Money Mindset and Making More Money Without Feeling Gross with Melissa Mittelstaedt

I'm talking with Melissa Mittelstaedt, an Accredited Financial Counselor®, about why focusing on money in your business doesn't make you greedy or gross. We get into the "$80k month" posts that drive me bonkers, gross vs. net, and whether you can be rich without being a total jerk.

In this episode:

0:00 Why focusing on money in your business doesn't make you an a$$hole

3:30 The "ick" of six-figure-month posts in online business

11:30 Gross vs. net and what those money brag posts leave out

18:30 How to use discernment when a money post triggers you

25:00 Maaaaybe a couple rich people who aren't jerks

33:00 Why your business and personal finances need equal attention

40:00 Defining what "rich enough" actually looks like for YOU

Hang out with Melissa:
https://www.melissamitt.com/links
https://www.instagram.com/_melissamitt/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-mittelstaedt/

Hang out with Deanna:
https://deannaseymour.com
https://jointheplayhouse.com
https://instagram.com/thedeannaseymour

🪩 Check out The Playhouse: A networking community for creative business owners at jointheplayhouse.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

What's up? Welcome back to Cool People Doing Cool Things. I'm your host, Deanna Seymour, and I'm hanging out with smart, interesting humans who are building businesses in ways that actually feel good. Today I'm talking with Melissa about money mindset, online business culture, and why paying attention to your finances does not make you greedy or gross. I mean, we kind of argue a little bit about that, but anyways, Melissa is an accredited financial counselor and consultant who helps purpose-driven entrepreneurs get more comfortable with money. This conversation honestly turned into equal parts, money talk, therapy session, and you know, like I said, a little bit of a debate about rich people, capitalism, and even who we both agree is the one rich person that maybe I love. And if having financial goals automatically makes you a jerk. So buckle up, because we covered a lot and it's a really fun conversation. Hey Melissa, how's it going? Hi, it's going great.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

How are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Good. I'm really excited to talk about money with you because I think it's a tricky subject, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:13

I yeah, I mean, yes, and any anytime someone says, Hey Melissa, you want to talk about money with me? I'm like, Yes! So I'm here for that. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Um, all right, well, we're just gonna dive in because I love when you like agreed to be on my show, and I usually ask people for like, what do we want to talk about? You put on here why focusing on money in your business doesn't mean you're an asshole. And I was like, see, this is why I knew you're cool. Like, I just love the way you say that. Because I I mean, maybe like people listening, and anybody who's listening to my podcast knows that I've like talked about different stuff and money and sleazy and feeling like I've gotten duped and like mad about money, working on my budget, you know, whatever. Like, money's complicated. So many layers. Yes. So dive in kind of to what you mean, like, what do you see people doing and thinking? And then, you know, just let me know what like what made you want to say it doesn't mean you're an asshole. What do you mean by focusing on your money too? I'm like, just lay it all out. I'm the worst interviewer. I'm like, take it away.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Okay. So what made me say that is I work with a lot of folks who are just kind, they want to serve their people. They they don't it's as if you say I'm in business to make money, then that's like, ha! Don't say that. That makes you an asshole. Shh, you know, and I we were talking about this before we got started, but there is a middle ground to it all. It's like, yes, we don't have to be in business to say, I want to be a multi-millionaire and and that be our goal. Like, I'm not saying I'm not saying that, but also on the same token, if we don't understand our money and how it functions in our business, then that business isn't gonna be around for long. So we have we have to look at our money, we have to pay attention to our money, we have to understand how it moves. We need to have a solid, healthy relationship with money so that way we can serve our people in the way that we want to serve our people and handle our business the way we want to handle our business.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Okay, well, let me ask you this, because this is where my my spunky attitude comes in. I'm like, do you think some people, maybe in the online business space especially, leading with a lot of like six figures and six seconds, and like I'm a seven-figure entrepreneur? Like, do you think sometimes it's like the way some people talk about money in business that has made some of us be like, ew, we don't like we don't want to be that person, so we don't even want to like do our books. Like, we we need to like, do you know what I mean? Like, is that possible? That we're like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. And I think here is the trickiest part about it is figuring out so when we see someone lead with something that we're like, oh, why would they lead with that? We've got to then ask ourselves, is that triggering, is that triggering me? Like, do they have something that I maybe want, or do they have like, do I have something underlying where it's like gross, I don't like that? Like figuring out for ourselves, and then also doing some due diligence to be like, well, is that person really just gross? Because if you go look at the rest of their posts, you'll be able to see we're all talking loudly and proudly about our values. And so if you look closer and you're like, actually, this person has similar values to me, why did that fucking bug me? But if you look and you're like, actually, that I don't want to be anything like that person, gross, then that validates like, okay, then I don't want, I don't want to be letting how they talk about money into my sphere. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Does that yeah, that makes sense? I guess I'm like so jaded that I'm like, I feel like anybody who's talking about but I guess it makes me mad in business when people lead with money because I'm like, prove it. I'm like, I need to say I need to log into your own bank account because I'm like, oh, you made six figures on your last launch, but you spent seven figures on Facebook ads, so you actually like aren't in the negative. Like, I just think a lot of people are like throwing stuff around and it feels like I feel like it feels predatory to me, but also what you're saying too about your business has to make money. Like, I know everybody has different financial situations at home, but like literally in my business, I have to make money. Like, if my business is not making money, I will have to go get a job. So, like, my husband's money from his job would not cover all our bills. And so, like, sometimes when I've heard people be like, I don't, I didn't realize that we weren't making money. Like, I had someone one time that I hired actually for sort of coaching, um talking and being like, Oh, I didn't, I took me until this time to realize we weren't weren't making money. And I was thinking, I would know immediately if I wasn't making money because I like need the money. Like, I am on top of the money. And then I get nervous because I'm like, oh my god, is that a scarcity mindset that I'm paying attention to my money? Like, what does that mean? Oh my god, oh I don't have an abundance mindset. Like, did she just have an abundance mindset and it was wrong? Like, I don't, I don't know. So it all gets like tricky for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

There's lots of I mean, there are so many feelings and so many different like what's under this rock, what's under this rock, like what's under this rock? What can we find? Um, and back to a little bit about the marketing with money. We all, yes, we I don't know anybody who hasn't had an experience where they worked with somebody and they're like, ooh, mm-mm, that wasn't what I thought that was going to be. Um, but I know that I mean, we can't really, the FTC says you cannot lead with those types of so technically people aren't supposed to be leading with that if that's not plausible for every single person that they work with, right? So that's kind of a red flag. And at the same time, I hear people talk about well, if women aren't talking about money and how much they make, how are the rest of us going to see what's possible? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So the yang and the yang to it all, and we kind of have to trust our gut when we see somebody who says that. If we check in with ourselves, be like, wait, is that triggering me for what reason? And if it is, let's dig deeper and figure out really what's underneath that, or do we just not trust that person?

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Yeah. Okay, so when you're talking about digging deeper, let's say I'm mad. So we have already talked about, I know you're like not that familiar with Amanda Francis, who's on the Real House Boys of Beverly Hills this season. Um, they've actually, while we're recording this, part one of the three-part reunion has come out. And the women were like talking about how she emasculates her husband. I guess it was her fiance back then, but because she's constantly being like, I mean, I bought the house. He didn't buy the house. Like, I make in a month what he makes in a year, and she's like, she's like the money queen. So I think it's also just part of her brand to be like reminding people that she makes a lot of money. Um, and so for me, I was like, yeah, that seems whack. Like, stop, like, who says that? Like, I don't know, but her argument is what you just said, kind of like she wants women to know that they can be the breadwinner or whatever. So I don't know why where I'm going with this, but it just reminded me that she was saying that. And then I was kind of like, I mean, I guess, but I feel like all the ladies on Real Housewives are pretty, pretty rich, like, and also she might be the only one who's married right now. I feel like most of them are like divorced, even though it's called Housewives, like they're not, you know, like so. So, okay, my question was gonna be when you are triggered by something like that, like how do we dig into it?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Is that like too long of a question for this? Short mic. No, it's not too long. And actually, this happened to me. Um last week, I think I uh I followed somebody online and they had made a mention about I can't remember what they had hit, like a maybe an 80k month or a 50k month or something like that. And my my initial reaction to that was like, I didn't that that post just like really rubbed me the wrong way. Like, no, no, thank you. Why did you post it like that? There was something in the phrasing that just gave me that ick. And then I sat back and said, but I like this person. I know that I like this person. I mean, I don't know them, you know, but I just mean I like their content. I normally like their content. And so then I had to ask myself, was I am I just irritated with myself that I can't easily say that? And so I dug a little bit like into my own feelings to be like, okay, was that me being annoyed with myself, or really did I not like the language that that person used? And I found that it was me being annoyed with myself. So I had to go back and it it took me a while, a couple of days, to be able to read that post again and be like, all right, they weren't trying to be a dick here. It was just me all up in my feelings about it. But it it really is giving yourself some space and asking yourself the hard questions.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

So, okay, can I walk through what I would be thinking if someone said that? 80k month. I would want to say, well, I want to hear the breakdown. Like, I don't feel like you should be saying 80k month unless you're gonna tell us like what I guess I I'm like showing how much money knowledge I have. I'm always like gross net, right? So 80k is probably the gross. That's the big number.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

That'd be my yes, gross is the big number. So that would be my assumption too.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

Yeah, but also like say that say gross or say net. Like if you're gonna brag or empower, if you're doing this under the guise also of like empowering women to know what's possible. Uh-huh. I feel like I want to know who did the work. Because sometimes I think I get touchy because like when I first started my business, I worked for this agency owner who was making all this content in her um not, I know you're like, you live on the go. What is the silver fancy trailers? Like Airstream. Airstream. So she was like living her best life in her airstream, yeah, running an agency and making content to help other people have an agency and make a bunch of money. Meanwhile, paying me like nothing to make the graphics. So I think part of me is always also like that's part of my story, right? And so obviously, like will trigger me to be like, okay, bitch, 80k. Who what did you sell? Who did all the work? What are you paying the people who are doing it? Like, if you're gonna like tell me the 80k part, I wanna know. And that's my real housewives and me. I'm like, bring the receipts. I want to know exactly the breakdown. Because also I'm like, I think that I think that's important to me. And then I think I get wrapped up in my money mindset too, where I'm like, well, I can't be super rich because I'm not going to totally like exploit people. So I don't know how much the person who made an 80k month, or I don't know what Amanda Francis pays her people, or I mean, I could go on a whole rant about what she even sells to people and the price point and what the value is of what she's selling. Um so then I get wrapped up in like and then I get all mad.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

And then I'm like, I hate this, but like but I think part of part of what you're saying is so fair that it is a huge, it is a huge difference. Like when we talk about, I think I'm not a Hermosy fan, but whatever. I think most people know who who he is, but I think he had like a million dollar launch with his book or something like that. Again, gross. That's what the book brought in. But then I think he it was like $400,000 in ads or something. I'm like, okay, well, that's less impressive.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

Well, also, it's it is important information for someone who used to be a teacher and lives in Richmond, Virginia, to know that to sell a million dollars of a book I write, I might have to spend $400,000 in ads, which is like more than I paid for my house. So, like, do you know what I mean? Like, I feel like not saying the whole picture makes people feel like, oh, well, they made a million dollars on their book. Like, maybe I could too. And it's like, well, like then I it you can hear my distorted view. Yeah, of like, yeah, rich getting richer. Like then I'm all yeah, if you have 400 grand, what is that? Like Donald Trump also it like I feel like is like, oh, I like what do you like borrow a million from his rich dad or something?

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Like it's easy it's yeah, easier if you have a million dollars to make, you know, get on your way to making hundreds of millions or billions or what like I just it's just my little punk rock self that's like no, and and I think it's not it's not wrong to have those questions go through your brain, but if you don't mind me dissecting this a little bit, no, I like it. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

I'm here for it. Um I tricked you into free coaching today.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Um, okay, so on the surface, not knowing gross versus net, okay, yes, I understand that. But then you said, well, I want to know how much she's paying her people. Right? Like you went, you went down another layer to be like, well, I want to know how much she's paying her people. And that's where we've got to figure out who we trust and who we don't trust, who aligns with our values, who doesn't align with our values. Because the people that I follow, too much and until they until they show me differently, the people that I follow are the people who hold the people, not only their customers, but who they pay, and they're they hold that and money in the same it, they're not going, they're not advertising. Oh, hey, you can get a VA for five dollars an hour if you go overseas. Like, no, the people that I follow are the people who say you can't bring someone on unless you can afford to bring somebody on in an ethical way and pay them in a way that is going to further their career. We're not trying to undercut people and get the best deal and not pay people and be shady asses, you know. So that's that I get where you're going when you say you want to ask those questions, but we've got to trust that the people that we follow are not until they show us different. That they don't operate that way.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Okay, I'm gonna push back just a little, but we're not in a fight because we're friends.

unknown 16:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

So okay, so if we're if uh what do you why do you think someone would choose to say 80k a month over the profit number or the like net? Even if they're not gonna tell me exactly what they pay their people. Like, why do you think they're they choose to say the bigger number? What's that money mindset for them that they want to say the big number and not the the what I'm gonna call the real number, sort of? I don't know. I guess they're both real numbers.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

I was gonna say because when you are talking about how much your business brings in, let's say for example, if you're going to sell a business, your revenue number is a real number. It's a piece of that. So is your net, but your revenue number is a real piece of that. If you only told people the net part of the story, holy shit, does that skew what is possible for the business? So in my in my mind, when someone is sharing that number, that's like to them, like, yes, that's the number that they were striving for. That was their financial goal, that's the thing that makes them excited. That's how much their business is earning, and that's very exciting to them. And doesn't leave us to not know what the net is, but quite frankly, if they don't want to share it, that's none of our business.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Yeah. I guess I just it feels like, you know, when I don't know if you ever watch Shark Tank, but when they're like, Oh, yes, we've sold a million dollars and all the sharks are like getting excited and leaning in, and then it turns out like they're 200k in debt. Yeah. Like eventually you have to share that with people, right? I mean, like you were saying, I mean, I guess maybe they don't have to say the whole thing. And I hate to give that Alex guy any credit, but I think it is nice to say 80k, like, I don't know. I kind of feel like if you're not gonna be fully a little bit more transparent, like I don't think you should be sharing it at all because it does feel like part of the story. Because it could be that they're making zero dollars, it could be that that 80k month is triggering people, which maybe they can work on their mindset too, but the 80k month post could trigger me. It could be I'm making more money than them in a month if they've spent a bunch of money on a team and advertising and whatever. Like, if I have a 10k month and I only spend a thousand on, you know, my VA or whatever, my little app sumo lifetime deals, and I'm just over here making my stuff. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, but I don't sound as impressive to say I had a 10k month. Like, I just think that leading with the big number, you're doing something on purpose. And it does feel a little ingenuine. Or is that a word? Or it feels a little disingenuous? Disingenuous, yes. Yeah, yeah. Especially if you know, uh, but we're not really making that much. But we want people to think we're making a lot so that they like lean in and we build our authority and they especially in the online business space, if it's somebody who's teaching people how to make money or teaching like if I don't know why you would say 80k. I don't see a lot of like SOC companies or Nike being like on social media. Yeah, I made this much money. Like, if someone's gonna be saying, I made this much money, I had an 80k month, it feels like somebody who is saying that to their audience to make their audience think if I work with them, maybe I can also get 80k. So if that's what's happening, then I feel like they should get more info.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Does that make sense? It does it does make sense. Um, I'm trying I'm trying to think through. Okay, so let's say we flip the script and everybody online says, okay, yep, that's fair. Let's all start doing gross and net so people can see kind of the inner workings. Do you think that opens their business up to scrutiny? Do you think because I'm wondering if you know, people always have comments, people always have things to say. So yeah, I don't I don't know. Do you think that opens people's businesses up to scrutiny? And does that matter?

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Well, I mean, I guess anytime you post things, you're you're technically could be up for scrutiny. I just think you shouldn't be able to like br I mean it is still cool. Like it's still you may you sold 80k. So I'm not even saying like don't say it. Yeah. I just think if you're saying it, which I feel like in my experience, most people who are gonna say that are saying it. Like because it's gonna help them get more clients. Or it's gonna be as aspirational to their audience to feel like, oh, you made 80k. I I want to work with you so I can make 80K. So I think if that's the reason you're sharing it, then maybe you should. It feels irresponsible to not.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Okay. So then that leaves us as the audience, as the people who are potentially going to be hiring that person, then to step into that with discernment to say, hey, I saw that. You posted an 80K month that it inspires me, that gets me excited. Talk to me about what else went on behind the scenes. Yeah, and see how they respond to that. And see how they respond to that and really kind of ask some more questions and obviously people aren't going to open their books up to you, of course not. But just ask a few more questions. Cause if you leave that conversation still like lit up and inspired, that's your answer. And if you leave that conversation like they're just sharing that to like bait people, then that's your answer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Well, and I think it's important too to like, I I know I got a little tangent because I get a little mad. Because then I well, I cause I just get mad when I start feeling like, is that a me problem? Is that a them problem? Like I get I get uh fuzzy on like where I have like a bad money mindset or am I am I being like discernment? I like that word. Like it doesn't mean you have to just be like totally not paying attention. Like, you know, I don't I feel like scarcity mindset has also been weaponized. We were talking about this before the call, but where people are like, oh, you're not gonna invest in this because you like have a scarcity mindset or like I feel like that's sort of been I'm like, no, I'm just paying attention to like how much money I have coming in and like what's a responsible decision for me at this time. Like, you know, I just yeah like scarcity, abundance, and I'm like, am I just being a jealous bitch? Like if I see the 80k or or is this a valid concern? Like I just get like all worked up in it.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Um Yeah, but are you able to answer that? Like, am I being a jealous bitch? Because in the in my situation, I was. Yeah, I like I knew that.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

I was like, fuck, I want that, you know. Um well, I think I guess that's why I want more information. Because if the more information means that they're not actually making that much money or that they are making a lot of money because they're paying people five dollars an hour, or then I have more information to decide. Am I jealous? Because like if you're paying five people people, if you're paying five people five dollars an hour, whatever, you I'm not jealous, you know, or like if you're running this whole big thing and by the time you pay everybody, you're only making this much. I'm like, no, thanks. I'll just be listening to Spotify by myself in my office and hang in in the playhouse. So I feel like we need more information to decide if we're jealous.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Okay, so then we're not gonna get that information. If you reach out to somebody and you're not gonna get that information. So then what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Because if you Then I just hate all rich people, which we also talked about. Then I'm like, yep, they're probably an asshole. They're totally an asshole. 80k month, they're exploiting somebody. I know it. That's what I would be telling myself. Then that's my money mindset.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

That, my friend, is definitely money mindset. Because this I wrote that down when you said that a few minutes ago, is I can't be super rich because I don't want to exploit people. And there are so there are so many examples of people who are that don't do that. So why do we as a society, not just you, but why do we as a society, like when we look at the Elon's and the um Jeff Bezos and the Zuckerberg, we're like, yes, they're they're gross, they exploit people, they step over people, they steal people's ideas, they okay. But what about the people like the Dolly Partons of the world?

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Dolly's always my go-to, where I'm like, I guess rich people can be nice because Dolly Parton exists.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

She's like, Oh, this woman could be a billionaire easily, she could easily be a billionaire, but instead she's like, You need a COVID vaccine? Got it. You want all the kids to have a book, you betcha. You know, you know, she just so we have all of these examples. Why aren't we putting our focus there? Why aren't we shining our light on those people and saying, Yeah, I can be super rich and I can treat people like with the utmost respect.

unknown 26:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

At the same time.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

That's so funny you said Dolly, because she's like the one, she's like the only one I can ever think of. I'm just like, oh well, Dolly Parton and me one day. Yes, Dolly Parton and me.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Um, what about um Connie Balmer? Uh, she just donated like 80 million to NPR to keep them going. Um McKenzie, uh, McKenzie Scott, Basil's ex-wife, like her philanthropic efforts, like she gives away 30 some percent of her money. And so it's it's always women, you know? That's not true. The guy who owns Patagonia, he seems like a really fucking good guy. But um, anyway, I'm gonna I'll I'm gonna start digging, I'll keep digging up examples and I'm gonna just always send me fails of Instagram posts like, oh, another rich person who's not an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Here you go, Deanna. Put that in your bank of people you can relate to. Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, I feel like I've also like heard like money's not gonna make you an asshole, right? Like it's just gonna amplify who you already are. So if you're already an asshole and you have a bunch of money, you're probably gonna be more of like you're than you're that person. But if you're Dolly Parton and you get more money, you're gonna buy all the kids books, you know?

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah, yeah, for sure. It it just accentuates who you are as a human.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah. So I know it's just tricky, I think. I'm still like, all right, fine, Dolly Parton. It's funny. I went to a um performance my daughter like performed at this thing for school, but it was like in Richmond, like at a big theater, and it was like lots of schools. So some of them were private schools, some were public schools, whatever. Um, and there was like this lady. I'm totally judging her. She did not show me her finance, she did not log into her um banking app and show me if she was rich or not. I'm just basing it on her like Kate Plus 8 haircut and her just jewelry and the fact that she was literally saving like 12 seats of the best seat. Like, we got there early to get a good seat, and she just was so like entitled and jerky, so maybe not even rich, but I definitely decided she was from one of the private schools, she was a rich lady, which also doesn't make sense because I have friends who have sent their kids to private school, you know, like it I know I'm aware none of it makes sense. But then I was looking at the brochure or like the little pamphlet, you know, that they did, and it was like businesses that were like sponsors, but also individuals. And I was like, see, those are the nice rich people who like helped make this show possible. So I was like, okay, if I'm gonna be a rich person, not gonna be that lady who's like hoarding seats and being a jerk.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

What if she was one of the sponsors?

SPEAKER_00 29:31

If she was I don't think she was. But if she was one of the sponsors, then could she have 12 seats? Well, I feel like maybe they would have just reserved them because it was already reserved seats. She was very she was doing a lot. So I mean, other people were saving seats, she was doing the most. Um yeah, and I feel like my punk rock husband was like, Yeah, and I did knock your little Diet Coke over your little 20-ounce, you know, bottle. Like it didn't spill or anything, but he's like, and I'll do it again. We are sitting here, like it was like a whole thing where two punk parents were like, we're gonna fight you at this performance. Um, but the guy next to me was super nice, and he said, Oh, is your daughter in it? And where did where did she go to school? And then he, I said, Where did where did your kid go to school? And his kid was at a private school. So it's just funny because that happened this week and I knew we were gonna meet this week because I was like leaving the place being like, Okay, well, he was cool. She was definitely rich and a jerk. People who donated were not like I don't know. It's a whole thing with me, and I'm sure it just comes from a like punk rock background too, where I'm just like, damn the man, rich people, corporation. Like, I think there's just some of that still in me.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Yeah, and I there is there is something to be said with everything that we have seen, like our entire lives, everything that we have seen has been built inside of a capitalist machine, and CEOs that are now making 200 odd percent more than their employees and only focusing on the bottom line. And but that is why we, us business owners that are doing what we're doing now, this is why we are so important because we are literally flipping that script on its head, and it's not somebody who's seven steps away making a decision about this employee who now their pay is cut or they only get to work 32 hours or they've got to come stuffed back into an office, right? It's like that's not that's not how businesses should operate. It's just business. We don't fuck with that anymore. We don't fuck with that anymore. No, we're flipping business on its head. And so once again, that's why we have to focus on our money because if if we want to stay in business long enough to flip that on its head, we gotta keep doing what we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Yes. Okay, let me stop being so ranty and let's talk about why your business and personal finances need the same amount of attention. Because I do think sometimes people get just like, I guess, too, I guess, and for me, let me just say, like, all this like anger and hostility that I had, I used to just like not pay attention to money. Not to mention this money mindset of growing up. I had an older sister, four years older than me, and she was the saver and I was the spender. That was like they would literally call, oh Deanna's money burns a hole in her pocket. She's getting that Christmas money, and she's gonna, she probably already knows what she's gonna spend it on before she gets it. And but my sister Danielle was was a saver and like responsible. And so I was just like, oh, okay, this is my role. Like, I'm the dumb one who doesn't know how to do money, and then like grew up and got married, and like my punk rock husband is was also not doing our finances, and we were just like, whatever, we're fine, we're fine. And then it was like, okay, what's a 401k? Like, we need to now I'm gonna have my own business, I'm not gonna be a teacher, like we need to pay attention. Um, yeah, and so that actually made it less scary for me, I think. Like paying attention. So talk to me about what you see maybe clients doing or people doing. Like, how do you help people go from sort of being scared? I mean, I don't know, I'm assuming that's how I felt. I was just like, ugh, this feels hard and scary, so I'm just gonna ignore it.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Yeah, I mean, that's a big emotion that people come in with, and often you haven't ever had anybody else that you talked to money with, or maybe you did talk with your spouse about it, but you both didn't really know how to talk about it, or you know, like things just weren't clicking. And so I can sometimes be the very first piece person that people open up to about money, and so that's why it's like extremely important to hold a safe space, let people move at the pace that they want to move at. And the reason why I talk about business and personal finances, because sometimes it's super easy to like, well, it's just the business finances, you know, like you can just kind of like talk about those, and there's not as not to say there's not layers, but there's not as many layers sometimes, and it's like you there's a degree of separation because it's your business, and then when you're like, okay, there's a whole there's a whole nother side to this because literally we run our businesses because we're funding our lives. We wouldn't be running a business if it wasn't to fund our lives, and when we only shine a light on one or the other, we're not getting the full picture. We're not getting the full picture. Like, do we know exactly how much our household needs from the business to function? Like, do we know how much we need in order to cover all of our things, plus have the fun vacations, plus do the retirement, plus like we gotta look at the whole picture. And that's why I say they need an equal amount of love. Because if we're just going one or the other, then we're doing ourselves a huge disservice when it comes to our financial picture.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

I think that's why sort of in the beginning in my business, and I think I see other people doing this too, that they like spend money in their business that maybe they wouldn't spend if it was like in their account. Do you know what like you were saying, kind of like it feels a little more abstract, like, oh, I'm gonna join this mastermind or buy this course or do whatever. And so for me, once I started looking at both my personal and my business, part of it is like, well, I get a paycheck the way I I've structured my business. Like I get a paycheck every month that definitely covers all the things I need. But, you know, like I get that owner draw later. Like I give myself a bonus. So when I'm going looking at a $500 course or a $1,000 course, now I can also be like, oh, but that could also be like my bonus later. So like, do I really it's not free money? I think sometimes we get if we're not really paying attention in our business, it can feel like you know, fake. Does that make sense? Or like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Yes, yes, especially if you're not seeing the whole picture. It's like the connection point isn't there, and so you're making decisions in a silo versus making a decision that's like, oh, how will it impact one way or the other?

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Yeah. Because I mean, I guess as a mostly solopreneur with like, you know, I hire contracts, contractors sometimes, and I have a VA. But um, yeah, I I mean it's whatever's there could be mine. Like it's still kind of mine. You know what I mean? Like it's mine. I mean, it's the business or whatever, it's the LLC, the tax doesn't S Corp, or whatever I'm doing with I still don't know everything about money, but you know, like I'm more aware of the relationship between the two instead of just feeling like, well, you gotta spend money to make money. The business is over here and it's a little, you know, silo, like you said.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Yeah. What in regard to business finances, I like to the way I like to talk about it is there's the business's money, there's the government's money, and then there's future you money and current you money. And so all of that runs through the business, but we've we've got to have a different lens on the money that's coming through versus it's just all the businesses, or it's just all mine, or you know, it's that's not the case.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I know that first year I um wasn't paying attention, and then I had a very big tax bill because it was not all mine. I was like, oh, oh, isn't that fun? Like my account was all there. My accountant was like, I emailed him to be like, hey, and he was like, Um, can you up on the phone? And I wrote him back and I was like, I already know it's gonna be a big number. You can just tell me. Like, but he was like scared to to tell me. He's like, I don't think this lady knows, but she did. Uh and I was like, Yeah, yeah, I know. Next year we're gonna do it different, but it's fine. Just tell me what do we owe? Just go with me. Yeah, I kind of knew, but he was like worried to tell me. I was like, and we don't need a phone call, just tell me the number. So um, oh my gosh. Okay, this was like a longer episode than I thought because I ranted for a long time in the beginning, and I still have to keep thinking about Dolly Parton. And like you were saying, like, we need more of us in the world. And in order for us to be in the world and make a difference in the world, we do have to make more money. But we just have to we don't have to make so much money or do it in such a way that harms other people. So that's just the sweet spot, right? Exactly. I can be rich as rich as I can be without shitting on anybody. That's my new that's my new goal. Is that a good goal?

SPEAKER_01 39:08

I feel like coaching session accomplished.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Yeah, right. I mean, because also I just feel like there's so much pressure in online business to like, you know, what's your big scary, hairy, audacious goal? Like, we're all supposed to like say we want a billion bajillion dollars or a million or whatever, you know? And I'm like I think I don't need that. I mean, I I would feel rich in a certain like because in order to be that rich, like some things have to happen in your business. You know, I I think I guess that's what I mean too about the full picture. Like, yes, maybe I could keep building, like what, but what do I want my life to like finances is also just like part of my life. Yep. So I think it doesn't have to be like I hate it all. Like, maybe I maybe that's also part of what you taught me today is that I also need to just look at the money piece of my entire life. Because I remember one time my friend Christy, her son was like, maybe in middle school, she worked at a coffee shop by our house, and she and her son said, Ugh, we're poor. And me and my husband still say this because we were like waiting in line and we heard her say, um, we have the most amazing friends and family in life, which makes us the richest people around, or something like that. And so we're always like, whenever Matt and I are like, Oh god, we gotta pay this bill, or like the water heater broke, or something, you know. We're like, well, we're that makes us the richest people around. So I think that you can also think about that too. Not you, but just people, just in terms of like how much money do we need, right? Rich rich as fuck can be different for different people.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

A hundred, a hundred percent. Just like everybody will toss out the word, like, oh, that's expensive. Like, but to whom? Like to somebody that is dirt cheap, you know? It it's like we all have to find what is our what is our space? Where do we want to be? If we want to grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, then amazing. If we are like, hey, this place will make me feel amazing and rich and allow me to treat people with respect, great. But not until we really ask ourselves those questions will we know what that looks like, what it means, what we're actually aiming for. I see it happen all the time with online businesses, or it's like, okay, I'm gonna shoot for my next 20k, I'm gonna shoot for my next 50k, I'm gonna shoot for my next, and you're like, okay, yes, I can get behind that, I can support that, but let's talk about what that really, like, what does that really mean? Are you just saying that arbitrary number because you saw somebody else said it and you think I should probably hit it too? Or but like let's get down to it. What does that mean? What does that mean for your business? What does that mean for your life? What does that mean for your philanthropic efforts? Like, what does it mean? And yeah, when you don't attach anything to that, then it's then it just becomes that like never-ending up the ante, you know.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Yeah. Ugh, that's another thing. We could talk more. We should have a second podcast maybe one day, but this was so fun. Oh my gosh. Um, and I'm gonna get another free coaching session later. Just kidding. I'll have you back when I hit another roadblock when Dolly Parton is not enough to break my rich people are jerks mindset.

unknown 42:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

Deli Parton, I don't think, would ever hoard all those seats. Maybe she if she did, it would be because it already has a sign on it. It wouldn't be like her. Oh, that lady did not. She's not allowed to do that. Anyways, okay. And I'm not allowed to step on the seats because I had to like climb over a seat and I got yelled at, so I broke a roll. I was like, Why is she breaking a roll? What? Oh, she's rich? Okay, whatever. You probably know her. You probably know that lady with that little haircut. Anyways, hilarious. Okay. The session continues.

unknown 43:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

TBD, TBD. Okay, tell the people where they can hang out with you.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

I am having an Instagram nine grid done by our gal. Oh my god! So I will still be on Instagram at underscore Melissa Mint. I'll be there in stories, so you can come hang with me there. Otherwise, my website, Melissamint.com.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Yeah, okay. And y'all, she keeps it real with the money, and I like it because you know, if anybody's listening that's been listening a long time, you know I have issues. Or if you just listen to this, you already know I have issues. But I think we cleared a lot of those blocks, so we're good. All right, I'll see you later, Melissa. See ya. Bye.

unknown 43:47

Bye.