Ep. 9: James “The Faithful Light” Haley | Identity, Obedience & Finding Yourself Beyond Titles

✨ In this episode of BrighterDaze with Sara, Sara sits down with her cousin James Haley for a heartfelt conversation about faith, obedience, identity, and finding yourself again after life changes in ways you never expected.

James opens up about walking through a season of obedience with his wife after leaving their church to help plant a new one — trusting God without having the full plan and watching doors open along the way.

He also shares one of the hardest seasons of his life: going through divorce and a layoff at the same time, and the identity crisis that followed:

“Who am I now?”

Through prayer, therapy, community, and three intentional years of being single, James began rebuilding from the inside out. He shares how he learned that his worth was never tied to a job title, a relationship status, or any role he carried — because before the titles, before the losses, and before the rebuilding, James was still James.

Sara and James also talk about gratitude, fatherhood, marriage, community work in Milwaukee, and what serving others taught him about homelessness, compassion, and seeing people beyond their circumstances.

This episode is a reminder that even when life strips away the roles you thought defined you, you are still here, still loved, and still have purpose.

Content Note: This episode includes conversations about divorce, job loss, identity struggles, homelessness, and difficult life transitions.

 Follow BrighterDaze with Sara on Facebook, Instagram & TikTok @BrighterDazePodcast, or email ask4brighterdaze@gmail.com to share your own brighter days. 

Transcript

Sara Dorris: 0:13

Welcome to BrighterDaze with Sara. This is a space where we get lost in gratitude instead of drowning in despair. I'm your host, Sara Dorris, and here we talk to people. We celebrate the victories, and we talk about resilience, gratitude, and daily life motivators. And today, y'all, my guest is someone who is very near and dear to my heart. He is a cousin on my dad's side. And yeah, he's just like one of the most cheery, bright-eyed… Not bright-eyed. Bright-eyed? I don't know. Is that a compliment? He's, like, a great overall guy, like, the most positive dude I've ever met in my life, and just very kind and just compassionate and just all the great things that you can imagine. It is my cousin, James Haley. So welcome, James.

James Haley: 0:55

What's up? How's it going?

Sara Dorris: 0:58

I am doing great. I feel like, so funny enough, we woke up this morning, and somehow last night we got a lizard in the bedroom. So we woke up- Oh, my … and there was, like, a, a lizard on the wall. So it was, like, a whole process of getting that out. So, like, I feel like I woke up, like- Was there any screaming?… a dream about a s- yes, there was. But I woke up with, like, a dream about a snake, and then I wake up to see a lizard. And I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, all this terrifying stuff." But, like, I'm on a high right now. But how-

James Haley: 1:26

What a way to start the morning.

Sara Dorris: 1:28

Right, right. What a way to start the morning.

James Haley: 1:31

Yes. Mine's not as ventures- as, as adventurous as yours is. Um, my family has a rummage sale this morning. The whole, like, uh, community has a rummage sale going on. So my family's all outside selling goods, so hopefully they're making lots of money as we're having this podcast today.

Sara Dorris: 1:46

That's so funny. I've never heard anybody call a garage sale a rummage sale.

James Haley: 1:52

It's a Midwestern thing, for sure. Oh. Like, calling it a rummage sale. Like, I've al- I've always, like, grew up calling it, like, a yard sale, a garage sale, something like that. But then once I got up to Wisconsin area, that's when all, all of a sudden, like, I started hearing rummage. I'm like, "Okay. I guess that works."

Sara Dorris: 2:07

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna look up rummage. I don't even know what that is, but okay. But, um, okay. So yeah, so things are going well, and that is good. So let's just, let's dive right into it. So what would you feel like is one word that describes this season of your life?

James Haley: 2:31

I would say obedience. Um, I, I would say obedience, like, really describes this season of my life.

Sara Dorris: 2:40

Can you tell me more?

James Haley: 2:41

Yeah. Like, I, uh, as I think about that word, I know that over the last, I'm gonna say last two years, I would say my wife and I have been kind of in, uh, a season where we're really trying to dive deep and understand what God wants from us. And as we are doing that, like, we made a shift to, um, uh, leave the church that we were at. Um, and from there we actually have joined, uh, joined hands to actually, like, do an, um, help another church plant in the city. But as we're doing that, like, God's, uh, really showing us how it's okay to make a move when He asks us to make a move, and that's the, the best time. Because when we move all the times we don't always have the master plan from the standpoint of like, what's gonna happen next. Um, so even when we did that, like we, we didn't know what we were going to do next. We just knew God was telling us it was time to move and we need to transition. But when we did that, like, doors started opening for us from the standpoint of partnering us with, other pastors, other leaders, other, members of the body of Christ that really come around us, with our family to really help us as we go through other challenges in life. And, uh, it's one of those things where, I'm like,"Okay, God," like I see it, over and over again as these years have gone on, as we've made that transition. And it's crazy, I think we're like two years, a little bit over two years into it, and like, I still continue to see that, um, we are in that stage of really being obedient to what God has called us to do. And as a man, like as a husband, as a father, I think for us, like it's, um, for us, we feel like we need to have that plan, right? We, we, we gotta provide for our family, we gotta make that money. We, um, we have to have answers like when there's problems. And sometimes with God, like the answer even for believers, is really going to God and praying and trusting in Him because we don't always have the answers. We're still human at the end of the day. But as fathers and husbands, like, we have kind of that sense of, "Okay, what, what do we do next? What do we need to do, like, right now?" And sometimes we get caught up in that and it's hard for us to kinda look beyond that.

Sara Dorris: 4:52

I mean, I can't speak to the experience of a man, but I can imagine that it's it's a hard thing to, to have to carry all the time, to always be that one that people look to for things. But it sounds like you've got a good partnership with your wife to where you both can kinda carry that in some kinda way.

James Haley: 5:09

Very true. And even as I think about the word like obedience, I think about, um, of course, like what that word comes with is fear. So all of us, whether it's me, you, family members, friends, we all fear something. And even if it's a choice that we have to make, um, whether or not we're gonna, uh, how are we gonna pay like a crazy emergency expense that just came up. Um, and, uh, it, it happens often, but we can't allow that to slow us down from where God wants us to go. I think about in Exodus, uh, right, we have the story of how, God called Moses to go to Pharaoh to say, "I want you to let my people go." I, I know, um, many people may have heard of that story from that standpoint of going back and forth to Pharaoh to say, "Let my people go." But early on in Exodus, like we see that, Moses really was doubting himself when God said that he wanted him to go do these things. And he didn't necessarily think that he was the right person for the job either. He even had a, a speech problem as well too, so he was like,"I… Like, is there somebody else that you can choose?" Um, but God continued to, to show him and tell him that he wanted him to go, but he also sent him help along the way. Like, he sent him Aaron to go alongside with him, um, to help communicate those things to Pharaoh. Moses even carried around a staff with him, and God showed him how he can perform miracles with that staff, right? He threw the staff down, it turned into a snake. And then he was able to pick this, uh, pick the snake up by the tail and it turned right back into a staff again. And it's really showing that even, even with obedience becomes fear, but then as we continue to, trust in God, right, that, that fear like starts to, hopefully starts to diminish because we put all of our trust in God along the way.

Sara Dorris: 7:00

Yeah. Um Obedience to the Lord I think it is, uh, it's just like what you're saying. It's pretty much like the Lord tells you to do something and you can have those questions about, "Oh, me? You want me to do what?" Or,"What about this and this and this?" And I think the thing with it is that the more you do it, the more faith you have that your way will be provided. Everything will be cleared out for you to, to make that way for you to do what you need to do.

James Haley: 7:41

Yeah, I definitely agree on that. And it's, uh, um, I, uh, years have gone by, right? Like as, as believers, like we understand like even in childhood, like there's, um, me and you both have, have stories of, of being up in church as we start our younger age and so we learn things along the way. But, um, still when challenges come, like as, as our human fleshly nature, like fear comes and creeps in. Even from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, sometimes fear can take over. And as we learn to dive into His Word, like as we learn to understand who God is more and more as it's, it's crazy that you would think that we would have a full clarity of who God is like by the time like we're, I'm adult. But at the end of the day, we're still learning. And even though God's the same God, but we're just understanding more and more about Him. And so as we do that, like we can knock down like fear kick it in the butt and really help us to kind of move forward. I talked about how I'm in Wisconsin. That was a huge step for me, like moving from Florida to Wisconsin. I didn't have all the answers. I didn't understand like how I was going to make everything work along the way, but God made it happen. I didn't think I would still be here like 15, 16 years later, but God had other plans. And so it's one of those things where like even though you walk into fear, like we, we don't have to fear because we have God with us. And so that, that's what brings me some of the joy. I know you started out the, the podcast too from the standpoint of like I'm, I'm cheery and, and I have joy because at the end of the day, I can either sit and dwell in it or I can continue to move forward and like just let God be God.

Sara Dorris: 9:25

Thinking about how you said like, it's crazy or it sounds interesting how, even as an adult sometimes you feel like you don't, like you're still learning the Lord. And I think about it from the perspective of even when you meet people, like, like your parents, like, we all… Like, we know our parents, but we don't know every version of our parents that other people know. So I feel like, like, loving the Lord and having a relationship with God is, like, it's, it's like there's so much of him that there's no way we'll all just be like,"Oh," like, "This, this, this, this." 'Cause we don't know. His mind is not like our mind. We can't comprehend everything that he does, thinks, whatever. So, like, it's a forever learning situation or, and relationship

James Haley: 10:14

That is so true. Like, I think about my wife. So we've been married for, oh my goodness four, four, four years, just over four years now. And I think about how, like, I have to l- uh, love her different. Like, I don't love her the same way that I loved her when I or I would say how I show love to her, like, can be different because how, who she was for years ago, she's a different person now four years after. And so from the same point, I still love her, but showing her a love in a different way may be necessary as we grow, from where we were before. So when we got married we just had one child. Now we have three children, right? And so, like, uh, the way that we interact, the way that we love each other, the way that we have our relationship looks a little different, like, as we continue to grow because I'm learning different things about her in every stage of life. So that's so true. And you think about, like, our parents, right? Like, we weren't around when they were, like, younger, um, in the younger days, so we, we don't know. Like, I, um, I, I hear stories about my dad, about how he found my mom dancing at a party or something like that, but I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't know, um, my, my parents at that time. So it's, it's, uh, continual learning 'cause I'm still learning things now. Like, couple, couple weeks ago, learned something else about my dad and my mom, so it's, it's definitely interesting from that standpoint.

Sara Dorris: 11:35

Yeah, for sure. Speaking of learning, and we're talking about life, we're talking about obedience, and I don't wanna put a specific lens on it, but what is something that life taught you that you didn't learn the easy way?

James Haley: 11:52

Um I would say my identity. Like, I, I think that's a big thing. I guess for the longest time, like I've been in a particular like role. Like when I first started my career, like I had a particular title. And then at the time, like I was married too. So I had the title of husband, had a title of I think it was like an IT project manager or something like that. So I had those identities. But then there's years that passed passed on, and I end up going through a transition where they were eliminating positions and they were laying off people. So then I had that, what was happening in my life. At the same time, I was going through a divorce, and so I was going through a divorce. I was going through being laid off at the same time. And then for me, like in- internally, I'm

like: 12:41

Okay, who am I now? So I was, I was caught in like identity crisis from the standpoint.

I'm like: 12:47

Okay, so I'm no longer this role 'cause now like I've been laid off. Now I'm no longer a husband because now I'm no longer married. So then, uh, what, what, what can I do? Like, have I failed in life? What is, what is like my next direction? And really kind of sitting in that, in that feeling, and it took me a little while to realize why I was feeling the way I was feeling. And thankfully, I had pastors around me, I had friends around me to really help me kind of go through all of this, because all I was feeling was just, all these different emotions at the same time. And after going through it, I'm like: Okay. So I had to realize that my identity is outside of all those titles that I had. My identity is outside of my career. Like James is still James, outside of my career. My identity is like outside of the marriage as well too. James is still James even though I'm not considered a husband anymore And as I continued to go, kinda go through that path, the leaders around me helped me remember, bring remembrance to me, like even the word of how God created me to be the unique person that I am. God molded me with his hands and, made me the way that I am right now as James, even before I started adding on these additional titles. So as I went through that process, that helped me out so much because beyond my career, beyond my duties as a husband then, like James was still James, and that there was still a plan and there was still a purpose for the life that I need to live. After I got through that point it took some time to get through that point. Even during that period, like I was I was actually single. I intentionally was single. I wasn't dating because I was like, "I gotta figure this whole thing out because I need to make sure that I'm right before I jump into anything else." And so, um, so in those… It was crazy because I actually went, like, three years without actually, like, dating anybody because of that. But in that three years it was a discovery for myself and discovering, like, what God wanted out of me and what he wanted me to do. And, um, it was, it was a really great learning, but I feel like that helped propel me because as you go in life and you come across obstacles and you see how God kind of helped you through certain things, like even when bigger things show up, you're like,"Well, God helped me over here. Like, then I, I can definitely get through some of these other things that are coming up in front of me." And now kind of fast-forward along the way, like after those three years, I ended up finding my wife. Well, I, I started dating her at the time and after a few years, we ended up getting married. So now I'm married, have three children and challenges still come and they will never go away but I definitely have learned new ways to kind of tackle those challenges that come.

Sara Dorris: 15:30

So I hear you talking about identity and feeling like it was something that you had to learn, and let me know if this is not something that you can really speak on or like really give, uh, I don't know, further explain, but how do you, how did you manage that? Like, what were the, what did it look like trying to really cement down your identity as an individual after losing those roles?

James Haley: 15:58

What that looked like. It at the beginning, it was me trying to seclude myself from the standpoint of not actually talking to people. So as I seclude myself, I really I didn't int- I, I feel like I didn't intentionally push people away, but for me I'm a loner as it is. I'm okay with going to restaurants by myself and things like that. But I found myself, just going to the water 'cause going by the lake, that was, like, really calming for me. So just spending time just out there with nothing. No sound around me, just staring out at the water. And then from there and after some time of being alone, it was at-- I think it was actually one of the pastors that I had at the time pulled me aside and just was like, "How-- So how are you doing?" He was like,"A lot has gone on." And I was like, "Uh, just how are you doing?" And he was like, "For real," like, "I wanna know." And at that point I was like,"All right, well, I might as well just let it all out." And so I let it all out and started talking about it. And as I started talking about the feelings that I had, I realized that it was, that I had been holding in so much, and I wasn't letting it out. And as I realized that, just from that one conversation that I had with that pastor, I was like, "Okay, I need to figure out how to do this more often." So that's why I ended up getting a therapist. So I went to a divorce therapist that helps people that are , of course, that are going through a divorce and have gone through it. And so started seeing a therapist for a little bit. And doing that it helped me open up some more, talk about different things, and it was a Christian therapist as well too. So we prayed um, as a part of that as well too. And as, as I was going through that journey, of course my pastors was giving different scriptures along the way. Other friends around me was, helping encourage me as along the way, along the way. And with that too, of course, I was praying on my own and found myself even like, in just dark rooms, like, just in my some people call it, like, a prayer closet, but just it was a random room that I had at my house that was empty. And I just utilizing it to just pray, and I would pray for a long time. But I would get it all out, whether it was crying and yelling and screaming, but just getting, getting it all out. And after a while I finally got through it all and really started to understand, my identity and who I was. But it was definitely a process of getting to where I am now.

Sara Dorris: 18:12

Yeah. I think so many conversations I have are people learning how to become who they are,'cause I guess life is a steady evolution of you as a person. But, um, yeah.

James Haley: 18:24

One more, I guess one more thing to add to that too- Yeah … is, like, I-- It's funny that we talk about this now, 'cause I totally forgot. Well, you know how you go through things and you forget along the way of, like, what, what actually happened. And- Mm-hmm … um, when I first started knowing my wife, it was it was just a group of people, a group of friends that we were just after church on Thursday nights we would just go out, hang out and go out to eat or something like that afterwards. And somehow, every so often we'll start coming back to my house and just order pizza and watch a movie or something, all of us, together. And so I think one of the days, I think might have been the first time, the group came to my house, I was showing people around my house, and it was my upstairs area. At the time it was empty. Nothing was in it. It was just an extra room that I had. It was like a built-out attic that was a bedroom. And when when my wife now, like, when she walked up there, she kinda looked around, but she was like, she was like,"Do you pray up here?" And I was like, "Yeah, like, I do." She was like, "I could tell. I could tell that you do a lot of praying in this room." And that was the, that was the first thing that she said about the room. And now it kinda clicked into my head too, that that actually, I did a lot of crying out to God in that room. And at the time, this was like three years later after I had already gone through all of that. But that's when she walks in the room and could, uh, still feel she's considered a feeler. She can still feel the prayers that I had within that one room, which is really powerful and crazy.

Sara Dorris: 19:51

My gosh, that's- … that's intense. I can't imagine. And then to know that you all got married, and, like, that's your person. Like, just the fact that she could walk into the room and sense the energy of the room and know, like, this is, there's something here. Mm-hmm. Is like,

James Haley: 20:08

oof. And at the time, I didn't know she was gonna be my wife. We weren't even dating. Yeah. We were all just friends. I was just all the friends were just over at the house, just showing them around, but that's the first thing she said. And, it just came to remembrance now. I'm like, man, like, how, what can happen, over years of what God can really do is crazy.

Sara Dorris: 20:26

Yeah. I- it is. It definitely is.'Cause sometimes I look at my life and I'm like, whoa, like, I would've never imagined this. I didn't think I would be alive this long. Like- … who knew I would make it here?

James Haley: 20:44

Well, you got a long time to go. What you gonna be, what? Another- Yeah … another… Are you, you gonna make it to at least 110. At least 110.

Sara Dorris: 20:50

Yeah, 110. There we go. Yeah. Okay, so, uh, learning about your journey through diverse, diverse. Learning about your journey through divorce and how you learn how to re-identify yourself as an individual outside of the roles that you carry, I wanna ask you about your outlook on gratitude, you know? Like, what is gratitude to you now?

James Haley: 21:22

I feel like that's a loaded question 'cause I feel like I can unpack like so much from that standpoint. But gratitude now is appreciating even the small things. Appreciating the small moments openly appreciating it, not, not always just holding it in, like from the standpoint of being gracious or, having that gratitude, but even being vocal about it. When I think about gratitude, I think about my wife. So, there's times I come home and she'll be in the kitchen cooking the kids'll be running around probably making messes in the house. But still like walking in, knowing this is, this is my people. This is my family. Like my wife is making dinner for both me and for the kids. So just being thankful for her. And like I hear my name like being called, uh, probably hundreds of times a day, like you, uh, I- already, like and it's only half the, half the day already. But in that just being grateful I am a father and I have kids, and that they know to run to me if they need something. And then I guess even from from friendships and the people that I come across, from the standpoint of just being happy for the relationships that I have and knowing that people know that I'm there to help. If they need someone to talk to, I do a lot of community work too, so people know they can reach out if they're just even finding a, trying to find like a nonprofit to help them through certain situations that I'm a resource. From the standpoint of knowing that God has placed me in different areas, and that, I feel like I'm being utilized. And so just being grateful that people know that I'm that light in certain dark areas and dark places, yet even though everything looks dim, that there can still be light and and that through it all, that we can get through it. Being a father isn't always easy, and being a husband isn't always easy. Being, being, uh, someone within my career space is not always easy at all, but knowing that I can still get through it is-- and that it's not just me by myself, but I have a higher power that's there, like helping me every step of the way.

Sara Dorris: 23:26

Mm-hmm. Okay. That's loaded answer.

James Haley: 23:30

Yeah.

Sara Dorris: 23:34

Okay. Is gratitude something that comes easily to you or have you had to learn how to practice it?

James Haley: 23:42

I feel like it comes easy to me from that standpoint. Yeah, I would say it comes easy. The only thing that comes to my mind too is that gratitude and then also like, how you show it. So I think about love languages, and I think about my wife like from that standpoint of how she feels love from different ways. So, to show that I'm grateful to her, for me, it may just be a hug, but for her it can be doing something for her. I think that's-- I guess that part, like, is a learning, like too, as you start to kind of enter into my, like, love languages. But, um, being vocal about it, like that's easy for me.

Sara Dorris: 24:20

Mm-hmm. If

James Haley: 24:21

that makes sense.

Sara Dorris: 24:22

No, it does. It does. And It does. I think-- So, like, your whole life you've always just been like, "Yes, I am grateful. I am grateful for this. I am grateful for that."

James Haley: 24:40

And I- I

Sara Dorris: 24:41

believe it.

James Haley: 24:42

It's, it's funny because, like, I think it's-- I feel like it's probably because, um, early on, like I wanna say, it had to be, uh, middle school that, like, my mom started taking me to volunteer. And so that's when I really got exposure to community and, and how there are so many people that are in need and, um, that even though, like, we didn't have everything, we weren't like a rich family growing up but God definitely provided. Like, we had a place to stay. Like, we had vehicles. Like, we, um, we had food to eat. Um, but I used to do a lot of volunteering, even like in leadership roles, like over at, at, uh… I don't know if you know about Metropolitan Ministries, um, but did a lot- Yes … yeah, did a lot of work there, like especially during the holiday time. And so I met a lot of people there. I learned about a lot of circumstances that people were going through, and I just saw children's faces when they would come and, like, get toys from the tent or get food that they needed for Thanksgiving and things like that. So I feel like doing a lot of those type of community-focused like things early on in life, like, helped me with being grateful because I saw , how much I was blessed and how things could be 'cause I saw how other people have struggled and going through certain things.

Sara Dorris: 26:01

I feel that. That is, that's a really good thing your mom did getting you involved with volunteering so young because some people don't do that and I think it shows 'cause sometimes people don't have that necessarily, that perspective of gratitude for what they have to realize, oh, this is a blessing to live this way and everybody doesn't have this.

James Haley: 26:23

Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's just something I've continued to do, um, in, in different ways. Uh, even, even like once I moved to Wisconsin, like I just continued to, to serve. And, um, I feel like, like you said, like being connected with the community and understanding the, the need and the situations that are going on, you realize how blessed you really are and just be grateful for what you have. Um, um, 'cause I've, I've seen it all. Like I've seen it all from the standpoint of like people running away from abusive situations, prostitution, people living underneath bridges. There's just so much that I've seen across the years like with the community work that I do. So it's, I feel like there's, if, if, if I'm not grateful for, for life, like I don't know what I was doing all that time.

Sara Dorris: 27:13

Right, right, right. Okay. So- Mm. Okay. You're grateful. You're a gratuitous person.

So I'll ask you this: 27:25

when someone asks who you are, what do you hope they see?

James Haley: 27:41

And coming up with the great questions. Um, I guess the first thing I hope they see is I hope they see Christ through me and through my life. The next thing I hope they see is, that I'm a loving husband and that, like, I'm a, a father, like, for my children. And then, um, and then from there, uh, just being, uh, an advocate for my community, I guess in that order. Mm-hmm.

Sara Dorris: 28:11

Sounds like someone with a lot of love, a lot of compassion, and someone really just there to try and help people the best they can.

James Haley: 28:19

Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's just so much, like, going on in this world and, uh, it's so easy to be blinded by the things that are going on around you. Like, I, I know that even when I started doing a lot of community work in Milwaukee, um, people even told me, they're like, "I didn't know this was going on. Like, I drive by this bridge, I drive by this area, like, every day. I didn't know this was, uh, going on be- in the, in the woods or underneath these bridges." Um, so when you open, when you help people open up their eyes to see some of those things and, um, I feel like it helps give a different perspective too on life.

Sara Dorris: 28:57

Uh, definitely. Like that, that's an understatement. Like, yeah. Honestly, sometimes I think about the things that someti-'cause I see some homeless people sometimes when I'm driving through, like, the area I live in or whatever.

James Haley: 29:12

Mm-hmm.

Sara Dorris: 29:12

And I just think, man, like you, I have no idea. And I even watch these videos on YouTube where, like, they help people, like someone pretends to be blind or something- Mm-hmm to get some help, and someone's like, "Well, I've only got $4, but I'll give you two. Let me go in the bank and get it." And it's like, like the heart that some of these people have, and it's just, I don't know, life is so hard sometimes.

James Haley: 29:40

It really is, and it's, it… One thing that I learned too is people think that when they see homeless people on the street too, that it's always because of addiction. Definitely addiction is a problem. Like, you have alcohol, you have drugs, and things like that, but it's not everybody that's out there. I sometimes say that homelessness can be like one paycheck away that didn't come for some people. And so you see them out there, and then, you learn about their stories. Like, you have vets that are out there. Like, you have, um, people that have been through all this traumatic stuff that's happened in their childhood, and they just ran away and had to figure out life on their own by themselves. Or you see people that are just working hard. Like, there are some people that, like, literally have jobs, but they can't afford to pay rent, and can't afford to get a car uh, that, uh, that you will still find on the street. So it's just so many different circumstances that you see people in, and it's, um… And it's definitely, like, one of those things where people may not notice until you, like, help them, like, see it.'Cause you may see someone at the corner of the intersection, but you may not think in the back of the head, where are they going off to? Like, where do they stay? Like, after they leave this corner, like, um, in, in everyone's mind, they may be like, "Oh, they're just going back home." So what is home? And learning that, even, a small shack in a wooded area could be considered home for somebody.

Sara Dorris: 31:01

Yeah, it, it definitely can. So while we're speaking about hard times and, you know, sometimes in life things go wrong what helps you get through the hard days?

James Haley: 31:21

I think that one of the, I guess one of the things I mentioned before is just like knowing that the Lord has brought me through so much that I can, that I know that no matter what comes my way, that I can get through it. Yeah, I'll still get stressed out at times. Even my wife has to remind me and be like, "You know, like it's gonna be all right. Like at the end of the day, like God, God got you." Um, there's, um, I think about how like I've just recently like applied for a, promotion like at my job for a different position and, just like over the past like week or two, I found out that they moved on to other candidates. And the first thing my wife said, was like how-- well, she was asking like how I was doing and I was like, "You know, like I'm, I'm okay." Like I, I was like, "I kinda feel like kinda sad because I really like wanted to, um, move on to like this different role." And, um, but then the first thing like she was like saying is that you gotta remember that God could be protecting you from something like in that particular role and that there's something else like in store. So like even though like I'm a grateful person, I still have those times where I'm like,"Okay, like okay, God, like what's, what's really going on?" And, um, and she was right, like from the standpoint like I don't, I don't know what, what God holds and what God's trying to do like with me or the company that I'm at. And, um, but I gotta con-continue to walk it out and that's one of those things with faith. I was reading something recently where it says like faith has feet. When God tells you to go, you, you have to make those steps and you have to perform an action. Even from the standpoint of going through those things, sometimes we just gotta walk out of those situations and, um, and you'll get through it at the end of the day.

Sara Dorris: 32:56

That is very true. I think it was so insightful for your wife to give you that point about, you know, you never know what you're missing out on,'cause I've had situations to where I've applied for roles and I didn't get it, but then later on I learned, oh, thank you. You guys are working 80 hours a week. Thank you. Like, the stuff I'm saying in these interviews, like of a long time ago, um, when I was at a previous company, I interviewed for a role somewhere, and the guy was like, "Yeah, you know, this role takes a lot of nights and weekends." And I'm like,"Yeah, nights and weekends. Yeah, you know, I, I'm, I'm a worker." I don't wanna work no nights and weekends.

James Haley: 33:44

Oh, to deny. I was…

Sara Dorris: 33:47

Yeah. But I like that, uh, I like that your hope for your hard days comes from pretty much centered on your faith and, and your history about where you've been through, or what you've been through. How do you treat yourself when you fall short of your expectations for yourself?

James Haley: 34:05

How do I treat myself when I fall short of my expectations? I guess the first thing that comes in my mind is, so I, I do photography on the side as well too. And sometimes when I take pictures and I take them like on, at the location, then I come back home, and of course you have hundreds of pictures that you're trying to go through, and like you look at some of them, you're like, "Man, like that didn't, that didn't necessarily come out the way that I wanted it to come out." I wasn't trying to get that particular angle. It didn't look right, like to me and my eyes. But then I'll go through and I'll still edit them , the best that I know how. And then I'll maybe show it to my wife or show it to the clients, like the pictures that they have, and all of a sudden they're raving like they love it. One of the things I've learned along the way is that I can't always be super critical of myself. It's okay to be critical and to know that there's always room to learn and that I don't know it all. But I have to remember that God has given me gifts and that in that He's given me the tools , to perform things in ways that I never have thought. I think about when those clients be like, "Oh, like I love these pictures. Like this, this was the best. Thank you so much." I'm like,"God, you did all this," because if it would've been up to me, I would've thrown all these pictures away and started from scratch.

Sara Dorris: 35:19

That's funny.

James Haley: 35:22

It be like, it be like that sometimes. I'm like hundreds, hundreds of pictures later I'm like, "I don't like any of this picture." But it'll be all right.

Sara Dorris: 35:31

Yeah, it will be. It will be. Um, okay, so last question'cause I know we've got to get you out of here. What are your words of encouragement to somebody listening to this now? You know, maybe it could be someone who either went through a divorce or is having identity questions after losing a role, a job, or anything. Just what are your words of encouragement to the world right now?

James Haley: 35:55

The first thing is that without, without Jesus, I don't know where I would be. Like, from the standpoint, I, I know that may be kinda cliche, uh, 'cause I've definitely heard that a lot over the years, but as you grow, and you go through things life be lifin', and it, and it can knock you straight out. And I'm just so thankful that the Lord has been with me along the way and that I've seen how He's performed miracles, like, still. How where I have been in a situation and I'm like,"Lord, I don't know how I'm gonna get through this," and He turns it around. And so, like, if you're sitting in the situation and you're like, "I don't even know what to do. I don't even know who to turn to, I don't know how I'm gonna get myself out of this," that's, that's the point where God, wants you. That's the point where you can pray and be like, "Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do." And when we get to the point where we just lay everything at His feet and say, "Lord, I give it all to you," I feel like that's when we're most vulnerable, and then that's when God can be God and He can go in and take those impossible situations and make them possible and, allow miracles to take place and allow relationship to happen, allow doors to open. And you stand back and you look at it all a- and you're like, "Whoa," like, "What just happened?" And so I just wanna encourage you today that, no matter where you are, that you're loved and, that you're going to get through it, and you just pray your way through and the Lord will, will carry you through it all.

Sara Dorris: 37:22

Okay. Have hope. Don't give up. Keep fighting. And trust the Lord. So I wanna thank you so much, James, for talking to me today. I love you. I thank you so much for your time, and just your presence, and who you are, and what you stand for, and I just thank you so much.

James Haley: 37:40

Thank you so much for having me. Like, it's been awesome. And I love you as well. Like, it's, it's crazy how we can hop on the phone and be, like, talking for 45 minutes. I'm like, next thing I know I'm like, "Crap," like, "where did time go?"

Sara Dorris: 37:54

I was just telling my wife that this morning. I was like, "Yeah, we could talk on the phone for hours," and then be like, "Oh, yeah, I guess we should go through…" Yeah. But, um, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you all for listening and I just, you know, I don't know, write me, guys. Comment, rate the podcast. Tell me, tell me something, tell me about your testimonies, about how you've gotten through your hard times. Tell me about times where God came through for you and you were just totally blown. I don't know. Give me a testimony. Give me some good news so we can share it with everybody else that's listening as well. I thank you all for listening, and if you wanna find me, I'm easily found. I have a Instagram and a TikTok. BrighterDazePodcast. I have a Facebook, BrighterDaze with Sara. I have a email, ask4brighterdaze@gmail.com, and that, the daze is D-A-Z-E. Um, and yeah, so I'm around, and I hope that you will be, too. So have a nice day, everybody