Entry 13 Grace, Gratitude & Getting Through Motherhood W/SARAH

Motherhood is beautiful, but the mental load can be overwhelming.

In this heartfelt conversation, my guest Sarah and I dive into the realities of motherhood that often go unseen—burnout, overstimulation, the pressure to do it all, and the challenge of making space for yourself amidst the demands of everyday life.

Sarah shares her journey of choosing grace over perfection and how incorporating manifestation into her motherhood journey has helped her find more peace, intention, and joy. Together, we explore what it looks like to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, and why giving yourself permission to slow down can be one of the most powerful things you do as a mom.

✨ This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to carry it all alone.
🌼If this episode speaks to you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with a mama who might need this reminder today. Your support helps this podcast reach more women who need to feel seen and understood. 🤎

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Welcome back to Motherhood Diaries. Today is a very special episode because I have someone very special next to me. This mama is someone who has walked through so many stages of my life with me and who is a woman of God and a mother who I admire so much. With me today is my sweet cousin Sarah. So hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

That was very sweet of you. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Well, I'm so excited to have you on. We've talked about this since I started my podcast, and you have your own podcast. So I just felt like it was time to make this happen.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I'm so glad that we did it.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Kind of a little like cute story on this episode. We took a little mom gate away to make this episode happen.

unknown 1:00

We did.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

So not only are we recording, but we had a night away. We got junk food, we went out to eat, we stayed in a hotel. It was marvelous. We filled our cups, it was great. So, and it was your idea. So thank you for pulling that all together.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

I'm just so glad that we made it happen and we got to see each other and we just had so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

So, to start out, I kind of like everyone to get to know who's with me. So I have a few questions if you're up for it. I'm always up for it. Alright, so one word to describe your current season of motherhood.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

I would say becoming. Like I just feel like um we're always growing and stretching, and there's always like a new level of motherhood. And right now I just feel like I'm in that stage of becoming more and be called to more.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Oh my gosh, I love that so much. Um, go to mom survival snack or drink, or both. Because I have both.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Um let's see, coconut cream Dr. Pepper is my drink. Classic. I'm drinking that. You know, it's probably been a bit. Um for a snack. Ooh, I like the nacho cheese Doritos. Oh, yeah. Guilty pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

But you can never go wrong with those. One item always in your mom bag. Snacks. Snacks. If we don't have snacks, then we're going home. Mama needs her food. Favorite way to get a small break.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Um, pretending to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Do you take your phone with you? Oh yeah. Of course.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

I mean, I try to just like take some breaths and like just be for a second and just enjoy the silence until two seconds later they start knocking on the door. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Mine is my closet. I love it. That's smart. Y'all bathroom made me think of like I'll run to my room, you know, and my closet is in that same area. Yeah. So I'll just sit on my closet floor and I'm like, this is kind of sad, but also like so quiet and relaxing.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

It's less obvious if like they wouldn't run for you.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Exactly. That's smart. Um, something your child has taught you recently.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Um, well, just the other day I had a moment with Liam where he was kind of acting out, and I was frustrated. Um, and it was kind of like getting after him, and then I just stopped for a minute. I was like, okay, I need to just like see what's going on with him because obviously, like one of his needs aren't being met, and I just need to understand where he's coming from. And so I was like, Hey Liam, like what's going on? How can I help you? And he was like, I just want to spend time with you, mom. And for me, that was like just such a huge like blessing and a lesson that I just needed to slow down and spend time with him and be with him.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

That's huge. It's amazing when we slow down and listen to our kids, the things that we miss, like the things we can learn. And it's usually simple. Yeah. Like so simple. Yeah. So last question What do you love most about the current stage motherhood that you are in?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Ooh, I love seeing my boys interact with each other. So they're four years apart. Um, I have a six-year-old and a two-year-old, and they're just in such a fun stage right now where they're like playing chase with each other, they're they're interacting more and like playing with each other more. They're becoming little friends, yeah. And it's just really cute to see that bond.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

That is huge, and that's so rewarding as a mom, too, to be like, oh, I created little friends.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

It's the best.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

So motherhood is beautiful, um, but it can also be so mentally exhausting in ways that nobody really prepares you for. Um, so today me and Sarah kind of came together and picked this topic, and we're gonna talk about the mental load that moms carry, the burnout, the overstimulation, uh, small ways that we can make time for ourselves, slow down, like you mentioned. Yeah. And so the just kind of going with our um title today is Grace, Gratitude, and getting through this mom thing. So what let's kind of start with the mental load of motherhood and what that can actually feel like. So, in your motherhood journey, when did you first realize that? Like, when did it hit you like, oh, this can actually really affect me? Like, my mental load is heavy.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Pregnancy?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

No, the first the first child.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Definitely the first child. Okay. Um, so I was 21 when I had my first baby and it was not planned. So it was kind of a a surprise to us both. I was still in school, my husband was still in school, and so it was just kind of like a Oh, we've got to do this. It was yeah, it was like a wake-up call, like, okay, like let's get our crap together.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Go time.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Like we were both very excited. We've both always wanted kids, but it just, you know, the timing was a little different than we planned. Um, so that added a little bit of like stress. And then um we had him February 2020, and so it was like right before the world shut down and all the craziness. And honestly, it just felt like as soon as I had that baby, like it was just craziness after craziness. I mean, I was learning all these new things, and it just was a big transition for me. So right from the get-go for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Yeah, I would say for me, I mean, our journey obviously was a little different because we were kind of like we chose to go into mom and dad mode, right? Yeah, and so I feel like the mental load didn't really hit until we had for us, it was our second. And I was like, Oh, there's multiple of you, and like you're all you're all here forever, and we're doing this forever, and like that's when it hit me. So um, what does that kind of look like when you're feeling that mental heaviness, that load is like way too much? When do you start seeing those signs in yourself of like, whoa, it's a heavy week or a heavy day? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

I mean, I kind of have to be careful, honestly, because I can kind of go into a slump or like a dark place. Yeah, and so I just have to kind of be aware of myself, like notice the things I'm doing every day. Because sometimes, you know, you're just kind of on autopilot, like you're in just go mode. And so sometimes it's just noticing, like, oh hey, do you notice how like you didn't brush your teeth this morning? I don't know, simple things where it's like, oh yeah, like you're kind of forgetting yourself. Yeah, I'm kind of just I don't know, blacking out here, and I need to come back and like recenter.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

For sure. What are some things that you do when you see that? Like, what are some things that you do to recenter, like you mentioned?

unknown 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

So um for me, I try to first I just try to be very aware of what I'm doing and like not be judgmental to myself about it. Just be like, oh hey, like I just noticed we've been doing this. I know it's weird. I have a conversation with myself in my head.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

And my uh it's not weird. What was my name? I was trying to I have like a a name for my thoughts that are crazy because it's like the sassy part of me.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

It's like a different you're altered.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

It's like I I'm now I'm like, oh, it's Victoria. I was like, what is my dang girl? What is it? I'm obsessed with that. I'm like, Victoria's going crazy today, but no. We're just trying to like have fun with it and not be like, girl, chill out. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, okay, like we're just gonna, we're just gonna flow with this and then we're gonna try and like pivot a little bit. Like, oh my gosh, I'm not gonna give a hard time yet.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Yes, yes. And that's like huge because sometimes in motherhood we really do feel so lonely that we don't have those conversations and we don't have people to have those conversations with. It's like checking with yourself and knowing like I can have a conversation with myself and be like, girl, you're not you're not doing it right now. Like, let's check this out.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

But then so to kind of like answer your question further, after I've like realized, okay, you're going crazy, then it's kind of just like trying to like take some deep breaths and regulate and like be like, why is this bothering me? What can we do to like yeah, I don't know, step out of it, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Be aware of yourself. Okay, continuing the topic on self-care and being self-aware and doing things for yourself. Something that you have brought up to me before that also something I haven't thought about doing or I'm kind of new to, yeah. Is manifestation, breath work, all of that energy.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Dive into that. Like what got you there? Why do you use that and motherhood practice that and what difference have you seen?

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yeah, basically I just realized that I was living on autopilot a lot. Like I wasn't really being present, being aware, being being there in my life. Um, and learning about like how our thoughts um affect how we feel, which then affects our actions, which then affects like the results of our life. And so and then realizing like the different thoughts we think creates different, like basically chemicals in our body. We release dopamine or serotonin or cortisol, which cortisol creates inflammation. Um, it makes you it's like addictive. It's more addictive than nicotine.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Um, but it's yeah, it basically makes you feel like crap, but we're all addicted to it, which is really interesting. Like we're kind of addicted to feeling like crap.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

I t yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

You know what I mean? Like we like we'll feel really happy and they're like, wait, like I shouldn't be feeling happy right now. You know what I mean? Like it's like, um, why am I feeling so happy? It doesn't feel safe because I'm not used to it, right? And so basically, like the journey I've been on is just being more self-aware, being um more present in my life. Um, and like meditation and mindfulness is kind of like the practice of being aware, like being aware of your thoughts and not being judgmental with yourself. It's just like knowing that your brain is gonna think thoughts. That's what your brain does. Yeah, um, but remembering that like I am actually a spirit, like I'm a I am a being, yeah, and there's so much like knowledge and wisdom in like in my heart. Does that make sense? So it's like sitting with that and just like the feeling, like sitting into the feeling of like I am here, I am alive, like I am on a journey, I'm on a mission here. I have an assignment from God here on this earth. Like just really reminding yourself your words, yeah, and like trying to quiet the crazy thoughts. Like, obviously, they're always gonna be there, but it's just like redirecting, redirecting.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

That's huge. I think as parents, often we're focused on redirecting our kids, their thoughts, their behaviors. But to turn that around on ourselves and like recognize that we have the power to do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Like sometimes we have to parent ourselves, you know. Yeah, like it's I totally have like the little kid in me, and then like the grown-up that's like, okay, like that's calm down. Get out of the driver's seat, I'm gonna drive now. Um, it's just kind of no, I love that. Um, what are daily practices that you do? Yeah. So every morning I listen to like a really short meditation where I just close my eyes, like take a couple deep breaths, and then I just kind of like um listen, feel, try to like open, open myself up to to possibility and just to like set yourself up present. Yeah, being more present. Um when I feel stressed out, I like to take deep breaths. Um, I think a lot of it too is just like realizing that sometimes you've got to shift your energy. Like if you are it stuck in a mood um or or I don't know, having a day, it's like, you know what, I just need to like shift this energy out. So either remembering you can do that. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Just because you woke up with that bad attitude doesn't mean you can't change it.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Absolutely. Yeah. Like going for a walk, doing a workout, um, just breath work even, um having a gratitude practice. Like all of those things can shift you from that state of being stuck or groggy or grouchy to feeling peaceful and calm and open.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

I love it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Another big one that you kind of touched on, and I'm and I'm getting from you is giving yourself that grace. Because I think sometimes we can have those conversations with ourselves and be like, oh my gosh, what is my deal today?

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Like, why am like, okay, I see what I'm doing, like that is so ridiculous of me.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

And I have lived most of my life that way, like being really, really hard on myself. Yeah. And it's just not fun and it's not productive. It doesn't help.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

So I'm like, Why are we doing that?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

We're just gonna have some fun and just be here. Or talk to Victoria about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, exactly. So a big one for me when I feel that mental load being heavy, and I'm like, okay, we gotta change something because I'm on this, I'm on this track to like burnout, right? Yeah, self-care is a big one for me.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

I think something that us moms forget to do is make space for ourselves and we get into that day-to-day. So diving into that and why self-care is necessary and not selfish. Do you want to touch on that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 12:56

I love that topic because um it took me like a really long time to be like, okay, I have to actually take care of myself, like self-care, fill my tank up first because I show up as such a better mom and better wife when I do that. It's like it's not really an option anymore. You know, it's not like oh, you're just taking some time for yourself, you know. Like, I'm not pampering myself. I'm I'm trying to like help me. Yeah, yeah, help me help my family. And and so, yeah, for me, I like to like get dressed intentionally. I don't do that every day, obviously, but when I do, it makes a huge difference. And so, like just getting dressed and feeling good about how I look and present myself, um, going for walks, um, reading a book for a few minutes if I can, just taking like deep breaths. Um, I like to do like meditation, yeah. This whole thing like that.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

So I do want to dive into a little something because you are a fellow woman of faith. Where does that come in on self-care and checking in with that mental load? Like for me, without my faith, I would be hopeless in motherhood. So touch on that a little bit because I admire you so much in your faith.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

You're so sweet. Um, I think it goes back to um like being aware, like remembering instead of like being on autopilot all the time because it's so easy to just like go into the motions. But when I remember, like, okay, I'm actually here for a short period of time. Like I look like my beliefs are that I am a spirit, like I was a spirit before this world, and like I'm just on like a human journey. Like, this isn't forever.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

All these moments are so small compared to the big picture.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

And then just kind of like trying to remember, like, okay, I'm here on a mission, like there's a reason I'm here. Yeah, I don't want to forget that. Like, let's let's stay on track, let's stay on assignment. And so just kind of it gives you purpose going back, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

And like when you have purpose, you're more likely to take care of yourself and to do that self-care and show up in the way that you're like, okay, this is a this is a big deal, this is a calling for me, and this is this is higher than just like going through the mom's. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Like, I am a daughter of God and I want to show up that way.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

I love that so much. I ask this with every mom because we all face it. Um, how do you remove the mom guilt from all these things that we've talked about?

SPEAKER_01 15:07

I'm gonna be honest, like I I'm not really an expert at that.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Actually, I don't. I feel guilty every day.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

But I think just talking with my husband like helps a lot. I'll be like, Andrew, like today I feel like I was a terrible mom. Like, I feel like I did not measure up and I feel like I'm ruining my children. And he's like, okay, Sarah, like let's take a break.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Here's another perspective.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Take a breath. Like, yeah, you're doing great. Um, your kids love you. Like, yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

No, I think that's a big one is turning outward and talking about it rather than staying inward. Because when we stay inward, the mom goes just gonna grow and we're just gonna get in our own head. So I love that. And I love that you have a husband that's so supportive and is like, shout out to Andy. I love it. I love it. Um, so slowing down. We kind of touched on this a little bit. Slowing down and letting go of that picture of perfection, remembering like, okay, these moments are small, you know, they're they're gonna go so fast. Um, how do you really set pressure to do it all and just be in the moment?

SPEAKER_01 16:05

You know, it's hard because I like you and I we're we're similar in like we have a podcast, we are doing a lot of things. We want to like mom's engagements. Yeah. Yeah, it's a yes and I'm doing this and this and this. And so it can be really hard to like slow down, take a breath, and just be in the moment. But um, I just try to like appreciate the little things around me. Like if I'm having a cup of herbal tea, which I love to do, I'll just like try to take it in, like just feel the warmth of the tea and smell it and like actually be there in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

I'll be like, okay, I gotta hurry and get my tea and then move to the next level.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Or reheat it two times and then and just like noticing like the little moments when my kiddos are being so cute or like they're holding my hand, and I'm just like, okay, like mental picture. I wanna remember this, I wanna be here, and like I don't ever ever want to forget the feeling in this moment. And so it's just kind of slowing down and just soaking it in.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

I think that leads into intentional motherhood, which is a big one. Kind of in the season of motherhood that I'm in right now. That's something that I am really trying to pull into my home is that intentional motherhood of just being in those moments, not looking at motherhood as a to-do list or a checklist and just being like, these are the little moments that I want to, like you said, take that mental picture and be in now.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Because they go so fast.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

So um, what are some of those unrealistic expectations that you let go up? Like that you're like not worth it in my motherhood journey.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

So, since having two kiddos, our house looks way, way, way um dirtier than it was with my kid for sure. Um, so that's something that yeah, I've had to just like work on and be like, okay, Sarah, like this does not affect your worth. Or like you can have a messy house and this can be later.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

The dishes don't have to be done now.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

Like your kids are the priority right now. And so really letting that go, like the expectation of having a perfect house.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Um, and then just realizing like it doesn't have to be does it have to be a Pinterest perfect home, and it's like my home is there to serve me and to serve my children, like not the other way around. I'm not there like to serve my house and always keeping clean and tidy.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

And I know that like it's kind of a back and forth of like motherhood is a job, motherhood's not a job. And it's kind of like I feel like people can say that because it is it is 24-7. But I think when you let your mind believe that it's a job, it takes away from that intentionalness. So I love how you're like, I'm not like this, this is serving me. Like this is there's there's joy in this, and there's like beauty in this, and I'm not here to just serve this every day after day after day after day.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

And yeah, I think too, like, motherhood is an identity, like we're always going to be moms, it's just who we are, it's a part of who we are, and like we're never gonna set that down and be like, oh like for the next five minutes I'm not a mom. But yeah, I make sure we can take breaths and like be our own person. I'm not saying we can't be your own person, but I think it's just you know that that's the identity that we've stepped into, and that's who we are.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

And just recognizing the beauty in that. Um I've noticed when doing that the difference in my kids. So we talked about kind of how you notice the difference in you when you slow down and you're intentional. How do you see the difference in your kids and how they act?

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah, for sure. It's huge. Like they are just more calm, they are less grouchy, um, they just seem happier. And like it's really a nine-day difference when I'm like okay. More present.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

They're gonna remember this. Like you want them to remember, like, they can let their little nervous systems relax and be home and it's a safe place.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

And it's like those little moments that they're gonna remember, like the little dance parties in the living room or the walks together, like that's gonna be the things that they they hold on to.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yes, definitely. So you this is something that before we started recording, I had reached out to Sarah and I was like, okay, what are some of the things you're passionate about? Like in motherhood, what are you passionate about? And the first thing she said is having gratitude in motherhood. And I was like, Okay, preach, first of all. Because like I had not heard that. I think when you think of motherhood, you think of like kind of like I don't know, that's not the first that maybe shouldn't be one of the first things that comes to our mind. So I loved that you said that. So, kind of how did you get to that point of bringing gratitude into your motherhood and why is that so important to you?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

I think a lot of it had to do with like social media and just comparing myself to other people um and feeling sometimes like inadequate. And so turning that around and just being like, you know what? Like I I chose to have these babies. I'm so grateful for these babies. I'm so grateful that they're healthy, that we have this relationship together, that I'm able to be home with them. And so just like shifting my mindset to the things that I am so grateful for helps me to not spiral out and to go, you know, down the rabbit hole of the deep dark thoughts. Like, yeah, I just I feel so much happier and more at peace and calm when I remember taking those moments. I remember that this is what it's all about, like this is what I want, and I'm so grateful for the life that I have.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

What are some practices that you do to like keep that mental state of like remembering the gratitude on hard days, like days where you're like, I literally can't see anything good of today. Great. How do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Well, I mean, I think it's just remembering the other days too. Like, oh, I'm grateful that yesterday was a beautiful day. Like we got through. And I'm alive still today. So, you know, it's it's a practice. And I think like you don't have to be perfect at it, you just do your best.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

And yeah, I love that. Yeah. So touching on you know, that perfect mom image that we all struggle with. One of the last things that kind of comes to my mind that I want to ask you about when you started your motherhood journey, what a good mom looked like at that point versus how you view what a good mom is now. Like your version your what does that look like versus before your mom versus now? Where you're at, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Well, it's definitely been a journey. I think when I had my first, it was just such a whirlwind because when I was so young, I had no idea. What I was doing. Like, I none of my friends had had kids. I felt like the first kind of in my group to have a baby. And so there was a lot of like pressure of like, first of all, I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. And I feel like I have to do it perfectly. And you know, it's just crazy. But now I think it's just giving myself more grace and realizing I'm human. And I understand now, like moms aren't perfect. My mom wasn't perfect. Like they didn't actually have it all together. You know.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

And like I'm the youngest of eight. And so my mom had lots of years of experience when she had me. And so it kind of felt like I was measuring myself with like my first baby to my mom, who has eight babies. Yeah, done this for like 40, you know, however years. And so um, yeah, just just realizing that it's okay. It takes time. Yeah. It takes it's a journey.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Yeah, it takes walking that journey and growth and the beauty in that. So I love that.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Oh my goodness, thank you for being here and talking about so funny things. I loved it. Um if this episode made you feel seen in any way, send it to another mama who might need this reminder. And remember that you're not meant to carry everything alone. So thank you for being here and showing up in any way that you can, and we'll talk to you next week.