Ep 3: How Becoming an Escort Changed My Future

Financial pressure after graduating from prestigious Juilliard with an acting degree pushed Isadora from juggling multiple jobs to an interview to be an escort.  Isadora walks through her first days while she tries to reconcile her identity with financial survival.  As Isadora sees the sex work industry more clearly, she understands what it can offer in concrete terms: time, stability and a sense of control.  Her resilience is far from moral collapse and rather a savvy strategy to stay afloat.

Transcript

How Becoming an Escort Changed My Future

ISADORA: So I tried to get this catering job, and I had that for a little bit, um, for like two days because I got, you know. Boob. My, my boobs got in the, the chocolate mousse basically. And so that's, I was fired on the spot. Not a very good waitress.

JANINE: Hi Isadora. 

ISADORA: Hi. 

JANINE: How are you? 

ISADORA: I'm good. It's great to see you again on Zoom, in your little Zoom square. 

JANINE: So I'd love to know what your life was like before you became an escort. 

ISADORA: Oh, did I have one? No, I did. Right before. Right before. Right before, yes. Oh, right before I was. I was so lucky I was going to Julliard, which is a really good, you know what Julliard is?

JANINE: I know Julliard. I think everyone knows Julliard. 

ISADORA: Everyone. I don't know. Julliard is a really great conservatory for artists, you know, for actors and singers and dancers and musicians especially. But, so I was there as an actor and uh, it was four years, the program, and I had already done five years of bachelor's. So now I was like. Oh, no. I'm gonna be so old. I could be a doctor without any money. 

JANINE: Were you a drama? Were you a drama major in college? 

ISADORA: Yeah, I was. I was in drama in college too. Oh, okay. Yeah. And writing, you know, playwriting and stuff. But, um, anyway, and I had a, I was, I didn't know this at the time. I don't know, you'll have to tell me how your family was about this, but my family didn't have much money, so they couldn't afford to send me to Julliard. And, uh, I worked my whole way through bachelor's school. I worked at a lot of hotels. In New York, um, doing room service. 'cause you could work, I could go to school from seven in the, OR eight in the morning until the evening and then do rehearsal. And then after rehearsal I could go straight to my job. So I'd work all night long at the Ritz Carlton or at the UN Plaza or something like this. And I had so many jobs, catering, you know, everything to put myself through school. And then, um, when Julliard. Was finishing at the same time that happened was the same time that student loans became due. And I had been working all these jobs and I just never had enough. And I, I lived off of credit cards, you know, every month. Um, this huge credit card debt and huge student loan debt. So when it all came due at one time and I had no job to go into, I was petrified. 

JANINE: You had all these other jobs going on, why couldn't you just stick with them? 

ISADORA: Yeah, I mean, that's such a good question. You know, I, so I tried to get this catering job and I had that for a little bit, um, for like two days because I got, you know. Boob. My, my boobs got in the, the chocolate mousse basically. And so that's why I was fired on the spot. Not a very good waitress, but I would have these jobs and I'd get fired because I'd get an audition or I'd, I'd wanna take a class or do things like this. This was very. It sounds like it was a long period of time, but it was very compact. So I graduated, I was trying to do all these other jobs, um, but it wasn't enough to ever pay anything. And I was constantly like two or three jobs. And one was catering and one was waitressing, and one was room service, and one was somebody's maid and one was a temp person that went over to somebody's house to babysit. And it was so many, many jobs and none of them made that much money. And, and they could just barely keep me in my apartment, but not enough to like, to breathe. Um, but so I got the village voice and I'm sitting on the floor of my apartment thinking, you know, I, and there was overdue bills. I remember just overdue bills on the floor and, um, and crying and smearing the ink on the over two bills.

Just every time I'd write something down. But on the back of the paper. It was this ad that said, girls, girls, girls earn a thousand dollars a week. Escorts wanted no sex involved. And I thought, I have, it takes me a month to make a thousand dollars, maybe more, you know, how do you make that in a week? And then it said, no sex involved. And I thought, well, they couldn't say that unless it was true. You can't just say stuff unless it's true. Ah, the good old days, right? Yeah. I, I feel like every woman has looked at those ads at one point in their life going, like, trying to, I, I remember going, looking at them, trying to figure out like, huh, really? Yeah, absolutely. What do tell? But I didn't take any steps towards it. 

JANINE: Well, what did you imagine? 

ISADORA: No, I was trying to think I, this whole idea of, if they use the word escort too, thinking that that means like taking men to dinner and just being pretty and addressed. I mean, I worked at the Four Seasons and they had these power lunches that happened and big-time dinners and so there are always beautiful women in beautiful dresses with old guys, right? Yeah. So I was like, oh, those must be. The escorts and that's, and their, and their job ends at after the dinner. Right. So that's what I thought too. I guess we both had like this Cinderella fantasy of it. You know, I thought that, I thought, oh, I guess you escort them to the charity balls. And so it's like being Cinderella, you go to the ball and then at midnight you go home.  And there's older men, so they like having pretty younger girls on their arms and that was the whole thing. And they wouldn't say no sex involved unless there was no sex involved. You can't just say there's no sex involved and have there be sex involved. 

JANINE: Ha ha ha. How did you learn, how did you learn there was sex involved?

ISADORA: Well, that's a little longer of the story, but, but yeah, so anyway, that's, that's how it all began. Yeah. 

JANINE: So I would've been close to calling that number. So what happened with you? 

ISADORA: So, yeah, so I was beyond broke and when I saw it, I was like, okay, if I could make a thousand dollars for just one week of work, that would help so much. So I called and the first thing that they said to me was, what is your measurements? And I hung up the phone because I was like, oh my God, I think there's sex involved. You know, why would they ask for your boob size? Right? So, uh, it took me like three tries and I went back and forth in my head about it. Because I was thinking, what if it is like sex involved? What does that mean? What does that mean? Does that mean like, is this prostitution? Like, is that prosti? Like if, if you're wearing nice clothes and you're not like on the street and you, and you have sex with a guy and he pays you, is that still prostitution? Or is it only prostitution if you're like on a street corner and a pimp is standing there, like I don't, I don't know. I was really confused about the whole thing and I only saw it in movies, so I was like, I don't know what the wrong, because I slept with men for free and they just left and I felt like shit and my rent was not paid, you know? So I dunno. I was like, what? Well, this might not be so bad, I guess, but what if there's like people there, like once you get hooked in, it's like drugs you, you can't get out. You know? It's like you, those parking. Things where you go over the metal spikes and it says, do not back up, or your tires will be punctured. And I was like, that's what this is. Once I crossed that line, my tires are gonna be punctured. So I was really scared, but I called this place and she said, yes, can you come in for an interview? And I said, sure. And then she said, now. Which was crazy. So I was living on the west side and her address was on the east side on First Avenue, all the way, first Avenue. That's really far, and I didn't have enough money to get across town. A bus or anything. And so I walked and it was hot and it was summer and there was a garbage strike in New York because I was like walking in a sauna with garbage across Manhattan, you know, trying to arrive fresh as a daisy. And I didn't know what you wore for an interview to be an escort. So I wore like combat boots and not combat boots, but granny shoes and purple tights, and this really exotic skirt with elephants on them. Ham goes, I thought that was pretty, and I wore this, you know, Victoria's Secret, you know, uh, um, you know, the button down the back. 

JANINE: A Victorian collar. 

ISADORA: Yeah, like a Victorian thing. 'cause I, I loved thrift stores, you know, and my, and I had taken my hair and dyed it a couple. A few months before Blue Black, as you can tell, my hair is not blue black, but blue black. You were like, and I made a perm, so I looked like Rosanna, Rosanna, Danna a little bit. JANINE: You know, you were like covered in clothing from like head to toe.

ISADORA: Yeah. Because I thought it's so romantic, right? To wanna take off the clothing of like Emily Dickinson or somebody. No, nobody wants that. But I thought, yeah, so romantic. So I went on the interview. And, um, they gave me this application on a clipboard. I mean, if you went on an interview to be an escort, what would you expect? What would you expect to happen when you got there? I don't know. I just imagine kind of a seedy place, just a little dirty and run down. Uh, I don't really think much beyond that. Yeah, I thought that too. I was thinking also maybe that there was going to be a pimp behind like a closet. Or something. And if I said the wrong thing, they would jump out and capture me and I'd be in, I don't know, just fantasies, you know.

JANINE: But what was it like? 

ISADORA: So it was really this nondescript building, um, with no doorman and very clean and an elevator up to, I think she was on the third floor of five. And, um, it was like a one-bedroom apartment that was, it was in the afternoon, so there was hardly anybody around. And it was a living room with.

You know, like a sofa and everything like that. And then in the bedroom area was an office where you could see desks and things like that. And this girl answered the door and she was wearing a ballet tutu and she, she was barefoot and she was smoking a cigarette and she had an ashtray, I think it was Hilton ashtray or something in the other hand. And she told me to come in. She sat me down and she gave me an application, like the kind that you fill out for regular jobs. And they, she wants to have your driver's license and all this. I'm like, oh my God, I thought I'm gonna be like an escort. Like what is this job thing going on? But I filled it out and then she told me to come back later. Um, that I would meet Susan, and Susan would be the one who, it was her business and she was, I guess what you would consider a madam. Um, but to me Susan was more just like a really savvy business owner. Um, so I went back. I guess it was just a couple. I had to go home, shower, change, and think, okay, am I really gonna do this? I mean, I don't know if there's sex involved. I don't know what this is, but I also don't have any money to even take a bus at this point. So if I work tonight, maybe I'll make some of that $1,000 and I'll have some freedom a little bit maybe. I don't know. I was so frightened of the bills that were piling up and what I would do and I didn't wanna be homeless, obviously, so, so I went back.
 JANINE: Wait, Isadora, I have a question about this building. Like how, I don't know, like how does this all go on in just a regular apartment building on the side? 

ISADORA: Well, okay, good. That's a very good question. There's no sex happening in that building. What's happening is they have an office and these, it was an escort agency. So the agency takes out an ad in what at that time was called the phone book. We don't have them anymore, but do you remember the phone books, the yellow pages? Yes, of course. I mean like seven feet tall. I used to sit on them as like booster seats. 

JANINE: That's right. For Thanksgiving or something.

ISADORA: When the kids were relegated to the children's table, we sat on the phone books. Well, half of those pages were escort ads and um. At the time in New York, those were like $5,000 a month for one page. And of course, as a person, like an individual can't afford that, but an agency can. So Susan had a, a, an agency. And so really if you lived in the building, all you would put probably see is people coming and going, but. Just nice girls. You wouldn't really think much about it. There was no, um, there was no men coming around or anything like that. Um, it was just the office turned out years later, I found out there was also a, an Asian escort agency going on in that same building. I don't know. It was the building for it. But anyway, so I came back after hiking back across the city. And this time it was like five o'clock or so, and the office was filled with other girls now that were all coming in to be on the clock. And they would sit and wait until they got sent to wherever they were being sent to. I thought to charity balls. But you know, and I met a girl sitting next to me named Kate. She was from Ireland and she had a really thick accent, which I can't really do very well. But anyway, um, and, uh. Immediately I kind of became friends with her. She kind of was really important because to me, because I felt really scared and alone and all of a sudden the front door burst open and this tiny woman maybe. My height, you know, like five foot three, five foot four tiny and slim, but wearing like an elegant pants suit by oh whoever, Hermes or some something amazingly expensive. And she wafts in. She has these little spectacle glasses and short. Bobbed hair. She's completely perfectly coughed and nailed and everything. She like breezes through the door, can practically feel the breeze behind her. Looks at me on the sofa, scans the room, goes into the office, slams the door, and says, what the hell is that on my sofa? And I'm like, oh, she made me this, which she did mean me. And I thought, I don't know what's wrong with me because I do so well in the real world and suddenly I'm not doing very well. I don't know, perception. Well, what did the other women look like? They looked like regular people like me and you right now. They didn't look like what you, what you see in the movies or TV as what they portray as hookers. You know, they just looked like nice girls who went to Julliard or Dartmouth or any school. It wasn't, you know, and a lot of 'em also at the, at, while they're in the office are just wearing sweatpants and they're not dressed up unless they've already gone and come back. But she came out and she interviewed me and, you know, she gave me two names because she, you had a $200 an hour name, and a $300 an hour name because she had two different ads. So she didn't wanna lose any of the clients, you know, like she didn't wanna lose any of the men who couldn't afford the $300 an hour, and she didn't want to. Go too cheap either. So it was kind of funny. So she, we had two names. I was, um, Natasha for my $300 name, beautiful model, actress. And, um, $200 was Gwen Gwendolyn, Gwen, and I, and then she talked, taught me about stealing, um, and she took somebody else's wallet and she said to Kate, the girl sitting, she said, gimme your wallet. And she held the wallet and she said. Whose wallet is this? And I said, Kate's. And she said, and if I take this wallet and I go into the wallet and I take out some money from the, what is that? And I said, oh, it's stealing. She said, that's right. It's stealing. So, and she hands Kate back the, uh, wallet and she says, if you give your business, uh, give your number to any of my clients that you see, you are stealing them from me, and I will blacklist you around this whole city and you will never work again. So don't do it. I was like, oh my God, this is like a whole business going on here. I don't even know. Then she went into the office and the office started clearing out, like girls were going on calls and I wasn't going, and I was so nervous and I thought, I don't know what to do. Like what do you do when you get there? How do you ask for the money? What do you say? How do you know? Like. How do you know if the hour starts? How do you know if the hour's up? What do you, what do you do? You have to have sex. Like my head was just, I was terrified. And so I started asking all these questions to the two girls sitting next to me and nobody would say anything. I learned later, it's 'cause they don't know me and I could be a cop, but I didn't know that that's what they were, you know, concerned about. So at the very end I'm thinking, you know, I don't have to go, I'm not gonna do this. I'm too scared. You know? I mean, you're an actor. So you know, you know when you, right before you go on stage and you have that huge panic attack of like stage fright sometimes.

JANINE: Oh my God, I had it so bad I had to be medicated for it.

ISADORA: So this is like that. I mean, I never had it for actual stage as much, but I had it for this. I was like, I think, I think I'm gonna die, and I must have gone in the bathroom like 700 times. And finally. She calls my name, I think it was Gwen or something, and she says, Gwen, Kate and this other girl, Dawn, and she said, I have a call for you. And I thought, oh, separate Together. It turned out we were all three going together. Well, thank God, because I was like, I don't know how to do this. So Kate was great. She kind of took control of the whole thing, you know? Um, and we went and we got a cab. We got in the cab and we got to the place and it was this beautiful apartment building that I've, I've only walked by them. You know, you can live in a city, but if you've never gone into some of the places, you don't realize the luxury, you know? Absolutely. Right. I mean, so we walked into this building and it's, we know. More beautiful than I've ever seen. And it, it's turned out it was kind of a corporate apartment, but I didn't know. And we get there and there's three Japanese businessmen who barely speak any English. And there's an obvious guy who's, who's the leader or the group, you know. And um, they huddle together and they pick who they want. And the lead guy wants Kate 'cause she's beautiful. And the other guy wants this other beautiful girl, and I'm stuck in the dining room with this other guy who's obviously not the leader either. And I end up kind of in the bathroom locking myself in for a little bit and thinking, I can't go out there. I'm not going out there because I will actually puncture my own tires if I go out there. But, um, I think it was Dawn who knocked on the door and she's like, Gwen, you're coming out. So I came out and I thought, okay. How do I make this? Like, what do you do? What do you do? I don't even know what I do. I'm standing in a dining room and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And so I had in my bag, do you know what a, a morning candle is for Jewish people? I don't know what that is. It's called a yitz candle, isn't that right? Um, but it's, um, it's in glass. And what people who are mourning do is they light it and they leave it in the sink. And, um, and then they let you know it's sort of in the memory of the person. Um, so I brought one of those 'cause I don't know why, because I'm crazy because I didn't have any other candles. So I brought that and I brought matches and I brought, um, a book on how to make love to a man in case I had time to peruse that and figure it out. I just couldn't figure out why, why they were paying so much money. And, and, and what I should do to make it interesting if I had to do that. 

JANINE: Did you have that book or did you—

ISADORA: Yeah, no, I bought, I bought a little book of like, it was about, it was like a hand sized book, like if you walked into a bookstore and there was like the ones that are at the checkout counter, you know. Anyways, I had that, How to Make Love. I still have that book because I kept it as a keepsake, but, 'cause you know. And I had a daisy razor because I wasn't sure how deep we were going into this situation, but in the, so I lit the candle and I didn't know what to do and I noticed that Kate had left condoms on the table and I thought, oh God, if condoms are involved, there must be sex involved. What am I supposed to do? Then I thought, well, how do you start sex with somebody that you don't know? So I just kind of started to go to kiss him and I remembered Kate saying, you don't kiss the men, you don't kiss him. And I was like, okay. So I kind of moved my face over and started to kiss the side of his neck. And he was like, so not wanting that. And he just kind of put his hand on my head and kind of pushed me slowly down, down, down until I was kind of eye level with his kinda one eye and he had taken off his trousers. So I was still dressed, but he was pantsless and, and then he grabbed the back of my head and he was small, you know, like if I stuck out my thumb, that's about the size he was. So it was like that poem, you know, that Tom Thumb poem is like, stick a thumb in the plum and pull it out. Wow. What is that poem? I don't know. But a thumb is very small, thank God, because it just stuck the thumb in my mouth. I thought, well, I could figure this out from here, but I had the condom on it, you know? And so that was good. But then he made the weirdest sound, so he was holding onto the back of my head and pulling me, and every time he pulled me, he went, Okie, Okie, Okie. And he did three Okies, and then he was done, which was fast and a relief, I guess. I don't know. I was kind of up for the adventure, but I was like, okay, this is the end of the story. He toddled off with the condom dangling on his peepee to wherever the bathroom was. And I was just sitting there and I thought, oh, okay, well I better get things together then I could hear that the other girls were wrapping things up and everybody was kind of coming out of the room. And Kate came over and Dawn and I were standing with Kate and um, said Goodbye. And we went out into the hall and the two girls are rolling their eyes like, aren't these guys asshole fools? And I thought, I won't. They weren't. That bad. I mean, I don't know why they have to do the whole drama of the eye roll, but Okay. And we end up in the elevator and Kate hands us each our share. So I got 200 of which I was gonna split 50-50 with Susan. Um, and I get my 200 and I remember thinking that I was going to think, oh my God, this is devastating. I'm, I'm, I'm a whore now. I'm a prostitute. I'm like, I'm gonna have to hate myself. I've done the thing and there's no going back, and I thought I was going to cry. Instead, I got the money and I thought, oh my God, this is so much shorter than a restaurant shift. I mean, this is fabulous. I didn't have to, this was quick and easy and my God, if this goes on for the whole week, I will make a thousand dollars any week and I will be able to pay off my debts and I will be able to go back to acting and I will be able to like start my life again. So I was like, we got back to the office and Susan said, how'd you do? And I said. Yeah. And she said, you ready for another? I'm like, yeah. So she sent me out like 10 times that night to all these various crazy situations. The sun was coming up and I, my contact lenses were sticking to my eyes and I was just so grateful to her. But she had, by the way, I forgot to say this, she put me on, um, a trial basis because I was very un groomed, as she said. And I needed to do something about my nails and my hair and my clothes and my this and my that. And she didn't know if the men were gonna like me, but she wasn't gonna, um, you. She was there to make money. If men liked me, that was fine. So I went home and I had, I was living on this five floor walkup and I got to my room and I put emptied up my backpack on the bed.  And some of them had wax on it, because you don't just blow out a candle and put it right back in your bag, which is what I did. So, so some of the money was sticking to itself and, um, and I counted it and it was over a thousand dollars. And some of it, you know. I had to pay for cabs during the night and I thought, okay, my whole life is now gonna be different. All I have to do is do this for a little while and I'll have my life back. And so it was like, ah, dreams do come true in the weirdest way. That's, that was my first night. Wow. See all that you missed by not calling that ad line, you should have called it. Look at the party you missed. 

JANINE: Isadora, if I added escorting to my life. I, yeah, I don't know where I would be. Okay. Well then I have questions for you, so we will do that. Thank you so much for listening. Please share this episode with someone who might need to hear it. 

ISADORA: When you follow us and when you hit like or leave a rating, you help us reach others who may feel overwhelmed by something so much bigger than themselves, or who just might need to laugh. We're glad you're here. Be gentle with yourself.