This Was Not the Plan: The Birth That Happened at Home

This episode is one you truly cannot make up. 

We are sharing the story of the time Abby went to a client’s home to begin support before they planned to head to the hospital… and ended up delivering the baby there. 

Completely unintentionally. 

What was supposed to be the start of a normal support visit quickly turned into an unforgettable, high intensity moment where instinct, experience, and staying calm under pressure took over. 

We walk through exactly what happened, what led up to it, and what it felt like in real time as things shifted fast and plans changed in an instant. 

This was never the plan. No one expected it to unfold this way. But sometimes birth has its own timeline. 

It is raw, a little wild, and a powerful reminder of just how unpredictable labour and delivery can be. 

You are going to want to hear this one. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello, and welcome to our podcast, The Things That No One Told Us. I'm Liz. This is Abby. Hi, Abby. Today we are going to talk about something absolutely wild. When you told me about this, I wanted to talk about it more. And especially when we started our podcast, I thought, hmm, this is definitely podcast worthy. And just before we started, actually, you mentioned that it's the one year anniversary of this happening. So well talked. The universe kind of alive. Like crazy. And I think that this is a perfect example of things that no one told you were gonna happen. Yeah, or could happen. On a next level. So take us back to it, it was at nighttime, I think.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Yes, so um for anyone who is not aware, I'm also a doula. So I help families bring their babies into the world, and I'm a support person. So I'm not a midwife. A big difference is that a doula is the emotional, physical, psychological, really support in the delivery, in the labor process, just to really be on your side, hold your hand, guide you, physically support you through all the stages of labor which are crazy, advocate in hospital, do that in a birth center, whatever your desired, you know, birth space is. And then the midwife or the OB, they are the medical professionals. So their job is to catch baby, their job is to oversee any, you know, things that could happen medically wise. They're there for safety. So I'm a doula, I'm a support person, I'm not a medical professional. So I'm that support. So a year ago, yesterday, I had a client who her goal was to deliver either unmedicated or just with some light intervention. She didn't want the experience she had last time, which was that she was induced. And basically that means that there's a medical step taken to bring labor on or to get it going. So last time that's what she had, and this time she wanted things to just happen naturally, let them just go. And that's what happened. So she calls me, and it happened to be around 8 p.m. That she said that cramping was starting, and we were all excited. I said, Call me when you feel like you're ready. And she was like, Yep, no problem. I'm coping pretty okay right now. So I I was just on standby, I waited, I went, you know, to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I'm gonna I have a question before you get to like what happened. Yeah, totally. Can you set like the the stage before we get to the wild part? Like, what what was this woman's energy going into this? Like, was she like how do you do when you go into someone who's having a baby without or sorry, let me try that again. When you go into working with someone who's already had one baby, this is their second or third or whatever, do you approach it any differently before you even get there?

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Honestly, not really. Every labor looks very, very different. And because her first time was induced in a hospital, she never went through what it feels like to start labor naturally. So every experience is different. We're looking out for cramping, like contractions that start small and start to escalate a little bit, or her water breaks. Like we're looking out for things like that. And then that's when I start asking what you let me know when you're ready for me to come out there and support you.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Right. Okay. That's that's important for me to know because I did not work with Adula and I've had one child, so it's not something that automatically is knowledge in my head, despite being friends with you.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, no, and and people don't even know that when they're the ones going through it, too. They're like, What do I expect? How do I know when I'm how do I know when it's happening? And my answer is always, you'll know. You'll know. Yeah. So she started having contractions, but they weren't like anything crazy. And then she calls me again around midnight. So I said, Okay, are you feeling like you're ready for me to come out? And she said, Yes, please. So I get there and it's about 40 minutes away. And when I got there, everything was so calm, which was beautiful, very chill. She was deep breathing through contractions. We were actually watching friends. She had friends on. Yeah, I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Like we're at sounds like an afternoon or like an evening visit with a friend, not a I'm about to I don't even that's why I didn't think that was that she was quite ready, but she felt ready.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

And I said, Great, I'm here as soon as you are. And I remember so distinctly it was the friends episode where it was Thanksgiving, and Joey had to like open up his pants because like he ate so much turkey. Because he was like, If you bring a turkey, I'll eat the whole thing. And they're like, You can't do that. And he's like, I will. I love that. Right. So, like, I'm like, this is so chill. We're just hanging out at midnight watching friends and also Gilmore girls, and we were literally just sitting there with her husband breathing every once in a while because you know, she was having a contraction, but nothing crazy. Her older one was sleeping in their room, so you know, just a normal night. And she was saying that things were starting to feel escalated, but even through those contractions, still was like sitting on the couch, still was hanging out. And I'm like, okay, well, we can hang. And then she got to a place where she couldn't sit anymore, she needed to be standing, and that's normal. And so she got, we went to the living room, we moved over to like the guest room, and she was starting to sway back and forth. I was recommending that we, you know, increase our movement so that we help things move along. Um, so she was just moving, swaying, and then she says to me, Oh, and then her water broke, and we were like, Oh, beautiful, like so exciting. That's you know, sign of progression with what you want. She started to feel a little bit nauseous, and and then I said, Okay, like, you know, now that we're feeling like things are starting to move a little bit, let's get ready to go to the hospital. Because that was the plan, deliver at the hospital. She's like, Yeah, I feel like I'm I'm ready right now. And I'm like, Great. Dad started to pack the car. And then she says, Let me just run to the bathroom real quick, like, let me go and pee. And like, we're casually talking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Who was staying with the older kid? Did you have someone there or did they have family?

SPEAKER_01 6:36

They were having like a family friend come over when we felt like we were ready to make the move to the hospital. So they like start meeting, they started because they didn't want to call them too early to bother them, but it was like 2 a.m., 3 a.m. They called and made a phone call. And the family friend started making their way over, but they're on the road about an hour away. So mom just goes to P and says, like, let me just, you know, quickly use the restroom before we get to the car because it's going to be a bit of a drive. I said, Great idea. And then she's in the bathroom and she's she's calling me. She's like, Abby, can you come here? And I said, Yeah, sure. And I walk in.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

The patients or clients usually call you to the bathroom when they're in there? Really?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

No. It could be like, I need help getting up, I need help standing up. I'm yeah, you know, in labor and I'm very pregnant, obviously. So like big belly are comfortable. So like sometimes it's like, you know, help me get up a little bit. I was like, okay, sure. You know, let me pop in. I like knock to like a little knock. She's like, just come in. Okay. I opened the door and the head was sticking right out. And I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

What emotions are hitting you in that moment? Because I could tell you mine would be panic. But like, what ran through your brain? What was like the first thing that ran through your brain if you remember?

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Well, I remember clear as day. I was like, oh my God, okay. So I need to be calm because if I freak out, I'm going to freak them out, and that's not okay. So I said right away, no, hey dad, because he was like, I'm like, hey, dad, it's okay. Call 911. We need to have the ambulance on the way, and we need to let paramedics know, like, that this is what's going on. Because again, I'm not a medical professional. If things go wrong, I am not like equipped to do any of this. I don't have medical equipment. I don't, I'm not equipped to use it. Like, this is not my role. And I know very carefully like to stay in my lane and liability. Like, there's so much. So if anything goes, also you just aren't. I've seen it happen so many times, but I'm not, I haven't done it myself because it's not my job. No. So I was like, Difference, oh my god. So I got we like pulled towels down, but honestly, who cared? And I helped her sit, but before I did, I noticed that like the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck, which is very, very common to happen. But I didn't want her to push with the baby's cord there. So I held the head like this. While the while the paramedics were like on the way, and the dad was on the phone with 911, and he was like, Okay, like check, check for bleeding. Is there fluid? I'm like, dude, we're past it. I'm past that point. We're we're past it. Yeah. So I'm like holding the head. I took my other finger and I unlatched the I undid the cord from around the baby's neck, and then I got mom to get into like a bit of a squat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

How did you even know to do that? I've seen it done.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

I mean, I assume seeing many births, but like had that have been me, yeah. I've seen it. That's literally the only way because I don't know. I did not learn this in dual school. So I was like, this is not yeah. So I held baby's head like that, undid the cord with my fingers so that it we wouldn't have like a prolapse situation. And then I said, Okay, mom, give me, you know, one good push. You hold your baby. Like she I had her hold her hands over baby's like to to catch a yeah, head. And I just made sure no chance of baby to fall on the floor. So my hands were under, but she literally gave one push and just pulled her own baby out and went right skin to skin.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

And I helped her like sit on the floor, and she was like, Oh my god, oh my god, I my baby, I oh my god, I did it. Oh my god. And I'm like, I'm kidding. Oh my god. Dad was like, is he okay? Is he breathing? Yeah, listen, like he's crying. Look, he's he's okay. And right on mom's chest, I put towels around baby and mom so that they were both kept, you know, warm because super important to get you know body's temperate baby's temperature regulated. But the best thing for that is skin to skin. And again, this was not the intention. I'm not a doula that like follows or facilitates free birth. So this was a beautiful circumstance that ended up happening, but so many things can go wrong. And so that's why it's so important to have a midwife. If you are planning a home birth, this was not. But if you are planning a home birth, like I only work alongside midwives. So I just want to like make sure before I get through any more of the excitement that like I really double down on midwife only. I'm not a home, I'm not a free birth dual up.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Yeah, and so I've never heard that term before today. Can you explain again? Not what you do, but can you just explain for those of us who have no idea what that is?

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, free birthing is when literally people do just that. Their plan, their goal is to do it completely with no outside anyone. Some people don't even want a doula. But there are people out there called birth keepers, and they are what would be a doula, but they they say that they conserve the sanctity of the birth space so that they don't let anyone interfere. In Florida, it's not legal practice, you cannot advertise as that, you cannot let it happen knowingly, but there's people out there doing things.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

I'm gonna guess that Canada has a similar rule because we usually have more rules.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yeah, and like if Florida doesn't allow it and there's pretty much Wild West out here, then you know it's not, but you know, they're not yeah, it was incredible, it was beautiful by the time the paramedics came, which was 20 minutes later. Literally, it took so long. They were so chill, they were nonchalant, they were like, Okay, like let's let's uh get you going, let's get, you know, you like let's help mom onto the stretcher. And I'm like, you are way too calm. Like, we gotta get her there. The placenta is still inside her belly, like the baby is still attached with the umbilical cord, yeah, but the placenta is still inside.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

When she was like when she pushed, did the paramedics tell you to tell her that? Or like were they coaching you through it? Like if I've heard of people who like you call paramedics, you put it on speakerphones, they coach everybody through everything. Did they do that?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

But because of the speed at which things happen, like most people don't push one time and the baby comes out. No, I've seen people push for hours. I push for hours. So like there wasn't even time for that. By the time I like had him like on the phone, he was like, Okay, now it's like he was reading a script, you know? He was like, All right, of course, I'm sure they are reading the script. So he's like, Okay, next, we're gonna look out for any colored fluids. I was like, Yeah, I I know. Like there's no meconium. Already done. What the fluids came out clear, you know, thank goodness, like babies breathing well, baby's crying well. You can hear them crying. Like, this is hello, they're on the phone with you now. And so when the paramedics came, they were like super calm about it. They were asking me what the apgar score was, apgar is how do we measure babies like wellness at the time of when they were born? So, like their grimace, right? Their like movement, are they limp or are they having like you know, reflexes? What's their color like? What's their breathing sounding like clear or not? You know, so I was like, um, I would say like an eight, you know, but like I'm not a mid-welling person. Do you normally know those numbers? Like, do you know how to like calculate? Do you think? Yes, you do. But yeah, I don't know how to like test for it because I'm not yeah, again, not a free birther. So I stayed, so they went in the ambulance. Dad followed in his car. The family friend got there and was like, oh my god, what just happened? Because the bathroom obviously looked like a baby was just born there. So because it was it was so I helped well, I like saw them out, and then I cleaned up the bathroom because the last thing you want is like for them to come back in three days and like have everything stuck in the floor, carpets and oh man, towels. So like I just put in like a bunch of laundry. I did all their towels on extra cycle with some oxy and scrubbed down the towel, you know, scrubbed down the toilet, scrubbed down the sink, the floor. And that way when they came back, they you know had a clean bathroom. And they the family friend like woke up the big sister at this point it was 7 a.m. and drove them over, drove her over to their house where she was planning to stay until they got back from the hospital. And this mom, I have to tell you, she was like, I'm so empowered, I feel so strong. I know this was not the plan, but like, wow, I I did it. Like, I can do that. And she's like, next baby, I'm doing a home burst with the midwife. Like, I'm not wasting my time with the hospital. Like the hospital bit was more annoying than you know, than I needed because I did all the things and now I'm yeah. So I drove home, like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Like when did it when did it like fully register in your mind? Because I imagine in a situation like that when it's an emergency, like I I know myself and and we're very similar, I think, in this respect. When there's a crisis or an emergency, we function, we hire function actually, usually. But then after the dust settles is when it hits you. So, like when was that moment for you?

SPEAKER_01 16:39

On the drive home, I called my husband and I was like, oh my, and it was 7 30 a.m. So he's like, Are you gonna be home to like take the kids to school? And I'm like, actually, yes, because that was the fastest birth I've ever been to. Because usually I'm gone for like at least 12 hours, 15 hours. I was gone for like six. And yeah. So I was like, oh my God. And then I remember calling my one of my best friends in Toronto. I called her on the way home also, because as you husband was getting the kids ready for school. So I called her also like 8 a.m. And I was like, You're not gonna believe what just happened. Because I always call her, it's like a tradition, I call her on the way to all my births, which is really like you know, it's helping me like mentally prepare. And she was like, Yeah, what? But that's you just talked your like crazy birth story. Yeah, that is my craziest birth story, and that baby turned one yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

So that's so wild. We did not plan it on the anniversary either. The fact that it just came up like that. That's crazy. When you look back on it now, would you have changed anything?

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Um yeah. Um, but again, she didn't give those signs that she was progressing at that speed. She wasn't showing that like things were as intense as they were, which I think is a testament to like what the human body is capable of when given the chance. Definitely. However, yeah, I mean, it's hard to know hindsight because usually all of those signs tell me it's our time to go to the hospital. And that's when we go to the hospital, and then we deliver at we deliver there. Looking back, I was like, should we? And I felt that a lot after. Should I have, is there something I missed? Was there something I should have done different? Could I have suggested we leave earlier? You know, honestly, I don't think so because there wasn't any indication that this kid was gonna come flying out. So I'm very, I was very careful in the way that I like spoke to myself about it because it's very easy for I don't know, people like me to say, you know, maybe this is not the right thing for us. And like maybe like if something really bad happened, like would we be able to live with ourselves? Like, and it wasn't yeah, my plan, but um, I think I I gave myself a lot of grace. And I also went to a there's like quite often like doula meetups where like we get together and like debrief and like talk about these things because there's not many people that would get it in the same way that we do. Yeah, so it's important that we lean on each other and support each other so that we can, you know, talk shop. And I went, I went to one and I was like, I don't come often, guys, hey, but like this happened to me. This they're like, oh my god, I've had that happen to me too. And I'm like, oh okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Not just me.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Not that it's planned, but like I'm not the only one.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

So yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's that's pretty incredible. And it must have, I don't know, maybe it didn't, maybe I'm wrong, but it must have really reinforced how important it is to have someone in your corner like that. Because what if you weren't there? Like maybe they would have been okay, but like also maybe they wouldn't have known to take the quarter out out from around his head, or maybe I don't know, just like different steps and nuances.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

So like I think maybe it reinforced totally a hundred percent. And you know, people think like, oh, I'm having a hospital birth, so like I have nurses there, I have staff, they're like, they're gonna help me. Yeah, you know, to an extent, but whose side are they, you know, playing on? And it's the hospitals. So if you had told them, you know, at the beginning, okay, like I'm feeling contractions, they would have said, okay, come here right away. And um, yeah, typically people go too soon and then they accept intervention that they didn't have planned because they're like, Well, I'm here and I'm getting pressured. And that's exactly what she didn't want, which is why she hired someone like me. So they had a great experience overall, and we're like, next time, I mean that's next time we are gonna stay home all together and like have a midwife. Because, like, maybe she would have made it, maybe not, but at least afterwards they would have should have been there.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yeah, I do find like in my own personal experience with like the labor and deliberating nurse I had with hope, I will never forget that woman for as long as I live, because she was my you in that scenario. There were doctors pushing for things, and she would ask me what I wanted, and instead of trying to convince me to do what the doctors wanted, she was like, Don't worry, I've got you, I'll go. And like so, she was like that's amazing, and that's so rare, you know. Yeah, yeah, I think the stars aligned on that one. We had some personal circumstances that like really not that everybody doesn't deserve that, but like certainly it was as helpful as it needed to be in that moment. So I'm glad that you were able to be that person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah. And I think um, you know, nurses like what you had, they are ones that like really belong in L and D. And like you feel it like you were born for this, like you like you found your calling because that's the kind of support everyone should. Get and unfortunately don't really.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yeah. No. And I don't know that it's like an intentional move on some healthcare providers, and like this is not everyone. But I also think that there's like what the policies and things dictate, and then there's what humanity requires. And and a lot a lot of very good nurses and doctors know that differentiation, but every once in a while you find one that doesn't. And man, does it change your perspective on things? I imagine what do you think you, your impact on that family's life? What do you think that was? Like, what what do you think kind of takeaways they took?

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Yeah. Is that like we can do hard things without always needing medical intervention? She wasn't against epidural. She just felt like, oh, when I get there and if I feel I need it, I'll get it. Yeah. But then she was like, wow, you know, when I gave myself a chance and when I gave my body a chance, look at what I can do. Like, look at what I did. And that's, you know, huge. She came home from a birth like that. Your postpartum experience is so different. You don't have to come down from all the strong drugs. Babies are not affected by all the things that cross your placenta. Like, there's it impacts your start. And I'm not saying that that's the only way to do things. I had three kids and three updirls. Like I am not anti-science, but you really do see the impact of how that starts your parenting journey of that baby, like how things get going on such a different foot. Yeah. And also, Dad, I felt like he needed like, you know, to talk, like therapy up after it, because he's like, what if things went wrong? What if this was, you know, this could have been so worse. This could have been so bad.

unknown 23:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

He was, you know, obviously like super anxious about it. And and mom wasn't. And you know, it's just so interesting how different people internalize differently. You know?

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Yeah, that's pretty incredible. I uh it sounds like an an exceptional circumstance that I'm sure you have never doesn't happen again, to be clear, not on purpose. Yeah. No, I mean, this is definitely a perfect example of the things that no one told us. No one told you as a full spectrum doula that you'd be delivering a baby in your own.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Yes, and it's uh ever and super cool, and I that should be one and done for not even one. But yeah, he's a Patrick's Day baby, and they did like a super cute cake smash with that. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's been a year. Like that birth sits with me always.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

I mean, how could it I think that will sit with you forever? Yeah, it's one of those, you know. Yeah, yeah. Right up there next to your own magic. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

So, what might the moral of this story be? You are stronger than you think, you can do more than you know, you can do hard things, and anything is possible if you just trust your body and trust yourself. And for me personally, is that you know, we are our own toughest critic, but when push comes to shove and like things are down to the wire, when you're needed and when you really need to like step it up, you can. And that was like really cool.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

You know what? That is like a a theme of motherhood, I think. I think that motherhood pushes you to your absolute limits and then past the ones you didn't even know you had, and you don't have a choice but to endure and and and come out the other side of it, and it never ceases to amaze me what my I myself can endure. You with like three kids at business and life, and like friends of mine, like what you what you can handle and what you can thrive with, and what you can really just achieve in motherhood. Yeah, it's nothing short of amazing. So my hat is off to you and to that wonderful mom and dad for what an incredible experience, and so so thankful that it went so well. That I would have been the dad in the corner being like, what if this and what if that and my brave bones, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Because, like, of course, and like even afterwards, that's what I was replaying because that is a possibility, and that's why medical professionals are needed at a birth, because things can go south, most definitely. So that is why I again reinforce please. The lesson out of all of this is not that birthing at home by yourself without a midwife is the way to go, it's that you know, yeah, like things happen. That's all.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So Abby is for hire, she works actively as a full spectrum doula in the Tampa area. I think you also serve like clear water CPs as well, like surroundings, yeah. And I 10 out of 10 recommend, not that she's been my doula, but I happen to think that she's great, and I'm sure has many clients that also do as well. So anybody who's looking for support while they're having a baby can reach out to Abby. And uh yeah, until next time. Imagine I don't know how we top this story, but we'll try it out. Thank you very much. Bye.