The "TTC After Loss" strategy that saved my sanity

Pregnancy after miscarriage is complicated. It can feel like your mind is constantly preparing for the worst, making it nearly impossible to fully experience the hope that comes with a new pregnancy.

In this deeply personal & short episode, I share what life has looked like for me after becoming pregnant again following my miscarriage, the emotional tools I've been leaning on, and one simple mindset shift that has made an enormous difference in helping me navigate fear without pretending it doesn't exist.

In this episode, I walk you through:

•  What pregnancy after loss has honestly felt like for me 
•  The unexpected ways grief has shown up day to day 
•  The coping strategies I've been relying on during this season 
•  The "equal and opposite" mindset that helps quiet worst-case-scenario thinking 
•  How to hold space for both fear and hope at the same time 

If you're navigating infertility, pregnancy after loss, or simply feeling trapped in worst-case-scenario thinking, I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone and a little more able to hold onto hope.

If you’re navigating miscarriage and/or TTC after loss and you'd like support from our team, you can schedule a consultation call directly with me through the link below.

Click HERE to apply to work with us (first step is that consultation call with me to make a game plan).

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to share something that has personally been helpful for me in managing my mind and emotions since getting a positive pregnancy test after a recent miscarriage. Honestly, I have struggled quite a bit to manage the grief and uncertainty and fear and worry and what-ifs surrounding my miscarriage. I'm thankful that I have a lot of tools and tons of support, but that doesn't negate that this shit is just plain hard. I have found myself feeling numb a lot of the time, and then the numbness gives way to irritability or a burst of sadness, and then that's followed by just sheer exhaustion. I'm sharing this because I know that if you're here, you can probably unfortunately relate. And I want you to know that you're not alone. The things that have been helpful for me are one, spending time by myself where I can fully take my armor off because I feel like getting through the day requires me to wear some emotional armor so that a comment or a post I see on Instagram or something someone says to me doesn't take me down. So I need that alone time where I can just take the armor off and just not be on like a hyper-vigilant status. And other things that have been helpful for me, riding horses, because that's the only thing that I do that makes everything else in my brain disappear. And that's like so helpful. And also brain dump journaling just to get all of the bullshit out of my head to make everything feel less heavy. These are definitely all tools that I've been leaning on very heavily. Since finding out that I'm pregnant again, I have felt myself going back and forth between feeling numb and honestly feeling tortured. It feels like almost nowhere in my brain is safe because everything leads back to fertility in both my work and my personal life. I was talking about this with my husband last night and he reminded me of something that I say to clients literally every single day, but had forgotten to say to myself, which was the idea of equal and opposite. When my brain offers up every possible negative outcome, my only job is to also create space for the equal and opposite. Because if one is possible, then by the sheer nature of probability, the other is as well. For example, the big one obviously is what if I lose another baby? The equal and opposite is okay, but what if I don't? What if this doesn't go the way that we're hoping? Okay, but what if it does? The simple act of creating space for both sides of the coin to exist is actually monumentally helpful. Certainly for me, and I know for many of my clients who I've shared this with over the years as well. We can't ignore the fears or pretend they're not possible or toxic positivity our way out of them, but we can acknowledge them and hold space for them while also holding space for best case scenario. If you're in a similar headspace with a worst case scenario burning a hole through your brain, whether it's what if I never get pregnant, or what if I lose the baby, or what if something happens during birth, or literally whatever your brain is coming up with, try just taking a breath and making a little space for the best case scenario too. It sounds so simple, but you'll be surprised how big of a difference it can really make. For me, it has felt like a weight is lifted. I feel less paralyzed, less numb, and more present. And I want that for you too.