Why Highly Sensitive People Feel Like They're Too Much and Not Enough with Melissa Parks

If you’ve ever been called “too sensitive” or felt like you’re somehow both “too much” and “not enough,” you’re going to want to push play on this chat with Melissa Parks, Ph.D., a therapist-turned-coach, new author, and expert on self-compassion, inner critics, and finding peace with who you truly are.

In this episode:

3:13 Embracing sensitivity and why it’s not a flaw
6:49 Why self-compassion is a lifelong practice (not a finish line!)
10:03 The “too much / not enough” paradox and why we feel both
15:01 How your inner critic is a sneaky shapeshifter
23:49 The power of writing a letter from your 80-year-old self

Hang out with Melissa:
https://melissaparks.com
https://instagram.com/melissaparks
https://facebook.com/melissaparks
https://linkedin.com/in/melissaparks

Hang out with Deanna:
https://deannaseymour.com
https://instagram.com/thedeannaseymour

🪩 Check out The Playhouse: A networking community for creative business owners at jointheplayhouse.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Has anyone ever told you that you're too much or too sensitive or too anxious or too complicated? And somehow you end up feeling like you're not enough at the same time or always falling short? Okay. Yeah, me too. And it's the same for my guest today, Melissa Parks, who's a writer, a therapist turned coach, and co-founder of the location independent therapist community. And she has a new book coming out on June 23rd. It's called A Compassionate Mess. A Therapist, Her Monsters, and a Journey to Self-Aceptance. We are gonna get into all kinds of stuff like your inner critic, people pleasing, perfectionism, and being too much for some people. And if we haven't met yet, I'm Deanna Seymour, graphic designer, creative director, and founder of the Playhouse, where networking is actually fun. And this is my new series, Cool People Doing Cool Things. And Melissa's cool. So let's get into this episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Hey Melissa, how's it going? It's going well. I'm excited to be here, Deanna. Um, hope my voice warms up a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

I know we were just talking before we hit record about. I have pollen, a pollen situation here in Richmond, and like it's just I guess that time of year. I don't know. Whatever. I want it to just be summer. I'm like, just be summer. Like, just enough with the changing of the seasons. I'm ready for the next season. Bring on summer. Yes. Let's see. Oh my god. Okay. So my friend, Vicky Kelty, is like in your world, and she reached out to me and was like, oh my gosh, cool people doing cool stuff. Like, you gotta meet Melissa. So you just wrote a book, and I just want to let you tell us about it so I don't like mess it all up.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Oh, okay. Okay, yes. Um, well, I was really first of all honored like that you're doing this new series, Cool People Doing Cool Things. And I was like, oh, I'm a cool person doing cool things. That's awesome. Thanks for being for acknowledging that. Yeah. So, oh gosh, okay, the my little elevator pitch for the book. Um, it's a memoir. Um but yeah, we were just talking about how like the book is not the same as like my life right now. So the book um it took place over a decade that I lived um abroad. I live I'm in Seattle now, but I lived in Spain and the Netherlands for 10 years. Um, and so it's the story of that, which was seven years ago now. So it's kind of wild. But um and everything, um, I'm a therapist by training. It's all about like becoming a therapist myself while also going to therapy and like sometimes exploring some of the same things as my clients, kind of figuring making sense of the fact that I'd always felt sort of out of place, um, too sensitive, called too sensitive my whole life, trying to like figure out, you know, what what tools can I do to stop that sensitivity and finally embracing it, um, and coming to a place of finding a home inside of myself with uh thanks to self-compassion. That's a practice that has been so powerful for me, for my clients, um, and something I continue to practice, especially now that I'm a mom. So need it every day.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

My goodness. Yes, oh my gosh, yes, I'm a mom too. So okay, 100%. Um okay, so the book is called A Compassionate Mess, which I think is a really fun title. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm a mess. Um yeah. And so the idea, let's talk about this idea of being too sensitive. How annoying is that that people weaponize it? Because I've I've struggled with this too. Yeah. And people have been like, oh, you're so sensitive. And I'm like, I used to do what you're saying and be like, oh, okay, yeah, that's wrong. Like, how do I change it? But in recent years, I've sort of been like, well, I guess you're too much of a jerk. Like, I don't, I'm like, no, I think I'm like the right amount of sensitive. Like, I actually think being sensitive is a cool, like a nice thing to be. Like when you think about when you really think about it, you're like, how dare like they should be embarrassed that they're saying that. I feel like now is like my new perspective, which I don't I don't need to shame them, but maybe a lot. But isn't it just weird? So, can you talk a little bit about how people take that on as like such an insult? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Like, I mean, I think part of it is it doesn't like start one day, right? It's like built into your wiring. Um, and so if you're being called too sensitive, you've probably been called too sensitive your whole life. Um, yeah, yeah, I definitely totally.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Well, now I'm like, oh yeah, that makes sense. And also when you're little, probably you're just like, well, then this is true and it's bad. Like you're just too little to have the reference of being like whatever, because you're little.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

You're just like, this is bad and annoying. Yes. And for me, like 30, okay, I'm like in my early 40s now. So, like, you know, those decades ago, um, I think it was especially prevalent that like, you know, we kids are supposed to be like a scene and what is it, seen but not heard, right? Yeah. And it's just like follow along, don't cry, stop being a drama queen, um, all that stuff. And so hopefully it's changing. I know I'm trying to change it in my house. Um, but still, I still like hear, even like from my son's teacher sometimes, like, oh, you know, he needs to like uh talk about his feelings, like he can't just cry. And I'm like, why can't he just cry? Like that's just he let him cry, right? Yeah. What is this the cure?

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Like, boys don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Come on, what year is it? Like, come on. Yes, I know. Yes, I think in a classroom it's like, oh, this is just kind of like getting in the way of the things we're trying to do. So I think there are and and I I think there are just so many subtle things in our world where like people are like, you know, we just gotta get on with the day, we gotta do the things, we don't have time for these emotions. Um, which, yes, coming from the middle field, I'm like, okay, no, it doesn't work like that, but it took me many, many years to get to that place. Um, and yeah, like I was saying, you know, in the book, I find I kind of make peace with it. I mean, I don't know, it's it's something that I I find myself like criticizing myself sometimes about it still, right? So like I'm definitely more at peace, but also I the whole compassionate mess idea is this idea too, we can just we can be messy, we can be human, we can be, you know, we can be imperfect. Um, and just to try to notice it and try to meet ourselves with compassion and kindness.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Yeah, that's interesting. I feel like I um my daughter just turned 10, and so we're having like conversations about bodies and like insecurity, body image, all this stuff. And I'm like, hey, I feel like I've I'm really good at it now, but there's just so many messages in our world that make you think like I still have days where I'm like, I was like, I basically am just better at shaking it off. Like it still happens, but you just get better at like hearing that voice, recognizing it, and being like, no, we don't think like that anymore. But I was like, I don't know if there'll ever be a time where I don't, I mean, because the world we live in, I mean, maybe things can change enough that I won't have those moments. But I think you saying like a practice of doing this, I think is like it's just you're never like, okay, I'm fixed. I'm totally fine now, and I don't have to like work through anything ever again.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Well, and I talk about that in my book, how I have like several moments where it's like, okay, I like graduated from therapy, like I'm fixed, I'm better. And then, you know, spoiler alert, I come to the end of the book and I'm like, oh, okay, so even this cool self-compassion stuff like doesn't have a finish line. Like, I'm I'm just a mess. It's but like it's but yeah, again, the compassionate mess and and and yeah, just being kind to yourself in that. And and unfortunately, I think you're right. Like they're our world just not our world really, it's our society, right? It's uh has so it wants us, well, it wants us to be um, it wants us to not like ourselves, right? Because then it can sell us stuff.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Exactly. That's the angle I took with my daughter because I was like, oh, she's gonna be real mad if she finds out. Like she's a little bit of a punk rock rebel like me. So I'm like, she's gonna be real, like, let's just turn it into anger. I was like, let's just talk about the beauty industry and how they're profiting off us being miserable. And she's like, what? And I'm like, yeah. So like that anger somebody.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Well, and that's an angle of self-compassion. I talk about it a little bit in the book too. It's fierce self-compassion, right? I think so often we think about being very tender and kind and gentle when we hear the word self-compassion, and that's a big part, and it takes practice, but it can be fierce too. It can be angry, it can be, you know, getting mad at these messages we hear and saying, like, I'm not gonna let that hurt me.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think too, that can be annoying to people. That's when we're being too much, also, or like too mad or too or too too much of anything. But one thing I thought was interesting too that you talk about the too much and not enough paradox. Yes. So can you sort of talk about that?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Yeah. I I just something that I've lived and I see a lot in my clients too. It's like, I don't know what it is. Like, is it a pendulum we swing back and forth with? Uh it's just maybe it's just the different messages we get of feeling like I should do more, I need to be more. Um trying to just like fill this missing piece of like, you know, I should be more, but then also like maybe going into that space and being like, actually, no, like I don't like, I don't really like that. Like now, now I feel vulnerable, right? Now I feel like exposed and it's not safe. Um, and I think it again, yeah, it comes from those messages of like maybe it's the too sensitive thing that you've been told you're too sensitive. Okay, well, sometimes that means I'm again the crying, the drama queen. And sometimes that means like, you know, okay, well, to be safe, I have to shrink. But then also if you're shrinking, you're kind of giving yourself that message of like, you know, you're not enough, you should do more, you should be less sensitive. Um, and so I know for me it was really like coming to a place of realizing, oh, I need to tell myself both of those things, right? Like, you are enough and you are not too much. And and another thing I really like to tell myself is it's safe to be seen. So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Well, because I it is weird. Like, I feel like you are like, you're just pulled to, but then you're like so not being yourself. Then you like, I think also maybe it could re like your yourself could accidentally respond with like then you're like maybe even too more emotional than you would have been if you would just let yourself be the normal amount of emotional the whole time. Does that make sense? Like you're trying to hide it and then you're like, I can't take it anymore. Like, oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

That's and that's that's what I've found so much myself. Like, if I just let myself have the feeling, it's it's a wave, right? It's like a wave in the ocean. Whereas if you try to like fight it, control it, stuff it down, ignore it, um, it can become a tsunami.

unknown 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

So really it comes back more powerful. You're like, oh, okay, fine. You're you're out. You broke free. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Yeah, yeah. So it is funny because it's about accepting that you're you're sensitive, that you feel things deeply. Um, and also that if you just let yourself be that, then you won't go into actually maybe being too sensitive, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:34

It's just yeah. Well, and I feel like with body, I feel like I'm I keep relating this to the body conversation, but um it's interesting because I feel like there's certain things that are okay. Like I don't think anybody's like, oh, you have brown eyes, or like, oh, you're you're like too tall or too short, or like your hair is only this long, or and I know beauty standards can make us feel bad about our eye color or feeling too tall or too short. But for the most part, people accept that some people are tall and some people are short, and some people have brown eyes and some people have blue eyes. But why are we all like but also let's all just be skinny? Like, you know what I mean? Or like why can't we have a range of emotions, you know, like this person that's pretty even keeled, but they don't seem to like get too worked up. This person gets a little more worked up. Like, why does it have to be like too much or too little? Because I feel like sometimes I've even had um like uh my mom has given presents before and been like, wow, like our her one grandkid doesn't get too excited, but the other one gets really excited, but he also gets really sad. And I remember being like, well, he just feels a lot more emotions. So if we want him to be really excited when we give him a cool present, then we also have to accept that he's like really disappointed if plans change or so like I don't I'm like, can't we just all just be what we are?

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah, just exactly yes, I think. I mean, I like I I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking out thinking aloud a bit about this. I I think maybe it's like the stuff that like affects other people somehow, right? Like it's like you know, maybe they're getting hurt or offended somehow by by the sadness, and sometimes it's like the inconvenience of it, of those feelings. Um gosh. And then yeah, the I don't know what is it, yeah. What is it with the thinness? I'm not sure. I think that's just like a way like for like people to like try to control women, especially, and just like you have to, you know, starve yourself and then but I mean I don't know, it's the it is there is a there is some similarities with emotions, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Like like being like like starve yourself of like your real emotions or something, and like getting small, and then also like sort of like cutting your calories so low, and then being like, never mind, I'm gonna eat this whole bag of cheetos. Like the thing we're just talking about with the emotions is like anytime you're like trying to fit yourself like into a smaller box, it seems like is sort of the common thread there. Um eventually you're like, I can't keep up the charade. Like that this is not me. This is what I need, this is what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yes. And interestingly, I I talk in the book about how um I had an eating disorder, and it did all start with that like restriction and then turning into binging. And so I relate so much, and I think uh I think so often it is, it's related to like emotions, right? Like I couldn't, I didn't feel like I could be myself with the emotions, so like trying to like okay, well, I'm already controlling those, like let me like see what else I can control. Yeah, and yeah, it's it's awful. Yeah, I have a daughter too, she's only 18 months, but I'm like, oh god, it's a lot. What what a big like task we have to like help these women will grow into women and and like love themselves.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Yeah. I mean, that's when I like really got serious, I guess I could say, about my journey to be nicer to myself was actually when I was pregnant with her. Cause I was like, Am I about to bring another girl into this world and model this awful behavior for her? So I was like dabbling in it, but I was like, okay, I got nine months to like make sure I'm not ever looking in the mirror and being like, oh, I look fat today. Like, you know, I just don't, because even if I'm not telling her she's fat, if she's watching me grow up looking in the mirror and saying I'm fat, she's gonna think that's how we talk to ourselves. So I know I was like, all right, girl, you got nine months to get this. Well, maybe a little longer than nine months, maybe two and newborn, like a newborn. She might not have been like taking it in, but I really was like, I'm not gonna talk like that in front of her. And it starts like, I need to start practicing now that I'm not gonna make these little dumb comments all the time that are just like a habit, you know, that I didn't even feel necessarily, but it is kind of like learned, like this is just what we do, like that scene in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan's like, oh, I guess you can hate. I thought you were just like pretty or ugly, but I guess you can hate lots of parts of your body because they're all in the mirror being like, Oh, my calves are too big, like my nose is weird. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, yeah, we just learn it. Um it's like part of socializing as a woman, unfortunately. I'm not saying in nine months I like nailed it, but I get better. I got better for sure. Yeah. So let's talk about that inner critic because you sort of describe it as a shape shifter, which I thought was cool.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Yes, yes. Um, something I have also learned because I was trying to get to the, I was like, well, how do I just like erase the inner critic, right? Like, I don't want that. That's you know, seems like it's getting in my way. Yeah, yeah. Just delete it, it's fine. But what yeah, what I found is that's another thing. It's it's not going away. Like it is, I think about it like kind of like anxiety. I I struggle with anxiety, and for me, it helps a lot to think about like where, like, what's its purpose, right? Like, where is it coming from? It's trying to come from a good place. And I think that's our inner critic, too, right? Like we live in a world where like they're, you know, we're trying to get along with other people. And so it is probably good to be like noticing some things we could do better or rules we could follow, or you know, it just it uh it gets really loud and it gets really strong. And um, and that's you know, that's where the self-compass with self-compassion I often think about like having kind of trying to balance it out with like a more compassionate voice. So you bring in that voice, and yeah, it could at least nine months. It takes at least nine months to practice, right? You've got your whole life of probably not we don't really get taught to well, maybe again, maybe now kids do, but I never got taught how to be kind and gentle and like okay, yeah, be your own cheerleader. I I don't know, I didn't get that. So everything I did was kind of just like, all right, inner crit me and my inner critic, like just taking on life. And so it had a lot of years of practice. And what I find now is like even though I am aware of it, I notice it, I really try to not let it run the show, it has become a shape shifter where like I just won't even notice that it's like it can be, you know, I can have something going on for months, and then I'm like, I talk to like my therapist or maybe like or a friend or somebody, and they're like, oh, that's you're being really hard on yourself. I'm like, oh no, it's yeah, I know, I know. And then I don't want to get into the like, oh, you're supposed to be self-compassionate, why aren't you doing it? Right? I have to like really like again the mess part, right? Like be compassionate about like it's okay. Um, but it's frustrating, right? If this is something you're, you know, you're working on. Uh and and then it's just like there in the background being sneaky. Um and I'll say I bet for a lot of the your listeners, this would be helpful. I notice it really comes in strong when I'm like doing something new. Like I'm a I'm a business owner myself. And so like when I'm like trying to like, you know, put myself out there, launching the book, um, that kind of thing, like the inner critic is like, all right, let's go, let's do this. But in a very sneaky way.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yes. Well, it's scary. I mean, yeah, having a business is like you're it's like a therapy, like all the like always self-growth therapy. You're like, oh, you have to like be brave, you have to do the hard things, you have to show up, you have to give yourself a pep talk. Cause like it's it's so much, I think. Um but you also said like the shapeshifter could be productivity, perfectionism, people pleasing. Yeah. And I was thinking about this today. My email that's set to go out this afternoon, will which will have already been in the world by the time this airs. But um like I kind of realized that I was sort of using this idea of accessibility, but really I think I was just trying to people please. I was like, oh my god, nobody be mad at me. Like, let me make this lower, let me chop this offer up, let me try to like make it so you know, people can like just feeling like oh, you know, uh and you're coming, you're thinking, it's like you said it was sneaky because you like think, well, I'm being nice. I'm like making sure it's accessible for people and I'm doing this. I'm doing and meanwhile, I'm like about to burn out and I'm not having as much fun in my business because I've like uh productized my offers and made them like so different that I'm like this isn't even what I like to do. And also like listening to other people, like it's just yes, you have to combat that. Like all the stuff we hear, just scroll Instagram for a second and you hear like 10 business tips in two seconds, and you're like, wait, what am I doing? What what's happening?

SPEAKER_00 18:49

So yes, yes, absolutely, yeah, yeah. I I gosh, I that that fine line between being like a high achiever and like you know, excited and wanting to do a lot of things in your business or life, and and then but like not tipping into perfectionism, like that is so hard. And yes, that's like the perfect territory for that inner critic shape, sneaky shapes shifter to come in, and you gotta watch it.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

You really do. And it like you said, you can kind of be like really in it before you even notice what's happening. So let's say, okay, here's a question. If you realize, oh my gosh, wait, I was just doing that, I was people pleasing. Like, how do you like snap out of it, but still be nice to yourself about it? Because I like what you were saying too. You're not like beating yourself up, like, oh, I'm such an idiot, I was totally people pleasing. That's not the way. Yes, that's not the way. I mean, you might do that.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

That's the thing too, right? Hopefully, you hear that and you say it. Yeah, hopefully, and you're like, oh wait, that's you know, that's not that's my inner critic again, right? Now it's like up front and center. Honestly, when you said it, when you were just saying it now, I was like, I just felt myself take a really deep breath. Like, I think, you know, it's so small, right? But like taking a deep breath, I you can see me on video, other people can't, but like putting my hand on my heart or like giving myself a hug, which may not feel comfortable for certain people, but honestly, like there is science that shows that even like gentle like touch to yourself can be really soothing. And so doing that, it's relatively simple and tapping into that kinder voice. Like, what would a friend say to me right now? What would I tell a friend right now? And then trying to say something like that back to yourself. It's crazy how effective breathing is.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

And I feel like my husband is really good at telling all of us, because we have two kids, but like me and the kids to breathe. And I will tell you that it actually annoys me if I'm really mad. I'm like talking about breathing again. And then when I breathe, I'm like, oh yeah, it's true. Such a thing, but nobody ever taught me that growing up. So I'm like, uh, you know what I actually need to do is go to my room and be really mad all by myself for a long time. Like, that's what I'm trained to do.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yes, yes. Which sometimes you need to do, right? You need to get the get the emotions out too. Um, and there's so many things you can do, right? Like you can like sometimes it's easier if you like write something down or like do a voice note or just something to get out of your head. Um, I think that can be really helpful too. So I think a lot of this is just like finding your finding your own rhythm with it, finding what works for you. And and I will say too, I'm like, I it's funny, I I learned Spanish in my 20s, and I I will swear in Spanish, but I won't swear in English. So like my and I'm my inner dialogue is mostly in English. And so my inner dialogue with like being compassionate is very gentle and nice, and um probably like, you know, maybe there's something going on there with like how I'm supposed to talk to myself. But I bring all that up to say, like, you can also like you can swear, you can like, you know, do make make your self compassionate voice your own, right? Like, there's no wrong way to do it.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Yeah. Um, with my daughter, I was like, Yeah, you can tell that um voice in your head to just shut up, which we don't say that, like we don't say that to each other in our house. And she was like, like you would have thought I said like the craziest cuss word, you know. I'm like, no, yeah, you. Like totally be like, uh I said like home alone, you know, when he's like scared of the radiator and he goes, Shut up. Like just like I was telling her, like just hearing it is already like so impressive to if you can like start to hear it, then yeah, you can like figure out how you want to handle it.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

But um, oh my gosh, gives me hope for the next generation, right? Like, oh my gosh, kids are noticing their inner dialogue and they're like interacting with it in healthy ways.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

But it's crazy because it's like it is a lot of work. And I mean, I'm sure probably I mean, I'm 45, so I think we're similar, but like probably maybe some of your clients, it's it's a lot of work to work on learning that for yourself and also teaching it to someone else and working through like and sometimes like what they're doing is kind of activating me, like it is exhausting. Yeah, um, so I'm always like, I guess I understand why our parents were like, just go to your room, like yeah, stop being so sensitive, get out of here. Yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh, spanking seems really easy. Not that I was ever like, let's do that, but I understand the appeal of like all I have to do is like spank you if you're bad. Like, I don't have to discuss it with you, I don't have to help you make sense of it. Like it's like I kind of get the appeal there, but um, you know, we know how that turns out. So yes, I recommend it. We know that that's not recommended. How that's a lot easier for the parent.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I think okay, so like we can have compassion for like the former generations, right? Like they, you know, were doing the easy thing, they didn't know any better. And of well, fortunately we know better, but also unfortunately because now we have so much on our plates. So much to do. Oh, why we're too tired.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Okay, last thing I want to talk to you about, which I thought was really cool, is the idea of writing a letter from your 80-year-old self. So tell me more about that.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Yes, so um, I cannot take full credit for this idea because it's from The Artist's way. Do you know that book? I have heard of it, but I haven't read it. But that's like the story of my life with most books. Oh, I know, I know. I totally understand. It is a book that I have, it's written by um a woman named Julia Cameron. I had it on my shelf for like 12 years. Um, and it wasn't, and people kept being like, This is life-changing, you should read it. And I'm like, I should. It sounds good, it sounds really good. I have a copy over here. That's I'm looking, I'm looking over here. Um, now I have it like an e-book, audiobook, and written book because it's I loved it. I love it so much. Um, and I finally read it at this point I talk about in the book, where like my long-term partner like just broke up with me suddenly, and there's reasoning behind it, and I make sense of that in the book, but like my I just felt like my life fell apart. And I was like, well, okay, I guess maybe it's now, maybe now it's time to read this book that everyone's telling me is life-changing. I kind of need some something life-changing right now. Um, and it's all about reclaiming your inner artist and healing your inner artist. So lots of self-compassion there. And she suggests writing this letter from your 80-year-old self to your current self. Um, and I did that in the I did that, I write about it, like my experience of the first time I did that in the book, and just it felt like reaching, like I didn't know how to be compassionate with myself in that moment. And I didn't know how like life felt so uncertain. And right now, even life feels uncertain sometimes, lots of times. And uh, but something so powerful about like reaching into the future and having and like kind of like holding hands with your older self and having them tell you, like, hey, like you're gonna do cool things, it's gonna work out. And um, and it's something that I I've continued to do at different points when I've needed it. Um, you know, different and different versions of that. And it's it's so cool. Definitely recommend, highly recommend yes. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Um, I feel like there's like a country song called like you're gonna miss this. I don't, I don't really know it, but I feel like I've seen like Instagram reels that have parenting moments that are like someone completely melting down and like not wanting to get in their um car seat, you know, and it's like playing that song to be funny, you know. But um, I do feel like sometimes my husband and I will like laugh to each other and be like, We're gonna miss this. I'm like, oh my god, this is the most annoying thing that's happening, but like we're gonna miss this. But I I really think that we are gonna miss it. Yes. I mean, it'll probably take some time, like we'll be excited to not have to do all this work and then eventually we're gonna miss this.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Oh, and and I actually had never made that connection. I I do that all the time as a parent. Like, it's like, yeah, I guess it's the mini version of the letter. I think in the hard moments, one day I will want to like time travel back to this moment, and I will look at it and think it's so sweet. Um, even though right now I want to pull my hair up.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Like we're exhausted. It's like we're too tired, we can't even keep our eyes open, you know.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

But like there'll be our moment. Yeah, our future selves are gonna be like well rested, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Yeah, yeah. We're gonna need like a solid break, and then we might start missing it. But I do think we can give ourselves grace with the fact that it's really hard right now. So definitely. I love that. Okay, this has been so much fun. Also, I was like, Oh, your 80-year-old self is gonna be like, You're gonna actually do so much cool stuff that you're gonna be on a podcast series called Cool People Doing Cool Stuff. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

So tell me. She told me, she told me she's like, I'm not gonna tell you, like when so when I wrote this letter, she's like, I'm not gonna tell you about all the cool things. I don't want to ruin it for you, but just know it's all worth it, it's all gonna turn out. And I was like, okay, thank you for the pep talk, 80-year-old self. You sound really cool, can't wait to meet you.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

And you're gonna meet Deanna Seymour, just kidding. Um, oh my gosh. So tell people where they can hang out with you, get the book, all the best.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Yes. So my website is melissaparks.com. I'm on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn. Don't look for me on TikTok. I'm not on there. I've heard it's great, but yeah. I can only do so many things. Um, and you can find out everything about my book um on the website. Um, sign up for my mailing list there because that's where I'm sharing everything about like when pre-orders go live and just I'm sharing a lot behind the scenes about like writing the book, and um, I've gotten great feedback from people. Um, some people are telling me, like, hey, maybe I'm gonna write my own book too. So I love that. I hope that, yeah, to kind of like inspire other people too. Um yeah, so come connect with me there. And yeah, this was great. I loved this. I could, I could I can already tell I could talk to you for like another hour.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

No, I was like, it's gonna be like 15 or 20 minutes, like all of these are going way over. I feel like if we say 15 or 20 minutes, it'll be like 30 or 40.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

So that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

But this was awesome. All right, Melissa, we're gonna keep in touch.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Thank you, Dean.