F-Boys & Toxic Relationships

In this episode of Hot Girl Psychology, Deanna & Emahlea explore the wonderful world of F-boys. They discuss F-boys across the generations, and how to spot them out in the wild. They each dive into what they learned from their years of dating F-boys as well as their experiences of being F-girls.

Shifting gears to toxic relationship cycles, the girlies explore what toxic cycles are, what they look like, and why we tend to choose them over and over. Together, the girlies teach you about your nervous system and patterns to look out for such as intermittent reinforcement. Blending clinical knowledge with their own experiences of being in toxic relationships, they show you why we fall into these cycles, and how to break them. If you’ve ever dated an F-boy or have been in a toxic relationship, this one is for you. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Your brain doesn't automatically crave what is healthy or even what feels good. It craves what's familiar.

SPEAKER_04 0:08

Yep. The path of least resistance. That's what your nervous system is like, oh, this is familiar. And actually this untoxic thing is very unfamiliar and which I don't know that feeling yet. And I'm really excited to like have it where I'm like, oh, this is unfamiliar and it's uncomfortable, but it's actually real this time. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

It feels fucking crazy. It does feel crazy and it feels like you are crazy. I felt almost a little bit pathetic when it was happening to me because I was like, oh, I'm not this girl. No.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

But we all have nervous systems, you know. Not me. And that's really funny. That's like actually one of the funniest things we've gone. Hot girl psychology. Welcome to Hot Girl Psychology. We're a Girls Girl podcast where attractiveness meets attachment wounds.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Here at Hot Girl Psychology, we believe that the darkest parts of your mind are the sexiest.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

I'm Emily. I'm a startup founder and CEO, and I put the psycho and psychonutritionist.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

And I'm Deanna. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, published dark romance author, and recovering people pleaser. I treat complex trauma by day and I live it by night. What's up, girlies? Our topic for today is fuckboys. Fuck boys. And toxic relationship cycles.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

Yes. Oh my God. So for those of you who don't know, a fuckboy is what, Deanna?

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Oh. A fuck boy can be so many different things. The biggest thing that comes to my mind is emotional immaturity.

SPEAKER_05 1:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Emotional immaturity and entitlement.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Thinking that he's more important than you are.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

And that anybody else is.

SPEAKER_05 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

And thinking that like everybody owes him something.

SPEAKER_05 1:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

And so that can take on many different shapes. And something that I've noticed is that it can be so different across the generations. Yeah. I do think that. So we are Emily and I are both millennials. Yes. So lots of different fuckboys. It's also cultural too because I'm a I'm an Italian from New Jersey. So we have Jersey Italian fuckboys, which is the machissimo ta fuckboy.

SPEAKER_05 2:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

And so that's a whole different, whole different beast. Um, but I feel like something that we're used to as millennials, we'll get a lot of mama's boys.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

You know, that can't really do anything for their for themselves and they're looking for you to do it all. They want the world and they'll give nothing in return. Yeah. Or they'll give basically nothing in return. Or they're dudes that act like they're so, so into you, they'll go so hard, they'll love bomb you. And then the second that you're interested in them, they'll pull back.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

And all of a sudden they just want to be friends, or even worse, they'll ghost you. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, for sure. Like they want it, and then all of a sudden, once you want it, they don't want it anymore.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Yes. And then you said they'll ghost you.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Yes, and ghost you. But on the contrast of that, I've seen I actually think this is such a hot take. This is from talking to my mom and her friends about their dating lives, like back in, you know, Palm Beach and stuff like that. But the Gen X fuckboy is like the worst kind of fuck boy because they are usually they've got some money because it was easy to make money back then. They're not living in the world that we are now. Um, you know, they own a house, they own a car, they have all the things. Um, usually they did like traditional things like get married young, have kids, all that. But they are such fuckboys. They are so, so, so entitled.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

So entitled. And they'll either be dating somebody age appropriate and just want everything from them and kind of give nothing in return, or they want somebody like our age or younger.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

Yeah. Who doesn't know any better who doesn't have the same experience level who will just kind of do who will allow that to happen.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Yeah. So so these are guys in like what are they in their 50s and 60s now? Gen X. I feel like it is so like it transcultural. It is so it's like mythological almost. Yes. Yeah. Yes, yeah. What it what do you what do you think of when you think of a fuck boy?

SPEAKER_04 4:31

I think of like somebody who's a player and like just also is really fucking toxic. Yeah. Like very toxic. Um and they're the fun kind of toxic, but like it's also the heartbreaking kind of toxic at the same time. So like they are a thrill and like a miserable stab in the heart at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. They swing you from side to side.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That I mean, that's how you get addicted to a fuckboy.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Yeah, because I mean they're literally like a female or a male form of addiction, or I guess you know, masculine form of addiction.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Addict addictive substance. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Well, what what does fun toxic look like?

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Um, like your party friend, honestly, kind of. Yeah, a little bit of like your party friend, but then also like um your like this person drives you fucking crazy. And it's like a sore tooth that you just keep like running your tongue around over and over and over again and you can't stop, kind of thing. Like it hurts so good, kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's um fun toxic is like, you know, smoking a cigarette is one of the things that people find fun toxic, right? Because it's toxic to your body, but it's stimulating to your brain. And that's the same kind of idea with this. It's that compulsion that's stimulating to your brain. And you know, it just makes you feel alive. So usually it has like a power component or like a like control element or something to it.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Yeah, yeah. That that that definitely tracks. So I I really like Bravo and reality shows. Yeah. And it's so funny because the like fun toxic that you're describing, I love those people on TV. Yeah. And I always talk about, and I can love those people as clients too, to be honest. Oh my god, that was I was that client.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

I was I was that fuck. I was like obsessed with toxic relationships for so long.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

It was terrible. But like it was so much fun at the same time, but it was terrible.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

I feel like it's fun. It's it's fun and it's cute for a time. It's in your 20s, maybe.

SPEAKER_04 6:39

I don't know. Like, there's also like this like angsty, like teenager, like in your late 20s, early 30s kind of thing that's just like, oh my god, like what's the purpose of life?

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Of course. Yeah. Well, we go through those psychosocial crises.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

Yes, the third life crisis.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yes. Yeah, 100%. So so it makes sense that those things can come back and also absolutely and people can go for fuckboys in their 40s and 50s. Again, the fuckboys defy age. They do.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

It's literally, it's an it's an arc archetype, it's a mythic.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's the the hot boy archetypes, is the fuck boy.

SPEAKER_04 7:15

Yeah, it's it's like a a spiritual component of the fuckboy archetype. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Yes. 100%. I'm curious, how how have fuckboys shown up in your life?

SPEAKER_04 7:29

Oh my God, in toxic relationships. Yeah. It's just like I so I um historically, I have been a serial monogamist. And so fuckboys show up a little bit differently in long-term relationships than they do in like, let me jerk you around for that situation ship thing that still somehow extends to two years, but it's definitely a situation ship. Yes. That kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

And then the guy that's just hitting on you up the bar. Okay, I like this. So it's three different types of fuckboys. The the the kind that's hitting on you at the bar. Yes. The kind that you're is jerking you around in the situationship, and then the kind you're in a long-term relationship with. Oh, yeah. That's the most dangerous one.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

No, it totally is because that's how you like that's those are the most intense ones. Because like how you end up with PTSD. That's how you end up with someone trying to kill you because you're like, oh, like he's willing to show me a side of him that he won't show anyone. Yes. You're like, I'm so special. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Oh no, that's so special.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

Yes. Yes. No, a thousand percent. A thousand percent. So yeah, the long-term relationship ones are the ones that I've been the most uh experienced with. I think I've I've had like a couple situationship buck boys, but like I was like, I know this is a situationship, and that's what I'm interested in as well. And find whatever you can tell me you love me and like I know you don't, and you're just saying that, and okay, I love you too, you know, like whatever. But like that's like it's it's one to one. It's it's a neutral toxic is what I guess I should call it. Um, but like the long-term relationships, the really toxic ones, oh my god. So like just excuses, just like endless excuses for everything. Yeah, motherfucking everything. I'm like, are you not the weakest person I've ever met my entire life? Holy shit. Like it's wild. Um, is that mean? Should I not say that? I think it's perfect. I think it's spot on. That's good. Um so yeah, I feel like for me, it's just been a lot of like I'm gonna be taking care of this motherfucker for the rest of my fucking life, and I don't enjoy it, and I'm not doing this to myself, no way. Yeah, I'll I'll um I'll exit gracefully bye, and then it's never graceful because you know, used to have BPD kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

So yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

These men out here because they bring out the worst in me. I have so many feelings. I'm trying to be like a professional. It's like no literally. I can't. Yeah, it's hard. These dudes kind of fucking suck.

SPEAKER_04 9:55

I I feel like I just like just in long-term relationships, yeah, they kind of do. I don't know, but again, I don't really know much about like the well, I guess dudes hit on me in the bar like a lot, and I just I just kind of like look at them. I meet them all the time. I look at them like I'm their mother, and I'm like, she would be ashamed of you. And I would just walk away.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

Oh my gosh, that that actually happened to me. I was walking on uh the campus of a college near me, and because it's a just beautiful, and so I was just walking through it on a walk. Yeah, and uh these college dudes hit on me and I was like, bro, I could be your fucking professor. That's I'm qualified to be.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Low key, they would think that's even hotter.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

I know, which is fucked up. I didn't actually say that. I was just like, oh but yeah, yeah, it's it's wild. So fuck boys in bars, I feel like is a huge, huge thing that I thought I would stop dealing with one day and I have not. Yeah. And they just got older.

unknown 10:54

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Or or they're still young and then they're just you know, now hitting on me the the older the older woman, the older woman in the bar.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

Yeah. Oh my god, yes, I can feel like when the when the boys are young and they know that I'm not, and I'm like, oh they like it. They like they like yeah, a little bit of the mommy type. Yeah, you know, like, okay, just make me proud.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Just like don't fucking annoy me.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Again, like if you were to tell me that you were dating, like, I don't know, like a because you know I don't love an age gap, you know that. Yeah. But if you were to tell me that you were dating like a 28-year-old, yeah, I'd be like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

Like, yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

But if you told me that you were dating a 50 year old, I'd be like, he's definitely a fuckboy. Again, because that generation of fuckboy I think is so much worse than any other generation of fuckboy that's ever been.

SPEAKER_04 11:45

Totally. They are.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

I heard the worst fucking stories from these women.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

I literally, so I was trying to date for the very first time in my life. Like everybody heard the episode where I talked about my dating profile and stuff like that. And since then, I'm like, no, I think I'm not gonna do this age gap thing. I'm not down for that anymore. Um, because that was a good point. And I was like, it matters. That's a good point. That's a really good point. It matters. So I, you know, did a little soul searching and I was like, yep, that's that's right for me. And um, now I'm like, wow, well, I wonder. I mean, like, you know, a younger guy who like makes me feel like I'm not pulling my fucking hair out.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

That's who just like who treats you like a queen instead of mommy. Oh my god, literally. And it anybody can do that. But I'm convinced that right now anybody over the age of 50 cannot.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

It's just a generational thing.

SPEAKER_04 12:31

Yeah, no, I think I think that they're um they are unfortunately out of the running seed.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Yeah, they're done. Yeah, I'm they're just gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

I did have to disqualify them, so yeah. I don't think that their seed will carry on. Yes. At least not with me.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Yes, okay. All right, well good.

SPEAKER_04 12:47

That's good. They'll weed themselves out of the gene pool one way or another. That's that's what we need. Evolution will do its job. It's okay. Yeah, it always does. When it comes to fuckboys, what is the most shameless fuckboy thing you've ever seen somebody do?

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Oh god, I I need to go through like my arsenal and there's so many. Um I, you know, a sp this could be a specific archetype of fuckboy. Yeah. But I saw this recently. Yeah. There is a type of fuckboy that really likes a woman that is taken.

SPEAKER_04 13:29

Like in a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

And it turns them on, especially in front of their partner. And they try really, really hard to go for that.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Yeah. There there's been quite a few fuck boys that have done that to me in front of Jake. Wow. And seen like what they can get away with.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

I I have I've had that happen a lot. Like yeah, I've had that happen a lot. I can't stand that shit. It's so annoying.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

And like in such an obvious way.

SPEAKER_04 13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

And in a way, and you know, and me being like, oh, I don't and be polite, be polite, be polite. And then at some point, I don't do it polite anymore.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

I don't do it anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

I don't, I don't anymore either.

SPEAKER_04 14:06

Oh, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

I got to a point where I couldn't do that anymore. And also I got to a point where I'm like, I'm playing a part in this if I'm being polite.

SPEAKER_04 14:12

Yeah, exactly. You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

You're enabling it if you're just being polite.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

Yeah. Um I just can't like suppress the like I just I want to just tell them to like I want to say something unkind to them. Yeah. So I just tell them, leave me alone. It's better if you leave me alone.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

Yeah. It's it's safer for both of us if you leave me alone. Uh and most actually listen, which is cool.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Yeah. So yeah, I people don't listen when I try to say things like that. I'm also, I don't know if it's the soft feminine energy in me, but apparently I'm very approachable, which really fucking sucks because I feel like I shouldn't. I don't feel approachable.

SPEAKER_04 14:49

Really?

SPEAKER_02 14:50

No, I'm not, because I don't want to be approached by strangers. I really don't. Maybe you look kind of I don't maybe you look nice. I don't think that I look kind or nice. I I don't think that objectively I look kind or nice, so I don't know what the fuck it is. But people can like smell it and they're just like, oh, oh, she's empathetic. Let me talk to her. She won't be me to me, you know, and like and I wish that that wasn't the case. Cause I also I do have rusting bitch face and stuff like that. So I'm like, why isn't that enough? Yeah. Why is that not protecting me? Yeah. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:22

I just kind of like I honestly I'll get a little like psychopathic with people and I'll just like say some crazy shit to like scare them. Um, you know, stuff I won't repeat on this podcast because this is permanent, but there's um they really don't want to fuck with a bitch who's crazier than them. Yeah, you know, and like that's just like I just I just lean into that because like they're they're trying to see if they can get you to react, but they don't want you to react like that, and I love watching them back down. And then that's just like a power thing for me.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Squirm, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:54

I like watching them fucking squirm.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

No, that can be fun, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:57

But I also like want them to fuck the fuck off. Like, I don't just don't fuck with me, I'll stop you literally.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Yeah, I used to that that's that I used to fuck around a lot with like unwanted male attention. Yeah, meaning like I kind of liked having the validation, but I certainly wasn't interested in the guy. Yeah, but I like to fuck with them a little bit, yeah, you know, and uh that's not something that I do at all anymore because I'm just too old.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

And it's it's such a waste of time and it's it's not fun anymore. And I don't think it was fun back then. I think I just like thought that I needed it for I don't know, extra validation, whatever it was.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

If you're still in that phase, we feel you. We feel you, you know, we feel you, you know, do do your thing. Um when it stops being fun, just stop doing it. Yes, you know, but really like listen to yourself when it stops being fun. Yeah, you know, because you can also once unwanted attention goes too far, and it's not your fault if it goes too far, yeah, but it can get really fucking ugly.

SPEAKER_05 17:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

And really bad.

SPEAKER_04 17:01

Yeah, no, like men, some men just don't know when to stop. And when you're not good at t telling them when, like when you're not good at like really being hardcore about when to stop, if you don't know how to be fully assertive, like it just becomes scary. You know, like you actually have to learn how to be like, all right, bro, like I'm gonna say some crazy shit to you to make you leave me alone, you know. Like I just I feel like we just I don't know. Yes, men are scary, but like again, if you're scarier than they are, if you choose to like just channel that in the moment, like most of them will fuck off.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:33

You know, so just PSA to any girlies out there who are like, I have no idea what the fuck to do. Please give that a shot.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, totally agree. What do you think are some common red flags of a fuckboy?

SPEAKER_04 17:45

Slams a cabinet when he's angry.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Mmm. Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Yeah. That's so interesting.

SPEAKER_04 17:52

Yeah. That's like the slams a cabinet when he's angry, withdraws when he's upset, um, like won't answer your texts, but like does like social media games and shit, like, you know, that shit. Um he pretends like he can't understand what you're asking for, or he does like a half-hearted attempt of getting things done the way he's supposed to, or like, you know, just like he says he's gonna do something, doesn't follow through with it. Um like I literally have such a long list.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

They're never ending. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Like that's the vibe.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's the those are such such good observations.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

Yeah. I'm just like going through all my relationships that I was in. And I'm like, what didn't work about this one? What didn't work about that one? Oh shit, I've only ever dated fuckboys. I didn't know that until this episode. So just now. Still literally just now. Like, wow, even the guy, even my sweet ex-husband was a fuckboy. Oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I've I think that it's a hard thing to I I don't I don't want to speak for you or all women, but I'm going to. I think that when you've been in relationships that are really abusive, yeah, everything else other than that seems fine.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

But that doesn't mean that they were.

SPEAKER_04 19:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

A relationship can be toxic without being abusive.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Yeah. Like codependency.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

Codependency can be toxic. There's so there's so many different things. Jealousy, there are just so many different things that can be toxic that aren't necessarily abusive, that aren't um necessarily incredibly unsafe, like get a restraining order type of situation.

SPEAKER_04 19:41

Man, I don't know that shit. I don't know that one.

unknown 19:44

What the fuck, dude? Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

Well, that's I'm about to learn something today.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

What what is your real what is your experience with toxic relationships?

SPEAKER_04 19:56

Um, I thought it was like amazing that my husband didn't yell at me.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Yeah, my ex-husband didn't yell at me. Um, and I thought that meant we had a great relationship because he didn't yell at me. And like that's like because all I knew was men fucking yelling at like losing their fucking minds. Um, and then he was the final, he was the he has been the only partner I've ever had who didn't yell at me, actually. Yeah. So everyone else has. Yeah. So I'm just like, oh well, they're all toxic because they yell at me.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

There's just so much.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That hit hard. I didn't think about that. Yeah. I didn't think about that because I also I grew up with a very, very, very yelling father.

SPEAKER_05 20:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

And yeah, I I remember being like, oh, he's perfect be just because he doesn't yell at me. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

Yeah. Yeah. And I I feel like I um yeah, I haven't that's the only partner I've ever had who didn't yell at me. Uh-huh. I I haven't ever made that connection until now.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

So not yelling that's a good thing for the most part. I I believe that. Everybody is different. Um I don't yell. I won't accept my partner yelling at me. When I have a kid, I will never yell at him. I told you I'm having a boy. Hopefully we'll see. Um, but I I I don't I don't do yelling.

SPEAKER_05 21:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Um, and my sister is the same for obvious reasons. Yeah. But somebody not yelling at you doesn't mean that they're that your relationship is super healthy. You know what I mean? And I think that we can mistake that for thinking that something is amazing and healthy just because you're like, you went from one toxic, horrible situation to something that seems like a little bit better and you're like, this is amazing.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

No, seriously, that's exactly what it was like. Yeah. It was just like learning, like, oh wow, this is amazing. But then, you know, like it's it's really interesting because there's not when you grow up like with the primary um Parent that you have who matches the gender that you're attracted to, like being a fuckboy, then your whole entire life gets informed through the lens of men are supposed to be fuckboys. Oh but like that's so true. It's really interesting. Like the fuckboy addiction is so real. And I literally think I just like was born into that. Like I was born addicted to the fuckboy.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Yeah, yeah. 100%. Yeah. I mean, that's 100% real. Your brain doesn't automatically crave what is healthy or even what feels good. It craves what's familiar. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

The path of least resistance. That's what your nervous system is like, oh, this is familiar. And actually, this untoxic thing is very unfamiliar and which I don't know that feeling yet. And I'm really excited to like have it where I'm like, oh, this is unfamiliar and it's uncomfortable, but it's actually real this time. Holy shit. Because people talk all the time about how when you finally like get into something healthy, um, you are like uncomfortable because your nervous system is trying to go back to what it knows. Yes. And so it pulls you backward. And um I have not yet had that experience in a relationship where I'm like, oh, but this is healthy. And now I feel like I'm being pulled backward. So someday, whenever I do end up deciding to reconsider relationships, that's gonna be I'm excited to experience that.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Yeah. It feels fucking crazy. It does feel crazy and it feels like you are crazy. I felt almost a little bit pathetic when it was happening to me because I was like, oh, I'm not this girl. No. But we all have nervous systems, you know. Not me.

unknown 23:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

Not in my mind, it not makes it back then. Back then. That's really funny. That's like actually one of the funniest things to be personally. Not me. Better than that.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

I I really thought that back back when back when I met Jake. Um, I was I was very, I was also a very young therapist, a very young like CBT DBT therapist that was like, there's a fix for everything. You know? And I was like, this can't be good. And I was like, the way that I felt around him felt so amazing that I was like, ugh. I was like, I can't do this. And even my friend, my friend that I had met him with was like, what is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 24:32

Oh my god, you were avoidant.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

So avoidant. I was a fuck girl. Oh my gosh. I was 100%. I was 100% a fuck girl. Like for so long. And I also, you know, I I I know a lot of fuckboys, I dated a lot of fuck boys, but I was a fuck girl and I was even more of in some of my relationships. I do think that I was even more of like the bigger fuck girl than the fuck boy was. And I think I was like even maybe more of the toxic one in an avoidant way.

SPEAKER_05 25:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

It was more of like not doing than doing.

SPEAKER_05 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Um, but I had such like in the past, such a need for escape from my emotions, and then also like simultaneously a need for validation.

SPEAKER_05 25:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

But it was I was a musical theater kid. Yeah. All I have is big feelings. But I was also like, I will never fucking tell you them because I grew up in a terrible environment where we weren't allowed to have any feelings. Yeah. So you have to know them. And even if you do know them, I will still not admit to them that I will still like I will still do fucking anything to not give you love and to not let you love me.

SPEAKER_05 25:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

And that's what avoidants do, you know. But then there was like this tiny part of me that like really still wanted the validation. And I feel like that came out in the very like manipulative parts and in like, and it came out in like emotional affairs in ways that I could explain away. Cause I was like, oh, if we're not touching, then it doesn't matter. If we don't have sex, then it's not an affair, you know, or which is so fucked up and not true. Honestly, I feel like an emotional affair can be even worse than a sexual affair.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Like there's nothing worse than like sleeping next to you to somebody and texting somebody else, I love you. Whole I did that shit.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

I I've I did that shit. I did um I definitely did that when I was like 18 or 19.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Yeah. This is like around the same time that I'm talking about. Well, no, it it persisted a little bit. Yeah. Um, past that point. But yeah, the like things like that and purposely like pushing someone away just to see what they would do, you know, stuff like that. Very, very avoidant, and then like a little bit of the disorganized would come in, but but mainly avoidant and like just never giving somebody love that they gave me.

SPEAKER_05 27:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

You know, and uh and that that wasn't, those were a few of my relationships because I had one really, really, really fucking bad one, a really abusive one where I was just made to feel like garbage for like I can't even tell you the number of years because that would give away who it was, but it was a lot of fucking years of my adolescence. So yeah, it I feel like I went to like the other side of the spectrum of like I'm gonna be the fuck girl now. And I was like, these dudes deserve it. And also like watching like cheating all the time growing up, being told that cheating was okay, literally verbally told. So I've definitely been the fuck girl a lot of times.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And dudes love the fuck girl the same way that girlies love the fuck boy. They do, they get addicted to that shit. And I I feel like the disorganized attachment, like that's so that's high that's historically been mine where it's just like, oh my god, like what is up and what is down.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Yeah, have you been the fuck girl? Oh.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

Um I've been toxic for sure. Yeah. I've definitely been toxic. Um, and there were times where like how toxic I was like made me uncomfortable. And you know, like I've always like um I I have this thing where I compulsively like if I upset somebody, I want to figure out how to change my behavior because I refuse to accept excuses for poor behavior from myself. Um, and I mean that in a way that's like I know that there's a pathway for healing if I have some poor behavior, whether that be like leaving the situation or leaving the, you know, conversation or like whatever. So I I do try at this phase of my life to be very much not fuck girlish, but historically pretty toxic. Um yeah, just like I just unable to regulate my emotions. Yes. That's that's been the primary thing. It's like my my dysregulated emotions have been the fuck girl element that I have. And then like so that's your flavor, fuck girl. Yeah. My flavor is dysregulation. Whew, my flavor, my flavor is dysregulation. And like with very specific people, it has been like like, oh my God, how do you describe it? Like the most fiery toxicity, like just the fun, the aliveness that I was talking about earlier. Like, you know, the crazy psycho aliveness shit. Um, and everybody has their own flavor of it. Everyone has their own flavor of psycho.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_04 29:46

And I like all the flavors. You like all the flavors? No, I fucking hate them. I you definitely need them. Yeah, no, I did. Um, I did Jesus fucking Christ. I really have you ever had someone that's the same flavor as yours? Uh-huh. That's how I almost died. Okay. Yeah. Like it was, it was literally like it felt like a stalemate until he pulled that move and I was like, nope, I'm out. Too far. Too far. Can't go that far. Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I fucking like it, it felt like a checkmate. I was like, oh my God, I can finally get away. Yeah. You know, and that's that's like where I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Like how how how was it the same flavor? Like, what it what did that look like? What did you guys have in common? Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

Escalation. Um, we both wanted to be like the right one to a persistent degree. Um, mine being kind of like emotionally persistent, his being physically persistent. Yeah. Just an escalation style, like anxious attachment. I had really bad anxious attachment. And it like would make me like be freaked out that he was gonna leave me because I had BPD, anxious attachment, fear of abandonment. Like it was just fucking awful.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:05

So and he apparently was diagnosed NPD at one point in a previous provider. So it was like literally like a fucking perfect storm. Literally light the match and set the place on fucking fire.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:17

Just psycho shit.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:19

I learned um I learned that psycho shit that is uncontrolled is not my flavor of what I like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like the sovereign psycho. Okay. Yeah. You know, just somebody who's not like somebody who's like, you know, I could just become a marathon runner or something like that instead of this toxic shit.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:42

Like I like that.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

Why do you think our girlies keep getting into toxic relationships?

SPEAKER_04 31:51

Well, if they're like me, um, it's intoxicating at first because you know, in to like toxic meets you, it intoxicates you. Um and that should be tracks? It tracks. If A, then B. It is what it is. Um, and that is definitely like for all of us who have that emptiness inside, that intoxication really makes that emptiness a lot quieter. Um, but then it leaves you like devastatingly empty and never full. And that is a major contributing factor.

unknown 32:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

What do you think though?

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Yeah, I completely agree. I do think that our nervous systems, yeah, they like what's familiar.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

They do.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

You know, they and not only okay, in I I see this in two, I see this in two different ways. One is like the meaning-making part of me. Yeah. That is like if you watch such toxic behavior growing up, yeah. So, or experience toxic behavior growing up. So that could be like your parents are in a really toxic relationship, or caretakers, or like a sibling is in a really toxic relationship, or you're in a really toxic relationship in your teen years or early adult years, that is gonna be so normalized to you that anything that you see after that is gonna look normal if not better.

unknown 33:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

You know, because you're like, oh, well, that's not that because this was normal. So in like a more existential way, like in a meaning-making way. Yeah, that's how I see it. And your nervous system is not necessarily looking for something that feels good, it's looking for something that feels like home.

SPEAKER_05 33:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

And it's going to find that.

SPEAKER_05 33:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

And a lot of times it's going to find that in the toxic patterns. Oh, yeah. Like your nervous system very much is not looking at like what's good for me. Yeah. It's looking at like, do I recognize you?

SPEAKER_05 33:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Do I know you? Yeah. And if the answer is yes, then the nervous system is going to relax into it.

SPEAKER_05 34:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

It's going to trust it and it's going to choose it.

SPEAKER_05 34:12

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

You know. And a lot of this is like polyvegal stuff.

SPEAKER_05 34:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

But it that is the reason why like chaos can look like chemistry and inconsistency can look like passion.

SPEAKER_05 34:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

You know? Absolutely. Um, especially if that's what you saw growing up. And it's also I feel like a a lot I see this a lot, but it people feel like being chosen by somebody that is toxic feels like winning a competition that they've been like or like winning a marathon that they've been running their entire lives.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

You know?

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Because that is what they grew up seeing.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

Healing happens when you break that pattern of your nervous system being comforted by toxicity.

SPEAKER_05 35:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Like I think sometimes no, not sometimes, all the time. Asking, is this good for me?

SPEAKER_05 35:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

Regardless of what any single part is telling you. Yeah. Is this good for because your body can like the vulva can tell you a lot of different things.

SPEAKER_05 35:24

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Specifics to not say the vagina because it's the vulva, because that's the whole thing. It can tell you a lot of different things that are not, that are not good for you. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_04 35:35

So it can also specifically tell you when something that you're doing is not good for you.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

Yeah. 100%. You know.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

100%. Multiple different directions.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

But you should always be asking yourself, is this good for me? Ask, ask all the parts, is this good for me? You know? Absolutely. Because a lot of times we're we're just going based on some sort of urge. Yeah. Some sort of urge. And again, some sort of familiarity. Yeah. Some sort of comfort. Yeah. You know? And so that pattern should be broken. And I I do think that our goal in life shouldn't be to find what feels like home.

SPEAKER_05 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

It should be to become a person who prioritizes a home that is actually safe.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

To become home themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Yeah. I love that. And to feel at home in yourself versus trying to find it. Yes. In other people, other places. Yes. And you won't want to you won't. Wherever you go, there you are.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

Wherever you go, there you are.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

Yeah. I love that. That's so true. That's so real.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

Yeah. I want to talk a little bit about why toxic relationships are so addictive.

SPEAKER_04 36:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

Because clearly they are.

SPEAKER_04 36:49

They are. They know better than anybody. Yes. The biggest thing that I know is that we become addicted to them because of intermittent reinforcement. Yeah. So basically the cycle is that there's a um, like the narcissistic abuse cycle kind of, it's also that intermittent reinforcement. So it's like there's, you know, like a love bombing period or just like a um like a chill period that's like good and you know, whatever. Hot and cold. Yeah, tension will rise, an incident will happen, and um then there'll be like a reconciliation period, or for people like the narcissistic abuse cycle, it's like love bombing, um, like devaluing and then like discard or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

I don't remember. But yeah, yeah. Yeah. To me, intermittent reinforcement is inconsistency.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

And it is so addictive for that reason.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

Yeah, because you never know when the reward is coming.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

And so you're like, give me more, give me more.

SPEAKER_04 37:49

It's fucking gambling.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

It fucks with your reward system, it's gambling, which is your like dopamine cycle. Yeah. It fucks with that reward system. So it's always intense affection, then withdrawal. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And your brain will be trained to start chasing the good parts. Yeah. It's a lot of distress, then relief. Yeah. So something that I've heard from a lot of people that are, you know, currently in toxic relationship cycles is that it's it's not even that there's like super high highs and super low lows. It's just that it's okay. Yeah. And then really, really low.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Yes, that is exactly what it's like.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

But it's enough.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

Yeah. It's enough. Well, yeah, because like you just you become a fucking fiend. You're fiending for it the next hit. Yes. It's literally like a fucking addiction.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

It is 100% an addiction. Yeah. Yeah. And it it literally becomes a hit like a drug.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

It does. Because your nervous system, there's no greater drug than your attachment system. There is no greater drug. There's no greater drug than something that feels like love.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Yes. Well, I mean, literally in the brain, it's like when the lows are low, when someone's making you feel bad, making you feel like garbage, and that can look very different depending on the person. Yeah. But that increases cortisol levels, which is anxiety, distress.

SPEAKER_05 39:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

And then once things are good, things are fine, things are settled, however that looks, it's all of the dopamine and oxytocin. Yes. So literally that is the same exact thing that happens with drugs. Yes. Or alcohol or anything, any any type of vice. Yes. In IFS, we call them firefighters, but it's neither here nor there. But it is what you are, what you need for your brain. So it literally becomes a need the way that drugs become a need.

SPEAKER_05 39:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

And I've always said this about drugs that drugs are just a way to regulate an already dysregulated nervous system.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Toxic relationships are kind of the same.

SPEAKER_04 39:59

They are a thousand percent the same.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

And then they do the opposite the same way that drugs do the opposite. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 40:05

Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. So I feel like it's it's just that addiction feeling. Like it's it's just compulsive. It's very much like it's familiar, it's comfortable, it's known, it's like the up and the down, it's what I grew up with, it's what I know. It's that, you know, that kind of idea, that kind of thought feeling. Um that seems to be the primary like kicker on people.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Absolutely. Yeah. It's that reward system too. A thousand percent. When you when you have something and then don't have it anymore, you'll just do anything to win that back.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

It's gambling. It's it's literally like it is fuckboys are a casino. Fuck boys are a casino.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

And they are a casino. Yes. And you are not bonded to the person, you're addicted to the cycle.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

Yes. And the problem is like you could replace them with any fucking toxic ass motherfucker, and you would still be like, absolutely. Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

You could replace them with any person. You could also replace them like any with anything, like you just said, gambling. Yeah. Replace them with drugs, alcohol, food, food, yeah. Any anything that you can get addicted to, you can just as easily get addicted to people.

SPEAKER_05 41:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

And I think that we don't recognize that as much as we should. No, we don't. We really, really don't. I do think that a lot of times people feel so connected to somebody that's toxic. And again, we were talking about like somebody like matches your flavor of toxicity. Like I've definitely had somebody that matched my avoidance. And I was like, oh, he's even more avoidant. Wow. You know? Yeah. Um, and so I I totally understand that. I I know that anytime you are in a toxic relationship or an abusive relationship, mainly you are trauma bonded.

SPEAKER_04 41:52

Oh, a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

And people I don't think understand what trauma bonding means. It doesn't mean that you were bonded over trauma. It doesn't mean that you both, you know, had a vulnerable moment and talked about both of your traumas, and you were like, oh, we have so much in common and we were so close. It's not that. Trauma bonding is pretty similar to like Stockholm syndrome. Yeah. It is just somebody being toxic, maybe abusing you, and you are addicted to it. That's that is what a trauma bond is. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, no, a thousand percent. I was in a really, really bad abusive relationship. And the last time that I was in that was 17, 18. Yeah. At that point. It went on for a very, very long time. But I was like, I will never, ever, ever do that again. Yeah. And I feel like my window of tolerance got extremely, extremely small. Yeah. Um, for something like that, and my standards got very high.

SPEAKER_04 42:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

You know, it it doesn't mean that I didn't have toxic relationships or toxicity. Again, I was very avoidant. I would either be the toxic person or I would find somebody just as avoidant as me, which is what I ended up doing before Jake. But um yeah, I I do think that that was my rock bottom. And I was very young for that to happen. Yeah. But I'm glad that it was so brutal and so rough. Yeah. But I'm glad that it didn't happen. You're glad that it happened that young because I do feel like the worst is over for me.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I definitely feel like the worst is over for me too. And I feel like I learned it a little bit later in life, but um it still feels just as valuable, you know.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

100%. It it does it doesn't matter. Yeah. When you learn it.

SPEAKER_04 43:44

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I feel like I feel like the the choice to not the choice to realize that freedom is a gift and it's a gift that you have to choose. Yes. Is one of the most important things you can do in life. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and consciousness is a medium through which you can choose that freedom, right? Like having free free will, agency, you know, choice, whatever you want to call it. Um, but deciding that you are the master of your own destiny and that you can keep yourself from being in a shitty situation by one, figuring out a way to leave the shitty situation that you're in, and then two, not doing that to yourself again.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Which is fucking hard to do.

SPEAKER_04 44:31

Oh my God, it's like the hardest thing you're ever gonna fucking do, but it's still worth the effort every single time.

SPEAKER_02 44:35

Yeah. Yeah. So how do you think that our girlies can recognize toxic relationships and what should they do about it if they've recognized that they're in one?

SPEAKER_04 44:49

So if you there's symptoms of it, right? If you find yourself crying over this person multiple times, yeah, there's a really good chance shit's not okay. Like either you got something going on or they're doing something to you. Um if you're if you spend more moments with them, thinking about them, like talking about them, if more often than not, those moments leave you anxious, that's a good sign that, hey, something's not right. Um, and if you just kind of feel like they're the center of your universe, there's something's not right. You know, like um they can be the center of your heart, but like your universe know. So those are like, yeah, those are like because that that's those are all indicative that the relationship is demanding more from you than what you have to give to it.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:31

Um, because it's taking your peace away from you. And peace is not something that is meant to be compromised on. Yeah. Yeah. Peace is extraordinarily important. Um so if your peace is disrupted, there's a good chance you're in a toxic relationship. And the way you fucking deal with that is by taking back your peace, because that means taking back your power and it's putting it somewhere where it actually benefits you rather than limits you. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, you know, give the give the, hey, I'm lonely. I don't really, you know, like the way this is working. Like, I miss when, you know, we would do this. What can we do about it? And then leave the space for them to make the choice and accept that if their choice is, they don't do shit about it. That's your answer. That's the answer you're trying to avoid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Ball in their court and be ready to receive it back if they throw it, but they typically don't.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

Yeah. I that can that can we not the fuck boys versus the right not fuck boys. The not fuck boys. What are the not fuck boys? The not boys. The hot boys. They're hot boys.

SPEAKER_04 46:40

Hot boy psychology.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

We love hot boys at hot girl psychology.

SPEAKER_04 46:44

We do love hot boys at hot girl psychology.

SPEAKER_02 46:45

We're not trying to leave you out.

SPEAKER_04 46:47

Yeah, we love you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's the way to get out of a toxic situation.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Yeah. Yeah. What are your thoughts? Yeah, I uh I love all of that. I I do think that first of all, notice inconsistency. That to me is the biggest red flag. Notice the inconsistency, notice any type of chaos, and then also notice a lot of us have vices. We don't necessarily need to call them addictions because they're they're not all, you know, full-fledged addictions. Yeah. Addiction usually means it's like really fucking hurting you, and not all of our vices really fucking hurt us. So let's say that you have any other vice, does this relationship feel similar to that vice? Yeah. Do you feel the are there the addiction feelings happening? Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_04 47:47

Are you using it to run away from something?

SPEAKER_02 47:49

Yes, yes. Because a lot of times our vices are to escape from something. Yeah. And if it does have those elements, it doesn't necessarily make it bad, but keep asking the questions. Is this good for me? What is this person's behavior? Is this person's behavior consistent? Are they making me feel at peace or at peace and romantic and passionate? Or are they making me feel fucking horrible and passionate? And you know what I mean? Like what what is the base? What is the basis there? Absolutely. Because I think that a lot of times the basis there is toxicity.

SPEAKER_04 48:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

And there's so many like sprinkles on top of it that we can't see what the ice cream flavor is.

SPEAKER_04 48:36

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

You know? Absolutely. Yeah. So try to find out what the fuck the ice cream flavor is. Yeah. And once you once you have figured that out, this is just hitting home because I've given this uh guidance a lot in the past few weeks. But if you realize that somebody or that your relationship is toxic, either they're toxic or your relationship with them is toxic. Maybe you're the toxic one, whatever it is. Don't do the back and forth because the roller coaster is going to continue. If you're like, I don't think we're right for each other. And especially if the other person uses intermittent reinforcement, they're gonna be like, you're you know what, you're right, we're not, but I love you. And so this was really sucks. You're like, wait, you loved me? You're like, yeah, I really did. So, you know, I I I did want to take you out to dinner, like, oh wow, no, we can go out to dinner, like, okay, yeah, uh, I'll pick you up tomorrow. Actually, no, fuck you. You know, it's it's it can be very, very up and down, and the roller coaster will continue. Yeah. So the only way to get yourself off of the roller coaster, the only way to get yourself out of the cycle is to disengage.

SPEAKER_04 49:52

The only fucking way. The only way to get off the roller coaster is to get off the roller coaster.

SPEAKER_02 49:56

Stop talking to them. No contact. No contact. Say your piece. Yes, get out. You don't, if you want to hear their piece, you can, but for the most part, get out.

SPEAKER_04 50:08

Yep. And if you can't, if if you absolutely cannot do no contact, fucking gray rock. You are as boring and nothing and completely unexciting like a gray rock. And that is the only thing you are ever to that person. And you do that strategically so that they don't get a rise out of you and you finally get to go back in your power.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

Oh, so you act like a gray rock. You definitely act like I was like, what are you saying?

SPEAKER_04 50:31

Wait, you've never heard of the gray rock method? No, no, I haven't. I like it though. Yeah, it's it's like the best tool for getting yourself out of a super toxic, um, like a toxic co-parenting situation or like a toxic like, you know, ex situation where you have to be in contact with them or like you work with them or some shit like that. Like, and they, you know, like use that as a way to corner you and you just give them nothing.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Fucking nothing.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

You starve them. Yeah, you absolutely starve them of any attention that you could possibly give them. And then they like, you know, an animal get bored and then go find something else to fuck fuck with somebody else, yeah. Because narcissism is just a step above being an animal.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

Yes, yeah. Yeah, which makes sense. But I I feel like so an a way to gray rock is blocking them, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:14

That is definitely a way to gray rock. If you can fucking cut them out, like just do it. Just do it, just erase them from your past, race, just future, erase them from everything. I every time I'm I'm out of a relationship, like it's always it always ends badly enough. Um, thanks, dudes, look at that for me. It always ends bad.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

Thanks, dudes.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Thanks for the trauma. Now we have a podcast. Hey, I know you're listening. So, girlies, if you have learned anything from this episode, fuck fuckboys.

SPEAKER_04 51:50

Don't fuck the fuckboys. Don't fuck the fuckboys. Fuck fuck boys. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:55

Don't physically fuck the fuckboys, but metaphysically fuck fuckboys.

SPEAKER_04 52:01

And the reason why fuckboys are so good in bed is because that's the only thing they're good at.

SPEAKER_02 52:06

I don't think they're always good in bed.

SPEAKER_04 52:08

Take that out.

SPEAKER_02 52:09

Don't fuck fuckboys. Don't fuck the fuck boys because they do not deserve your love and your incredible, incredible, beautiful cookies.

unknown 52:24

Cookies.

SPEAKER_03 52:25

Is that the hot girl psychology official terminology we were gonna use?

SPEAKER_02 52:29

Yeah, I don't think I don't I don't know if we can say I don't know if we can say any any more than that. But yeah. Um and if you're in if you are in a toxic relationship, we fucking get you. We have all been there. It sucks. You are normal. Yeah, we we we 100% get it. Tune in next week when we will be talking about more hot girl things, more hot girl things.

SPEAKER_05 52:56

Bye, girl.

SPEAKER_04 53:01

Hot girl psychology, hot girl psychology, hot girl psychology.