Ep. 4: Xavier “The Chaos Calmer” Ezra | Gratitude, Service & Taking Control of Your World

In this episode of BrighterDaze with Sara, Sara sits down with Xavier Ezra for a powerful conversation about gratitude, service, hardship, and learning how to take control of your world when life feels chaotic.

Xavier opens up about his work in the nonprofit space, including housing support, transitional living, community initiatives, and violence prevention. He shares the reality of helping people through unstable seasons, the emotional weight of service work, and why compassion matters when people are trying to rebuild their lives.

He also reflects on his own experiences with hardship, including moments of homelessness, separation, uncertainty, and starting over. Through those seasons, Xavier learned to shift his mindset, embrace gratitude, and find strength in the things that cannot be taken away — health, family, purpose, and the ability to keep moving forward.

Together, Sara and Xavier talk about the power of perspective, the importance of balance, and the reminder that happiness and gratitude often require daily intention. Xavier also shares the story behind his 108-bead gratitude practice and how naming what he is grateful for helps him reset during difficult moments. 

Listen in for an honest and inspiring conversation about service, resilience, gratitude, and choosing to move through life with purpose — even when things are not perfect.

Amazon: The Art of Us: Bridging the Gender Divide

Transcript

Sara D.: 0:13

Welcome to BrighterDaze with Sara. This is a space where we get lost in gratitude instead of drowning in despair. I'm your host, Sara Dorris; here, we talk to people, we celebrate their victories, and we talk about resilience, gratitude, and daily life motivators. And today, y'all, I am as usual, excited because we have an old friend. We actually ended up going to church together for a while. Xavier Ezra, and I love this man. He is very, I don't know, he's just so charming and such a nice guy, and I just love him. So yeah, I'm glad to share this moment with you guys. Welcome Xavier.

Xavier Ezra: 0:49

And Hello. Hello. Glad to be here.

Sara D.: 0:53

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How are you feeling today? What's your day been like? Um, it's been a long week and I, I'm glad to be at the end of a, a workday.

Xavier Ezra: 1:01

Good. Productive. So I'm at, I'm at the, today's the first, so that's usually when I do the bulk of my work for my business. And then after that, I'm pretty much bumming out the rest of the month

Sara D.: 1:13

Hmm.

Xavier Ezra: 1:14

doing whatever I wanna work on.

Sara D.: 1:15

Oh are you an Entreprenuer?

Xavier Ezra: 1:17

I do, I run a couple of different things right now. So I have, um, still my nonprofit in Central Florida in St. Petersburg where we do housing for the homeless. We also have one of those properties over here where we just started a transitional house for senior living. Um, I'm also working with the city over here with the, um, what they call key coalition, which is like the association for the neighborhood. So we're kind of working with that. We also started a non-violent gun initiative with this organization called Saving All My Bros. So that's more like a teen initiative, um, you know, introducing like curriculums to like schools around conflict resolutions and um, you know, basically a curriculum that we're kind of working on. But those are, those are all the projects that I got going on right now.

Sara D.: 2:06

I mean, they're all such, they're pretty much passion projects. They all show that you really have a heart for the people. For all people. Yeah, absolutely. The, the, um, well, the homeless thing we've been doing for a while. I'm, I'm fortunate and, and blessed to be able to make a living and do what I'm passionate about. Um, so it really doesn't feel like, like work at this point. Like, like anything else, right? It has, its up and ups and downs and, you know, challenges, but, uh, overall rewarding. So I'm, I'm extremely, we feel blessed to be able to do what we've been doing for as long as we've been doing it too.'cause that line of work is for a lot of people. They kind of start and they, you know, see that it's not as, as, um. As, I don't even know what, what to call it at this point, but it is not as clean as you would think or, or cutthroat. It is kind of just, you know, you, you're dealing with people that are unstable and you're trying to create stability, you know, in a world where there is none, basically. Those are kind of some of the challenges of, of doing transitional. I think anybody that goes into a a nonprofit area, you've gotta be, I don't know, I wanna say you have to have like a, this is gonna sound like real woo woo, but I think you have like a special calling in your life to care for others and to deal with the daily grit of what comes along with trying to help people.'cause sometimes you try to help people and it's like the help you provide. They may not want what they need. It, or maybe they're ungrateful, but it's okay 'cause they're having such a hard time. It's just like, I'm just trying to help you with this.

Xavier Ezra: 3:48

Yeah, it, it's definitely you gotta, you know, for, for lack of a, maybe not a a, a good phrase, but we say you gotta be a special type of crazy to do what we do, right? Because there's small wins, few far in between. Sometimes it feels like, I mean, you know, we've helped hundreds of people. Get off the street and go into housing to create stability in their life with collaborations, with other nonprofits, finding them work, you know? And for the most part, you know, out of a hundred people that you help, you might have three that I would consider, you know, successes that are grateful, that go on to be productive and, you know, and, and live a good quality of life. You know, so those. Those few in between kind of keep you going and motivated to wanna help people out.'cause it's not always rewarding. It's, it's more challenges than, you know, than, than what you would think. You know. Or maybe you would, you would know you've dealt with ministry and you've. Help your mom out and you guys did the food pantry and dealt with the homeless and you know, the challenges that come to that comes with doing that type of work. You know, so you, you do have a pa you have to have a passion, you have to have a heart for helping people. It just doesn't work if you're just driven by, you know what the bottom line is, how much money you could potentially make.'cause sometimes that that's a big fat zero. And you still have to keep everything moving.'cause people are dependent on what you do, you know?

Sara D.: 5:13

Yeah. Um. Yeah, I, when I was younger, I used to tell people that my ideal business would be a nonprofit, like a one-stop shop, shelter, housing, mental health treatment, like a place for families, a place for single people, A place to just help people get job training and open businesses. And I realize, we don't live in that world. Maybe one day, maybe when I'm a little older, I'll do that.'cause I think this sounds so inspiring that, you found a way to do something so impactful and while it may not help, while it may, while many people may not go through the full process and see the full reward, like those people that you actually do help that see the brighter light or that brighterdaze, almost like to just take opportunity and run with it. gotta feel so empowering almost.

Xavier Ezra: 6:12

Yeah, definitely, definitely. I got this in story for days now. As long as we've been doing this of success stories and people that you see, you know, they, they come in and you kind of catch them at maybe the worst time for them of their life, you know, and to see them be able to, to be a part of it, you know, I never take credit for. They, they would probably say, well, it's because of you. And I was like, no, it's not because of me.'cause you gotta take advantage of the opportunity of somebody giving you a hand of somebody trying to help you out. You gotta see that, that opportunity, you know, and, and take advantage of it.'cause a lot of people get help and they don't take advantage of it. They take it for granted. Right. You know, and unfortunately they don't get what they should out of the situation, you know, but you know, to see them, you know, come in and in their worst moment and be able to, to come out on top, you know, and be live a completely different life than what you saw them in initially, to me, is really rewarding.

Sara D.: 7:14

So since you're in the nonprofit sphere, what motivates you? I guess. Okay. I don't wanna make any assumptions here. What motivates you on the days when someone just went off on you or their, the some, a payment for something wasn't supposed to come through? Pretty much. What motivates you on days when things are going all wrong? How do you keep encouraging yourself to continue on with your nonprofit?

Xavier Ezra: 7:41

Man balance. I mean, I, I try to, you know, in my personal life, I try to remind myself that, that I've been there, you know, so being compassionate and, and showing empathy and sympathy, you know, to their situation and what they're going through and, you know, and even though we don. You know, obviously if I was in the same situation they were, they wouldn't have a place to stay. Right. But I've been there, I've been in that situation where, you know, a, as a kid, I mean something you might not even be aware of. Right. As a kid, we had moments when we came from, when we first initially came from Puerto Rico to the states where we were homeless, we lived in emergency shelters. We didn't have a place to live. And I know for the parents that's a little bit more devastating than the kids. To us it was, it was. Sometimes even fun, Hey, we're sleeping in a tent. You know, we're sleeping in the car if we were fortunate to have a car at the time, you know, but, you know, I, I, I understand that, it, it doesn't take much to be in that situation. You know, it wasn't that my parents were, were notorious for making bad decisions. They were just in a situation where they were trying to figure themselves out of, and they both didn't. They were trying to find jobs, you know, whatever the situation was Back then, they were just trying to kind of figure it out. And they were young parents too, you know, so, you know, they were figuring things out, so understanding, that I've been in that situation before. So being compassionate and remembering that, that I'm fortunate, for even being in a situation that I can help them out. I, I have to remind myself of those things constantly. I come from a world where it wasn't. Always positivity. It was a lot of negative in, in my childhood, lot of negativity in my childhood. Right. Um, so that's something that I work on constantly. So when you told me the name of what you're doing and everything, I was like, yeah, I could appreciate that.'Cause it's definitely something that I know in this age of social media where everybody bases, how, how they gauge everybody else's happiness is based on small clips and snapshots of their life, which isn't, it's a fake world. It's unrealistic, to have that expectation that everything is, is great, and it's caused more depression, anxiety in people more than ever. Right. Because they're setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Unfortunately, you know, so it's good that you're talking about these things and you're kind of letting people know, hey, this is, this is the real world. This is the real story. This is what's going on. This is how you could work on this. You know, that's important. And for me, as a constant reminder, it's a decision that you have to make every day. Something somebody told me, and probably not at the best time of my life, right, was that happiness was a choice. You know, and I was like, it's not a choice of, I'm not not happy right now 'cause things are going, you know, and I was focused on the wrong thing. But having that shift and, finding those things that work for me individually, 'cause it doesn't work for everybody. I've, I've mentioned things that I do for myself to keep my head right to other people and they're like, eh, all right. That's not my, my cup of tea. And that's fine. You know, do whatever works for you. Do prayer, meditation. I, I've had different things that I've picked up throughout the years that work for me that are habits sometimes, like, um, I'm trying to think. There's just so many habits that I, you know, I know people say you, oh, the bracelet, look, I'm gonna show you something, but you can't see it. You don't have video on this. But I wear a, um, a set of beads, right? So I know in every religion I'm shown tell you the beads right now. So it's 108 beads in there. So that bracelet, I have it wrapped around my hand, but it's actually a necklace. So the story with that is I, I ran into a monk, right? We had a good conversation and he shared with me about mala beads, and I was like, all right, , you know, me, meditating for me is not always easy. My mind wanders. He said, well, that's the point, you know, to calm your mind, to be present, you know, to focus, to control your breath, you know? So he shared what? Techniques work for them, you know, within their religion. And I kept the beads that he gave me and I kind of always remember, looking at the beads and I was thinking, okay, well you know what, they use them like rosary beads have 108 beads. Mala beads have 108 beads. Um, I believe, um, you know, Muslims also use some form of beads for prayer. More sometimes to like kind of keep track of some. But what I did start doing with them was I started counting. The beads on them as, I need to come up with 108 things I'm grateful for no matter what I'm feeling right now. And I would go through those eight, 108 literally, you know, and I would go, Hey, I was able to wake up today. I'm able to, I was able to, you know, grab something to eat. I was able to get into my car. I was able, you know, and I would go through 108. And even in the times where I didn't wanna sit there and go through all the 108, just a reminder of having it there and looking at it and be like, okay, I got 108 things to be grateful for. Right? Was still a way for me to shift my mindset. And just remind myself, okay, yeah, this is bad what's going on right here. But I have other things going on. It's not just this circumstance or this situation, right? And focusing on that, just that one thing, kind of helps me, kind of myself and refocus and remind myself constantly daily, sometimes in every hour, you know, you have your days where it's just like, ah, you can't catch a break with things that happen. And you're like, okay, this. Frustrated, you know, at it. But, you know, having that reminder that definitely helps control, and that again, it goes by finding what works for you and, and following through with that so that you could, you know, not let people have that control over you, whether, getting you frustrated or making you angry. And there's nothing wrong with having those emotions, right? It is just bad if you stay in those emotions and you can't shake 'em off. You know what I mean?

Sara D.: 13:54

Yes, is so...beautiful

Xavier Ezra: 13:58

I know that was a lot. I just threw a lot at you right there.

Sara D.: 14:01

Yeah, you did. But I'm like, oh my gosh, 108 reasons of gratitude. Like every day, or do you do this every day? Or is this like just, you know,

Xavier Ezra: 14:09

No, you know what? It started off as every day and then it became just the reminder of, Hey, I, I, I have'em, I have 108 reasons to be happy, so I wear the reminder on, I just as a reminder.

Sara D.: 14:23

To sit down and go over 108 things that bring you gratitude or that you're grateful for. It's so impactful that if you did it in a day or if you did it in a few days and you wear it as a reminder, I see how that could have a great positive effect on you.

Xavier Ezra: 14:42

Yeah, absolutely.

Sara D.: 14:44

I am not sure if it's my age, if it's my mindset, if I've finally learned the tools or the the keys to happiness. But happiness is a choice for me right now as well, and I'm just realizing it. Like earlier this week I was all upset. Like one day I was working on something and I saw something that just really rubbed me the wrong way and didn't sit well with me. I felt myself going on a spiral. So I was like, okay, let me, let me follow my little tools that I like to do when I'm getting down. I was like, let me go for a walk. Went for a walk. I said, you know, who am I gonna call to talk to on this walk because I gotta talk this out. I was like, I'm not calling anybody. I'm gonna talk to myself. I'm gonna pray, and I don't know, I'm just gonna process this. So I'm sitting there talking to myself and ended up just realizing I'm not about to sit here in this cycle of depression that I've been in the past. I don't have to choose that. Like I can control what I can control and what I can't. I just have to let it go. And I don't know, it sounds. Like present me talking to past me, it sounds insane because I would be like, how do you just let things go? But it was like that much of a choice. Like I'm focused on these things and these things that I wanna do with my life, and I don't have time to be depressed or pulling my hair out over something that I don't have control over.

Xavier Ezra: 16:12

Same, same, same. I, I, I think it's with age, you start, understanding. All right, that's not that serious. I don't need to react to everything. Like, you're not gonna take me outta my character. You're not gonna ruin my day. You know, you start kinda shifting your mindset a little bit as you get older. But yeah, same think looking at, I would say the same thing, right? If I look back on myself at at, if my 19-year-old, 20-year-old self would look at me now and be like, okay, what's wrong with this guy? He's just way too calm and mellow like, and it's funny to see people that met you during that, 'cause it goes back to that mindset, right? They met you during that timeframe and they see you now like, oh, I know you short tempered. I'm like, nah, I'm actually pretty laid back. Like it takes a lot for me to get upset or frustrated or, so, yeah, but, but I could relate to that for sure. Absolutely.

Sara D.: 17:03

Hmm. So, okay. You're on a gratitude lifestyle. I won't call it a kick 'cause I respect where you're at in your life, but what current chapter of life do you feel like you're in right now?

Xavier Ezra: 17:17

I think we're, we're all called to, to evolve in some way. If you're not constantly shifting and, moving forward, then there's a problem.

Sara D.: 17:24

Mm-hmm.

Xavier Ezra: 17:25

so I, I'm, things are constantly changing, right now I'm, I'm grateful for where I'm at. I'm happy about, this new chapter. I was a little sad recently because I was like, oh, my son graduated and it was hard to see him. Leave the house. And I'm like, what are you like, where you buy? You gotta go pay rent somewhere. You can live right here. I got, and it was just like, you know, I had to understand, all right, he wants to be independent and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm embracing that part of my life right now as a parent, as an entrepreneur. I'm embracing more, non-profit work.'cause I, I started off with that, um, non-violence initiative. Saving all my bros and then I kind of shifted into helping the neighborhood in some way because somebody recommended me and now I'm working with an association. And now, you know, we'll see. We're, we're currently looking at another opportunity to working closely with the city, but more, um, as a community. Um, what is it? They call it a, a community planner.

Sara D.: 18:23

Oh, okay.

Xavier Ezra: 18:24

So, you know, I'm looking at those things and I'm, I'm embracing it, you know, we'll see what happens of, of course, I always have, you know, friends that call me like, we should start this kind of business. We'll see. You know, I'm not trying to spread myself thin and put myself in a situation where I'm making good amount of money, but I'm stressed out about it. That doesn't, I value more of my peace of mind, my mental health. That's more important to me. Money is something that comes and goes and it has ups, it has downs. And it's important that people don't make their happiness contingent on how that, 'cause it's like people that say, well I'm gonna be happy when, when I make this kind of money. And it is like, okay, well good luck with that. Those are numbers and numbers don't end. So you're down. An extremely long journey if that's what you're chasing, so I've learned to live in the moment and embrace each thing that that comes and changes in my life and see the beauty in it.

Sara D.: 19:23

Hmm.

Xavier Ezra: 19:28

See your thinking, your thinking.

Sara D.: 19:30

Yeah. Yeah. Um, you're embracing what's coming to you in life with being a new father with your businesses and your thinking strategically as well. Because money isn't worth your life, your quality of life.

Xavier Ezra: 19:49

Oh, it's not, it's absolutely not. You know, I, um, I mentioned the, the book thing, right? I wrote a book called The Art of Us. Bridging the gender divide. So it's more about creating balance, right, between relationships, but how it was relevant is one of the things that I mentioned was that, I spent a lot of time working as a first responder. Working on an ambulance and, yeah. You get, you get to deal with those crazy calls sometimes when you get stuck on the 9 1 1 system, but for the most part, you're, you're glorified taxi cab driver, so you're taking a lot of people to and from appointments. You find yourself having conversations with a lot of older people that are doing dialysis that you know are really thinking about their life and their choices and what they've done, what they could have done better. None of those people ever said I should have spent more time building wealth. None of those people ever told me I should have spent more time at the office. I should have spent more time, you know, if anything, the regrets were always I, I should have done what I love more. I should have spent more time with family and I always remember those conversations.'cause you could see the sincerity. In their faces, in their voices, and the way they had those regrets that they had to kind of live with, there was no way of changing them now that they were at the end of their life. I carry those moments with me and everything that I do, you know, always reminding myself, okay. Am I doing what I should be doing right now? You know, am I happy? Am I spending time with my family enough? Is that, is that the focus of what I'm doing? Am I gonna regret this? Putting this amount of energy into this five, 10 years from now? And that's become like kind of my, my little evaluator for everything that I kind of encountered at least. So, I embrace new things, but I'm still, yeah, I'm still kinda evaluating on the background, like, is it worth, but you know, it's a different driver now. It's all it is.

Sara D.: 21:42

How did you get to this point in life to where you just, you learned to look at life this way or even just make decisions the way you make decisions?

Xavier Ezra: 21:53

You embrace hardship and I know that sounds crazy, but embrace it. You learn your biggest lessons in Failure. You learn your biggest lessons in heartache. Embrace those moments, and see what it is that you need to learn. I know people have their way of coping with those moments and saying, well, it's the devil. And they find all kinds of things to blame it on. But reality is just life. Things are gonna happen. Nothing is perfect. Challenges are gonna happen. There's gonna be loss, loss of income, loss of people, and understanding that I think is key, you know, to just understanding what is it that you need to learn from that moment so that you can do life a little bit better, have a better quality of life. So that's been my motive. That's, that's what motivates me at least, to kind of think of, okay, well how can I have a better quality of life? I'll be honest, something you probably don't even know. So let me share this with you, right? Let, let me give you this, this background. So you, you, you probably know part of this story, right? When I met you and your mother. Right. I was in the middle of, I think at that point we're now, me and my wife we're now been married for 25 years.

Sara D.: 23:12

Yay.

Xavier Ezra: 23:12

Yes. 25 years now in June, so 25 years. So at that point, I think it was like, uh, I don't even know how we, 13 years of marriage at that point, and we were going through a separation.

Sara D.: 23:27

Oh wow.

Xavier Ezra: 23:28

Yeah, we were in the middle of a separation and we had decided initially, well, we'll work on it. And we'll live under the same roof. And that ended up not working out well back then. So we ended up, splitting up completely where she was staying in, our old apartment. And I moved out, I moved in with my sister. And in that time I had to tell you it felt like if there was ever a, a gut punch, right? Because it was just like, all right, everything I, I built and work for, in terms of my family, and my stability place to live. Everything was just up in the air, for, I think for the first time in my life, as an adult, you know. And I found myself, in a weird situation where my kids are my world, right? And I always, there was never a moment where I thought, oh, well, I'm just not gonna see them this weekend. It was like, no, I need to figure this out. My kids need to spend time with me as much as I could spend time with them, I'm gonna do that. And where I was staying. I had at that point, I had no job. I was doing freelance work, which was off and on at the time, doing like graphic design and, at that point I was like, the person, my, my brother-in-law actually, I. He was a little frustrated. He said, well, you're bringing your kids over. They're here, they're eating, you know, and you really don't have any money to kind of contribute, and I was like, okay, so how can I fix that situation to kind of keep him happy and keep my kids every weekend while I figure out, my life basically at that point, you know, just everything that was going on. And I think it was a social media flyer that your mom posted. That led me to basically you guys' ministry to pick up food out of pure necessity.'cause it wasn't, I would love to say no. It was just, I, I needed, no, it was pure need at the time. And I remember after like, I was so embarrassed after like a couple of visits and I was like, okay, well I can't, I can't pay these people back, but I could contribute. What I do know how to do, you know, and it was just marketing graphic design. And I remember having a conversation, I think it was with you at the time, and I gave you a business card and told, tell your mom whatever you guys need, just let me know. And that turned into a beautiful relationship where, I'm, I'm grateful and I owe that part of my life recovering and that part of my life a lot to you guys' ministry and what you guys did. And, you know, eventually I ended up. You know, collaborating, working with you guys, doing that with you guys every week, giving out food, you know, and we, we moved on from that face of our life, but, it was definitely a bad moment. It was one of the biggest lows, you know, and I remember, I'll share this, I remember. I had a conversation with a friend of mine who, who had a bus. He was a business owner, and I was kind of telling him like, okay, man, I, I like, I'm, I'm, I don't even know how to get out of this pit or this hole. I don't even know what to call it. You know what I mean? It is just a whole new low for me, that I'm trying to kind of figure out and sort out. He was like, well start with, with, you know. Do an evaluation of yourself, and do an evaluation of all your assets. And I'm thinking, well, it's easy for you to say you're sitting here in a 15,000 square foot home. You know, driving around, driving around, you know, two, three nice cars at a time. I'm like, you at like, okay, yeah, I'm just going to...what assets. You know what I mean? What are you talking about? There are no assets like. There's nothing to assess my brother. We are here. Like there is nothing, you know, he was like, no. And he sat me down and, and he was like, okay, for, let's start with this. Right? The fact that you, you're here. In the states in a place where you know how to kind of navigate the system, that that's a plus.'cause we have immigrants that come over here, don't know the language and they, they struggle through that and they triumph. They go, they come out on top, they open up a business, they start and they don't know and they don't have the resources. Right. So that's the start. The fact that you're able to do it and you have your health, that's another one. Those are two of the biggest things that money can't buy you no matter what. The fact that you have the intellect, the fact that you have your health, the fact that you still have kids that, that love you, so it kind of put me in a, in a shift where I had to kind of reevaluate things. I was like, you know what? Yeah, I do have, and that kind of started that whole trend of reevaluating what I got to be grateful for. And it does take you out of a funk, right? Because when you are having that moment where you're feeling like, hmm. There's nothing to be grateful for right now. This is messed up and that then this didn't get paid and this is happening. And you know, you, you start kind of going down that spiral and you start thinking, oh wait, you know what? Hold on, let, let me pause for a second. I do got a lot to be grateful for. I've been in worse situation or similar situations. Or even if you haven't been in that situation before, you know that everything is temporary. It can't possibly last, it'll last if you stay in that state and you don't do anything to change your mindset.'cause it really starts with that, right? And once you accept that, okay, well you know what, this is temporary. You start trying to pick out those patterns of opportunity everywhere and moving in that direction of creating change. Does that make sense?

Sara D.: 28:52

Yeah, it does. It really does. I heard you say that it made me think like the nature of life has changed., No one wants to really sit in a swamp. We all prefer to go to the beach or a river or something you have to keep moving and changing and adjusting and trying even when things don't seem like it's working because something is happening. Like, did you, um, did you see a flyer on Craigslist?

Xavier Ezra: 29:20

I believe so. I think that is where she found it.

Sara D.: 29:23

Yeah, because I was posting on there all the time. It's just so funny how like stuff just comes together like that.

Xavier Ezra: 29:27

Yeah. Yes. I think it was Craigslist.

Sara D.: 29:31

The smallest thing can change and you don't even know. What'd you say?

Xavier Ezra: 29:33

I see. I think it was Craigslist. I think that's where my sister found it.

Sara D.: 29:36

Yeah the smallest thing. You just never know. Man, I'm so glad that like, wow, like this is such a beautiful story and you've had so many, so many hardships and you've overcome them and. I don;t know...and I think it hits different because I actually know you. So I'm like, wow, like you came from this, to this, to this, to this. Like, wow, that's, it's beautiful and it is just a constant reminder that things in life can change.

Xavier Ezra: 30:08

Yeah, they will. Absolutely they can and they will, if you're open to change, right. And I tell my guys in my program all the time, 'cause you always come across these people that are like, nothing good ever happens to me. Everything bad. And this is bad. And that's bad. And it is like, wow. Yeah man, with that attitude right. Like, you have to, you have to shift your mindset, you know? And I tell them all the time that's all, I preach within my organization, I tell the people like, you gotta change your mindset. Let's start with changing. And I got it to a point where I would have guys, I have one particular guy, all right, I won't, I won't give his name out. I worked closely with him to the point where I even took him on as like one of my, my, he was like my right hand, right? He helped me out in the organization. He was there. He lived at my properties, kind of like managing them and, taking care of them and helping me with intake processes, so he became an essential part of my organization, but he was an individual that there was nothing positive ever happened. Everything was negative everyth. And it became so bad that I, it would like, I don't know if you ever heard the term, like where they say, well this person was like a, a, like a vampire energy vampire. Like he just, like, you had to, I had to live in my interactions with him 'cause it was just so negative. So, so much of it, you know, and then I was like, okay, hold on. I'm in control of my world. Right? So it was like. Every time he would call me, he'd be like, I gotta talk to you about this. And I already knew where it was going 'cause I could hear his tone. I'm like, hold on, hold on, hold up. I need you to take a deep breath. Right? Take a deep breath that pushes some oxygen back into your brain to kind of calm those levels down a little bit. Let's calm down. Now I need you to tell me three things that you're, you're grateful for. And after you do that, we could start having a conversation. It became where he would, he would automatically after, obviously after like a year of me doing that to him, on every phone call he would call me up. He'd be, you could hear him. All right. I'm grateful because I was able to come with his list. He would tell me his list and then still kind of vent on his frustration. But it was, it shifted the energy of those conversations, but I, I, I tell them, not just here, but I tell everybody in the organization like, you gotta be willing to embrace that change. You're right. It is a choice. You. It's a choice that you have to make. For some people it's daily. For some people it might be hourly, right? Some people might just have to have that reminder once a week and say, Hey, you know what I, I, today's my gratitude day, I'm gonna just spend some time by myself. I'm gonna pray. I'm gonna meditate. I'm gonna sit down and just remind myself I, I, I need to. Recalibrate, right. Remind myself, I got a lot to be grateful for so that I could focus on other positive and, and recognize those opportunities as opposed to everything that's going wrong right now. You know?

Sara D.: 32:57

Yeah. Yeah. I hear you as this. I don't know. Gratitude, life coach guru.

Xavier Ezra: 33:07

No.

Sara D.: 33:08

When someone, so when someone asks who you are, what do you actually hope they see?

Xavier Ezra: 33:15

I dunno, I don't have an answer for that. This is somebody like them, somebody like them. I've, I've just gone through it, but I've come out on the other side of it, that's the only thing I could hope that, that somebody sees. And I know it's hard. I know we play a role, you know, I've learned we play a role in everybody's life. That's different for, for some people. I've been. A blessing for some people. I was the guy that helped them get out of a situation they saw that was impossible for some people. I even the villain in their story, I've learned to accept that, you know, and I seen that shift. I've had guys that come into the program, of course, at the beginning they're like, well, I really am gonna do this, and I need help and I need, and you, you're helping me out. I appreciate it so much. And then they get comfortable and it becomes, you know. Whatever, or, or they relapse and it becomes, now, now you're, you're basically that thing that's preventing them from getting high or that thing that's preventing them from doing whatever they want to do, so all of a sudden you're not, you're not the guy that they saw as, Hey, that, that's a guy that helped me out. Now it's, you know, well, that's Xavier. He's, he's a dick. Oh. Can we say that on here?

Sara D.: 34:23

I mean, I haven't been cursing. I don't curse typically, but

Xavier Ezra: 34:26

Okay. My bad. I don't either.

Sara D.: 34:28

it's okay. It's okay.. No F bombs.

Xavier Ezra: 34:32

No, no, no, no, no. All right. No.

Sara D.: 34:34

That's an interesting concept 'cause you don't usually think about when people go through programs to get help about how they begin to resent the people that are trying to help them because they're, they've gotten comfortable and their kind of priorities have shifted,

Xavier Ezra: 34:50

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It is just that their, yeah, their mind shift, their, their mind has shifted, so all of a sudden you become something completely different in their, in their eyes and their story, but on my end, it doesn't change what I do. I've learned not to, and don't get me wrong, I've had days where I'm like, what am I doing? Like, why am I, you know, like why am I even trying, like I've tried to help this individual out and this is what he went back to, he's back to using, so I've learned not to take it personal, those are their, their demons that they're fighting. All I could do is help the people that are willing to help themselves. I try to be that, just somebody that can help them out, and, and if they're able to see that for what it is, and they'll take advantage of it. And if not, then, hopefully they'll learn it somewhere down, down the road. Right. But I've learned that that's, and it's not even an age thing I've had, younger kids that are probably more mature than some of my 50 or 60 year olds that fight over missing hot dogs and stolen M&Ms and whatever they call me about.

Sara D.: 35:59

Wow. I think I'm just, think I'm just so stuck in how,

Xavier Ezra: 36:07

Talk to me. Talk to me, Sara.

Sara D.: 36:10

I don't know. I don't know. Like, I'm just like, man, like it, it, I think the thing that gets me is there's so much going on in life and with you being, I don't wanna say a caretaker, but like a social support to people. How do you balance, like care for yourself along with care for them.

Xavier Ezra: 36:35

And that's the Yeah, well that's one i I struggle with.'cause you, you forget sometimes, you create those, those balances on how to be happy. But self-care is something that, I, my advice to everyone would be like, have a pres just as present as, you know, not getting carried away in those moments, you know? That's something that I struggle with creating balance, self-care. I always think of it like, I operate best maybe 'cause of the way I grew up under chaos. So the more chaotic a situation is, the more I tend to think straight. And I know that sounds crazy, but it's, it's probably 'cause I am crazy. Right. You, you learn to, I don't know, it just embrace those moments of, of chaos. Like I've worked best in those moments when there's a lot going on. And the more, the more chaotic or maybe the more you know, how, how do I say, the more difficult the situation, the more likely I am to kind of push back because I see it as a challenge. And I was like, all right, I'm, I'm definitely gonna overcome this thing. So it becomes like a mental game, I guess. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I'm not gonna let this beat. You ain't gonna beat me. I got you.

Sara D.: 37:49

That's funny. If

Xavier Ezra: 37:51

Yeah.

Sara D.: 37:51

are calm, you're like, what's the problem? Something's off.

Xavier Ezra: 37:54

Yeah, yeah. It sounds calm. I'm like, all right. What, what's, what's going on? It's, but it is been too quiet for way too long. Kinda like when you have kids and you hear that moment because you used to hearing them, making all that noise and throwing stuff and playing and laughing and talking. And when you hear them like quiet down as a parent, that's when you're like, wait, they've been quiet for way too long. What's going on? And you gotta get up and run over there.

Sara D.: 38:18

Right, right man. Okay. All righty. So we're coming to the end. We're wrapping it up. We're wrapping it up. We're not gonna go too long, guys. Okay. But, I do wanna ask you, what does a brighter day look like for you now?

Xavier Ezra: 38:38

A. A brighter day I. Man, I'm, I'm living it. I, I, right now, I'm, I can't say it will look better than what it looks like right now. I'm, I'm grateful, you know, I'm, I'm grateful, I'm blessed. I'm at a good stage in my life. I'm enjoying this new chapter, to make it even even brighter. I know I would say, well, maybe if I'm back in, in, you know, Puerto Rico on a beach somewhere doing nothing, but that sounds good in theory. I'll probably be miserable doing something like that for more than a week. I.

Sara D.: 39:14

Okay. Okay, what do you want listeners to take with them after listening to this episode?

Xavier Ezra: 39:21

Man create balance. Find out what works for you. It's not what works for everybody. What might necessarily work for me, this might not really vibe with somebody else. Control your energy around you. Control your, your world. You, you're the creator of your own world, you know? Yeah. I embrace God having a plan for me, with me. But I think sometimes we lose focus of that in, in religion. You know, I don't wanna say Christianity, I don't wanna say religion, right? That, that religious mindset, sometimes of, well, if I just follow this and then God will do, no, it takes action. Faith, without works, it's, it's dead, right? There's nothing there, right? So, move, get things done, embrace things, go out there and make things happen.

Sara D.: 40:14

I feel encouraged. I really do. Those are key points to give to people. To not allow your life to be dictated by the actions of others, by not allow,'cause sometimes what looks right to you looks totally wrong to someone else. And if you would've just stuck true to yourself instead of modifying to fit what someone else thought you should be doing. Then you would've had better success on what your idea was. And next thing you know, you look up and somebody else is doing what you thought you were supposed to do, but you changed it because of what other people who weren't doing what you were doing even still had to say.

Xavier Ezra: 40:54

Sure, for sure. Absolutely. That that goes without saying. Absolutely. Yeah. People just need to have that reminder to have your, have your checklist.'cause you're not always in the right state of mind. You're affected by things around you and your emotions. I found the best practice is to write things down. And I know that's a little old school. Nobody writes anything down. Everybody types it on their phone now. But whatever you gotta do, set a, set a memo, write it down, whatever helps you, but you're in control of your world. Take control of it. If you don't do it, nobody else is gonna do it for you. You're just in for the ride. And that could be a bumpy one if it's contingent on everybody else's happiness or how everybody else feels or everybody else's goals. And you're in for a bumpy ride if that's the rollercoaster you want to get on.

Sara D.: 41:43

I like that. I like that. I think that's a really solid point to end that I wanna say thank you so much for reconnecting with me and for just giving me the opportunity to. Share you with people and to talk to you and allow you to share yourself with everyone. And I just appreciate your wisdom and insight in this conversation.

Xavier Ezra: 42:02

Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Sara D.: 42:05

And I do want to ask, is there anything that you want to promote? I know you got a lot of businesses, so I don't know how you wanna run it down.

Xavier Ezra: 42:12

Oh, there's too many things to mention right now, so I won't, I won't turn this into a a, a, what is that ad popup.

Sara D.: 42:20

A promo?

Xavier Ezra: 42:21

You know, turn it into a long Promo, but no, yeah, the, the book is the only thing I would, I would really promote. So the Art of Us Bridging the Gender Divide by Xavier Ezra Borrero, and it's on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Sara D.: 42:36

Okay. What's the book about?

Xavier Ezra: 42:38

So synergy, creating balance with, with relationships. So there's some pretty. I, I don't wanna say unorthodox, but yeah, there's some, there's some crazy points in there, but I tie them back to, you know, everything in the world works in synergy and it's important to not only recognize those patterns, but understand how to use them, recognize them, and I think you'll be better off your relationships. You're better off if you're paying attention to them and you're aware. That those balances are there. Everything works in synergy. You're talking about nature. You're talking about God. God is synergy. You know it. There's three elements working as one. That's synergy at its fullest, right? And a relationship is the same way. You're, you're working as one unit and understanding that balance and what that unique balance means for that relationship.'cause it's not one relationship, it's not one balance for every relationship should work the same. No, it works different. You know that there people that, that need more, require less, you know, in a relationship and finding out what that balance is that you need to create with your relationship will, you know, definitely help you out long term.

Sara D.: 43:51

It sounds like an interesting read, especially knowing you've been married for like 25 years and knowing what you've gone through to get to this point. I would think there's some good tidbits in there. Some, some good information, some good knowledge to help people with learning that balance between the gender divide.

Xavier Ezra: 44:08

Absolutely, definitely it's full of stories, I try to keep it balanced with everything that I wrote, so. It's my perspective how I arrived at those perspectives, you know? and at the end, the reader's welcome to explore again, what works for them. Even if you don't agree with what I had to say or what I said, that's fine. We don't have to agree and hold hands and skip around, right? It's all good. But find out what works for you. The point is to start that conversation of what works within relationships.

Sara D.: 44:42

Alrighty. Well this has been a wonderful conversation with Xavier Ezra Borrero. I hope you guys check out his book and tell him what you think about it, and if you are looking to get in contact with him, his book information will be in the description of the episode as well as if you're looking to talk to me, I have an email ask number four BrighterDaze. That's daze@gmail.com. I have Instagram. I have a Facebook, I have a TikTok. Instagram and TikTok are BrighterDaze podcast, and the Facebook is BrighterDaze with Sara. Let me know what you thought about the episode and write me, let me know what you're grateful for. Tell me. you do on your hard days when things aren't working out the way that you think they should work out, how do you encourage yourself? How do you push forward? yeah, so I'll be around and I hope that you are too. Later.