WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.599 We just thought, wouldn't it be nice to get a little bit of wisdom from some people who maybe have got a little bit of wisdom um on it potentially and just see what happens. 00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:18.239 Um but what I do want to just say very quickly before we get started is that we're all different. 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:18.879 Okay? 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:21.359 And that's okay. 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:44.159 Um and if you're a parent in the room this morning, or a potential parent, or a grandparent, or a parent in the Lord, all right, so I think that covers everyone, or you're a son or a daughter, or being a son or a daughter, um, that definitely covers everyone. 00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:49.520 Um, I want to say um that it's okay. 00:00:49.679 --> 00:01:07.120 You get to choose, you get to choose how you do things, and uh, and from our discussion this morning, I want you to take away what you feel you need to take away, and uh and be okay with that. 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:08.239 Is that alright? 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:15.920 Um because there's a lot of pressure to do things, especially parenting. 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:23.120 I remember when our two were born, even before Josh was born, just thinking, it can't be that hard. 00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:42.879 Just because everywhere you turned there was a book, or an Instagram post, or a Facebook thing, or uh, you know, uh someone saying, Do this or do that, or prioritize this, and you mustn't do this, and you mustn't do that, and you well, people have done this for 50 years, but don't do that anymore because it's unsafe. 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:47.439 Uh, and the pressure, even like how on earth you ladies do, I don't know. 00:01:47.519 --> 00:02:15.439 But me as a dad, I was just like, Man, before Josh was born, there's a lot of pressure, you know, and and bringing your kids up in God's house, um, there can also be a whole lot of pressure involved, and we don't want you guys to feel pressure, we want you to lead your family with conviction, having thought about it, having prayed about it, and having read God's word about how you can be the best you could be. 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:17.280 Do you hear what I'm saying? 00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:21.120 Um Judith and I haven't got it right. 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.639 Neither's me, mum and dad, neither's anyone. 00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:27.280 Um, we're not perfect, so bear with us. 00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:32.800 And what I do just want to say is if you're sat there this morning thinking this isn't relevant to me, you're wrong. 00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:37.360 Okay, there's a very famous I'm losing my voice, it's going well. 00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:40.319 There's a very famous African proverb. 00:02:40.639 --> 00:02:54.240 I prefer a Bible proverb personally, but there's an African proverb that says it takes a village to raise a child, and and what we get to do in God's house is we get to share the burden. 00:02:54.560 --> 00:03:01.120 You know, so when I look at my kids and I think, oh, they're my responsibility, oh, I've got to get it right. 00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:10.319 The pressure, there's also I have the ability to share that pressure, to share that load with you guys, and that excites me. 00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:17.039 You know, um, and I hope that you trust us with your burden as well. 00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:28.080 You know, and and every time I have an uh a little uh interaction with one of our children, one of our young people, I want them to walk away blessed, and I hope you see it the same way. 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:31.840 Um I just want to say one last thing. 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:35.840 If this is triggering for you, I'm really sorry. 00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:37.439 But let's talk about it. 00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:38.879 We can pray for you. 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:51.360 We want to help you guys because, like I said, family is tricky, family can be painful to think about certain aspects of the journey you've been on or anything like that. 00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:53.840 So if if you need to, come on. 00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:57.680 Don't walk that journey of pain alone. 00:03:58.000 --> 00:03:59.520 Let's walk it together, amen. 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:10.000 Alright, so um this morning, first I've asked two couples to come and um to share with us, to have a chat, essentially. 00:04:10.639 --> 00:04:16.000 Um so I wondered if you would welcome the wonderful James and Vika to the platform. 00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:23.199 Are you guys okay? 00:04:23.439 --> 00:04:24.879 Yeah, yeah, just relax. 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:26.319 We're gonna be good. 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.240 Um we love James and Vika, right? 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:46.560 Yeah, not just because he's a great drummer, and not just because Vika's great with graphics and has really blessed us um with the work that she's done, but because um they are a blessing to our house. 00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:48.399 All right, we honour you guys. 00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:56.720 Um thank you for that, but then thank you for just for being you and sharing who you are with us over the last however long it's been. 00:04:56.959 --> 00:04:58.160 Um what a blessing. 00:04:58.480 --> 00:05:07.199 Um I don't know if you've noticed, but um their children love Jesus. 00:05:08.319 --> 00:05:12.720 Um and it's it's beautiful to watch. 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:13.759 Okay. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:22.959 So when we were thinking about this, um, we were just like, oh man, if they've got any wisdom or any insight, I think we should share that with the church. 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:24.959 Um does that sound okay? 00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:38.319 Firstly, I haven't asked you about we do I I sent them some questions this week, but I just wondered, could you either of you, probably Vika, could you really quickly, in one minute, tell us how you guys met? 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:40.879 Just so we can break the ice a little bit. 00:05:41.040 --> 00:05:42.079 Because do you know what it is? 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:44.240 This story is awesome. 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:46.079 This story's awesome. 00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:47.199 Just quickly. 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:54.959 Um, so we met in college um many months ago, I think two decades ago, around about that time. 00:05:55.360 --> 00:06:00.959 Um, same class, a big class of 43 students. 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:04.800 There's only three girls, including myself and my sister. 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:07.759 So, of course, James saw me straight away. 00:06:08.560 --> 00:06:18.399 Um and yeah, he one day just brave enough to approach me um and we started talking. 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:29.360 Uh but yeah, the the most important uh interesting thing about how we met is really God because when James was little, he did pray. 00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:32.319 He wanted a wife, a foreign wife. 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:34.720 You know. 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:46.319 And um and I've always I've always had a type, and my type is a blonde boyband looking. 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:47.360 Hello. 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:51.199 So yeah. 00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:52.480 How good's that? 00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:53.439 How good's that? 00:06:53.680 --> 00:07:01.279 Tell us a little bit the journey of how you got to um how it went from there, because this is amazing as well. 00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:07.600 Well, uh as in just a brief testimony, basically. 00:07:07.839 --> 00:07:11.199 Well, uh yeah, Vika wasn't saved when I met her. 00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:14.000 Um so there's a little teaching in that. 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.360 Um obviously not, you know, you shouldn't be unequally yoked. 00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:21.600 Uh so at that point in time I I don't think I was walking the way I should. 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:27.439 But God is good and um all things work together for good for those who love God. 00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:36.240 So um prayed a lot, shared the gospel a lot, and thank God that uh Vega decided to follow Jesus. 00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:40.319 And we got married like straight away, basically, or at least I proposed straight away. 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:48.240 Um yeah, and we were together for what five five years, like in marriage before I think the kids came along, I think. 00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:57.040 Um yeah, but um just a lot of a lot of um prayer went into that. 00:07:57.279 --> 00:08:02.399 Um yeah, and I don't think that's like there's two sides to it. 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:08.079 It's not a thing to be proud of to like to see somebody else like a um uh what's it called? 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:16.000 Like a a task to get them saved, like it, you know, but it happened, and I I believe that it happened because it was God's will. 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:19.839 Uh and I prayed into it, and and God wants everybody to be saved. 00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:21.600 Um, but yeah, praise God. 00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:22.639 Awesome. 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:25.839 So um excuse me. 00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:38.240 Um I think it's safe to say on some level that we all want our kids to worship God in the same way that your kids do. 00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:42.159 Um now I know what you're gonna say. 00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:47.279 Um we want our kids to to love the Lord like yours do. 00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:47.840 Okay. 00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:51.919 Um I know what you're gonna say. 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:53.919 You're gonna say, well, it's all God's glory. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:09:04.240 But I wonder, is there anything that you've done intentionally in preparation to having your kids or as soon as they've come along? 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:21.279 But what what's what's a little bit of your philosophy, as it were, for want of a better word, around um the intentionality of what some things you've put in place that has uh helped them become who they are so far? 00:09:21.519 --> 00:09:25.279 Because they're still only little, but you know, we we praise God for them. 00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:31.759 Like that as a worship team, you know, we I look and see I look and see you guys worship and it blesses me. 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:38.240 It encourages me guys to to dig deeper with the Lord myself, so what a blessing. 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:46.399 Yeah, how did you how do we what were some of the intentional decisions you made around how you were gonna bring your children up? 00:09:47.039 --> 00:09:47.679 I'll stop talking. 00:09:47.759 --> 00:09:51.360 Go everything absolutely intentional. 00:09:51.600 --> 00:10:06.080 Um so we see fatherhood as something that is uh you know invented by God, God is the father, um, and he wants that for humanity as well. 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:20.720 Um like it's our highest calling, our highest honour is to raise godly children, and I think if if you are not doing that, I believe that that's not God's will, and he wants us to walk in that. 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:44.639 Everything that we do and everything we have done is completely intentional, um, and it requires a lot of prayer, warrior warrioring, um a huge amount of prayer, huge amount of wisdom that comes from God, but it requires you to be intentional and to to step into it and to seek what is God's will, what is God saying, and how can I do that? 00:10:45.039 --> 00:10:45.279 Cool. 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:47.279 Wish I can expand on a lot of your like. 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:48.639 Yeah, yeah. 00:10:48.720 --> 00:11:02.480 So yeah, given that it is God's will for us to be good fathers and mothers, um He doesn't just leave it there, He gives us the tools to do it, uh and the Bible is the best manual you will find. 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:16.879 Yeah, there's loads of books, secular books, about how to do this and how to and they're all great, but nothing is uh, you know, gonna replace or get anywhere close to what God Himself says and what God Himself wants. 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:24.480 Um so if you look through the Bible, you might think, well, there isn't any like particular rules about how to do this, or where do I find how to change an Abbey? 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:27.440 Where do where do I find any no, you won't. 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:34.240 Um but you will as you read, and actually that's my number one tip, prayer, but reading. 00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:36.559 If you're not passionate about God, read the Bible. 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:42.080 The way I got passionate was deciding just to step through the entire Bible, something I'd never done before. 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:49.600 And I must say, going purposefully into God's word changes, completely changes you. 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:54.159 So if you're ever wondering how to get passion for God, read the Bible. 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:55.519 Uh number one. 00:11:55.840 --> 00:11:56.320 Come on. 00:11:56.559 --> 00:11:58.960 Um so it doesn't give you specific rules. 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:01.759 Well, it does in some cases, absolutely it does. 00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:05.919 Um, but you know, there's a lot of things in life where you say, Well, why does it say that particular thing? 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:07.360 Like, where do people get that idea from? 00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:14.159 And you search through the Bible, but what you look for is patterns, like what is God's um what is God's heart for the Israelites? 00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:16.799 What's God's heart for how to deal with sin? 00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:20.720 What is God saying through these particular stories in the Bible? 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:31.759 Like, it's not about the people in the Bible when you think about like Moses, Noah, David, Joseph, like all it's important, but why is that story in the Bible? 00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:33.200 What is the reason for it? 00:12:33.360 --> 00:12:35.039 What's God doing with his people? 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:36.960 How does he treat his people? 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:43.120 That's the sort of principles and the patterns that when you finish reading the Bible, you're left with a flavor. 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:52.799 At least for me, I find it hard to remember specific things, but I remember the flavor, and that's what equips me to think well, what what does God do with his people? 00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:54.240 What does he want me to do? 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:57.200 Um great, yeah, cool, yeah. 00:12:57.679 --> 00:13:16.080 Um, I was uh I was reading um a couple of months ago, I was reading through Kings, one Kings and two Kings, and um in First Kings, um Solomon, King Solomon, wisest of them all, right? 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:20.480 Super wise, clever guy, rich, powerful, knows it all, essentially. 00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:28.320 Um he dies, and his son, Rhea Bohem, takes over, and literally it falls apart for them. 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:30.480 It falls apart for them. 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:47.840 And um and one of my concerns, I guess, as being a parent is that I don't just um I don't just want to be wise and make good decisions, I want to pass that on. 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:55.759 And then reading through Proverbs, which is you know this talks about passing on to your children. 00:13:56.559 --> 00:14:09.200 Um see Solomon was wise, super clever, but um he he didn't necessarily give the best example to his children. 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:14.320 He had many wives from different nations and you know, and it wasn't a good impression. 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:27.440 Um and I wonder as a secondary question, like for you guys, um what do you purposefully how do you lead your children with a good example? 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:33.919 Not just not just having the head knowledge but doing and showing. 00:14:34.159 --> 00:14:34.559 I wonder. 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:35.759 Yeah, that's massive. 00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:47.519 Um I think before the kids were born and we we knew that it was coming, I was exactly that is what how can I how can I raise my kids? 00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:49.200 What what's the best thing to do? 00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:55.759 And the simple truth was that I had was you cannot give what you do not have. 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:59.120 If you want to give something to your kids, you've got to get it for yourself. 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:11.200 We are, as parents, we have spiritual authority over our children, and everything, literally everything that we do impacts them, for better or for worse. 00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:20.720 If you're dabbling in certain sins, in sin generally, if you are walking a certain life, you're creating an open door for your own life straight into your children. 00:15:20.879 --> 00:15:26.080 So you've got to be really, really like wise, discerning. 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:31.759 You've got to, you know, you've got to know what you're doing and how is that gonna impact you, but your kids. 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:35.600 Everything that I do, I'm thinking, how is it gonna impact my kids? 00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:36.799 So that's that's the first thing. 00:15:36.879 --> 00:15:40.000 So you you always consider, you know, what's this movie that we're about to watch? 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:41.600 What what's that letting into our home? 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:43.200 What's that music that we're listening to? 00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:48.000 What what's this undertone of that music and what's that saying, what am I allowing into my heart? 00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:53.120 Because if it's in my heart, it goes we have spiritual authority, it goes straight into your children as well. 00:15:53.360 --> 00:16:11.200 Um, so we need to be opening doors and closing doors over our family, and you know, as a father, that you know, is for both of us as parents, but I take a great responsibility on myself as a father in the family to um to make sure that I'm chasing after God, make sure that I'm fleeing from sin. 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:20.559 I'm not perfect, yeah, but I I've seen the standard of the Bible and I've seen the consequences, and I know what I want to achieve and and how I want to achieve it. 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:24.159 Um now, you know, it's just trying to walk, and that is obviously a challenge. 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:30.960 But yeah, so um uh you can't give what you don't have. 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:43.279 So as the children were on the way, Jacob first obviously, um, I'm thinking, well, goodness, what I like we're watching all sorts of rubbish on the TV, we're allowing all sorts of rubbish in our home. 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:47.360 Um, you know, I don't have a massive amount of passion for God. 00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:55.120 Of course, I'm saved and I believe in God, and I would, you know, you just sort of average, um, which is a dangerous place to be, to be honest. 00:16:55.440 --> 00:17:02.320 I want to be absolutely red hot on fire for God, because if I'm like that, my kids will be like that, period. 00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:03.200 That's it. 00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:05.119 Um so it starts with us. 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:09.759 We have to get right in our own lives so that our children can walk in that as well. 00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:14.640 So everything I've done has been we has been very intentional. 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:23.279 Um, you know, if you want your kids to worship, you better worship in home, in private, you know, but you better also worship with them and lead by example. 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:23.519 Yeah. 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:30.400 You want them to read the Bible, well, you better read the Bible and you better really push into it and then do that with them as well. 00:17:30.799 --> 00:17:44.079 You know, so yeah, you you're taking everything you've learned and you're doing it and you're walking in it, because again, you know, being a parent is the highest honor, the highest responsibility, and I don't take that lightly. 00:17:44.160 --> 00:17:45.599 And it's an absolute pleasure as well. 00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:47.839 We have so much fun and we love doing it. 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:58.319 Um, but ultimately, you know, almost my entire prayer life is family-oriented and children-oriented, I would say. 00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:05.279 Um, you know, God, give me like wisdom for this thing, and don't let me, you know, don't let me walk from what you want me to do. 00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:09.920 Uh, you know, how can I how can I uh give my children a godly image? 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:15.839 That's another thing as well, is as people grow up from different walks of lives, that's going to impact how they see God. 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:17.920 So that's a massive part of me, as well. 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:28.160 Is well, I know the Bible, I know my God, and how can I be as like that as possible so that they grow up knowing who God is just by looking at me, basically. 00:18:28.400 --> 00:18:37.039 I think that's that's a calling for all of us, is to yeah, is to represent God to our children, uh, and then to represent our children to God as well. 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:39.119 So that's prophet and priest. 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:44.640 So, you know, priest is representing uh the people to God and prophets representing God to the people. 00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:48.240 Um there's a great Derek Prince uh teaching on that. 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:54.960 Um yeah, so honestly, just massively blessed, massively passionate. 00:18:55.119 --> 00:19:02.240 Top tips is huge amount of warfare, huge amount of prayer, but you've got to walk what you want your children to do, you've got to do it for yourself. 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:09.440 If you're not doing it for yourself, you have zero authority for your children, and the devil will walk all over you. 00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:11.759 So you've got to get your own heart right. 00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:15.119 Um, and yeah, you can't give what you don't have. 00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:19.440 If you want to give it, you've got to get it first for yourself, and you've got to bring your children up in that as well. 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:21.119 Great, wonderful. 00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:21.680 Thank you. 00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:23.599 Vika, you don't get away with it. 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.680 Um pass that mic over there. 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.880 Uh, just quickly then. 00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:32.480 Um our children are kind of the same age, right? 00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:33.519 Like I said earlier. 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:38.559 I don't know why I got emotional, but my boy's going to big school next year. 00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:40.160 Uh, in September. 00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:53.680 Um and there's all sorts of influences out there, and I don't necessarily want to um I don't want to shield him over too much. 00:19:53.839 --> 00:20:02.400 I don't want to be overbearing, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to be over the top, heavy-handed in my approach. 00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:16.480 Um I guess as as you look ahead to teenage years, because it can be quite daunting, some of you guys have done that already, some of you are right slap bang in the middle of it, uh, and going through that. 00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:24.240 Um, how how do you uh plan to to to go into that season? 00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:27.039 If that makes sense. 00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:36.720 Um so I think the most important thing to remember is that our children belong to the Lord. 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:37.519 Right. 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:45.920 And our role is to kind of guide them towards Him rather than trying to control their choices. 00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:59.119 So as they're growing up, um, yes, increase their independence, but yet still being present to offer them wisdom and guidance when they need it. 00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:05.759 So that's one, two, cover them in prayers, absolutely cover them in prayers. 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:22.720 You cannot underestimate the power of prayers when they go out, pray for them every single day, every morning, and speak positively over them, yeah, speak life over them. 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:33.920 I mean the Bible says Proverbs 18, 21, life and death are in the power of the tongue, right? 00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:58.720 So if we if we speak and we believe that teenagers are difficult or rebellious or challenging, you know, or often we hear, you know, new bones or or new bones means no sleep, or you know, people people say, Ooh, the terrible two, um, that sort of thing. 00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:16.640 Um They can they can uh yeah, they they they can um they can turn into reality what what you speak, right? 00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:18.160 The power of the tongue. 00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:29.680 So um so yeah, w we choose to put lens of God's heart and his word and speak the life, right, right? 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:55.440 And and you know God may they have purpose in life, may they have wisdom, may they have freedom, may they have joy, may they have love and strength and faith and you know truth over um over them, you know, what the truth over they are who they are in Christ. 00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:55.920 Amen. 00:22:56.559 --> 00:22:56.960 That makes sense. 00:22:57.279 --> 00:22:58.000 Awesome. 00:22:58.799 --> 00:22:59.680 Completely agree. 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:01.839 Yeah, life and death are in the power of the tongue. 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.079 You can speak blessings or curses. 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:11.200 You've got to really guard your heart because what you let into your home impacts your children, what you say impacts your children. 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:17.279 Little things, um, you know, there's so many examples I can't think of anything off the top of my head right now. 00:23:17.519 --> 00:23:24.000 But if you speak to parts of your body, if you speak to anything, you're either cursing it or you're blessing it. 00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:35.680 And we're very intentional about what we say over the kids to never say anything that is contrary to what God's will is, or because we know you you it's so easy just to curse just through what you're saying, you know. 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:43.920 Uh like uh I'm not I'm not gonna give examples, but it can be really trivial things, and I believe life and death from the power of the tongue. 00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:48.559 You better watch what your tongue says, um, and yeah, that's a massive, massive thing. 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:49.599 Awesome. 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:51.119 Thank you guys. 00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:56.240 Um, I have no idea how long we've been talking for, so I'm sorry. 00:23:56.319 --> 00:23:58.880 Um we're just gonna keep going, if that's alright. 00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:00.960 Um thank you. 00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:02.960 You are a blessing to our house. 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:04.960 Listen, I'm gonna say this on your behalf. 00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:10.240 I'm sorry if I'm not allowed to, but if you want to talk to these guys, please approach them. 00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:21.519 Um if you've got advice to get like if you want advice, if you want to know more, if you want to have a little bit of what they've got, and you know, if you're after an impartation, then please come and is that okay? 00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:22.160 Can I say that? 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:22.480 Yeah. 00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:24.240 Um, can we hear from James and Vika? 00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:26.240 Amazing, thank you. 00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:36.000 So um uh little I want to give you a little bit of a different perspective now. 00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:41.279 I'm gonna invite um uh who I think are the best parents in the world. 00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:46.799 Um sorry if you disagree with me, but you're wrong. 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:51.759 Um mum, dad, David, and Joyce come and come and join us. 00:24:53.759 --> 00:25:00.799 I've um we've had to put a little chair up there for my mum because she was said, I don't know if I can fit on one of those stools, Mike Matthew. 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:05.200 So so I thought I'd point it out and now she'll tell me off later. 00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:07.839 And as well, how exciting is this? 00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:10.319 Today is Daddy Lewis's birthday. 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:18.160 Right, very quickly then, how did you guys meet? 00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:20.799 I'm gonna tell you about that bit. 00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:21.440 Quickly. 00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:26.079 1976 we met. 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:32.240 We met in Bible college, so we were there for just short of a year. 00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:48.000 So to start with, we were strangers, um, living together, eating together, um, praying together as a as a group of people, worshiping together. 00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:51.359 We got to know each other, we became friends. 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:59.920 Um we used to go as students, we used to go around different churches doing different things like speaking and different things. 00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:11.359 And one thing that Dave and I did, Dave played the guitar and I used to sing, so we used to sing together, we used to practice together, so we got to know each other quite well. 00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:19.200 Um at the end of that time, we um became more than friends. 00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:30.799 And then um at the end of college, which was 1977, we left on the 7th of the 7th, 1977. 00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:32.640 All those sevens. 00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:35.839 Uh and we came up. 00:26:35.920 --> 00:26:41.519 I came home to the Northeast, and Dave followed suit shortly after. 00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:46.880 Um the following year, we were married, 1978. 00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:50.960 Um, so it's been 48 years we've been married. 00:26:53.680 --> 00:27:05.200 So if you don't know, um there's me, who's the son of these two wonderful people, and I have an older sister, she's three years older than me, uh Rebecca. 00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:13.759 All right, so obviously, you guys are a little bit older than maybe me and Judith and James and Vika, and just a little bit. 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:24.799 Um, so I wonder, um I guess uh there's been different seasons of parenthood, of family life, shall we call it? 00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:29.920 Um can you talk us through some of those seasons? 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:36.079 Can you maybe show us how God has carried you through that? 00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:41.359 And in there if you've got any nuggets of advice as well. 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:47.039 Do you want me to say something in a minute? 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:51.680 Um it's a long time, isn't it? 00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:53.519 To pick some things out. 00:27:54.559 --> 00:28:01.119 Uh we've had some really good times as a family. 00:28:01.440 --> 00:28:04.880 We've had some really rocky times as a family. 00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:14.319 Um I think we'll talk about a rocky time because you know it speaks the most to our lives. 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:26.960 Um our daughter Rebecca at the age of 16 came home and said on a Sunday evening, Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant. 00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:33.759 Now Dave and I were both leaders in the church and quite involved. 00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:54.160 We'd just actually come home from church and uh it was a bit of a bombshell, um, and it was a very very difficult time with lots and lots of thoughts and feelings within those minutes. 00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:56.319 Oh, it was hard. 00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:10.640 Um, but all I found myself doing, Mark was there, that's um with her, and uh I just went to her and and put my arms around her and just loved her really. 00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:13.279 What what else can a mum do? 00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:18.960 Um but it was it was a difficult time. 00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:28.720 Now by gum, you don't have no gods with you when you're having difficult times. 00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:39.039 Um and that was our experience right through the time of Rebecca's um pregnancy. 00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:55.279 I mean, she was 16, she was the slimmest little girl you could ever imagine, and it was very difficult seeing her body change from a little girl into a woman ready to give birth. 00:29:55.519 --> 00:29:57.440 It was very difficult. 00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:00.240 Um, but what can we do? 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:03.119 We just plod on. 00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:09.920 You know, as moms and dads and as Christian moms and dads, what do you do? 00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:19.200 You know, we just stand on what we believe and what we know as truth, that God is with us in every situation. 00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:23.920 And even this very, very difficult one, he was with us. 00:30:24.720 --> 00:30:28.000 I'm gonna pass on today because I'll go on forever. 00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:42.400 A little while before these events, um our pastor's daughter uh had a child out of wedlock. 00:30:43.599 --> 00:30:54.319 And as somebody in leadership with him, I said to the Lord, uh as if it was up to me, really. 00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:56.079 How should I respond? 00:30:56.319 --> 00:30:58.799 What should I think about this? 00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:04.240 And the Lord said, don't be judgmental. 00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:07.920 You have a daughter too. 00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:46.720 And so I sought to to follow that, and I am so glad that I did, because when our turn came, I don't know if I had been harsh in my thinking, even, towards this young woman and her family, and could criticized the pastor and everything, it would have been dreadful for me having to face that myself. 00:31:48.559 --> 00:31:53.359 But uh how has God carried us through? 00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:58.160 Well, I'm reminded of the scripture that says underneath are the everlasting arms. 00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:12.640 And wow, in tough times he's there to hold you and to carry you, and he's I can testify to it, and so can many others. 00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:24.400 Um I'm so grateful for the Lord that he's helped us, and as Joyce says, it was difficult, devastating even. 00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:27.680 But uh also blessed. 00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:37.200 I mean, uh we have a fine grandson, and uh he's a good lad, causes all sorts of trouble, but he's a good lad. 00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:40.400 And we continue to pray for him. 00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:42.720 Uh he's a believer. 00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:48.079 Um I don't know how to put this. 00:32:49.519 --> 00:33:01.119 Sometimes the things he says are outrageous, but uh uh on the other hand, uh he he certainly says he's a Christian and he certainly prays. 00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:08.240 So we just have to trust God for him, and we continue to pray for him. 00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:10.640 And that's the other thing I wanted to say. 00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:15.039 Uh James and Beaker talked about prayer. 00:33:16.559 --> 00:33:29.920 When I was young, my mum died, and my father married again into a wonderful family with a wonderful Christian heritage. 00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:47.119 So I can tell you that my, for want of a better word, step-grandparents and my great-aunt and my mother and father prayed for me every day. 00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:50.000 And my mum said that she prayed for Joyce. 00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:57.839 Of course, she didn't know Joyce when Joyce was ten years old, but she prayed for my future wife. 00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:04.960 Let me tell you that those prayers continue to support us. 00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:12.079 Now that generation's gone, I I'm a bit concerned because I'm not the prayer warrior that they were. 00:34:13.039 --> 00:34:16.480 But God is good and his grace is sufficient. 00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:21.599 And that heritage is a wonderful thing, and it carries on. 00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:31.280 I better shut up and I um you know, Matt said about times that we've gone through. 00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:39.039 There's something that I I love, a child's storybook, and it's called We're Going on a Bear Hunt. 00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:41.280 We're going to catch a big one. 00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:51.920 Now, this is great, you know, if you want to think of your life and the things that you may come up against. 00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:58.239 Um just, you know, what does it say? 00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:07.280 For those that don't know the story, so they're going on a bear hunt and they're going to catch a big one, and we're not scared. 00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.559 Uh-oh. 00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:13.199 Grass, long wavy grass. 00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.519 Oh, how'd you get through it? 00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:19.599 Oh, you can't go over it, you can't go under it. 00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:22.559 You've got to go through it. 00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:28.400 What an amazing spiritual picture to me that is. 00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:37.840 You know, so you have got your uh uh-ohs in your life, but you've got to go through it, I'm afraid. 00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:40.639 You can't do anything about it. 00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:48.880 As Christians, we stand upon God, we we carry his truth within our heart. 00:35:49.280 --> 00:36:22.559 Um, we might not like it, we definitely don't want it, but sometimes the going through it teaches you um incredible things of who God is, what he can do, and what he will do, and you know what he will fulfill in your life through all the experiences that we um that we have of that. 00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:24.239 Great, amazing. 00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:25.280 Thank you. 00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:29.039 The vulnerability and I want to honour you because I watched that. 00:36:29.280 --> 00:36:32.960 I mean, I was little, um, I was thirteen, I think. 00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:40.000 And um remember I just remember you guys. 00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:45.039 Loving loving. 00:36:59.519 --> 00:37:09.679 But um you know, like we can feel the pressure to parent in a certain way, and we've had some amazing advice this morning, haven't we? 00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:17.840 But for me, there is one piece of advice that I would give to any parent, and that is to love. 00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:48.559 Love, love, love your little ones, your big ones, because um because they can think anything, they can decide all sorts of things, they can become whatever they're gonna become, but if they have a solid foundation at home that you love them, um then I think things are gonna be okay. 00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:53.679 Um, you know, there will be a foundation for that young person. 00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:55.920 Can I ask you one last question? 00:37:56.400 --> 00:38:12.719 Um, obviously, we we um we're still kind of waiting for Rebecca and for Ben, my my nephew, to at least um be stuck into God fully? 00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:14.159 I think that's a fair way of saying it. 00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:17.920 Rebecca made a decision for for Jesus when she was a child. 00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:32.079 Ben, like you're as you've explained, what advice have you got for people who are still waiting for their children to to make a decision for Jesus, uh maybe in the wilderness at the moment? 00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:36.800 Or even for parents who are worried that that's where their children are headed. 00:38:38.639 --> 00:38:52.400 Um friend of mine, a neighbor of ours, once uh gave me a poem to read, and I don't remember the guy's name, and I remember not being highly impressed at the time. 00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:55.920 Uh it was translated from the Arabic. 00:38:56.159 --> 00:38:58.159 My friend was into this sort of thing. 00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.679 We'd had a lot of conversations about the Lord. 00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:16.480 Uh his were about his Arabic uh never mind, a gloss over that, but the gist of this poem was that when you have children, it's like drawing a bow. 00:39:18.159 --> 00:39:23.519 And you take you take aim and then let loose. 00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:29.760 Scripture says, train up a child. 00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:34.719 I think I prefer this one because it's scripture, but both are wisdom. 00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:37.760 Train up a child in the way he should go. 00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:43.199 When he's old, you won't depart from it, and that goes for the girls, too. 00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:49.519 That's train that training is the aiming. 00:39:51.519 --> 00:40:00.159 But I think the message of the poem is that once you've let loose, you have very much less control. 00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:07.039 Because your children are individuals, they can do what they like, and they probably will. 00:40:08.239 --> 00:40:16.079 They probably do a certain amount now, and in future, that might may become more apparent. 00:40:16.719 --> 00:40:28.159 So, concerns about them finding and following a faith and knowing the Lord and all the rest of it, all you can do really is pray. 00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:44.400 Hold them up in prayer daily, and okay, every now and then, uh a careful word when it's appropriate or when it's when you can slip it in on occasion. 00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:46.880 Yes, don't be a nag. 00:40:48.480 --> 00:40:49.679 But pray. 00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:54.880 You may never see the result of your prayers. 00:40:56.320 --> 00:40:58.719 Let's be fair, that's true. 00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:06.079 By God's grace you may see them come to the Lord in the way that you would like. 00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:10.480 But maybe they will after you're gone. 00:41:10.719 --> 00:41:11.840 Who knows? 00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:20.559 I would say this, that it's a difficult job for God to bring people to himself. 00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:30.000 We know that the Lord works all things together for good to those that love God and who are the calls according to his purpose. 00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:34.000 But it's hard, even for God, let me say. 00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:36.559 Now, of course, he can do anything. 00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:50.880 But he has restrained himself in certain ways to allow us certain freedoms in our lives, and he has chosen simply to guide us and draw us. 00:41:52.320 --> 00:41:57.840 And he wants us to come to him on that basis, not because we're forced. 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:09.519 That makes it much harder for God to work things in that way, so that the one you pray for, family or otherwise, will come to him. 00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:10.880 Or for anything, really. 00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:18.239 You think of the farmer that prays for rain and the somebody else that wants a nice holiday without rain, you know? 00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:26.480 God wonderfully arranges things, but it's quite hard because people are complicated. 00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:29.360 So it takes time, that's my point. 00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:32.719 God can do it, but it can take time. 00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:35.679 So be patient and pray. 00:42:36.079 --> 00:42:37.840 I think I've said enough. 00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:39.679 Yeah, quickly go. 00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:57.679 Uh I think the thing that um that that I feel important is um is as parents, is that we and James and Vika touched on this, um, is influence. 00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:09.440 I can remember the Lord telling me once that, you know, our influence touches now, but actually touches the future. 00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:20.719 Um so I think it's important the way we live our lives, um, that we are that we influence them in everything that we do. 00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:26.079 Um, and that is regarding Rebecca and Ben. 00:43:26.639 --> 00:43:42.320 Um, you know, is that I trust as parents, and even though that they're, you know, Rebecca is a parent herself and they're both adults, that we can still be that influence. 00:43:42.639 --> 00:44:05.760