Why Do Children Need Community?

When it comes to raising a family, people tell you it takes a village.

Within this episode we are going to explore the importance of that community for children. Kaydee Tran, Match Support Advisor of Big Brothers Big Sisters, and Michelle Sink, Area Director of Big Brothers Big Sisters, help us understand what that village means to kids and how it impacts them. They talk us through how Big Brothers Big Sisters is not only built for children, but also sets their mentors up for success.

Have questions, thoughts, or stories you want to share? We would love to hear from you! Shoot us an email at brightminds@pawnee.org

Your mental health matters. While this podcast is meant to foster connection, understanding, and hope, we know that some conversations may bring up difficult or emotional moments. If you need support, help is available and you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you or someone you know is in crisis or experiencing emotional distress, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential support is available at any time.

To learn more about Pawnee Mental Health, visit us at https://www.pawnee.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Welcome back. I'm Jonathan Say Paul.

SPEAKER_03 0:05

And I'm Michelle Malieu, and this is Bright Minds and Brighter Days Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Where every episode, our goal is to bring you real conversations that meet real care.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Well, welcome back to our podcast. Today we are going to talk about the impact of community services for our youth. I'm going to let you two introduce yourselves, but we have two guests from our Big Brothers, Big Sisters here in our town. So I'll go ahead and turn it over to you to go ahead and introduce yourselves. And then while you're on that topic, tell me what inspired you to get into this role.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Thank you. So I'm Michelle Sink. I'm the area director for the last five and a half years. I would say what inspired me to get into this role was being able to give back to our community. And then of course helping kids and really looking at forward thinking what our community looks like and investing in our future. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Hi, my name is Katie Tran. I am the match support supervisor at Kansas Big Brothers, Big Sisters. And what inspired me to join BBBS? Oh, so many reasons. I am such a firm believer in Be Who You Needed when you were growing up. And I can reflect on so many times when I've had so many great teachers and like advocates and um just like wonderful adults that have like led the way, and I still have like vivid memories from like those childhood experiences.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

We actually just heard something similar from the person before us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

So from your experience, I mean, do y'all have, I mean, do you do you see any any current challenges or pressures that youth today are facing?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Ooh, I always say that I would not be envious of the youth growing up today because they have so many challenges. And if we think about like the Manhattan community specifically, well, for one, I think online challenges and social media and the rise of that, and also social media kind of being like the thief of joy in a lot of ways, comparison, body image, feeling isolated and alone when it's meant to connect us. So that, but then when we also think about Manhattan and it being a very transient community, there's a lot of you know, military families and feeling maybe as a as a kid, feeling displaced where you're moving a lot, um, transferring to different schools, trying to find a new normal and stability within that. And then additionally, so many of our families that we work with are low-income households. And kind of that touching every aspect of a young person's life, um, financial hardship, uh parents working multiple jobs and not able to invest that in undivided one-on-one attention with every single one of their kids in the home, um, that's really tough.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

So you see that here in our community, obviously, because this is where you work, but this is communities all across the United States. Yes. So how do you guys in the work that you do try and bridge that gap?

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah. Bridging that gap to us looks like expanding a child's network of adults who can be that person to lean on beyond their parent or guardian, because, for example, a single mom can only do so much. Especially when there's multiple kids in the household and you kind of feel like you're being overlooked. And so having that friend, that guide, someone that sees you inside and out and is there for you consistently, that makes a huge impact, and that shows the kids in our program that they can dream for more. They don't have to settle in maybe some of the generational patterns they've seen in their home life or in their family life.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Builds a huge bond. Yeah. I mean, I always tell my child and his friends, like, I know there's certain topics that you don't want to come to me about, and that's completely I mean, I think we all would hope that our kids would come to us if they had an issue, but sometimes they're just not comfortable. So as long as they have somebody else to turn to, I think that's huge.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yes, yeah. I was just talking to a mom this week who has shared, you know, what a blessing this program has been for her daughter, even though her daughter's only been matched since the summer. But she was like, I have full confidence in my daughter if she has something that she doesn't feel like she's ready to tell me or her dad, that is completely okay that she go to her big sister about it because maybe she kind of feels shame about that or she's just not ready.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Um It's important to have that trusted adult.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

As somebody who's a a big brother or a big sister, how do they how do they engage with that youth that might be a little reluctant at first?

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Aaron Powell So I'll speak just as a big sister um that I think that every kid is a little reluctant. Well, not every, but most are a little reluctant at first. Um so I will tell you that I spent um a lot of days um playing Connect 4. We just meet over the lunch hour when she well started when she was in kindergarten. And so we'd play some Connect 4, and then I would let her win one, and then I would win one. Um and like sometimes reading a book, just doing things that maybe she didn't have to interact a ton, she didn't have to do that instigating. Um, but then within that year, then she like started to open up a lot more and have more conversations because I think as you get that trust where she knew I was gonna show up every week, it wasn't just a one-time thing that uh she started to have that um trust to be able to tell me or talk to me, even just even sometimes just about her day. It doesn't have to be anything important. Um so yeah.

unknown 5:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

So just I mean, we talked about social media and everything else, but from your guys' experience, what are some current challenges and or pressures that you see our youth face right now? And I think we know social media is probably the big one.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Yeah. I think conformity is huge, wanting to fit in and be like their peers and do all the same or get into the same interests or activities, even if it's maybe not necessarily the most positive influence in their life. And I think we see that in a lot of um our middle school and high school age youth, feeling like they have to uh follow the mainstream even if it's not a a great path for them.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Just trying to find their niche.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Trial and error, and that's sometimes hard as an adult to watch.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah, yeah. And so many as a young person, it's kind of like you have to experience that and experience the hardship before you learn from it.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

And I think I think it's important to remember that you know youth are so resilient. Do you ha either of you have any particular stories of um that that might showcase uh that resilience?

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I I think of several matches when I think of the word resilient, some longer term and some that um have been together for less than five years, but one in particular that's kind of longer term um is a big brother and a little brother who have been together since the little brother was six, and he was raised by a team of incredible women, a single mom, a bunch of really amazing aunts. Um, and you know, didn't have that positive male figure, but the big that came into his life is somebody that experienced a lot of hardship through trial and error, things like dropping out of high school and living out of his car. And at one point, that little, they're still together today, and the little is midway through his high school career, wow, um, which is really cool to see. But that little has contemplated, you know, at moments throughout high school, should I just drop out? Is that an easier path for me? Like, what would that look like? I just want to enter the workforce. Um, and through talking with his big and kind of seeing like a glimpse into the future of like, well, if I make that decision, it's gonna be ten times harder to get a stable career, do something that I'm actually passionate about. Um and through that, they've they've kind of brainstormed, you know, what what is next after high school? What if I graduate high school? I can move to the West Coast. I've always wanted to do that. I want to explore culinary school. What would that look like for me? Um, and so yeah, that little's journey is really neat because he's seeing, like, okay, I don't have to make these mistakes by having that guiding force.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

How do you guys find matches? Like, is it just a trial and error that you partner people together and if it works, it works, or how does that work?

SPEAKER_01 8:52

That would be awful if we were just mashing people together. Yeah. Yeah. We have a really cool process that we call our best fit match process. So we enroll youth as well as volunteers to be a part of our program that ultimately ultimately once their match become littles and bigs, but we look at a variety of things through a pretty intensive interview process that's an hour and a half to two hours in length, where we ask youth as well as volunteers, you know, tell me a little more about yourself, tell me about your preferences that you're looking for in a big. Um, what activities do you like to do for fun? What do you seek in a friend? What qualities do you look for in a friendship? Um and we try to look at complimentary personalities, um, shared interests, kind of maybe shared goals, and that's how we end up matching. So it's not, it's definitely not a first come, first serve basis with us.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Do y'all have a specific way that y'all measure success, or is it just longevity?

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Yeah, so um we actually have our big um and our littles participate in surveys throughout their match. Um, but then in the past also we've done surveys with littles who have graduated from our program to see uh what did they go on to maybe change in their life. And so knowing that a lot of the kids in our program vote in elections, um have, you know, make a living wage, that they um just are more maybe more civic minded, volunteer, um and that just how that changes their trajectory in their future um adult life. And so I think this there's that short-term success of feeling better about yourself and doing better in school. Um, that you know, we know that a lot of our kids do that because our match support specialists are continually asking those questions. Um, but then like there's that long-term success as well that um Kansas Big Brothers, Big Sisters has uh taken the time over the last 20 years to really measure that success to make sure that the way we're administering the program um is being effective in what we would consider an effective way.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

I mean, just because you put two people together doesn't mean that they're just gonna right off the bat just start yakking it up. You talk about building trust and rapport. So what if a kid's reluctant? Like what if they're just shy and don't come out of their shell and don't want to talk and they just don't want to do it? Like, how do you try to open them up?

unknown 11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

We have match support specialists that check in with our bigs and all of our program participants regularly. And one of the things that we're really keen on is coaching our bigs through those maybe challenging moments, be offering them kind of a sounding board of brainstorming ways to really approach and navigate a child that's kind of slow to warm. So we talk a lot about you know, having patience, extending empathy, trying to do a lot of perspective taking based on what they know from that little and what we've shared from their file. Um because as we know a child that has been through trauma and adverse experiences, you know, there's a reason why they they're reluctant to open up, and we would all be the same way if we've been through the same experiences. Um we have a really neat resource called a life skills guide that we provide free to bigs on a quarterly basis and we cover different topics. And um recently in the past year or two, we had one all about communication and emotional expression and um conversation starters within that guide as well as like suggested activities they can try with their little, so then it doesn't feel like you're playing 20 questions necessarily with your little, um, but more so you're like fostering a natural conversation. And then we always tell bigs, you know, if you're um open to like sharing about yourself, like telling your little about your life and the things that um you're working on, you know, the other person is naturally going to also open up over time.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, I I know just from my experience um, you know, working in youth community services, uh and you know, working with, you know, quite a few youth at different ages and you know how important it was that you know you keep your promises. Yeah. If you say, hey, I'm gonna pick you up at this time, like that's the time that you actually pick them up. Do y'all do y'all in really encourage that as well?

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Yes. Consistency and commitment and following through with your word is huge because that could be a downfall of a match, um, which we would hate for that to be the reason. But you know, kids remember everything you say. If you promise them, you know, a week from now you're gonna get get them an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, they will to the hour remember and ask you where that ice cream cone is. And so um we encourage our bigs, if they can, to make a consistent schedule. Maybe um it's the second and fourth Saturday afternoon of every month, or within our school program, it's really easy because it'll be the same day and time um throughout the school year. It could be every Monday over your little's lunch period. Um and and those little chunks of time they matter even though they don't feel like it in the moment because they're they're little bits and pieces, but yeah, consistency is key.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

So, how do you guys get people to come to you to want to do this? Like for those listening, how can they get involved with their communities if they wanted to?

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Yeah, so for bigs, um, we're always recruiting for bigs. Um we you can go to our website at kansasbigs.org, and then there's that button for become a mentor. And when you fill out an inquiry, then it will trigger for one of our match support specialists to reach out for an info session, um, which is anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes, um, usually via Zoom, but can also be in person. Goes over the program a little bit more in depth, why we do what we do and how to do it, and the expectations. And then once you've completed that info session, then you can complete your application and get your references in. We have like a three-hour interview process, and then um you'll find out if you were actually selected to be in our program. Um we don't just do a background check. And then for Littles, um, similar process actually. So to our website um at kansasbigs.org, but it's enroll a youth um and goes through a similar process. Great.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Well, I've I like to I like to end um I like to end each podcast with a question, and it given everything that you've seen day in and day out in your profession, what gives you hope for the future?

SPEAKER_01 15:49

I don't know if it's kind of corny, but like so many of my littles that I visit with and I talk to on the phone and I see in school, and when they tell me about their hopes and dreams, I kind of get like a little sappy with them. Like, I'm like, yeah, you can do that. You can go to engineering school, you can go into law enforcement, like you can totally be an amazing mom. Um, so yeah, I think the littles themselves give me give me a lot of hope. I mean, I just agree with Katie. Ditto. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

I can't say that any better.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Well, thank you. We appreciate you guys joining us. We appreciate the work that you guys do as well. Yeah. A new day at Pawnee is here. It's about building a mental health system that's easier to access, more flexible, and supportive of our communities. For more than 70 years, Pawnee has been standing with people through challenges and change. Now, therapy, recovery, crisis, and medication services are even more connected, accessible, and ready to meet people where they are. Find out more at Pawnee.org.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Michelle and I would like you to know pain is temporary, but giving up is permanent, and you don't have to face it alone.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

If you or someone you know is in need of care, hope is available. For local listeners, you can call Pawnee's Crisis Hotline at 1-800-609-2002.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

For our national listeners, you can call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Other mental health resources can also be located on our website, Pawnee.org.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

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