Just the Two of Us - RTB Ep. 9

Laugh with Alec and Huwe! Bringing the podcast to great outdoors this week for a rare 1 on 1 buzzed convo about what's been happening lately! Whole team back next week! Enjoy.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Alright. We are back. What's up, guys? Um, I'm here with your local, very prolific, notorious uh Cenophile, James Hubert.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

The most stylish one on the podcast, according to uh one middle-aged black guy. Push the phone down, push the phone down. Yeah, dude. According to the uh the most stylish guy on the podcast, according to one middle-aged black guy. Yeah, dude, he really fucked.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

He said, uh what did he say? I really like the guy with the shorts on. It's so funny too, because I was like looking at it and it's like he always wore like the most outlandish shit on the on the podcast. So I'm like, yo, what's who's which one? Who had shorts today? And yeah, actually, you had like your fit together. Like it was pretty.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Yeah, I was actually dressed pretty normal that day. He's like this guy's style. Pretty normal fit.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I was like, is he wearing his baggage shirt? No, that was today. That is today. That is today. I just fucked up uh like three dozen oysters. I had like the fattest nap when I got home.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

That's right. We're getting money like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Yeah, bro. I'm really I it's funny too, because like uh like eating like a shit ton of like just fresh seafood, I really feel like a mob boss. Yeah, I feel like just like eating the loudest five, dude. Yeah. Dude, I just felt just slurping away and just like just shucking them in. I just feel I feel like I feel like I gotta have a napkin tucked in my shirt and shit, bro. Not paying the tab either. It's like yo, your grandma's got the tab, dude. I'm fucking going crazy on these fucking oysters today. Napkin tucked into the wife beater. They were so sick, dude. I I I love eating oysters, bro. Like, I'm I'm a I'm a pretty big oyster guy, and like none of my friends like oysters. Like, so I I never have anyone to eat them with. So like whenever Peyton's like family comes into town, I'm just like, as soon as he gets here, I'm like, yo, we gotta hit up. We gotta like smash some oysters, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Yes, dude. Every every which way, like w uh fucking cocktail sauce, the mignonette sauce. Yeah, I'm just a char grilled fucking however dude raw, like I'm a raw lemon juice and Tabasco guy.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Just fucking just drown it. Just drown it and just hammer it. Bro, heard that puts him away, bro. Yeah, dude. He had like six dozen six dozen oysters, bro. I was like, Yeah, I was gonna say it to my stomach like watching. Like halfway through, I was like, yo, how is he doing it?

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Fucking like father like son, bro. Yeah, um, I I worked at an oyster bar during college. And so I remember like he like he came in and they sat in my section, and it was like the whole fam and everything, and it was like him, his dad, and like uh a few other people. Like one of his dad's friends, maybe. Yeah, and dude, it was like fucking like 14 trays of oysters.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

It's crazy, it's insane. Like just slamming it, right? And you gotta be like, dude, there's like a difference between like and seafood and oysters. Because like oysters is like that's seafood.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

It's it yeah, those they're seabuggers, bro. Yeah, but that's seafood, bro. They slide right down your throat.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Just slamming 68 oysters, bro. Like, no problem. Just dipping them.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Yeah, I would dude. I would I would drop because you know, it would come in a little ice tray and everything. Yeah, I would drop them off and like the ice like had like not even really melted at all.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Dude, it just straight up, bro. It's like finger foods. It's like French fries.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

That's what would piss me off, is like whenever I would have a table and they would just be eating the oysters just slow as shit. And so like they'd just be melting.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

They were doing an outside podcast, just June bugs everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

They'd be melting underneath the hot Manhattan sun. Yeah. And uh and uh I'm like having to carry the tray bag is fucking not spec heavy as fuck with like cold water.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Fresh Manhattan oysters, dude. They're just the best. There's no other way to do it. There were gaps, bro. I I there's like a big part of me that like uh everyone like talks about like how you get like like like sick off of food and like you never want to eat it again. I'm like so scared that like that's the food that's gonna do it to me.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Because like people eat like you know, raw seafood and you fucks them up pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

If I ever get like yeah, dude, if I ever get like fog or even just like food poisoning, or I guess it's just like sick to your stomach. You eat enough oysters, you'll get sick to your stomach. Did you know there's also like two and a half grams of protein per oyster? And it's like it's like 20 calories per oyster.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

It's like a scoop of protein powder, like it's 25 grams per dozen, basically.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

It's pretty good. Yeah, you eat like a dozen of it, it's like 30, some like 25-30 grams of protein. And like her dad's like uh he said there's like there's no way for them to get good protein, like sources of protein on the island where he lives. So when he comes here, he's just fucking proteining enough off oysters only, dude. He just can rip this fuck off oysters. It's fish.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

I mean, he's eating fish, it's just lean protein he has over there. They're red meat's probably expensive as fuck, though.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah, because it's like I don't even know if they're really like necessarily they definitely have like have like some somewhat of like input. They said like the the the cows and shit over there are like just straight muscle. So it's just like just the toughest meat you like ever you could eat.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

What if cows are supposed to look like that? I think they are. They're all they're almost supposed to look like a horse a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Yeah, the American ours are just gonna hit my fucking face by a juke. It's just fun to being able to do like the outside podcast. I like the scenery. Supposedly, uh it's just the two of us today. The rest of the guys pretty much said they're done with this shit.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Yeah, no, actually, alright, so Casey's another story. We'll get to Casey, but here's the thing with Don, alright? Don his girl's in labor with his ninth child right now. Well, one of his girls. He's got multiple baby moms. She's in labor with his ninth child. See, you guys might have noticed that Don has a little bit of a shortened neck. Okay, and the reason for this is when Don was in the womb, all the nutrients that were supposed to go to other extremities just went straight to his cock.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Straight to his meat, dude.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

It's it's fucking he's got a wallop on him. That he's meat pack punched and when you're so he's just lacking the blood there, it all just goes there.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

And uh when you got that, when you're walking around with that kind of power, with with great power comes great responsibility. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

He's like he's like the American recipe team. Yeah. He's just walking around with just hung, bro.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Just hung as shit, and he's just choking bitches for the and impregnating them. Yeah. And so that's why we're episode nine. Nine! Nine episode nine. I like that. And uh, and he's had he's having the ninth child, so he's just I dude.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

I do uh I hope the guys get it together. I'm sick of them. If this was a job, boy, would they be fired by now. They're lucky we're not getting paid jack.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

They should be locked in the fucking gulag if this were a job, dude.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Is this is this sick though? Like if we can like figure out how to just like riff with just two of us, like maybe this would the thing is, it's like yeah, I hope it's never at a point to where it's like, I mean, like I would chop it up, like just me and Don, like we can get some shit together. We were talking, I was talking about this with like David too. And uh it's like chemistry is like a legit thing. So if we keep having absences like this, if there ever is a time where it's like only two of us can record and it's the person who's like the least amount of time on camera, uh like the awkward moments on camera are like so awkward. I remember like re-watching like the first few times we recorded, and like if there's awkward pauses, I'm just like like cringing, like uh post this shit.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Well, we were getting hammered as fuck, and what like we weren't Casey's just having deep thoughts. Yeah. We were getting hammered as fuck. Uh we kind of went in there. We probably had it, it should have had more ideas like this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like we like at this point, we probably could go in raw dogging it a little bit. We were going in with no experience and raw dogging it, and that was that was just turning into the It was literally like first time sex type shit. Like he didn't really know you were done. I mean, I did.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

But speaking of first times, like practicing my pillow. Yeah. I've been uh superstar. Johnny finished his other yellow, yellow cover, just yellow pillowcase, dude.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

I was doing stiffest football breaking and you can chop cocaine with my fucking pillowcase, bro. Oh dude, yes. Alright, I went to uh I took I took my my cousin um and uh and his girlfriend out, which I wasn't sure how it was gonna go because she's like uh you know, she's like a huge country mouse. She's from a town of 700 people.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Where's she from?

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Uh like a town in Iowa. Uh and uh called and um took her out there and I was like this comedy show. It's not quite the late show because the the wet the late show gets really out of pocket. Um but it was like uh I think it started like eight o'clock, went to like ten o'clock on that show, and uh like the acts are good and everything, and um this one dude comes up and like like if you look off to the stage, he couldn't make it up to the stage because his comedy club doesn't have it didn't have like a ramp. So he was just on the side and he was like like literally like 18 inches away from this fucking one guy. He was a Donovan's cock length away from this fucking one guy. Uh and like like right there, he's got he's like he's I guess he's technically quadruple because like he could only kind of like move his arm like this. He just only did leg day. He did head day, bro. And um he had uh like he had like some funny bits, but there's like one he was just talking about like doing like a bunch of cocaine. I was like, I I didn't even that even cross my mind when you think about a disabled person. Like, what are their drug habits?

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Yeah. See, a disabled person has to hit drugs way harder than somebody who can actually walk around like freelance. Yeah, so have to just go like so hard.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

They have to know they have like a short lifespan already, so like why not just fucking send it.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Like they like the kid from Breaking Bed, I know that dude fucking could just snort a pile. I know he can just go crazy on an eight-ball. Fucking Walt Junior, dude.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

That's the only way he walks straight.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah, dude, just walk junior. He's fucking it's the fucking coke. He starts walking straight, dude. Yeah, but it's like if I'm I will say, like, if I'm like a paraplegic or quadruple, if I'm just like fucked up to the gills, dude, I'm like, I'm I'm hammering drugs. Like, there's no way I'm not. There's no way I'm not hammering drugs. Absolutely. I'm already got nerfed. Like, I'm just I'm absolutely going balls to the wall on everything I get my hands on.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

Yeah, I mean he's doing comedy, he's fucking like he's doing cocaine. Uh one of the the host is like, no, he was actually out there doing donuts parking lot. There was a white girl. He was hanging out with like this white girl. That was the thing. He was like, Yeah, like these white bitches love me. I was like, maybe they got the softest hearts, bro.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

You really can't pull on the strings, dude.

unknown 10:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Was he black? No, it was he would have been drowned in the bitch if he was a black quadruple jig. White bitches would have been all over that, dude.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

It was uh fucking you're probably absolutely right.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Uh it was a Hispanic guy.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Oh, dude, that's close enough. Yeah, it was it was it was a Hispanic guy.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Was he he said was he funny though?

SPEAKER_03 10:35

Yeah, he was like he had some good like punch lines and everything.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

That's sick. You don't want to go do an open mic. We were talking about it like uh last time we were here because she was putting it out pretty good. Like if at first we're like, yeah, let's try to get let's try to get a couple minutes down, like do some jokes around like June. If we put it off to June, June will come around and then we'll put it off to the end of the year. And then the end of the year will put come around and like we'll never do it. Yeah. I want to rip the bandit, like rip the band-aid off and like just go up there on a fucking open mic night.

unknown 11:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

I I could come up with a minute. Definitely I can come up with a minute. Do you have anything like written down for like a minute, minute bit?

SPEAKER_03 11:08

I one, it wouldn't be the first time that I put on a poor performance for less than three minutes. But but two, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got some shit. Yeah, fuck yeah. A lot of it comes from just from like just rifting on here. We're just bullshitting on I'm sure like like at a certain point you change topics. It's getting meta because we're talking about the podcast while on the podcast. But like we'll change pot like topics, but we we try to make it organic so you like kind of pivot into like the next thing. That's basically what they do with their jokes. Like you find a reason to like any kind of reason to work in this thing, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

I mean you can definitely put some shit together. But when you're doing like an open mic for like a like one of the small like clubs up there in Houston, it's not gonna be like a five-minute thing, right? They're gonna throw you up there for a minute the first time. Like two minutes, two minutes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

And you can always just fucking like it's not like they're gonna hold a gun in your head, like, hey, you got you got 45 seconds left, dog.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

You haven't done a plank for two minutes, dude? Feels like fucking all night.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Wait, doing a what?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

A plank for like a two-minute plank, dude?

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Well, think about it. It's just a it's just a like it's a it's a round of boxing. It's really what it is. That's fair. And you sparred. Yeah, yeah. There's way more shit.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Okay, you're in the moment. It zooms by.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

There's way more shit coming at you.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do it, bro. I but I just like I feel like I'm gonna forget the shit. It's like studying for a test. You know what I mean? Like you study and you study and you study, and as soon as the paper drops in front of you, immediately like everything fucking leaves your head. I've that's that's my biggest fear is like getting up there and just being like, oh fuck, dude, what did I write?

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Yeah, some a mile shit. Like actually, like just like forget. I I died, uh just fuck it.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Well, the thing, that's what I always said. Like, if I ever get on Kill Tony, all I have to do is like stutter and drool a little bit, and everyone's like, this guy's fucking amazing. Stutter and drool. Give him a golden ticket. Yeah, you're like, Yeah, dude. I could definitely drop a couple in bombs up there.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Just say faggot a few times.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yeah. Sorry. No, it's okay. It's all good, dude. More editing for me. Homeboy from Lake Charles is gonna love that shit, dude.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

He was having a whole conversation in the comments, dog.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I love the support though, bro.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

He was watching the I was like, oh look, they're having a discussion. And I was like, no, he's having a discussion.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

It was just like uh, but he was like actively, I think he was, I think he watched the whole thing. He was like answering the questions like throughout the podcast. I was like, whatever we would say, he would just chime in in the comments. I was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Yeah. Alright, I'll fuck with it. He he probably he wishes that we would have continued the little gambling, even though like like we're we are not gambling experts by any means. Dude, no, bro. Giving out just trash advice.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Absolutely not. I went up there and I was just telling people to put everything they had on like a certain number that hasn't hit once, like all night on roulette. It's like, and I fucking I go on the worst streaks on roulette, too. It's like it's literally a 50-50 chance, or I guess 48, 48 for like red and black. Yeah, dude, I'll hit the meanest fucking just missed streak like on like just colors.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah, absolutely. Dude, it would all be the same shit. And I do wonder like how accurate like the electronic one. They could just straight up be bullshitting you like 80-20.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Like on the ones that we were on?

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Yeah, they could for sure. It's it is electronic, it's not a fucking physical wheel.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Yeah. But that I trust that one enough because it is yeah, it is a little, it's a physical wheel. So I trusted enough. I made money. Yeah, exactly. I made money, dude. I trust it enough, bro. I wouldn't be the two. I would fucking die for that machine, bro. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

I'm fucking put my job, dude. Hey, dude, you make you make 700 bucks on that, and you're like, Yeah, bro. I'm not here, dude. It's nine o'clock shit. Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

I'll bought my fucking duplex on roulette, dog.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

Winning money at Lake Charles, and anytime I sell just the most just the smallest item on fucking Poshmarker Deep.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Yeah, dude. Just Facebook Marketplace. Some shit you don't need anymore that some Mexican has like look been looking for for the last three weeks.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

My drip generates income, dude. Like, how could you do a fucking nine to five?

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Dropping money, dude. You want my old hoodie? You fucking bean. That was me eating the oysters. I do want to go up there, bro. I think we're definitely gonna like get it done soon. I I want to go up there together, though. Like, I can't. I want to have my boys with me, bro. It's like you don't want to go to a gangbang if you're the only person there. It's like you gotta see a familiar face at the gangbang, bro. Or it's just you gotta live with that shit forever. Unless I absolutely bomb.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Well, it's like I get that either either you you have to know absolutely nobody, like you better not see a soul. Yeah. Which that's more likely because it, you know, you're you're slightly on the outside of Manhattan, and the open mics, they're like more downtown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like like downtown, downtown. You're in the the suburbs. You're in the suburbs of Manhattan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So uh so you probably might not run into someone that you know already.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

But uh I don't think I would run into anybody I know. That would suck, like going up there and I see like so imagine it's like my first time trying to open mic, and I have like a couple racist jokes that I just want to drop on this crowd, and like the owner of the place that I work at is like in the crowd, like on a date or something, and he recognizes me, and I'm just like, oh fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

The thing though is like anybody I know who would even be at an open mic probably has a good sense of humor. And like I know that, you know, because that's fair. It's one thing if you're going to a comedy show, yeah, yeah. We're like, oh, I went to go see fucking Jim Jaffkin. Oh, I went to go see uh fucking Marcello, whatever the fuck. But like uh, if you had an open mic, like those are the Ranchi guys. You're see you're there to see some goofy shit.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Cutthroat guys, like I'm trying to just make it.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

It's like going to the fucking Ritz at uh at lunch break. Yeah, bro. You know you're not getting the A squad. Absolutely not, dude.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I'm here to get an easy nut, dude. I don't want to fucking work for this shit.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

I want an easy nut. I want to see fucking uh how many gunshots you survived. C sections.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

I will say, like, I don't want to like Is it like a blue crowd? Uh like a lib crowd, dude.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

Yeah, not really, no.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

You don't think so? Nah, because like I mean the first time I went to like the riot and like was like thinking about like, oh maybe I can try some of these jokes out. I just saw like four bitches with like wrist scars and blue hair walking in. I was like, dude, they would not fuck with my shit.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Yeah, but like the rest of the crowd would probably laugh at you, like that's not funny! I mean, yeah, like if they did bitch you, then you just have like more stuff to go off of, you know? Um I mean i I to be fair, for for for being w one one of the one of the literally the gay bood of Manhattan. Uh it's still like pretty like pretty middle of the line. Like they have all types of like if you can uh honestly get a vibe by which comics come through there. Yeah. It is all types.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

That's fair.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

It's all types. You got fucking people are there to laugh, bro.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Yeah, you got I just like I always see like the the the videos online of people like Oh, you don't like my joke? Why don't you go to some poetry thing down the road if you don't like my joke? You can't handle it. And the people are always like spazzing out.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Fucking Brian Cowan's there this weekend, actually.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

I saw Brian Cowan uh uh comedy uh mothership.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Yeah, yeah. I'm glad he's back out touring.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

He's dog shit.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

Really?

SPEAKER_01 18:13

He's dog shit, dude. He's bombed, he bombed.

unknown 18:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

He had like some weird fucking gay joke about like some guy that was like some kind of piano master. He was like a pianist, and he was like dropping like niche like like pian piano lingo, like pianist lingo, like dropping pianist names and stuff, and everybody in the crowd was like, dude, talk about dicks and pussies and stuff. We don't know anything about pianos, bro. What the fuck are you doing up here?

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Esoteric fucking uh instrument set, dude.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

He was just like dropping symphony jokes. I was like, bro, this is the wrong fucking crowd. He kept going, he kept digging in too.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

When when someone because he he he's like put out multiple specials, like he's not like new at this or anything. I wonder when a comic does some shit like that, I wonder if like they're literally like backstage, you're like, I'm gonna make I'm gonna make a whole set just out of fucking bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

I do think like you get a certain thing. Yeah, you just try to make up a joke as you go.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

Like, like uh, like yeah, if you get good enough, you're like uh, dude, I'm gonna talk about TCBY yogurt. Yeah, all set. My whole set is gonna be about TCBY yogurt. Watch this shit. By the cashier is like high on meth. Yeah, and like it you don't care about like the whole whole crowd because you know your boys are in the back, like hopefully like laughing. Yeah, he's like, he's actually doing the fucking TY yogurt. No, he's doing the TGPY, dude. He's doing the TCPY. Talking about yogurt for 45 minutes, dude.

unknown 19:26

How the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Nah, he was talking shit, dude. I can't even lie, bro. I was like looking at paint, I was like, yo, this good fucking, I could do it. Ryan Callan fucking sucks, dick, dude. I can do this shit. There's a couple of there's uh there's one comedian that we saw her name. It was a girl, she was a chick, she was the funniest one of the night, too. And her was Kim something. It's like a Puerto Rican girl. But she was funny as fuck, dude. She had like this joke about how like uh she's super OCD, and like the way that she thinks was like fucking like just her the way she thinks was like so fucked up, and like for the longest time she thought she wanted to fuck her brother. And at the end of the joke, she was like, I realize I'm super OCD because I don't even fucking have a brother. The whole crowd was like, whoa! It was really funny. She was funny as shit. Like she was the she was the best comedian of the night. The last, do you know who I think his name's Derek Poston?

SPEAKER_03 20:16

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

He's a black dude, bro. He always wears like the flat brim hats, snap back like flat brims, and like we were in the front row of the comedy mother shit, like front row, like hand out, touch the stage if I wanted to. Derek posting gets out there, and like the lights like above him, so like you can see, like if you're a foot away from him, you can see everything. Dude, he was just like putting out fires. He was spitting so damn much whenever he was talking. Every word was just like spit and shit. And how to like put her hand over her drink, she was like, Oh my god, I don't want to spit in my drink. It was kind of gross as fuck. He's doing a cipher up there. He's just like the crackhead, just like just fucking zombie walker on stage is you get the mic, and the next person goes gets the mic and it fucking smells like dog shit.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

I will see that. Like, like some people have the mic at the right, like closest.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Someone would be like, like, really like I'd have to bring my own mic.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Yeah. I'd have to bring my own fucking mic, dude.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Like his top golf with like Burt Kreischer openly talks about how he doesn't brush his teeth. Imagine going on like after Burt Kreischer. And like the mic just smells like someone just rubbed it on their paint for a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

Fucking nut. It's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

It's terrible, dude. Yeah. It's gross as shit, bro. No, I don't fuck with that. This is shit on the mic. Man, what did this motherfucker have for lunch? Dog ass? This bro, just this bro just ate a bowl of ass and came up here and started telling jokes. Damn, Leanne. He didn't take a shower. You need to douche that shit.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Oh, speaking of eating ass, alright. So uh I've been like you try to expand every couple years, you try to expand like your music palette. everything like into more music and shit. Okay. Oh, no, I I I alright so I my I asked I asked my co I assume it's a music recommendation. So my coworker gave me his uh his his mixtape. Yeah got my mix I got a mixtape from my coworker. For context he's like he's like 50. He's like a 50 year old Latino. Okay. Very into that chopping scrooge sound. Okay. Like uh like he's like you know like that Mexican OT? Yeah he's like that Mexican AARP Okay he's uh he's you know he's getting 50 but dude I listened to his mixtape and it's just so sexual and vulgar bro like he I know he eats Kevin Gates I know he eats ass yes dude Kevin Gates bro yes it's fucking I'm stipping my tongue up in that ass little boy yeah fucking Latino Kevin Gates Kevin Kevin Wade Kevin Wade and uh yeah like I mean like don't get me wrong like I'm in the trenches I I assume my homies or my my co-workers my male coworkers my homies they're also men of culture yeah I dabble yeah I dabble fish you know I eat oysters bro come on bro and uh but like just to have audio proof is crazy yeah no yeah that's the kind of guy like you're not getting aux if you get in my car like straight up especially if it's only just me and you it's like what are you trying to tell me right now bro yeah I'm just I mean I'm happy for him like like you know they say like you get to 50 like the suicide rate you skyrocket for man and he's out there not him dude he's out there in the streets just fucking Motellos full sugar monsters dude because he needs the calories because he's fucking he's he's like burning off he's just galloping around nuts full of nuts full of cum dude he's gotta fuck something dude gotta fuck something no idea what a Blue Chew is he's like what these kids are grown and shit so he's like dude he's fucking having rumspringer right now like he's a dad yeah oh yeah full grown kids like imagine like you just go pick up your kids from school you just got like your sex pillars just like blaring dude picking up your kids from elementary school he's got his son rapping so his son's heard this shit that's not good bro that's not fucking good that's dangerous dude that guy that guy's a cinephile for sure I didn't think about that actually because he showed me videos of like him in the studio with his son which is cool like they bombed like that or whatever but like his son's heard his shit like hey hey hey Mijo can you make sure we're recording about talk about eating pussy and ass in the studio I know my dad's favorite sex bullish doggy that's fucking crazy reverse cowgirl that's nuts bro yeah uh I that's I mean hey everyone's like the relationship with their dads like a little different like some people like just like listen like sex music with their dads I'm trying to put my dad on conspiracy theories right now it's fucking it's not we went to the uh what's a yard house the other night went to go have dinner at a yard house and um he's like a super conservative guy he started saying shit like about like the Iran and the Muslims and all that shit that's going on right now.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

I mean I was just like this is a wormhole like I'll give up this can of worms like I'd good luck putting this shit back in there. And like just started talking to him and he started saying something about like do Muslims if you know the the the the the countries are bad and they want to kill all of this and this and that yada yada and like I just started like saying one thing about like the Jews and he was like I don't know I think they're I think they're they're good guys and like we're on our team and I was like dude don't make me fucking don't make me walk back out of your life bro like don't make me do this right now thin eyes buddy you better fucking dance buddy yeah I'm trying to like put them on bro and uh I'll put you on the on the train out of my life six million huh yeah so I was we just like we were like getting an argument like he was like I I just started like spitting game on him and like asking him a bunch of like questions and shit. I was like do you know about this do you know about that you know about this he's like no I don't know about okay well to tell the truth I don't like really know too much about it and need to do some more research. So I just put like sitting them with all the fucking based Instagram reels that pop up on my timeline. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Sending them to him I'm gonna introduce this dude to Nick Fuentes he has no idea what he's in for bro Dude it it is so funny like uh like he's like handholding your kid well actually what what's a bigger mindfuck is whenever uh like your parents try to act like your parents who are like very very you know like plugged in yeah I guess blue pillow whenever it just comes like well blues and shit like that. Yeah they they try to they try to put you on game they try to act like they're putting you on game yeah or something like like my mom like like like or someone's parent who like you know they caught them with weed they're like oh you're gonna go to hell like yeah yeah yeah all these shit mom yeah exactly they're like you're gonna go to hell or like you're gonna you're gonna automatically become a loser because you smoked weed but then like Hillary Clinton's a lizard and you're like she is she is a lizard but that's not the point I can like you can't just flip flop on me like that dude that's a fucking red herring bitch.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

She's not apologizing okay okay first of all if it weren't for me smoking weed I actually wouldn't know that Hillary Clinton was a lizard so you need to back the fuck up with other she's a vampire but she's not a lizard dude she's a reptile she's a reptile from the middle of the earth bro she's there are lizards but besides the point I don't like lizard people bro dude the more I think that I'm kind of fucking they might be fucking lizards dude they might be lizards bro like I'm kind of nah I'm not that deep I don't dude they might be fucking lizards bro they might be lizards at this point it's like bro the the conspiracy theories that they're like bro I'm shooting at it I'm I'm hitting I'm batting a thousand right now bro like everything ends up being true eventually I I feel like the fucking the quadriplegic on cocaine just like spazzing him telling people I told you so I have an uncle that's like since I was like a kid he's been telling he's fucking on drugs dude he's crazy as shit he's like such a he's on drugs bad but he's funny as fuck dude and like he always tells me like you motherfuckers think I'm drunk I'm part of the CIA I know everything I get you guys fucking arrested you know what AI is right that's called Anthony intelligence that's what that shit's for he's fucking he's like he he's like the OG conspiracy theorist in my life and like the older I get because whenever I was younger my mom always just be like yeah he's just on drugs like this is what happens when you get on drugs Trevor he's yeah as I've gotten older I've done no drugs I'm like yo is this motherfucker like he might be serious he might be for real he might know what he's talking about no Nostradamus he's nosos nosotros todamos nosotros damos the prophet the Puerto Rican prophet nosotros damos yeah yeah yeah he knows what he's talking about bro that's kind of scary maybe I should start doing drugs dude tap into fucking tap into the netherworld dude I crack's cheap dog oh we have these normal ass chairs and fucking sag like crazy I'm just happy like you're not fucking manspraying like crazy break the chair yeah dude cracking I can't not manage bro I don't want to fuck off your chairs it's like you haven't said anything in four minutes you're like fucking broke this bitch hold on this man I broke my shit boys for some reason when she said June bugs in my head I was thinking ladybug six foot three junebugs bro um PTA won his his first Oscar legacy Oscar is what people were calling it because one battle after another is incredible very very very good movie but in his body of work maybe not because he's just put out bangers like that you know so but like they'll do it they'll call it a legacy award of like he was just like you he was on like the re they called the revenue Leo's legacy award because he had better movies than that.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

Yeah that's what pisses me off too it's like for this one this is the one you just gave it to his best at his uh best performance you know yeah it's uh but also it's uh it's so weird bro it makes it's like because like I think Leo could have won a should have won an Oscar or at least could have I think Marty Supreme should have won the Oscar team I think Timothy should have won an Oscar but uh that's like the third time that like a director won like the Oscar for the best film and Leo was like the main star in it but Leo didn't get an Oscar for it.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

It was uh Christopher Nolan did it with Leo and uh someone else did another Martin Scorsese I don't think it was Scorsese it was um it was another actor I don't remember who it was but it was like a it was like Leo again like and like he was like the main one and he didn't win it but all three of those act uh directors like won like the best picture and it was like whenever they casted Leo. Probably Tarantino or like Scorsese or like one of them like one of them dude I don't remember which one it was oh maybe it was for Titanic oh yeah probably maybe it was Titanic.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Yeah I don't remember dude but anyway and then so like you've been watching like more of his movies. You didn't like Boogie Knights that that was one of his that was one of his first ones but dude he's had a lot of other really good movies you're uh rewatching There Will Be Blood dude thereby blood is fucking badass.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

There'll be blood is so good. Cole Cole like Cole because Cole recommended Boogie Knights to me and um I hated it and it's not even like the movie itself like in the acting was bad or anything it's just like I get it dude like it's it was a sex movie. Let's call it what it is it's a sex movie.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

It makes it makes the movie It was on my neck just fucking dude buy me dinner first holy shit dude I I got a fucking hickey nah it's it's I got moasted dude by this fucking but yeah no I it that movie does make more sense if you've done cocaine though I will say that's why Cole loves it so fucking much that that scene where they're like you want to be my mom? That probably makes no sense you're like why the fuck are they talking like that? It's because they're just they're they on high on so much cocaine just coked up dude yeah where like every idea seems good whenever you're that high on cocaine in the sound I get it.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

It just wasn't for me.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

Yeah yeah yeah it's just like but he does write characters just flawed characters where you're like the movie had enough comedic relief that I didn't absolutely hate it.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Yeah yeah yeah and that's what I was gonna say about Derby Blood like Derby Blood had like no comedic relief. Zero zero it was but it was phenomenal and like to tie back into it like Cole Cole recommends like movies to me all the time and a lot of times I watched them I'm like dude Cole this movie's fucking dog shit. This movie this movie show this Cole recommended and Punchdruck Love I hated Punchdruck Love it was like too sporadic it was just it was like anxiety driven I I didn't understand the plot it was like there wasn't a plot. It felt like a like a kind of like a Safety brothers film yeah yeah yeah yeah in a in a PTA film in the same film yeah yeah and but most of like PTA's like films like have enough comedic relief but there are people that had like no comedic relief but I loved it. From beginning to end I was like dude this movie's badass.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

It was like um you saw Nightcrawler right yeah Jake Jones he's basically that guy like he's like a so he's a purebred sociopath and I think it's something really interesting about seeing like a just a pure sociopath on screen. Yeah just like he literally is like I hate people and I want to get and I want to make enough to get away from them.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

But that's literally that movie's just straight up about like greed. Yeah and it's like he'll like he'll say whatever he needs to say and do whatever he needs to do.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Just give me the blood give me the blood and I'll get out of here I've abandoned my boy like he fucking he he played his ass off you know what's funny too is I didn't even know I didn't even know who uh Daniel DeLuz was one of my favorite things is the you're doing the milkshake I drink it up what a what about a movie called There Will Be Come Alright we're gonna find a movie call on who wants to come with with Daniel gay Lewis I suck your dick I suck it up I suck it up there will be come this is the first sketch we're gonna do there will be come yeah fuck yeah bro that's gonna be a that's gonna be a bad movie I suck it up I drink your cum I drink it up the age in HW stands for hand job I'm a baby oil man just give me the cum lord give me the cum and let me get out of here it would make the final line where he's like I'm finished the same exact way he ended the same way I'm finished I'm finished that was another thing brother the move the ending to the movie was great he just beat the dog shit out of Paul Dano with a bucket with a bowling pin or there's like a meme going around for a while like Paul Dano gets the shit beat out of him every movie every film dude every movie dude it's like in his agent contract dude even whenever they made on like a retard in the fucking prisoners the dog we're gonna beat your ass dude and honestly I feel like no one in the theater really feels that because you're like dude because you they really make you think he did it I thought he did yeah I thought he did I thought he did so much to the fact that whenever they like let you know that he didn't I was like I don't care did he?

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Well he could have said something you could have spoken up his chest dude he let that shit slide why are you being so fucking weird about it sorry bro you're being fucking weird well who's who was the guy that what was it jog my memory getting prisoners with the one that like had like the baby clothes and like the was he just like a copycat nah he was like involved in that whole like that like ring I don't remember I I guess I need to I've only seen that one once I've seen it twice I should remember it better.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

It was a good movie that was one of the best things where Jake Juanhall just like goes to the door just fucking kiss the door just sniffs it right out like he goes to the pedophile's door and he like deduces like right away like oh you're the guy yeah he does this he does the same scene in like Zodiac remember zodiac whatever he he's like he he's like I know you did it like at the end of it oh yeah he's like I know you did it dude Zodiac's a great movie also guys never won an Oscar who is that Jake Jill and Hall Jake wasn't won an Oscar no dude Jake was like one of the best actors of our generation his only his his only nomination actually was him playing a gay character had a fucking good life a fucking real good life God I wish I knew how to quit you that's shit the call all the time I wish I knew how to quit you okay on the uh it made me think of uh when I was editing videos I was like finding like uh something that was like Vietnam War adjacent for one of the clips we were making and uh I forgot the whole rant from uh um Tropic Thunder where they're like you know go full retard yeah go full because I for I forgot the context of what that actually was about. Yeah yeah and uh it was talking about acting and they they referenced an actual movie where like a big name actor Sean Penn who won an Oscar like was retarded in the movie. What movie was it? Uh it's called I am Sam I haven't seen that one fucking no one it got like 35% of Ron Tim he went full retard and he got it like legit full retard he was like really really special needs like like more than Rain Man. That sucks and uh made made no money like and then it did poorly like critical like like uh the the the the reception like the it was like almost offensive how retarded Sean Penn was like I I I've not seen this movie but I was like reading the synopsis one he's like supposed to be like like like like like more like dumber than than than Forrest Gum and Forrest Gum had an IQ of like 70 which is like quite low straight Somalian he's just straight Somalian dude who is the captain forest dumb uh forrest dump truck because all the retards have bad ass battle as his dude forrest dump truck battle as is dude bro he's on the fucking wagon the whole but uh uh but he's like a barista though and I'm like that's kind of a hard job actually like to be a retard no to be a barista but you're making him like oh special needs guy like a retarded barista yeah he like works at Starbucks he just gives everyone milk just gives just everyone who's like you're not hey and just fucking just straight whole milk can you get pissed off at a retarded barista there's hot liquids dude that's dangerous he's a danger to him him and like himself and others why do you have him back there bro dude okay you're just gonna unwrap the straws for us that's what you're gonna do you're just gonna fuck the straws through count the coins you're gonna count the coins I haven't seen that movie dude um I have no plans to either but I obviously I was like I just remember they referenced that in the movie I was like holy shit is that real I looked it up and he's like sure enough and uh I I bet he probably took the role his agent's like dude you're gonna this is gonna be yours this is the Oscars like it's gonna be that movie for no reason he wasted your time how do you say like how down bad do you have to be to be like yeah I need a role so bad it's like dude there's no way you can fuck this one up I gotta have a role for you I don't I don't think he needed it either yeah that's the thing too is like he was like a because the movie came out like 2001 and like Sean Penn's been in the game for a minute like he was like at uh fast time fast times at Ridgemont High that was like kind of his breakout that was like the 90s or some shit yeah like late 80s taking his fucking uh wild boy surely he fired his agent well yeah 100% you remember like halfway through that movie you're like and then you're like dude cut cut man I can't fucking do this anymore I can't believe you booked this shit for me you did you didn't even let me read the script I read half the script and I was like why are all my lines fucking stupid you didn't tell me I was retarded you're clocking in you're punching a clock through your dude before we shoot every scene they put water on my shirt make it look like I've been drooling that would piss me off so bad bro you gotta get a bag dude you gotta get a box I don't think it did either dude like I I don't think it did well the box office usually like part of what their earnings that sucks they do with the box that's literally simple jack it's literally simple jack bro exactly that fucking sucks I've never even heard of this shit bro for good reason I guess it's we should throw that bitch on that shit on actually that actually would be a great time on dude while streaming like I bet it's on tube it's gonna be like on to be like FUBO that's a stepdad film for sure yeah stepdad's love that film bro all your in-laws yeah in laws like hey you see this movie this movie's fucking great dude I was inspired it's really like yeah it's really like an inspiring movie about me it's like you know Sean Penn was just dropping bombs too whenever he was like off camera he's like what the fuck he's like what the fuck am I doing here we're already fucking five weeks into shooting bro okay back out now I imagine like like a like some girl he went home with like a one night stay I wanna you think that was the same one who tried to fuck me earlier the same June bug that tried to fuck me earlier I have no idea I'm just feeling it and it feels big they're big down good shit fucking Donovan June bug uh yeah going home with a girl you said he's oh Sean Penn going home with a girl he's like yeah fuck the guy from I am Sammy that stupid thing just like or even like worse like if that is like Sean's breakout it's like yeah I'm filming a movie right now yeah I'm a movie star big movie coming out and you're like oh I can't wait to see it.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Anything I've seen you go to the premiere and then like oh I forgot to tell you like I'm a full blown fucking retard in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

It's like just such a jackass that's like a that's like a fucking like in uh the the what the joke show what is it fucking was the joke show uh that was on like true TV practical jokers let's say impractical jokers bullshit yeah it's like that's all you're in a movie okay now go take her to see the movie and she's like what the fuck is this dude a lot of those skits age so well like they did pretty good they're still funny like on like rewatch you know I didn't really watch that shit when it was on TV I think uh so the original I I remember like watching like Sal actually like hangs out with a lot of the comedians the other guy he's kind of like popping now yeah the other guy's not so much but he actually still does like stand up and like he hangs out with a lot of comedians yeah I guess he's like kind of the like the most like approachable one um because he hangs out with Dan Soder and like uh Pig J Oakerson like Been on the fucking comedy mother. Big Drew Oakerson. Yeah. Big Drew Okerson. And uh like the original title of that show was supposed to be Mission Uncomfortable. And I think that's more fitting. It's just anxiety. Like vicarious cringe all over. Just drinking it.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

Fuck yeah, dude. That's like every like boy's dream, though. It's like, oh, this is what I want to do. My friends like just fuck off the camera like this.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:31

They really are like living the dream. That show's not they're still not still doing it, are they? I have no idea. Didn't one of them get caught for being a Cenophile? That'd be tough. I'm almost positive. I feel like it's gotta be Myrrh. I think it was. I don't know their names. I was the only one I the name I know.

SPEAKER_03 44:46

The skinny, the skinny one. He's like the only skinny one.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

One of them got caught didling, dude.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

He's like the one that looks like the most like I thought they were all married though, but one of them got caught deadling.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

I don't know. Um Manhattan's getting in a hockey team, dude.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Oh, dude, we are. The Manhattan Bulls, dude. Manhattan Bulls, dude. The Manhattan Bulls, dude. Have you seen their uniform? Their their jerseys? I didn't hear.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

I was on the I was on the shooter today and Peyton sent me a thing saying like, oh fuck, we're getting a hockey team. I've been talking about this for like five years, dude. Uh how I wish we still had a hockey team.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

I'm gonna pull their jerseys because I want to buy one.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Are they tough? Dude, I I probably we gotta go to a game.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Dude, we gotta go to a game, bro.

SPEAKER_03 45:23

Boy do we.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

That's so sick.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

We're gonna bang the glass.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Dude, fuck yeah. It's gonna be so sick. I hope they just scrap, dog. I hope it's like legit like Houston natives. Like just all the ghetto guys in Houston. Just scrapping. It's just boxing on ice. Hockey's kinda sick.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Dude, yes. I I went to an air uh arrows game as a kid and there were two fights.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

When did the arrows leave? Was that like early 2000s?

SPEAKER_03 45:47

I know I went this is probably like 2011.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

No, it was earlier than that. It was like maybe like 2010.

SPEAKER_01 45:55

Yeah, I was just guessing. Because I remember we had a hockey team. I never like went to I didn't get interested in hockey until I was like a little older. I was like, yo, this I didn't know they were like scrapping like this. Oh dude, they look like the old Astros. Yeah, they look they're like the old time Astro jerseys. Those are sick.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

What got me into hockey was uh it was uh it wasn't 2K, it was uh 2K. It w it was it was some like NHL video game, and it was like if you got on the like if you got on like a hot streak, like you would like your player would fucking catch on fire. Really? On fire on the ice, yeah. That's cool as fuck. It was like uh the the fucking announcers were were like hilarious in like in the video game and you're you'd get into fights. It was like street hockey? Yeah, it was like on it felt like you were playing like NFL Street, but it was like a hockey game.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Dude, NFL Street was so good.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

Yeah, it would like you would get really really hot, like like um there's special buttons for like really slamming people in a glass and you break the glass.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

Uh fucking I that was like my introduction to hockey.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

Video games are so I remember NFL Each Street was so fun. I remember like you would it would it was like a courtyard with like a like chain link fencing around it. You could just like spear the queer. Yeah. And you just like run as long as you could and like try to tackle, bro. I would play that game again today today if I could. That shit was so fun.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

I feel like that one had one of the most realistic um uh like uh stamina. Yeah. Like you'd be sprinting and you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

And you would get tired. You get tired. Wasn't Ocho Cinco in it?

SPEAKER_03 47:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

He was the cover. Like Exhibit?

SPEAKER_03 47:22

I think it was NFL Street 3.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

He was the cover.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

Because there were three of them, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:25

I don't I don't remember how many there were. I want to say there were three, and he was the cover. I remember Street 2 was like the one that I played a lot.

SPEAKER_03 47:31

Jeremy Shock using the cover, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

He was like triple H. I know Exhibit wasn't one of them, bro.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he always had music.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

Yeah, yeah. That game was so dope.

unknown 47:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

I wish I could play. Bro, video games used to be so good.

SPEAKER_03 47:44

Dude, those are great. And you can customize your player. They all have they all like look like fucking Fred Durst. Fred Durst might have been on the cover. You're just like catching, you're just running running fucking out routes with like a chain wallet. Like a chain wallet, like Jordan. That game was so fucking good, bro. Fucking tall tea? Yeah, bro. Actually, I remember uh uh Andre Johnson was in a tall tee and you couldn't you couldn't get your t-shirt that long. If you had a creative if you had a custom player, like only like he had he had to have the tallest shirt. Like you couldn't get a taller, like there was some there was a governor in the game that like didn't allow you that your shirt to be taller. Only Andre Johnson can have the tall teeth. Yeah, yeah, he's the tall teeth.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

You guys got low tees, bro. Andre Johnson got the tall teeth, dog. Fucking bitches.

SPEAKER_03 48:36

Yeah, his his t-shirt slider is turned all the way up. You couldn't.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

Oh, we should we should like try to like get a like a petition gone and get street remade, dude. Is that what that's what it would take to get you back in video games? It came out of the street again? Probably. That's shit is so tough. Probably. Were you a GTA guy? Yeah. Are you gonna You're not gonna play the new GTA 6, huh?

SPEAKER_03 48:56

It could just come out of the the fucking retirement.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

You got too many dates on uh every week, bro. I don't have time for GTA. You going on a date tomorrow, no?

SPEAKER_03 49:03

I am I am going on a date. That's what we had to we had to make today work.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

Yeah. We would have had to skip a week if it were if it weren't for that.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Dude, I would have I would have had a lot of FOMO if like y'all all if all if the three of y'all were able to link up tomorrow and I couldn't make it. I mean I'm I would have been glad because it's still a three-person podcast, but like just sad on your date.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

Everything okay, Huey? Yeah, everything's fine. It's just one episode right now.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Dude, alright, like on the subject of like dating apps, uh like when you use them, like if you're a dude and you get like like for me personally, if I get like 30 match like 30 likes, that's crazy matches like something like 40 matches in a month, even like any like above 25, I feel like Mr. Pitches. Like I feel yeah, like I'm like walking tall.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

Yeah. Are you one of the guys that you're like picky on your swipes? Or are you just like do you just shoot?

SPEAKER_03 49:57

Well injured, like I I guess it depends which one. But but yeah, like generally, like, oh like oh, but I actually want to like be seen in public with the smash, smash, not smash, smash. Uh or like, you know, I'll look through the see like whatever they're into. Whatever. If they if they don't have any answers to their prompts, and they're just like, I look like this, yeah. I'll usually just like it. So I'm like, this is gonna be boring. I'm gonna find back. I'm gonna need to bring a fucking weightlifting belt to carry this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

Do you start the convos? Um I was always the I had the Wolf Wolf Wall Street mentality. Like if we match, I was like, whoever, whoever speaks first loses. I was like, I'm not talking to this bitch, she's gonna come to me.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

I'll I'll I'll usually for the most part just like whoever like comes to me. Yeah, yeah. Because that I know they're probably gonna try harder on conversation, whatever. But um uh like if I get you know X amount of likes or whatever people match with me, like I feel I feel like Donovan. I'm walking. Yeah, just fucking walking tall. And uh but uh I I swap phones with my homegirl. Like we were like we're we're doing a peer review of uh of each other's dating app, uh like profiles basically. And I see her shit, and bro, it's like 750 likes and climbing.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

Holy shit, dude.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

It it it was it was like one of those punching machines. It's gotta be so easy in sketchy bars, it's just the fucking number just keeps going up. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Yeah, just climbing, bro. Yeah, it was it was very humbling.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

Like I I I saw that shit.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

You're fishing with 30. I thought 30 was high when you said it. I was like, damn, 30?

SPEAKER_03 51:25

700 and climbing. The number just keeps getting that's nuts, dude. And uh so naturally I couldn't be like upstage like that, so I I changed her profile to say trans.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm gonna ruin her chances, bro. Let's go ahead and fuck up those pronouns real quick if you bother.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

Also, I changed her politics to conservative just to really just fuck with her algorithm.

SPEAKER_01 51:42

Oh dude, her likes are gonna jump up even more, bro.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Trans conservative.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

Trans conservative. It's five foot three trans conservative. It's like, yeah, I'm confused, but I know what I like.

SPEAKER_03 51:57

I can be trans, but uh people crossing the border cannot.

SPEAKER_01 52:00

Yeah. If you're American, you can be trans. That's where I draw the line.

SPEAKER_03 52:05

If you're not American, you can't you cannot transport yourself across the borders. But no, that actually it was like insane number. Like seeing like she's talking to him, like, this is fucking Captain America. That's crazy, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

That's like Instagram live numbers. That's fucking nuts.

SPEAKER_03 52:23

And she's like, I have no intention of talking to anyone. It's just the ego boost. That's that's that's that's how a lot of these women use it, though. That sucks, dude. Like, that just to just to feel good, like whenever you go out.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

That pisses me off.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

I can just look at my phone and be like, oh, I feel validated.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

I paid $45 a month for the premium. Just for you to ignore it.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

I would say probably I've never, never paid. I could not imagine. Did you run out of swipes? They'll ask you at every corner. Do you want to buy or buy?

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Do you want to see who likes you? Do you want to buy this blah blah blah? You want to see who people like you for $5.99 a month? Boy, do I? Mom, are you there? Dad? Dad, please, dad. Please be there. Oh yeah. Imagine you're on like Tinder and like you do actually do see your mom's profile on like Tinder.

SPEAKER_03 53:06

Oof, that'd be tough.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

Would you swipe right just to see? Just to see if y'all match?

SPEAKER_03 53:11

I would I would fucking like delete my phone.

SPEAKER_01 53:13

I would swipe right. How much of a freak is this bitch?

SPEAKER_03 53:17

Hey, what's up, mom? Uh I thought about making a dating app profile for my mom.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

Really?

SPEAKER_03 53:22

I I have the I have the settings that way I never see her though.

SPEAKER_01 53:25

Like I have like Hook her up with blind dates.

SPEAKER_03 53:27

Dude, someone was trying to pitch it to me that I I should make a profile for my mom. Like, like, like make it for it and then like be a ghostwriter.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:37

So like vet dudes or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 53:39

Dude, you gotta really pimp her out. Tell her like she's like in her bio, just be like super flexible. Bilingual, thick accent. Good with tools. I'll use your tools.

SPEAKER_03 53:52

Yeah, like I honestly. I mean, I don't have like an Oedipus complex. I'm like, by all means, please fuck my mom.

SPEAKER_01 53:59

Yeah, dude. You trying to, I'm on my mom, you gotta want your mom to be happy too.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

She's tall, she's like 5'9, so you gotta be, you know, you gotta be like over six foot. Yeah, no short teams. Yeah, no short teams. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

No short kings. I do understand why like girls like ask how tall you are. Because if you're like an Amazon of a woman.

SPEAKER_03 54:13

Yeah, oh, for for sure, for sure. If you're tall, because like really, there's a whole meme about like, oh, all girls want a guy who's like you know, six foot tall or whatever. But like for the most part, most of them just want a guy who's like a few inches taller than them.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

Yeah, I always just asked them like what their credit score was. Like whenever we matched, I was like, yo, what's your credit score? That was the first thing I asked.

SPEAKER_03 54:31

Credit score BMI.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

Credit score BMI. Have you ever had a BMI DUI? Have you ever like been like drunk driving before? You ever got like a drunk drive? If a bitch is like, you got a DUI, you're like, oh yeah, I could like this is a girl, like she knows a party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I I don't I don't know. Uh cool stories. It's like the Joey Diaz scare. He's like, you gotta do something. You gotta fucking do something. You gotta do something. I don't trust nobody who does nothing. You gotta have you gotta do something. Chris Delia had no vices. I don't believe that. Yeah, well, I he said he did nothing, but he did something, dude. He did fucking something, bro. He got caught up.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

That always irks me. Even like whenever I I used to watch his uh or listen to his podcast. And if his podcast just carrying it solo, the way like Tim Dylan or Theo Vaughn does, like it was funny, but like you're like, dude, I can't relate to this guy. Like nothing. Because he does no vices.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

No alcohol, no. Isn't he like tatted up? No cocaine. I have no idea. That's like if Pete Davidson told you he had no vices. Yeah, bro. That's why Chris Delia was like, yeah, no, I don't do anything. You'd just be like, dude, shut the fuck up, dude. You're a sociopath. You don't do anything? Shut up. Let me see your hard drive.

SPEAKER_03 55:39

Does that yeah, it does absolutely nothing. I think his dad was like a director or something like that. So he already kind of had a.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Dude, if that was in the fucking entertainment industry, that gets fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 55:47

Yeah, he's like a producer, some kind of big name. Like, yeah, he was like I can imagine you're around those parties, like when you're in high school or something like that. Never.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

But he was at pizza parties growing up. 100%. He did something. He has some kind of vice.

SPEAKER_03 56:01

Something, dude. That's that's insane to me.

SPEAKER_01 56:03

I don't I don't believe it. I don't buy it out. Not for a second, I don't buy it. There's nobody who doesn't have vices. Everyone's got vices. He at least does fucking Zens.

SPEAKER_03 56:12

Maybe, maybe now. Maybe now. Like maybe getting canceled made him start drinking. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 56:17

It's kind of crazy. Like, think of like someone who like doesn't drink but they chain smoke.

SPEAKER_03 56:21

That's just disgusting. Yeah. That's gross. You know what's crazy to me is whenever uh like there's like the disease, like non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Yeah. You just got this fat with zero alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 56:31

Yeah, that's just called being diabetic.

SPEAKER_03 56:33

That's crazy, bro. It's like that's the You did all this sober, bro. Yeah, dude, you gotta really try, bro. You were just going to like hey, listen, I get it. You're drinking like, you know, you're drinking some heavy ass beers, and then you get out, you're like, oh, some midnight munchies sound good, get a munchy meal, and you're just doing that for a long time, but bro, you're just doing all that sober. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

Just for the love of the game, just fucking up my life.

SPEAKER_03 56:55

Una um, what's it called? Uh unaided. You were on uh you were yeah, you were doing it um clean. You were you're pissing clean, you're doing it you saw the free. That's gross as shit. Without the aid of alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

That's gross as shit, bro. That's some Donald Trump shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking gross. Fucking 12 Diet Cokes in a day. I've never seen a fat guy drink Diet Coke. Or is it never seen a skinny person drink diet coke? Is that what he says? Trump says like I've never seen a skinny person drink Diet Coke. It's always the fat motherfuckers drinking Diet Coke.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

That yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that is like it.

SPEAKER_01 57:26

That is crazy to get like non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Like how much of a fucking loser do you have to be?

SPEAKER_03 57:33

For the for the love of the game. It's weird whenever you see someone who like uh they're like super big, like super like super big, but none of it went to their face.

SPEAKER_01 57:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:45

You're like, dude, you would fool the fuck out of someone like uh extra large hoodie? Driver's license, or like any kind of dating approval, it's just all your face, and you're like it's I I saw like I was walking around downtown, I was like, guy like chiseled face.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

Nothing else.

SPEAKER_03 58:02

Yeah, fucking huge just like Michelin tires around him, basically. Gross. You're like, what? Like, how does this happen? Like, I I I just if I after a a weekend of drinking or something like that, like I'll just chipmunk up. Yeah, dude. I'll patty pimple it up, dude. That's a wee fit build, bro. Yeah, it's bullshit. Like this guy is fucking just fucking giga chatting.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

That's a me character, bro. Like, yeah, yeah. You just literally like you make your face fat as fuck. Or swole shit.

SPEAKER_03 58:35

Built like um uh like Orbit, the uh humanity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I would I wouldn't know much about that city because I don't know because so funny.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

Give me the cum! Give me the cum lord!

SPEAKER_00 59:04

Ladies and gentlemen, I've traveled halfway across the country here.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

Just like on a on a just on a mission to drain somebody. I drain it out!

SPEAKER_02 59:26

It's so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_01 59:31

Oh yeah. Dude, we gotta do a spoof.

SPEAKER_03 59:34

Dude, they're actually like we already have like the suits and everything.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

Like, just like Oh, there's a fucking what's the hat called? The kind of hat that he has? It's like the the bowl, the the what the little fucking It's like a fedora almost.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Yeah, it's kind of like a fedora, but it's like Monopoly Monopoly Man situation.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

Yeah, yeah. But the thing is, it's like we can't get rid of the kid. We have to keep the kid the whole time.

SPEAKER_03 59:57

Like the opening scene where he like he like breaks his leg and he's like crawling all the way to like to like make his fortune. Like made the claim. Like it's just it's him just leaving like a gay sex dungeon. His asshole got blown out. His asshole got blown out, he's just crawling back to the Casey's doing the voiceover, and he's just like, oh, oh in the Asian moaning shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:23

Dude, I think uh I think Casey's like Asian accent. If if we ever do get around to like doing sketches and shit, I think Casey just has to stick with the Asian accent and like in every sketch. Yes. Just like stick with the Asian accent.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:35

It was getting it was getting like progressively better. I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

When I was like editing and like re-watching it, I I'm not even lying, like the clip of him going, did they hit the pull hobba again? Did I watch that like 20 times? I could not stop laughing at that shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:51

Dude, I was like uh I was I was working on a clip to like actually show like because the the whole aqua like people forgot, but the whole Aquapina shit like actually was like crazy. Like she was I don't know, I still don't know who that is. Oh that was actually anytime someone She's like a boondocks character. Anyone like remotely had like a little bit of color on their face, you're like, is that Aquapina? Like anyone who was like that's a black guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:17

Uh y'all kept saying it. She was just like this like an Asian with a black set. And like I don't know who she is. Is she in is she like in movies or is she like a voice character? I hope she just does voice acting. I've never heard of this bitch. That is not a that is that is not a skit. That's a real movie. That's my that's my favorite person now. That's a real movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:49

I think that's like from crazy rich crazy rich Asians or something.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:51

She got cancelled, right? No way, that bitch was rich.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

She was doing that for like multiple films. Like, did she really? Yeah, she was like booked as like, oh, we'll get this like the Asian bitch who like speaks in ebonics.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:02

Dude, I would think she's like a part of D12. Like, I would like think she was like a member of D12. Like just straight out of Detroit.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:09

And like her agent's like eventually like, hey, you gotta stop doing that. Yeah. Like she's but she's still getting booked and shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

For the same roles?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

No, no, not the same roles anymore.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:17

Like so the agent, the agent definitely told her to nip that shit in the ass. Alright. Enough of this.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:22

We had a good run. We had a lot of laughs. It was a lot of fun. Enough of this, dude. You were getting away with it for a long time. I don't know how.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:30

That's literally that Rachel lady that like told everyone she was black. You know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

Rachel Dolazal.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:39

Rachel Dolezall, yeah. Yeah. That's her. She was Asian. Asian Dolezar. That is sick. I fuck with Alfa Fina now. See, I thought you were fucking with me. No, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:52

I was like, who is this Alfa Fina, bitch? I thought you were doing a bit by just guessing like fucking anyone who fucking means.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:58

Every single time I saw someone who like had their eyes like a little squinted. I was like, is that her? Is that Aquafina? Never was. She's no way she goes to the Oscars, right? Imagine Osquafina gets like gets an Oscar, gets up there, and just starts fucking speaking in Ebonics.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:16

Fucking Tyler Perry movie shit. Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:20

She should have been in a Tyler Perry film.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:22

That actually would have been great.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:24

That would have actually that would have officially made it a black movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

She should have been sinners. What if she was the Asian person in centers? I'm not Asian sinners. So the Ryan Kugler found out that he's like fucking like 1% Asian or something like that. Like he's like, alright, it's all black casts, but I'm gonna cast like these two Asian people as like Asian shopkeepers in this movie. It would have been fucking hilarious. If it was Aquafina.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:45

If it was Aquafina people, she's not Asian, dude. That's not Asian. That's a black woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:52

That is a black woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:53

That's a black queen.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:53

That's like when Tim Dylan says, like, oh yeah, saying I love saying you love me is like golfing with Candace Owens and saying, I love blacks. Yeah, I love Asians and you're hanging out with Aquafina. It's Bon Queeque. Yeah, basically, dude. You remember that Mad TV shit? Did you ever watch Mad TV? Oh yeah. Mad TV's been shit. Fucking Bobby Lee? Yeah. Oh dude, Bobby Lee wasn't he was in Mad TV. Yeah, that was like Is that how he got his start?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

I'm sure he was doing comedy first, and that's where they found him.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:25

Sometimes I don't know if Bobby Lee's actually stupid or if that's like part of his bit too. It's like the Burt Kreisher shit. Like Burt Kreischer, I feel like he plays into him being dumb. Because like everyone portrays him or like believes that like he's like kind of a dumb guy. But like I feel like he like it like the same thing with Theo Vaughn. I don't think he's dumb. I don't think Bert Kreisher is dumb.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:46

I think he's a little stupid. He's just incredibly unself aware. I think that's what irks people. Like it's it's become like a meme like where he just interrupts everybody or whatever. That pisses me off. And he does just like there's like random shit. Like there was like some kind of like uh I remember there's like a video of like uh um it was like a morning news show or some shit like that, and they're inter they're interviewing uh NFL players or something, and then he just comes in there and just takes his shirt off doing push-ups. He was like, so many push-ups I can do. And he's like, what is it? He's acting like he acts like Tommy Boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:20

This reminds me of me.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

Yeah, yeah. Like real life Tommy Boy doing like Tommy Boy shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:26

Yeah, maybe he's trying to be Chris Farley.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:29

Possibly.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:30

Dude, R. P Chris Farley.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:31

RP.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:32

Right Chris Farley. Farty boy Farley. Chris Farley was like the guy that's like there's not many people that could like make that character likable. But like Chris Farley was like was that dude. Like he made that character likable. And the Billy Madison, whenever he's like the bus driver, and he's like just getting fucking pissed off, and he's like face is just like shaking, and he's like getting red in the face, he's like pissed off at the kids and shit, like ripping the fuck out the steering wheel.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:52

Yeah. Seems so funny. It's crazy how like Chris Farley was like kind of filled the void that John Belushi did, and they did, they did the exact.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

They just flew directly into the sun.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:04

Dude, and bro, how old was Chris Farley when he died? He was young, huh? No, he wasn't in his twenties. I want to say, bro. Hold up. Was he in the 27 club? Chris Farley? No fucking way.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:15

Maybe he wasn't in the 27.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:16

I could have sworn he was in his 40s.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:18

I don't think he was that old. Dude, he was young. He really died that old. He was just hella pro he was like hella prolific, man. He was like in all kinds of shit. 33.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:26

33. 33. JC. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:33

33. Yeah, okay. Wasn't a part of the 27 club.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:37

Yeah. Okay. That was young as fuck though. But he was he was I mean he did a lot of shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:43

Tommy Boy and uh Black Sheep are the best the same. It's also David Spade, too. They're both in that one, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:50

Yeah, yeah. They're like SNL co-stars. David Spade. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:54

David Spade guy?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:56

I know, I know. I like David Spade. Uh my favorite role is him as uh fucking Shiloh and Grandma's Boy. He's like he's like a he's like a waiter at like a vegan restaurant.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:07

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:08

He's like, whatever guy, blow.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:12

Dude, Grandma's Boy is such a good stoner film. Oh, it's the best stoner film.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:16

It's the best. It's so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:18

I gotta rewatch Grandma's Boy.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:19

One of the first times I smoked weed. I saw that movie. I was like in seventh grade.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:23

And then he the one has like the is that grandma like like cleans his dirty ass bong and like puts flowers in it or some shit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:31

I watched waiting. Oh, you saw that recently? Yeah. I was looking at your letterbox. I was I was stocking your letterbox.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:38

Yeah, I saw that you liked the movie that I liked a while back.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:40

Dude. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:43

I was going, I was like, oh shit. I had logged on in a while and I was like fucking behind.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:47

Yeah. Yeah, I saw you rewatch Pegonia. I still want to watch Pegonia.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

Back to waiting though. Uh dude, like, there's not enough movies about waiting in restaurants.

unknown 1:07:58

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:58

And like every almost everyone who has been a waiter before has seen that.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:03

Because he's just like fucking it kind of does cover all the bases. Like you've like though, there's the one waiter who fucks everybody. Uh-huh. Uh you have like the one guy who's like, he's kind of universally like he's been there for a minute, he knows how the place runs. Yeah. Like kind of like he's friends with the guy who fucks everybody. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:20

But like he's like, he knows he's he's like having epiphany those hard time. Like, am I a fucking loser?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:24

Yeah, like what? I do I need to move on. I'm him. The new guy, the fucking guy who makes the ball game. I feel like you're the guy who makes the ball game.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:33

I'm the ballgame guy, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

Well, you're a mix of that guy and also like the guy, yeah, Justin Logs.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

Yeah. I'm the ballgame guy though, yeah, for sure. I'm usually in the fridge with like my nuts hanging out between like showing people the bat wing. I'm gonna give them the goat. I'm gonna give them the goat. I did see that and I was like, damn, bro, this seems like a fucking fun restaurant to work at.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

I saw that movie young and I I remember practicing the bat wing.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:58

Yeah, yeah, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:59

I was like, I was like, I'm gonna introduce this to school, and I and I That's just being a part of the baseball team in high school.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:04

It's like every baseball team's just gay as fuck in high school. There's a baseball. I was friends with like all the baseball guys in high school. They had the fucking gayest stories of like the shit that they would do on like the on the bus, like on the way to the games. Just just flamboyantly gay shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:20

And it's like, you guys just like get down like this? He's like, yeah, there was nothing else to do on the bus. It was it wasn't gay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:24

I had a I had a fucking hammer in my lip, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:28

Well, it wasn't gay, dude. I went yard.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:30

I went yard. I went yard into a guy's asshole.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:37

Uh dude, I I'm I'm lucky like I could go back, not just like thinking about it. You know what's so funny, dude. It's like, bro, like just talking about all this gay shit, man, it makes me like miss high school. Wish I was on the baseball team. Like growing up, bro, my fucking stepdad used to always tell my mom that I was gonna be like a fucking gay hairdresser growing up. Like, he used to like always be like, your kid's gonna be a fucking hairdresser. He used to call he used to call me a hairdresser, and he'd like just say I was gonna be gay as shit all the time. And like growing up, like I would see like all the gay shit that the kids is doing on the baseball team. I was like, yo, my dad found out like the baseball team got down like this, he'd be like, why the fuck are you playing baseball?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:20

Dude, the Zohan was a hairdresser and he'd just fuck everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:23

Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:24

Everyone knows that Manhattan, Manhattan, New York has the worst June bugs. Yeah, dude, fuck it, Manhattan June bugs, dude. They're everywhere. I'll tell you about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:33

The Junes are all over Manhattan, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:35

They're sipping on the same shit that made the Ninja Turtles.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:42

Have you ever seen the Ghetto Ninja Turtles? You don't know what I'm talking about?

unknown 1:10:46

No, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:47

Dude, I gotta fucking show you. It was like a it was like a uh like a YouTube like series. Cause uh there is you remember the old Ninja Turtle movies? And it's like they're like live action.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:00

Oh, I didn't see the line, I never heard live action.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:02

Not the not the like newer ones, like late to like late 20 teens.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:07

Oh, like were they actually wearing a costume?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:10

Yeah, it was like a costume. But it was like, but it looked, I don't know how to explain it, but they were like probably early 2000s, mid-2000s. And anyway, like there's a YouTube series, and it was just like there's voice acting over it. It's the funniest shit ever. Statistically, I I mean they should be black, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:25

Like if they were like Are they not? Because like they said Raphael. Yeah, the shit they say is like well they're they're named after like the famous painters. Yeah, Renaissance. Are they a Donaldson? Yeah, they have to be. Are they supposed to be a tale? This is New York.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:38

Yeah. Oh, you mean Jew York? Jewish Italians. Yeah, but they I gotta show you the clip. Yeah. Who's one actor that like you think like if you like bumped into him, like you'd be like, he'd be like, yo, man, you want to grab a beer? And like he'd be like the coolest fucking guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:56

Chris Pratt, probably. Or uh Henry Cavill, dude. Henry Cavill's one of the boys.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:00

Dude, but the Henry Cavill is like the guy like I'm not gonna lie, if Henry Gravel like was like, hey, you wanna grab a beer with me? I'd probably say fuck no.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:07

Really?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:07

Yeah, dude. Like, what do you Superman? Really? Superman's the gayest.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:13

I wouldn't hang out with Henry Cavill. He's a big nerd, though. He's like a like he like read off. He fucking plays uh he plays video games and shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:21

Like I'm not hanging out with Henry Cavill. There's a there's a I wouldn't even post it, I wouldn't even talk about it on Twitter. If I ran into Henry Cavill, I wouldn't even like tell people.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:29

I would just like to ran into this fucking, he's okay looking, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:32

It's a handsome motherfucker, dude. So what it's a pony? That's a six-ouncer, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:37

Okay. So it's just 15 beers.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:40

You and your date just crush 15 beers and then just like, oh yeah, but it's okay, but because they're half beers. They're like small beers. Yeah, it's like getting pulled over and you're like, how much have you had a drink tonight? Well, technically none. There were ponies.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:50

You'd be like handcuffed together and you like wouldn't get the key until you like presented like your empty case.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

Dude, 15 still 15 beers, though. What happens if you gotta go piss? I've had four beers and I have to go piss. They go with you. That's sick, dude. Yeah, that's so sick, bro. Yeah, they go with you. That's your next fucking date. You're like, hey, do you want to go to this club and just fuck up ponies? And like, oops, gotta piss.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:11

Yeah, I gotta follow you. Did you ever do Edward 40 hands?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

Nah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:15

Oh man, you wouldn't have loved Edward 40 hands.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:17

What is that?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:18

It's like when you get two like 40 ounce like your hands and they don't untape them.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:26

Nah, dude, that's frat shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:27

So like this baseball shit too. That's like this very baseball. There's just some overlap.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:32

They would just they would tape your dick. In baseball, in high school and baseball, they would tape each other's dicks to their hands. That's what they would do. And then you would give me the cum! Give me the cum. Give me the cum so I can get out of here. They'd all be the best in that game. I just like wouldn't let you come. I'll just hold on for dear life.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:54

So good.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:58

Dude, all the kills the baseball team knew what Edgie was way before. You have like the weakest batting average, but like you just the best in this cum game. Yeah, yeah. We're not gonna kick Alec off the team, dude, just because he's like he's like the morale booster. Just keep the testosterone full. There's no dope being released in this game. Give me the cum. Give me the cum.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:24

I suck your dick. I suck it up.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:33

That's definitely the episode title. There you go, like, oh, I'll get in trouble for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:38

I don't think so, dude. Bro, there was a podcast called Come Town. That's very that was around for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:44

I think we can I hope Peyton's grandma watches this episode. Our female listenership will go from like five percent to like what she was like uh listening to some of the episodes today. She was like, Yeah, I'll throw them on and I'll listen to them. She's like, I I don't bother she's like, I don't mind the raunchy stuff, like it doesn't bother me. I just hate when y'all talk about sports. You know, like that's where she draws the line. Me too. Me too. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, he doesn't ever fucking know shit when we talk about sports. He has no idea what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:16

I I know how like the actual rules of the game, I just not up to date with like who the fuck it is. Like it's like it's funny, like any references that you make that are like 10 years behind, like when you brought up like something obscure like Tyrod Taylor, yeah, or like fucking uh Austin Collie. I know that name. I know I know these fucking random, these random little characters are.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:38

Alright, um think we're at time. This was fun. Just the two of us. Uh bye for now.