I Was A Christian Serial Dater

In this raw and honest episode of Red Flags & Redemption, Christine &  Laura open up about the realities of modern dating, navigating temptation, protecting your peace, and healing from the wounds that relationships can leave behind. From the Miami dating scene to choosing self-worth over validation, this conversation is vulnerable, funny, faith-filled, and deeply relatable.

If you’ve ever questioned your standards, struggled with heartbreak, or wondered if healing and healthy love are still possible—this episode is for you.

Because healing isn’t about becoming invincible. It’s about becoming whole. ❤️‍🩹

https://youtube.com/@redflagsandredemption?si=Owf7-cEkGQaB3yVW

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I knew how important my virginity was. Not giving up the cookie. I mean, the anointing was still there. I mean, eyes were being changed. I was in prison ministry and still had this little problem. That scared me. Yeah, the fact that he still appointed me. And so when that happened, it I went into a very dark space. And so I started opening up to God. Are you ready to talk about the baby? Do it. It was 14 years of marriage, so it was very accessible. Once I saw that it just wasn't available anymore, yeah, you start to cry. And so I was getting 20, you know, 20 emails a day. And I thought, wow, I can have a lot of fun. That kind of attention can be exhilarating. Sacred, single, and let's add secure and sexy. Oh that's yes. Let's go. We can die dive in deep.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Welcome to Red Flags and Redemption. I'm Christine Cooper. Throughout my life, I've been a pastor, teacher, mom of two, public speaker, and your host. But more than titles, I'm someone who has walked through real life, real relationships, real trauma, real healing, and has seen firsthand how God redeems what once felt broken beyond repair. Joel 225 states, he will restore the years the locust has eaten. It is a powerful promise from the Bible, where God offers to make up for the times of devastating loss, implying that what's restored will be even better than before, bringing healing and joy after despair. How many of you believe that our future is so much greater than our past? This is for you, that the years to come will exceed and be in excess of the years we may have lost. Our God is an abundant God. Our God is a restorative God. Our God is a faithful father. So today we have been talking about this for a while, and we decided that we would take an episode to just share about dating. And I had a couple of titles in mind. I am with my good friend Laura Vento, and she is actually a fitness enthusiast, but she is the owner of a fitness movement, faith-centered, called Numa. And thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Are you good? Are you ready to talk about dating? Let's do it. We can dive in deep. So we have a lot to say about the subject. And I came up with a couple of titles, and I thought we can either do dating horror stories or sacred and single. So I kind of want your feedback on this.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

I'm gonna say horror, the word and dating, it's you know so scary. And so then the negative connotation, I'm gonna stick with sacred, single, and let's add secure and sexy. Come on, sassy. Yes, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

All the things we are all those things. And so both of us, we share some similar background. We were in longtime marriages, and now we find ourselves single and sexy and in Miami. And you know, but before we were married, we had some real uh kind of the a similar stance and commitments that we had made to God. And so I kind of want you to open up with our pre-marriage story. What what does yours look like?

SPEAKER_01 3:31

So mine, I, you know, it was instilled in me as a very as a child, um, that I mean, not I'm not gonna say a child, but probably around 12 years old, my grandmother and my mother both, it was very important that um that I knew how important my virginity was. That it was just a very important thing. Yeah. And to be um protected. And um, my mother was a virgin when she got married, and so that was a really good example of what of how the fact that you can do it, yeah. And um and and and be able to, you know, be with your first in in at your wedding night, you know, that's just a beautiful thing. So that example really helped me.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Yeah. So you committed to that, yeah, and stayed, stayed the route. So my story's a little different. Um, my mom was very candid about her growing up at 15, the first time that she had sex, she ends up pregnant with my sister and by 19, meets my dad at a party, gets pregnant with twins, and so by 19 has three kids. But uh I came to find uh the Lord at 12, uh 12. And I really, my youth pastor instilled in me the you know, staying abstinent, you know, like purity rings, living a pure life. And I vowed before God that I would be a virgin, and I also upheld that vow. Now I'm the mom of two kids, and we've had these talks now of your body is a temple and uh and the Holy Spirit, God, God lives in this body, and so we want to honor God with all that we are. And I've told them we want to make sure that we're living pure lives. And my daughter, she's been in a two-year relationship already, but vowed that she will be a virgin, and my son this the same. Um, he's at the beginning stages of dating. And so um we both took these vows and then we go into marriage, and we obviously, as married women do, it's you know, very intimacy, sex, it's easily accessible within the boundaries of marriage. We are, you know, used to that. And now we find ourselves after long marriages, single. And so what did that look like for you as a newly single woman?

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Yeah. Um, I knew that I couldn't get divorced, that it wasn't like I I knew enough about the my Christian faith. I wasn't I wasn't a real practicing Christian, but I knew that divorce wasn't an option. But when he mentioned it, I thought, I'm free. Okay, okay. So he wanted to to be divorced. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And so that was kind of my because I really had every intention of staying in that marriage. And so when that happened, I truly felt God saying, It's okay. Like I really felt that. And so I had fun. Like I I moved into a little apartment, I had chandeliers, I had the perfect Z gallery furniture. It was like a girl's glam house. Yeah. And I can imagine, knowing you, I I know, I know totally checked out. And it was fun. It was fun to just sit there with my, you know, the remote. I can do whatever I want, watch whatever I want.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Taste, first taste of freedom, really.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Yes, yes. And the thought of even going out was not even an option. It was just lifetime, you know, hanging out with my girlfriends. All my friends were still were still married at that time. Um, so that was about six months, and then the reality hits. The reality hits because it's like, you know, it's like I had it was 14 years of marriage, so it's like it was very accessible at the moment. Yeah, yeah. Sex is what I'm talking about. Yeah. And so when that um, you know, what when I was married, it was, you know, I don't want to, I have a headache, blah, blah, blah, dah da. But it still happened, you know. Yeah, right. But I think there's something about us that once you, I mean, what happened to me was once it I saw that it just wasn't available anymore. Yeah, we're you start to crave it. You're like, I need this. Yeah. And you don't know, you know, you don't know. Yeah. But it's like we're women now, you know, and it's and it's it and it's we know, you know, it's like we've been in that world and we've really No, you've tasted it, and so it's hard to live a life without it.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

And I think a lot of people that find themselves single now and they've been divorced, they're in that same boat.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Yeah, yeah. And so I, it was six months after my divorce. It was about a year after my divorce because we were already separated. And um I got into the apps and I got onto one because they didn't have free apps back then. You know, it was, you know, you pay for the membership, I got the cheapest membership. And um, wow, the I mean, bombarding of emails because I didn't know, and now I know that you know, it's when you're new on those things, it's like your face is the first one to pop up. And so all these people are, you know, seeing firsthand yeah, your fresh, fresh meat on the market, right? Exactly. Exactly. And so I was getting 20, you know, 20 emails a day or whatever. And I thought, wow, I can have a lot of fun in this world. Yeah. And so I really didn't entertain it too much. I mean, I looked a little bit, but there was one person that we, you know, he looked like what you wanted. Yeah, he got my attention, he was attractive, he was an older man, very successful, kind of what I was married to.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

Right, you know, so you find yourself looking for what you had in the marriage in somebody else, so not in a safe choice to you, I would say exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

And so um he courted me. I mean, he really did a good job of courting me. He asked me out to dinner or lunch the first time to a restaurant. We sat down, we had um lunch, and it was about two hours, and we just talked back and forth. Yeah, I wasn't I didn't like him that much, yeah. Um, but he was very into me. Like he wanted to not go a weekend without seeing me.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

It was kind of like that, and that kind of attention can be exhilarating. I've been there, I've uh experienced that where someone's giving you all the attention, and even like on the dating apps, all of a sudden you're being bombarded with all of this attention, and we're single, and you're like, I like this, I like this feeling.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah, yeah. And um, you know, going out to dinners, I used to have to beg for that. And I was gonna say that.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

So some lack that might have been in the marriage all of a sudden is being met through all of these guys giving you that attention, and that's something new for us. I experienced that as well.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Yeah, yeah. And uh it was the very first person, you know, took he he acted as if he was going to, you know, ask for you know, my hand in marriage. Like he really acted that way. Um, I have always been a Christian, but I wasn't a I wasn't really practicing Christianity. And so I didn't know um how to approach the sex part of it. You know, I I thought to myself, if I tell this grown man, you know, I'm not having sex, yeah. Um I it just wasn't even a conversation. I thought I'm out, you know, let's get to know each other, let's see what happens. There's chemistry, clearly. Yeah, um, but that's not something we're gonna talk about right now. And he was very good about that. He was very good at you know, letting me have my space. But, you know, three months in, it's almost like this is what happens, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

And so I he like it's very normal, it's very much the standard that within the next first two or three months, you're definitely I would say in today's day and age, people are sleeping together.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yes, yes. And he made it, he went as far as you know, making uh making room in his in his condo for me. Uh he was bringing you into his life. Yes, yes. And I had my own set my own part of the sink and all this other stuff. And I'm thinking to myself, well, this looks like this might be marriage, you know. And I was very exclusive. I thought he looked like it was very exclusive as well because very attentive, never didn't respond, always texted me. It was just very hands-on. Yeah. Um, right after the three months, the text, like one text went one day without responding. And I was at a girlfriend's house who all my friends were still married at the time. And it was just one of my friends that had already gone through divorce, and she looked at me and she said, Not a good sign. Wow. And you're in shock. And I'm in shock. I'm in shock. And so I felt it. She didn't even have to tell me that. I mean, w woman women's intuition, it's weird. It's a thing. It's hard to go with that, because it really is a thing. And um, and then he responded to me the next day very nonchalantly. I don't know what happened, just kind of that attitude. Oh wow. My heart fell to the floor. My heart fell to the floor. I was so, I mean, I I'm not a virgin, but I was a virgin, like in this world of I mean, my mentality is still of 21. Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

You're you're still looking at being with someone as, and you and I have had this discussion. Every single person since we've been single that we've dated, we've come at it with the lens of, oh, this could be my future partner. Yeah. Because that's really the desire of our heart. We want to be in partnership, which means marriage and commitment for us. So you went into it with a completely different idea than he did. And you had a nice, you had a name for him. What'd you call him? You come to find out he's a what?

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Uh, he was a serial dater. I mean, he was serious a serial dater. And, you know, I I have to backtrack. I I wasn't really looking for a husband because I had been married and I knew, but I wanted to date. Right. You know, I wanted to be courted, I wanted to go out to dinners, I wanted to go on vacations. You know, he was talking about let's go to Bimini in the boat. Build a life with him, have some kind of life. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I was married to somebody who wasn't a Christian and we did just fine. Yeah. So I thought, we'll we'll just keep doing that. And so when that happened, it I went into a very dark space because he just stopped responding. And I went crazy because I couldn't believe that this was happening. I just didn't know. I had no idea that people have the capability of doing that.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

And I think that's very common now, serial dating. Yeah. That you you and I both encountered this, where people are just looking for like a temporary fix, people using people, just hooking up. This is very common. And you and I were so unaware of that that that this is a thing. So what happens next?

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Um, so I I I knew about Christianity, I had faith, I just really wasn't ready. Um, but at that moment, I knew I this is not gonna go good in my head. Like I went into a deep, deep pit and it was like I couldn't get out. Like I was in fatal position. I, you know, uh my friends had to come and visit me. It was just very challenging. And uh I crawled into the church. I crawled into a little church right next to my house. It was a little chapel, it was a Baptist church. I walked right in there and said, I don't know what I'm doing here, but this is where I'm gonna be. And I remember the pastor looking right at me, like it was a very small church. And I got very connected immediately because I just wanted to feel better.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

And thank you, Jesus, for the things that break us and bring us into his presence. I every single time would say, Thank you, Jesus. If it was the heartbreak or the rejection, and it brought me into the presence of God, I'm so thankful. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah. And so I started opening up to God, um, but this problem was still hurting. Like, you know, yeah, the breakup is a really painful we don't allow ourselves to go through it. You know, I mean, I I didn't like to have to deal with a breakup. So I would find ways. Like I would spend money, I would go to, you know, I would do things to but then I went back into the apps and that was my mistake. I should have just closed that door and just not reopened it.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

And almost it sounds like you're reaching for something to fill this this hurt in you, this pain, whether it was shopping or you know, going out or you know, uh going into the apps, you were looking and reaching for something to fill that.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

I I wasn't, I mean, I was not healed from my divorce. Right. Even though I walked away, you know, jumping up in for joy, yeah. That was a very challenging 14 months. I mean, it was my entire life with this one person. 14 years. Sorry, 14 years with this one person who wasn't, you know, uh had his way of manipulating. You know, it's like there wasn't it wasn't perfect. And so it was psychologically, I had to, it was very scary because I thought to myself, I just wanted to let me get it right, you know, let me get it right, you know, and I would just keep doing it and not in a very innocent way. Like it was very slow that process. When I saw that what I I saw the first one didn't work out, and I can get on the app again and I can meet somebody again. I thought to myself, well, okay, well, maybe I can do this. But then that became, you know, I would go three months without dating anybody. I would get stuck in a a little roller coaster with another toxic person, and I would find and I I, you know, I had this toxic peace, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

Yeah, it's like a habit or an addiction that you just keep going back to. And you you mentioned to me it was a different uh uh face but the same actions, you know, a different body but the same actions. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

And I thought like cycles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought I was at peace, but it wasn't. It was a very toxic piece because it was almost like I don't want to feel the pain. And so I saw after three months, because that's usually the time limit, uh, after three months, I would do not sleeping with them. I would do, you know, six months not sleeping with them. Let me sleep with them one night and see maybe that, you know, maybe I'll change them, you know. And so it was this thing, and and again, I wasn't, I really wasn't having a lot of, I wasn't being very intimate with everybody. Like I wasn't doing that because I I I mean moral-wise, you're trying to fix the situation unhealed still. Exactly. You still haven't healed. Exactly. And so um, I went to therapy and I told I spoke to a therapist and I told her, you know, I don't know why this keeps happening. And one thing that she told me that really brought light to me was you have the mentality of a 21-year-old, you're still with the age of when you married.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

That's really good. And how many people are stuck in that mentality, which we're gonna touch on uh also further down, is a lot of people haven't matured beyond that point. So you had this, it was a place where you needed to mature and progress, but it was it was an innocent place, you know. Really, you were like coming from an innocent place, but um, so my you know, my story is that I come out of this marriage and it's a 16-year marriage, and I'm a pastor's wife, and I have lived, no one would have ever imagined trying to hit on me or anything. And so I all of a sudden am single in Miami, and I I remember my first experiences, I'm completely vulnerable, absolutely unhealed. And I meet this guy, and he just again, so he looks successful, he is attractive, he looks like all the things that I would want. And we start, we exchange phone numbers and we're texting, and we would text and he would be like, I need you. We were praying together. He said he was a Christ follower. He had gone through a divorce as well. So we bonded over that. And there was this emotional connection. So I'm emotionally bonding with someone. We weren't really hanging out. Well, I think one time he invited me to his office. I did go up there, but it would go, and then it would be like a week, and I wouldn't hear anything from him. And I'm like, what is happening? That's always that's a bad sign, right? Yeah. So he he would, but then he'd reach back out and say, I need you in my life, and I would block him and I would unblock him, it was just already very, very toxic. Well, one day, as you know, this is progressing, he starts messaging me. And we're about three-fourths of the way into this conversation, and I realized he's sexting me. And I'm so naive. I have no idea what this is, I have no idea how to encounter it. And um, he ended up apologizing, but shortly thereafter, he tells me, he's like, Christine, I need to come over to your house and like, let's just have a heart talk, let's talk. So, six months in, he comes over and we talk for like two hours, and he just tells me his whole life story, which also, by the way, involved a lot of trauma. And he was like, um, you know, he had just slept with tons of people and he just tells me his entire story, and it was just really rooted in trauma. But what he ends up telling me that I didn't know this entire time was that he's living with his baby mama, and more common than we think. Yeah. And I think this is happening all over the place. Um, now, you know, here quite a few years later, I realize this is happening uh to so many women that I know, and other people have tried to do it to me, but I'm in shock that why did you not just six months ago tell me that you were with someone? Because I would have never even given this any time. I wouldn't have given this a second thought. But it also was a wake-up call for me that I was so unhealed. And the fact that I was trying to emotionally bond with someone who would ghost me for a week, that is not healthy. That is not success criteria. And then my next experience, I go on the apps because everybody's like, go on the apps, you'll meet people. So I'm on Facebook dating. Super hot guy reaches out to me and he's like, So, Christine, I'm attracted to you. I seem like a really nice guy. I would like to take you to dinner, see if there's chemistry, but I want to be upfront with you. I am happily married, and my wife is completely on board with this. So I respond to him, we're just gonna call him Joe. And I'm like, Joe, what in the heck? Absolutely. Um, I need to. To need to tell you, I don't know what trauma happened to you as a child, but you need to go fix it and you need to go back and be the husband and father that you need to be. And his response was, I'm so sorry if I offended you. I'm like, you didn't offend me. Just go get healed. And um, so that was a huge red flag. And then I know one of the other big things that was happening was these people would reach out to me on, and it was even someone that I'd met in person. So they're texting me and then, or through the app, messaging me, and they're like, oh, message me over on WhatsApp. Well, I'm like, I just have zero desire to be anybody's sneaky link. Like, I do not want to be that person. So, you know, that is to me a huge red flag of people being discontent and trying to have like they're not fulfilled, something's there lacking, where or or they've given themselves over to, you know, perversion or open doors that shouldn't be opened, and they want to have a little side thing happening. And I'm not about that. But I think we have to be very aware that that is a thing in our world. And so, um present day, you you get through this where you've gone to you've come into the church and you've started to surrender to God. You were dating, but let's what happens after that for you to bring us up to present day? Where are you at?

SPEAKER_01 23:24

I um I had one final breakup. You know, it was the first breakup was very hard. The last breakup that I was the only person I had introduced to my family besides my ex-husband, almost took me out. Like it was so it was so, so painful. Um and so at that. And you felt like you were in love with him and oh yeah. I mean, we had rings and everything. Yeah. So very serious. Yeah. And so um but he, you know, unfortunately, he was broken, just like me. I was a I was very broken at that moment. And so we broke it off and I I was still, you know, drinking at that moment, but it was I four years ago, I stopped dating altogether because I saw that the alcohol had was becoming a problem. It was like slowly becoming a problem because it wasn't that much of a problem. And so I thought, well, maybe if I stop dating, this problem will stop. Um, and so that was the beginning stages of okay, I can stop having sex. I can actually because anything can become obsessive. Yeah. I came from morals, right in in my never would I have done that in the past.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

But unfortunately, we open the door and those doors uh give way to other doors and things that we wouldn't have done or we would have been convicted about in the past. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

And so But it's the small foxes that ruin the body. Exactly. And so, you know, I God always brought to my attention a lot. Proverbs 31, 15, I think it is. And you know, charm is deceitful, beauty is passing, but a woman that feels fears the Lord, I never took the fear the Lord part seriously. Yeah, I used my charm, I used my beauty for the wrong reasons, and not intentionally, but I saw now that this was getting the attention, and so I was really manipulating not consciously just because God wasn't filling that hole. Yeah, and so, but he always brought that to my attention and it was a conviction, like he truly convicted me because I I still wanted to. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we came, you know, it was quite a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

We're human, god, God created, especially when they started. I especially had a guy that I was dating say, you can do this because God created it and we were made to create.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

And I'm like, buddy, no, we're like, we're not doing this. Exactly. And so it's like I really started to take to take that the you know, God created us, He created this, and I really started valuing my spirit life, yeah. My soul, you know, it's like I started feeling real deeply now.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Um, and I didn't need an I didn't need another man. You know, it's like I kept thinking that I'm feeling deeply because I'm it was a superficial um mask because it wasn't the real thing. Right. And so the more I invested in God, the more I I and it was very slow, you know, it was very slow. Um He convicted me. He convicted me. The last I haven't um I've been celibate for four years. Amen. Come on, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

And it's not and it's not easy, it's not easy. I we've talked about this. I know over the the last year, I have been asked out by the most attractive men that I've ever been asked out in my life. And temptation is real. Yeah, the devil is a liar, and the truth is and it'll look good. It will look, it looks really good, you know. And um I I like what you said about Proverbs, that fear of the Lord. And for me, that's been a motivation of one, my children are a motivation because I'm not gonna have anybody over staying the night at my house. I'm not gonna be staying the night over at anybody's house. That holds me to a high accountability. But I have shared this with you that I have a real fear that if I compromise on this, this thing, that I believe God has an anointing on my life. I believe that God has set us apart and he has called us. We we are his masterpieces, we are his creation. And I have a real fear that if in this area I compromise, that anointing could be taken off my life. And I've lived and operated out of that place of fear, but man, it's not, it comes at a cost. And you and I have had some multiple conversations of like we're not giving up what? What what do you like to share with?

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Not giving up the cookie, not giving up the cookie. I mean, I, you know, I was in ministry and I the the anointing was still there. I mean, lives were being changed. I was where I was in prison ministries, yeah. I was doing stuff, yeah, and still had this little problem with not so that scared me. Yeah the fact that he still anointed me and I was living a you know, and how many people are, you know, like maybe compromising.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Uh I know I've heard m many times it said that, you know, God God doesn't revoke the gifts that He puts on us, He doesn't revoke the calling.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

And so I um uh I missed the question. Sorry. So we we talked, we've discussed multiple times of like why shouldn't we give up the cookie? And um what what kind of when we do and this trend in society of hooking up and one night stands and all the things is um where where does that really lead men to end up and where does it leave women? Where where does it where's everybody stand with this?

SPEAKER_01 29:09

So that's I I can only be my I can only live by my experience. I'm grateful to God that I've been given an experience to be able to talk about it. Yeah, um I I knew that giving up the cookie was the game was over if I started doing if I kept doing that. Yeah. So I had to stop. I had to because it um I was not feeling good about that. You had to draw that line in the sand. Especially that I am reading the Bible, I'm in the word, and even though it wasn't at this point, it was less and less, it was still happening. Yeah, you know, I would still innocently meet a person, innocently spend time with them, innocently, you know, uh be in that predicament and things could happen.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

So I I had to draw a fine line and say, I cannot for you, for your walk with God, exactly for you to be not feel like a hypocrite, you know, to be the woman of God that he's called you to be.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

And he he convicted me. He took the desire. I mean, he takes the desire away, yeah, you know, but he allows it to still happen you know, to stay.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

And that happens when we get into God's presence where we actually submit to him, where he can speak to us and he can convict us, which is so important while we are living those lives.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

And so I what I do now is I I test, I tell, I mean, God's is clear, test the spirit, you know. So I will have a conversation with a very attractive man. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's like, sure, let's talk. And um, and sometimes I'll talk, you know, New Year's Eve, you know, it's like there was an hour conversation, and I was able to talk to a person and really talk. And I thought to myself, and he asked me for my number, and I said, you know what? This looks like you know, this conversation has flown, like it was flowing very nicely. Yeah, there was there was um you know, Christian morals, right? Yeah, and so it looked like it could be a love connection, it could be a life connection. Yeah, and then it it only takes a couple couple calls, it only takes a couple visits to know if a person is really what their intention is. And if they're asking you over to the to come to your house, yeah that that's that pretty much is clear to me that I I can't change this person. That that's where I have to draw the line and know that I can let them in so that they can see me, so that they can know, okay, no, okay, we won't do the cookie thing and I'll invest in you. Yeah. And some people will. Right. That's the scary part too, because some people will invest. Um, but now what I do is I look, I look at, I truly try to look at where they are spiritually. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

That's are they mature? And the problem we've talked about with I I loved it. You sent me a Charlie Kirk video a while back. And in the video, he's talking about that we have this epidemic in society where everybody's just women have started to just give it away. And as a result, men are grown-up babies, they're getting everything they wanted, which is sex, and they don't have to have any level of commitment, any level of like, hey, let's get married, let's make this official. And then as a result, a lot of women are really being heartbroken and hurt, and they're settling for less than what God wanted us to have, which is a union. Yeah. And the two becoming one. I we believe you and I still believe in the premise and the promise of marriage and lifelong partnership. That's where we are headed. So um I like something that you said. You said, I really believe God's forming us into this perfect little package.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Tell me about that. I mean, I think because what's happen, what I see is happening is if if I were to tell a person that, you know, is a serial dater, I'm I'm celibate, yeah, you'll know pretty if they disappear, yeah, you know pretty, and sometimes I do. I'm honest about that. I don't say I'm not having sex. I don't say what I say is I've been celibate for several years. So that's a good indication that you're gonna have to work for it. Yeah, I mean, and I don't, and it doesn't have to be that way because I it's not a power trip, it's not, you know, we have, you know, w w woman's lib, none of that. It's it's coming to a place where I truly had to value what this was that he gave me. Every hair. Every hair. Amen. And so I had to really look through it in the way I think Jesus is looking at it. You know, it's like he's really valuing this. And so I don't, I really look at men and it's not all their fault. Yeah, it's not all their fault. If they're not gonna get it from me, there's 10 girls ready. Right. And I don't think it becomes this thing of I'll get him or any of that. No, no, no. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

We're all looking, in my opinion, there's a there's a artist that I love, and she sings a song about this God-shaped hole. We're all looking for something to fill that longing inside of us, and most people find it through this physical connection. And even if it lasts, so many people are willing that even if it lasts for just a couple of minutes, that fills this longing. And what it is, is it's a longing for love. And oftentimes it's a longing that only God can fill, but we're willing to take this time to hook up or, you know, make it a momentary instant gratification because we we want that longing to be filled up. I, you know, you and I both came from a day and age when we were dating when we were younger, that men would they would call you on the phone and then they would make a plan for a date and they would show up to your house in their car and they would bring you flowers and they would take you to dinner or they would plan an activity. And I'm gonna be honest, Laura, I'm still looking for that. I don't think chivalry is dead. Now, I can say honestly, I have not been in love again. I have not experienced it within the context of dating, but that is the prayer and the cry of my heart. And I really had this revelation that I shared with you. God, I want my best friend. I want to know him. I want him to desire to know me. And I want us to connect in our humor and in our love for food and in our love for fitness and all the things that we can connect in. I want him to desire to know the thoughts in my mind and that best friend kind of thing. And I would say for you, you know, I've shared this with you. I pray for you as one of my best friends and for my best friends and for myself. I pray often, and I speak this over your life that Laura, you are an anointed woman of God, and you're so beautiful, and you've set yourself apart that God is going to bring you the man of your dreams. God is going to, you are this perfect little package with a bow on top. And God is going to bring that man of God. For me, it's been seven years, seven years in waiting. And seven is a biblical number, and we know this. God is a redeemer of all things. But when I pray for you guys, I imagine you and me at the altar, and we are in white, and we are the bride of Christ. We are pure, we are blameless. And that man, that nameless, faceless man, is standing there beside us, and he is the partner that God created for us. And I really believe that. And I speak that over your life today. And thank you for sharing. Um, I am so appreciative for your heart, for how you've chosen to be set apart, how you've chosen to remain holy in the word. And what I'd like to do is I want to pray a prayer. Okay. We're going to pray over everybody. But I was in the car and I prayed. Have you prayed those specific prayers for your future husband?

SPEAKER_01 37:27

You have your list, right? I I to I pray um at your perfect timing because life is really good right now. I'm just gonna throw up that disclaimer up. Hey, I'm in no rush unless he unless he's ready. But you like it. I like it.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

And you said that. You said something that you've seen with your mom. She just chose not to remarry and to stay single. And she is is very happy with that decision. And that may be for some people. Yeah. Um, I pray to God it's not for me. I want, I want to be in partnership. But I was in the car a while back and I'm driving down the road and I'm thinking, man, sometimes I feel like I've settled for this, I've settled for that, which is not God's very best for me. But in my heart of hearts, I still have the desire to meet that man of God. And as I'm on my way to do my taxes, I just begin to pray and I began to um cry out to God. So that's the prayer I'm gonna pray tonight. So we're gonna pray and then we're gonna pray this general prayer for everybody that's listening. So let's pray. Father God, Lord, we love you. We thank you. You are so good. You are a faithful father. You are so good. Um, Lord, we thank you for your grace, God, for your everlasting mercy, Lord, for your unmerited favor and Jesus for your love that floods over and through us, God. But right now, Lord, I pray in the mighty name of Jesus for my future husband. God, I pray that wherever he's at, he is on his knees. He has made you the priority of his life. When he wakes up in the morning, I pray that he says, God, you are the breath in my lungs. God, I hunger and thirst for righteousness. God, you are what I want more than anything. And I pray wherever he is, he's praying for me. God, I pray that he's a man of the word. I pray that he's a righteous man. I pray that he is holy. I pray that he's a man after your heart. God, I pray that he's financially responsible. God, I pray that he's a man of integrity and character. Jesus, I pray that he is a man that knows how to love others well, that he is kind. God, that um he is good, that he's generous. Lord, and I just pray that he would be able to see my true value. God, that he would see everything that you've created me to be. Lord, that I would be like a prize to him. And God, even though we can't perfect one another, God, we can add value by giving generously to one another. God, I pray for the best intimate, intimacy life that I've ever experienced in my life, because God, intimacy, sex, it's from you. And God, I believe that you are a God that gives us the desires of our heart. You said in your word, if we'll knock, if we'll seek, if we'll ask, then God, the door will be open. And that's the kind of God that you are. So, God, I pray right now for every single person that's listening, wherever they find themselves, maybe they're navigating post-divorce and they're filled with heartbreak. Maybe they've lost hope. God, I pray that you would remind them who they are. God, that you would remind them that they are masterpieces. God, that they are lovely, that they are valued. God, that they would begin to see that their identity is in you. And God, you only make good things. Lord, I pray that you would remind them of the promises over their lives. God, that the two can become one. And that is what you intended for marriage. Lord, I pray that you would strengthen them, that they would not compromise. God, whatever the shame may be of the past, that you would shed it off of them. And God, that today would be a new day, that all things would be made new, and that a river of life would flow through them. God, we thank you that you will restore the years that the locust has eaten. And God, that we'll be at the altar with that future partner. And God, that it will be holy, it will be pure, it will be consecrated. God, we give you the glory. I pray, Lord, for every desire that's in Laura's heart and every desire of the listeners today. God, we give you the honor and we give you the praise. Thank you for your goodness in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.

unknown 41:36

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Laura, thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Thank you for having me. It's been great.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Thank you for everything that you shared and for how far you've come in your journey. And I believe the best is ahead for you and for me and for every person that finds themselves in a season of singleness. But you're the best. I love you. You're my sister. And I'm very thankful for your life. If this conversation resonated with you, it would mean a lot to us if you could subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcasts. This has been Red Flags in Redemption.