Ep. 62 - The Slack Doctors Episode 62 GOP (Gay Old Party)

Is PBD going to give the money back? Dr. Chip reveals the best network marketing "scam" ever. (Try Schedule 1). Dr. Bob recommends MOUSE P.I. for Hire. Is racism fueled by the war on drugs? We hear back from Victor! The Docs again reveal their inspiration with an old Love Doctor's bit. Whatever happened to Dano? Dr. Chip thinks the entire GOP is totally gay now. Dr. Bob explains the end game of misogyny... The Docs swap stories of being recognized from childhood. Do school patrols still go to Washington D.C.? The Docs discuss American Empire and its beginnings. The Docs get out stonered and swap weed stories. Breaking News- Rosie O'Donnell got a facelift. We watch the backhand heard round the world. " Where does the fire poop"? Dr. Chip is back in X jail (to noone's surprise). 

Transcript

SPEAKER_13 0:16

All right, so here we go. We're doing another episode, a hybrid episode of the Slack Doctors. I am Dr. Chip.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

I am Dr. Bob.

SPEAKER_13 0:25

I'm producer Dean. And he's on the on-off switch on the on the audio. Riding the switches, riding the rails and the switches.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Dr. Chip, you should bring your mic in a little closer, though. It is a little Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_13 0:37

You having a little trouble hearing me?

SPEAKER_02 0:39

That's that's better. That's much better.

SPEAKER_13 0:41

I should I, you know, I should have brought my other mic. I for the one time I didn't bring it. It's like, god damn it, I should have brought that stupid thing. All right, but anyway, here we go with another episode. Um, one of the first things I wanted to talk about is something I actually had lined up for last episode, but we never got to it. And that's my uh my buddy PBD. I wanted to get started with that guy, unless you have anything pressing to start with, other than that.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

No, no, no. I got I mean, yeah, there's no need to plan it out. You you're you seem uh passionate, so let's have it.

SPEAKER_13 1:11

Well, I mean it's not even that passionate. I just don't want to forget about it again. But uh I you heard about the the obvious scandal that he's uh involved in, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Uh uh stemming from that company Goliath, right?

SPEAKER_13 1:23

Uh something like that, yeah. Anyway, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

You know, have you heard of the YouTuber uh he goes by CoffeeZilla, one of his channels voices?

SPEAKER_13 1:31

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, all right. So yeah, the the for the audience's benefit, the gist of the thing is PBD apparently took a million-dollar donation from some guy that was running a Ponzi scheme. And you know, there's another uh actually a guy that interviewed PBD and and confronted him on this. That I don't know if you've seen that guy's interview, but basically he he confronts PBD on the interview and says, Look, uh, you know, I do you like uh do you support gambling? He's like, Oh no, no, we don't support gambling.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Are you talking about the phone call with CoffeeZella in him? Where he had him on the phone?

SPEAKER_13 2:07

Possibly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that what's in the video?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_13 2:11

Oh, okay. I I thought there was another video. I'm just getting it anyway. But yeah, anyway, you saw it then. So basically he got called out and said, Look, man, you took you took gambling money from a you know from a Ponzi scheme, you're you're not giving it back.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Yeah, you know. Yeah, and he even said that like there's an opportunity to make this right right now. You know what I mean? Just you know, just give the money back. And then at the same time as not agreeing to give the money back, PVD also hammers down that a million dollars is not that much money to me.

SPEAKER_13 2:40

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Well, then give it back. And then he says, this is gonna end up costing me more than a million dollars.

SPEAKER_13 2:45

It is. That's what I'm gonna it's gonna cost him more than much more than a million dollars, is my opinion. But anyway, but here's the thing about guys like PVD. He's he's never done anything but run scams. He made his money in insurance. Insurance is a huge scam. You're selling a nothing product, it's all sales. The only other way I think he has to make money is selling that bullshit merch he does, or getting suckers to pay like $800 a minute to talk to him on the phone or get people to join his club or whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

So I take financial advice from Matan before I take it from him.

SPEAKER_13 3:20

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah. And so he's clearly like you know, a huckster, I would like, I would call him. Like he does, you know, he sells a bunch of nothing. You know, he's a salesman. He's a good salesman.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 3:30

And but here's the thing. You and I have much more experience in network marketing, which is what basically a pyramid scheme, which is what he's been dealing in. You and I have been involved in the only industry where the pyramid scheme works, where network marketing works. And network marketing for people that don't know what it means is basically I market something to you via like Amway. Amway was a perfect example of network marketing. And Amway, I sold all my friends toothpaste and bullshit like that, and but and they bought it all from me, and I bought it from another guy, right? And that guy doesn't tell you who he gets it from, or you just go around him and get it much cheaper, right? So that's how pyramid scams work. We were in the best one. We were in we were in the weed industry where you know, it's like that's the most successful network marketing industry there is. Any kind of black market, you know, like, well, how do I, you know, how do I get around this guy that I'm buying it from? Well, you don't. And if you do, you're in big fucking trouble. You know, it's that it's it's the perfect pyramid scheme.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

So yeah, I want you to climb in the chain. There's a really uh fun little indie game on Steam called Schedule One, and the game is just selling drugs. The whole game is selling drugs. You start off with like marijuana, and then you move up to mushrooms and meth and cocaine and everything else, and and and you have to run around and make deposits and buy fertilizer, and it the whole thing is an immersive sim to teach somebody how to sell drugs.

SPEAKER_13 5:07

Okay, now this actually ties in with a voicemail I left just today, like probably the last one.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

So you should probably play that. You want to go on voicemails? Well, I was gonna talk about another video game real quick before I do, because my time has been being consumed by this thing. But Dr. Bob definitely recommends anybody wants to try it. Mouse PI for hire.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

Welcome to the trap, Mouse.

SPEAKER_09 5:37

What a crappy line.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

All right, this game just came out a couple of months ago, I think, or maybe even a month. It is a first-person shooter where you are a mouse detective. The whole thing is drawn in the style of Steamboat Willy, like 1930s, hand-drawn sell animation. The game is in black and white, just like the original cartoons and comics. Oh, that sounds good. Umce Steamboat Willie went into public domain, these guys were able to make this game. Like they couldn't have used Mickey Mouse, the colorized version, because Disney still owns that. But the Steamboat Willie thing, so they call it like noodle animation, well, everybody's arms are all like you know, noodley and stuff. The game is outstanding. It's really, really a lot of fun. I've been seeing it a ton of times. Interesting. Um, but having said that, all right, now we'll go on to uh to share the voicemails. And we can also cover our uh we the the call that we we missed, even though Dean was telling me what was going on.

SPEAKER_13 6:41

Right, do the one about Mike Rowe first. Yeah, do that one first. Just talking about. So I'm watching a podcast with Mike Rowe, and the guy that uh helps Matt Walsh make movies on there, and he makes a good point that in the in the mid-90s, it seemed like racism was pretty much dead. Like the only racists left were like old guys living in shacks in the mountains. And he's right, it seems like it seems like that was the case. Now, it seems to me that would have been the perfect opportunity to completely wipe out racism and get rid of the systemic establishment racism uh as as proposed by law called the drug war.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

If we'd have done that, I guarantee you that racism probably would not be rearing its ugly head again like it is nowadays.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

Yeah, I mean I don't know what kind of a comment you want to mean on that.

SPEAKER_13 7:29

Yeah, I thought it just ties in. I mean it literally just kind of makes the point that it goes with uh with what we were just talking about, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

All right, so what's the next one? Uh next one. Uh well we're we're gonna get the one where we uh we actually had somebody try to call the show. And I have a feeling it might have been our Russian friend, but here we go.

SPEAKER_07 7:52

I want to update. I try hard to see on the television when I get my phone connected to the VPN. I hope Lectalk's happy. My English is no good.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

I'm uh Victor, if you're listening, your English is excellent, sir. We really want to thank you for your bravery and reaching out to us. You are absolutely nailing it, sir, and let's let's continue to hear what you have to say.

SPEAKER_07 8:21

I try to uh I try to uh communicate. But do not uh do not worry. I'm fine. I hope to to see Slack Doc back. Back in home country.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

That is excellent.

SPEAKER_07 8:41

Go Slack Doc. Go. Do not uh do not stop. Keep going. I like I like the Slack Doc. Okay? Okay? Goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

You know, God bless you, Victor, and I hope that you stay safe. Uh I hope your VP is working for you. I'm glad you're not involved in the whole I mean maybe you are in the Ukraine. I don't know. Uh but I'm wishing.

SPEAKER_13 9:08

I'm really sorry we missed that call. That would have been a great calling from the case. I would have loved to have Victor live.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Um God only knows, you know, what he I we need to figure out what the time zone is or what time. But then again, who knows when he's watching.

SPEAKER_13 9:22

Get get out of the uh get out of the voicemails for just a second, because I want to share, because uh it's funny because that reminds me of one of the things I wanted to bring up. And and we lose sight of what this show is really about a lot. We get too much into politics. And this is supposed to be a call-in show, which is really a shame we missed that guy's call. But and and just to remind people what it was like, I'm gonna just uh share a little bit of the screen, doctors, or the screen, the the love doctors that we're trying to emulate here. So let me uh let me pull that up. Uh and I'm just gonna play a little bit of the the beginning of this because uh it's you know an hour or something long, but this this very first clip is pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

He lived in the swamps back then, swatted mosquitoes as big as seagulls. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

They've been a fixture in South Florida for 20 years.

SPEAKER_13 10:14

Jim, good afternoon. Welcome. You're on real radio.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

They're the titans of talk radio, the men behind all that madness.

SPEAKER_13 10:22

We gotta wait for you to tell you okay to use the jump. All right, hold on. I think I was gonna I think I was trying to play this clip that you have.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 10:32

Yeah, I I'm playing the wrong clip. But the the what I wanted to say about this clip is you know, I've noticed something about uh the the whole podcast world seems to be at some level just another version of radio. It's like just radio you can look at. And and there's different styles of the podcast. Like, do you know those guys, uh, you might be garbage?

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_13 10:54

Those guys do their podcast like an AM radio show. You know what I mean? Like, hey, okay, we're gonna have the traffic, and we've got this guest and that guest, you know what I mean? And then there's you know it goes all the gumut to other guys that like we're not quite as laid back as like a Stephen Wright. You know, there's like Lex Friedman or something, like, you know, uh drone you to sleep with my Anatonius, you know. You know, I'd say we're right in the meaty bell curve of like in between. We're definitely not, you know, high energy.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Well, the show has definitely evolved and and changed a little bit over time as we sort of found our rhythm. You know, I mean when we first started off, we were almost uh uh an interview show for for local South Florida musicians, exactly. We kind of ran through the gauntlet of everybody that you know.

SPEAKER_13 11:39

Which reminds me, I almost was gonna call Stevie Stevie Q Quinto again, see if he wanted to come back on the show, but I was like, uh, we got enough clips. We've plenty of stuff to talk about. Play your clip from the uh from the Love Doctors. That's the one, and just play that beginning part with Archie.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, exactly. Who was one of the greatest call-in guys ever on that show?

SPEAKER_13 11:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

All right, this is just a little a little sampling. Yeah, a little sampling of the uh some of the the hotline, I guess they called it the hotline, right? That's a separate number of people to call it. Well, I don't know, those are the quickies. But anyway, here we go.

SPEAKER_09 12:16

What's the point? I've told you a thousand times. Why? Why was the effort? Where was your passion in this undertaking? I don't know. How about you, ma'am? You think it's gonna happen sometime today, do you? Do any of you people know what's going on here?

SPEAKER_02 12:39

No.

SPEAKER_09 12:40

Don't you understand? What are you godless? A bunch of freaks? You people had to have a backbone. You do something. You're gonna spend your life looking back behind you. There's a storm coming, alright. Coming after you people.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

All right, that's one of the classics. It's coming after you people. I want to say that was they were doing was that hurricane coverage that they were doing or about pre-hurricane coverage. There's a storm coming, all right. And the way he nails that perfect like 1930s news anchor transatlantic accent that all but disappeared.

SPEAKER_13 13:19

I thought about playing some TJ, but I didn't, I'm not one I would have remember Sexy K? TJ. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

I saw her on a bus one time.

SPEAKER_13 13:30

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

And I figured out that it was her based, just I heard her say something to somebody near me. And I was like, it's gotta be her. Plus, you know, that's hilarious. She was uh a rather rotund black woman in a wheelchair, so I kind of knew her physical Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_13 13:45

I figured she was a thin woman. Oh that's what I always envisioned, like an old frail, thin black lady.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Oh no, no, no, no. She's she's lord. See, that's the beauty of radio. Lord. I've I don't know that I've ever seen TJ. I uh I definitely have an image in my mind.

SPEAKER_13 14:03

I've seen him. He's he's got like black hair. I've seen him. He he's not that far from what I'm sure you you imagine, truthfully. But yeah. But and it's funny that that Dr.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Richard I'm kind of thinking of uh DiCaprio's character and what's eating Gilbert Grape. That's how I picture TJ looking.

SPEAKER_13 14:20

That's not bad. That's pretty close. That's pretty close. Pretty close. And and it's funny how aversive uh Dr. Rich was to being on camera of any kind. Because I don't know if you remember, but back in those days, that's when Howard Stern just went and started doing the camera stuff on his show, and everybody told these guys to do it, and they would have been probably as big as Howard Stern if they'd have done it, because they were damn popular. But Dr. Rich is like, nah, nah, I don't want to be on camera. Dr. Glenn had no problem with it, but Lexus or any of those people.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

At one point on the show, they one time, or maybe more than once, even they asked, they were like t asking people to roast them, right? So I sent them an email. Uh they were reading Dano was reading emails, and I was made I made fun of all of them. Uh can't remember the exact quotes for each one of them, but I do remember telling Dr. Rich that he looked like Bill Murray with AIDS. That's a pretty good description. Something about Lexus looking at him as a father figure that she never had, some brutal reference to Dr. Glenn eating food on the toilet, and then something about Dano's hair causing a grease fire.

SPEAKER_13 15:26

Oh, that's hilarious. I was just gonna say we should try to find Dano. Because I mean that's one of the things that made that show, too, is just Dano cackling in the background, consistently, just breaking up laughing.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Oh, I just realized I just came up with the perfect nickname for Dean now. Dino. What's that? Dino for Dano.

SPEAKER_13 15:44

Dino. There we are. Yeah, we are there we go. Perfect. You know, it's funny, I was just oh, speaking of which, uh Big Daddy Tillman, Mark safe from being hit by an asteroid. You heard about the asteroid thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:58

No.

SPEAKER_13 15:59

Oh, there's a big sonic boom over Boston.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Oh, snap.

SPEAKER_13 16:03

They didn't know what the fuck it was, and and they're saying it's an asteroid, but it couldn't possibly be a jet coming back from Iran or something like that. But you know, whatever, whatever they want to say it is.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

But it's interdimensional drones.

SPEAKER_13 16:17

Right, yeah. But uh the funny thing is, uh thinking about it today, you know, my dad obviously had a pretty long career in radio, much of it on the air, and his heir name was Dr. Parker.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 16:30

I I should have been Dr. Parker. Dr. Chip. I should have had an alias like you.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

We only have one then. Here we go.

SPEAKER_13 16:39

Okay, so before I forget, I want to just wish all the Republicans a happy uh Republican month. I mean Pride Month, pride, yes. Republicans, the ones that are proud to be gay. They love doctors, that's what you would call a quickie.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_13 16:55

All right, what are the quickies? There we go.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Uh did you ever call the quickies line?

SPEAKER_13 17:00

No. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

No?

SPEAKER_13 17:02

I mean, I how often how long did you have to wait on hold for the quickies? I mean, I just even calling the regular.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

It was a l here's the thing, you didn't have to wait on hold, you had to keep calling. You didn't get put. Oh, well, okay. It was either busy, you know, the old actual busy signal, which nobody has heard probably in over a decade or more, um, or would ring, in which case you better be ready, right? Right, right, right. At least once, maybe two two times. Um, but the my the one I was proud of is I got through and I pulled uh I used a line from Raising Arizona, and I'm sure you'll recognize it, but as soon as they were like quickies, I went, Sometimes I guess the menstrual cramps real bad.

SPEAKER_13 17:46

You know, and it's funny that that their producer Dano used to not only do all the production or whatever, which in the radio station is much easier, but he used to answer the phones. Like if you called in, he would answer, like, all right, love doctors, what you know, and ask you what you wanted to talk about or something like that, real quick, and then and then put you on hold.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

Yeah, yeah. No, he didn't ask you what you wanted to talk about, and that was what made them have such balls. All he asked you is your name. He just wanted to know your name.

SPEAKER_13 18:10

Oh, that's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

And that way when Rich would say, All right, you know, Bob, you're on the you're on the air, you know, so you'd know it was you.

SPEAKER_13 18:18

And and the only thing that made it worth sitting on hold that that long is that you could listen to the show while you were on hold.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

And uh the added bonus to that is if you were listening to the show on the phone, if anything did have to get beeped or whatever, you didn't hear the you got to hear the raw first. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. You know, not that it happened that often, but you you got the uncensored, the real deal. This is true. This is true. Yeah, one of my favorite segments on that show is uh it was was it did they call it Rate My Pooh? I don't know. It was showing Dane Dano pictures of of toilet bowls, basically, that would therefore cause him to start retching. I don't remember that. You're in the background, Am I almost puking constantly. They're trying always trying to make Dano hurl.

SPEAKER_13 19:02

We gotta look him up. He's probably I for what's for some reason I think he's from Ohio. Is that right?

SPEAKER_02 19:08

I don't know. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_13 19:10

That sounds all I know about him is that he's Italian. I could be way reaching on that, but yeah. Anyway. We should find him. That would be hilarious to have him on the show. All right, what do you got to uh share? You want to share one, or so do I go first?

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Uh you can go first. I got like three or four left. All right, let's see what pops up here first.

SPEAKER_13 19:33

Oh, yeah, this is more just uh Republicans or gay stuff.

SPEAKER_08 19:40

Women, family, they're a distraction, a weakness. I couldn't agree more. They only hold you back. This has got to be AI.

SPEAKER_13 19:49

Oh, yeah. It's absolutely AI.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

And not even good AI.

SPEAKER_13 19:52

No, no, but it's just just the whole same sentiment that, you know, all these new young Republicans are just gay as hell.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Right. Let's just be happy that they shut that AI clip down before the end of it, which is probably gay porn. AI porn, but still.

SPEAKER_13 20:10

But I mean the comment they're making is I guess now that this uh Andrew Tate's come out, Nick Fuentes, a couple other clavicular, these guys are all saying, like, ew, who chicks are ugly. Guys are but much better looking than chicks. I mean, they're literally coming out and saying this.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Yeah, I mean, well, if you follow misogyny to its logical conclusion, you end up with a dick in the mouth. I mean, that's really the only final I don't know about that. We're pretty misogynist, and I've I've No. You think you are, but you're clearly not because you still haven't crossed the final threshold, which is I don't even want to bang them anymore.

SPEAKER_13 20:49

Uh I'm pretty close. I don't know. You know, it's not even that I don't want to have you know sex anymore, it's really it's really just being afraid of the whole end of relationship letdown thing. You know, it's like buttons.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

And also the whole through that again. The looks maxing thing, like that being sort of gay, that that doesn't surprise me at all. Because like if you think about bodybuilding, there's a lot of gay men in bodybuilding because if if your entire focus of your entire life is the male physique as the embodiment of physical perfection, uh once again, you're gonna end up with a dick in the mouth.

SPEAKER_13 21:26

All right, just to clarify, let's talk about being gay in general. I'm the first one to say that look, I wish I was gay. I really do. My life would be so much easier if I was gay, but it's just I just not gay. And here's the way I I'm pretty sure I know I'm not gay. I remember at the age of four or five, there used to be this chick that lived a couple of doors down there, a little complex there, and she was gorgeous. She was a cute little blonde, you know, four or five year old, however old she was. And we used to play doctor whenever we whenever we could, or whenever I could. I don't know. I had to kind of Persuade her to do it, but we used to play doctor on a fairly fairly regular uh basis. And even at that age, I was like, this is what I'm looking for. This is this is the thing, this is the kind of sexual thing I'm looking at. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

And this is exactly the segment of the show that I'm probably gonna have to cut out.

SPEAKER_13 22:19

Well, no, I was for.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

No, I'm well aware. I'm well aware, and so is the audience.

SPEAKER_13 22:26

You can't clef that out because this is the the the story continues. Fast forward to I'm I don't know, I'm now in my twenties, late 20s, maybe, yeah, probably like mid-late 20s. And I used to play racquetball a lot out at uh Haverhill Park out there. It was outdoor racquetball courts, and all kinds of people would show up. Well, there's this one guy I played with fairly regularly, a big buff dude, too, good-looking guy, and he had this really hot girlfriend, hot blonde girlfriend. She would come and play every once in a while, bitch. She was hot, hot. One day we're there playing uh racquetball, and she goes, Hey Chip, did you used to live on Plymouth Road? And I was like, Yeah? How would you know that? And she goes, I used to live two doors down from you. Yeah. Yeah. And meanwhile, I'm like looking at her, I'm looking at her boyfriend, I'm looking at her, I'm like, okay, I'm not saying a word. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't yeah, I I didn't I didn't really recognize her, but once you said it, I was like, oh, okay. But I it that was that was very awkward, awkward in incidence of uh, but I'm pretty sure I'm not getting it.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

It's weird when somebody recognizes you from that long ago. Uh it happened to me once uh at Howley's uh this girl, I don't want to say her name, but it uh she was a manager there, or I think she was managing at the time. And um I went in, I was uh visiting. I had already obviously didn't work there anymore. It was years later. I was talking to Jess or somebody, and all of a sudden she turns around and she goes, Are you Rom Rimland? She busted me with the full first and last name, and I was like, Yeah, and she goes, I went to school with you at Belvedere Elementary, and yeah, she did. We went to the uh she was on the same trip that went to um Washington, D.C. when the patrols get to go. Do they do that anymore? I don't know. I went on one. It was pretty it was really cool. I mean, we got we wrote it was the only time I've ever ridden a train for any anything other than a trolley or something along those lines.

SPEAKER_13 24:36

And you stayed overnight, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Oh, yeah, it was a couple of days. God, so well, I've I I know I had a train full of fifth graders. Right. And sixth graders. Yeah. You know, running rampant through the hotels at night, and yeah, it was insane.

SPEAKER_13 24:52

What kind of what kind of state funded propaganda shit was that?

SPEAKER_02 24:57

And anyway. Yeah, if you were a narc all year and busted other kids for running in the halls, you get to go see where all the big daddy narcs live, you know, give you aspirations.

SPEAKER_13 25:06

I gotta say, I gotta say, my in my time as a safety patrol, I did save a kid's life. Absolutely. This fucking kid was about to walk right in front of a car and I grabbed his ass.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Anyway. You got anything to share? Uh yeah, let's see. Let's bring one up. Yeah, you had some good ones. All right, yeah, we'll we'll bring this one up. I think this one is just text. So this is a post on X from General Mike Flynn. Uh the subject, I'm assuming, is the decline of an empire. With 25% of the 21st century over, will America retain its character and strength, or will we spiral into oblivion in the coming decades as other empires have done throughout history? All right. And then he goes on to list the historical patterns of empire decline, overextension and costly wars, economic strains such as massive debt and control, uh out-of-control inflation, losses. There's a long list, I don't want to read the entire thing around. But the subject of the email when you sent it to me is why are why are we an empire?

SPEAKER_13 26:11

And that's why we need that's why do we need to be an empire?

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Right. Why do we need to be an empire? And so I did a little bit of digging just to you know refresh myself and my memory is as to when did when did it really all start? I'm gonna stop sharing this so we can look at each other. It started right after World War II. Uh it actually started even sooner than that, right? So if you want to talk about like continental expansion, that's like 1803 to 1848. 1803, Louisiana Purchase, 1848, Mexican War, right? Right. But what really kick-started the outside of that was um the you know the Monroe Doctrine first, 1823, but then 1898, the Spanish-American War, because that's when we first got overseas territories. That's when we got Philippines, Guam, things like that. And that's when the Empire really started. But most assuredly after 1945, that's when uh I don't know if that's the year they came up with the concept of the petrodollar or whether that was just being worked on in the background, but absolutely full fucking scheme ahead on American Empire after that point. Um, so essentially we really only went, you know, if you go by 1776 as the founding, we went like 72 years without being an empire. Out of our two, we're on our 250 right now, so we've pretty much done this most of the time.

SPEAKER_13 27:31

And you know, I I would make the argument we're we're barely worthy of being an empire. You know, everybody thinks we were won World War II. We didn't win World War II. Russia won World War II. They completely fought most of World War II and won it for us. We came in at the last minute. I mean, what we did strategically was brilliant. We stayed out of it until everybody else was wiped out. We kind of did the same thing in World War I. You know, stay out, let the let them kill off each other, and then just come in at the end, finish up, do a mop-up, take over, and say, okay, well, we're in charge now, since we clearly have the the military might to run everything. But yeah, anyway. But yeah, I don't this the whole concept that we have to be an empire. Why? Why do we have to be an empire? Why can't we just be a country?

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Well, the only reason we air quotes have to be an empire is for money, corporate and monetary interests. That's all.

SPEAKER_13 28:26

Well, I mean that that's true to an extent, but you could certainly I mean, there are Switzerland's not an empire. That's the richest fucking country on the planet. You know, not richer than the United States.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

I mean concentrated by per per capita, yes, obvious yes, for sure.

SPEAKER_13 28:44

Yeah. And there are other places that, you know, are as rich or well, I don't know, as I mean, here's the other thing, and I it's funny, I just had a conversation with my real estate about this. We're not worth as much as we think we are. You know, we're we're a little overvalued, if you get my meaning. Yeah. We're all finding that out right now. Anyway. All right, go ahead to the next uh clip.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

All right, next we will share. I forget what I'm all right. So yeah, this is this is gonna be hard to look at, but uh these two take getting high to a level. All right, here we go. Brace yourselves, boys and girls. I've done that with a joint just to gross somebody out at a party, you know. I've never I would never even think to put any weed up my nose. I did it once because I, you know, it was somebody I didn't want to have any more of the joint. So I'm like, all right, you want to hit it now, like after it's been in my fucking nostril, but I didn't enjoy it and I wouldn't do it recreationally. Yeah, it doesn't seem like you took it like a chant, and what the fuck is that? Look like a dog bird.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

Yeah, there it is.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Yeah, that's insane, man.

SPEAKER_13 30:24

This reminds me, remember that little viral clip of one guy, like a black guy, and he was on camera, he took a big giant bong hit, and he just coughed so hard he finally just passed out like from a lack of oxygen or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Oh, it was hilarious. I have had in the course of my life, you know, I'm 55 now, three occasions where I had a what I would only be called a petite mall seizure where you could convulse and then you know kind of pass out. All three of them were directly resulted from coughing too hard, too much uh too smoke or too hot of smoke. Two of them were bong-related, which is why I no longer have one. And one of them was one of those little like little brass one, whatever, little pipes. Right. But sadly, on that incident, I was actually driving uh and came to on uh Tamarin Avenue right in front of the train station at like 2 a.m. on a Wednesday. Uh I had two dudes in the truck with me, and when I woke up, there was only one guy in the truck with me. I'm like, what happened to you know, blank? Oh, he took off. Apparently he had a warrant. So that guy just decided to get dip on out of there. And uh the saddest part, too, is that was the day he met me. So I'm sure he did not have a very high estimation of me, and he probably shouldn't have at the time. But both the other incidents were result of a bong. Um too much smoke or too hot.

SPEAKER_13 31:46

I think I I think I told the story of the time I passed out coming back from Boston and we got stoned. And didn't I tell that story when we were going up to I was driving up with my dad to go see the piano guy?

SPEAKER_02 31:57

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_13 31:58

Oh yeah. We we had driven down that day. Remember when I came back from Boston? We had driven like all day. Or I think yeah, we must have stayed overnight somewhere and then driven the all day. Came down. The first thing I did was went over with you and we got stoned. We like smoked two big fatties. I hadn't smoked any weed in like eight, nine months. All right. This is as long as I'd gone without smoking weed in forever. So I was stoned as hell. Getting my and we're supposed to go up and see my buddy John the piano guy up in Jupiter. So we're driving up there, and as we're driving, I'm like, man, I'm really stoned, because obviously I've been that stoned. And then I started to really just kind of feel like shit. Like I didn't feel good. And then it was like I told him, I was like, hey, uh, I I don't think we're I don't think I'm gonna, you know, let's just turn around and take me home. I I don't think I'm gonna make it, I don't want to go to the piano thing. But we pulled into, I told him as we're getting off the highway, I was like, hey, pull this gas station, I gotta get a water or something. So he pulls in the gas station, I go in and I grab a water, and as I'm grabbing the water, I'm starting to feel the whirlies. You know what I mean? Just starting to get a little, oof, I don't feel so good. And I start, I get over to the counter with the water, and I uh last thing I remember is the the uh the guy behind the counter going, You feel all right, dude? Next thing you know, I wake up, I'm on the ground. I apparently took out my two candy uh uh displays on my way down because there's candy all over the floor. The guy's on the phone with 911 going, yeah, oh wait, no, he's coming too. Hold on, you know, and I just kind of came. I well, that's that's the one time that I was so so deep out that I saw geometrical shit when I came back, which was which was odd. But but I I got up and I just kind of stood up, looked around, I was like, oh shit. And apparently I must have hit my chin on the on the on the counter on the way down or something. My chin kind of hurt. But then I just kind of like walked out, and I was the guy was like, Hey, you can't leave. And I'm like, Oh, why not? Watch, watch me leave. And I guess he probably thought I was driving. So, you know, he was probably freaking out. But I was just walked out and got back in the car with my dad and said, Okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Speaking of dads, um, my dad was witnessed one of those three incidents. Oh, that's hilarious. At my apartment when I lived in uh Charlotte up in like in the early 90s. My buddy Wack, you remember Wack? Uh he had come up uh to visit. So he we're all three. My dad came over from his house, so we could smoke pot at you know at the boys' house. So we're all sitting there. I've got a three foot or a three and a half foot tall glass graphics bong, the one I talked about where you had to use a uh grill lighter to light the damn thing. So long and far away from the mouthpiece. And I had packed it with roaches or something. We were all like running out of weed, filled the whole chamber up. The smoke was way too hot, and I just inhaled this thing and chicken winged right off the chair and hit the ground. And Kerouac grabbed, snatched the bong, and kept it from breaking, and it freaked my dad out something fierce. And that's a really, you know, a bittersweet moment. You know, R.I.P. Dad today I was five years ago today that we lost dad. Or I lost my dad. Yeah. Oh wow, all right. Yeah, June is a shitty month for me. Happy uh, happy, shitty month, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 35:07

Gay Pride Mont, too. Don't forget.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Yeah, and also apparently, and I noticed this at the bank today, it's uh Asian Pacific Islander Month or something. Which was funny because they had the sign, but they only had the sign up in Spanish. So I'm reading it uh in Spanish, and I can I can tell what it says. And I'm like, why would you be telling me Philip Filipino Spanish speaking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough.

SPEAKER_13 35:29

Close, it's close. But anyway, what we just talking about what you said about oh uh uh speaking of Pride Month, I wanted I wanted to get this clip out. This is this is pretty wild. This is all about our our gay friend Rosie O'Donnell.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

Rosie O'Donnell has a facelift. Stop the presses. She did it, she got the facelift, and what's more, she wrote about it in stanza form on her Substack. Now, viewers of this show know that I have some credibility, um, some scholarly authority here as a college minor in creative writing with a concentration in poetry, Maureen. So let me just read. Yeah, that's that's my level of sort of artistry that I bring back.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Actually, got her a job. Holy shit. What's that? That actually got her employed. That's astonishing.

SPEAKER_13 36:20

Not she didn't use it at all, except for right now. Watch this.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Thank you, Maureen. Um it's I don't want to brag. You haven't mentioned that I'm an astronaut, Emily, but I'll let it go. You know, Maureen, I try not to embarrass you by lavishing you in such praise, but people should know. No idea who she is. That is part of your life. They should, they should. I've been, I've been anyway. No, we don't want to brag. Uh here goes Rosie O'Donnell on her substack in reference to this facelift. I used to feel very strongly about facelifts, not casually, morally. I had assigned myself as head of all women who would never, ever. I thought it was a betrayal of feminism, of aging, of our team of women worldwide. And then I lost 50 pounds. Dot dot dot. It wasn't wrinkles, it was gravity. I'd look in the mirror and think, this isn't aging, this is melting with intention. She goes on and on and on. I mean, what, 20 more stanzas here and says, so in January I did it. I found a doctor I trusted who had worked on friends of mine who all looked like themselves, still looked like themselves, just like they had recently been told good news. Uh, and I can't do justice to the stanza breaks and the line breaks she's doing here. So people have to just go to that Substack. Uh, I didn't know she had a Substack. Gotta smash that subscribe button because this is spectacular. Uh, but boy, she I mean, I am a gay woman. She says always happen. I told the executives at Warner Brothers that truth before I started my show. Uh, we're scrolling down. I'm still scrolling, Maureen. That's how long this poem about a facelift is. She says something like, As I get ready for the last day of school with my youngest here at 64 years old, happier than I've ever been in years, just to be alive, able to feel and choose and use my voice whenever I feel called to for the girl I was, the woman I am, and all those joining my ranks as we carry on in act three. This is me. I have chills, I have goosebumps. Um, oh. You want to see the picture? This is F10. Yeah. I don't know if you've seen this. She posted on Instagram.

SPEAKER_13 38:27

All right. Which is the before and which is the after?

SPEAKER_02 38:32

Well, I would say the rounder one is clearly the after.

SPEAKER_13 38:37

Why would you say that? The whole thing was that she was losing weight. Isn't the one on the left?

SPEAKER_02 38:41

No, the whole thing was that she was melting, though, so her skin was sliding down. So I'm assuming that's the one. But but it looks better. I mean, to me. Really? First of all, when you're this, when you're that who gives a rat's ass anymore? Who cares?

SPEAKER_13 38:57

Exactly. That's what I mean. Is it really better? I mean, I well, she's got a big old.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Plastic surgery should be for burn victims and people that suffer from industrial accidents and car wrecks, and it it's yeah, it's but the whole the whole 20 stanza poem thing just makes it uh even even better. Right. And the and the hypocrisy of calling, you know, being somebody who's staunchly against it and then getting it. That same sort of thing you'll notice has happened amongst celebrities as far as the whole um fat praising, like so many healthy at any weight and all that. As soon as Ozimpic and shit came out, and all these fuckers realized they could lose weight the easy way, all of a sudden, all of them, the ones that were proud to be big, are they all just shedding pounds. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_13 39:41

Adele, Lizzo, they all do it. Did you hear the joke that one the one guy that's going around that said about Lizzo on uh on the roast, the Kevin Hart roast? He goes, and what's left of Lizzo is here.

SPEAKER_05 39:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_13 39:55

All right, so since I teased you with that other uh we gotta show this one clip, it's it's pretty good. This is the backhand heard heard round the world. All right, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 40:14

This is ahead of Mortal Kombat.

SPEAKER_13 40:20

The kiss. The kiss on the back of the hand is really what makes it.

SPEAKER_02 40:24

It almost reminds me of the Hassan Chop from Hollywood.

SPEAKER_03 40:31

When somebody winds up like that and you can't at least flop a party or drunk off your ass.

SPEAKER_13 40:38

Well, it looked like those guys were pretty drunk. And by the way, I don't know if you uh uh just maybe my gaydar, but I read it as like all of them were gay. Like these guys were all queens that were that were arguing over something.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

So it was kind of like a Ric Flair slap, like an old school wrestling slap.

SPEAKER_13 40:56

With the kiss.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 40:59

The kiss was the was the kiss of anyway. Yeah, it's hilarious. All right. You're up. Your turn. What do you got?

SPEAKER_02 41:07

Uh let's see. I think I only have three left.

SPEAKER_13 41:14

That's plenty. We're probably gonna run out of time, aren't we?

SPEAKER_02 41:18

All right, this is a pretty good one. This is clear. This is clearly one of these guys has gotta be uh Newsom. Or at least Newsom's prehistoric ancestor. Oh fire.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

Uh-huh. And do you have a zoning variance for that? Like sun but small. Terrific. I call fire. Uh-huh. And do you have a zoning variance for that?

SPEAKER_04 41:41

I hit rock, make fire.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

So, no impact study, no spark mitigation strategy?

SPEAKER_02 41:46

I don't know. Hitting a rock sounds like some kind of an impact study.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

Have you thought about how this is going to impact our blanket makers, legacy stakeholders displaced in our vital wolf pelt manufacturing sector? No. I didn't think so. What is it going to eat? Sticks. Wood. Wood sticks. That sounds like it's going to disproportionately impact caves that don't have wood access. Where does the fire poop?

SPEAKER_02 42:08

That is one of the best sentences in English. Where does the fire poop? Um, if nothing else, watching this is worth it just so that you can add that to your lexicon.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

I call small sky. Oh no. That's going to offend the sky god, isn't it? I didn't want to bring this up. My nephew, he has cavens, but now we offend the sky god. He's going to give my nephew autism.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

I'm pretty sure everybody had autism back then. I think that's the only thing that kept people alive.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

It's not that I don't like your proposal. It's that I want safe, responsible fire. Who decides safe? The tribe. Oh, we vote! No, no, no, no. No, no. We're gonna have a committee. We'll have an impact review, an air study review, a non-binding referendum from the community as a whole, input from the peace makers.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

Alright, the music in this thing is horrible. I wish there was a way I could turn it down and keep the vocals good, but we'll it's only it's almost over.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

And then at that point, we'll have a supplication for the sky god and give the whole thing over to the council of elders. They will make an informed decision about the possible impacts and externalities.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

Smoky.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

And that's how you solve that. You just eat them.

SPEAKER_13 43:30

Well, it's funny you should it's funny you should play that. I just watched Bill Mayer with uh Spencer Pratt. You know who that is, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, he's the guy running for mayor for of Los Angeles. And dude, Bill Mayer is such an idiot, man. I mean, literally, he he he looks at the guy and goes, Hey, you know what? It's your authenticity. It's what's really is your basic on your success. That's really keep doing what you're doing. Uh-huh. And then he says some stupid shit and he goes, Hey, you really shouldn't do that. Make up your fucking mind, Bill. You said something else kind of stupid like that, too. Like one sentence was one thing, then the next sentence was completely opposite. Like, what the fuck? Anyway. Yeah. Um, speaking of which, did I mention I'm uh in ex jail for 30 days now?

SPEAKER_02 44:15

Oh, outstanding. And you're locked out of everything.

SPEAKER_13 44:19

And it's because they are anti-Semitic sons of bitches. Because all I would said was that to save the Jews, we might have to the Zionists. And they threw me off there. I, you know, I knew they were going to do it. I put the I put the wrong word. I should have said unalived or whatever the fuck you're supposed to say.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

And I were pushing the wrong word. Those who want to stir the shit pot must occasionally taste the spoon.

SPEAKER_13 44:48

I just don't care.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

Whatever.

SPEAKER_13 44:51

All right. I think I got one more that was pretty good. I wanted to share just the beginning of this one show. Because I thought that the the uh the analogy this guy makes at the beginning of the show is just fucking brilliant.

SPEAKER_05 45:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 45:14

And welcome to Useful Idiots Monday morning, where we watch the Sunday morning news show so that you do not have to. I'm Katie Helper.

SPEAKER_12 45:20

I'm Eric Matte. Good Monday morning. Thanks so much for being here. Great to start the week with you and all the lovely people, the lovely people we make fun of on corporate TV. Our website is useful idiotspodcast.com. Go there to support the show, get bonus content. We're broadcasting from New York City, where I'm not sure if you guys heard this, but we just had a big clan rally right in the middle of town. Uh they're called the Ju Klux Klan. Uh they support a supremacist cult called Israel. And just like their KKK forebearers, they're bipartisan. Uh you had some uh far-right extreme characters there like Bezilov Smotric, some Republicans. You also have Democrats like near Governor Kathy Hokel and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. And uh this comes as Israel is continuing to terrorize the people of Lebanon, ordering more people to flee, continuing to bomb Gaza, uh, is threatening to escalate its war in Lebanon because it wants to blow up any chance of uh any remote chance of a US-Iran ceasefire. And this has happened more on our side of the pond, closer to home, where um the UK just banned two people, two prominent leftists, Hassan Piker and his uncle Jank Wieger, uh, because they criticize Israel. So now you're you're in the civilized Western world, criticize Israel, criticize the holy state. You can't even travel to another foreign country. Yeah, so can View Klux Klan.

SPEAKER_06 46:52

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

Yeah, well, it would be funny to see if we get a flag for that from YouTube, considering that clip was off of YouTube.

SPEAKER_13 47:01

Exactly. Just don't put it in a shortcut. Don't put it in a short, we should be okay. And you know, that's funny, they bring up an interesting point. They won't let in Sank or that other guy because they uh they uh criticized Israel. But if Netanyahu sets sets foot in Britain, they arrest him. So which fucking side are they on? I I'm confused. I don't know. Whatever. All right, that's about the last clip I had. Do you got any more?

SPEAKER_02 47:31

No, I'm good. I'm out.

SPEAKER_13 47:33

Yeah, actually, I have this one last one. Let's see. I I forget what it's even about, so let's check it out and see what it says. Oh, yeah. This is not so funny, but it's just this fucking douchebag.

SPEAKER_11 47:47

That's oh here. The uh have at it. So don't frozen Iranian bank accounts after they after they started getting bombed by Iran. Yes, but it was a big, it was a big strategic failure on the financial side. And you jumped right in. And we we we jumped right in. And International Economic Forum. We I I believe that we have seized about a billion dollars of their crypto.

SPEAKER_13 48:15

Okay, what's the point of crypto if they can seize it?

SPEAKER_02 48:18

Yeah, and how the fuck do you do that?

SPEAKER_13 48:20

I don't know. But that's the whole point of it. We'll see what LCS say. It's only got a minute or something.

SPEAKER_11 48:25

And you know, just outright seize it. Just outright grab the wallets. Some of the some of them may be like typing in right now and realize they might not realize that their wallet had been grabbed. And we are working with our allies all over Europe to grab villas and houses and properties. And this is money that's stolen from the Iranian people.

SPEAKER_10 48:47

But you've you've frozen the offshore accounts. I mean, people may not understand that the Revolutionary Guard, they own so many of the businesses, they've been stealing money from the Iranian people. That's a hopeful. Yeah, we don't we don't care.

SPEAKER_13 49:02

Yeah, it's like I thought that was the whole point of crypto, is that it was independent and they couldn't fuck with it.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Yeah, decentralized and yeah.

SPEAKER_13 49:11

Poor saps. And he even says right there, it's like, hey, sorry about the people that now, like anybody that has crypto, is like, hey, where will my crypto go?

SPEAKER_02 49:19

It's the same people that think that a VPN is going to make a difference. It's the same people that think that putting something in the cloud is actually somewhere in a fucking cloud. You know, a VPN is just now you've just centralized all your information and given it to one guy instead that can sell it that much easier. And then as far as the cloud, it's just somebody else's computer, and it always has been. Yeah, yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_13 49:44

Well, I I'm out. I'm out of stuff to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 49:48

Yeah. Oh, uh, one quick thing. We are uh right at 99. Just somebody out there, please, hit that subscribe button. We don't beg you to do it very often. You know, it doesn't cost you anything. Love to see us hit triple digits.

SPEAKER_13 50:01

The only thing I I I'll miss about being kicked off X is being able to just put the episodes on there. But okay. I'm getting pretty damn popular at X.

SPEAKER_02 50:09

And you should be getting close to your six months on Facebook, I would think.

SPEAKER_13 50:14

Well, I again I have no way to get that unless you come over with your phone and take a picture of my ID. I can't get on Facebook. I got nothing. Well, I got nothing I've tried. I took the video. We'll do that in July.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

If if the time stamp is right, if it's late enough, we can do that when I come down for Dave Smith.

SPEAKER_13 50:32

There you go. I mean, I tell you the truth. Again, other than the pictures and the videos, which the videos are really the biggest thing I miss, I could give a fuck about. Although I gotta tell you, it's funny, you know, they say social media makes people less social or whatever. Since I've been kicked off Facebook, I go out a lot less. Because I don't know what's going on. I have no idea where anybody's playing, what's going on here or there. So I just sit home and I don't go out anymore.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Don't worry. If we once we get a Slack doctor's Facebook page, I won't let you have any access to it.

SPEAKER_13 51:06

You can start one of those now.

SPEAKER_02 51:08

I gotta keep it safe.

SPEAKER_13 51:10

All right, guys. What's 904-549-9024? Give us a call. Hopefully, while we're on the air, on the air, while we're in the studio or on the on the the white white are we gonna be able to do this with with the technology? Well it'll be coming all from your end, right? If somebody when somebody calls. Uh yeah, I think uh yeah. Yeah, so yeah, it'll be fine. Technically, we'll be able to handle it. Although let me ask you this if somebody calls and there's already somebody is there like a busy signal or a waiting or no idea. We'll have to wait till we get a call and then while that call's on, I'll try to call and see what happens. All right, guys.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

Like, comment, share, subscribe, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_13 51:51

We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

Thanks, guys.