REB 136: Can't We All Just Get Along?

I find in a lot of "old school" agents, and specifically men, this belief that in order to do their job correclty they must perceive the other side as the enemy.  Ultimately, the other side is after the same thing, though!  How do we reconcile this?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey everybody, welcome back. As you can see, I'm working from the home studio today, also known as the dining room. Um, I saw this posted on Facebook earlier today, and and just it made me chuckle. And and I wanted to address it because it's it's it's a legit thing, even though it comes off as funny. Weirdo Realtors. Please note that being difficult or aggressive to other agents does not make you a good agent. And it made me laugh first, and it made me think about a recent conversation I'd had with another agent who uh she and I did a deal in Grafton shout out Rebecca Foy. It was uh a complicated deal, we can say that. Um, and if it wasn't for our ability to work together, probably would not have happened. And I can tell you that from what I know, her clients who were purchasing the home that I had listed are very, very happy where they're at. And for sure, my clients are extremely happy with the the move that they have made. And Rebecca and I actually had this conversation on the phone one day and talked about the importance of being able to work together and the fact that it might be a good podcast topic. And I even said to her, maybe you should come on and we have this conversation. And uh, I apologize, Rebecca, that you're not joining me today. Um, but things have been crazy this year, and uh this just kind of this is a bit off the cuff today. So, at any rate, you know, I can tell you in hundreds of sales, I have raised my voice intentionally to another agent twice. Uh, I've had many agents make me upset, piss me off, um, you know, disappoint me for whatever reason, but only twice did I raise my voice. And in both of those occasions, as I said, it was intentional. Now, you know, there there may be other agents who are um have softer skin that might think that I lashed out. Um, if I if you think that uh and it wasn't extremely obvious, you're wrong. I wasn't lashing out. I just have that sort of personality sometimes. But these two particular instances, um, I was very intentional and calculated in my in my anger, and that which I expressed and displayed towards that agent. The first one, this goes back years, um, and I forget the exact details, but I recall we were doing a deal in the rain, and we were going through these contentious uh negotiations, and it reached a point where a decision was made that was going to upset her clients. And I followed up on it. Hey, have you told them what do they want to do? No, I haven't told them yet. The next day, hey, have you told them what do you what do they want to do? No, no, no. I got to speak to them today. The following day, hey, have you talked to them yet? What do they want to do? And she tells me, well, you know, it's really sensitive. And um, you know, they were they were kind of upset about the last round of negotiations, and so I just wanted to to wait and and let them cool off before I address this. And I I don't know how long the cooling off period was, but we just had gone through two to two and a half days of this not being addressed. And you know, we're under contract with deadlines and dates and stipulations where things need to be done by, and uh, and so I went off and and basically um told her that she was wrong and that she was not very good at all about managing her side of the deal or the communications thereof. The second time that I raised my voice, um I was genuinely very angry. Uh I was selling a home in Youngstown, had it listed, and the other agent told me that they had been visiting the house just to take a look at things. And the reason I knew was because we're under contract and we had kind of gone through negotiations, and then they were asking for some additional concessions. And you know, I said, no, that's that's not how this works. And then they told me, well, we went back to do another walkthrough the other day, and we found this and this and this. And I basically said, You will not return to my seller's property, you will not go back there until it is time to close. And if you do go back there, we will call the police because you are trespassing. You do not have the right to do that, and don't you dare think about it unless you get the express consent of my seller and myself. Until then, don't don't bother, right? But obviously, it was a little more animated and energetic than what I just laid across to you folks. You know, the whole point is this um ego is a very powerful force and in many ways can be our own worst enemy. Um, at the outset of a negotiation, there are four parties who want the same thing. You've got a seller and a listing agent who want to sell the home. You've got a buyer and a buying agent who want to transact and purchase the home, right? All four parties want the same thing. Seller wants a payday, listing agent wants a payday, buyer's agent wants a payday, buyer wants a new house or a new property, whatever it might be. We all want the same thing. So there is an adversarial point in this transaction, and that is that at any point in time where there's negotiations going on, right? I want what's best for my people, the other side wants what's best for their people, and we're going back and forth, essentially trying to convince the other side that what we want is also what they want. And we're trying to protect our clients' interests, right? That's our job. That's exactly what we're being paid to do is to represent them, protect their interests, put a deal together, and then manage it and see it across the finish line with no surprises, the least amount of stress possible, and ultimately giving them the keys to the property that they thought they were going to buy, that they've been looking forward and dreaming of buying, right? Um, so it is contentious during negotiations. There's back and forth, there's no uh, we think our position is stronger, etc., right? But once you come to terms, okay, now everybody's kind of on the same team. Now there is a subsequent negotiation with the inspection process and that contingency, and if things are found, you may enter into another subsequent negotiation where you're adversarial again. But after that, all parties are trying to get headlong towards the same thing. And that ego, um, that ego can come into play and really ruin a deal very quickly, whether it's the ego of the agent or the seller or the buyer. And it is most tragic and unfortunate, and I would even say unethical when it's the ego of the agent that screws up the deal. You know, and the thing is, you know, you got to remember, folks, we're all humans and we're all highly emotional people. And I don't care. Unless you are a psychopath, um, your emotions get the better of you and just about every decision you make. Uh, the most highly analytical and logical people I know still make their decisions based upon emotion. It starts with an I like or I don't like, and then they gather all the data they need to justify I like or I don't like, right? But it's based on emotion. It's where we begin and oftentimes where we end in all of our dealings with other people. Uh, and so if you have an agent that is belligerent um and thinks that scorched earth is the best way to put a deal together, oftentimes that will frustrate another agent and their principal to a point where they walk away from a deal and now everyone's out. Everyone's out of that prospective house, payday, whatever it might be, right? Everyone loses in that sense, especially when all parties wanted the same thing just to go, just to get going. And I've had this happen. I've had other agents be so belligerent and such an inducing stress into the situation where it didn't need to be, uh, whether it was through incompetence or arrogance, um, doesn't really matter. But they've introduced stress and that caused the whole deal to fall apart when it shouldn't have. And then the other thing is obviously the ego of our principal clients. And, you know, that is another thing that we really get paid to do. The reason that you're represented by an agent in the purchase of your home is because number one, we should have industry expertise, correct? Like we should know what the hell we're doing when we're representing you. We should know what the red flags are, we should know what uh the signs to run away from a deal or a property should be, or what are the signs that you should rush headlong towards it, or you know, our industry experience in both analyzing the property as well as managing the whole situation, including negotiate negotiations and all the little uh data points that need to be collected and submitted along the way. You know, that that's what we do. But a huge part about this, and again, I say this all the time: our job, okay, being a sales consultant is a practice in applied psychology. And it is the ego of the principal client who we have to manage consistently. I mean, all the time. You know, I've had, I clearly remember a seller, we were we we were through it, right? We were through inspection contingencies, we were through uh the financing contingency, and we're headlong towards the finish line. And the buyer's lender asked for some additional conditions to be met, and they wanted another round of updated pay stubs and whatnot. But some of the information that the buyer needed to present to them was not available for a handful of days, so they asked us to extend the closing date by four days. For some reason, this pissed my seller off so bad. And by the way, my seller had already moved out, right? They're not this four days only affected them in one material way, and that was you know, they had four more days of property taxes that now needed to be prorated. They had four more days of having to keep the lights on and the water in their name and that kind of stuff. You know, nominal, nominal expenses, very little. And but for some reason, they felt disrespected by this and were so upset, they wanted to tell the buyer to take a hike. And I'm like, whoa, what what what are you doing here? We are very, very close to wrappes, wrapping this thing up and you collecting the proceeds from the sale of this home, which by the way, were good. They were it was healthy, it was a good deal that we had in place. And, you know, if you go back out to market, man, that's it's not a good look. Um, and what are we gonna tell people when you go back out to market? You know, there was the buyer needed a slight extension, so my seller blew the whole thing up. That's not gonna make people look very forward to getting into a deal with you. Um, and I really had to talk this guy back off the ledge. He was incensed that this buyer needed more time to close on the deal. And I mean, you know, I had another seller. Um, prospective buyers walked through the house. They didn't like a certain uh, you know, sort of decoration, or it was it was a very minor adjustment uh or uh renovation that was made. Renovation is the best word to use um that could easily have been fixed, but it was a permanent renovation, and the buyers didn't like it, and they talked about it while they were standing there, and my sellers happened to, you know, uh well, actually, what happened was the buyer's agent told me that that's one of the things that was a deterrent. I told my seller, and they got so angry, they said, if they want to write an offer, tell them not to bother. And uh again, cutting your nose off to spite your face because your ego is so fragile, right? Your insecurities are so they're so strong, they're such a powerful force in you that it doesn't make sense. So, you know, the best deals ever are the ones where we run into issues, whether it's title exams, boundary lines, financial issues, or whatever, and both agents can come together and brainstorm how do we figure out what is a solution and then go to work independently and bring their work back to one another to present the solution. And the way it usually looks is something like, hey, I got this problem, you know, this is what's going on on my side, not sure it's how it's going to affect any anything. And then the other side says, Well, hey, you know what? I've been down this path before, or you know, let's brainstorm about some potential solutions. You know, uh, here's a here's a common one that's easy to think of. Um, you know, you have an FHA buyer, they want to buy this home. There's flaking paint, but it's February. And so the paint around the trim on the garage needs to be painted, or they're not going to finance the deal, but it's February. And you can't paint in February, right? So what do you do? You leave money in escrow. You you gotta get the you got to get a quote from the painter, submit that to title, leave that amount of quoted money in escrow. Painter comes, does the job, shows that it's done with a with a uh a completed invoice, and then that money gets returned to whomever, right? Um, so that's a simple little example. But you know, when you can actually come together, pool resources and experience and knowledge to make the deal happen, and the seller gets to sell that home and take their proceeds, the buyer gets into the home that they wanted, and both agents get their paydays. That's that's legit. That's how it's supposed to be done, right? Not this adversarial the entire time. Um, I'm not gonna work with you because you're the enemy, sort of attitude. Uh doesn't make sense, guys. It does, it just doesn't make sense. And you know, uh honestly, I have encountered this mostly with I'm gonna say 50-year-old and up agents. Men and women, both, both. They they they have this feeling that um it's my side, all or nothing, your side is the enemy, and I'm gonna treat you this way the entire time. It's about the clients, guys. It's not about us, it's it's about the clients. What is it that my client is after and what are their goals? And how do I best influence this entire process to help them meet their goals? If I find out in the course of the transaction, let's say via inspection, that their goal is no longer to buy this house, well then that's the goal of the goal of walking away, is now what I'm bent on working towards. But if after the inspection contingency, etc., if they still really want to get the house and there's problems, I'm gonna work on solving those problems and getting my people into that house or selling that house so they can move into their new space. Uh, and oftentimes it takes teamwork in between the agents to overcome problems and solutions. If the other side has a problem with their principal, with their financing, whatever it might be, and they're struggling to figure it out, how am I helping my seller by just watching them flounder on the other side because they're the enemy and I can offer no aid or no help? Right? But if I can draw on my experiences and my network and my resources to present them a solution so we can move forward with this deal, I'm gonna do that happily. Happily. And that's the way we should treat our clients because in all in the end, that's we live or should live in service to our clients. Okay? We should live in service to the people around us, helping them to get what it is that they're after so long as it's legal and ethical. All right. So don't be a jerk. As always, take care of yourselves, take care of one another. I love you people.