazing work where you stand in support of people that are trying to find a purpose in life? Quite often, when we graduate from Al-Azgar, many people their work are confined within the pyramid of the mosque, leading prayers, delivering kutbas, teaching traditional Islam, which is good. But there are some of us who see the necessity of going outside, helping and showing support. Can you tell me a little bit about the work that you do before we continue our discussion, please?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Biswilla Alhamdulillah, salam alayhi lambiya al-Musaleen. After salamu beinakum, as salamu alaikum warahmatullahi ya shaykh and everyone in America. As salamu alaikum.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Wa alaikum salaam. I can't wait to have you here. So you will enjoy the the big apple, as we say, and oh yes, New York. The concrete jungle in Shallautah. Hopefully, one day I'll come and be with you in England. Um, see the work that you do, and maybe participate somehow. And that's that's the objective.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Inshallah.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Allah gives us um you know you guys are amazing.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

I mean, I mean Allah give you barakashi. So what wakes me up in the morning, Ya Shaykh, is usually my mission on the side saying to him, You need to get off of work. What are you doing? It's usually her telling me to wake up. But Alhamdulillah, Sayyiddi, if there's anything that wakes me up, is of course the people that we work with, who we serve. Um, as an imam, as a Muslim chaplain within his majesty's prison service. And of course, just like you, I am also a uh qualified uh transformation coach. Um, uh, you know, worked extensively within NLP, Islamic psychology, Jungian psychology has been a very significant part of my development. Alhamdulillah. Now, that's what really wakes me up, Sayyidina. I get up, um, help those individuals, try to support them, who have many a times made certain decisions in life which have made it possible for them to turn up in incarceration and in prison. Right? So, Alhamdulillah, every single day is different, every single challenge is different on a daily basis, which I think so keeps me on my toes. But of course, the truth is that there is much that has been learned by myself from these people who are in incarceration, in prison.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Then many times me learning from them. Because, your shaykh, we are talking about coping mechanism. Because just like the definition that you have just given, that's significant because the coping side of it, you know, someone someone could turn around and someone could say this. You could say, when we hear the word coping, is it is it often sounds like topping out, you know, your cop out. You you just don't want to deal, yeah, you don't want to deal with your problems. You don't want to deal with the underlying issues. But what? It's a withdrawal, definitely. But what happens in Sheikh is this that those individuals, of course, that I work with, and uh in in the prison system, in prison structures, is that they have learned that if they don't get to the place of coping first, because of the crimes that they've done, because of the horrific acts and behaviors that they've been engaged in, took people's lives, they have murdered people, they have robbed people, right? If they don't get to a stable state, it's gonna go out of control. Because what happens is they become overwhelmed with the length of their sentencing, the the lack of engagement with their parents, with their families, with their loved ones, their wives, their girlfriends, their kids, whoever's out there, you know what I'm saying? Loved ones, they don't have that. Now, all of this can become overwhelming. And what happens is, you know yourself, when one is overwhelmed, you overreact, you escalate situations, you make very, very poor decisions. So what prisoners do, what prisoners do, which is very significant, and I think that's what the conversation is for us as well, is that you get to a place where you are coping with the circumstances, it's just to stabilize you before the transformation takes place. So coping is about regulating your internal state so that your response becomes intelligent, not impulsive. So let me let me put it like this to you. And this is a like you said, this is what gets us up, this is what gives us the opportunity to work with individuals. Sheikh, let me share with you. Look, we are in the season of spring, aren't we? In the season of spring, winter has just left. Yeah? In the season of spring, you start sowing the seeds so we can reap the benefit in summer. Now, many of us don't realize this period because we're so overwhelmed. There's so much hardship going on, there's so much levels of anxiety and frustration, right? That's happening in a person's life. They can't find the end, they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, all they can see is the darkness of the tunnel, right? We don't take benefit of this time. So, what prisoners do when they are in that tunnel, the first thing they do, they take a deep breath. And this is difficult because literally their liberty has been taken out of their hands. But let me share with you. If they were coping badly, what's gonna happen? This is what's gonna happen. It's it's the idea of escape, it's denial, destruction, and avoidance. That's bad coping. But what's good coping? Good coping is preparation. Now you're in a stable state. You are in the time of spring. You know you have opportunity, you know you have the seeds in your hands, all right? But if you were overwhelmed, you can't see the seeds in your hands. You can't see the opportunities in your hands. You can't. You can't because it's not there, Shaykh. You know, you're completely blinded by that. And what happens? You get to a state of total destruction. But good coping is pause, clarity, restraint, and planning. That's how it works. That's how the system is. Alhamdulillah.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

And you're able to hold the hand of that prisoner or that inmate and show them that, right? Um and guide them through that. And I know that this is not something you can achieve overnight in helping people to cope. Um, and while you're sharing your experience in the prison, that we can also use that zer that very process, that's very step in coping with things that we face on a daily life in our daily lives that is challenging, that do not make rash decisions. Try to understand this space that you're in, see how you're feeling, pinpoint your emotion, try to regulate that and not allow that emotion in your feeling and the circumstances, most importantly, the circumstances that you're in to direct your thought process in making bad decisions. And that needs a little attention and care in the world. No, it does you're able to offer that.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

100%. Because Shaykh, look, in the nature of my work, of course, I have my Islamic, academic, educational, you know, tradition behind, right, which we'll share. We'll share today as well, that that is a mechanism, there's a pattern which is required within the coping process. You know, we can call it sabbar, tawakqal, action, you know, we can we can we can break it down. But the point is, is that let me let me give you an example. Look, for example, if I'm talking to a client, right, and I'm coaching them. So I would put an example in front of them. I would say to them, look, imagine someone who insults you. Now, this happens a lot everywhere, but more inside than outside. They might, you know, throw a slow at you, they might swear at you, they might belittle you, they might say as racist, comment against you. Now, if you didn't deal, if you dealt with that without coping, there'd be immediate reaction, there could be an escalation of an argument, there could be, you know, you could be uh escalating a situation where you could harm that person, hurt that person, and react in a way which will be immensely negative, right? Which will ultimately impact you. Right? Because the system itself doesn't look at the system's not gonna say, oh, he said something, so he should be punished for what he said. No, system's gonna look at you went and punched him in his face, you smacked him, you are already down for you know uh behavior which is harmful and hurtful to other people, you know what, you should be condemned even more with greater sanctions. But then I say to these two people, I say, look, that was without coping. Now, what about if you were coping? What will you do? You'll pause. Yeah, okay, you choose your response, you assess the situation. Okay, so you're not doing it in an overwhelmed state, you're not doing it in a reactive state, okay? You're doing in a much more responsible, stable state. Now, so what it means is this exactly. So look at this. The problem still exists. Whatever the problem is, the problem is right in front of you. Person insulting you, belittling you, your internal anxiety is still there, your depression is still there, your worries are still there, your loss is still there, but you're dealing with it in a much more calmer state. So the problem still exists, but now you can deal with it correctly. Alright? So the takeaway what we take from this is this you don't cope instead of solving problems, you cope so you can solve them properly, properly, correctly.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

That's the idea. That's a powerful idea. And one thing I, you know, before we continue, I can hear, and we can also say to our viewers, the point of emphasis, when you're coping, it's not that your problem will go away, that you're learning how to internalize and be in a state where you can deal with this. Coping does not mean that this this the problem that you're facing, the situation that you're in, that you that's so much cause and a havoc will just disappear. No. Coping you, how to deal with it in a calmer, more serene, more um, you know, better way so that it will not affect your decision making and put you into a greater problem. So let me share with you, Sheikh.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Look, one of the techniques that we use is a breathing technique. Yeah?

unknown 13:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

If you're overwhelmed, right, and you feel immensely anxious about something and your blood pressure has increased, we teach them a breathing technique. So we do technique. We do a breathing technique. So it's like four second intake of oxygen from the nose, two seconds, you know, hold of the oxygen, and then six seconds exhaling the carbon dioxide from the system. What this does, Sheikh, it stabilizes that person. In other words, it stabilizes that person now to make a decision, right? For step two, for transformation, for change, for dealing with the underlying reason why they're feeling the way they're feeling, why they're thinking the way they're thinking, why their brain is working over time to get to a particular solution. Right now, many of us, many of us, what happens to us we stay in the state of the breathing. That's it. We breathe, we do the breathing technique, and that's it. We don't deal with the underlying issues, we don't deal with the underlying problems, we don't go underneath the skin, we don't peel the scalp and deal with, or not the scarf, but you know, the underlying infestation, we don't deal with it. So what happens is, Shaykh, over time, all we are doing, we're in a stagnated state. We're in a stagnated state. There is no clear movement and transformation. Let me share with you, Shaykh. Look at this. You know, we have this within our culture. Someone comes to us, and many times what probably happens to you as an Imam, someone comes to you and they say, Shaykh, my uh marriage itself is breaking down. I don't know what to do, I don't know what's going on. Every single time I step into my house, my wife is on my case 24-7, and most of us we don't know what to answer. What do we say? Leave it to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah will bring meant ease, harmony, and peace into your home, inshaAllah, and give you saber, inshallah ta'ala. That's what we say, don't we? Yeah, that doesn't help. Of course not. At all. Because all it is is, okay, one minute. I've got something going on here. I'm overwhelmed with the situation. Every single time I'm walking into my home, I'm being rubbed the wrong way. My wife has gone through so many emotional states with me for whatever reasons there are, because I'm not dealing with the reasons, I'm just dealing with the you know, the cause, not the effect, not the reason behind it. We're not looking at the foundation of it, we're not looking at the symptom behind the illness itself, right? We're not looking at it at all. Now, if you look at it, Shaykh, look, here Islamically, that's not the pattern that our religion, our deen, has established. Islam does not teach passive endurance, it teaches endurance with effort and trust. Look, the Holy Quran says in it, you know, a uzbilla him in shaitan rajeem. Now, in in Surah Al-Baqarah, we know this. What is this doing? Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear. This establishes you have capacity. So the first step is that in the state of coping is that you have the capacity to create change. Allah is saying this. So I'm burdening you, you feel this burden and you feel overwhelmed. In reality, the situation that has come across you have come across, right? It exists because you have the components, you have the know-how, you have the ability, right? You have the internal strength to deal with this. You do. So that's the first step, isn't it? And what does that do, Shaykh? That gives us sabr. That gives us patience.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

So and then when you do not can I just interject for a quick minute, if you don't mind. Uh of course, of course. How do you see the relationship between sabr and action? Um, do you think that some people misunderstand? Because you interacting with people, there's a lot of people misunderstand patience as in action. But I understand that you know, true tawakul and dependence on God uh in includes effort. We have to, you know, as you say, we tap the person on the shoulder and say everything is gonna be fine. But blindly saying that without making effort or taking the precaution, I think that there is there is an there is an issue there. Um so I guess do you think some people misunderstand patience as in an action and how we can speak to that? Uh I agree with you.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

That that that is exactly what a lot of people believe. That if I am in a state of patience, I'm not really creating any change, I'm not really uh doing the next step that I need to create change and create effect. But in fact, patience is the state of coping, that's the stabilizing state. What patience does, it gives you an opportunity to breathe a little. The problem hasn't gone away. The problem hasn't gone away. Look, there's a reason why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, you know, in Nallahama as sabidin, why does he say that?

SPEAKER_00 19:16

Indeed, Allah is with those who have with them in that process, in that process of their pain. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Naam. You said it, Shaykh, beautifully. That is crucial. That because he's with them, because he knows you're going through trouble, you're going through difficulty, you're going through turmoil, he's with you. Look, look what he says. When he says in another part, again he says that indeed with your hardship there is ease. Yeah, not that ease comes after your hardship. No, no, no, no, no. That is, it's the Quran. I'm I'm I'm I'm not even inter I'm not even interpreting this from a different context. I'm literally translating word by word exactly what the Quran is saying. Ma'as saberi. Okay, and from hardship, during hardship, right? There is why Allah is establishing something, establishing the sense of coping, stabilizing. That's what sabar is. So sabbar is step one is not inactive, it's not that you're not dealing with the problem. No, what you're doing is you're stabilizing your internal self, your internal uh neuron system, your neurology within your system is stabilizing. You understand? It's coming to a sense of clarity before you react. Think about it. If you didn't have that, what would happen? Yeah, you lash out.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

You're saying that. You're saying that, and I swear, as you're sharing that, I I start thinking currently now as you're speaking, I swear by Allah, about our Prophet Muhammad. Allah that he was very patient in the face of adversity and hardship. And I think of how they boycotted him for three, three, you know, like for a long period of time, three years, the Am al-Huzm, the year of grief, so to speak, and the stabilizer of the Prophet and the companion, despite of everything that was happening, the stabilizer of the Prophet was his fate. Correct. The stabilizer that it was not only saying, Yes, there is a God, but the Prophet had emotions, he wept. He wept, he cried, he you know, he expressed grief over Khatija's death. Yes, right, so. His situation impacted him, but his faith was that stabilizer that stabilizes him to think positively and to move forward, knowing that there is a ma'iyyah with Allah. In Allah Ma'as Sabirin. Did not blindly say or just use words saying that God is with me, but despite he knows that and he had that faith, God is with him, la tahzan inna la maana. Yes, there was a sense of fear in Abu Bakr. Correct. Right? That emotion is there, but that faith in God stabilizes that emotion through their faith.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

So let me share with you, Shaykh. This is very powerful because look, my work is predominantly with men. So I deal with men and boys. That's my job.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Right? And the issue with men is that we don't like tapping into, we are as emotional as women. We have our emotions, we have our feelings, we have all of that. But when it comes to expression of our emotions, is that people see it as certain cultures see as, oh, that's a weak, that's a weak that's a weak person. Right? And what happens is we don't develop that over time. But what I have exactly tapping into the true essence of what our dean really says, okay? So our dean says, look, you can go through the hardship. Okay? You are going to go through the hardship. Okay? That's the stabilizing state. But then what does it say? And this is really interesting for men. Because men are proactive in the sense that they want to get create change, they want to resolve the problem, they want to resolve the pain. When a woman speaks to the man and the woman's only expressing her feelings and concerns and problems, she doesn't want a solution. Alright? Because her relationship with the man is based upon talking about this, it's about connection. That's what when a lady speaks to the man, it's about connection. When the what man does, when he takes the problem, he goes, I want to fix it. Because man are fixed. Check this out. Once you have done the sabr, what does Allah say? Look what he says. So straight away, Allah says, now this is a very powerful idea. Okay, fine, you've got sabbar, Allah is with you. But what does he say? He's empowering us. He's telling us you have it in you to create change. What is he doing? He is strengthening our internal state. So first stabilize, do sabbar, take a breath, remove overwhelming state. Now, now it is within your own hands to create change. The moment you start creating change, indeed Allah is with you.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

That that is so powerful again, because uh what I'm hearing is that we cannot fix external problems with an unstable internal state. That yeah, so that is a key thing for us to to pass on um in our discussion. Uh so from your perks perspective, uh Sheikh, how important is emotional regulation before making major decisions? You know, you just highlighted that. What happens when people try to make decisions while overwhelmed, while being fear and angry, while they're griefing? What happens when we we rush to make decisions while we are in those states? When we are in those states, we we create more destruction.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

And many a time we could have resolved that.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

And it's about the internal stability. In our fields, both your and mine, Sheshay. One thing is usually we look at the external action. Now, many a times in the world of incarceration and imprisonment, a man is imprisoned or a woman is imprisoned because of an act or a behavior that they have done which are socially unacceptable. Until they don't come to prison, many a times, no one knows the underlying reason why they murdered, why they killed, why they raped, why they abused, why they robbed. Nobody knows. They don't even know the underlying internal instability of that person until they don't enter that space. They come, then they are working with psychologists, then they start working with psychiatrists who pill them up or I give them medication to stabilize them, right? And they start working with individuals, hopefully, who are coaches, who are people who know how to transform and help these individuals to deal with the underlying lack of reality of what's happening because they are lashing out. Now, Shaykh, when you're working with people who are instable, one has to take the journey with them. First stable is the first day, the first position is to teach them this sense of coping. There's a coping mechanism that you need to come to a stable state. Okay, then you build them. And you build them by saying, you know what, the answers are within you. You could do this, the abilities are within you, right? Yeah, you need to you need to understand that within you, as the great unconscious, as we will say, all right, the internal unconscious from the Jungian language, right, that exists, that it empowers us, there's answers within our system. Now, this dialogue and this conversation, Shaykh, enables that person to start realizing, one minute, I have to take responsibility. Look, when the Bedouin came to the Prophet and he said, Ya Rasulam, pray for my camel that it is safe. What is Allah? What does the Prophet say? He says to him, uh, because dependent on Allah. Yeah, tie it. That's the first. It wasn't the other way around. It wasn't like, okay, do the waq, done. No. Because the moment you and I realize, and our viewers, our listeners realize I have responsibility, I am accountable for my behavior. After that, I leave it to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Yeah. So you have sabr. Then you have taking responsibility. And when you take responsibility, you do your bit, you tie the camel, you go and get help, you go to a court and you sit down with them. You go to a counselor or a therapist, you go to someone that you trust and they care for you. You know, another man out there who's an elderly person who's more learned than you, go and sit with them. Look, I'm going through these difficulties, these trial and tribulations within my uh married life, I'm having difficulty with my kids, I'm having problems within my work, you because you're overwhelmed. When you will go to a person, when you go to that individual, and these mechanisms will come into place, they will not only give you the answer, they will help you to come to the answer.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Because this is the way of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah could have created change like this if you wanted to. You mentioned Aamul Huzna, you know, the years of sorrow of the Prophet. Look, if Allah wanted, He could have, with one du'a of Rasulullah, changed your lot, and Rasulullah would have been you know very successful in the soul from that perspective. But the hardship teaches the human being.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

SubhanAllah shape the companions and shape the ummah. And also it teaches us reality. Sometimes we question why do we experience what we experience, and we do not recognize that that experience is meant to help us and aid us to find the best version of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

And Sayyidini, Sayyidi, check this out. If I'm gonna throw this at you, as a practical example, you know, a lot of us we talk about coping, we misunderstood coping, we misunderstand coping. Because we think I'll just accept this situation. Rasulullah didn't accept the measures of Amul Huz as Amul Huz. There was always aspiration to do more, to propagate, to engage, to move the message across. Look, we've just had we just had a horrific two years and ongoing 70 odd years of conflict that's been taking place in the Middle East. So many lives were taken in in Gaza, in Palestine, so many lives, so many people's wealth, money, homes were destroyed. There's no doubt about that. But let me share something with you, Shaykh, which has been really profound and really powerful, and especially for the people in the West. There have been high numbers of people converting to Islam. There's a major conversion that's been taken place. So they are, they would ask these people, why is it? They go, we don't understand these people. They've destroyed there's so much destruction, they've lost all their family members, many of them are children. Where is this strength coming from? Whenever you speak, whenever someone asks them, they go, Tawakalullah. The qadrullah. This is the qadr of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. This is we have tawaqal in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. If this was what's going to be, we are pleased with his state. Now, that didn't come overnight. That happened because we have centuries of difficulties and trials and tribulations and challenges, which Rasulullah, his companions, his companions' companions, and so on have taught us that in difficulty, it's not about just accept the status quo. No, it's about getting to a place of stability, then start to create transform to try trust to create some transformation and change.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Sheikh, amazing wisdom. I I want first to discuss a last point, and then because we're coming to an end of our discussion, from this interaction, you know, two things that stands out that you know we want to highlight to our viewers that uh emotional regulation precedes transformation, that if we want to be transformed, then we must regulate our emotions at that time with whatever we cope in. And secondly, that a calm mind, uh, a calm mind produces like a wise, a wise, wiser choices, so to speak. That when we are calm, that we're able to produce uh produce um choices that is wiser. And uh the last thing would be that looking at the life of our Prophet Muhammad, in it are amazing wisdom and lessons that we can learn. And this find that he was the best man to walk on the face of this earth based on our belief system and believe uh based on our aqidah and our belief, that our Prophet Muhammad is the greatest example when it comes to coping mechanism because he endured hardship in so many different ways. When he was a young, uh young person, uh matter of fact, he was an orphan having to cope with that, having to cope with the death of both of his parents, the demise of his both of his parents, having to cope with the death of the son that he yearns so much. To that extent, uh tears flow from his eyes, and they ask him, Why is it that you're crying? You know, and then he says, the heart uh will ache and the tears will flow from the eyes, but I will not say accept that which is pleasing to the Almighty. And then he lost the the very anchor of his life, uh Khatija, during that particular time. He lost his he lost his uncle, or beloved Prophet's uncle, who was dear supporting him as well. That's right. It did not stop then, it did not stop there, but rather uh the Prophet, the very land that he loved and he was attached to, he was he was forced to leave and he wept as he looked back at the Ka'aba and says, If I was not forced to leave, I would not leave you. That's right. So that is just some highlights or landmarks of some of the challenges and many more that the Prophet experienced. Assassination attempts when he went to Medina. So, like No, no, as we talk about coping, how Rasulullah regulated that, I just wanted to highlight to our viewers as we're discussing this to look in the life of Rasulullah and you will find that life that will lead you during these challenging times.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

So the bit that you've talked about is significant because you've talked about the coping period, the stabilizing period, when the hardship is there, when the difficulty is there, when the loss is there, right? When the enemy is right in front of you and you are trying to deal with it. What's really significant is after every single challenge, difficulty, problem that Rasulullah came across. Out of every single one, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He was he is one of the greatest strategists that existed. We know through war, through life, through family, through kids, in every sense. When Rasulat left for Mukka al-Mukarima, he went to Medina al-Manabora. He didn't just dwell by looking at back at the Kaaba al-Um Muqah al-Muqarima and saying, Yeah, if I wasn't allowed, I would if they had not done this, I wouldn't have left. That's true. But once he left, he didn't stay in that state. He developed that. He created a state, he created a city state, he created a huwah, he created affection, he created a masjid, he created engagement, he created a constitution, right? With Jews and other religions and faiths, with Muslims living by side by side, right? Now, in his heart, in his mind, that's his place of residence. Of course, going back to Mecca al-Mukarrima was significant, right? So the opening, the Fat al-Makkah taking place. But even then, what did he do? He came back to Medina al-Munaburah. Now, for me, you know, Yashik, this has been interesting because once I studied this, learned this, then practically started to work with people. Started to work with people who are in the most difficult circumstances. I started to realize that the conversation has to move from coping mechanisms to transformation. That's important. It's found in the life of the Prophet, in the Sahaba, in, and I've just given an example of something very recent, right? That's happened, it's been on our screens. Look, if you go back now, people are living their lives. Even though the circumstances are difficult, but they are getting on with their life because they've dealt with the trauma and they're moving on from there, or dealing, dealt with the trauma, or dealing with the trauma and finding ways of transformation. So let me share with you, Shay, which is highly significant here. From a, you know, because I deal with NLP, I deal with psychology, and that has been very interesting for me because there's something called perspective. So you have a concept of integration versus avoidance. Now, the core idea, I want to I want to link this with our religion. Coping either hides the problems or helps you face them. Now, from a Jungian perspective, from Carl Jung's perspective, this is interesting. Because he says something very interesting. He says, suppressed emotions, Yashik, suppressed emotions, which are known as the shadow, don't disappear. They return in distorted forms. Okay? Now, what happens with us is that we think me going through, I have pushed them problems really deep underneath, they're not gonna impact me. No, from a clear Islamic perspective, there is a process, sheikh. Let me share with you. You know, individuals who are well known to us, people who are well known, who have worked in the sector, uh helping individuals to move from a instable state, okay, and going towards stability. One of them is known as Abu Zayd al-Balchi. Right? Now Zayy al-Bahiki, Zayd al-Balki. Now he says something very interesting because it's all about regulated emotional responses. When can you get regulated emotional responses? Is when you first take a breather. First learn to cope with that situation. Sabah. Then action. Then tawaqal in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That look, I've taken the action, I've learned what I needed to do, I have gone to a therapist, I've spoken to a coach, I've spoken to, you know, a counselor, and I've dealt with my underlying problems. Right? Now, then you leave it to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That's the process of clear transformation.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Thank you. Thank you so much for your insight and your wisdom. And, you know, um there is so much more we can share on the subject area. And I hope we can continue speaking about this in some other session. But, you know, as we conclude this session, can you, you know, just share maybe a few pointers that you think that someone can take away, you know, as we conclude this session.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Jazakullah Sayyidi. Bismillahman now ultimately a lot of people who are watching, we are from all faiths, all backgrounds, but of course, being Muslims and being people of faith, I want to give you the model which I think is highly significant. The model of how to deal with our problems and concerns. Sabah. What does sabr mean? Emotional stability. Which we will call in mainstream language coping. Then step two, this is the pattern that we need to follow. Step two is effort. Step two is effort. Now you have emotionally stabilized, which is sabr. The second one is effort, real world action. You have instability at home. You've learned how to do sabr. Good. Now deal with the instability. Go to someone, talk to someone, engage with someone proactively so you can deal with why both of you keep rubbing each other the wrong way. Why do you continuously feel anxious or depressed about situation, circumstances? Whatever the reasons are, whatever you are trying to cope with in life, right? So effort. Number three, step three, this is the next part of the pattern of behavior, is called tawakqul. Trust in Allah. We have this. Many a times within the psychology psychology world, they are trusting in or in the in in the world of psychiatrists. They are dealing, they are trusting in medication. And what does medication do? That medication just suppresses your feeling. I'm not saying don't take your medication. What I'm saying is, even medication, when you take it stabilizes you, but at the same time, it numbs you emotionally, and you can't deal with your problems. And lastly, and this is very important isan excellence and flourishing. Be kind to yourself. This is the method, this is the way, and this is the model which we have found in Rasulullah, we have found in the Quran, and we have found in those who truly have created great transformation. Yashaik, it's always an honor speaking to you.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

So it's always an honor to to share a space and to be in this platform with you and to communicate with you. I'll say that we may be far apart uh in terms of distance and location, but our hearts are connected. May God bless you and and keep uh keep us in your dua and supplication. I want to thank you so much for joining me today. And um I want to say to our viewers, kindly share this podcast, uh, this series, and also the link to SB Life Institute. We are on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts, and also on Facebook. Um, we ask you to take a moment and listen. It will transform your life. None of us is immune from challenges, despite who you are, what status you may have, whatever position you may have, we all will face challenges, but the determining factor would be uh if we want to come out triumphant uh and to see some form of transformation is how we respond when life throws that carve ball at us. How do we respond? What we choose to do at that time is what is important. So remember the three points as we conclude. Patience is quite important, and in addition to this, how we respond in terms of our emotion and then our tawaqkul, our tawaqul on Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Thank you all so much. I'm your host, Safraz Bakas, and I say peace and love. Thank you.