Toddlers Gone Wild

Toddlers are wild. And bedtime? Even wilder. 

In this episode, we’re sharing the funniest, most unbelievable toddler sleep stories you can imagine, from stripping naked and destroying closets to building wildly specific bedtime routines and outlasting their parents at every turn. 

If you’ve ever thought “my toddler is the most stubborn child ever,” you’re not alone. We break down why these behaviors happen, what’s really going on in their brains, and how boundaries and consistency actually turn things around. 

Come laugh with us, feel seen, and remember, there is a way through the chaos. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Back. Today we are talking about a really fun stage that if you haven't already hit it, I'm sure you're looking forward to it. And it makes even the most experienced parents go, What the heck is going on? And that is toddler sleep. Fuck so fun.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

So we've named this episode Toddlers on Wild, because let's be honest, toddlers are essentially tiny caffeinated dictators with a vendetta. And some of the wildest behaviors that I have experienced in my career have come from toddlers because they have the physical capabilities of a like a child, but the emotional capacity of a baby still. And so we give them like the keys to the kingdom of being able to physically navigate the world. But they have none of the coping mechanism. So it it equals wild, wild times. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Um it does. And and also everyone thinks no no no no, my toddler is the most stubborn. Everyone, my toddler is gonna break the rules. My toddler is untoachable. Please tell me that there's a way out of this. But even if you tell me there is, I will never believe you because I have the most stubborn toddler. And we think, you know what? No matter what, Abby and Liz, they'll never be able to break this one. They will not be able to crack through.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yeah, and to me, that's challenge accepted. So I have this thing in my brain where someone's like, I have the worst this or I have the most challenging this. And my brain goes, ooh, I wonder if they would tell me more detail. Yes. And I love it. I love being able to talk about like my stories that I've experienced and and yours as well. And like the most unhinged sleep standoffs with toddlers at this age, they have the like the ability to just wait you out so much longer, but like also throw in humor in the middle of it, like throwing out, I'm not your best friend anymore, or like they try. They should they genuinely do try to use their words to get what they want at this age, and it it's endearing and lovely and exhausting and whatever.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yes. And so we wanted to give you some examples from our, you know, history and give you some stories on why we have met the craziest, quote unquote, because you know, they're all just people, they're just babies, but like the most whoa where the parents went, there is no toddler like mine. So I will go first. I will tell you there was a toddler when I first ish got started out in Tampa that used to first of all, she figured out how to turn on her lamp, so that's cool. And when she was three, she figured out how to turn on her own like table lamp, and then she would go into her closet and close the closet. It was a sliding doors closet. She would go in and start taking down all of her clothes off the hangers, every single item of clothes, every single dress, every single thing on the floor in the closet. And then she would open the closet and just come out naked. And the parents were like watching this on camera, like, what is wrong with my kid? Why are they not sleeping at bedtime after I gave them three cup, three sips of water and three tuckens and 10 tissues? And now they are literally saying, I'm scared of the dark, so they need their lamp, but now they have taken all of the clothes off the hangers in the closet and coming out naked. So, like, I know I need to go in, I need to put them back in their pull-up. Like, I can't just leave this, but now what the heck do I do? And I was like, How did we get here?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Uh, hit me, Liz.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Let's can I tell you that this this actually sounds like my daughter for a second when you were describing that. I was like, is she nope? It is not my daughter, but I can I can tell you with confidence that even after my daughter has been sleep trained by you, thank you very much. It's like years later, and she will go into her closet occasionally or her drawers. Her favorite thing to do is put multiple layers of socks on her hands while she's falling asleep. Or one I went in, she was wearing a two, like I went in after she had fallen asleep, and unless she's like climbing the walls, we're not we're not engaging, and she had put on a tutu rubber boots and a treasure coat and was sleeping in it. I was like, What? Oh why when did this even happen? First of all, why and but why? Yeah, no, toddler's herb. Hilarious. So I once had a a client whose baby had like an 18-step bedtime routine. And I talk with my clients a lot about how we back ourselves into corners as parents because like we have a problem and we solve it with this. So, like, example, their bedtime routine, their daughter wanted to wipe her pillow with a Kleenex to get her boogers off of the pillow before she went to sleep, even if they weren't there. And then it they just like it morphed from there and they kept going. So, like, legitimately, 18-step bedtime routine of like having to check the room for monsters and also have one more glass of water, but then also wipe down her pillow and like just the most ridiculous things, but they're so creative, those little brains. My whenever I hear stories like those kids are like, I'm like, okay, this is creativity, this will do them good things in the future. I think one of the most extreme circumstances, I don't even remember if I told you when this happened. I had a client who had a two and a half year old who literally lifted his mattress off of, I think it was like a crib that had been transitioned to a toddler bed, but like he was not happy about having to go to bed. So he picked up his mattress, flipped it, and moved it across the room. Right. And two and a half. Wow. Like, uh, excuse me, sir. We don't do that either. This can't happen. You can do that. That's not a safe choice, or or the like classic literal climbing of the book shelf.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

I've seen, or like pulling out the drawers and using them as steps, which is why we always mount our furniture to the wall. People go check in your room right now, in your kid's room, if their change table is mounted, or if their bookshelves are mounted because this is how they fall on the kid.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

You always think that it's overkill and like, no, you'll watch your child, you don't need it, but it takes one second. And it's not that you're thinking about right now, it's that you're thinking about in a year from now, when you're in the throes of toddlerhood, like, what do we need to make this room safe if they were to have a behavior of some kind, which they all do, right? But we never I I don't think that far ahead in my life typically. So it's it's something that I talk about with my clients all the time. But it's not just a sleep issue, it's like boundaries. It feels like a high-stakes psychological thriller. But really, what it is is their brains are developing, but their self-regulation and their logic is not 100%.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Yeah. I I also, you know, and like like piggybacking off of that, I had this toddler who the parents didn't even know when or what it when it had happened, but somewhere between like three and a half and four year old, every morning they would wake up in the morning and see their kid asleep on the floor right next to the parents' bed, and they didn't even hear them do it. So somewhere in the middle of the night, they would open their door, tiptoe to their parents' room, bring their little blankie, and fall asleep just right there on the floor in the middle of the night. And the parents didn't even know what happened until one time dad got up in the middle of the night to pee and literally tripped over the kid. So, you know, it's it's not about, and a lot of the times, you know, we feel bad because we are making them upset by making them sleep in their own room or, you know, changing the way things are happening. But a lot of this is about healthy boundaries and safety. You know, it's like legitimate things that we do as parents because we're the responsible adults and kids don't know you know any different unless we show them or teach them different. So it's not because you're the bad guy and you're saying, hey, you know, we're gonna go sleep in our own bed like a big boy or big girl. It's about like safety and like healthy habits. You know, we've we've all we've heard them honestly. Every time I talk to a toddler parent, I'm like, oh no, we've heard it all. And everyone says, you know, my toddler is different. Oh, my toddler's this. And you know, yeah, the odd time. We definitely do hear these crazy outrages of like, you know, toddler gone wild. And we were like, wow, that's a new one. I had a kid who would take off their sleep sack, take off their pajamas, pee on the floor in protest, and go, all right, now you gotta come in because I know you're gonna come in now. And it's like, what do I even how do I wear? Or making themselves vomit, yeah, or knowing like attention seeking happens, um, you know, behavior, and it's not the wrong thing to do at that point is give in out of desperation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Yeah. Yeah. And I want to also just kind of jump onto that because attention seeking behavior gets a really bad rep. Like people often think that your child is intentionally choosing to do the things to like get quote unquote what they want. Attention-seeking behavior is both negative and positive. It could be them doing something good or not good, but it's never a child sitting back and like plotting, like, huh, yeah, I'm gonna do this and it's gonna get me what I want. It's their brains thinking, like, okay, what do I need to do to have this need met? But their brains are still young. So they think that they need them met this way. It doesn't mean they need it that way, it means they want it that way. And that's kind of where we come in to like not reframe, but like structure around that, okay, here's how we're kindly and compassionately going to support them in like, hey, they need sleep. It's a need, it's a basic functioning need. But also, how do we handle those massive behaviors that come with it in toddlerhood? And that piece can be really tricky. It's where a lot of parents find themselves kind of backed into that corner of like, now I have an 18 step as ever teen, or like now I need to lie beside my kid and every 10, whatever. I've also had a baby, not a baby, a toddler, take off their clothes and pee on the floor while staring at the monitor. I've I've had that open and like the they do. They're smart, they're very, very smart, those tiny humans of ours. So it's it's it's exhausting. I have had a toddler who I mean, I think you both and I, sorry, let me try that again. You and I both have had live wire clients. And just for everyone listening, live wire clients are what we in the sleep training industry uh have are that are exceptionally challenging. That does not mean there's something wrong with them, does not mean that we are not doing our jobs appropriately. It just means that these kids are significantly more persistent in their pursuit of staying awake and getting what they want than other children. And never have I met a one that I can't figure out, but sometimes that takes a little bit more trial and error and lots of trust on parents' parts. That can be that can be really hard for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

But we always get to the finish line, and that's because we work with you until we get there, you know. So even for the most stubborn toddler in the world, we always do finally get them sleeping through the night, and that comes down to consistency, consistency, and consistency and practice, lots and lots of practice, and honestly, just trusting the way, like just trusting the process, just trust us. Yeah, and if your toddler is currently running a marathon in their bedroom at 9:30, take a breath. You have not lost the war. We are here. This is what we do, this is what we are here to help with. It's not the only way. You do not need to just survive because it's years, it's the toddler years. And you know, you don't want to find yourself completely depleted where you resent them in the morning, you know?

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Yeah, and also with toddlers, I find that they present in a way very different than babies, obviously. But a lot of parents I talk with will be like, oh, my baby doesn't it doesn't have enough wait time. Like they're they're too energetic. They have more energy at bedtime, they're energizer buddying. And I'll be like, no, that's actually exhaustion. That's actually overtired. They're actually like they've they've spent their whole day keeping it together at daycare or school or wherever they are, and they come home and you are their safe place, so they're gonna let it all go there. And then they're overtired, so they don't have the capacity that they would have during the day to like think any kind of logically. Their brains have exited the building, and so bedtimes naturally are always more chaotic. That doesn't mean they need to be chaotic, but like it does, I think, speak to where a lot of people kind of fall into that like routine or pattern of like this is gonna be hard, it's gonna feel terrible and like fear because if you look at a child of that age at face value and he's running around, like in your brain, you're gonna go, oh, they need to expel more energy. They need to, they need to have time to like get their last fumes out. But it's actually the opposite.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

You've passed the point of no return, their adrenaline is just booming, and we're at the place where, you know, really looking at incorporating a windown period is so important, where it's at least half an hour before bed, where you got no screens, no big noise, dim the lights. Like we literally have a like our like little speaker in our kitchen that goes, you know, like bed, like book, the time to read books, and then they all go. Educational time, and then they go and do a little quiet activity on their own. And then it'll say on the speaker, go brush your teeth and pee, and they all go. And then it says bedtime and they go, like really incorporating and being really intentional about that window time goes a really long way. Think about us and our you know, bedtime routine. Some of us scroll forever, or we're intentional about not going on our screens. Good for you if you do. I'm really bad about that. Yeah, but just like being intentional about what bedtime and like shutting our brains down that time, it's it's really important. It goes a long way, and kids need it even more than us, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that makes total sense. So why don't we pivot a little bit? I want to hear about your most challenging toddler that you have ever worked with that comes to mind. What is like the top one percent? Tell me, tell me a little bit about that one.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Um, I would have to say, like the Jack in the Box kid, it's not really unhinged. It's just he was almost three. And literally, the moment you'd tuck him in and quietly leave the room at bedtime, he would immediately pop out of his bed and just stand in protest next to the door, banging on the door, crying at the door. We go and do a check-in, walk him back. The moment we walked him back, he would pop back up and come right back to the door. Rinse and repeat. I did an in-home for this one. I was at that door for two hours. Two hours. And I was like, he's got to run out of energy. Like he's just got to run out of steam. He's got to fall asleep at the door on the floor. Yeah, nothing. Just kept. But I was calm, deep breaths.

unknown 16:07

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

You gotta go in, welcome to bed. You're doing great. Here's your stuffy, shh, and close the door. And I did it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until the point where she finally went to sleep. I did a five-nighter there on yeah, yeah, on night number two. And then after that two-hour fiasco, he slept through the night for the first time in his entire life. Life. Well, he was tired. Oh, well, he's used to partying and going to bed at 10:30 p.m. So it wasn't like even we went to bed at seven. Then we did that. Um night two, it took 25 minutes. Night three, you could see him like sitting up and looking at the door, but he was like, and then he would get up and look at the door and didn't get out of bed. And he didn't get out of bed. He whined, but he didn't get out of bed, slept through the night. Perfect. And on night five, literally said, Good night, mommy, good night, daddy, and went to bed. And they're like, there was no way. We were sure there was no and we and our kid and this, and they actually reached out to me a couple weeks ago telling me that they went on vacation and they stayed at a hotel and that their kid was no problem at all. They came back home and no issue. And they're like, Abby, we never thought, literally, never, that this could be our lives. We were starting to really like mom is in a bad place mentally, you know, dad was just like overwhelmed, taking picking up the slack, like it was a mess. And they're like, We feel like we have our lives back. So, yeah, that jack in the box kid where you're like, This is it, my career ends here. I'm gonna get a bad review. Like, this is the kid who's gonna break me. And I remember messaging you like while I was there, and I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, two hours, that's pretty crazy. But we got there, so you know, they all get it. Yeah, what about you?

SPEAKER_01 17:56

They all do, yeah. There's two that come to mind. One, I was working with clients who had a four-year-old, and they were in California, so I would stay up extra late to work with them. And the oh man was one of the most persistent kids I've ever met, I think, in my entire career. And I worked with kids for 20 years. And I remember mom at the beginning being like, Okay, she's gonna be exceptional. Like, this is she's got the most stubborn thick eye I ever met. And I was like, you know, okay, everybody says that. But like by about day two, I was like, Okay, this is not going the way that I would want it to go. So we started tweaking things, but she would stand there, and I think the first night it was like almost three hours. Now it is not three hours of that child being locked in a room by herself. No, like we're obviously we're there, we're checking in, we're doing things, and I was working virtually with them, so they were doing the things, but yeah, that lasted for a lot longer than I would have liked. Like that child did a lot of these things and and perch protested for days, not just a day or two, which is typical, but like days until we figured out the the like she she couldn't handle having her door open, she needed it closed, she could not have to check ins, she could not handle pull-ups, she was a live wire. I remember you so she needed it as little as possible.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

I remember saying to you, like, gosh, I don't, I don't know, Abby, like this is this is and I was or I was like, this is a live wire, this is what a live wire is, go look this up, and this is what's going on. You're like, oh my god, this is that.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Yeah. Yeah. And like truly my background in in terms of like having worked with kids for a very long time really comes in handy with these lines because it's more behavior-based than it is biology-based at this point. And it's not like we've reinforced or exclusively just reinforced the poor habits. It's it's like the cognition and the sleep drive and the culmination of all of these things all at once. And like it leads to these exceptional circumstances for these kids. So like I'm thrilled to report that after a few weeks this girl was sleeping and she was doing everything she needed to do. And we made it, but for a minute there, I was like, this is harder than it usually is, but we figured it out. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

We always do. That's the thing. So, you know, it's every, you know, lots of parents say my kid's the most stubborn. My kid, you know, there's no one that's gonna be able to, you know, out out stubborn mine. And we always, always get there because it's not a race. We're here for the full marathon. So we always get there. You just gotta trust the process.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Yeah, and we have we've seen the wildest of the wild, and like both in this context of sleep training, but I also have 20 years' experience working in like daycares nursery school school system. So, like, I've seen some pretty exceptional things that they've launched at my hand, like all kinds of things being thrown places. And so, like, I I'm quite prepared to handle that. But at the end of the day, I think it's really important to remember, even just in parenting in general, one of the hardest things is to keep your craft together when your kid is losing it in front of you. It's like the next next to impossible. And to borrow a freeze from my therapist, we share our gray rock calm. We just want to like be as calm as possible. And even if you aren't calm, you show you're calm and they pick it up from you and they will get there if you you get there.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Absolutely, and we always do. And if this is you and this speaks to you and this resonates with you or reminds you of your own kid, and you're finding yourself in these trenches, please know that you're not alone. There ain't no shame in this game. No one here is judging you. We've heard it all and seen it all, and we are here to help you. We've also been through it. We've been there ourselves. Yes. We've been there ourselves, I think is the most important part.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Nobody told me, and I was talking about this with my clients where I am right now. Nobody told me that my toddler would lead me to such aggressive sleep deprivation that I would tell my husband I'd give somebody an organ if they could fix it. And that's having worked in the childcare and education field for as long as I have. I still needed someone to walk me through it. There's no change in that. Seeing it in your own world versus professionally, too. Very different. Very different. So it's it's pretty, it's pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

But yeah, it's well toddlers are they are they're a trip, they are they will make you crazy and they are wild. Yeah. So for all of those things, we are here. You know where to find us. Yeah. Um, we'll have all that linked up. And Liz, as always, so great to see you and here to help you soon.